Written by:

Noura Ahmed

4 Short Stories

Do you know that I went to kashmir ?I fell in love with Kashmir the moment I stepped out of of Srinagar airport.The air has your light floral fragrance and the authority of your presence. I would learn in the few days I spent there that it was a city that looked and acted like you in every way and it amazed me that you have never been there. It was calm as you were despite all the conflicts inside and the turmoil outside.

I went to stay in a traditional house in the middle of the Dal lake surrounded by the almighty Himalayas. When I once again experienced other feelings I only felt with you. The clarity of the lake reminded me how I wished to be like you as clear as the water with no hidden secrets, fears or desires. While the mountains challenged me to dream of reaching the sky to see what's beyond the clouds, to dare achieve the impossible.I remembered how you liked green tea and cinnamon and how you would brew your coffee beans with lots of cardamom, when I first tasted the Kahmiri kahwa - the city's special tea prepared by boiling your favorite herbs together.It amazed me how this city even shared your taste buds. I slept well that night feeling excited about watching the sunrise ofthe next day. The same day we watched the sunrise together before. I woke up when it was still dark and patiently waited forthe first glimpse of light. Slowly the sky started to light up and reflect its colours over the water and just like your eyes it glittered for the beautiful dawn . and I could hear you whisper in my ear ' your breath touched my soul and I saw beyond all limits ' as clearly as I heard the songs of the birds now flying toward the sun .I stayed watching the flight of birds till a man rowed his boat near my balcony and tried to sell me flowers but when he gave up on me. He advised me to visit the Tulip gardens and gave me a pink tulip as a gift .He told me that I was lucky coming to kashmir in mid-march to witness the day the first tulip bloomed.

That day I visited the Maghul Gardens first. They were designed as the Maghul's imagined heaven would be. A beautiful garden built on twelve levels with a river running from up downwards. Then I visited the Tulip Garden. I was paralyzed by the scene. I saw millions of Tulips of all colours blooming everywhere till infinity.That became my daily habit for the rest of my days in kashmir . I watch the sunrise with the lake and the mountains. Then spend the day with the tulips till the sunsets. Later, In the night I go prepare the kahwa in the kitchen with "Ghulam " the cook ,it was ironic how his name meant the young boy though he was beyond his seventh decade of life. When the kahwa was ready we would go to the balcony to join" lama " the Buddhist nun that stayed in the other room of the house.

We would talk for a couple of hours each night till dinner. Ghulam would tell us about the history of kashmir and the culture of its people . He would talk about his two wives and about his pride that he stood against his family and neighboursto educate his daughters. Lama would talk about Buddhism , energy , meditation , spirituality ,and that sort of things. She would talk about how and why she became a nun but once she admitted that what set her on the spiritual path was a broken heart.

But I would talk about you. How I came to kashmir as it was the only name of a place I heard from you that did exist on a map and I could buy plane tickets to reach. I told them about your necklace when another man in a boat wanted to selllama some jewelry. He showed me some sapphire stars but none shined as bright as your stone. I told them how If they love kashmir then they must love you as you were the same in spirit. I told them some of the things you told me, about your obsession with sunrises and with Rumi's poetry , about your love for me and my love for you . Those were my days till the day I found out that the tulips had withered and died . It was the last day of the third week since the tulips opened up to life .The last day of the third week since you opened up to love.

1

1

2

It was karma taking its revenge and no message could have been any clearer. I returned to my room, packed my bag and wisheda good life for Ghulam and Lama. However, before I left Lama asked me about your name so she can pray for both of us and it struck me that I never asked you about it.

I told her 'Gana' Arabic of Heaven.

I didn’t care asking about your name because since the story started and you were “Rdwan” the guard of heaven. The guard of my heaven. “ Let me tell you that story .. Our story ”

The story begins while I was sipping my coffee and wondering about the ability of my brain to receive too many stimuli simultaneously and still be able to differentiate between them. At the very same moment I was aware of the bitter taste of my coffee and that it needed more sugar , and of the different aromas in the air that of coffee , cigarettes, a strong feminine perfume , and a hint of lemon and vanilla. And for the sound I could hear low humming with a spontaneous laugh each now and then. I could also hear the clatter of glasses and the voice of Bryan Adams in the background singing “ I have been waiting for too long for something to arrive , for love to come along “ at the instant the door opened and you walked into my life.

