8/6/2019 IB&GD

1/29

INTERPERSONALINTERPERSONAL

BEHAVIOURBEHAVIOUR

8/6/2019 IB&GD

2/29

DefinitionDefinition

In the contexts of sociology and ofIn the contexts of sociology and of

popular culture, the concept ofpopular culture, the concept of

interpersonal relationships involvesinterpersonal relationships involves

social associations, connections, orsocial associations, connections, oraffiliations between two or more people.affiliations between two or more people.

Such persons may interact overtly,Such persons may interact overtly,

covertly, face-to-face; or may remaincovertly, face-to-face; or may remaineffectively unknown to each othereffectively unknown to each other..

8/6/2019 IB&GD

3/29

Stages of Interpersonal relationshipStages of Interpersonal relationship1) Contact:1) Contact:

a) Perceptual: noticing how parties look at each other and theira) Perceptual: noticing how parties look at each other and theirbody-language.body-language.

b) Interactional cues: nodding, maintaining eye-contact, etc.b) Interactional cues: nodding, maintaining eye-contact, etc.

c) Invitational: encouraging the potential relationshipc) Invitational: encouraging the potential relationship

d) Avoidance strategies: if one person discloses and the other doesd) Avoidance strategies: if one person discloses and the other doesnot: minimal response, lack of eye-contact, etc.not: minimal response, lack of eye-contact, etc.

2) Involvement:2) Involvement:

a) Feelers: hints or questions (for example: asking about family)a) Feelers: hints or questions (for example: asking about family)

b) Intensifying strategies: furthering the relationship (for exampleb) Intensifying strategies: furthering the relationship (for examplemeeting an old friend, bringing the other to meet family, becomingmeeting an old friend, bringing the other to meet family, becomingmore affectionate, etc.)more affectionate, etc.)

c) Public: parties seen in public together oftenc) Public: parties seen in public together often

3) Intimacy:3) Intimacy: Parties very close; may have exchanged some sort ofParties very close; may have exchanged some sort ofpersonal belonging or something that represents furtherpersonal belonging or something that represents furthercommitment.commitment.

4) Deterioration:4) Deterioration: Things start to fall apart. The way deterioration isThings start to fall apart. The way deterioration is

addressed determines the fate of the relationship.addressed determines the fate of the relationship.

8/6/2019 IB&GD

4/29

Interpersonal SkillsInterpersonal Skills

A set of behaviours which allow you toA set of behaviours which allow you to

communicate effectively andcommunicate effectively and

unambiguously in a face-to- face settingunambiguously in a face-to- face setting

They can also be thought of as behavioursThey can also be thought of as behaviours

which assist progress towards achievingwhich assist progress towards achieving

an objectivean objective

8/6/2019 IB&GD

5/29

Benefits of improving interpersonalBenefits of improving interpersonal

SkillsSkills

Quickly assessing and understanding face-to-faceQuickly assessing and understanding face-to-facesituationssituations

Setting specific and realistic objectives for face-to-faceSetting specific and realistic objectives for face-to-face

encounters with people - you will benefit from being clearencounters with people - you will benefit from being clearin what you are aiming atin what you are aiming at

Choosing and using behaviours that complement theChoosing and using behaviours that complement thecircumstances and are appropriate to the objective - thuscircumstances and are appropriate to the objective - thusbenefiting by having an easier, and pleasant, means tobenefiting by having an easier, and pleasant, means to

achieving your objectiveachieving your objective Being aware of other peoples behaviour and influencingBeing aware of other peoples behaviour and influencing

it - influencing others by your own behaviourit - influencing others by your own behaviour

8/6/2019 IB&GD

6/29

Transactional AnalysisTransactional Analysis

8/6/2019 IB&GD

7/29

What is Transactional Analysis?What is Transactional Analysis?

TA is a theory about how and whyTA is a theory about how and why

people behave the way they dopeople behave the way they do

Transactional analysis is a socialTransactional analysis is a social

psychology developed by Eric Berne,psychology developed by Eric Berne,

MD (1970). Transactional Analysis is aMD (1970). Transactional Analysis is a

powerful tool in the hands ofpowerful tool in the hands of

organizational development specialists.organizational development specialists.

8/6/2019 IB&GD

8/29

TA can help youTA can help you

Respond to a person and situation moreRespond to a person and situation moreappropriatelyappropriately

Build rapportBuild rapportUnderstand someone elses needsUnderstand someone elses needsDeal more effectively with difficult peopleDeal more effectively with difficult peopleBe assertiveBe assertiveUnderstand how you behave and whyUnderstand how you behave and why

8/6/2019 IB&GD

9/29

Ego StatesEgo States

An EGO state is a consistent pattern of feeling and An EGO state is a consistent pattern of feeling and

experience, related to a corresponding pattern of behaviorexperience, related to a corresponding pattern of behavior

E.Berne states that each person has 3 Ego StatesE.Berne states that each person has 3 Ego States

The ParentThe Parent The AdultThe Adult

The ChildThe Child

A transaction is the basic unit of study of TA. Thetransaction (or interaction) when two people meet is the

meeting place of six ego states (P-A-C plus P-A-C).

