6
BEAST- STALKS CAMPU S COLONEL SHRUM FIRE D With Enthusias m For Training Corp s t"I AM FIRED with enthusiasm over the way th e C .O.T .C . has been carrying on lately "Colonel G . M . Shrum told the Ubyssey Thursday . At the same time Colone l Shrum denied rumours that the Corps would be sent to Manchuria to quell an Impending evolution . "I am totally ignorant," the Col- onel asserted . "Of any move o f this nature . The Colonel branded recent tot- ters to the editor of the Vancouve r Daily Province, which charge d apathy on the part of Universit y students as being "rotten" to th e Corps . " 'So many students have rushe d to join up with the Corps that w e just don't know our own strengt h he emphasized . —photo by the late Bill Grand . Dr. Kayo Lamb : "1 think something has come over the library . " —photo by 13111 Grand . New Publications moguls, pictured here on the Job reporting a foot - ball game, are Archie Paton, left, new editor of the Ubyssey, and Lione l Salt, new Totem chieftain . Both are veterans of the Publications Board . s Once again the Pub Go d is a country boy who doesn ' t like swing . Fo r Archie Paton, who replace s Symphony-lover Jack Mar- geson from Trail, is a waltz - lover from hilliwack . The new chief, who next yea r enters his last year in Arts, arrived on the campus in the fall of 1939 and Immediately began his rise t o the top of the Publications ladder . Asslstant Editor, Editor of th e Tillicum, Sporta Editor—he's bee n each one . Nov Schmo z He had taken his Stnior Metric a t Chllliwack High School, where h a became the popular Editor of the "Tatter" and President of the Stu - dent Council . Once on the campus, he entere d into the full whirl of activities . In addition to his journalistic work , he participated In basketball, Ra- dio Society, and was elected Men' s Athletic Rep of the Junior Class . Because of his promotional ef- forts this year, he will probably be known in Pub annals a s "Chinky" or "Percolator", but no t if he can help it , For the next volume of th e Ubyssey, Archie plans to continu e the newt make-up adopted las t January and, if possible, even more pictures . "I strongly favour," he challeng- ed yesterday, "the continuation of Pub-Council game . But I inten d to keep it clean . " And so we have him . Straussy , Chinky, Sporty, and Curly . The Totem is now in th e hands of the Royalistsnext year's editor is a Baron . We refer to Lionel H. Salt , "Baron of Boogie", whos e lordly presence has haunte d the Pub for the past thre e years . At this moment, Lionel la haunt- ing !stead a ward at St . Joseph' s Hospital i Vitoria, where he is re- covering from n emergency opera- tion„ occasioned by an appendi- citis attack suffered while on th e boat to the island for the basket - ball game. Ka Pop ... .When he heard the news, he smiled up from his bed, broke of f his discussion with the nurse, an d offered, "Thanks, chums, 1'U do my beat ." To his associates on the Pub , such trite assurances are unneces- sary, because his work as sport s reporter, sports editor, news man- ager, and associate Totem editor , has proved him to be one of th e most versatile scribes ever to hi t the campus. This includes author - ship of startling book reviews fo r literary supplements which caus e riots around the library desk . Until he returns from his force d holiday, It is impossible to know of his plans or staff for the 194 2 Totem . Nevertheless, you can be assured of something startling . Lionel Herbie Salt is destined for the newspaper business, needless t o say . Only other ambition he eve r confided to us was "To go beetlin g down Granville Street at th e throttle of a B .C . Electric trolley . " Sc, you can see that the Totem offic will be no dull place next . Year . GOON Members of the Ubysey, the To- tem, the TIlilcum, the Directory , Lisetr Sinclair's staff ,and numer- ous Pub loungers wish to than k Caf Manager, Frank Underhill, fo r the weekly cases of free coke h e has supplied so cheerfully thi s year . Hordes of hungry Pubster s crammed the men's smokin g Room in Brock Hall at the annua l Pub Tea Wednesday afternoon . Frantic waitresses dived to salvag e tablecloths and chinaware as the starving mob, having cleaned u p crumpets, scenes, toast, jam, cake , cookies, and fruit sundaes, looked eagerly for more grub . Loking self-conscious and pri m at the head table slit retiring Edi- tor-in-Chief Jack Margeson, Edi- tor-In-Chief-Elect Archie Paton , News Manager Japet Walker, To- tem Editor Betty Quick, and guest of honour Stu Keate . All of these suckers made pretty speeches, ea- pecially Keate, who, however, was interesting . Archie Paton, or the new Edi- tor, presented Jack with a beauti- ful corsage of yellow daffodils , charmingly tied with a floatin g yellow ribbon, and also a 5c tige r which he hasn't yet paid for . Janet Walker presented Jac k Margesmr wtih two :ecorii•i to-! i t sponge Bath Pet . Burl Devlin pre- sented i3c'ty . uick with a cur - sage . The ex-E .-in-C . presente d Janet Walker, Betty Quick, Edn a Winram, Pierre Berton and Archi e Paton with gold (?) pins . In shor t it was wonderful . Everybody go t Ed . Note—It is with pride that The Ubysey marks "Exclusive " acres the tcp of this story . Agai n wet beat every other campus news - paper in bringing you this scoop . ) By W . HAMILTON JOHN Rabbits — millions of them will provide U.B .C . with funds t o rear mighty palaces of learning on the Point Grey campus and pro - vide the Caf with meat for year :; to come ! Dr. Joseph M . Keller gradua l worker in the Department of Ani- mal Husbandry, made publi : to - day esults he plans to publish i n the Journal cf Canadian Quintet - lies in the June issue . Dr . Keller will be remembere d by students as the recent inherito r of a surprise legacy of $50,000 . Rabbit s "The entire sum will be used to Quit s . . . tobacco habit. something, including the Circula- tion Manager, who got indigestio n after his 17th crumpet . Paton told Paton a joke abou t Haney (for copies see Point-Gre y News-Gazette) and there announ- ced promotions . Betty Quick i s News Manager, Jack McMillan en d Les Bewley are Senior Editors, an d Jack McKinley, the curly-haire d Phi Deft in Mary Ann's column, I s Sports Editor . Goon, Goon, Goo n Doris Fiimer-Bennett is Hand - book and Directory Editor, ten d Ubyssey Literary Editor . Luc y Berton, Marlon MacDonald, Mar g Reid and Jack Ferry are Associ- ate Editors . li' r'g.a uarvl is Pu b Secretary, and A:.eiStant Editor, and Wardroper is Exchange Edi- tor . Bob Menchiens is Circulatio n Manager . Assistant Sports Editors ar e Jack Mathieson and Chuck Clar- idge . In the absence of Lione l Salt, who incidentally is improv- ing, Totem promotiois were no t announced . But uder Li me : the Totem wil l be bigger and bolter, even if h e has to do it himself, an informe d source told the U'u'ssty yesterday . When we ley Silt is i e rproving , we mean in health not morals . buy a huge stock cf rabbits . A small sum will be set aside to pur- chase edibles . The Department o f Animal Husbandry will give it s cfficial blessing to the marriages , and will employ all Its arts t o con ::ummate the experiment," h e -said , Dr. Keller led me to the pe n where the gigantic experiment i s already tinder way . We wer e standing in the stiff clear breez e that fans the roof of the Scienc e Building, He took out a penci l as he leaned over the side of th e rabbit hutch which has alread y been placer(, there . "Haven't checked thorn since last night, " he confided, "o r rather I should say 'counted' be - cause nothing can check them . " Rabbits "That's 250," he said, crossin g out a large "51" from the nigh t before . The researcher paused to glance in the pen, then scratched out 25 0 and wrote in 350 , "By poducing these rabbits fo r sale to the universities of Nort h America we shall reap huge re - turns," he said, pausing to ru b out 350 and write 500 on the tally . "You see, from these" — h e paused — "1000-odd rabbits we in - tend to also a huge stock . Eve n if we flood the markat with rab- bits, the price should be suff i dent to return me my $50,000 an d provide the Univeeslt" with fund s to construct five new buildings o f approximately $200,000 dollar s value each . " "But Dr . Keller," I interposed , "what will you feed these" — I paused — "1700-odd rabbits?" , Rabbit s "We pion to feed our presen t stock on caviar," he said, "late r this may prove expensive• " Mr . George and I left the 200 0 rabbits happily feeding in their IN MEMORIA M The Ubyasey hesitates to inter - pose a serious note in this issue . The following message is printe d by special request . As many stu- dents as can do so should mee t faculty members at the Main en - trance to the Administratio n Building today at 12 :45 p .m . "This year we will again pa y tribute to the Class of '14 at th e n nual academic ceremony . Th e ashes will be scattered at th e Class of '29 stone seat on the law n before the Library . Copies of the Mr . Ridingdon's charcoal sketch - es will be distributed . Students of the senior years are especially asked to turn out . " L . S . KLINCK . Pankhurst s Stage Rio t On Campu s .. .incensed at their failure to see- tire a franchise In the recen t Arta elections, 50 co-eds last Frida y staged a demonstration in the quad . Breaking windows and tearin g ArtaMEN in choice pieces, the y paraded the campus screamin g "Down with the AMUS" an d "We're Arts underseads toot" In- terviewed by the Ubyssey, Sandy Nash, retiring AMUS proxy, admit- ted that women have asked t o attend, but denied that any Mt empted to force their way in, "Wh y should we let them vote?", h e laughed . "They don't even le t French girls vote . " However, Hildegarde Waddle an d Mary Stagg, leaders of the saddle - shoed Penkhursts, branded as un- fair the present system . "If th e Arts men continue to be so•un- reasonable, there'll be closer co - operation between WUS and SMU S and you know what that means " Habit s pen as we strolled over to loo k at the view . Then we strolled back again . "But Mr . George," I queried , "will there be enough students t o care for those"—I waved my han d toward the pen — "5000 robbits? " Rabbit s "That is not such a seriou s problem while there aer just 7200 " declared Mr . George, "out wher e can we find accommodation fo r them? " "Well, when you've only got 10, - 000 I can see—" I began, but Dr . Keller gripped my wrist in a vice of iron . At the same tim e I saw the sides of the pen strain , then burst in splinters . "Run like a hare!" he shoute d in my ear as thousands of th e furry beasts tumbled over th e roof spilling onto students below . RUN! RUN! THE RABBITS AR E COMING ! RUM BOOGIE ! Ubyssey Goes Graphi c Commencing this issue we present your NEW EASIER-TO-READ Ubyseey . Taking its model from inferior rags such as LIFE? LOAF? LOO K LISTEN and B-M, and the BOOZE--HERALD (for victor) The Ubysse y ! .resents special picture sections in this issue . This has several advantages : 1 . We can fir e half our reporters. 2. There is less to read . 3. There is less to write. 4. It gives us six pages and Morris can put in more ads . Everybody Has Goo d Time At Pub Tea Sciencemen Inven t Beast In Spare Time - . Terror struck the campus late Thursday when a hug e monstor escaped from the Science building and bounde d across the campus in mighty leaps, leaving a trail of devasta- tion in its wake . The beast, which is still at larg e In the Point Grey district, is bein g hounded by posses of police an d vigilantes, bloodhounds, whippe t tanks and biology professors . The monster was bred in a large bottle in the basement of the Science Building by rescas•c h workers Jonathon Sprout and Al- gernon Whlttimore who are bein g hailed by scientists and biologist s as modern genius. Klink, Klin k President L . S . Klinck took a different slant . "The time the Sc,eiicemon hav e gone too fee, ' li e cluevered as h e craw ( . 1 co( from under the nna- hugany .this in his o f fice . Sprout and Whittlmore had in - tended to publish their finding s in the Americar . Jounal of Scion- tific Research, but ufortunatel y this will be impossible as the two students were ken to shreds b y the beast es it made good its es - cape. "I think smoothing has come over the Library," said Dr . Kay o Lamb as the monster took th e building in one mighty leap . Screwing up his fast-wailin g courage, the indotninatable librar- ian leaned out of the library win- dow and tickled the monster on the sole of his font . . Dr . Lamb will be awarded the Victoria Cros s posthumously for this daring act . Coon, Coo n Two Ubyssey reporters wh o were puked out of the Brock Hal l by senior editors and assigned t o interview the beast have not ye t returned. Bill Grand, Ubyssey staff photo- grapher, who obtained the onl y existing photograph of the mon- ster, will be buried w,th full mili- tary honors on Saturday . No flash bulbs by request . At present the fiend is believe d to be searching for a mate in th e Union College vicinity . Biolo- gists are working frantically t o discover Sprout and Whittimore' s secret . Keller Gambles 50 Grand Legacy On Rabbit' s PUBLISHED TWICE WEEKLY BY THE PUBLICATIONS BOARD OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBI A VOL. XXIII. V ANCOUVER, B. C ., F RIDAY, MARCH 28, 1941 No, 40