You looked around the place and then looked me in the eye , walked a few steps towards me and asked to take your coffee on my table as there is no other vacant table. Then ordered a double espresso when I caught your eyes staring at my blue sapphire necklace. So I smiled and said : ‘ This gem is called Star of Kashmir ’. It shines from within giving rise to a six rayed star and reminds us that the outer manifestations we treasure are nothing but a reflection of the Light of our own essence.the three lines that form the star represent faith, hope , destiny and love is their point of intersection.

I remember then that you liked it so much and that I asked you about the book you had in front of you and you told me that it was a volume of John Milton’s ‘ paradise lost ’ the great poem written in twelve volumes that tell the story of Adam and Eve . and you read for me the words the angel Michael spoke in consolation to Adam and Eve just before he led them out of heaven :All secrets of the deep, all Nature’s works, Or works of God in Heav’n, Air, Earth, or Sea, And all riches of this World enjoy’dst, And all the rule, one Empire: only add Deeds to thy knowledge answerable, add Faith, Add Virtue, Patience, Temperance, add Love, By name to come called Charity, the soul Of all the rest: then wilt though not be loth To leave this Paradise, but shaltpossess A paradise within thee, happier far.

You finished your coffee till the last sip. You then changed your pose. You straightened your back, locked your fingers together under your chin with your elbows firmly resting on the table and tightened your eyes a little. Then you started talking in a way that will make me wish you never stop talking ever. The way you will always use when talking about something you believe in. and that day you talked about heaven and how you think that heaven does exist on earth but on another level of awareness that you are still looking for a way to get there and you read me another line from Milton’s book :

“ The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven ”

I told you that I know where heaven exists and I will show it to you if you met me the next day a little before dawn. We walkeda little uphill and you asked me where we are going. I said that I don’t know but you should wait because heaven will appear anytime now. Just keep walking . That moment a white dove flew above your head and a wild breeze blew on your face and youlooked at me and smiled. Then the sun started to appear and rise slowly but we continued walking then running as if trying to reach the sun before it was so high up the sky. Then we sat down at the top of the hill watching the sunrise in silence. Overwhelmed by beauty and overflowing with peace. You told me that this is truly heaven. I wished I told you back then that it wasn’t and the only heaven that existed was in your eyes.

3

I remember how we met each day to watch the sun rising in our heaven and I remember the first time you said ‘I love you’. I said ‘what do you mean’ . You told me that you feel so happy with me. But this is not love. If love and happiness were the samethey wouldn’t have separate words for them. Love and happiness are different words because they describe different feelings. “ I don’t want to say I love you ” as it became a cheap word people say all the time . I wished I could find a word that describes all the feelings I have with you. I have all the extreme feelings at once I am so happy , another time I am so sad , I feel like a queen though I feel totally unworthy of your love . but one thing I know for sure that you make me think . you make me think of becoming better of embracing the whole world of finding new means to capture any beauty in the world and give it to you. And it aches my heart to tell you a repeated love word or offer you things that any other woman can offer you. I want a word that will describe my love for your eyes when you are serious and for your childish smile. A word for my love for all your negatives before my love for your positives. Because when you love someone you don’t see their imperfections as negativesbut as weaknesses , caused by scars of the past. Scars of a past they faced alone without you to protect them. However That day was when the sun of our love reached it’s highest up in the sky . But no matter how beautiful the dawn is, it cannot last forever.

The days that followed our separation would fill my heart with guilt and with questions. I would wonder if I should have said something that day instead of just staring silently at the sun till it could no longer be seen , smiling and then walking away. But there was nothing to say. God created us as free souls and It was your right to stay or to leave . and I could see in your eyes a look of someone who is fully aware that the words he is going to say are like a double edged weapon that won’t hurt me without hurting him first . But still chose to use that weapon anyways and said “ I am leaving”.

For a whole year I woke up each day with a heavey heart on a pillow wet with my tears , but one day I woke up a little early when it was still dark to close the window as I was feeling a little cold and when I was there standing by the curtains I could see the lights flickering with apathy over the lonely street and I thought of my aching heart and my restless mind and thought of ending this pain, and without much thought I found my self standing over the window sill. And now from where I stand I could see shadows of trees. I could smell the roses fresh by the dew and hear the songs of the rising birds and Could sense the color of the sky turning from black to sapphire blue like my necklace. It was another beautiful dawn and I found my self singing :

And now from where I stand I look around,I search the skies I shade my eyes, so nearly blind

And I see signs of half remembered daysI recognize...

