Frustrations of a Muslim Convert

8/6/2019 Frustrations of a Muslim Convert

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FRUSTRATIONS OF A MUSLIM CONVERT

The miracle of the increasing number of converts is not only that people are finding the light ofIslam in an age of such darkness but that they are coming to the faith despite the actions ofsome of its believers.

IntroductionLack of InductionInternet - The good, the bad and the dangerous!Beware the Zealots!Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?"Muslim name" and attireRelationship with non-Muslim parentsSo-called "Islamic Causes"Final Thoughts

IntroductionI have been a Muslim for over two years now. Whilst I am deeply satisfied with Islam on anintellectual and theological level, much too often I have been far from happy in my

experiences with fellow Muslims on a practical level. I have faced considerable difficulties inmy attempts to develop as a Muslim. Although I have made the acquaintance of manyMuslims through various mosques I have attended, this has been overwhelmingly only on asuperficial level. I am close only to two Muslims in the city where I live. I met themcoincidentally. One is a neighbor, the other a former colleague whom I now rarely see.

Lack of InductionAlthough I have a good understanding of the basic theology of Islam and Islamic history, twoyears after my conversion I am to some extent still struggling with the practical daily basics.According to a hadith,"The search for knowledge is an obligation laid on every Muslim."(IbnMajah, Baihaqi). A convert needs to search for more knowledge than a born Muslim who hashad a lifetime of schooling in the faith. In my personal experience, it seems that establishedMuslims make at best only a token effort to assist new Muslims in fulfilling their religiousobligations.

To my profound disappointment, as far as my Islamic education is concerned, I have been leftto fend for myself. It would seem that no mosque I have visited has a systematic inductionprogram for new converts. The mosques in my area are all dominated by south Asianimmigrants, with a sprinkling of Africans on Fridays. They are not attuned to the needs ofindigenous converts. In fairness, I seem to be the only white person (i.e. convert) at themosques I attend, so they may not perceive a need. But nevertheless, I live in a major citywith a significant Muslim population and many mosques. Surely there must be somewherewhere a new Muslim adult can receive training in the practical daily basics. Surely theestablished Muslim community should know where to refer the convert even if they are notsuitably geared up themselves at the local mosque.

The Catholic Church has a thorough practical and theological induction program that is actually

compulsory for people who wish to join it. The Anglican Church actively advertises its AlphaCourse to attract and teach new converts. We Muslims seem to have nothing organized.

When it comes to lack of both meaningful social welcome and organized teaching of Islam fornew Muslims, American convert, teacher and writer, Yahiha Emerick, hits the nail on the headin his article Ten Things Every Muslim Must Do. At number six on his list, he says:

If you see any new Muslims at your Masjid (mosque), then partially "adopt" them into yourfamily. The convert experience is basically one of isolation and loneliness. You'd be surprised
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to know that most converts are outright ignored by the people in the Masjid. Beyond a fewpleasantries and handshakes, they are usually never made to feel welcome or accepted. Theyare often cut off from their non-Muslim friends and relatives so they are doubly vulnerable. Anew convert should be invited into various people's home for dinner a minimum of six times amonth. Get together with others and make sure you all put the new convert on your guest listfor any sort of gathering. Top

[To find our more about induction programs now offered in both the UK and Singapore clickhere]

Internet - the good, the bad and the dangerous!Since my conversion to Islam I have had some horrible experiences with Muslims both on theInternet and face to face. I briefly mention these experiences here as a warning to other newMuslims. The Internet can be a wonderful place for learning about Islam. In fact, since myconversion, the Internet has been my primary source of materials with which to educatemyself further about Islam. There are many excellent sites, but I would caution the newMuslim not to accept the information on all sites blindly, particularly if they have an arrogant,strident or unpleasant tone or stray from plain facts and concentrate on controversial opinionor on an overtly political agenda.

I would also urge new Muslims to avoid email forums or chat rooms about Islam absolutely.There are some nasty people lurking there - self-styled pseudo scholars preaching hellfire,doling out personal abuse and decrying sincere Muslims as non-believers. I was left utterlydemoralized at one time and very, very angry on several occasions. I have now unsubscribedfrom all such forums. New Muslims should keep in mind the Hadith: "Verily, Allah is mild andis fond of mildness, and He gives tothe mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim) If a website or e-group you comeacross is far removed from the above, then remove yourself from it!

