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IntentionalPeerSupportCoreCompetencies–FullVersionMethod:____SelfRating(Staff)____EvaluatorRating____Co-SupervisionRating(Group) ____PeerRating(Guest)____PeerRating(Staff)____Other: Date:_____________
CRITERION1: ENGAGESINCO-LEARNINGRATHERTHANHELPING
IPSDIMENSION Principle1:Learningvs.Helping
DESCRIPTION:
• Seesothersascapableco-learnersandresponsibleadults(vs.non-responsible,fragile,orneedingadvice,guidanceormonitoring)
• Approachesrelationshipwithcuriosityandinterest(vs.setideas,assumptionsandpredictions)• Iseagertolearnfromotheranddiscovertheirinterests,experiences,insightsandtalents• Asksquestionstolearn,exploreandunderstand(vs.assess,problem-solve,teachorcorrect)• Isopentonewwaysoflookingatthings(vs.imposingviewpointsorguidingtheothertolookatthingsinacertainway)
• Iswillingtotryoutnewideasandapproaches(vs.inflexibleandattachedtoafixedideasorwaysdoingthings).• Findswaysto‘staypeer’evenwhenaskedforhelporadvice(vs.assuminganexpertorhelpingrole)• Allowstimefornewunderstandingstoemergeratherthanproblem-solvingorimposingsolutions
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Stay“peer.”• Regardeachotherascapable,responsibleadultswithuniquegiftsandmuchtocontribute.• Rememberthatmuchof“helplessness”and“fragility”islearned• Becuriousratherthanoperatingfromourownagenda• Resistthetemptationtojumpintoanexpertorhelpingrole–evenwhenaskedforhelporadvice• Seewhatwecanlearnfromsomeoneelse’swayoflookingatthingsratherthanimposingourviewpointorsubtlyguidingotherstoseethingsourway
• Askquestionsratherthangiveanswers• Bewillingtoexperimentwithnewideasandapproaches• Havethecouragetowaitandseewhatemergesratherthanjumpingintoproblem-solvingorgivingadvice.
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CRITERION1SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Usuallyassumestheroleofhelper,withlittleefforttolearnfromorabouttheother.
Makessomeefforttolearnwithothers,butusuallybeginswithorshiftsintohelping.
Combineshelpingandlearninginapproximatelyequalmeasure.
Primarilylearningwitheachotherbutoccasionallyshiftsintohelping.
Nearlyalwayslearningfromeachother.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
Youlookdepressed,youshouldwriteinyourjournal.
How’sitgoing?Youlookalittledown,maybeyoushouldwriteinyourjournal.
How’sitgoing?YoulookalittledownbutI’dliketohearwhatyouthinkisgoingon.
Irealizethatmostlyknowyoufromourtalksaboutdepression.I’dliketogettoknowsomeotherthingsaboutyou.
IrealizethatIdon’tknowyoubeyondtalkingaboutyourexperience.I’dlikeforustogettoknoweachothermore.
OUTCOME Naming/simplifyingsomeoneelse’sexperienceandtakingcontrolofsolution.
Learningforboth(e.g.bothpeoplesaythingslike,“I’veneverthoughtaboutitthatwaybefore”).
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CRITERION2: FOCUSESONTHERELATIONSHIPANDRELATIONALCARE(VERSUSFOCUSINGONINDIVIDUALSANDINDIVIDUALNEEDS)
IPSDIMENSION: Principle2:Relationshipvs.Individual
DESCRIPTION:
• Proactivelycaresforthehealthoftherelationshipandhowitisworkingforeveryone• Aspirestorelationshipsthatworkwellforallconcerned• Remainsconstantlymindfuloftherelationalqualityofinteraction• Attendstouniversalrelationalneeds-mutualrespect,dignity,interest,engagement,opennesstomultipleperspectives
• Invitesco-reflectiononexperienceofrelationshipandrelationaldynamics,including:○ ebbsandflowsofconnection,disconnectionandreconnection○ impactofdifferingassumptionsorexpectations○ habitsorpatternsofinteracting○ waysofmakingmeaning,and○ mattersofpersonalstatus,privilegeandpower
• Takesresponsibilityforpersonalagendas,assumptions,patterns,etc.,andtheirimpactontherelationship.• Prioritizestheneedsoftherelationship(whatisgoodfortherelationship)overindividualpreferencesorinterests• Sharespersonalexperienceoftherelationshipinwaysthatcanbeheardbyothers• Invitesandencouragesreciprocalfeedbackabouthowtherelationshipisworkingforeveryone.
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Payattentiontoandtalkabout:○ ourexperienceoftherelationship(e.g.howitfeelstoeachofusintermsofconnection/disconnection)○ thewaywerelatewitheachother(e.g.,thedynamicsintherelationship)○ whetherwe’recaringfortheneedsofourrelationship–e.g.,areweofferingeachotherthingslikerespect,dignity,interest,validationofexperiencesandworldview?
○ differencesinstatus,powerandprivilegepower–howdotheseaffectourwayofrelating?○ ourassumptionsandhowtheyimpactourrelationship○ themeaningsweareeachmakingofourinteractionsandwaysofrelatingtoeachother
• Share(inawaythatcanbeheard)○ howtherelationshipisworkingforeveryone○ whatweeacharefeeling,thinking,perceiving,appreciating,hopingforinourrelationship○ whatwillcreateandmaintainconnectionandavoidorpreventdisconnection
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CRITERION2SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Giveslittleornoattentiontorelationshiporrelationalcare;almostentirelyfocusedonindividualsandtheirneeds
Demonstratessomeawarenessofrelationshipandtheneedforrelationalcare-thoughtheinteractionisfocusedonindividualneeds
Touchesonrelationshipandrelationalcareinconversation,butfocusisstillonindividualneedsandconcerns
Attendstorelationshipandtheneedforrelationalcaredirectlyinconversation,butmayoccasionallyoverlookthiswhenitisrelevant
Continuallyawareofrelationship;addressesneedforrelationalcarebothproactivelyandspontaneouslyinawaythatdeepensmutualunderstandingandconnection.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
I’mheretosupportyouinyourrecovery.
Let’ssharesomeideasaboutwhatmightsupportyourrecovery.
Igotfrustratedinourconversationlastweek,buthowareyoudoingtoday?
Igotfrustratedinourconversationlastweek.Iwishyou’dbemoreopenwithmeinthefuture.
Igotfrustratedinourconversationlastweek.Iwonderhowitwasforyou?
OUTCOME Expert/clienttyperelationship
Friendlyrelationshipwithafocusonindividual
Raisingarelationalneedbutstillfocusedontheindividual
Raisingtheissueofrelationalneeds,butstilltalkingaboutthissomewhatfroma‘myneeds-yourneeds’perspective.
Takesresponsibilityforpersonalneeds,sharesexperienceofrelationship,invitesco-reflectiononhowtherelationshipisworking.