The hope you kindle in your eyes

I smiled and thought of your extreme addiction of Roger water’s music and thought of Rumi’s words ‘There was a dawn I remember when my soul heard something from your soul’ .I touched my necklace and felt ashamed of my betrayal for hope, faith, destiny and love. I was now filled with much sadness that I wasted the sunrise of the day we witnessed it together in sadness and despair.I prayed for another chance and God’s mercy inspired me with an idea. So, I put on a coat and went to the airport. I was in Hong Kong that day and I bought a ticket for the first flight to Chicago as this will make me cross the international time line and witness the miracle of living the sunrise of the same day twice . There above the clouds I could see the sun starting to rise again, spreading its rays of light, warmth and Love everywhere. I whispered ‘ You touched my soul and I saw beyond all limits’ . I lived the rest of my days trying to make this world a better place for you. I traveled calling for peace and planting roses. Till yesterday when I knew that planet Venus called after the Greek goddess of love and beauty could be seen for a few seconds after sunrise and I knew I will find you as you bring miracles to everywhere you go. And I wouldhave the chance to be in heaven again and a chance to tell you this story.

Rdwan this is where the story ends or heaven just begins

4

" I still remember that day we met in December "I’ve always been amazed at how heavily people rely on words to understand one another. That's why I hadn't started talking till the age of 6.

It wasn't until I had encountered lying that I realized that I was the only one who could see the meaning behind the words and the truth behind the lies. Name it a talent, a gift or a special ability, either way it was something I knew I had. Everybody lied my friends , my teachers, even my parents lied and those lies ranged from small lies to huge ones. What baffled me how they could lie face to face and deceive others even though their eyes told the truth, their story, what they appreciate the most and even what they fear the most.…

What’s important is that I decided to speak the truth , and that is what I did for a while, until people stopped believing me or rather didn't want to believe me . From there on out, I just spoke !. As I grew up , I appreciated my gift more and more . It was amusing taking the bus to school and thinking of all the different stories I knew. The man who killed his wife , the woman who cheated on the husband , the mother who places the needs of her children ahead of hers, the father who is terrified of the inability to provide for his family their essential needs, those that are patriotic for their country , the corrupt, the religious man who secretly seeks power and fame whilst fearing people more than he fears his own God or, the simple factory worker who is truly devoted to his creator.

When it was time for college,. I chose to major in political science. I thought “ man , with my talent I could be president” . I have to say I enjoyed college, oh how I miss those good old days, sitting under the biggest tree on campus having lunch whilewatching my colleagues go on with their day, trying to figure out their stories . At that stage I was more interested in the love stories : The guy sitting on the same the bus I take every day who loves my friend , but as life would have it, she loved his friend too . That couple who usually sit under my tree when I leave, those were the cutest couple having been together for years but I could tell from their eyes that it was fear of leaving and loss more than it was love and that she was searching for her dadwho never returned from war- in the eyes of each other man .

I usually preferred just watching and letting people discover the truth themselves without meddling. Only on two occasionsdid I decide to interfere . The first was when I found out that the library assistant was deceiving a girl I knew, all I did was warn her then but I couldn’t hold my laughter when her eyes told me that the deception was mutual. The second time, was for two decent people who deserved it , it did not need super powers to know that they were in love but they were still hesitant and needed a gentle nudge.

Following graduation my parents told me that we are travelling to visit my grandparents . I was ecstatic at first but then I started to have my doubts, “ , what if I knew something that I won't really like to know about my parents or my grandparents . However , we travelled and grandpa was waiting for us at the airport. Thanks God! There was neither nothing heroic nor catastrophic in his past . The next thing I remember was when I froze to death when I met my grandmother , I was just so confused , why couldn’t I read her eyes , was it because she was blind. No that wasn’t it, I remember reading eyes of the few blind I had encountered before. Over dinner onetime, I asked grandpa what it was that was wrong with Anna and he told me that she was suffering from Alzheimer's. Her memories were gone.

2

5

Following graduation my parents told me that we are travelling to visit my grandparents . I was ecstatic at first but then I started to have my doubts, “ , what if I knew something that I won't really like to know about my parents or my grandparents . However , we travelled and grandpa was waiting for us at the airport. Thanks God! There was neither nothing heroic nor catastrophic in his past . The next thing I remember was when I froze to death when I met my grandmother , I was just so confused , why couldn’t I read her eyes , was it because she was blind. No that wasn’t it, I remember reading eyes of the few blind I had encountered before. Over dinner onetime, I asked grandpa what it was that was wrong with Anna and he told me that she was suffering from Alzheimer's. Her memories were gone.

The very next day I went to a home for the elderly and pretended that I was doing some research and would like to meet thosesuffering from Alzheimer’s. As I had expected , I couldn't tell anything about anyone of them. That was the moment I understoodthat I did not read people's eyes rather their memory and the eyes served only as windows to their souls.