8/6/2019 IB&GD

10/29

The Parent StateThe Parent State

The Parent State is a collection ofThe Parent State is a collection of

attitudes, thoughts and behaviorsattitudes, thoughts and behaviors

which we have accumulatedwhich we have accumulated

8/6/2019 IB&GD

11/29

The ParentThe Parent

The Critical ParentThe Critical Parent

Gives us directions andGives us directions and

controls and limits ourcontrols and limits our

behaviorbehaviorshould, ought, must,should, ought, must,

nevernever

Nurturing ParentNurturing Parent

Protects andProtects and

encourages, providesencourages, provides

care and lovecare and lovethere, there sweetie;there, there sweetie;

Try again. Its all rightTry again. Its all right

8/6/2019 IB&GD

12/29

Recognizing the Parent StateRecognizing the Parent State

A person in a NP stated is likelyA person in a NP stated is likely

Use words such as well-done, good, gentle,Use words such as well-done, good, gentle,

caring, don't worrycaring, don't worry

Use a loving, caring, comforting or concernedUse a loving, caring, comforting or concernedtone of voicetone of voice

Use open, encouraging gestures, smiling,Use open, encouraging gestures, smiling,

leaning forward, nodding of headleaning forward, nodding of head Have a caring, understanding attitudeHave a caring, understanding attitude

8/6/2019 IB&GD

13/29

Recognizing the Parent StateRecognizing the Parent State

A person in CP state may:A person in CP state may:

Use words , such as bad, should, ought, must, always,Use words , such as bad, should, ought, must, always,

ridiculous, unacceptableridiculous, unacceptable

Use a patronizing, critical or disapproving tone ofUse a patronizing, critical or disapproving tone ofvoicevoice

Use aggressive gesturesUse aggressive gestures

Come across as judgmental, authoritarianCome across as judgmental, authoritarian

Be intimidating or controllingBe intimidating or controlling

8/6/2019 IB&GD

14/29

The Adult StateThe Adult State

The Adult State are behaviors orientedThe Adult State are behaviors oriented

to current reality and objectiveto current reality and objective

gathering information. The Adult isgathering information. The Adult is

logical & rationallogical & rational

8/6/2019 IB&GD

15/29

Recognizing the Adult StateRecognizing the Adult State

A person in Adult ego State is likely toA person in Adult ego State is likely to Speak in an even voiceSpeak in an even voice Have an erect posture and use open gesturesHave an erect posture and use open gestures

Be alert and thoughtful about a problem they areBe alert and thoughtful about a problem they arefacingfacing Clarify the situation by careful questioningClarify the situation by careful questioning Hypothesize and process informationHypothesize and process information

Use words likeUse words like correct, how, what, why,correct, how, what, why,practical, qualitypractical, quality

8/6/2019 IB&GD

16/29

The Child State

Natural child

Impulsive andImpulsive and

carefree,carefree,

communicatingcommunicating

throughthrough feelingfeeling

behaviorsbehaviors

Adaptive child

Submissive andSubmissive and

conforming behaviors,conforming behaviors,

Looking for approval andLooking for approval andreassurancereassurance

Child ego state constitutes the emotional,creative, spontaneous & impulsive

component of personality. There are three

forms of child ego state natural, creative &adaptive

8/6/2019 IB&GD

17/29

Recognizing the Child StateRecognizing the Child State

A person in a natural child stateA person in a natural child state

Use words as wow, great, ouch, wantUse words as wow, great, ouch, want

Talk loudly, energetically, free of constraintTalk loudly, energetically, free of constraint

Use spontaneous gestures and expressionsUse spontaneous gestures and expressions

Be curious, fun-loving, changeableBe curious, fun-loving, changeable

8/6/2019 IB&GD

18/29

Recognizing the Child StateRecognizing the Child State

A person in adaptive child state mayA person in adaptive child state may

Use words such as cant, try, hope,Use words such as cant, try, hope,

please, perhaps, wishplease, perhaps, wish

Sound sulky whinny, placatingSound sulky whinny, placating

Come across as innocent, helpless, sad,Come across as innocent, helpless, sad,

scaredscaredAct in a defiant, ashamed or compliantAct in a defiant, ashamed or compliant

wayway

8/6/2019 IB&GD

19/29

People generally exhibit all three Ego

states.All three Ego states are necessary to

healthy personality

8/6/2019 IB&GD

20/29

Transactions between Ego StatesTransactions between Ego States

When we are communicating with anotherWhen we are communicating with another

person (verbally or nonverbally) we areperson (verbally or nonverbally) we are

carrying out acarrying out a transactiontransaction with them.with them.

