Getting Fathers Involved What Mothers Can Do

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  • 8/13/2019 Getting Fathers Involved What Mothers Can Do


    Getting Fathers Involved? ...what Mothers can do.

    Someone once said: "Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be adad." It is just not enough to ensure food on the table and a roof overhead.Fathers play an important part in the lives of their children. Theres more tobeing a father than just "fathering" the child.

    And like almost everything else! it often becomes the omans responsibility toensure that her husband is involved in the childrens lives# $ut before you getupset about the added chore! let me add that it%s not too bad a deal! because thepayoffs are great your husband can take some responsibility off your shoulders!

    share the ork&load and give you some breathing room. All you have to do is tohelp him see it positively#

    It is also true that having an involved and connected father is good for yourchildren. 'esearch shos a strong link beteen a fathers involvement in his

    childs life and the stability of that childs values! personality! and conduct.

    (hildren ith highly involved dads demonstrate greater cognitive abilities!increased empathy! more self&control! and less se)&stereotyped beliefs.Additionally! they are more likely to have stable marriages later in life.

    *hile the task of getting your husband involved in your childs life seems fairlyeasy! there are some camouflaged barriers that you need to atch out for. Apartfrom the obvious barriers of lack of time and ork demands +hich can beovercome using skills of ork&life balance and time management, is the one inyour husbands mind "parenting is a omans job". To overcome this you illneed to convince him of the advantages of spending time ith the children! andthe positive impact on the childrens self&esteem and future.

    The other hurdle is the one in your mind -he just cant do it right! so hy bother#

    This is often the most difficult hurdle to cross you need to convince yourself thateven if he does things differently and takes over&an&hour only to bathe your little

    one its time orth spending because of all that your child ill gain from it. Theone&hour of fun! frolic and bonding ith ad could become the high point of your

    childs eek and it gives you one&hole hour all by yourself# Think about it#

    Making it work

    Assuming I have managed to convince you to try it out lets look at some practicalstrategies to do so +and even if you arent fully convinced yet! perhaps you cantry it out and see the benefits yourself/ After all! seeing is believing#,

    Simple ways to show love.A lot of fathers only spend money and buy gifts to

    sho their love. Instead ask your husband to sho his love through his actions!spending time ith children! playing games! building things! orking on projectstogether! even hugging the children and saying "I love you". Actions do speaklouder than ords0 and touch speaks the loudest#

    Make it a habit.Ask your husband to pick a task and allo him to do iteveryday. For e)ample! aking up the children every morning and putting themto bed every night. This ay! he ill get to do something for them everyday androutines are comforting for the children as ell as for your husband#

    o remember though! that the task should be picked out only after discussionith your husband. 1r better still! ask him to "help" you out! this ay he ill not

    feel ordered around and be more illing to assist.It is also important that once he agrees! he is left alone to do it the ay he

    ants. 2ou cant have him do it! and have it done your ay# And nothing killse)citement and motivation like nagging does. So remind him and then leave him

  • 8/13/2019 Getting Fathers Involved What Mothers Can Do


    alone. And if he chooses to help them dress up! dont orry if the orange socksclash horribly ith the pink outfit#

    Make it fun.If it isnt fun! it ont ork. 3elp your husband make it a fun task!fun time for both your children and your husband. It is easier if you pick tasksthat are inherently more fun! at least in the beginning. 1nce your husband and

    children are comfortable ith the increased involvement he can graduate on tomore serious tasks. $athing the children! reading the bedtime stories etc. aregood for novices. 1nce both your husband and children are used to the greaterinvolvement he can help them out ith homeork.

    Time away from you.4nsure that your husband and children spend some timeith each other! aay from you. It ill be good for them to bond and relate itheach other! ithout your supervision# 4ven if it is a short drive or a trip to the

    park! let them have some fun alone together.

    ook for positives.Although these may not be very easily visible! and at least

    not in the beginning! remind yourself to keep looking for positives! no matter hosmall they seem. There is a lot you +and your family, stand to lose! just because

    of an uninvolved parent. And remember the bond shared beteen the father andthe child holds much more value than the mere completion of the task.

    !elebrate ill do things differently from 5oms and thats thebeauty of it# (an you think of differences that you can no look back on and feel

    blessed/ As a little girl 6avya! had the hardest time trying to e)plain to her ade)actly ho she anted her hair plaited! it as e)asperating and she used toonder hy her 5om couldn%t do it! but those ere the moments hich set thefoundation for the strong relationship 6avya later shared ith her ad. She aslucky to have had plenty of those moments ill your little ones be as lucky/

    If you ould like to discuss a parenting or any other concern! our

    counsellorsould be glad to help.