As life went by . I got a respectable position working for the government, a nice house and a nice car. You may say that I led a normal life till one cold day in the beginning of December when everything changed. I was having my espresso at the cafe opposite the office , it was very crowded ,and my usual table was taken , I sat at the table in the corner, I had more important things to care about than a seating arrangement.

A little bell chimed and a stranger came in , he looked outstanding in his sportswear, dark shades and one of those big hippy backpacks. He asked if he could have his breakfast at my table since it was the only one with an empty chair . I said it was ok and that I was almost leaving anyways. As he sat down, he started eating slowly and after a while he removed his sunglasses. ” Wow , something is special about him“ I thought . It wasn't his story, it seemed to be a normal story that I've seen hundreds of times and it wasn't his appearance either he was of average height , slim with dark brown hair and a light beard . Yet he still gave me the feeling that something was missing , what was it ??.

It took me another deep thoughtful look in his black eyes to figure it out . Believe me , I was stupefied by what I saw. This man in front of me had no desires and no fears , not one . I got lost in thought staring at him till he asked me : “could you tell me what time it is?”

“Sorry I always forget to fix my watch so I end up wearing it as an accessory” He then said with a smile “why ? are you afraid of time or maybe even death ? . ” he said that and just continued eating, he didn’t look like he was even waiting for a reply; I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. I grabbed my purse and keys and left quickly without saying anything. When I got in the car , I positioned the rear-viewmirror so I could see my eyes and I wept as I realized I couldn't tell what my wishes or my fears were. I couldn't sleep that day, nor focus at work the next. I had a hundred thoughts rushing through my mind at once so, I decided to take a walk on the beach, maybe that’d clear my mind a bit.

It was now nearing midnight and there was a cold breeze in the air. There on the beach I sat on a piece of driftwood looking at the moon’s reflection upon the sea and contemplating what life held for me . I got startled as I saw a shadowy figure moving towards me under the moonlight. , As it drew closer I realized it was that of a man and with another few steps I realized it was that same strange man from the café !

He started collecting the little pieces of wood he could find trying to build a bon fire. He then suddenly turned towards me andwalked over, “Do you have a lighter ?” he asked. , As I searched nervously in my bag I wondered what was he doing here. “Found it!” I said placing it in his hands, the look in his eyes revealed that he remembered me. “Thank you , would you mind if Ialso asked for a cigarette?” “Having a lighter in my bag, doesn't necessarily mean that I smoke” He gave a peculiar look and said “But it means something ,people don't normally carry lighters if they don't smoke” “ like what ?”“ fear from the dark or the unknown maybe” he said.

6

I was growing indignant and thought to myself “ Who does he think he is ,analyzing strangers and leaving those snide remarks then walking away with a stupid smile”.

While watching him trying to ignite the fire a thought came to me out of the blue as though a divine force had placed it there “What if this man in front of me can do the same thing I do ?, what if he isn't just looking at me but in fact he is looking through me ? Could he tell me what it is I hide in the depths of my memory”

He lit the fire and came back to return the lighter. “Would you like to join me?”he said and I accepted. We both sat silently watching as the sun rose from behind the horizon. It was then that I remembered a quote by Khalil Gibran " Moments passed and both of us were silent, confused, waiting for the other to begin talking. But is it the sounds and syllables emerging from lips and tongues that unify heart and mind? Isn't there something superior to what the mouths utter or something purer than what the chords vibrate ? Isn't it serenity that brings souls together?...” I was trying to remember the rest of the quote when my heart pounded and my eyes widened as I had thought I heard him saying “words were never useful “. I had no doubt now that he could read my thoughts .

He lit the fire and came back to return the lighter. “Would you like to join me?”he said and I accepted. We both sat silently watching as the sun rose from behind the horizon. It was then that I remembered a quote by Khalil Gibran " Moments passed and both of us were silent, confused, waiting for the other to begin talking. But is it the sounds and syllables emerging from lips and tongues that unify heart and mind? Isn't there something superior to what the mouths utter or something purer than what the chords vibrate ? Isn't it serenity that brings souls together?...” I was trying to remember the rest of the quote when my heart pounded and my eyes widened as I had thought I heard him saying “words were never useful “. I had no doubt now that he could read my thoughts .

