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How to improve your NAPLAN narrative writing
Make sure you know how your work is going to be marked
PART ONE
Designed by Pam Powell, Network lead teacher, 2014
Notes for teachers
• Use only those slides that are appropriate for your students – some are aimed at primary students while others target high school students.
• Feel free to change the language if you have used different terminology with your students.
• Only work with students on a small section of the PowerPoint at one time. This is revision: explicit teaching will have happened previously.
• You might like to enlarge some slides to A3 size and use them as classroom charts.
Email [email protected] for further informationReferencesWriting narrative marking guide 2010Narrative writing task: training for markers PowerPoint accessed from the Queensland Studies Authority site http://www.qsa.qld.edu.au/naplan-writing1.htmlhttp://www.holmdelschools.org/schools/satz/eng_dept/Elements%20of%20Literature/Atmosphere%20&%20Tone/atmosphere.htmhttp://www.writersbureau.com/e-zee-writer/august-2012/page3.htm
You will be given a page to read.It might be set out like this.
This topic asks you to
persuade a reader
This topic asks
you to write a story or a
narrative
Make sure you understand which type of writing you need to do
Remember
narrative is another word for
story
Read through the page very carefully
Read and follow the
instructions carefully
Read and follow the
instructions carefully
This section will
help you improve
your writing
Remember that each picture will give you
an idea to write about
Think carefully
about the title
Write all of your story about only
one picture or idea
Make a list of ideas for writing• What does the title mean to
you? • What are the key words?• What ideas do you have for a
good story?• Use your planning page to
brainstorm lots of ideas.
My ideas• a messy disgusting person – clumsy, spills things, annoys other people. Like Mr Twit..
• a messy place – I walk into my new friend’s house. It has stuff everywhere. Dishes piled up in the sink. 7 cats sitting on chairs covered in cat fur.
Make a list
Choose your best idea
Make a plan
Something happens
to someone,somewhere,sometime.
Write your plan on your planning sheetThis is the simplest
plan of all
Make a plan
Something happens
to someone,somewhere,sometime.
Write your plan on your planning sheetThis is the simplest
plan of all
Make a plan
You will need to think about
an orientation
a complication
a sequence of events
a resolution
when?
who?
where?
Why?
• explains a problem that sets off a chain of events
• shows what happens to the characters after the problem
• shows how the characters sort out the problem
and sometimes
AudienceSkill focus: The writer’s capacity to orient, engage and affect the reader.
Score range: 0 – 6
Think about your audience• Each piece of writing is scanned.
• People - mostly retired teachers – are trained to mark the writing.
• They spend at least 4 hours each day marking students’ writing.
• They need to mark fairly quickly, so • you have to write carefully so the markers can read it easily• you need to make your points as strongly as you can.
The marker might
look like one of these
people.
IMPORTANT : Remember this is a FIRST and FINAL DRAFTYou must make your writing as accurate as you can.
• Have you followed the instructions on the page?
• Does your story follow on from the title?
• Will your story interest your reader?
• Have you chosen your words carefully so that your reader cares about your characters and the events that take place?
• Have you tried to make your reader feel happy, sad, frightened, excited, angry or another emotion?
The markers are looking for these things
1. Audience: can you interest, engage and make your reader feel some kind of emotion?
Score Have you engaged your reader?
0 You make a drawing.You put some letters or signs on your page.
1 You have written some simple words.
2 Your story might be short but it is easy to read.
3 Your writing gives enough information for your reader to follow the story fairly easily.
4 Your writing is clearly understood by the reader.You attempt to interest your reader in the story.
5 You choose your words carefully and deliberately in order to interest the reader.You use narrative devices that might include• humour• suspense• metaphors, similes, personification etc• particular genres e.g. fantasy, mystery, adventure, romance
6 You establish a strong and believable 'voice'.You create an emotional mood using precise language choices and narrative devices.You take the reader's values and expectations into account.
Think about the stories you have read, watched and listened to
Think about the different types of stories you knowYou might choose • an adventure story• a mystery story• a horror story• a romance • a fantasy • …
• a setting in time and place• characters — that may not be well developed or one dimensional • event/s complication that builds in a sustained way to a climax• a strong focus on the action• a resolution — at least to some extent.
Remember that an adventure story has …
• a setting
• characters
• event/s — complication (cause and effect; problem and solution)
• clues
• elements of suspense
• a resolution — at least to some extent.
