S N E A K   P E E K    

Comparison  is  the  thief  of  joy.  —Theodore Roosevelt

Everything  has  its  wonders,  even  darkness  and  silence,  and  I  learn,  whatever  state  I  may  be  in,  therein  to  be  content.    —Helen Keller

We  struggle  with  insecurity  because  we  compare  our  behind-­‐the-­‐scenes  with  everyone  else’s  highlight  reel.  

—Steven Furtick

Many  people  lose  the  small  joys  in  hope  for  the  big  happiness.  

—Pearl S. Buck

Contentment  is  the  only  real  wealth.  — Alfred Nobel

In  contentment  and  joy  are  found  the  height  and  perfecGon  of  all  love  towards  our  neighbor.  — William Ames

We  tend  to  forget  that  happiness  doesn’t  come  as  a  result  of  geHng  something  we  don’t  have,  but  rather  of  recognizing  and  appreciaGng  what  we  do  have.  —Frederick Keonig

Discontent  came  along  for  the  ride.  With  my  eyes  now  open,  I  could  see  it  in  so  many  more  areas  of  life  than  just  parenting.  It  didn’t  seem  to  matter  the  walk  of  life  –  young,  old,  single,  married,  with  kids,  without  –  discontent  has  no  partiality.  And,  social  media,  with  all  its  highlight  reels,  certainly  doesn’t  help.  It  seems  that  all  the  society  imposed  self-­‐introspection  is  a  waste  of  mental  capacity  (especially  for  those  of  us  limited-­‐capacity  types.)  And  why  keep  doing  something  that  has  so  little  to  offer  on  the  other  side?  I’m  Happy  For  You  is  an  attempt  to  call  a  spade  a  spade  and  to  offer  tips  on  how  to  stop.  Together,  let’s  travel  the  road  toward  Einding  more  joy  and  satisfaction  in  the  mix.    

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Note from Kay

I  hope  you  enjoy  the  following  preview  of  I’m  Happy  For  You  (Sort  of  …  not  really):  Finding  Contentment  in  a  Culture  of  Comparison.  It  has  been  quite  the  journey  trying  to  get  my  arms  around  a  topic  that  we  all  want  addressed,  but  don’t  really  want  to  see  in  our  own  lives.  

Comparison  pressures  pummeled  me  the  day  a  positive  sign  appeared  on  a  pregnancy  test.  Words  like  supposed-­‐to,  should  and  this-­‐is-­‐what-­‐everyone’s-­‐doing  and  so  many  others  began  to  lure  my  eyes  to  focus  on  all  I  needed  to  be,  have  and  do  in  order  to  be  okay.  I  was  introduced  to  standards  that  changed  the  instant  I  came  close  to  meeting  them.  And  the  worst  part?  I  cared.  I  cared  more  than  I  ever  had  cared  about  anything  before.  

Is  comparison-­‐living    hijacking  your  life?    

COMPARISON  IN  THE  NEWS  –  Is  it  an  issue?  n    4  

I’M  HAPPY  FOR  YOU  TABLE  OF  CONTENTS  n    6  

n    7   SNEAK  PEEK  

I N S I D E  

n    11   BUY  THE  BOOK  …  &  WHAT’S  IN  IT  FOR  YOU?  (fun  stuff  J)  

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The  Quest  for  a  Bigger,    Be@er,  Cuter  Pregnancy  In  an  age  of  gender  reveal  cakes    and  ultrasound  parDes,  it's    not  enough  to  just  be    pregnant  anymore  

The  commercializaGon  of  pregnancy  is  at  it  again:  A  whole  culture  and  industry  has  emerged  to  celebrate  the  big  gender  reveal…Mommies-­‐to-­‐be  want  more:  a  clever,  cutesy  themed  party,  a  decked  out  nursery,  or  one  of  a  dozen  other  ideas  pinned  onto  their  inspiraGon  boards.  While  these  things  can  be  fun  and  exciGng  for  new  parents,  they're  also  more  ways  we  all  feel  pressured  to  yet  again  keep  up  with  everyone  else.          

COMPARISON   IN  THE  NEWS  

The  researchers  surveyed  736  college  students  and  found  that,  basically,  if  you  quietly  stalk  your  friends  on  Facebook  and  then  realize  that  your  life  doesn’t  measure  up  to  theirs,  you  feel  bad  about  yourself.  “If  Facebook  is  used  to  see  how  well  an  acquaintance  is  doing  financially  or  how  happy  an  old  friend  is  in  his  relaGonship  —  things  that  cause  envy  among  users  —  use  of  the  site  can  lead  to  feelings  of  depression,”  said  Margaret  Duffy,  a  professor  at  the  University  of  Missouri  School  of  Journalism.  This  isn’t  just  a  college  phenomenon.  I  am  nearing  middle  age  and  I  can  relate.  ...  