There are also nice, well-meaning people who offer advice about matters of faith and practicewithout being in any way qualified to do so. If they get things wrong, they could unwittingly beleading the uninitiated astray and doing more harm than good. Be wary of accepting anythingwithout a quotation from the Quran or authenticated hadith to back it up.

Having said that, if it is one of the nasty brigade who has come seemingly armed withreferences, firstly check the actual quotation in your Quran. Have they really only quoted whatis there or have they embellished it with their own interpretation? It happens. And, if thequotation is genuine but sounds harsh to your ears, then use a commentary to become awareof the context in which the verse was revealed. Read widely. For every hard-line, unpleasantinterpretation, there is usually a mild one from a serious writer or scholar. Top

Beware the Zealots!Some real-life encounters can also be disconcerting. Whilst I have enjoyed an excellentrapport with some converts, the proverbial "zeal of the converted" can overflow in others.Some can turn into hard-line absolutists - a caricature of a Muslim. Also beware the politicalzealots. Recently while in London I had to endure a sermon at Jumma salat (Friday afternooncongregational prayers) held at a university in which the student acting as imam was very

obviously pushing the agenda of a radical minority political grouping and spoke at lengthabout whom it was our duty to kill!

Sadly far too many young Muslim men in England - the occasional convert and, particularly,the sons of Asian immigrants - get far too worked up about this or that political agenda andare in danger of overlooking the peaceful, spiritual core of Islam. As the writer Abdal-HakimMurad puts it in his excellent essay British and Muslim, unsettled, discontented secondgeneration Asian immigrant Muslims in Britain tend to locate their radicalism not primarily in aspiritual, but in social and political rejection of the oppressive order around them. Theirunsettled and agitated mood is not always congenial to the recent convert, who may, despite
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the cultural distance, feel more comfortable with the first rather than the second generation ofmigrants, preferring their God-centered religion to what is often the troubled, identity-seekingIslam of the young.

Amen to that! These young radicals are prone to behave in the most obnoxious and nastymanner towards those other Muslims who do not agree with them. I would simply call thefollowing words from the Quran and ahadith to their attention:

"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue withthem in ways that are best and most gracious; for your Lord knows best who havestrayed from His Path, and who are truly guided."Quran 16:125

"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and goodrelations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."(Muslims & Bukhari) Top

Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?Whilst I have enjoyed many conversations about Islam in mixed male-female company(including with ladies who wear hijab), a small but vociferous minority of female born MuslimsI have encountered have been very stand-offish and overly prudish. Despite the fact that theQuran teaches us that

"The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other."

My own understanding is that what is improper is for one man and one woman to be alonetogether, but there should not be a problem about other mixing provided that proper Islamicbehavior is maintained. I, a man, would never even have had the opportunity to discoverIslam in the first instance were it not for friendships with several born Muslims (three of whomwere women) prompting me to investigate the religion.

According to the prominent Sudanese Muslim scholar and leader, Dr. Hassan al-Turabi who is

widely portrayed in the west as an Islamic fundamentalist, in his seminal 1973 work On thePosition of Women in Islam and in Islamic Society'

"In the model society of Islam, Muslims used to assemble freely and frequently; they weremostly acquainted with each other, men and women; they conversed and interactedintensively. But all those activities, were undertaken in a spirit of innocence and in the contextof a virtuous society...Islam tolerates that one may greet women or talk to them in decent andchaste language and with good intent. The Prophet used to do so." Top

"Muslim Name" and Attire?Another gripe I have is the ignorance of many born Muslims about what they believe to be thenecessity for a convert to adopt a so-called Muslim name. When I took my Shahada, I wasasked not whether I wished to choose a "Muslim name" but what name I wished to adopt. Not

knowing any better at the time, I did reluctantly choose a new name, and used it briefly inMuslim circles. However, I did not change any of my official documents. Only later did Idiscover that there is, in principle, no requirement whatsoever to change one's name. Theoriginal converts to Islam at the time of Prophet Mohammed usually kept the Arabic namethey always had. The only exceptions were people who had a name with unpleasant or paganconnotations. So-called "Muslim names" are, in the main, simply Arabic ones or traditionalnames from countries that were early adopters of Islam. There is no requirement for a newMuslim to adopt one of these.
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While I respect (though do not necessarily agree with) the choice of those Muslim convertswho have adopted a new name, I expect all Muslims to respect the right of other convertssuch as myself to retain their original name. I generally now use my "real" name, not the"Muslim name" that was initially thrust upon me. Sadly I have come under pressure fromsome ignorant born Muslims on this matter.