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CRITERION3: FOCUSESONHOPEANDPOSSIBILITY(VERSUSFEARANDMANAGINGDISCOMFORT)
IPSDIMENSION Principle3:Hope&Possibilityvs.Fear
DESCRIPTION • Formshope-basedrelationships,focusedon:○ Whatispossible○ Wherewearegoing○ Howwecanco-createsomethingnew
• Whenfearscomeup:○ Takespersonalownershipofthemasownperspective(versusassessingyouas“unsafe”)○ Discussesthemopenly(“Ifeelafraid”)versusimposingownneeds(“Youneedtocalmdown”)○ Sitswithdiscomfortandnegotiatestosharepower(Iwonderifwecouldtalkaboutwhatwearebothwantingtohappenhere?)versusimposingownagenda(“I’mcalling911foryourgood”)
• Activelyexplorestherelationalpossibilitiesfor:○ Learningandgrowingtogetherthroughchallengesandcrisis○ Creatingwhatiswantedinawaythatmakeslifebetterforeveryone
• Bearswitnesstoothers’experiencesfromahope-basedperspective.
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Setourintentiontostaywithhopeandpossibilityversusfear• Keepourfocuson:○ Whatispossible○ Wherewearegoing○ Howwecancreatesomethingnewtogether
• Whenfearscomeup:○ Practicesittingwithdiscomfort(versusreactingortakingover)○ Takepersonalownershipoffearsasourownfears(versusassessingothers)○ Discussourfearsopenly(“Ifeelafraid”)versusimposingourneeds(“Youneedtocalmdown”)○ Negotiateandsharepower(versusimposingouragenda)
• Askourselves:• Whatcanwelearnfromthis?• Whereisthegrowthinthisforeachofus?• Whatisitwereallywanttoseehappen?• Howcanweuseourrelationshipandsupporteachothermovethroughfearintonewpossibilities?
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CRITERION3SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Focusesalmostentirelyonfearofillnessandmanagingsymptoms..Possibilitiesbeyondthisarerarelyconsidered.Routinelyimposesfear-basedconcernsonothers.
Stillfear-focused,butabletorecognizesomefear-basedassumptionswhentheyarepointedout.Requiresconsiderablecoachingtoshifttohopeandpossibility.
Sometimesabletoseefear-basedassumptionsonown,andusuallyifpointedout.Sometimesabletoshiftfocustohopeandpossibilityonowninitiative.
Oftenabletofocusonhopeandpossibilityindependently.Usuallyawareofownfears.Sometimesabletoself-correctafterimposingownfearsonothers.
Nearlyalwaysfocusesonexploringpossibilities.Awareofandownspersonalfearsaslimitedbylifeexperience
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.
Yourdepressionisn’tgoingaway.Weneedtocallyourdoctor.
I’mconcernedthatyou’vebeendepressedforsolong.Shouldwecallyourdoctor?
Itworriesmethatyou’vebeendepressedforsolong.Whatdoyouthinkweshoulddo?
I’mhearingthatthesebigfeelingshavebeenstickingaround.Whatwouldyouliketoseehappenfromhere?
Icanstarttofeelkindofstuckwhenbigfeelingsstickaround.What’sitlikeforyou?(Then,ifenoughconnection:Howmightwebetogetherdifferentlythatwouldmeetbothourneeds?)
OUTCOME Optionsareconstrainedbymedicalmodel,riskmanagement,expectationsofillness,individuallimitations,andfearsofbadoutcomes.
Awiderangeofpossibilitiesareexploredinarelationalcontextofencouragementandconnection
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CRITERION4: NURTURESANDCULTIVATESCONNECTIONWITHOTHERS
IPSDIMENSION Task1:Connection
DESCRIPTION
• Communicateswarmthandvaluingofotherpeople• Demonstratesopenness,curiosityandinterestinothers’experiences,storiesandperspectives• Invitesandencouragesothers’sharing• Conveysrespect,acceptanceandadesiretounderstand(vs.,e.g.,judgmentorrefutationorcompetition)• Attendstoandreflects:○ Inspiration(whatresonated,capturedattention,sparkedimagination,struckachord)○ Identification(whatitmightbeliketolivelifeinotherperson’sshoes-intheirworldthewaytheyhavecometoexperienceit)
○ Meaning(values,beliefs,hopes,dreams,themes,purposesorcommitmentsthatothersseemtobeexpressing)○ Personalimpact(waystheconversationmoved,touched,inspired,informedorchangedthelistener)○ Relevantpersonalexperience(howthelisteneraccountsfortheirownresponsesbasedonownlifeexperiences)
• Appreciatesandvalidatescorefeelings,themes,meaningsandunderstandings• Respondsinsyncwiththeotherperson’semotion,intensity,toneandcapacityforpayingattention• Risksvulnerability○ Offersrelevantpersonalexperiencesandperspectives○ Allowsthemselvestobepersonallyimpactedandsharesaboutthisinawaythatdeepenstheconnection
• Whendisconnectionhappens:○ Recognizesthisandtakesstepstocareforrelationalneeds○ Ownsownpartandseekstofacilitateshonest,authenticreconnection.○ Maintainshopethatconnectionandreconnectioncanbecomepossible.
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PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Offercuriosity,interest,acceptance,warmthandengagement• Payattentiontowhereweconnectandwhatwehaveincommon,versusgettingside-trackedbydifferencesordislikes.
• Findwaystoconnectevenwhenothers’perspectivesorexperiencesaredifferentfromourown• Listenactivelyandaskourselves:○ Whatresonates,capturesattention,strikesachord,sparksimagination?(inspiration)○ Whatwouldittaketosurvivelifethisperson’sshoes-intheirworld,fromtheirperspective,thewaytheyhavecometoexperienceit…?(identification)
○ Whatcorevalues,beliefs,hopes,dreams,purposesorcommitmentsdoestheirstorysuggest?(meaning)○ What“heroes”storyaretheytellingabouttheirexperienceasahumanbeing?(meaning)○ Howhavewebeenmoved,changed,enlarged,enlightenedasaresultofourrelationship(personalimpact)○ Whyhavewebeentouchedbytheotherperson’sexperience?(relevantpersonalexperience)○ Whataboutourownstoriesaccountsforthis?(relevantpersonalexperience)
• Riskvulnerability:○ Letothersknowthepositivewaystheconnectionisaffectingus○ Validatecorefeelings,themesandmeanings○ Offersrelevantpersonalexperiencesandperspectives○ Allowsthemselvestobepersonallyimpactedandsharesaboutthisinawaythatdeepenstheconnection
• Payattentiontothe“feel”ofwhattheotherpersonissharing.○ Getasenseoftheirtone,emotion,intensityandcapacityforpayingattention○ Whatspirit/energydoesthatevokeinyou?○ Isthereawaytorespondfromthatplace?○ Whenwe’rejustgettingtoknowpeople,shorton-pointstory‘snippets’oftenworkbetterforbuildingconnectionthantheepic-lengthversionmanyofuseventuallysharewithpeopleweknowwell.