Posted  9:00  AM,  March  2,  2015,  by  CNN  Wire,  Updated  at  11:45am,  March  2,  2015    

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Quarter-life crisis: Find me a twentysomething who isn't having one No  one  prepares  us  for  post-­‐university  revelaGons  such  as  "dream  jobs"  don't  exist  (but  unemployment  does)  and  finding  "the  one"  is  virtually  impossible,  says  23  year-­‐old  Julia  Oliphant.  …  A  recent  UK  study  reveals  in  fact  that  86%  of  some  1,100  twentysomethings  suffer  from  serious  anxiety  and  stress:  a  fear  that  they're  not  doing  enough  with  their  life,  a  fear  of  missing  out.      The  Telegraph  3/15  

ChrisDanity  Today,  3/13  

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TOGETHER  WE  CAN  F IND  CONTENTMENT  

New  Selfie-­‐Help  Apps  Are  Airbrushing  Us  All  Into  Fake  Instagram  PerfecGon  Bianca  Boster,  Huffington  Post  12/15  

 …We’ve always cherry-picked what we share online, but more than ever, what you see isn’t what you get. Even as people use Snapchat to share silly photos that, crucially, disappear after a few seconds, those same social media users are delighting in new ways to edit their lives and present an ever-more perfected, artificial image of their world. We’re hungry for ways to exert more control over our images, not less. And who’s to blame us? The rise of selfie-help represents a new way for people to cope with the relentless judgment of the web and the pressure to disclose more online.

School  lunches:  Then  vs.  now  (have  we  gone  crazy?!)  

Compared  to  when  we  were  kids,  school  lunches  just  aren’t  what  they  used  to  be.  Sep  30,  2014  Emma  Waverman    School lunches have become the new battleground for all the “sanctimommies” out there. They’re on a mission to prove they pack the healthiest, most organic, most whole-grain,

sugar-free lunch for their little superstars. But, it wasn’t always this way—and it’s sometimes easy to forget we come from a generation brought up on lunches consisting of two pieces of Wonder Bread, cheese slices and Tang. And we turned out just fine.

Body  image  concerns  more  men  than    women,  research  finds  

More men worry about their body shape and appearance – beer bellies, "man boobs" or going bald – than women do about how they look, according to research. More than four in five men (80.7%) talk in ways that promote anxiety about their body image by referring to perceived flaws and imperfections, compared with 75% of women. Similarly, 38% of men would sacrifice at least a year of their life in exchange for a perfect body – again, a higher proportion than women. …

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 Chapter  1  Obsessive  Comparison  Disorder    

   A  Sign  of  the  Times  

Chapter  2  The  Ice  Breaker        “Three”  Li\le  Words  That  Shi]  Our  Focus  

Chapter  3  Beyond  the  Glimpse        How  Taking  the  Long  View  Changes  Everything  

Chapter  4  Do  You  See  What  I  See?        Keeping  Up  Appearances  in  an  On-­‐Display  World    

Chapter  5  Mirror,  Mirror        The  Beauty  We’re  Completely  Overlooking  

Chapter  6  The  Dangers  of  YardsGck  Living        Why  We’ll  Never  Measure  Up…and  Really  Don’t  Need  To  

Chapter  7  We  Belong…Together        The  Need  to  Be  Known  

Chapter  8  Fair  Play        Coming  to  Terms  with  the  InequaliDes  of  Life  

Chapter  9  The  Side-­‐to-­‐Side        Our  Obsession  with  Others  

Chapter  10  Best  PracGces        Beware  of  the  SuperlaDve  

Chapter  11  Great  ExpectaGons        NavigaDng  Life’s  Detours  

Chapter  12  Dare  We  Not  Compare?        Staking  Our  Claim  in  the  Land  of  Contentment  

   TABLE  OF  CONTENTS  

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Kay  Wyma  hit  a  home  run  on  the  Focus  on  the  Family  radio  program  when  she  talked  about  ways  moms  can  combat  the  enGtlement  mentality  in  their  kids.  In  her  new  book,  she  scores  another  hit  with  an  insighrul  discussion  of  the  piralls  of  comparing  your  life  to  others,  especially  through  social  media.  Her  advice  is  Gmely  and  relevant.      

—JIM  DALY,  president  of  Focus  on  the  Family    

It'll  make  you  laugh  out  loud  and  nod  your  head  and  breathe  a  deep  sigh  of  relief  that  you're  not  the  only  one  walking  through  life  wondering  if  the  grass  is  really  greener  and  being  okay  even  if  that's  the  case.  

—MELANIE  SHANKLE,  New  York  Times  Bestselling  author  of  Sparkly  Green  Earrings  

 

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SNEAK  PEEK  

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Kay  creaGvely  uses  stories  and  personal  confession  to  reveal  the  piralls  of  comparing,  while  offering  a  solid  ladder—built  on  godly  wisdom—to  help  us  climb  out  of  that  pit.  I  wish  I  could  pass  this  book  on  to  every  woman  who  has  worn  herself  out  trying  to  achieve  unrealisGc  standards.  There’s  freedom  on  these  pages.  