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Page 1: For Training Corps - University of British Columbia · PDF fileFor Training Corps t ... is a country boy who doesn' t like swing. For Archie Paton, who replaces Symphony-lover Jack

BEAST- STALKSCAMPUS

COLONEL SHRUM FIRE DWith EnthusiasmFor Training Corpst♦ "I AM FIRED with enthusiasm over the way th e

C.O.T.C. has been carrying on lately "Colonel G . M .Shrum told the Ubyssey Thursday .

At the same time Colone lShrum denied rumours that theCorps would be sent to Manchuriato quell an Impending evolution .

"I am totally ignorant," the Col-onel asserted . "Of any move o fthis nature .

The Colonel branded recent tot-ters to the editor of the Vancouve rDaily Province, which charge dapathy on the part of Universitystudents as being "rotten" to th eCorps . "

'So many students have rushedto join up with the Corps that wejust don't know our own strengthhe emphasized .

—photo by the late Bill Grand .Dr. Kayo Lamb: "1 think something has come over the library . "

—photo by 13111 Grand .

New Publications moguls, pictured here on the Job reporting a foot-ball game, are Archie Paton, left, new editor of the Ubyssey, and LionelSalt, new Totem chieftain . Both are veterans of the Publications Board .

s

Once again the Pub Go dis a country boy who

doesn 't like swing. ForArchie Paton, who replace sSymphony-lover Jack Mar-geson from Trail, is a waltz-lover from hilliwack .

The new chief, who next yearenters his last year in Arts, arrivedon the campus in the fall of 1939and Immediately began his rise t othe top of the Publications ladder .Asslstant Editor, Editor of th eTillicum, Sporta Editor—he's beeneach one .

Nov SchmozHe had taken his Stnior Metric a tChllliwack High School, where habecame the popular Editor of the"Tatter" and President of the Stu -dent Council .

Once on the campus, he enteredinto the full whirl of activities .In addition to his journalistic work ,he participated In basketball, Ra-dio Society, and was elected Men' sAthletic Rep of the Junior Class .