• Whendisconnectionhappens:○ Remainrespectfulevenwhenothersdoorsaysomethingthatraisespersonaldiscomfort○ Gobacktorelationalneeds:What’smissing?Howcanwecarefortherelationalneedsofallconcerned?○ Reflectonourownpart:What’shappeningformehereintermsofmyownneeds&myownlifeexperience?○ Shareinwaysthatcanbeheard:Behonest,authenticandsincere,butalsoremembertohonormultipleperspectives
○ Leadwithvulnerability:“Mypart&whatI’mhopingtododifferentlyis…”○ Moveintohope&possibility:“I’msharingthisbecauseI’dreallylikeustohavethekindofrelationshipthat…”○ Inviteco-reflection:“Iwonderwhatyourexperiencewas&howyou’refeelingaboutthingsnow…?”
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CRITERION4SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Unawareofimpactonrelationshipofvaluingorvalidatingresponses.Typicallydevaluesandinvalidatestheotherintheinteraction
Someattentiontorelationalimpactofvaluingandvalidation.Communications,onbalance,remaindevaluingandinvalidating
Intermittentattentiontorelationalimpactofvaluingandvalidation.Communicationsareinconsistentormixed.
Frequentattentiontorelationalimpactofvaluingandvalidation.Communications,onbalance,arevaluingandvalidating
Continualawarenessrelationalimpactsrelatedtovaluingandvalidation.Valuingandvalidatingarecommunicatednaturally,fluentlyandconsistently
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
Whydon’tyoujustgetoverit,youcan’talwaysbedepressed.
Depressionishardbutmaybeyou’retoofocusedonit.
Itmustbehardforyou.Youmustbetiredbutyouhavetorememberthatyou’llgetthroughit.
Soundslikethingshavebeenreallyhardforyoulately.
Icanimaginethatit’sbeenreallyhardforyoulately.IrememberatimewhenitseemedtheonlythingIfeltwasdepressed.
OUTCOME Invalidatesanddisconnectsfromotherperson.
Peoplefeelseen,heardandvalidatedandknowthatthey’renotalone
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CRITERION5: ISAWAREOFTHEPOWEROFLANGUAGETOCREATEREALITY
IPSDIMENSION Task2:Worldview(PowerofLanguage)
DESCRIPTION • Isawareofthedominantcultureworldviews(e.g.,medicalmodel,psychiatriclabeling,institutionalizedpowerandprivilege)inherentinmuchofeverydaylanguage
• Invitesawarenessofmedical,clinicalorpopularjargonthatdefineshumanexperiencesinthelanguageofdominantcultureassumptionsabout‘mentalillness.’
• Usespeople-friendly,everydaylanguagetodescribehumanexperience.Thisincludesthelanguageof:○ ordinaryexperience(e.g.,feelingoverwhelmed,seeingthingsothersdidn’t)versusmedicaljargonorlabeling(e.g.,decompensate,psychotic)
○ curiosity(e.g.,Iwonderwhatshe’sfeeling?)insteadofassumptionsofillness(e.g.shemustbesick)○ acceptance(that’satoughsituation,I’vebeenthere)vs.judgments(e.g.,thatwasstupid,heshouldhaveknownbetter)
○ neutral,sensoryobservations(saw,heard,touched,tasted,smelled)thattakeintoaccountsituationandcontext(shewalkedoutoftheroomfasterandmoreenergeticallythansheusuallydoes)versusvalues-ladengeneralizationsthatprojectfixedcategoriesorpermanence(e.g.,womenaretoosensitive!;she’sgettingmanic)
○ transparencyandself-disclosure(shecameacrossasverypersuasivetome)versusexpertcharacterizations(e.g.,sheisthebestadvocatearound)
• Intentionallyuseslanguageinserviceoflisteningtounderstandandopenupworldview• Explorestheuntoldstoryofhowmedicallanguageusagedeveloped• Invitesotherstodescribetheirexperiencesusinglanguagethatmakesenseforthem
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Cultivateawarenessofourlanguageandhowweuseit• Thinkcriticallyaboutwhatwordsmean–especiallyifwesaythemalotorhearthemrepeatedbyothers○ Whatdotheymeantousineverydaylanguage?○ Whatexperiencesandmeaningsdotheystandfor?○ Whatworldviewofourselvesandourpossibilitiesdotheypromote?○ Dothewordsreinforcestatusquoassumptionsaboutpowerandprivilegeorhelptodeconstructit?
• Rememberthatexperiencesandpeopleareforeverchanging–sothebestdescriptionsstayspecifictosituationandcontext
• Usethelanguageofeverydayexperience(seeabove)• Staypeerandbetransparent.Thismeansowningourexperienceasourexperience(e.g.,shecameacrossasverypersuasivetome)versustalkinglikeexperts(e.g.,she’sthebestadvocateintown)
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CRITERION5SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Unconsciousofjargonandlabeling.Nearlyalwaysusesdehumanizinglanguagethatlabelsthosereceivingservicesandtheirexperiences
Developingawarenessofjargonandlabeling.Languageuseacknowledgesbasichumanityofpeoplereceivingservices
Awareofjargonandlabeling.Languageshowscompassionandconcernforthosereceivingservices
Oftenuseseverydaylanguagetodescribeexperiences.Allowsroomforpeoplereceivingservicestodescribeanddefinetheirownexperiences
Consistentlyuseslanguageofeverydayexperience.Invitesotherstodescribeanddefinetheirownexperiencesinwaysthatmakesensetothem.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.
Youneedtofacefacts:Youhaveclinicaldepressionandyou’vegottenreallyperseverativeandattention-seeking
Itlookslikeyou’rehavingarecurrenceofseveredepression.That’sprobablycausingalotofyourruminatingandself-absorption
Youseemtohavesomerealmoodchallengesandthesymptomsputstressonyoursocialfunctioning.
You’vetalkedabout“beingdepressed”thelasttwotimeswe’vemet.Whatdoes“beingdepressed”looklikeforyou?
Iusedtocallmybigfeelings“depression.”Thatmeantsomethingformydoctors,soIguessIjustwentwithit.Butafterawhile,IrealizedIhadstoppedpayingattentiontowhat“depression”meanttome.I’mwonderingifyouthinkaboutwhatdepressionmeansforyou?
OUTCOME Peopleareassessed,labeled,categorizedand,judged,reinforcingadehumanizingillnessframework
Peoplefeelfreetodefinetheirownexperiences;languageofdominantculture/medicalmodel(illness/diagnosis)ismerelyoneofchoiceamongmany.
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CRITERION6: LISTENSTOOPENUPANDEXPLOREWORLDVIEW.
