Http:// Distorted Images of God

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Distorted Imagesof God

God of Impossible Expectations

As children we had a tremendous need for approval (to be pleased with us) from our parents. If we couldn’t get their approval we took in the negative messages about us and about God. The result is we can’t received God’s unconditional love or love ourselves unconditionally.


We may see God as: -one who is never pleased -having impossible standards beyond my reach -anxious to show us how badly we've failed -approving conditionally -being a perfectionist Himself


We may see God as: -performance oriented (Your job is to make God look good) -having a measure up motto -being critical, unpleasable, can't get it right


What past experience(s) might affect your ability to believe that God has reasonable

expectations of you?

God of Rejection

All distortions are rejecting (directly or indirectly). If you feel rejected - it's a

distortion - and it will end up being self-rejecting.

The God who is …

•legalistic•authoritarian•rigid•unemotional•unforgiving

LEGALISM:

•rules were more important than you are•it is more important to God that you obey what the rules are than to get your needs met (stay in an abusive marriage, obey your parents, etc.)•you are left with the feeling that needs are not important

AUTHORITARIAN:•power was not shared with you or others•a person got their power by disempowering you•people in power controlled most aspects of your life where the only power individuals in the system has comes from association with the power person strong hierarchy (patriarchal) (man above woman and woman above children)

AUTHORITARIAN:•no concept of equality or partnership (God has all the power and shares it with no one or only with special others)•may feel God doesn't want me to be personally empowered (weak robots)•God doesn't think you have the ability to manage your life and wants you to let others manage it for you

RIGID:•have to think or believe the way "the family" "the church“;"the system" believes•if you don't fit the pattern you change or leave•there is only one way to interpret information•people who think or believe differently are wrong and even dangerous•thoughts and beliefs are black and while (no gray)•no freedom of thoughts and feelings

UNFORGIVING:

•people unforgiving of mistakes•people who could not forgive themselves (bitter, resentful)•nothing you could ever do would right a wrong•God won't forgive an offense and has no compassion

The God who is …

•unpredictable•untrustworthy•unreliable•irresponsible

Growing up in a home in situations where parents and others were unpredictable, etc.

People make promises they cannot or do not keep.

Some adults were loving, attentive, kind, etc. and then at other times hostile, unkind, and nonattentive.

When these changes take place without explanation or without clarification, we can become very confused.

As children we needed the love to be reliable and predictable. When it wasn't we experienced confusion and disappointment. Often we begin to believe we can make things better if we try harder to please our parents and eventually we give up. We decide we cannot count on other people or God, but only on ourselves.

Extreme conditions (make the situation worse; more confusing; heightens the problems):

• advanced stages of addictions to alcohol or mood altering drugs

• addiction to rage• addiction to religion• addiction to gambling• chronic mental disorders (depression,

schizophrenia)• debilitating handicaps or long term

illness

God is untrustworthy - makes promises and doesn't keep themGod doesn't want to know that I hurt and I have problems – just keep the faithMay think God needs to be apologized for or made excuses for (God isn't coming through)Confusing - no consistent or clear image of GodMay think that God needs our help.

God of AbandonmentHaving a sense of belonging is basic and one of our deepest needs."I've never been at home with myself" - no sense of belonging to our self.Inferiority and alienation diminishes when we find a sense of belonging and contributing.Without a sense of belonging, anxiety results

God of Abandonment

Once we feel abandoned we don't feel a sense of belonging - we are abandonable - something is wrong with me (not the person that abandoned us).

Where did it come from?

• experienced intentional abandonment by a person and then we transferred that to God• divorce, death, prolonged hospitalization, alcoholism (can be more confusing and difficult to realize because the person did not intentionally abandon us)

Where did it come from?

• because the child feels like the center of the universe and the adult cannot be wrong then the child assumes I am wrong - I am the reason they left

What if I feel God might abandon me?

