HUMAN GROWTH & DEVELOPMENT

SOCIALIZATION OF CHILDREN

Socially Acceptable Behaviour

So what exactly IS Socially Acceptable Behaviour??

In Canadian society there are many ‘unwritten’ rules in society: no picking your nose in public, no spitting, be polite (especially to elders), take turns, don’t bud in line, watch your language, keep your voice down etc. etc.

The above are all Socially Acceptable Behaviours that children are expected to learn.

Problems arise when children discover that certain behaviours are acceptable in one situation but not in another (eg: loud voices not allowed indoors but are allowed outdoors)

Encouraging Socially Acceptable Behaviour

Children are born without knowing how to behave. This needs to be learned from more knowledgeable others how to behave. As children, appropriate behaviour is learned from Parents and/or caregivers.

Encouragement – favourable comments that affirm behaviour. This gives the child courage to act in the preferred way in social situations.

Reinforcement (both positive and negative) – occurs when the child’s preferred behaviour is acknowledged and encouraged repeatedly until it becomes second nature.

What if a child does not behave appropriately?

How a parent, sibling, or adult responds to a child’s unacceptable behaviour can turn the situation into a positive learning situation. Ridiculing, spanking, threatening, and shouting are negative or reactive responses that shame a child and damage his or her self-esteem.

Gentle reminders, redirecting the child to more appropriate behaviour, and taking time to show the child exactly how to behave are proactive responses that encourage positive learning experiences.

Name a few behaviours that would require punishment from a child…

Is it ever necessary to spank a child?

Discipline – A Three-Stage Plan

Stage 1: Encouraging the Right Responsea. As adults we know what the correct response is. We want the child to tell

himself/herself what to do. For example; Before bedtime children are taught to brush their teeth. Instead of saying “Go brush your teeth and get ready for bed” we can say “It’s bedtime” and let the child decide what needs to be done. Children blossom when they are allowed to tell themselves what needs to be done.

b. Some clarification may be needed when the information in the situation is not obvious to the child. For example: “Your wet towel is on the carpet. This can make the floor wet” allows the child to think about what needs to be done. Saying “Can’t you ever remember to hang up your towel” does not.

c. Children need reminders. But, reminders need to be kind. Children do forget, and it takes years to develop the habits we take for granted. One word is often enough. “Bedtime.” “Towel.”

Discipline – A Three-Stage Plan

Stage 2: The parents must give an order, but first, they must know what they will do if the child does not respond.

a. Sometimes children are beyond encouragement and don’t take the opportunity to tell themselves what needs to be done. In stage 2 parents must first think about the consequences for non-compliance and then give the order.

1. Explain exactly what we want the child to do. “I want you to… or I need you to”2. The second step here is to back off and give the child a chance to comply. If we stand over

the child, we are inviting a contest of wills.3. The third step here is to recognize compliance. “Thank you for doing that.” We can thank

a child for being responsible, for being respectful, for cooperating.

Discipline – A Three-Stage Plan

Stage 3: When children Choose to defy their parentsIf a child chooses to defy then the parents must take over. ALL children will try this at

least some of the time (and some of the time is absolutely normal and necessary as part of normal human growth). Some children however may spend their entire childhood testing the boundaries. When this occurs (some of the time or all of the time) parents should:

1. Give the child who fails to respond to a Stage 1 or Stage 2 request two choices: compliance or consequences.

a) First parents specify exactly what will happen for non-complianceb) Then the child is given a last opportunity to act.c) If the child finally decides to comply, the child is told, “You made a good choice.”

Discipline – A Three-Stage Plan

Stage 3: When children Choose to defy their parents

2. If the child fails to do what is expected, enforce the consequences.

Don’t allow a child to manipulate the situation at this point. The consequences have been set and MUST be carried our. If the child argues or begs and pleads, don’t listen. This is not the time to feel sorry for your child.