IPSDIMENSION Task2:Worldview:(ListeningDifferently)
DESCRIPTION • Isawareofworldviewanditsimportanceinpeersupport• Understandsthattheworldviewisbasedonmyriaddiversepersona,environmentalandexperientialfactorsandisthereforedifferentforeveryone
• Understandshowexperiencewiththedominantculture,includingmedicalandclinicalconstructionsofillness,impactworldviewformation.
• Isawareofownworldviewandkeyfactorsinhowitwasformed.• Readilyexaminesownworldviewassumptions,withandwithoutinvitationorchallengefromothers.• Iscomfortablewith,andabletoaffirmandvalidatemultipleperspectivesdifferentfromone’sown• Activelyworkstoholdownworldviewlightly,andlistentoothers“fromapositionofnotknowing”• Recognizesthattheinitial“toldstory”isonlythetipoftheicebergandisinfluencedbytheteller’sassumptionsaboutthelistenerandwhatthelistenerwantstohear
• Listensfor,andinvitesexplorationof,the“untoldstory”,includingkeyfeelings,thoughts,experiences,themes,andmeaningsthathaveremainedunspoken.
• Exploresothers’worldviewassumptionsanduntoldstoriesfromaplaceofgenuinevaluing,respect,curiosity,non-judgmentandinterest.
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
Listeningfortheuntoldstory• Rememberthatour“toldstories”areonlythetipoftheiceberg.• The“untoldstory”iseverythingelsebelowthesurface.Thisincludes:○ Thehugemassofexperienceswithself,othersandourworldthathavecontributedtowhoweareandhowweseetheworldtoday(worldview).
○ Ourfeelings,thoughts,sensations,experiences(physical,social,cultural,environmental,internal,sensations,dreams,visions,self-talk,voices),family,relationships,culture,education,lifethemes,memories,longings,personalmeanings–evenourgenesandbiology-makeacontribution.
• Cluestoouruntoldstoriescomeinmanyforms–choiceofwords,intensity,energy,facialexpressions,howfastwe’retalking,toneofvoice,howwecarryourselvesorphysicallyuseourbodiestoexpresswhatwe’refeelingorthinking
Listeningfromapositionofnotknowing• It’seasytomakeassumptionswhenpartsofourtoldstoriesstarttomatchup.However,weneedtobemindfulthat
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ouruntoldstoriesarealwaysgoingtobedifferentinsomeuniqueandimportantways.• Wealsoneedtokeepinmindthatwe’renotassessingordiagnosingeachother–we’retryingtounderstandandappreciatewhateachotherisexperiencing.
• Agoodwaytopracticethisis“listeningfromapositionof‘notknowing.’”• Somequestionswecanaskfromapositionof“notknowing”include:○ Helpmeunderstand…○ Iwonder…○ Howdidyoulearn…○ Whatmakesthatso…(hard,scary…)
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CRITERION6SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Unconsciousofworldview.Nearlyalwaystakesownandother’stoldstoryatfacevalue.Worldviewdifferencesareseenas“rightorwrong”
Developingawarenessofworldviewformation.Conversationstaysmostlyonthesurface.Someworldviewsareclearlybetterthanothers.
Consciousofworldview.Startingtoexploreandopenupuntoldstory.Stillrespondsfromaplaceof‘knowing,butbeginningtoacknowledgealternateperspectives.
Consciouslyexploringworldviewandopeninguptheuntoldstory.Nolongerpresumestoknowother’sexperienceorhaveanswersforthem.Invitesandrespectsalternateperspectives.
Explorationofworldviewanduntoldstoryareintegratedandnatural,responses.Eschewsassumptionsaboutothers’experiences.Demonstratesdeeprespectandappreciationofmultipleperspectives.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
You’rechronicallydepressed;Youshouldseeyourdoctor.
You’vebeenprettydepressedlately.Itmightbegoodifyoucalledyourdoctor.
You’vetalkedaboutfeelingdepressedforawhilenow.Whatwouldyouthinkaboutcallingyourdoctor?
You’vebeentellingmeyou’re“depressed.”Itsoundsreallypainful.Whatdoes‘depressed’meanforyou?
Iknowwhat“depressed”meansforme.ButIwanttounderstandwhatit’slikeforyou.Canyoutellmemoreaboutwhatyou’reexperiencing?
OUTCOME Conversationsarelimitedbythespeaker’sinitialassumptionsaboutthelistenerandthelistener’sworldviewofwhatthespeakertalksabout,withlittlenewlearningormeaningfulconnection.
Conversationsexploreandopenuptheworldviewassumptionsand“untoldstories”ofeveryoneinvolved,resultingindeepenedunderstandingandconnectionwithselfandothers.
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CRITERION7: ASPIRESTOMUTUALLYRESPONSIBLERELATIONSHIPSTHATWORKFOREVERYONE
IPSDIMENSION Task3:Mutuality(MutualResponsibility)
DESCRIPTION: • Strivesforrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone• Activelyinvitesandmakesspaceforeveryone’sperspectives• Neitherignoresnorimposesownneedsandinterestsonothers• Valuesothers’concerns,interestsandperspectivesonaparwithone’sown• Negotiatesrelationalneedsandinterestsinwaysthatworkforallconcerned(selfaswellasothers)• Seekstonegotiatepowerandprivilegeinwaysthatworkforeveryone○ Isawarepowerandprivilegeheldbyselfandothers○ Invitesmutualexplorationofimpactonrelationship○ andrelationaldynamics
• Facilitationeffortsresultinanengaged,collaborative,creativeprocessforallconcerned.
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Beawareofourownneedsandinterests• Inviteandlearnaboutotherpeoples’needsandinterests• Thinkaboutwhatwillmakeforagoodrelationship• Whenthingsgetsticky,takeastepback&thinkaboutthisfromtheperspectiveofeveryoneintherelationship!○ Whatcommonrelationalneedsandinterestsdoweshare?○ Howarewedifferent?○ Whatmightbedifferentifwevaluedtheotherperson’sneedsonaparwithourown(oriftheyvaluedourneedsonthesamelevelastheirs)?
○ Isthereawaytonavigatethisthatmightworkforeveryone?• Payattentiontopowerandprivilege-ourownandotherspeoples:○ Howareissuesofpowerandprivilegeimpactingourrelationship?○ Whatareourworldviewsaboutpowerandprivilege?○ Whatuntoldstoriesdowehaveabouteachotheraroundtheseissues?○ Wheredotheycomefrom?○ Isthisthefirsttimetheseissueshavecomeup–ordoweeachhaveearlieruntoldstories?○ Howdoourpriorexperiencesaffectourabilitytosharepowerandnegotiatemutuality?○ Isthereawayofrelating/negotiatingthisthatmightworkforallofus?