"Words were never useful , no words could describe such a beautiful scene " he repeated .I turned my head towards him to agree on what he just said but when I caught his eyes he was looking decisively at me , and he moved his index slowly from the corner of his eye over his cheek bone twice . The same hand gesture you do when you are wiping your tears , but he wasn't crying . I was . when I became aware of the salty taste of tears in my mouth , I started to weep more and more . I relaxed my backon the sand and until this moment I don't know whether I fainted or I just fell asleep .

I dreamt that a girl who looked alot like me , but younger and with shorter hair was running in darkness trying to go as far as she can from the sound of a ticking clock , but the more she run the louder the sound gets until she fell but someone came along and gave her a hand. I could recognize the hand by how it felt and how it smelled . It was my grandma's hand and when the girl raised her head; She was no longer the same girl , she was I. My grandma took my hand and walked me through a beautiful garden and I could smell fresh bakery and vanilla and then she opened a door to a big library and though all the books had the same cover I was still able to differentiate between them . Grandma chose one of the books and started reading from it to me .I recognized that we were no longer in the library but we were inside the book . We walked through many scenes , some were beautiful others were scary. Until we reached a scene of a desert with nothing there but a well and a bucket . I told grandma that I was thirsty ,and as she tried to fill the bucket with water, she fell into the well and While I was standing there scared and crying , the water of the well started to overflow outside it and fill the page of the book and I started to drown. I wanted to scream but I couldn't . Although , I was totally soaked in water , I felt a strong light in my eyes . When I opened my eyes , I recognized that I was still lying in the beach with the sea touching the tips of my toes , and the sun shining brightly into my eyes.

I rubbed my eyes and when I looked to my left , I noticed that he was still there fishing. He handed me a can of coke and said : " You have slept for a couple of hours. I didn't want to wake you up as you seemed so tired ""Thank you " I said.

7

but he added " You have been talking while asleep and shouting the name of someone called Anna , nightmares ?! "I sighed and said " Yes , I was having nightmares and Anna was my grandmother .I guess what you told me about my fears aroused them inside me " " I am sorry , didn't mean to annoy you. I was just being sarcastic . However, if you allow me , I would like to know more about your dream as you shouldn't try to escape from your fears or act as if you don't care to know about them , when you do care "I was convinced so I told him about my dream . He was listening carefully and then commented : " Darkness in your dream is the unknown that you had to face while trying to run from time and the sound of the clock gets louder because we can't run from time . we run through it . Your grandmother , the garden and the smell of bakery represented your memories that you try to hold on to in your moments of despair. The library is life and the books are the different experiences you may encounter but they all have the same cover because you tend to have the same approach in dealing withyour life issues , and then the scenes of the book are the moments of your ups and downs ,and finally the scene of the desert could represent a hidden feeling that your life has reached a blunt end and you are achieving no more progress , and you are thirsty to drink from the well as you are thirsty to continue living so you again seek the help of your memories which is your granny in the dream , but she can't help you and she falls in the well and you surrender to your grieve and drown . Also ,your granny's falling into the well and you drowning after that could represent your extreme suffering over her loss to death and fear from the same fate " I told him " Her death left me unbalanced and shook me , not because I was close to her but becauseshe was my first encounter with death . The day she died I started thinking were do we go , and what if I don't like it there ! "

" See all our fears have only one source the fear of the unknown , like darkness we fear what we we can't see in it and then our mind starts playing games and imagining all sorts of things that could scare us . Fortunately , we can control our mind to imagine positive things and this rule applies to any other fear we have " he took a deep breath and then continued : " It's sad that we fear death when we should be fearing life ,death is something you can't avoid or stop but you can be prepared for , make sure that if you were to die today then you have done what you wanted with your life , you declared your love , apologised for those you hurt , and paid your debts . Death actually is an illusion , there is no life and death , there is only change " he smiled as he finished his sentence and I just nodded.

I stood up , cleaned my dress and started to leave. I gave him my back , walked away two steps and then turned around againand said :-Won't you like to know my name ? - No , we are not the names our parents gave us we are the impressions we leave on each other- So , what would you name me then - Elena - Sounds good, but what does is it mean - It's a greek name that means light I thought for a while then smiled and told him "I would call you Noah meaning comfort , as that's how you make me feel " I went to watch sunrise with Noah almost every day before I went to my office . Sometimes we would talk about many things other times we would just sit there contemplating and indulging the beauty of the ocean , the sky and the birds . Noah's abilityto analyse my acts , my words and even my thoughts gave me the courage to finally tell him about my talent. : "Noah I was born with this special ability to read people's memories and tell the truth from the lies and good from evil" He stared at me for a while , then laughed

8

The next day I over slept and went to the beach a couple of hours after sunrise. Noah was there reading a book and he haven't noticed me when I arrived. He startled and then smiled when I grabbed the book from his hands . I sat beside him and started going through the book's pages . It was an old book with a title that I couldn't understand "Empedocles" .I went through the-pages but couldn't tell what was it about , what caught my interest was all those strange diagrams that the book had.

