INTRODUCTION - 55 & Faking Normal55andfakingnormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/55-Unemploye… · 55, Unemployed & Faking Normal | 5 My article struck a chord because you recognized

55, Unemployed & Faking Normal | 1

INTRODUCTION

YOU KNOW HER.

She is in your friendship circle, hidden in plain sight.

Her clothes are still impeccable, bought in the good years when

she was still making money.

To look at her you would not know that her electricity was cut

off last week for non-payment or that she meets the eligibility

requirements for “food stamps.”

But if you paid attention, you would see the sadness in her

eyes, hear that grace note of panic in her otherwise self-assured

voice.

These days she buys the $1.99 trial-size jug of Tide to make

ends meet. You didn’t know laundry detergent came in that size.

You invite her to the same expensive restaurants the two of

you have always enjoyed, but she orders mineral water now with

a twist of lemon instead of the $12 glass of Chardonnay.

2 | WHITE

She is frugal in her menu choices, meticulous, counting every

penny in her head. She demurs dividing the table bill evenly to

cover desserts, designer coffees and second and third glasses of

wine she did not consume.

She is tired of trying to keep up appearances. Faking normal is

wearing her out.


There are no media stories about her. Her slide out of the mid-

dle class is not sensational enough.

A friend told her she is broke not poor and there is a differ-

ence. She lives without cable, her gym membership and nail ap-

pointments. She’s discovered she can do her own hair.

There are no retirement savings, no nest egg. She exhausted

that long ago. There is no expensive condo from which to draw

equity and no husband to back her up.

Months of slow pay and no pay have decimated her credit.

Bill collectors call constantly, reading verbatim from a script, ex-

pressing polite sympathy for her plight before demanding pay-

ment arrangements she can’t possibly meet.

Friends wonder privately how someone so well educated

could be in economic free fall. She is still as talented as ever, and

smart as a whip, but work is sketchy now, mostly on and off con-

sulting gigs. You hear about this and that assignment, but can’t

remember when she had a real job. At 55, she has learned how to

fake cheeriness, to appear engaged, but her phone doesn’t ring

with opportunities anymore.

She doesn’t remember exactly when it stopped. But she can-

not deny now, having entered the uncertain world of “formerly”

and “use to be.” In the face of mega generational shifts, she’s not

sure anymore where she belongs.

4 | WHITE

What she does know is that dozens of online job applications

seem to disappear into a black hole. She’s convinced employers

have set their online job recruitment algorithms to reject anyone

who graduated before 1995.

She wonders what is to become of her. She is facing a work

for life proposition. So far her health has held up, but her body

aches, or is it her spirit?

Homeless women used to be invisible to her, but she appraises

them now, with curious eyes, wondering if their stories started

like hers.

I wrote this piece in the summer of 2014. It is a composite of

my own experience and that of many of my boomer age friends. I

wrote it because I did not see myself in the articles on retirement

I was reading in the popular press.

No one I knew was traveling the world or buying a condo in Costa Rica.

As cool as it sounded, we could not afford to redefine retire-

ment on “our own terms.” Dreams of launching fulfilling second

and third act careers were put on hold to take part-time jobs to

pay the bills. Many of us were facing a work for life proposition,

one major crisis away from insolvency.


My article struck a chord because you recognized the woman I

described as yourself, your friend, your sister, your daughter. You

used words like lost, ashamed, shell shocked, and secret sister-

hood to describe how you’re feeling.

You reminded me that “faking normal” happens to men too.

We endure what is happening to us in silence, often alone,

too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it. We assume we

are small in number, the only ones facing serious, life-altering

financial challenges. We fake normal as best we can, trying to

keep up appearances as the floor is collapsing underneath us.

Well, it turns out we are not alone at all; there are millions of us.

Very few boomers have managed to save the 10-20 times our

annual salary financial experts tell us we need to maintain our

current standard of living. The grim reality, according to Teresa

Ghilarducci, labor economist and nationally recognized expert

on retirement security, is that 75 percent of Americans nearing

retirement have socked away less than $30,000 in their retire-

ment accounts.

6 | WHITE

You do the math. If we make it to 65 in good health, there is

good chance we will live another 20 years. That’s a long runway.

I don’t have to tell you that a $30,000 nest egg is nowhere near

enough to fund your retirement.

And that number doesn’t take into account millions of Ameri-

cans who have no retirement savings of any kind.

According to the Institute on Assets and Social Policy at

Brandeis University, 78 percent of all senior households in the

U.S. are financially vulnerable, meaning they do not have enough

in retirement savings to cover basic expenses and projected costs

over their expected lifetimes.

I am writing this book for us.

But I am not writing from a place of doom and gloom. Doom

and gloom disempowers. What this book focuses on instead is

how we regain control over our lives in this new environment.

How do we throw open the curtains and let the light in after

months or years of despair?

But first, we must arm ourselves with facts. Right now our

shame, embarrassment, and fear keeps us in silos, disconnected,

isolated and silent. There is power in numbers.