—JENNIFER  DUKES  LEE,  author  of  Love  Idol  

 VicGms  of  comparison  drive-­‐bys  liter  the  Internet.  There  are  virtual  warehouses  of  new  ways  to  covet  your  neighbor's  home,  decoraGng  skills,  summer  vacaGon  plans  or  Pinterest-­‐perfect  kids’  birthday  parGes.  In  this  paralyzing  culture  of  obsessive  comparisons,  this  book  is  the  detox  we  all  need.  

 —LISA-­‐JO  BAKER,  community  manager  for  (in)courage  and  author  of  Surprised  by  Motherhood:  Everything  I  Never  Expected  About  Being  a  Mom    

 

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The  bigger,  beter,  newer,  more  never  stops...  Much  deeper  than  the  brand,  esteem  or  ‘what  do  others  think,’  Kay  asks—and  answers—why  these  longings  need  to  be  realigned  -­‐  (f)rom  one  costruggler  to  another.  

—Dr.  MICHAEL  EASLEY,  former  president  Moody  Bible  InsGtute,  teaching  pastor,  and  host  of  Michael  Easley  inContext  

 

Kay  Wills  Wyma  captured  my  atenGon  with  her  belly-­‐laughing  good  storytelling  steeped  in  reality  as  she  tackled  a  quesGon  that’s  long  overdue  for  an  honest  answer.  

—ELISA  PULLIAM,  author  and  Life  Coach  

 

I'm  Happy  For  You  gently  exposes  the  growing  obsession  with  self  promoGon  and  one  upsmanship  that  is  wearing  us  all  out  ...  this  book  is  a  must  read."  

—TRACEY  EYSTER,  Founder  of  FamilyLife's  MomLifeToday.com,  author  of  Be  the  Mom  and  BeauDful  Mess  

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Kay  navigates  us  through  the  pressures  we  all  face,  and  teaches  us  how  to  be  genuinely  happy  for  others  and  deliberate  about  our  current  situaGon  and  future  plans  at  every  stage  of  life.”  

—KATHY  IRELAND,  Chair/CEO/Chief  Designer  kiWW  

 Comparison’s  thievery  of  joy  is  arrested  by  the  just-­‐let-­‐it-­‐go  pracGcality  Kay  offers  so  transparently  and  humorously.  It  might  just  right  your  path  toward  contentment  and  graGtude,  a  road  less  traveled.  

—ROBIN  POU,  execuGve  coach  &  atorney  mediator;  coauthor  of  Performance  Intelligence  at  Work  

 

Kay  Wills  Wyma  accurately  defines  not  only  the  comparison  problem,  but  offers  a  soluGon.  

 —JOSHUA  BECKER,  best-­‐selling  author  of  Simplify  and  founder  of  Becoming  Minimalist  

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FEATURES  

I’m  Happy  For  You  encourages  walking  this  road  together  (it’s  not  one  to  walk  in  isolaGon)    with  call-­‐outs  by  regular  folks  like  us,  expert  voices  and  pracGcal  Gps  throughout  the  book.  

 

•  You’re  Not  Alone  sidebars  contributed  by  my  dear  friends  who’ve  been  nice  enough  to  share  their  own  struggles.    

 

•  Enough  Already  encouragement  from  folks  already  on  the  road  to  contentment.  

 

•  LeHng  Go  Gps  at  the  end  of  each  chapter  that  provide  pracGcal  steps  to  stop  the  comparison  madness.  

END  OF  SNEAK  PEEK.  FOR  MORE  GO  HERE  è  

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NEXT  STEPS  � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � �    

n    1   DARE  WE  SAY/ASK....  BUY  THE  BOOK  J    And  should  you  like  it,  and  feel  moved  to  write  a  review  on  Amazon,  Barnes  &  Noble,  or  Goodreads  I  sure  won’t  stop  you.    

n    2   SPREAD  THE  WORD    TELL  YOUR  FRIENDS  J    Copy  the  link  found  in  the  address  bar  of  this  PREVIEW  and  send  to  your  peeps  via  Email,  Text,  Facebook,  Twiter,  Pinterest,  Instagram,  Smoke  Signal  J    

TELL  US    Email:  happy4youpreview@gmail.com  Let  us  know  how  you  shared,  linked  or  if  we  can  help.  

We  want  to  THANK  YOU.  For  each  plarorm  you  use  (email,  Facebook,  Twiter,  Instagram,  etc),  you’ll  be  entered  into  a  drawing  that  will  take  place  weekly  unGl  the  end  of  May.  

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n    2   For  more  info:  Connect  with  Kay  at  Website:  htp://www.themoatblog.com/  Twiter:    htps://twiter.com/themoatblog  Facebook:  htps://www.facebook.com/MOATblog