To be frank, I feel that adopting a "Muslim name", makes it easier for one's existing circle offamily and friends to dismiss one's conversion to Islam as an act of eccentricity which they canbrush off. By changing one's name and starting to wear, say, Pakistani clothing, one confirmsin their minds the foreignness or alien nature of what is supposed to be universal Islam. Ibelieve that these actions, or dare I say distractions, make it harder for most people fromnon-Muslim countries to identify with Islam, the welcoming and inclusive universal religionopen to all, and see how it could be relevant to their own lives.

The spiritually motivated western convert to Islam, whose Islam is centered on God notagitation, has a golden opportunity to depoliticize the widespread negative western perceptionof Islam and to diminish the impression that Islam is for strange, backward, sometimesfrightening foreigners - Arabs and Asians - but not for westerners. In my view, thisopportunity is thrown away or at the very least is hobbled by self-inflicted damage when awestern convert unnecessarily adopts a foreign name and clothing, thus only reinforcing the

preconceived notions and prejudices that non-Muslim fellow westerners tend to hold aboutIslam.Top

Relationship with non-Muslim parentsAgain with regard to the issue of a "Muslim name" and similar matters, I think it is alsoimportant to bear in mind here the teaching of Islam with regard to one's duty to family,particularly one's parents even if they are themselves non-Muslims.

Your Lord had decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you are kind toparents whether one or both of them attain old age in your lifetime. Say not to thema word of contempt or repel them but address them in terms of honor and out ofkindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord, bestow on them yourmercy, even as they cherished me in childhood".(Quran 17:23-24)

Indeed there was an occasion when Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) commanded a believer to carefor his non-Muslim parents rather than participate in Jihad (holy war).

Abdullah ibn Omar relates: "Once a person came to the Messenger of Allah and expressed hisdesire to participate in jihad in order to please Allah. The Holy Prophet asked him "Are yourparents alive?" The man said "Yes. Both are alive". The Holy Prophet said 'Then go and servethem well".(Bukhari and Muslim).

I felt that it was important that my parents who are both practicing Catholics should realizethat I was not rejecting them, my upbringing or most of the things they held dear. It wassimply that I had come to a new understanding of theology. Rejecting the name they hadgiven me could really have been interpreted as being quite insulting to them, which in itselfwould be contrary to Islam. I am thinking here of the following ahadith:

"He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must pleasehis father and mother."(Bukhari & Muslim)
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In my case, I felt that abandoning for no good reason the very name given me by my lovingparents would have been straining the ties of relationship, creating displeasure and certainlynot indicative of showing kindness to or taking friendly care of my mother and father. Top

So-called "Islamic Causes"When I, a westerner and a former practicing Christian, became a Muslim, I became just that -

a Muslim, a believer in the religion of Islam, i.e. someone who believes in the oneness of Godas opposed to the concept of Trinity and who accepts Mohammed (pbuh) as a prophet of God.I'm the same person with the same name, wearing the same western style of clothing (thoughnow respecting the modest dress code of Islam) and eating the same style of food (thoughnow making sure that my meat is halal). I have not rejected my country, its culture ortradition. I simply now hold different theological beliefs.

Final ThoughtsBased on my personal experience, my advice either to new Muslims or anyone considering thepossibility of accepting Islam would be simply to judge a religion not by its adherents, many ofwhom may fall far short of the ideal in a variety of ways (and I include myself in that!), butrather by the theology and teachings of the religion itself. To be honest, I remain in Islam verymuch in spite of and not because of my experiences with Muslims. Only a handful have beenof any help to me and quite a few hard-line politicos and joyless, uptight puritans have been a

real hindrance. However, despite my great disappointment at both the lack of organizedsupport available to new Muslims and the widespread politically focused rather than God-centered Islam so prevalent today, plus my intense dislike of the nasty behavior and attitudesof some of the Muslims I have encountered in person and online, I have most definitely foundin the religion of Islam an intellectual and theological satisfaction that I never knew inChristianity. And at the end of the day, one's beliefs about God are what truly matters.

Allahu a`lam. God knows best.
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Frustrations of a Muslim Convert