According to AARP, the 50 plus segment is comprised of some

100 million consumers spending $7 trillion annually on goods

and services. In fact, we make nearly half of all the purchases

in entertainment and apparel and account for 55 percent of the

sales of consumer packaged goods.

When a segment this size starts pumping the brakes on its

spending it ain’t gonna be pretty. We are one of the country’s

key drivers of growth and jobs. Millions of us cannot just crash

through the floor without far-reaching economic repercussions.

Business leaders and policy makers across the political spec-

trum are going to have to take notice. Corporate brand managers,

marketers and product designers are going to have to figure out

how to serve a plus 50 demographic segment accustomed to liv-

ing well, but now on a budget.

And we, who are living this retirement income crisis, have to

know we exist and begin to convene and connect with each oth-

er, tell our truth and share information and resources. This book

aims to help facilitate that conversation.

We also have to get it out of our heads that what happened to

us is our “own darn fault” versus baked into a broken retirement

security system that is stacked against most Americans from the

jump.

8 | WHITE

And we have to let go of the thought that help is on the way. The Cavalry is not

coming to rescue us.

There is a big disconnect in Washington. At a time when

Americans need more help not less, a lot of policy makers are

threatening to cut Social Security benefits and Medicare.

The truth is we are going to have to save ourselves. Some of us

have already started down this road. This book is about how we

band together, learn from each other and share what we know.

It is about the practical steps we can take to secure ourselves

in retirement. It focuses on what we can do from where we sit.

And what resources and changes in our mindset are needed to

get us there?

It asks us to consider what matters to us now, at this age and stage. What is

realistic in terms of a lifestyle goal? What are we willing to give up? And what

must we give up?


We boomers are too old for hollow reassurance. The truth is

that most of us will not get through this next phase of life unaf-

fected. There is no magic wand to make everything like it once

was, no blanket solutions.

But instead of doom and gloom, what if we flipped the script

and used the retirement security crisis to go where we needed to

go in the first place? What if we embraced our smaller foot print

in retirement as an opportunity to move toward a more sustain-

able way of living, of doing more with less?

Isn’t this the shift we all need to be making anyway to secure

our future and that of our children and grandchildren?

This book culls wisdom from boomers successfully navigating

the path ahead. It is a first step for us to look beyond our imme-

diate surroundings and circumstances to what is possible in the

new normal told from the perspective of people living it.

It takes a crack at the two big nuts that have a lot to do with

our sense of well-being – where we live and our ability to supple-

ment our income in our later years. What innovative ideas, ini-

tiatives or programs are on the horizon, in the works or on the

ground?

10 | WHITE

Affordable, secure housing is one of the biggest nuts we have

to crack. As one boomer age friend said “if I have housing I can

extreme coupon it the rest of the way.” Solving the housing prob-

lem lifts a boulder off our backs.

In the book we will find out how people are dealing with their

housing challenges and consider some of the more innovative

housing solutions – co-housing and other mutually helpful living

models to see whether they’re realistic options for us.

Employment is the other big nut to crack. Many of us will be

working much longer than we ever imagined….well into our sev-

enties and even beyond. We find ourselves suddenly in the work-

force after divorce or the illness or death of a spouse. Others of

us have jumped or been pushed out of our jobs and are trying to

figure out what’s next.

We dread ending up as greeters at Walmart or, some might say worse, as the resident dinosaur in AN ofFICE where our

supervisor is the age of our youngest child.

Work for many of us, in the “new normal,” can and will look

different than in the past. Think free-lance, multiple income

streams and working from home. Fewer and fewer of us will be

sitting all day with our feet under someone else’s desk.


This book aims to help us navigate these waters and learn

from our contemporaries who are doing so successfully.

A fast growing cottage industry is emerging of career transi-

tion organizations that are helping boomer professionals prepare

for work later in life. Let’s learn more about what they do and

whether they can help us.

The truth is we don’t have the same options we use to have. As

my friend Robert says, “we’re in the midst of a seismic shift. The

paradigms that use to serve us no longer do.” To see what works,

we are going to have to work all the traps, consider all the levers

at our disposal.

12 | WHITE

Organization of

the BookLET’S FIRST FOCUS ON HOW WE GOT into this

situation in the first place. The specific details are differ-

ent in each case, but there are some systemic issues beyond indi-

vidual behavior that landed millions and millions of boomer age

Americans here. This will give you context and hopefully, help

you stop blaming and beating up on yourself.

We have tough choices to make ahead. To regain mastery over

our lives will take personal agency. We can’t be proactive, if we

are depressed, guilt ridden and hiding with the covers over our

heads.


So once we understand how we got here, let’s deal with mind-

set and attitude. Because if we’re in a rut, and turned inward --

nothing will get through to us. We will just be going through the

motions, looking without seeing. In that state, we’re sure to miss

any opportunities that present themselves.

Next, we are going to look outward at our options. We are go-

ing to hear about Third Agers (55-75) like us and how they’re

coping….no scratch that….flourishing in the new normal. We are

going to learn what they did to make peace with their changed

circumstances and how they got their mojo back, their zest for

living.