"What is this book about ? what's Empedocles ?" I asked "This is a review of the teachings of the Great Greek philosopher Empedocles " I put my finger on one of the diagrams and showed it to him :"and what is this ??""It was Empedocles who established the four ultimate elements (fire, air, water, earth ) . He believed that those four elements formed the structure of everything in the world by being continuously separated and then recombined by two forces 'Neikos' which is Strife or conflict and 'Philia' which is Love "

Noah started drawing a circle on the sand and continued:" There was a time when the pure elements and the two powers co-existed in a condition of rest and inertness in the form of a sphere. The elements existed together in their purity through the uniting power of Love which predominated the sphere , while the separating power of Strife guarded the extreme edges of the sphere. But then something happened and changed the balance and strife took the upper hand and that caused the separation and mixture of the elements giving rise to the worldstructures and the world as we know today full of contrasts and oppositions, operated on by both Love and Strife " .” Empedocles believes that to the elements it came from Everything will return.Our bodies to earth,Our blood to water, heat to fire, and breath to air ".

"But what about our souls Noah ? ""They will return to their creator Elena ""So , you believe in God !! ""yes of course I do , God is from whom everything started and to him everything may return , God is the ultimate truth clothedin light " he said. I was surprised as I know that Noah's eyes didn't have any fears not even from God , so I asked :"You told me that you are a man with no fears , so if you are a believer how come you don't fear God ""God is to be loved Elena not feared "

I was satisfied with the answer and suggested that we go have breakfast at a nearby restaurant and he tells me more about Empedocles' theories . We went to the restaurant and Noah disliked how I don't add sweeteners to my tea and he advised me to try it with two spoons of honey and never to enjoy anything bitter,and that's how I drink my tea with two spoons of honey ever since . While eating Noah told me how Empedocles was a vegetarian as he believed in the transmigration of souls , that souls can be reincarnated between humans, animals and even plants and that the bodies of animals are the dwelling places of punished souls .- What is reincarnation ? - What is reincarnation ??- Well this is a complicated concept , but if I try to define it simply , then it's the belief that we don't live this life once but that we have lived it before .As Empedocles puts it "There is a double birth of what is mortal, and a double passing away"" Interesting , do you believe in reincarnation Noah "" I never did till the day I first saw you at the cafe and it was revealed to me that I must have met you in another life " I laughed so hard and said " You are not just a philosopher but a poet too " .

The next day I woke up from my sleep in the middle of the night . There is a belief that when you wake up suddenly from your sleep then there must have been someone thinking about you , and I was sure it was Noah.

9

I went to the beach as usual but I didn't find him and I started to wonder what could have happened to him and to worry what if I never saw him again. I still have lots of questions to ask and he has lots of answers to give . I don't know why for a fraction of a second I got this ominous thought ' What if Noah was never real . Was he an angel , a demon or another imaginary friend that I used to create in my moments of loneliness ' . However ,I disregarded this thought quickly and I decided to go have my espresso as usual and to come search for him at some other time .When I ordered my coffee , the waiter brought with it a note that he said someone had left for me earlier.

" Piazza duomo cathedral , 11 p.m , bring papers and a pen "

It was new year's eve and I cancelled my earlier plans to spend it with my neighbours . I arrived to the cathedral at the exact timeand their was Noah smiling at me but I noticed that there was something different about him that I couldn't clearly grasp"So ! Why have you brought me here "" You told me before that you want to be as fearless as I am , aren't you ??"" yes , please "" Elena write all your fears on the paper and also write all the fears that you have seen in people's eyes because they tend to leave a trace in your soul . Write all the fears even the trivial ones , and when you are done tear the paper. Know that all the fears are the pure creations of our own minds ".

I started writing " Fear it self , time ,death , illness , love ,insects ,rejection , apathy, crowded places , heights ,loss ,Guava , loneliness, poverty, black, oblivion , war ,fire , sacrifice , guilt , commitment , failure , enemies , sadness , future , past , tears , blindness , disability , cars , cats ,forever , snakes , ghosts , .....etc " I can't remember all what I wrote of course but I can remember that they were alot and that they weren't all mine . when I was over and I couldn't think of anything else I was going to tear the paper when Noah held my hand and stopped me, he said :

"wait till the moment when the last day of December joins the first day of January , so you kill your fears on the verge of two years with no certain date and that way they will be lost forever".