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CRITERION7SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE
Noapparentattentiontocreatingrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone.Needsandinterestsareignoredorunilaterallyassertedwithlittleattemptatnegotiation
Beginningawarenessofmutualityandsharedresponsibility.Relationshipnegotiationsremaininfrequentandinconsistent.Needsandinterestsaremostlyignoredorunilaterallyasserted.
Awareofmutualityandsharedresponsibility.Relationshipnegotiationsseektoaddresseveryone’sneedsandinterests,thoughgenuineco-creationisoftenlacking
Importanceofmutualityandsharedresponsibilityisfullyappreciated.Genuinedialogueisinvitedtonegotiaterelationalneedsandinterests.
Practiceofmutualityandsharedresponsibilityappearsnaturalandorganic.Relationshipsarenegotiatedinwaysthatappearbothco-creativeandinspired.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.
“I’mhappytolistentowhateveryouwanttoshare.”OR“Stopbeingsuchanattentionhog–we’realwaystalkingaboutyou”
“Icanlistenagainifyoureallyneedmeto…”OR“I’mgettingtiredoflisteningsomuch–I’dthinkitshouldbemyturnthisweek.
“Icanlistenforawhile,butI’dliketotalkaboutmesometoo”
Weseemtobetalkingaboutdepressionalot.I’dliketolookathowthat’sworkingforbothofus.
IhavesomethingI’dliketotalkabouttogether.Itfeelsalittlehardtometobringup,butI’dstilllikeitifwecouldtry.Wouldthatbeokwithyou?
OUTCOME Relationshipsbecomeimbalancedandunhealthyforeveryone.Coreneedsareneverdiscussedornegotiated.Participantsfeeldissatisfiedanddisconnected.
Mutualityandsharedresponsibilityareopenlydiscussedandnegotiated.Living,dynamicrelationshipsthatworkforeveryoneinthemareco-createdovertime.
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CRITERION8: SHARESTHERISKOFNEGOTIATINGCHALLENGESANDDISCOMFORTRELATIONALLY
IPSDIMENSION Task3:Mutuality(SharedRisk)
DESCRIPTION: • Resistsurgetotakepowerorcontrolinthefaceofpersonaldiscomfort• Activelyworkstosharepowerandresponsibilityduringtimesofchallenge,conflictordiscomfort.• Ownsandtakesresponsibilityforpersonaldiscomfortandreactivity,andholdsspaceforotherstodothesame.• Activelyuses(orcollaborativelyexploreswaystouse)therelationshipasaresourceto:○ exploreandexaminepersonalworldview/untoldstoriescontributingtodiscomfort○ riskgenuineness,vulnerabilityandtransparencyinmovingtowarddeeperconnectionandmutuality○ listentoandappreciatetheworldview/experiencesoftheotherpersonasbeingtrueandvalidforthem○ managethediscomfortanduncertaintyofmovingbeyondoldpatternsandexploringnewfrontiers○ holdfaiththatconnection/reconnection,mutualityandmovingtowardarepossibleeveninthefaceofseriouschallenge,disagreementordiscomfort
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Resistanurgetocontrol• Selfreflectandacknowledgefear/anger/conflict.○ Isthisanoldresponsetosometoughfeelings?○ Canwefindawaytalktogetheraboutit?○ Whatmightweeachinordertostayinrelationshipandhavethiskindofconversation?
• Makespacefortheothertotellhis/herstory• Rememberthatanyone’srealityisvalidforthepersonexperiencingit.• Trytounderstandandvalidatewheretheotherpersoniscomingfrom• Nottakeourdifferencepersonally–weeachhaveourownworldviewsforgoodreasons• Notmakeanyone’sworldviewrightorwrong–it’sjustoneworldviewofazillionpossibleworldviews• Holdontoourownworldviewwhileatthesametimeholdinguptheworldviewsofothers• Inquirewhatwebothneedandwant• Striveforrelationshipsthatworkforeveryone
Aprocessfornegotiatingconflictandworldviewdifferences• Eachshare&validateforeachother:○ Whatneedstohappen/changeinourrelationshiptomakeitworkforeachofus?○ Whydowefeelthisway?(untoldstory)
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○ Whydowethinkweknowthis?(Whatexperienceshavecontributedtoourperspective?)• Compareandcontrast:○ Noticetogetherwhereweagree(worldviews/experiences/needs/wants,etc.)○ Validateourplacesofagreement
• Wherearewedifferent(worldviews/experiences/needs/wants,etc)?○ Noticethistogether.○ Validateoursittingwiththisdiscomfort
• Validateandnegotiateour‘alternaterealities’:○ Worldviewdifferences=twopeopleinexperiencingrealitydifferently=“alteraterealities”○ Ask:• IfIhadexperiencedwhatyouaredescribing…• AndifIsawthingstheinthewayyounowseethem…• Then,whatwouldIbefeeling,experiencingorwantingrightnow?
○ Shareandvalidatethat.• Negotiateourrelationalneedsbasedonwhatwehavejustlearnedabouteachother• Holdingourrelationalneedsclearlyinmind,rinse&repeattheaboveprocesswithindividualneeds• Seewherethatleads….
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CRITERION8SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Notwilling&/orabletotolerateornegotiatediscomfort(e.g.,fear,angerorconflict),uncertaintyorrisk.Unquestioningrelianceontraditionalservices.
Abletotoleratesomediscomfort,uncertaintyorrisk.Willingtonegotiatesomewhat,butheavyrelianceontraditionalservices
Willingtotoleratesignificantdiscomfort,uncertaintyorrisk.Opentogenuinenegotiation,butprefersinvolvingtraditionalservices
Readilytoleratesdiscomfort,uncertaintyandrisk.Engagesingenuinenegotiationaroundconcernsandoptions,thoughstillsomewhatgearedtowardmanagingsymptoms.
Fullyacceptsdiscomfort,uncertaintyandriskasanecessarypartoftheprocess.Sharesinvulnerabilityandinvitesmutualexplorationofconcerns,meaningsandpossibilities
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.TodayshetellsSarahshe’sreadytoendit!
I’llhavetocallemergencyservices
Howseriousareyou?Doyouthinkweshouldcallemergencyservices?
Ifeelafraidwhenyousayyou’regoingtoendit.Iwonderifweshouldcallemergencyservices?
Ifeelafraidwhenyousayyou’regoingtoendit.Iwonderwhatwecandotomakeyoufeelbetter?
Ifeelafraidwhenyousayyou’regoingtoenditbutIrealizeIdon’tknowwhatyoumeanbysayingyou’rereadytoendit
OUTCOME Passthis‘safety’problemontosomeonewho‘knowsmorethanhedoes’,aprofessional;coercion
Peopleconsiderdiscomfortanaturalpartofthelearningprocess.Moreabilitytoworkthroughhardtimeswithoutprofessionalintervention.Peoplefeelmorecapableandhavehopeevenindifficultsituations.