Remember that a mystery has …
• might take the form of an adventure or a mystery • is often told in the first person so that readers can identify with the narrator• places unusual or abnormal characters and events in a normal situation • or places very normal characters in an abnormal or unusual context• has a dark foreboding and menacing mood• creates fear, tension and suspense• includes at least one character who is extremely evil.
Remember that a horror story …
Reference: redlodge.schoolwires.com/.../filedownload.ashx?...Elements_of_Horror...
• contains events that occur outside the ordinary laws that operate within the real world.
• has magic as a central element
• often involves journeys and quests
• sometimes has a portal into an imaginary world
• sometimes has a main character who wants to find an object or treasure or something for personal gain
Remember that a fantasy story ...
How will you tell the story?A first person narrator• uses I• sees the story through the eyes of one of the characters.
A second person narrator• uses you• makes the reader feel part of the story• is rarely used except in choose your own adventure genres• is often difficult to sustain through the narrative.
A third person narrator• uses they• takes the perspective of an unseen narrator• has two main types• all knowing• knows only what the characters know.
A story must be told by somebody specific or the reader is lost.
Will you choose your language to interest the reader?You will interest your reader when you use language the way writers do. (Even clichés may be a step in the right direction.)
Here are some examples• Figurative language – a starry night• Hyperbole: My dad is the world’s laziest.• Understatement: Death is a bit disruptive.• Dialect or jargon : “I could well of backed the trifecta”, he said.
2. Text structureNarrative skill focus: The organisation of narrative (story) features including orientation, complication and resolution.
Score range 0 - 4
2. Text structure: have you written an orientation, complication and conclusion?Score Have you structured a narrative text?
0 You write symbols or drawings.You have no sequence of time.
1 You might just write the beginning of a story.You just list some events.You have no beginning to your story.
2 You write an orientation and a complication.Your story might have all 3 parts but they are not developed fully.Your resolution is not original e.g. It was all a dream.
3 You have an orientation, complication and resolution. You write a long, detailed text.You might include more than one complication, flashback or twist in the story.
4 You write a clear and complete story with all structures well developed including an effective ending.You create a more complicated plot structure that might include foreshadowing, cliffhangers, reflection and evaluation.
You might make a story map
Use class charts
http://fun-in-first.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/narrative-writing.html
Create a flow chart
Make a plot profile
Draw a story mountain
Include a flashback
3. Ideas
Skill focus: The creation, selection and crafting of ideas for a narrative.
Score range: 0 – 5
3. Ideas: Have you chosen your ideas carefully to make a good story?
Score How detailed are your ideas?
0 You write symbols or drawings.
1 You have hardly any ideas.Your ideas are very simple.Your ideas don’t fit together to make a story.
2 You write a few ideas with only a little detail.Your ideas are very predictable.
3 You have given some detail in your story.All of your ideas fit together to make a story.You might have too many unimportant details.
4 All of your ideas are important and well described.All of your ideas work well together to develop your story.Your story suggests an important message (or theme).
5 You select and organise your ideas very carefully to explore an important message (theme). You use your ideas skilfully to create a particular storyline.You might choose an unexpected topic or present a mature viewpoint.You might choose a particular kind of narrative e.g. a quest, mystery, fantasy.
What is an idea?
• In some stories the ideas revolve around the events.
• In others the characters and the ways in which their lives change are most important.
• It is important to plan the characters, setting and events around a central message – the theme.
• It is not necessary to tell the reader the theme – the best ones are inferred from the story.
Theme is the melody, the motive, or the dominant idea developed in the story. Children, like adults, prefer authors who trust readers to infer theme from the characters, events and setting rather than preaching or explicitly stating the theme. (Calkins)
Theme
Some universal themes• The need to be loved - give/receive
unconditional love
• The need to belong
• The need to achieve
• The need for security
• The need to know - the power of knowledge
• The need to survive – resourcefulness
• The need to mature (with heroic qualities)
• Life and death
• Good versus evil
Theme is the important idea, the meaning, the significance behind the story.
4. Character and setting (narrative)Skill focus character: the portrayal and development of character
Skill focus setting: the development of a sense of place, time and atmosphere
Score range: 0 – 4
Have you shown the characters?
score Have you described your characters as individuals?
0 You have written some signs or have made some drawings.
1 You have mentioned the names of the characters and who they are e.g. The father, the teacher, my friend, Jim.
2 You have given brief descriptions of what they said or how they feel.
3 You have described the actions, thoughts, feelings and speech of the characters.
4 You have created distinctive characters.You have used convincing dialogue and you have their shown thoughts and their reactions to other characters
score Have you described the place, time and atmosphere?