Because of his promotional ef-forts this year, he will probablybe known in Pub annals as"Chinky" or "Percolator", but notif he can help it ,

For the next volume of theUbyssey, Archie plans to continu ethe newt make-up adopted las tJanuary and, if possible, evenmore pictures .

"I strongly favour," he challeng-ed yesterday, "the continuation ofPub-Council game. But I intendto keep it clean . "

And so we have him . Straussy ,Chinky, Sporty, and Curly .

The Totem is now in thehands of the Royalists—

next year's editor is a Baron .We refer to Lionel H. Salt ,"Baron of Boogie", whoselordly presence has haunte dthe Pub for the past threeyears .

At this moment, Lionel la haunt-ing !stead a ward at St . Joseph'sHospital i Vitoria, where he is re-covering from n emergency opera-tion„ occasioned by an appendi-citis attack suffered while on theboat to the island for the basket-ball game.

Ka Pop. . . .When he heard the news, hesmiled up from his bed, broke offhis discussion with the nurse, an doffered, "Thanks, chums, 1'U do mybeat ."

To his associates on the Pub ,such trite assurances are unneces-sary, because his work as sportsreporter, sports editor, news man-ager, and associate Totem editor ,has proved him to be one of th emost versatile scribes ever to hi tthe campus. This includes author -ship of startling book reviews forliterary supplements which causeriots around the library desk .

Until he returns from his forcedholiday, It is impossible to knowof his plans or staff for the 194 2Totem. Nevertheless, you can beassured of something startling .

Lionel Herbie Salt is destined forthe newspaper business, needless tosay . Only other ambition he eve rconfided to us was "To go beetlin gdown Granville Street at thethrottle of a B .C . Electric trolley ."Sc, you can see that the Totemoffic will be no dull place next .Year .

GOONMembers of the Ubysey, the To-

tem, the TIlilcum, the Directory ,Lisetr Sinclair's staff ,and numer-ous Pub loungers wish to than kCaf Manager, Frank Underhill, forthe weekly cases of free coke h ehas supplied so cheerfully thisyear .

Hordes of hungry Pubster scrammed the men's smokin g

Room in Brock Hall at the annualPub Tea Wednesday afternoon .Frantic waitresses dived to salvagetablecloths and chinaware as thestarving mob, having cleaned upcrumpets, scenes, toast, jam, cake ,cookies, and fruit sundaes, lookedeagerly for more grub .

Loking self-conscious and primat the head table slit retiring Edi-tor-in-Chief Jack Margeson, Edi-tor-In-Chief-Elect Archie Paton ,News Manager Japet Walker, To-tem Editor Betty Quick, and guestof honour Stu Keate . All of thesesuckers made pretty speeches, ea-pecially Keate, who, however, wasinteresting .

Archie Paton, or the new Edi-tor, presented Jack with a beauti-ful corsage of yellow daffodils,charmingly tied with a floatingyellow ribbon, and also a 5c tige rwhich he hasn't yet paid for .

Janet Walker presented JackMargesmr wtih two :ecorii•i to-! i t

sponge Bath Pet . Burl Devlin pre-sented i3c'ty . uick with a cur-sage. The ex-E .-in-C . presente dJanet Walker, Betty Quick, EdnaWinram, Pierre Berton and ArchiePaton with gold (?) pins . In shor tit was wonderful . Everybody got

Ed. Note—It is with pride thatThe Ubysey marks "Exclusive "acres the tcp of this story . Againwet beat every other campus news -paper in bringing you this scoop . )

By W. HAMILTON JOHN

Rabbits — millions of them —will provide U.B .C. with funds t orear mighty palaces of learning onthe Point Grey campus and pro -vide the Caf with meat for year :;to come !

Dr. Joseph M. Keller gradua lworker in the Department of Ani-mal Husbandry, made publi : to-day esults he plans to publish i nthe Journal cf Canadian Quintet-lies in the June issue .

Dr . Keller will be remembere dby students as the recent inherito rof a surprise legacy of $50,000 .

Rabbits"The entire sum will be used to

Quits

. . . tobacco habit.

something, including the Circula-tion Manager, who got indigestionafter his 17th crumpet .

Paton told Paton a joke aboutHaney (for copies see Point-Gre yNews-Gazette) and there announ-ced promotions . Betty Quick i sNews Manager, Jack McMillan en dLes Bewley are Senior Editors, an dJack McKinley, the curly-haire dPhi Deft in Mary Ann's column, I sSports Editor .

Goon, Goon, GoonDoris Fiimer-Bennett is Hand-

book and Directory Editor, ten dUbyssey Literary Editor . LucyBerton, Marlon MacDonald, Mar gReid and Jack Ferry are Associ-ate Editors . li' r'g.a uarvl is PubSecretary, and A:.eiStant Editor,and Wardroper is Exchange Edi-tor . Bob Menchiens is CirculationManager .

Assistant Sports Editors areJack Mathieson and Chuck Clar-idge . In the absence of Lione lSalt, who incidentally is improv-ing, Totem promotiois were notannounced .

But uder Li me: the Totem wil lbe bigger and bolter, even if h ehas to do it himself, an informe dsource told the U'u'ssty yesterday .

When we ley Silt is i erproving ,we mean in health not morals .

buy a huge stock cf rabbits. Asmall sum will be set aside to pur-chase edibles . The Department o fAnimal Husbandry will give it scfficial blessing to the marriages ,and will employ all Its arts tocon ::ummate the experiment," he

-said ,Dr. Keller led me to the pen

where the gigantic experiment i salready tinder way. We werestanding in the stiff clear breez ethat fans the roof of the ScienceBuilding, He took out a penci las he leaned over the side of th erabbit hutch which has alreadybeen placer(, there .

"Haven't checked thorn sincelast night, " he confided, "orrather I should say 'counted' be -cause nothing can check them . "

Rabbits"That's 250," he said, crossing

out a large "51" from the nigh tbefore .

The researcher paused to glance

in the pen, then scratched out 25 0and wrote in 350 ,

"By poducing these rabbits fo rsale to the universities of NorthAmerica we shall reap huge re -turns," he said, pausing to rubout 350 and write 500 on the tally .

"You see, from these" — hepaused — "1000-odd rabbits we in-tend to also a huge stock. Evenif we flood the markat with rab-bits, the price should be suff ident to return me my $50,000 an dprovide the Univeeslt" with fundsto construct five new buildings o fapproximately $200,000 dollar svalue each . "

"But Dr. Keller," I interposed ,"what will you feed these" — Ipaused — "1700-odd rabbits?" ,

Rabbits"We pion to feed our presen t

stock on caviar," he said, "late rthis may prove expensive• "

Mr . George and I left the 200 0rabbits happily feeding in their

IN MEMORIAMThe Ubyasey hesitates to inter-

pose a serious note in this issue .The following message is printedby special request . As many stu-dents as can do so should meetfaculty members at the Main en -trance to the Administratio nBuilding today at 12 :45 p .m .

"This year we will again pa ytribute to the Class of '14 at then nual academic ceremony . The

ashes will be scattered at theClass of '29 stone seat on the lawnbefore the Library . Copies of theMr . Ridingdon's charcoal sketch-es will be distributed . Studentsof the senior years are especiallyasked to turn out . "

L . S . KLINCK .

PankhurstsStage RiotOn Campu s•. . .incensed at their failure to see-

tire a franchise In the recentArta elections, 50 co-eds last Fridaystaged a demonstration in the quad .