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CRITERION9: DIRECTSENERGYANDATTENTIONTOWARDWHATISWANTEDANDHOWITCANBECREATED
IPSDIMENSION Task4:MovingTowards(versusAwayFrom)
DESCRIPTION • Invitesmutualsharingaroundvalues,hopes,dreams,possibilitiesandaspirationsforliving.• Validatesandcreativelyworkswith(ratherthanagainst)theother’senergy,interests,perspectives,realities,andmeanings
• Personalandrelationalenergyandattentionarenaturally,continuallymovingtoward:○ whatiswantedandhowitcouldbecreated(versusmovingawayfromwhatisn’torcan’t)○ openinguppossibilitiesandnewperspectives(versusproblemsandproblem-solving)○ values,aspirationsandambitionsforlivingwell(versusfocusingonlimitationsandhowtocopewithinthem)○ jointcreation,exploration,anddiscovery(versusindividualgoalsandgoal-setting)○ optimalhumanandrelationalfunctioning(versusindividualdiagnosisandtreatmentplans)○ relationalandcommunitydevelopment(versuslocatingproblemsinindividuals)
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Tryputtingourenergyandattentioninto:○ exploringandenvisioningwhatiswanted-versuswhatisbad,wrongornotwanted○ seeingwhatemergesfromworkingtogether-versusgettingtoofocusedonmakinggoalsandachievingthem○ sharingandbuildingonideasandexperiences-versusworryingaboutproblemsandsolvingthem
• Exploretogetherhowwecan:○ usecrisisorchallengetolearnandgrow○ makeourlivesbetterbycreatingwhatwereallywant○ changeourrelationshipsandsocietysothateveryoneishappierandhealthier
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CRITERION9SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Focusesonmovingawayfromproblems.Attentionisdirectedtoproblem-solvingandindividualgoals
Someawarenessofmovingtowardwhatiswanted,butstillfocusesonproblem-solvingandindividualsolutions.
Invitesmovingtowardwhatiswanted.Individualandrelationalconceptsaremixed,asareproblem-solvingandco-creating
Consistentlyinvitesmovingtowardwhatiswanted,usingrelationalandco-creatingfocus
Co-creativemovingtowardpossibilitiesnaturallyemergesfromwayofbeinginrelationshipwithothers
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
You’vegottoomuchgoingon.Juststopdoingsomuch!
You’llfeelbetterifyoutakebettercareofyourselfanddon’tgetsoover-extended
Gosh,we’vebeentalkingalotaboutdepressionlately.Maybeyou’dfeelbetterifwetalkedaboutsomethingelse
Iwonderwhatmightbedifferentinourrelationshipifourfocuswasn’tondepression?Whatwouldyouratherfeel?
Ihavebigfeelingsthatstaywithmesometimestoo.Iwaswondering,couldweuseourrelationshiptotrysomethingdifferent?Whatwouldyouthinkofthat?
OUTCOME(INTERMSOFRELATIONAL/POWERDYNAMICSANDROLES(EXPERT–CLIENT)
ThinkthatthatIamagoodpeersupportworkeronlywhenIamhelpingpeoplewiththeirproblems.
Personfeelsvalidatedyetcuriousaboutother(new,relational)waysofresponding
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CRITERION10: CULTIVATESSELF-AWARENESSINSERVICEOFRELATIONALNEEDS
IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:RelationalSelf-Awareness
DESCRIPTION • Activelyreflectsontheexperienceofselfinrelationship• Isawareofownworldviewandhowitdeveloped,includingpersonalfeelings,thoughts,attitudes,assumptions,judgments,agendas,power,privilege,defaultsandpatterns
• Isabletodistinguishshared(consensual)realityfromnon-shared(private)reality○ Recognizesthelimitationsofownworldviewandexperienceofreality○ Takesownershipofownperspectivewhensharingexperiencesorofferingfeedbacktoothers○ Doesnotimposeownworldviewonothersorexpectorrequireotherstoshareit○ Isabletosuspendownandopentootherperspectives
• Welcomesrelationaldifferences(experiences/perspectives/beliefs/judgments)asanopportunitytolearnandgrow• Resiststhetendencytoblameothersforuncomfortablefeelings○ Usesrelationaldifferencesordiscomfortproactivelytonoticeandexaminepersonalagendas,patterns,defaultresponsesandworldviewassumptions
○ Asksandexploreswithcuriosityandinterest:“Whatismypart?○ Invitesandencouragesotherstosharealternateperspectivesandexperiencesthatchallengepersonalagendasandworldviewassumptions
• Usesself-awarenesstobuildconnectionbybeingtransparent,approachableandauthentic
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Cultivateourcapacitytobeself-reflective• Payattentionto:○ whatattracts,intrigues,inspired,drawsattention,interest○ whatcreatesdiscomfort,fear,anger,intensity,judgmentandreactivity○ motivations,assumptionsandagendas
• Seerelationaldifferencesandchallengesasanopportunitytolearnandgrow• Becomeconsciousofourdefaultresponsesandhowtheythatimpactourrelationships• Askourselves:“Whatismypart?”• Inviteotherstochallengeusinawaywecanhear(itcanhelptomakesuggestionsofhowtheycandothis)• Useourself-awarenesstobuildconnectionbybecomingtransparent,approachableandauthentic
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CRITERION10SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Unawareof,ornotinterestedin,howownvaluesandassumptionsaffectrelationalinteractions.
Showssomerecognitionofownvaluesandassumptionsbutcontinuestoimposesthemothers.
Generallyabletoidentifyownvaluesandassumptions.Mixedsuccessinrefrainingfromimposingtheseonothers.
Awareof,andwillingtoown,valuesandassumptions.Consciouslyavoidsimposingthemonothers.Abletoacknowledgeandself-correctasneeded.
Deepawarenessofownvaluesandassumptions.Usesself-disclosureandtransparencytofurthermutualexplorationandrelationalconnection
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
Youneedtolistenbetter.Ijusttoldyouwhatworkedforme
Irealizethatnoteverythingthat’sworkedformewillworkforyoubutatleastyoushouldtryit.
Irealizethatnoteverythingthat’sworkedformewillworkforyou.
IrealizeI’vequietlybeenpushingmyownagendasoI’dliketoworktowardsnoticingwhenmyagendaseemstocomeup.
I’mfeelingalittleuncertainrightnow.Howwouldyoulikemetorespondwhenyoutellmeyou’redepressed?
