HowtoTalksoLittleKids(AndBigKids)WillListenInterviewwithJulieKingandJoannaFaberhttp://howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/TakeAction:Acknowledgefeelingsasmuchasyoucan,andworkonestablishingtheconnectionandrelationshipwithyourchild-thesecreateastrongerfoundationforchildrentolisten.InterviewNotesandMinutesMeetJulieandJoanna0:20

- WrotethebookHowtoTalksoLittleKidsWillListen- JoannaFaberisthedaughterofAdeleFaber(whowroteHowtoTalkso

KidsWillListenandHowtoListensoKidsWillTalk)andsheisamomof3;shewasateacherinHarlemfor10years

- JulieKinghasdoneworkshopsover20yearsandshehasexpertiseinapplyingtheseprinciplestokidswithAutismandSensoryProcessingDisorders

- Thebookishilarious,you’llrelate,andtheskillswork- They’regoingtowalkusthroughreal-lifeexamples(fromDesi’slife)and

howtogetkidstolistenExample#1:2:03DesitookhersontothegrocerystoreandhersonwantedstrawberryHaloTopicecream(whichisexpensive).Shesaidtheycouldshareandhewantedthewholethingtohimself,hewasupsetaboutitallthewayouttothecar.

- It’stemptingtorespond,“Ifyoukeepthisup,you’renotgettinganyicecream”whichdoesn’tmakeforapleasantrestoftheshoppingtrip

- Startbyacceptingfeelingswhilelimitingactions- Beforeyouevenputtheicecreamintothecart,acknowledgehisfeelings

withwords“Youdon’tjustwanthalf-youwantallofit.”- Youcangivetheirwishesandfantasies,“Boy,Ibetyou’dbehappyifwe

couldgetawholeswimmingpooloficecream.”

o Often,that’senoughtoacknowledgethestrongfeelingswarmly.Thatcanaddressthetension

- But,ifyourchildispersistent,thenyoucangiveinformationandachoicetohelpmoveon.

o “Well,you’restuckwithamomwhocaresabouttoomuchsugar,soI’mwillingtogetonetubforthefamily.Icanpickitoutoryoucanpickitout.”

- Ifhekeepsscreaming,youcanshareyourfeelingsusingan“Imessage”-“Idon’tfeellikegettingicecreamwhenI’mbeingscreamedat”

- 2storiesabouthowthisapproachworkso Thechocolatemilkstoryo Achildinaclassroomcleaningblocks

- It’seasierforchildrentoacceptlimitswhenwestartbyacceptingtheirfeelings

o Thelimitsarestillheld;itactuallymakesiteasiertobestricto Thisworksforolderkidstoo

Example#2:11:52Desi’sfamilywasathermom’shouseanditwastimetogo.Cooperwashavingfunandhewasnothappytoleave.WhenDesipickedhimuptogohebitherontheshoulder.

- Theperfectreactioncouldbetoyell“Oww!”anddropyourkid(whichiswhatDesidid)

o Thatgivesthemalotofgoodfeedback- Again,thefirstruleistotalkaboutfeelings,forexample“Boy,youdon’t

liketoleavewhenyou’rehavingfun-youprobablywishyoucouldstayhereallnight”

- Then,findawaytogivethekidsomehealthycontrol-theyfeellikewe’rearbitrarilymovingthemaround.

- Peopletendtobemorecooperativewhentheyhaveautonomyandcontrol.

o Example:Givethekidastopwatchortimer-“Wehavetoleavein10minutes-canyousetthetimerandletusknowwhenweneedtogo?”

o TheTimeTimerisagreattooltovisuallyseehowtimeisgoing- Anotheroptionistomakesomethingagame.Inthiscase,thekidthinks

they’releavingthefunsituation,sothinkaboutmakingthetransitionfun.

o Forexample,“Wouldyouliketohoplikearabbittothecar?Orwouldyouliketowalkbackward?”

Problemsolvingaheadoftime17:35

- Sitdownwithyourkidsandstartwithacknowledgingtheirfeelings,forexample“Youhaveahardtimeleavingtheparkwhenyou’rehavingsomuchfun.”Spendalotoftimeonthat.

- Thenyoushareyourfeelings,“Idon’tlikegoingtotheparkwhenyou’regoingtoscreamatmewhenweleave.Weneedideas.Whatshouldwedo?”

o Andyoucomeupwithideasforhowtohandlethesituation,forexampleasignalthatmeansit’sreallytimetoleavetheparkorasnackleftinthecarforwhenyou’redonesotheyareexcitedtoleave

- It’sahugethingtoenlistkidsandgetthemonyourside;itfeelstime-consuming,butit’shelpfultogeteveryoneonthesamepageandsameteamwhichsavesyoutimeinthelongrun

- Usethistacticforrepetitiveissues- Keepinmindthesestrategiesworkforkidsofallagesofkids

Example#3:23:15Desi’smom’shousehaslotsoftoysandhersonwasdumpingoutallthebins,andinsteadofhelpingcleanupattheend,hewantedtojustkeepdumpingbins.

- Adultsgetexcitedbyacleanandorderlyroomandkidsdon’tcare- Thebestthingtodowithlittlekidsistomakecleaninguppleasantandfun- Kidsdon’thaveawork-ethic,theyhaveaplay-ethic

o Storyfromapre-schoolteacherwhoplaysdifferentpacesofmusicandthekidshavetocleanuptothatpace

o Youcanalsohavethekidstossthetoysintothebinsmakingitagame

o Onemommadethetoybag“talk”andfeedthebagwithtoys(thisoneworkssowell)

- Askkidshowlongitwilltaketocleanandthensetthetimero Thisworkswithothertaskslikehomeworktoo:havinganendpoint

ishelpful

- Sometimesyourchildisgrumpyoroutofsorts,anditwillsaveyougriefifyoujustdoityourself.Eventuallythey’llunderstandwhytheyshouldcleanupandhaveastrongerworkethic

o Youcan’tcontrolthembyforce,soworkonbuildingtheconnectionandlistening,andfindingsolutions,sostartthatwhenthey’relittletheybuildworkethic

Finalthoughts33:05

- Rememberhowimportanttherelationshipandtheconnectionaresothatyourkidswanttolistenandcooperate

- Acknowledgefeelingsandknowthatyouwon’tmanageeverymomentperfectly

- Pickuptheirbookitwillmakeyoulaughandgiveyouconcretetoolstohelpyourkidswanttolisten.Thereisalsoaspecialchapterforusingthetoolswithkidswhohaveautismorsensoryprocessingdisorder!

WheretofindJulieandJoanna:

- HowToTalkSoLittleKidsWillListenthebook- HowToTalkSoYourKidsWillListenandListenSoYourKidsWillTalk(a

classicwrittenbyJoannaFaber’smom)- OnFacebook- http://howtotalksolittlekidswilllisten.com/- www.julieking.org

NOTES:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________