0 You have written some signs or have made some drawings.
1 You have just mentioned the place where the story happens.
2 You have given a very brief description of the place and/or time.
3 You have described the place, time and atmosphere so that your reader can see the setting.
4 You have chosen your words carefully and given enough detail for your reader to see the place, time and atmosphere right through your story.
Have you shown the setting ?
How will you develop your characters?
Writers reveal their characters in these ways
what they say…
what they think…
what they do….
the way in which the writer describes them…
what the other characters say about them..
how other characters react to them…
http://languageartsreading.dadeschools.net/pdf/Writing/WritingSampleLessons/Composing%20Lessons/6-ShowNotTellLesson.pdf
Show not tell!
http://jennifersteachingtools.blogspot.com.au/2012/12/show-not-tell.html
Show not tell!
Show not tell!
If I have to tell you, I lose. If on the other hand I can show you a dirty haired woman who compulsively gobbles cake and candy then you have to draw the conclusion that Annie is in the depressive part of a manic-depressive cycle, I win. …If, on the other hand, I turn her into a cackling crone, she’s just another pop-up bogey lady. In which case I lose big time and so does the reader.Stephen King 2000:190
Stephen Edwin King is an American author of contemporary horror, suspense, science fiction and fantasy. His books have sold more than 350 million copies and many of them have been adapted into feature films, television movies and comic books.Wikipedia
Read Stephen King’s thoughts about show not tell.
How does this help you make word choices for your writing?
Create an atmosphereAtmosphere (or mood) is the feeling the writer wants the reader to have.It is created • mostly by describing the backgrounds and settings of the story• sometimes by describing the characters and events• through word choices and sentence structure.
Writing in the first person can make your readers feel as if they are part of the story, seeing and experiencing everything along with the character.
I looked at the garden, at the weeds weaving their way towards the house, merging with the ivy-coated walls. Something tugged at my memory. A smell – of unwashed skin, of bad breath and of something worse. Much worse. I shuddered, shivering and shaking. I remembered.
This shows the character’s horror – the reader sees, smells and feels the scene. Adapted from http://www.writersbureau.com/e-zee-writer/august-2012/page3.htm
A few powerful words will make your readers feel part of the story.
If you’ve chosen a hotel as your setting, using different words can dramatically vary the atmosphere created.
She eagerly hurried inside, her eyes soaking up the sumptuous sofas, gleaming floors and dazzling chandelier taking centre stage.
This gives an image of light, of space and a pleasant place to stay. Your readers can imagine that the main character might meet smart businessmen and wealthy women.
The following describes a contrasting hotel and produces a very different mood.
She gingerly stepped inside, her eyes widening at the sagging sofas, the filthy floor and dull, flickering light.
Here, the hotel comes across as dingy and dirty. Your readers can picture this hotel’s patrons as seedy and up to no good.Adapted from http://www.writersbureau.com/e-zee-writer/august-2012/page3.htm
Use powerful words Underline the powerful words
The old mansion's coat was peeling away; the once-white paint had mildewed and faded to a slushy grey. The giant window over the double-door entry was cracked and partially missing; a large shard jutted up from the bottom of the frame like a single jagged tooth. The doors themselves hung slightly askew and looked as though they'd tried to keep out a pack of wild, scratching dogs, but had failed.
Compare these descriptions
The stately mansion gleamed under a fresh coat of white paint. A giant window over the double-door entry allowed light in and let the sparkling reflections from the chandelier in the foyer dazzle those who came up the crushed-stone driveway.
Underline the descriptive words. How do they make you feel? Describe the atmosphere that has been created in each text?
The pictures show Tara from the film Gone with the Wind before and after the fire.
For example, if you want to make a scene move quickly• use lots of verbs to show the action.• longer sentences with less punctuation will add to the sense of speed.
John leaped through the doors, wondering where the bomb could be, searching quickly with his eyes. Not spotting it, he dashed through the room, leaping over the fire raging on the rug, landing in a somersault so he could keep moving forward.
Notice: • Verbs ending in ing make the reader feel like the action is happening at that moment. • Past-tense verbs slow the action down because it's already happened. • There is very little detail to the setting - the descriptions are of the actions, not of the objects. Adapted from http://www.holmdelschools.org/schools/satz/eng_dept/Elements%20of%20Literature/Atmosphere%20&%20Tone/atmosphere.htm
Use sentence structure