Breaking windows and tearin gArtaMEN in choice pieces, theyparaded the campus screamin g"Down with the AMUS" and"We're Arts underseads toot" In-terviewed by the Ubyssey, SandyNash, retiring AMUS proxy, admit-ted that women have asked toattend, but denied that any Mt•empted to force their way in, "Whyshould we let them vote?", helaughed . "They don't even letFrench girls vote. "

However, Hildegarde Waddle andMary Stagg, leaders of the saddle-shoed Penkhursts, branded as un-fair the present system . "If theArts men continue to be so•un-reasonable, there'll be closer co-operation between WUS and SMUSand you know what that means "

Habits

pen as we strolled over to lookat the view. Then we strolledback again .

"But Mr. George," I queried ,"will there be enough students tocare for those"—I waved my handtoward the pen — "5000 robbits? "

Rabbits"That is not such a serious

problem while there aer just 7200 "declared Mr. George, "out wherecan we find accommodation forthem? "

"Well, when you've only got 10,-000 I can see—" I began, but Dr .Keller gripped my wrist in avice of iron. At the same tim eI saw the sides of the pen strain ,then burst in splinters .

"Run like a hare!" he shoutedin my ear as thousands of th efurry beasts tumbled over theroof spilling onto students below .

RUN! RUN! THE RABBITS ARECOMING !

RUM BOOGIE !

Ubyssey Goes GraphicCommencing this issue we present your NEW EASIER-TO-READ

Ubyseey .

Taking its model from inferior rags such as LIFE? LOAF? LOO KLISTEN and B-M, and the BOOZE--HERALD (for victor) The Ubysse y!.resents special picture sections in this issue.

This has several advantages : 1 . We can fire half our reporters.

2. There is less to read .

3. There is less to write.

4. It gives us six pages and Morris can put in more ads .

Everybody Has GoodTime At Pub Tea

Sciencemen InventBeast In Spare Time -. Terror struck the campus late Thursday when a huge

monstor escaped from the Science building and boundedacross the campus in mighty leaps, leaving a trail of devasta-tion in its wake .The beast, which is still at large

In the Point Grey district, is beinghounded by posses of police an dvigilantes, bloodhounds, whippe ttanks and biology professors .

The monster was bred in a largebottle in the basement of theScience Building by rescas•chworkers Jonathon Sprout and Al-gernon Whlttimore who are beinghailed by scientists and biologist sas modern genius.

Klink, KlinkPresident L. S . Klinck took a

different slant ."The time the Sc,eiicemon hav e

gone too fee, ' li e cluevered as hecraw ( . 1 co( from under the nna-hugany .this in his o f fice .

Sprout and Whittlmore had in -tended to publish their findingsin the Americar. Jounal of Scion-tific Research, but ufortunatel ythis will be impossible as the twostudents were ken to shreds bythe beast es it made good its es -cape.

"I think smoothing has comeover the Library," said Dr . KayoLamb as the monster took thebuilding in one mighty leap .

Screwing up his fast-wailin gcourage, the indotninatable librar-ian leaned out of the library win-dow and tickled the monster onthe sole of his font . . Dr . Lambwill be awarded the Victoria Crossposthumously for this daring act .

Coon, CoonTwo Ubyssey reporters wh o

were puked out of the Brock Hal lby senior editors and assigned t ointerview the beast have not ye treturned.

Bill Grand, Ubyssey staff photo-grapher, who obtained the onl yexisting photograph of the mon-ster, will be buried w,th full mili-tary honors on Saturday. Noflash bulbs by request.

At present the fiend is believedto be searching for a mate in theUnion College vicinity . Biolo-gists are working frantically t odiscover Sprout and Whittimore' ssecret .

Keller Gambles 50 Grand Legacy On Rabbit's

PUBLISHED TWICE WEEKLY BY THE PUBLICATIONS BOARD OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA

VOL. XXIII.

VANCOUVER, B. C., FRIDAY, MARCH 28, 1941

No, 40

Page 2: For Training Corps - University of British Columbia · PDF fileFor Training Corps t ... is a country boy who doesn' t like swing. For Archie Paton, who replaces Symphony-lover Jack

Page two

ROGUESGALLERY

Ignorant

THE UBYSSE Y

People Do This!

""How does It feel to be the lion of the party? ""It ' s lust like getting Sweet Caps from homer"

SWEET CAPORAL CIGARETTES"Thepstw#/ores Its which tobacco eats be smoked. "

Friday, March 28th, 1941

. , . of attempt to blow up Brock H .

Mourned

passes on .Popular Editor-in-Chief who thi sweek passed on out of the Publi -

cations Board .

Demands Recount

e In tennectlen with Its education eampalgn, th e

Ubyssey presents with pride a picture of Mu-

of Engineers, ('layers Clabbers "cod Pubsters wh ohave never seen the Interline of the building sincethey were shown through dur ing their first

dents at work in the Library . This Is for the benefit

Freshman week .b C * M

UNIVERSITY BOOK STOREHrs. : 9 a.m. to 5 p .m .; Saturdays 9 a.m . to noon

LOOSE LEAF NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE BOOKS AN DSCRIBBLERS

Al, REDUCED PRICES

Graphic Engineering Paper, Biology Paper ,Loose Leaf Refills, P'ountaln Pens and In kand Drawing Instruments.

• • Special Student Rate at • •CAPITOL - ORPHEUM - STRAND • DOMINION

By Presentation Of Your Student Pass

Gene Terneyin

""TOBACCO ROAD "

CAPITOL

Louis Hayward — JoanBennett in

"Song of Monte Cristo"Bob Crosby in

"LET'S MAKE MUSIC "

ORPHEUMGeorge Brent — Brend a

Marshal l"SOUTH OF SUEZ "

also"`Here Conies Happiness "

STRAND

Bette Davis in"THE LETTER"Robert Taylor in

"`FLIGHT COMMAND "

DOMINION

The Brylcreem habit make ssuccess a habit . a .

tr1)lA lady fair was never won

-By locks unruly .Successful men know why.

. . a Blots on the campus escutcheon

Ex-Champ

Neatness "above the ears "Is one sure wayTo the heart of a woman .BRYLCREEM . . .Makes stubborn hair behave .Imparts lustre to dull dry hair .Does away with dandruff.Fights falling hair and baldness .Bryicreem is the Empire's favourite .Over 18,000,000 tubes and jar sBought annually.So it must be good !Costs as little as 25c .For extra economy buyThe big 50c tube or jar .Money-back guarantee .

• Two prominent undergraduatesAlexander Oubriddle and Will

Uplinxsky, pictured above, showthe and result of improper campu swear . WIU didn't get his suit a tFlip Flop Tailors, and he feel in-decent. Alexander did, but hedoes anyway .

ReducedRail Faredfor students and teachersfor Easter vacation travel

One-way Fare and One-Quarter for Round Trip

between all stations i nCanada. Good in allclasses of accommodation

Minimum Fare, 25c

Good Going:

March 27th CoApril 15th

Return Limit : Leave destinationnot later than Midnight, May 2 .

Certificates may be obtaine ofrom registrar and should bepresented to Ticket Agent.

CANADIA NPASSENGE R

ASSOCIATIO NW41-234

. . . against student council.

Page 3: For Training Corps - University of British Columbia · PDF fileFor Training Corps t ... is a country boy who doesn' t like swing. For Archie Paton, who replaces Symphony-lover Jack

THE UBYSSEY

Page Three

Students Warned' Tha tTime Is Ripe For Party Aid

A BLUE-EYES BERTON FEATURE

It was reliably reported Wednesday that Now is theTime for all good men to come to the aid of the party .

onor Student Found Dying In LibraryFifteen Years With-Out A Stack Permi

Lost for fifteen years in the dark confines of the librarystacks, pale-faced and utterly exhausted, a middle-aged

man was yesterday assisted up to the main reading-roomand rushed by Exclusive Ambulance to a city hospital .

