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Growing up, Juan Oliv-eras had plenty of teasingabout his name. TheNorthport resident says,“Too often I would hear. . . ‘hey, there’s Juan 2, 3’or ‘here comes Juan in aMillion’ and sometimes‘it’s the Juan and only.’ Sowhen I became an ob-sessed runner I thoughtthis plate would be apro-pos.”

BY ERIN GEISMARSpecial to Newsday

Jeff Yalden is a self-de-scribed “fat, 40-year-oldbald dude,” and the motiva-tional speaker has no

qualms about shouting that asloud as possible from highschool stages around the coun-try.

He runs around in rippedjeans and Harley-DavidsonT-shirts. He’s got piercings inboth ears, tattoos coveringeach arm and a long, scragglygoatee.

“You’re looking at me, andyou’re saying, ‘You’re the guymy parents tell me not to talkto,’ ” he told students at Shore-ham-Wading River High Schoolin April. “I understand.”

The students laugh when hemakes jokes. They’re quietwhen he’s serious. They’reamazed when he recalls storiesabout chopping down hisdaughter’s bedroom door witha chain saw to prove a point.

Most importantly, they seemto understand what he wantsthem to understand: No matterhow difficult life gets, its re-wards are within reach.

After speaking at a Michiganhigh school in 2004, Yalden,who is actually 42 and grew upin Port Jefferson, received anunsigned email from a studentthere. She was moved byYalden’s speech, especiallyone major point: “Suicide is apermanent solution to a tempo-

Jeff Yalden, who grew up in Port Jefferson, speaks about dealing with hard knocks and reaching forlife’s rewards. He brought his message to Shoreham Wading River High School, above, this spring.

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The unlikelyCreative License

life coachIf you have a creative license,send us a note about whatinspired it, along with a photoof the plate, and maybe we’lluse it in an upcoming LI Life.Email your name, phonenumber, hometown and phototo iris.quigley@newsday.comor mail them to Iris Quigley,Library, Newsday, 235Pinelawn Rd., Melville, NY11747-4250.

A tough guyshares hislife lessonsto motivateteenagers

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rary problem.”The writer had been consid-

ering taking her life. Schoolofficials tracked down thestudent — Erin Dush, who was15 at the time. She willinglywent into counseling and nowcounts Yalden as a friend.

“He was the only one I hadtold anything like that to,” saidDush, now 24. “He has theunique talent of being able toconnect with a lot of people.”

Talking at teen levelYalden has been working

with teenagers for 20 years asa motivational speaker and alife coach. He said he hasabout 150 engagements a year.In 2005 he was a life coach onan episode of MTV’s “Made,”which aims to motivate teensto achieve an extreme goal bygiving them help from an adultwho’s literally been there anddone that.

Shari Santoriello, presidentof the Shoreham-Wading RiverParent Teacher Student Associ-ation, said she chose Yalden tospeak there because he hadrave reviews.

“His whole look is just ap-pealing,” she said. “And hisapproach — he’s not talkingdown to them, he’s talking attheir level.”

Standing outside the auditori-um after Yalden’s presenta-tion, senior Kristen Suarez, 17,of Wading River, had tears inher eyes.

“I think he was the best speak-

er we’ve ever had,” she said.“Everyone was really listening.He’s been through things, andhis stories are really real.”

Yalden lives in Cape Codnow. But when he was growingup on Long Island, he said, heplayed sports with the kids onhis street, everyone in townknew his family and he “didn’thave to try to fit in.”

Life changed when his fami-ly moved to New Hampshireduring his junior year of highschool.

“All of a sudden I had to findout who I was in this newenvironment,” he said. “I wentthrough a major depression.”

He said he felt like an out-cast, did poorly in school andthat family problems he was

oblivious to as a child becameobvious. He was hospitalizedwhen he was 17 after his fatherfound him in the middle of thenight with a gun. By the timehe was 23, Yalden had fatheredtwo children, gotten marriedand divorced.

A few years later, Yaldensaid, his ex-wife remarried andasked him to give up parental

rights to his daughters so hernew husband could adoptthem. Yalden said it was oneof the hardest decisions he’sever made.

Tim Hodsdon, of NewHampshire, a friend ofYalden’s since that time, said itwas a dark period in Yalden’slife that affected him deeply.

He said looking at Yaldennow — he’s happily remarried,has rekindled a relationshipwith his daughters and has asuccessful career — he’smoved by the change.

“Back then, when thingswere bad, Jeff would go downso hard and so fast,” he said.“To see him speak now, I can’tbelieve it’s the same guy.”

Lessons from the MarinesAfter his first daughter was

born, Yalden joined the Ma-rines. He liked the disciplineand the routine, and he learnedmany of the tools he nowteaches: how to focus on goals,control your attitude andrecognize your strengths.

Yalden found his passionfor working with teens whenhe was stationed in Floridaand was asked to speak to alocal school’s ROTC group.When Yalden was honorablydischarged after four years inthe service — the circum-stances of which is anotherstory he shares with students— he moved back to NewHampshire and got a job as apermanent substitute teacherand a coach. He once againfound himself in a position tohelp young students over-come their obstacles andbelieve in themselves, andYalden transitioned that skillinto a career one speakingengagement at a time.

Alyssa Carrera, 25, audi-tioned for MTV’s “Made”when she was a high schoolsenior in Minnesota. On theshow Carrera set her sightson being a stand-up comic,and Yalden helped her earn ascholarship to a comedyschool in Chicago.

Carrera didn’t stick withcomedy, but she said Yaldenwas the best part of theMTV experience and thatthey still keep in touch.

Yalden said he feels hon-ored to do what he does, andlucky, because he’s just asinspired by the people he’smet as they are by him.

“I’ve met kids who havebeen through a lot worsethan I’ve been,” he said. “Butit’s my responsibility to takethe wisdom and experience Ihave and give that to them.That’s why I’m effective —I’m edgy, I’m real and I makesense to them.”

The advice Yalden dispens-es comes from personal, andpainful, experience, which hedoesn’t mind sharing with oth-ers.! Take time to think.

Yalden talks about rash re-actions he’s had to situationsin his life and says he regretsnot thinking things through.Taking time each day to re-flect and analyze is a worth-while habit to form, he says.! Suicide is a permanent so-lution to a temporary prob-lem.

Yalden was hospitalizedfor suicidal behavior at theage of 17 and again at 22.While he was serving in themilitary, one of his subordi-nates committed suicide infront of him.

! Is your life meaningful, ful-filling and rewarding?

Yalden says if you can’t an-swer these questions, youdon’t have enough goals.! Lose the expectations,focus on the objectives.

Worrying about what youhave, what your family has,what your life is “supposed”to be like is a slippery slope.Yalden says setting goals is aconstructive and proactive ap-proach to life.

WORDSTO LIVE BY

Yalden, chatting with Haylie Kinsler in Shoreham, has workedwith teens for 20 years and says he’s been honored to do it.

Students say Yalden really connects with them; here it’s with Kenny Rottkamp in Shoreham. Yalden says he passes on to kids thetools he learned in the Marine Corps, like learning to focus on goals, control your attitude and recognize your strengths.

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