Great Relationships Don’t Just HappenBy Mary Comm

Relationships are complicated. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has idiosyncrasies. Everyone has expectations. So how in the world are we supposed to have good relationships?

Great relationships don’t just happen. They take effort. Below is a list of several things to consider when building or looking for those relationships that will enhance your life.

1. Know what you want/need in a relationship. The first and most important way to build good relationships is to know what it is you want/need in a relationship and look for that in the people around you. If you are a Christian and you are looking for a friend, mentor, spouse, community group, or other close relationship, look for someone for whom being a Christian is also important. Build your inner circle with people who are like-minded and who will be iron sharpening iron in your life. (Proverbs 27:17)

2. Know your strengths and weaknesses. If you tend to fall for the handsome bad boy and that has backfired repeatedly in your past, avoid that type going forward. If you tend to fall in love too quickly, determine to go slow this time. Or if you tend to go along with the crowd, make sure the crowd you become a part of has the same standards when it comes to faith and morality.

3. Know what you want: the specifics. Make a list of the characteristics you are looking for in that relationship, be it a friendship, mentor, or spouse. List three to five top attributes that are most important to you. Set your priorities and stick to them.

4. Know what you don’t want. Also write out your non-negotiables. What are you not willing to deal with in this particular relationship? (Be realistic!) Jot those things down and keep the list where you can review it often.

5. Accept that no one is perfect. Go into this process with a grace mindset. As stated at the beginning of this article, everyone has baggage. No one is perfect. Offer the same grace you would want for your imperfections. Just make sure the imperfections you see don’t violate your non-negotiables.

6. Put yourself out there. Go to the places the people on your list are likely to hang out. Again, if you are a Christian, get involved at church or join a small group affiliated with your church. Be aware that not all church groups are the same; some are more focused on growing closer to Christ, others are more focused on being social and having fun. Look for the group that most closely fits your needs and begin building relationships there. Don’t get discouraged; you may have to search for a while before you find or click with the right group for you.

7. Be yourself. As you begin to put yourself out there, do so in a way that is sincere and authentic. Don’t try to be what this person or that group wants you to be. Be true to who you are. Only then will you attract people that appreciate you for who you are.

8. Be a friend. When looking for a friend or significant other, don’t simply look for the person who will meet your needs. Go into that relationship with a reciprocal mindset. Reciprocity is when both people in the relationship are giving of themselves to the other person. It is one of the key things that builds solid relationships and keeps them strong.

9. Be patient. Great relationships take time. Just like flowers in a garden need good soil, water, fertilizer, and sunshine, relationships need time and tending. Keep your expectations in check and be patient. Relax into your new relationships and look for opportunities to go deeper with people.

10. Pray. Above all else, pray before, during, and after you take these steps. Seek God’s will in all things, but especially in relationships. He knows what you need before you ask. He understands your needs and desires, and He understands you better than anyone! Trust Him to order your steps and to keep you mindful of dangers along the way as you seek to keep Him in the forefront of your search.

God has great things in store for you, but first and foremost you have to know Him, obey Him, and surrender to Him. You can trust Him. He’s got you, and He’s got your future!

Make today great!

Copyright Mary Comm 2015. All rights reserved.[Posted to blog: 6/10/15]