He was Richard M. S. Moor-house, classics honour student atthe University from 1923-28, who

ranged for his return .disappeared completely from sight

Pending Moorhouse'a recovery ,on February 23rd, 1928. Police

the details of the manner in whichand campus authorities eo-operated

he secured food remain unknown .in an intensive search for Moor-

It Is believed that he sustained onhouse upon receipt of Information

left-overe from lunches' left Infrom his mother that he had fall-

carrels.ed to return home that night . Hehad been given up for dead byrelatives and friends a year later.

Moorhouse was discovered byArthur Richardson„ fourth yearArts student, who had gone downto the gloomiest part of the stacksIn search of volumes DD328 an dDD327,

By BURMA SHAVESweeping changes in the present set-up at the UniversityLibrary were revealed today by Dr. W. Kaye Lamb In

a signed statement to the Ubyssey ,Dr. Iamb revealed that the en-

tire rear wall of the library wa sbeing torn out to allow for th enistallation of double-seater car. .rolls.

The action was the result of apetition signed by well over 100honour students who shouted "Le-bensraum" and demanded facilitie swhich would permit them to crowdtheir girl-friends into their car-rell.

"This will necessitate n seve nyear course at the University," Dr .Lamb said sheepishly as he probe dthe stacks with his flashlight .

Meanwhile Tobias H . Rumpl ewas severely penalized for attemp-ting to bring his aged mother wit hhim to his carrell .

"Are you a man or a miter ,Dr . Lamb demanded sternly ,

"My presence at Univare ;ty to -day would never have been pos-sible without the co-operation ofmy mother," Rumple asserted .

Something in the boy's honesteye appealed to kindly old Dr .Lamb. So he threw a dictionaryat him.

Dr. Lamb Is Sheepish . .Announces Tandem Carrell s

DR. KAYE LAM B. . , carrell sweetly carrell .

Dear Willie McCarter, who thinkshe arter,

Advertises for hire,When with sumbuddy's

you twiddle a garter(Hold a dance, chumps )

His special Pub,—Address wire—System— Rates disgustingly low .

ALma 0646L.

Have your thesis or essay swip-ed by a competent stenographer ,and save that time for reviews .Phone ALma 1293L, after six .

darter ,

Signed Statement"I was just reaching for DD32L"

he said, in a signed statement toUbyssey . "when my foot touchedsomething soft. Moorhouse washalf-lying against the stacks. Heseemed all done in. There werebooks . and sardine cans lying al laround him. I asked him what hewas doing here; but he didn't sayanything—he just stared up at me .Then I ran upstairs and got helpto bring him up . "

A touching scene was enacted a tthe hospital bed-side of the lostman. His aged mother, smilingthrough tears, wag clasping hernow-elderly son to her breast . Histhree sisters were holding hishands. At the foot of his cot,overcome with emotion, was thegirl who hadaworn herself tospinsterhood after Moorhouse waspresumed dead . After fifteenyears, she was unable to speake word.

Granted permission by his doctorto interview the patient, a Ubysseyreporter was present to hear Moor -house's amazing story . Ramblingand Incoherent, he gave the maindetails of his adventure betweensips of steaming broth .

"I just didn't hear the bell," hesaid. "I was digging into this work(ho patted the mass of notes onthe Syllogisms and Anachronismsin Oriental Literature on his lap)and I got Interested . It wasn' tbad down there," he added, wist-fully, "but it was lonesome some -times, le it time for my 930 yet? "

"1 Intend t return for my de-gree," he stated .

Enquiries at the Office of theRegistrar revealed that Moorhousewas listed as a brilliant student .A welcoming ceremony will be ar -

ParliamentaryForum Split

This extraordinary piece of in -formation was accidentally un-covered by a Ubyssey reporte rwho was writing a feature apolo-gizing for a previous feature onspring .

The reporter attempted ,to evad ethe piece of news when he saw itcoming, but It was too late. Itcrept up on him and he was stuc kwith it .

Although official confirmationhas not as yet been given, the evi-dence is fairly well substantiate dthat NOW Is the time for all goodmen to come to the aid of th eparty.

No details as to when the partywould be held have been released,but it Is expected of be sometimein the near future . More detaile dinformation will be announced Inan early edition of the Ubyssey .

Officials emphasize that al lMEN must come to the aid of theparty as soon as possible or it willnot be a success .

Council CommentAsked to comment on the amaz-

ing news, H. David Lumsden,council member, spoke as follows :"I really don't wish to may any -thing about it . It may possiblybe a good thing, and then It maypossibly be not such a good thing.But don't quota me right now asthe subject is a touchy one and w odon't want to get the Board ofGovernors mad ."

Lester Sugarman's comment wa sterfe and to the point .

"I think it's utter, ungratefu lfoolishness.' he declared .

GOO N

An Aggie, named G. P . L. Parish,In tones that are utterly garish—Boasts unheralded powersIn 'arrangements of flowersIn designs that might be terme d

rarlsh .If you love flowers at hom eLeave your name and your phone .

—In the Aggie Letter Rack,addressed to Parish .

President Klinck was not in, bu this secretary said It was not a mat-ter for him but to go and see theregistrar .

The registrar was not In, bu this assistant said it was not a mat-ter for him but to go and see thePresident .

We Got the StoryA the above information has no t

been pinted In the down tow npapers for eaveral days it is con-sidered a Scoop for the Ubyssey .

If Military Authorities read thi sIt is all a joke .

In conclusion all good men arereminded that now is the TIMEto come to the aid of the Party .

. . . by recen t

Wanteddevelopments .

‘1,101AE

t„f, Gams

OUR WI$H

FOR YOU

May your knowledge gained a tthis Institution take you overthe road of life as smoothly asa ROME lubricated car.

REMEMBER . . .

YOU CAN BUY NOBETTER

Nome Oil DistributorsLIMI D

The Independent 100%B,C. Company

"O wad some power the giftie gie us

to see oursels as ithers see us! "

A. P . OLE IF . A. ELLI .

Shrdl uEtaoi n

NO LONGER

• No longer will students whorun out of Ink In If plans now

under consideration mature . TheLibrary have to beg it from un-willing wiiends . Members of theink trough be placed In a promin-ent place in the Library . RedCross have received suggestionsthat a container for Red Crossnickels would be placed next toDr. Lamb, who is not expected toco-operate. The trough but the or-ganizers have not yet approached .The plan will not affect Science -men who seldom visit the Library .Instead, in order to get the Engin-eers' contributions, putting a bee rtrough in the Drafting 2 room ,Sponsors plan to place. They havenot yet approached Dean but heIs expected to co-operate with thenew plan. Finlayson about th escheme, In order to get his views .In addition the enthusiasts intendto fill a trough for Aggies . Waterfor horses that might be brough tin by

shrdluWe regret to announce that W E

IN THE PUB DO NOT KNOHWHEN THE BOOK EXCHANGEIS OPEN. To quote Pierre Berton ,"As far as ,'e suspect, it's opnonly between three and four a .m . ,and after ten p.m . "

(We always did think It was aracket anyway.) )

etaoinThe greatest debate of the sea-

son will take place at noon todaywhen the Honorable (?) KennethWardrooper 'and bobwhite defea ta spirited — team of law studentsin Aggie 100 Friday noon.