•I'll try to please and perform so He won't leave•God's not going to be there when I need Him most.•I've got to hold on to God - He's not going to hold on to me.•God is forgetful and unable to remember things that are important to me.

What if I feel God might abandon me?

•God is fragile and not powerful enough.•God is seeing me as not good enough to deserve His constant presence.

God of Abandonment

If our parents abandoned us, we then feel God did, and the worse thing is that we then abandoned ourself (self-hate; I am abandonable).

Compassion is the strongest therapeutic agent (creative influence).

God of AbandonmentSelf-hate is the strongest anti-therapeutic

agent (potential for self destruction). We engage in self-hate when we hate any aspect of our selves or have a general feeling of self-hate.

God doesn't abandon me, I abandon myself.

I need to learn to love and accept me (all of me).

God of Abandonment

Being helpless or dependent is indirect self-hate.

I can't control people; I can't control God; I can control me: stop abandoning myself. That means I cannot afford ANY self-criticism.

Disinterested, Unconcerned,

Emotionally Distant GodThere is no distortion of God that doesn't

abandon.This distortion is not caused by what was

done to us, but by a lack of.A sense of being invisible.A child needs to be seen and noticed by

parents to exist.


Emotionally Distant GodTalking, but no one hears; moving, but no

one notices; not there; feeling worthless.Who mirrored you when you were small?To gain a perception of being present in

the first three years of life, we need mirroring (validation; echoing); someone to reflect who I am - not what I should be. You are becomes I


Emotionally Distant Godam. Therapy replaces the you ares that you heard in childhood with new you ares so you can become a new I am.

Internalize the good you hear about yourself.

We need to be admired.


Emotionally Distant GodWe need to be taken seriously (not silly for

wanting that, believing what I say).We need to see who we are reflected back

to us.We need to be accepted for who and what

we are.


Emotionally Distant GodBeing deprived of adequate time,

attention, and __ we became deficient and are invisible.

We got the message: "I don't count."This can be caused by any parent that

emotionally controlled us by distancing to punish us


Emotionally Distant GodWe may feel the same invisibility with God.God may be blind, unnoticing.God is busy and more concerned about important matters.God is asleep and doesn't notice when we are being abused.Our picture of God is vague (barely visible).

Punishing, Withholding, Unfair or Partial GodThe God who sees you as sinful and

deserving punishment. Abuses (physically or sexually) you in the name of love, authority, or submission.

As children we ask parents every day in lots of different ways: Do you love me? Some of us were told blatantly no, but some were told

Punishing, Withholding, Unfair or Partial God

yes and experienced no. To experience yes we needed: attention, mirroring (echoing that you are O.K.), affection, and guidance (not punishment).

Maybe we heard critical or violent words that we are not valuable.

Some of us experienced violent actions

Punishing, Withholding, Unfair or Partial God

(just seeing the violence done to another person damaging just as if you yourself had been beaten). No place to hide. Feel terrified and violated. No safe place. No way to get away.

Any verbal, physical, or sexual abuse can shatter any image of a gentle, loving God. See God as easily angered and ready to punish me.

Punishing, Withholding, Unfair or Partial GodDistortion of sin consciousness - viewing

people as basically evil, bad and deserving of punishment - may feel God is discriminating and will withhold things.

Ways God may have come across to us by the way people

treated us:

(1) Find what you value most and take it away to teach you a lesson and control you.(2) Withholds pleasure in anything; is always serious.(3) Frowns on dancing, theater going, flirtation, cosmetics, or alcohol.


treated us:(4) Be quiet, calm down; repressing rather than encouraging your energy and creativity (depressing God); don't express yourself.(5) Punishing kind of person just waiting for you to make a mistake.(6) The Monster type God. (from book, The Road Less Traveled, Peck) Any person who


treated us:violated you physically or sexually (looked at you and commented inappropriately about your body) Door Matt.(7) Partial to Jews, Gentiles, Men, etc.

May see God as a manExcluding

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Http:// Distorted Images of God