3. Children must experience the consequences of their actions and choices.Consequences should be reasonable and related to the incident. If a child doesn’t like the consequences, the parent has found the right one.

Strategies for Teaching Socially Acceptable Behaviour

Modelling: Parents, caregivers, and other adults set an example of expected behaviour when following accepted social practices. This gives the child an opportunity to imitate the appropriate behaviour.

Stating Expectations: The child is told exactly what is expected in social situations such as visiting the library, being a guest in someone’s home, and going to a wedding. If a child has never experienced the social situation before, they need clear instructions to know how to behave. They must feel secure enough in new situations to observe and imitate adult behaviour and attitudes.

Giving Positive Feedback – When a child is polite, helpful, respectful of others, or follows the customary rules of good social behaviour….. A smile, a word of praise, a small reward or privilege, and especially a thank-you reinforces the appropriate behaviour.

Reading to Children – further developing appropriate social skills

Reading to Children – is quite possibly one of the best ways family members can contribute to a child’s social development. Books are an effective resource that parents can use to teach children about the world and how people behave in it. Books can help to introduce many routines, manners, and new situations (eg. A trip to the dentist).

Feeling special – while it takes time to read to children, reading allows parents to show children just how special they are.

Ritual – by reading the same book over and over (which may seem boring to an adult), the repetition allows children to anticipate when a particular word will occur and to recognize what it looks like (the first step to reading – “sight words”)

Competency – Reading to children means far more than seeing pictures and hearing words. It allows them to learn language and make connections between language and behaviour. It teaches them morals and values. In terms of research: children who are read to become more competent learners and social beings.

Play and Socialization

Children also practise their social skills through play. Pretend or imaginary play allows them the opportunity to imitate a role played out in society. Playing house, school, restaurant, king of the mountain, or follow the leader all bring in the rules of society through the eyes of a child.

Safe Practise - Play gives children a safe place in which to practise acceptable behaviour, as well as to try out unacceptable behaviour and imagine the consequences.

Placement Assignment:

1. Review a number of children’s books. Identify the morals and values that are being taught through the stories. Identify the specific socially acceptable behaviours in the story.

2. With a partner. Find or create a game that can be played with students. How do they demonstrate or reinforce socially acceptable behaviour? How should you handle unacceptable behaviour?

Agents of Socialization

Individuals and groups that teach children the norms or acceptable ways of society are called agents of socialization.

Agents of Socialization throughout one’s life: family, caregivers, peers, school, religion, culture, community and mass media. (text pg. 336)

Problems with the Agents of Socialization: the problem is that the agents often have conflicting views about what is acceptable behaviour. For example, it may be the norm of a peer group to wear a hat at all times, but the norm of our school is “no hat’s allowed”.

Techniques Used to Socialize Children

Formal Education – schools and the education system

Informal Education – family and society at large

Socialization and Cognitive Development

Socialization liberates children from their egocentrism in order to facilitate cognitive development

Exposure to different points of views allows them to defend, justify, modify their thoughts

Self-Regulation: The ability to regulate one’s own behaviour

Self-Regulation – child’s independent control of behavior to conform to understood social expectations

Self-regulation is correlated with conscience development Conscience – internal standards of behavior, which usually control one’s conduct

and produce emotional discomfort when violated

Example: Julie, age 2, is about to poke her finger into an electrical socket at her friend Babu’s house. In her own house the electrical socket s are covered, but not here in her friend Babu’s house. When Julie hears her father shout “NO!”, she pulls her arm back. The next time she goes near an electrical socket, she starts to point her finger, hesitates, and then says “NO”. She has stopped herself from doing something she remembers she is not supposed to do. Julie is beginning to show ---------------

Until Julie was physically able to get around on her own, electrical sockets posed no hazard. To stop herself from poking her finger requires that she consciously understand and remember what her father told her. Cognitive awareness, however is not enough; restraining herself also requires emotional control.