The Resolution will be: Resolved :that female clothes are totally In

#UNIFORMS

To Your Taste

Officers' uniforms must be made to the regulations set downby each branch of the service . However, this still gives you th e

opportunity of designating the quality of the tailoring . Discrimin•ating officers of the Navy, Army and Air Force instinctively tur n

to Tip Top Tailors for their uniforms . They know that Tip Toplavishes all its skill, care and knowledge on every uniform it pro-

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officer's uniform. The friendly advice of your nearest Tip Topstore is at your complete service .

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i row have the advantage of fine fabrics, individua ltailoring in the best of good taste.

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AGENTS:k--47th Avenue & Fraser St. A . N . AIHASHI—320 Mein Street J . McMASTER—Chilliwack, B . C ,OTT—1879 Commercial Drive Fr SALTER—Nainamo, B . C.

REX COX—Mission, B . C .

Pometheus, man's benefactor, brought down fireTo light a pipe of Picobac, his heart's desire.

• What is even Picobac without a light? Trul yit has a delicious aroma ! But you must smoke itto realize how good it tastes, how mild and cooland sweet. Buy some today and you will blessboth Prometheus and the sunny SouthernOntario fields for perfect enjoyment in the pickof Canada's Burley crop.

HANDY a1AL-TIGHT POUCH - t ge%-LB. OK-TOP" TIN - 65aalso packed in Pocket Tin s

"It DOES taste good in a pipe I"

giaatasunritr=sr=ttmirtrssars::sf-swrlrrsr— +r~rrrJ

Page 4: For Training Corps - University of British Columbia · PDF fileFor Training Corps t ... is a country boy who doesn' t like swing. For Archie Paton, who replaces Symphony-lover Jack

Page Your

THE UBYSSE Y

• From The Editor's Pen

Hic, Haec, Hoc

e

(MEMBER C,U.P.)Issued twice weekly by the Stu -dental Pubkwtion Board of theAlma Mater Society of the Univer -

sity of British Columbia .Onion Brook Hall.

Phone ALUM 1814Campus Subscriptions-$1 .50

Mall Subsa'iptlans--.2.00

Blame TheseCHIEF EDITOR-IN-CMEF-e

et-aNloto—Jolts e, GarrottEDITOR-IN-CHIEF-

In absentia—Arvid V. Baolumat"CARRYING" EDITOR

Betty QtdckEDITOR-IN-CHIEF-

Jack MargesonEDITOR-IN-CHIEF-

Janet WalkerEDITOR-IN-CHIEF=

Pierre BertonEDITOR-IN-CIBEF-

Rdna Wlnrnm2EDITOR-IN-CHBB7s

Archie Paton

~ Fruitsaladpat Watley

LEARN TO FARO• No sob stuff in this last column

of tte year.I don't want to hack out a sa d

farewell . This will Just be a happySNUNCHY goombi to all you goonsand frump.. I want you all toleave this University with a son gIn your hearts and FARO on yourUps.

Now, PIOGLE me your attentionwhile I tWU you how you too canlearn to farg with SAVOIR-SWUNK .

Reach out, if you can, beyond th enarsow confines of your mothertongue. Express your pent turmoi lof thoughts through the medium ofsome other language . You fal lmiserably .

How, mumbles the Insomlac, canI vent this labyrinth of though tthat Is reticulating my brain ?

By FARGINGI Start with asimple one.

BORPI That was easy, wasn't it?This time were going to do aharder one. SELF your vocabu-lary until you Ian see it SCUNGLEat the corners and VALGE alongthe edges.

Chew these delicious words,munch them till your mouth isrunning over with trickled o fTHURDLY thought. CLACK theGLEEKIT GAWKIE on the carllshCRABBIT.

Why not organize an inter-mura lFARO-CONTEST?

Explore new avenues of SNOG-GISH thought. The students onthis campus might get together I ngroups to organize HORGLE-FROLICS.

I'd like to see every man in thePlayer's' Club Increasing hisPRITCH-girth, the Aggies collect-ing STRITCHES, and StudentCouncil raising GIANT VUNCHES !

You'll find it's not only difficultto concoct a first-rate farg word ,It's downright DWARPISH !

I think really it all goes backto Beowulg whose epic I was re-reading the other day . I still thrillwhen I read about him settin goff In the atheling barge; and the nthere's Siegfried with his Volsungsand Niblungs and his title ofFAFNIR'S-BANE.

Und kommen ale In mein VOLK-S C H M U STURMINOGEMASS-CHENFUNKTE? ach, der gu tFARMEISTER !

It is a magnificent tradition ofsolid farging that has come downthrough the Anglo-Saxons andVikings as part of our English ,heritage . Tdo my mind it reache sa high point today In the name ofLord GORT

A final definition : Farging Is theadroit and CRISPINCT juxtaposi-tion of CREEP-like tones. Use itto title your surrealist paintings !And when you take a girl to theRoof, why not PLENCH her withliquor, and GORDLE a little snortof Scotch yourieif ?

And a warning: Never call apersonal friend a SNARD or adirty SLUNT. Every FARGAD-DICT should have a copy of theauthorized STUNCH, which I wil lmail on request in a PLAINSEALED GORF.

Lately, if ordinary words likeFROG and BUGE seam odd to you ,it's time to call someone from thePsychology Department .

So goes another academic year ,and now In true farg fashion, goodhunting and HORNSK !

GOONInvest your bux in my three -

piece tux, studs, shirt, collar andtie ; (1354) . If you',4 near 38, Ithink you will rate to do businesswith poor little I.

D. BAIN ,Atone 0110'R.

Albert Harnatead in his famous literar ytreatise "The Irascibility of atharthis" hasremarked on page 247 of the second bookthat "Only by a clear understanding ofthe motives concerned In the major eventsof the past several decades can we allowourselves the pleasure and luxury of ob-taining the necessary Information requisiteto the abstenance of all conceivable issuesbased on a party basis and substantiated b yIndividuals renowned for their clarity andperseverence . " Harstead's remark is born.out by the present trend of events no tonly in the world at large but also at thisUniversity .

Is it too much to expect that the statu squo be maintained by a few individualsnoted for their laissez-faire attitde? Wasit not Coquillon who shouted "Mort. auxvaches" that historic day in Paris? OrSextus who muttered "Va. Viotus" asPompeii crumbled? In these trying times,cliches, it is perhaps too much to expectany great degree of savoir-faire or comm.

Statistics, developed two or three yearsago revealed the startling fact that 20 out o fevery 50 students, This amazing fact wasfurther substantiated by later statistics justreleased which estimate that 34 out of every50 students . Statisticians, In -signed state-ments to the Ubyssy, predict that whithin 1 5years, it will be 42 out of every 50 students .

This is indeed a sad commendary onaffairs at this University and deserves theseverest censure. It is obvious, that theway things are going now within the nottoo far distant future statistics will reveal50 out of 50 students. THIS SITUATIONMUST NEVER BE ALLOWER TO OCCUR .Every conceivable attempt should be madeto stop it .

Mailbag ScrapingsQ. DEAR JABEZ ,Is it true that the C .O.T.C. strikes fear

into the hearts of all who see ?FATHER OF TWENTY .

A. DEAR PATRIOT,Of friend and foe alike . When we

walk by, children pause at play . Needlessto say, most of them never move again ,and have to be carried into the house b ydisgruntled parents, to be utilized later a slawn decorations and gargoyles .

The C.O.T.C . is one of the most mobileunits in Canada. This was demonstratedon a recent route march when two girls onbikes rode by the battalion. The Engineers ,in particular, where cited for their deter-mination to reach their objective, in spit eof heavy traffic .