OUTCOME Othersfeelunheard,shutdownandrolledover,leadingtofrequentdisconnection
Transparencyandauthenticityleadtotrust,mutualsharinganddeepeningconnection
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CRITERIA11 GIVESDIFFICULTMESSAGESWITHDUALAWARENESSOFOTHERWORLDVIEWSANDONE’SOWN
IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:ReflectiveFeedback(GivingFeedback)
DESCRIPTION • Preparesthefeedback:○ Acknowledgesandappreciatesothers’positivecontributions○ Looksatthesituationthroughthelensoftheotherperson’slifeexperience,inadditiontoone’sown○ Considerswhetherownworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias○ Considershowtoofferfeedbackinawaythatcanbeheard○ Framesfeedbackaroundobservationratherthanjudgment○ Movestowardwhatiswantedversusawayfromwhatisn’t○ Keepsthefocusonmovingtowardswhatiswantedfortherelationship(e.g.,closeness,connection,trust)ratherthanawayfromwhatisn’twanted(dishonesty,dirtydishes)
• Ensuresconnection• Askspermission• Inviteshonestresponsebyotherstofeedbackoffered• Validatesother’sresponseanddemonstrateswillingnesstolearnandbechangedbywhattheyhaveshared
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Beforeofferingfeedback:○ Totheextentpossible,lookatthesituationthroughthelensoftheotherperson’slifeexperience,inadditiontoourown
○ Askswhetherourworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias○ Considerhowtoofferfeedbackinawaythatcanbeheard• Framefeedbackaroundobservationratherthanjudgment• WhatdidIsee,hear,smell,taste?• Howdidthatimpactme&why?(ownthisasmyexperience)
○ Keepthefocusonmovingtowardswhatwewantfortherelationship(e.g.,closeness,connection,trust,mutuality)ratherthanawayfromwhatwedon’twant(dishonesty,inconsiderateness,amessykitchen)
• Acknowledgeandappreciatetheotherpersons’positivecontributions• Ensureconnection(Ifwedon’tfeelconnected,waitingisoftenagoodoption)• Askpermission• Offerthefeedbackyouhavetakenthetimetocarefullyconsider• Makeclearthatwe’reofferingthefeedbackbecausewewanttocreatearelationshiparoundthingswegenuinely
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value,notbecausewe’retryingtocreatedistanceormoveawayfromrelationship• Invite&makespaceforanhonestresponsefromtheotherperson• Validatetheirresponseandreallytrytohearit:○ Nowwearegettingfeedback!○ That’sgoodformutualityandwecanusetheskillsinthenextcompetencytoreallyhearthepersonout.
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CRITERION11SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE(GIVINGFEEDBACK)
Failstoownownexperienceorallowspaceforother’sexperienceingivingfeedbackordifficultmessages
Someeffortismadetoownownexperienceorallowforother’sexperience,butthefeedbackretainsaclearunilateraltone.
Isabletoownownexperienceandallowforother’sexperience.Thefeedbacktakesonanappreciablymutualtone.
Feedbackisfullyownedandother’sexperienceisactivelysought.Theconversationbecomesameanstodeepenawareness/appreciationofotherworldviews
Offersfeedbackinawaythatsharesownexperienceandopensroomformutualsharing,learningandgrowth.Dialogueisinvitedinaseamless,integratedmannerthatnaturallydeepensrelationalconnection.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.SarahoffersLisareflectivefeedback.
Nooneisdepressedallthetime.
Nooneisdepressedallthetime.I’mreallyfrustratedthatwe’retalkingaboutthisagain.
SometimesIgetstuckindepressionandit’sallIcantalkabout.Couldthatbegoingonforyou?
What’sitbeenlikeforyouthatourconversationshavebeensofocusedondepression?IknowthatsometimesIfinditdifficult,butI’dliketoknowwhatit’slikeforyou.
I’venoticedthatwhenwegettogetherwetendtotalkaboutfeelinglow.Forme,therewasatimeIfeltsooverwhelmedbymyfeelings,thattheywereallIfeltliketalkingabout.Ikindofgotstuckthere.Iwonderwhatit’sbeenlikeforyou?
OUTCOME Othersfeeljudgedanddisconnected;relationshipsuffersasaresultoffeedback
Feedbackenhancesrelationship,buildstrustanddepth,leadingtomutualwillingnesstoworkthroughdiscomfort
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CRITERIA12: RECEIVESDIFFICULTMESSAGESWITHDUALAWARENESSOFOTHERWORLDVIEWSANDONE’SOWN
IPSDIMENSION IntegrationSkill:ReflectiveFeedback(ReceivingFeedback)
DESCRIPTION • Demonstratesinterest,opennessandwillingnesstolistenandlearn• Remainsawareof-andowns-personalreactivityanddefenses• Listenstounderstandothers’needsandconcerns(versusdefendagainstthemorcriticize)• Considerswhetherownworldviewisareflectionofprivilegeorbias• Invitesandcreatesspaceforworldviewdifferences,mutualnegotiationandpower-sharing• Maintainsfocusonmovingtowardswhatiswantedratherthanawayfromwhatisn’twanted• Followsguidelinesforgivingfeedbackwhenresponding
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
• Beawareofourdefenses• Rememberthereisagrainoftruthinallcriticalfeedback• Beopentoothers’worldviews• Ask(self&/orothers):“Inthelightofthisfeedback,whatpossibilitiescanwe“movetowards”?
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CRITERION12SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE(RECEIVINGFEEDBACK)
Failstoallowspaceforothers’experienceorconsider‘ownpart’whenreceivingfeedbackordifficultmessages
Makessomeefforttoacknowledgeothers’experienceor‘ownpart’whenreceivingfeedbackordifficultmessages,butthefeedbackismostlyrejected.
Bothacknowledgesothers’experienceand‘ownpart’whenreceivingfeedbackordifficultmessages.Theconversationtakesonanappreciablymutualtone.
Other’sexperienceandownpartarefullyacknowledged.Adeeperunderstandingisactivelysought.Mutuallearningisapparent.
Receivesfeedbackinaseamless,integratedwaythatnaturallydeepensrelationalconnection.Validatesothers’experience,acknowledgesownpartandopensdoortomutualsharing,learningandgrowth.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.WhenSarahoffersLisafeedback,Lisaresponds.
Iamtoodepressed–you’rejustlikeeveryoneelse!OrYou’reright.Imustbefakingit.
Don’tgetfrustrated.Ican’thelpit.I’mjustsodepressed.
It’shardformetohearwhatyou’resaying,butmaybeit’strue…MaybeIneedtochange.
Ididn’tknowyoufeltthatway.I’dliketohearmore.Maybeitisapatternforme…
Huh.IguessIhadn’treallybeenpayingattention.Itwasjustsonicetohavesomeonelistenandbethereforme.IguessIkindofforgetthatthereweretwoofushere.What’sthatbeenlikeforyou…?