I smiled at him with admiration . There were around twenty minutes remaining till the moment Noah talked about ,so he just passed the time by telling me the history of the cathedral and how it's bell tower carries the biggest astronomical clock in the world and he also explained to me how each statue in the bell tower symbolised something as the lion symbolised strength, the rooster meant awakening , the two women who rang the bells each quarter hour were Diana and Clarenza -the goddessesof protection , and then there was the Madonna of the letter carrying the message of peace which was indicated by the dove flying above her head . The grim reaper symbolised death while the child, the soldier and the old man symbolised the passage of life , and finally seven chariots representing days of the week .

" Hurry Elena tear the paper now "I tore it to many pieces and let it fly with the wind the same moment the fire works started and people started singing new year's hymns :

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,That saved a wretch like me...I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see

T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fearAnd Grace, my fears relieved

How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed

I felt so happy and free , I turned around to face Noah and wish him a happy new year , but when our eyes met he closed his eyes for what seemed an eternity , and when he opened them I understood what was different about him that night:"What do you see in my eyes , Elena ?"

10

"Something that I have never seen before . I see a desire and a fear. A desire for me to stay with you and at the same time you are afraid from me ! why ?""yeah , I am afraid to lose you Elena because that will break my faith and my heart "" You don't have to , stay with me Noah"" No, you come with me Elena "" where ??"" To find the truth "

I went with him , we travelled the world and the seven seas , we met sagas , philosophers ,artists , priests , sheikhs ,politicians and Buddhists , we met all types of people . We read books and old manuscripts . I know that the most rational question would be whether we found anything or not . Yes , we did. Noah's courage and my mind reading and our years of search helped us bring the pieces of the puzzle together and we were able to reach the ultimate truth that gave logic to our existence . That was the exact day Noah passed to the other world and I was brought here .

Today a beautiful girl visited me , she told me " Anna , they say you don't know who you are , is it true ?!" I kissed her cheeks and said :" Don't believe everything you are told young lady , of course I know who I am . I am Elena the daughter of the Gods Zeus and Leda who helped your grandfather Noah build the ark that saved humanity ".

11

He was standing their by her bed holding the knife in his hands ..totally bewildered not knowing how to act or what to say as if all his thoughts and words ended with her last breath ......."

I have been trying to end my latest novel for over six months now , but I can't even add one more word after that previous line. I honestly have no idea how the character should react or live after he lost by his own hands his love and inspiration,what should he do? Wait a moment , that's it . I can't write because like him my thoughts and words vaniched with her ?

I Started writing my first novel twenty years ago when I first knew her and ever since I never wrote a single line without knowing what she thinks about it first . We used to sit for hours aftersunset brainstorming together .She always sat on the chair by the fire place wearing an off white dress with her long brown hair loose on her shoulders .The strange thing about her was that she helped me write all my stories without ever uttering a single word or changing her gaze. she always kept a half smile that doesn't express hapiness or sadness but rather comfort, and she always looked at me with deep concerned eyes and in her eyes I have traveled to faraway lands , travelled backward and forward in time . In her eyes I kept my memories, and achieved my dreams . In her eyes I searched for meaning , for thoughts and for words . I found my whole life within the depths of her eyes .

She was always there for me whenever I thought of her till six months ago when I messed up everything . I woke up one day and as I was rinsing my face infront of a mirror , I noticed a single white hair. I didn't really care about it , so I continued with my daily routine I made myself the morining coffee and went to the front yard to read the newspaper. while I was enjoing my coffee I contemplated my house and its architechture , it endured all those years but still kept its strength and beauty . This house held many generations of my family till I inherited it from my father and bearing in mind that I am the last living member of my family and that I am not young anymore I should be really concerned to whom it would go. How come I never thought of having a child but to have a child meant that I should marry and I never beared the idea of marriage without love.

She was always there for me whenever I thought of her till six months ago when I messed up everything . I woke up one day and as I was rinsing my face infront of a mirror , I noticed a single white hair. I didn't really care about it , so I continued with my daily routine I made myself the morining coffee and went to the front yard to read the newspaper. while I was enjoing my coffee I contemplated my house and its architechture , it endured all those years but still kept its strength and beauty . This house held many generations of my family till I inherited it from my father and bearing in mind that I am the last living member of my family and that I am not young anymore I should be really concerned to whom it would go. How come I never thought of having a child but to have a child meant that I should marry and I never beared the idea of marriage without love.