It is also a little known fact that theC.O.T.C. is the first outfit known to havecombined breeches, duffle-bag, and pup -tent in one garment. We have manse inour pants .

Q. DEAR JACKASS: (Ed. note: That'. Jabes ,J-a-b-e-z )

Where do they dig up the morons whoscrawl on this good B.C. paper, and whatcan be done about it ?

LOVER OF LITERATURE.A. DEAR L. of L. ,Legend has it that, every year about thi s

time, the senior editors of the Ubyssey crawlaway into a dark corner to spawn the nextgeneration of cub reporters . They cover theeggs with Stubby bottles and old typewrite rribbons, and, sure enough, ugly, littlecreatures creep out the following autumn ,looking for their first assignments . Sincethe average senior editor is capable of lay-ing from three to four million eggs a year ,it is obvious that little can be done aboutit. Science is baffled. All we can do i sstep on the cub reporters as fast as theyemerge, and hope for the best .

Q. DEAR CUSTOMER ,Either you are returning our suit with

all three (3) pairs of pants AND the tootsl etoy auto racer premium by next Monday ,or we are coming and taking the gold outof your teeth, THE HARD WAY.

Cordially ,SCHLINK, SCHLINK, SCHLINK and O 'REILLY.

Ye Class-E Tailors .P.S . Do we look like suckers ?P.P.S. Don't answer that question ,A. How did that get in there?Q. DEAR JABEZ,

cola. j n the words of the old Chinese prov-erb ,and we give a fro. translation: "Whenthe Eucalyptus tree has withered, it istime to cut it down."

Where now are the potentialities sorequisite for a detailed examination of thecomposite forms of creditability which aresuch necessary criteria for a co-relation ofexisting phenomena? The answer is ofcourse an obvious one . No right thinkingindividual can deny this. The foregoing in-formaton can be further substantiated bya quick glance at ZollkoWs work on "Evi-dential Activation." On page 4883, undersub-section (k) Zollkoff records that, (andhere we preserve the actual words of thetext in order to convey the full significanceof the assertion) ; "Flonton si eaoarpo, nelerand the frestralium de wanto misers."It is useless to deny this ass. on. It isdown in black and white and can be clearlyascertained by the reader. In conclusionwe can only add: Nil Desperendum .

There is no use beating about the bushabout this sort of thing. It is far too bigan issue to be treated lightly. Every stu-dent must think carefully before a movela made. This is no tiros for idle bickering ,but for clear, cold calculations . Unless weare prepared to face facts, then we mustbe prepared to accept defeat. There is noother alternative.

Are we jellyfish? Are we going to sitback complacently and allow ourselves to bedowntrodden . Let the answer be no, no ,no a 1000 times no. We don't want tomake this sound like a Vancouver Sun edi-torial, but the time has come for action.Comrades, we must arise, and stamp outthis thing in our midst . Aw, come on fel-lows, for gawsh sakes. Yoh, you too.

Is it true what they say about theLibrary stacks, and if so, how soon can Iget down there? You don't know what thi smeans to me.

JUST A FRESHMAN.

A. DEAR JUST A FRESHMAN,Nothing ever goes on in the stacks tha t

I couldn't describe to my dear, old grand -mother.

I should add, perhaps, that the old batis as deaf as a post, and runs a clip joint onKingsway, (Hooligan's Hothouse — "Pret-zels Our Specialty".)

Seriously, though, things aren't the sameIn the Castle, since King John abdicated .Before he would even go into the stacks ,John would holler down the stairs:

"Here I come, ready or not"Thereby allowing plenty of time fo r

people to p'ut away their woo .Nowadays, there is only ten minute

parking behind the oversize books, and thetraffic is truly discouraging . There is noth-ing quite so irksome as to be hanging ou tthe line for a babe one second, and the nex tto be scooting down the aisle, hooked onto

the prow of a Librarian's truck .Dr. Lamb is now petitioned to equip

all members of the staff with extra squeak yshoes, and to instruct them to cough clearlyand distinctly before entering any stack.

Q. DEAR JABEZ,Last month my dog, Pancho, jumped up

and down stiff-legged, rolled his eyes, andfell over on his back like Katherine Hep-burn. He is still lying here on the rug, andwe are wondering whether it might beserious or whether we should humour him awhile longer. He is part Pekinese and partSt. Bernard, and is supposed to be quiterare.

JAKE.A. DEAR JAKE,There is just a chance that your do g

may be dead . I suggest that you \bring i nanother dog, and see what Pancho does. Ifhe doesn 't do it, then he 's dead .

Q. DEAR REFUGEE FROM A BUTTERFLYNET ,

(Ed. Note: I can 't understand ho' thisreached me so promptly )

Why don't you dry up? This Is ( not arhetorical question .

Serious Error

• The Piggery . . . byJackaz

SENSIiTfVE.A. DEAR SENSITIVE,I guess I can take a hint . It's mare fun

writing on examination boards, nay - ow .G 'bye, now .

• It's graduation week soon . . .and what would be a nicer

gift to suggest to your parentsfor you than a beautiful silver foxfur jacket from the New York FurCompany, 797 West Georgia . . ,luxurious and elegant, but at alrlce to suit your limited budget

. now that it's near the end ofthe term, pin plantings galore a -bound on the campus , . . two PhiDelta have lost theirs . . . one, atall, tawny haired giant, to a tall

black -haired Alpha Gam, and th eother, a smooth, dark Phl Dolt, toa cute, brownette sophomore . . .we wonder if the other contestant sare in the running . . . one ofthe biggest surprises to everyonein recent weeks is the popularPhi Kap who went to practicallyevery sorority formal, co-ed dancenurses' ball, normal school dances,there was, and has finally givenhis pin, for the first time, too,mind you, to Theta from Hawaii

. imagine yourself in an ador eable white lapin Jacket from theNew York Fur Company for th egraduation balls.

• "Success styles headed foratyledom" is the caption for

the newest, prettiest, most versatil espring frocks in the shy, at Plants,384 Granville Street . , . one littlered-headed mus sos miss arrivin ghome from a party one night withthe new president of the mare soc. . . was asked by her father th enext morning . . . I can't under.stand why It takes her so long tosay good-night, . . maybe someon ecould tell him . . . Plant's havedozens of gift suggestions for grad-uation . . , accessories make par-ticularly acceptable gifts for you rgraduating friend . . . and there'sno more thrilling occasion for agift than that "Day of days" an ddaze . . . one beautiful Stephenscollege miss over in Victoria, ou twith a brash freshman in theNewman Club, said, turning to hercompanion in the back seat . ."this guy sure knows his braille"

and we always thought tha tthe Americans were up on suchthings . . . the president of th efrosh class was pretty well smit-ten, along with the rest of hisgang, all helping along Canada's

war effort, or something by al lsending air mail letters the nex tday.♦ For those graduation day cor-

sages, order yours fromRitchie',, 840 Granville Street . .the extra special care taken withthe arranging is just what youwant for that special graduationday,, .notvery faroff . . .andthe graduation ball of course . . .have you heard that the lovlrpcouple . a tall, wavy haireddark Sciencetnan, and a freshettewith soulful eyes, a red plaid coa tand a dark cloud of hair . .have broken up . . . Imagine suchdevotion being no more . . . sincethis is Just about time for thetall curly haired Phi Dolt to goIn again, we've been trying har dto find some dope on him, but hissecret of Victoria has been wellkept by his friends and fellowconspirators of the hotel room . . .fun, eh . . . Ritchie's corsages arefamous for their delicate original .ity, that you'll notice anywhere,and the price will leave youenough to pay your grad fees,too . . . the retiring secretary ofthe A .M.S. has admitted that shehas given back her TJI pin, andis smitten with the charm. of acute gentleman in Brook Hall, wh owears a blue suit with gold but -tons . . . that's what happens whenwe moved the A .M .S. office overto Brock Hall .