I am not promising you that this is going to be a cake walk.

Everyone I profile in 55, Unemployed and Faking Normal has had

some tough times, periods of real despair. What we’re going to

learn are the tools, strategies and coping mechanisms they used

to dig themselves out of these deep holes --- what they did to get

good again.

I am also not promising you that you will be going back to your

old life of stuff and more stuff. FUGEDDABOUTIT…really. On a

modest or fixed income, that life is just not sustainable. That

doesn’t mean you have to live in a hovel in the woods somewhere

without electricity. But you will have to rethink “progress” and

redefine “luxury”.

14 | WHITE

You’re also going to have to figure out what really matters to

you in this phase of life and prioritize. In the book you will learn

from the stories of other Third Agers grappling with these ques-

tions. You may find, as many of them have, that the process of

“smalling down” and living more consciously is beautiful in its

own right.


Zoe:Learning to Soothe

From Within

WHEN I MET WITH ZOE, 62, LAST WEEK, she had $31 to

her name…literally. And I have never seen her happier,

more grounded and anchored in her torso. Yes, she has landed a

new client and money is in the pipeline, but in June she was still

on food stamps and living in a two bedroom rental in the suburbs

of a major city.

A career that included international business travel, high pro-

file clients, testifying before Congress and a group Emmy began

to unravel during the Great Recession of 2007-2009. “I am as

broke now as I was back then”, she says. “I didn’t climb out of a

hole and go back to my old life, but I have found an inner peace

that was out of reach before.”

16 | WHITE

That old life included a 2,500 square foot 4-level home on a

tree lined street in a tony Washington, DC suburb, enough china

to host a party for 40 without paper plates and several invest-

ment quality, Persian silk carpets, one of them large enough to

cover her 14 x 18 living room.

The Great Recession happened on the heels of her divorce de-

livering a one-two punch. At 58, work all but dried up. Without

clients, things spiraled. “I was under so much pressure. I couldn’t

sleep. I’d hear a noise at night and jump up and run to the win-

dow, expecting to see the repo man pulling out of the driveway

with my car.”

Today she admits that all her energy back then was on get-

ting her old life back, her old identity. “My focus was all external,”

she says. “My idea of success was a personal relationship with the

sales staff at Bloomingdales, concierge services, and being greet-

ed by name when I walked into a Congressional office.”

After the economy tanked, money came together in dribs and

drabs. She’d land a couple of small contracts and then nothing

for months. “I was always digging out of a hole. When a check did

finally come, I owed it and more away in back bills.”

Meanwhile, she was still trying to play the part. This meant

saying yes when colleagues got together for a night cap after

working late or picking up the dinner tab with a potential cli-

ent. “Of course, no one ever suggested TGIF’s, Ruby Tuesday’s or


Olive Garden,” she says laughing. It was always the chicest of the

DC watering holes where one drink and a couple of “small” plates

would easily run you $50 and up with tax and tip.

“In those days I was afraid to say no,” Zoe says. “I was tap danc-

ing as fast as I could, but the income just never came together

again consistently enough for me to reproduce my old life.”

By the spring of 2013, she was 3 months behind in her house

payment. She packed up her stuff and rented a storage unit large

enough to hold the contents of her 4 bedroom house and moved

in with family in another city.

She was grateful to have somewhere to go, but the change was

stark. “My college age daughter and I went from living in about

2,500 sq. ft. of space to 900 sq. ft.”

These were dark days. All she wanted to do was hide. The

move broadcast failure in her eyes. “I was in shock, embarrassed,

lost. I cried all the time. My identity was defined by the high pro-

filed jobs and all my ‘stuff’.”

I don’t have to ask Zoe about her lowest point. It was a little

after 7am when my phone rang one morning. Back then Zoe and I

checked in with each other almost every day, but never this early.

“You’ve got to talk me through this,” she said her voice fragile and

raw with emotion.

18 | WHITE

We stayed on the phone for the next five hours. I listened a lot.

We cried together, raged together. Mostly I let her talk until she

was done. She felt afraid and exhausted. Old. Failure clung to her.

The world had changed in ways she did not understand. What

she offered nobody seemed to want. She was scared she’d would

never find work again, never get her life back.

I listened. This was not the time for platitudes and hollow re-

assurance. We both knew people just like us who had gone off

grid and couldn’t get back. In this new world, recovery was not

assured.

Continued in “55, Unemployed and Faking Normal.”

Release Date Fall 2015. Sign up for a free account on

www.55andfakingnormal.com to get resources and to share your

journey with other Boomers.

55, Unemployed & Faking Normal Copyright © 2015 by Lizzy White.

All rights reserved.

http://www.55andfakingnormal.com

http://bit.ly/1fVwLLu

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INTRODUCTION - 55 & Faking Normal55andfakingnormal.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/55-Unemploye… · 55, Unemployed & Faking Normal | 5 My article struck a chord because you recognized