I lit a cigarette and went for a walk . The question I should ask myself now why I never loved . So many women would love the chance to love me I am goodlooking , rich and famous , and these privileges gave me the opportunity to meet many interesting women that any man would love to fall for but for me they were never good enough. There were always somethingmissing in them they were never either as beautiful , or smart as her . As well as I never met anyother woman who understoodme like her or with simillar eyes. I shivered for that thought , who said I never loved. I love her.

I had some errands to run , and people to meet that day but when I returned back home I sat watching sunset by the window but when it was dark I played some soft music , relaxed my back , closed my eyes and thought of her . when I opened them there she was sitting with grace infront of me . I smiled and looked her in the eyes , they said ask your questions and we will answer , but today my questions aren't about me or my stories , they are about the woman with those divine eyes .

I had so many questions to ask her ,but lets start by knowing her name . I now realize to what extent I am a selfish person for twenty years I never even cared to know her name . So , I took a deep breath and asked her what's your name , and for the firsttime in 20 years she smiled .

3

12

He was looking for an empty seat on the train , there were many but he preferred the one in front of the girl. he didn't know why ? but maybe because of the perfume she was wearing and smelled familiar.

"Hi" , but there was no reply as she was so involved in starring out of the window , and then for a whole hour she hasn't changed that pose. When he got bored & realized that a conversation with her seems to be impossible , he bought a newspaper and only one article caught his interest " The Deadly Silence " , as he liked how the journalist chose a poetic headline for an article about governmental corruption; and before even continuing the last paragraph ,he decided to look out of the window. But once he raised his eyes he met hers.

They were wide ,sleepy eyes with short eye lashes & not a single trace of make up and as for the colour he couldn't decide whether they were brown or gray . On the realization that he has been starring at her eyes for a really long time , he bashfully returned his gaze to the newspaper & pretended to continue reading although he was aware that every molecule of him was thinking about those eyes.

He gathered his courage and decided to talk to her maybe she too will enjoy a conversation to kill boredom in this hot, damp,suffocating second class compartment. So, he folded the journal and put it in his bag avoiding looking at her while he was taking out his expensive pack of chocolate flavoured cigars and the cheap lighter he quickly bought from the train station. While he was lighting his cigar a quote popped in his mind that he had read somewhere a couple of days earlier : " A cigarette is a fire at one end , with a fool at the other ". But he told himself ' this is a cigar not a cigarette so it's ok ' ,and at that moment a smile forced itself on his face ' Alas ! I've always hated that stupid smile' ...

Behind the smoke coming heavily out of his mouth , he managed to take another look at the girl not only to realize that she was gazing at him by those divine eyes but also that she was smiling :) He forgot all his earlier plans to talk to her and just enjoyed his cigar, the sunset and left his mind to wander at the fields outside analysing her smile .

It was a smile of someone who is neither old nor young ,who is not happy but also not sad , a smile that gives everything and nothing , that says I love you but I hate you too . Finally, I found someone with a smile more stupid than mine ' he thought . He took out of his pocket a paper and a pen and hardly found a place to note " Monday 10:00-10:30 , check the Monalisa "

When he was a kid he told his dad I'll be as famous as DaVinci and I ll have my paintings hanged in the Louvre as well. His dad laughed , hugged him and said : " You will be a famous cardiologist it's in your genes " . Although, back then he didn't understand what the words cardiologist or even Genes meant , he believed his dad. He always did, He was wondering how can he clearly remember that conversation from more than 20 years ago , what reminded him ?

AHH ! The Monalisa ,' Was that her name because it should be . That perplexing smile , the eyes that haunts you , even the way she put her hands. Has anybody ever noticed the Monalisa's hands , her left hand over her right in a way that tells "Come on , I've been waiting for too long " '

Her name, yes , should he ask about her name . He could begin by telling her that by the time they arrive , it will be raining and that he knew about it from his patient and he will introduce his name and the fact that he is a cardiologist , and then he will ask ' what about you , who are you ? '

4

13

NO , what if she doesn't know English , or prefers silence , or might think he is weird , haven't he read that the Monalisa's smile was 85% disdain & disgust from Davinci !

The train whistles !!He put back his cigars & the lighter in the bag . However, he couldn't see even one drop of water on the window he put on therain coat . He says 'Aurrevoir ' , but he notices that she haven't started to leave yet .“ Poor , her mind is so stray to notice that we reached our final destination ”So , he touched her hand but it was sooo cold.

Designed by:Mohamed Essam Edrees

noura.ahmed@nouraxt