We are both sending messages andWe are both sending messages and

receiving themreceiving them

8/6/2019 IB&GD

21/29

Types of TransactionTypes of Transaction

Complementary transactionsComplementary transactions

Crossed transactionsCrossed transactions

Ulterior transactionsUlterior transactions

8/6/2019 IB&GD

22/29

Complementary transactionsComplementary transactions

Transactions are complementary if the message sentTransactions are complementary if the message sentreceives the expected response from the otherreceives the expected response from the otherpersons ego state. The simplest kind of transactionpersons ego state. The simplest kind of transactionis the complementary transaction, where the arrowsis the complementary transaction, where the arrows

showing the communication of ego states with oneshowing the communication of ego states with oneanother are parallel. Here the communicationanother are parallel. Here the communicationcontinues along the parallel lines betweencontinues along the parallel lines betweenindividuals.individuals.

ExamplesExamples

Parent-parentParent-parent Parent-childParent-child Adult-adultAdult-adult Child-childChild-child Child-parentChild-parent

8/6/2019 IB&GD

23/29

Crossed transactionsCrossed transactions

A crossed transaction occurs when theA crossed transaction occurs when themessage sent by one persons ego statemessage sent by one persons ego statereacted to by an incompatible unexpectedreacted to by an incompatible unexpectedego state on the part of the other person. Inego state on the part of the other person. Inthis type of communication, the vectorsthis type of communication, the vectorscross and communication ceases at thatcross and communication ceases at thatpoint of time. Crossed transactions inhibitpoint of time. Crossed transactions inhibitcreativity, free thinking and socialcreativity, free thinking and social

interaction.interaction.

8/6/2019 IB&GD

24/29

Ulterior transactionsUlterior transactions

Ulterior transactions always involve at leastUlterior transactions always involve at least

two ego states on the part of one person. Antwo ego states on the part of one person. An

ulterior transaction. is what Berne also callsulterior transaction. is what Berne also calls

a two-level or angular transaction. In such aa two-level or angular transaction. In such atransaction, the speaker speaks as if to onetransaction, the speaker speaks as if to one

ego state, but is in fact covertly addressingego state, but is in fact covertly addressing

another.another.

Ulterior transactions have a hidden agendaUlterior transactions have a hidden agenda

8/6/2019 IB&GD

25/29

8/6/2019 IB&GD

26/29

JOHARI WINDOWJOHARI WINDOW

A Johari window is a cognitive psychological toolA Johari window is a cognitive psychological toolcreated by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 increated by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 inthe United States, used to help people betterthe United States, used to help people betterunderstand their interpersonal communication andunderstand their interpersonal communication andrelationships.relationships.

Luft and Ingham observed that there are aspects ofLuft and Ingham observed that there are aspects ofour personality that we're open about, and otherour personality that we're open about, and otherelements that we keep to ourselves. At the sameelements that we keep to ourselves. At the same

time, there are things that others see in us that we'retime, there are things that others see in us that we'renot aware of. As a result, we can draw up a four-boxnot aware of. As a result, we can draw up a four-boxgrid, which includes a fourth group of traits that aregrid, which includes a fourth group of traits that areunknown to anyoneunknown to anyone::

8/6/2019 IB&GD

27/29

8/6/2019 IB&GD

28/29

8/6/2019 IB&GD

29/29

The public area (Room 1) contains things that areThe public area (Room 1) contains things that areopenly known and talked about - and which may beopenly known and talked about - and which may beseen as strengths or weaknesses. This is the self thatseen as strengths or weaknesses. This is the self thatwe choose to share with otherswe choose to share with others

The hidden area (Room 2) contains things that othersThe hidden area (Room 2) contains things that othersobserve that we don't know about. Again, they couldobserve that we don't know about. Again, they couldbe positive or negative behaviours, and will affect thebe positive or negative behaviours, and will affect theway that others act towards us.way that others act towards us.

The unknown area (Room 3) contains things thatThe unknown area (Room 3) contains things that

nobody knows about us - including ourselves. Thisnobody knows about us - including ourselves. Thismay be because we've never exposed those areas ofmay be because we've never exposed those areas ofour personality, or because they're buried deep in theour personality, or because they're buried deep in thesubconscious.subconscious.

The private area (Room 4)contains aspects of our selfThe private area (Room 4)contains aspects of our self

that we know about and keep hidden from others.that we know about and keep hidden from others.