Introduction to the FiveFive LOVE LANGUAGES

How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Gary ChapmanGary Chapman

1. Words of Affirmation

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” -Mark Twain

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings

healing.”Proverbs 12:18

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 15:1

Love is a Request, Not a Demand

“You know those apple pies you make? Would it be possible for you

to make one this week? I love those apple pies.”

Love is a Request, Not a Demand

“Haven’t had an apple pie since the baby was born. Don’t guess I’ll get any more apple pies for eighteen

years.”

2. Quality Time• Giving someone your undivided attention.

• Sharing an activity in which we are giving our full attention to the other person.

• Quality conversation, focusing on what we are hearing - listening sympathetically.

“My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”

Song of Solomon 2:14

Principles of Quality Time1. At least one of you wants to do it.2. The other is willing to do it.3. Both of you know why you are

doing it - to express love by being together.

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

If you are a Dead Sea on a date with a Babbling Brook, you will have a wonder night. You won’t have to worry, “How will I get the conversation started tonight?” She will fill up the whole evening and you will go home saying, “What a wonderful person.”

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

On the other hand, if you are a Babbling Brook on a date with a Dead Sea, you will have an equally wonderful time because Dead Seas are the world’s best listeners. He will listen intently to you, and you will go home saying, “What a wonderful person.” You attract each other.

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

But five years after marriage, the Babbling Brook wakes up one morning and says, “We’ve been married five years, and I don’t know him.” The Dead Sea is saying, “I know her too well. I wish she would stop and give me a break.”

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

The good news is that Dead Seas can learn to talk and Babbling Brooks can learn to listen.

We are influenced by our personality but not controlled by it.

3. Receiving Gifts“Every good and perfect gift is from

above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights”

James 1:17

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God”

Ephesians 2:8

Principles of Giving Gifts

1. Gifts you buy

2. Gifts you make

3. Gift of self

4. Acts of Service“You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,'

and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”

John 13:13-15

4. Acts of ServiceYou, my brothers, were called to be

free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Galatians 5:12-14

Principles of Service1. Love is a choice; it cannot be

coerced.2. Service can be done out of love,

or it can be done out of fear, guilt, and resentment.

Overcoming StereotypesA willingness to examine and change

stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively.

Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of your spouse.

5. Physical Touch

Jesus recognized the importance of showing love through physical touch.

“Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.”

Mark 1:41

“People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

Mark 10:13-14

A Note to the MenDo not confuse sexual desire with the

emotional need to feel loved.

Example:“If your spouse was meeting your sexual

needs as often as you desire, but she was giving you negative words, criticizing you, putting you down in front of others, would you feel loved by her?”

The FiveFive Love Languages1. Words of Affirmation2. Quality Time3. Receiving Gifts4. Acts of Service5. Physical Touch

The FiveFive Love Languages

Take the quiz online:

www.5lovelanguages.com

The FiveFive Love Languages1. Learn what your primary (and

secondary) love language is.2. Learn what your spouse’s love

language is.3. Learn how to speak the love

language of your spouse so that you can express your love more effectively.