OUTCOME Othersfeeljudgedanddisconnected;relationshipsuffersasaresultoffeedback
Feedbackenhancesrelationship,buildstrustanddepth,leadingtomutualwillingnesstoworkthroughdiscomfort
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CRITERION13: PARTICIPATESREGULARLYANDMEANINGFULLYINCO-REFLECTION
IPSDIMENSION IntegrativePractice:Co-Reflection
DESCRIPTION • Attendsco-supervisionregularly• Showsuppreparedandontime• Readilyidentifiesareasforpersonallearningandgrowth• Expressescuriosityaboutothers’intentionsandaspirationsforco-learning• Maintainsconnection,mutualityandactivelycaresforrelationshipswithco-participants• Listensforworldview,untoldstoriesandfromapositionofnotknowingwithco-participantss• Exploresdifferencesinpowerandprivilegeandtheirrelationalimpactwithco-participants• Initiatesself-reflectionandreceivesandgivesreflectivefeedbackinwaysthatfurthermutuallearningandgrowth• Maintainsattitudesofhope,possibility,co-learning,co-creationandmovingtowardduringco-reflectionperiod
PRACTICETIPS(WETRYTO…)
Introductorynote:IPSislikeamartialartorotherendeavorthatrequiresdiscipline,trainingandpractice.Regularco-reflectionispartofthisregulardiscipline.ItopensourpracticetotheinsightsofothersandteachesustoapplytheprinciplesandtasksofIPStoeverydaycontexts.Fewofuswouldcallourselveskaratemastersaftertakinganentrylevelkarateclass.Werecognizethatdevelopinganadvancedskillrequiresongoingstudyandpractice.• Setatime• Setanintentionforwhatwe’lldo• Showup• Sharewhatwe’dliketofocusonormovetoward• Agreeonwherewe’llgofromthere• Applytheothertasksandprinciplestothebestofourabilityduringtheco-reflectionsession• Especiallyremembertocareforourrelationshipsaspeerandco-workers○ Keepthefocusonourownlearningandgrowth○ Don’tturnpeopleintotopicsofthediscussionortotalkaboutthemwithoutthem
• Ifwe’reofferingfeedback,offerwithrespectandshareourownvulnerability• Ifwe’rereceivingfeedback,listentoeachotherwithadesiretounderstandandawillingnesstolearn.
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CRITERION13SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE Noobservablecommitmenttoco-supervision.Rarelyattendsco-reflection&/orblamesothersorgetsdefensiveratherthanself-reflecting
Someobservablecommitmenttoco-reflection;occasionallyattends&/ordemonstratessomewillingnesstogrowinrelationships
Observablecommitmenttoco-reflection.Attendsregularlyanddemonstratesclearinterestinrelationalgrowth.
Activelyparticipatesandusesco-reflectiontodeepenunderstandingof–andconnectionwith-selfandothers
Participatesinco-reflectioninaseamlessandintegratedmannerthatinspiresmutualgrowth,connectionandunderstanding.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed.Sarahgoestoco-reflection
Lisaisadifficultpeer.She’salwayscomplainingandexpectingmetotakecareofher.Sheneedstoworkonthisinhertherapy.
Ifeelfrustratedbecauseofapeer’sco-dependency.She’sgotsomuchpotential.HowcanIgethertoseethat?
I’ddon’tunderstandsomeoneI’vebeenworkingwith.I’dliketoknowwhatshewantsfromme
IrealizeI’vebeentryingto‘help’someoneelse‘getbetter’andit’sbasedonmyagenda.IwonderwhatIshoulddo-Ishouldgoapologizetoher?
I’vebeenprettyuncomfortable.SomeoneIknowhashadsomereallylowfeelingsforseveralweeksnow.I’mscaredaboutwhatmighthappen.I’mnotsurehowtocareforourrelationship.Cananyonerelatetothis?What’syourexperience?
OUTCOME Notopenoravailabletonewlearningsononoccurs.
Fullyopenandavailabletolearnwithothers;inspiresco-learningandeveryonelearnstogether
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CRITERION14:
DEMONSTRATESIPSINALLRELATIONSHIPSANDCONTEXTS,LEADINGTOPERSONALANDSOCIALCHANGE.
IPSDIMENSION IntegrativePractice:Personal&SocialChange
DESCRIPTION • PracticestheIPStasksandprinciplesinalllifedimensionsandcontexts(e.g.,co-workers,family,friends,atthegrocerystore,withthereceptionistatthedoctor’soffice,outinthecommunity)-notjustinserviceorpaidrelationships
• What’sbeenlearnedcarriesoverandcreateschangesinnon-workareasoflife• Long-standingrelationalpatternsanddifficultieschangeasaresultoflearningandgrowthinIPS• Othersnoticechanges,remarkonthem,andbegintoengagerelationshipondeeperlevel• Othersactivelyexpressinterestinrelationalchangeandbegintotakeinitiativetolearnandgrowrelationally
PRACTICETIPS
• Ideally,ourIPSpracticeisliving,breathingandever-responsivetorelationshipinthepresentmoment.• Wecantellwhenwe’rereally“getting”IPSbecausewefindourselvesusingiteverywhere–notjustinatworkorinco-supervision.
• ThereisnosetorrightwaytopracticeIPSinanygivensituation.Rather,ourappreciationofthepossibilitiesforpracticingIPSgrowsanddeepensasourunderstandingdevelops.
• OurIPSpracticespeaksforitself–wedon’tneedtopreachittoothers.Ifwe’rereally‘doingIPS’,ourrelationshipswillshowtheresults.
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CRITERION14SCORE
1 2 3 4 5
RATINGSCALE NoapparentawarenessoruseofIPS
UsesIPSasa“toolorstrategy”for“managing”guests/servicerecipients
DrawsonIPSpracticesandprinciplestobuildauthenticrelationshipswithservicerecipients
DrawsonIPSexperiencestobuildauthenticrelationshipsinmultipleareasoflife
WayoflivingoutIPSpracticesandprinciplesineverydaylifeinspiresotherstoreflectontheirwaysofrelatingandmakechangesthatenrichconnectionandmutualityforallconcerned.
EXAMPLE:SarahhasbeentalkingtoLisaforthelastcoupleofweeksandeachtimetheygettogether,LisatellsSarahshe’sdepressed
Sarah“helps”Lisawithher“problems”andthencomplainsaboutLisatoco-workersandothersinherlife
Sarah“usesIPSonLisa,”observes“betterresults”andthenreportstoco-workersthatIPSisagreattoolforbehaviormanagement.
SarahandLisadevelopconnectionaroundsharedexperienceofbigfeelingsandwheretheywouldliketheirrelationshiptogofromhere
SarahandLisabothreflectontheirpatternsofrelationship,whichleadstopositivechangesinthewaySarahrelatestoherfamilyandhowLisarespondstocriticismfromherbossatwork.
OthersinSarah’sanLisa’slivesnoticethechangesinthem,andbegintoreflectontheirownwaysofrelating.
OUTCOME Traditionalhelpingdynamicsandoutcomesareperpetuatedatgreatcosttoallconcerned.
GrowthinIPScreatesrippleeffectthroughmultiplerelationshipandlifecircles,layingthegroundworkforsocialandculturalchange,authenticconnectionandtruecommunity