V,fe If"W

Infernal

Triangle

Here again we have one of thosegodam stupid bangles that seemto have a fatal attraction for2831 stupid undergraduates .This one is not, sexy, dirty,or even ambiguous; yethundrods of repressed

and nasty i,ddeswill read it right

to theEnd.

e

Page 5: For Training Corps - University of British Columbia · PDF fileFor Training Corps t ... is a country boy who doesn' t like swing. For Archie Paton, who replaces Symphony-lover Jack

Friday, March 28th, 1941

THE UBYSSEY

Page Five

YoU FigGeR THiS OuT - We CaN'tF ^3i

••,•

b

C

f

„ixt_

GYM . . . Scene of Thunderbird Victories .

EVAN DAVIES. . . M.A.A. elect .

Queen's WireFor Corsages• Kingston, Ont . (C.U.P.) — That

the C.U.P. grapevine exertsCorsages from Toronto florists

helped boost the war effort at theannual Queen's University Art stremendous power, is shown byThe following story .

H. Jessie How,ILA.

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seeded to take the single crown,the doubles partnered with JeanMorrie and the mixed doubles withDave Wadden.

• • • •

(Continued from page 6 )ago I gave two cents to the RedCross ."

Gabriel : "That is correct. It isin the books "

St. Peter: "What else? "Answer: "That Is about all I

can think of at the moment . "St. Peter (to Gabriel) : "What

do you say, Gabriel? "Gabriel : "Oh, give him back hi s

nickel and tell him to go to hell . "

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The Handicap events will providesome of the top play of the tourna-ment. So far there Is a lack ofentries in the Women's and mixedhandicap events so these sectionswill be held open till next Mon-day .

All club members should gettheir names down now on entrysheets posted at the foot of the Cafstain.

All competitors in the tourna-ment must be out next Monday .

• The Greeks were at it againWednesday night.

Eleven fraternities turned out tocompete in the annual Inter-Fra-ternity basketball tournament, hel dWednesday night at 7 :30 In the

That's a nice dress you almosthave on!

r • • •

She has a figure like an hour -glass and she certainly makesevery minute count.

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Page 6: For Training Corps - University of British Columbia · PDF fileFor Training Corps t ... is a country boy who doesn' t like swing. For Archie Paton, who replaces Symphony-lover Jack

CanadianCamPlayoffsThe Tip-Off Which Started Final Cage Game

Varsity's thrilling 31 .27 will over Victoria Dominoes at Victoria lastFriday night gained them the B.C. Senior "A" Men's Basketbal l

championship.The five men In the above picture, who played the whole game, wer e

sparked by the brilliant play of Irish Pat Flynn and little Joe Ryan .The game was close throughout, Varsity managing to keep a slim

lead of one and two points until the final bell when Lefty Barton san ktwo free shots to put them fourpolnts up and bring he championshi p

* * * *

"TAO Os1aaIN Stan Pbetosisebsr,back to the University for the drat time In five yeah .

No since the days of the 'Gold Dust' twins, Art Willoughby and JimmyBardsley, has Maury Van Vllet turned out such a wonderful team. Withthe Canadian championships coming up in April, fans can look forwardto many exciting games.

From left to right in the above picture they are : Chuck Chapman, Ji mScott, Busher Jackson, Lfty Barton, referee George Siborne, Art Chapman ,Pa¢ Flynn, Victoria referee Mac Murchie, Norm Baker, Brud Matheson ,Ritchie Nicol and Joe Ryan .

* * *

Critics Scorn Downtown Scrib eBy JACK MATHIESON

iessionai fighter, without either Mr .

Professionals was not granted . "

Having reached the final page

Van Vliet's or Syme's knowledge .

The Army officials have realized

of this magnificent sheaf, dear

And yet everyone concerned, ex .

the danger of pitting an inexper -

reader, you must no doubt have

cept the Army officials in charge

fenced amateur against a pro

come to the conclusion that this a

ci the event and the C ;O .T,C .,

leather pusher, and have laid

'Goon' Issue. And in mentioning

knew that this pug had entered a

down their rules accordingly . Ser -

'Goons', we would like to refer

Vancouver ring less than a month

low; injury might have resulted to

you to a certain sports scribbler

previous to the Army tournament

a green scrapper but luckily Sym e

from down-town way, a Liverpool

a : a professional scrapper. The

has had enough experience to tak e

lad with a sneering, succulent sar-

press knew it and the promoter

care of himself .calm .

knew it . They knew this and yet

No doubt this writer was not i n

This misled manuscript mauler

concealed it.

full possession of the facts when

had a great deal to say about the

This columnist carefully explains

he turned out this blatant breeze .

recent Army boxing tournament,

that a boxer is not considered pro-

but we think that when a news

none of which is very complimen-

fessional by Army etandards unless

paperman attempts to run dow n

tary to anyone, and little of which

he Is actually making his living

a person respected in sportin g

contains the truth, It appears that

by fighting . This is not so! The

circles as much as the Athleti c

the afore-mentioned scribe became

regulations of the tournament read,

Director of this University is, he

rather huffy when Maury Van

and we quote: "Men who have

should at least give greater con-

Vllet protested the fact that one of

fought professionally cannot take

s:deration to the truth cf his state -

the C.O .T .C. boxers, Tommy Syme,

part in this tournament . Fermis-

menus before putting them into

was thrown in the ring with a pro-

alon to arrange Exhibitions with

print .

0 Charlie Hitchins, Varsity's soc-cer coach, is mighty riled thes e

day ::, and ustly so. His pride an doy, the Blue and Gold senio rsquad, were beaten with the heavyend of the club in last Wednes-days semi-final game of the Spald-ing Cup tie, when the opposingPro-Rec aggregation used fiveplayers who have been displayingtheir wares in the Saturday soccerleague .

The Varsity team lost the gam eby a score of 4 to 3 and deserve da victory on the afternoon 's play .This game will possibly be protest -ed. according to Ben Herd, flashyleft wing of the squad . In an ex-clusive interview last night, Her drevealed that the University out -

A - certain individual was en -d- . avo:ing to get Into heaven. Atthe pearly gates St . Peter andGabriel stopped him . The con-eersat :on went like this :

St . Peter : "What did you eve rdo to deserve admission to twe een? "

Answer : "Only last week I gavethree cents to a blind man . "

Gabriel : "That is correct, It i t

in the books . "St . Pater : "What else have you

got to your credit? "Answer : "Well, about a mont h

(Continued on Page 5 )

Varsity WillProtest Pro-Rec Victory

• •

fit turned in their best game ofthe season and, despite thepresence of the Intruding players ,Varsity were still the best teamon the field .

One C .O .T.C. boxer was titledin the! recent Arms+ boxing

tournament, as Austin Frith bat-tled his way to the crown in th elightweight division, defeating anArmy scrapper in the finals. Frithwas the only Varsity fighter towin a title although three Gol dand Blue battlers reached thefinals.

Tommy Syme lost a tough de-cision in the bantamweight clam,being deefated by Stoker Madden ,a navy scrapper of shady repute .The referee called Syme forpunching In the clinches, althoughMadden was holding throughoutthe tussle . Syme lost the decisionon this can, yet he won the firsttwo rounds easily . Doug Jacksontook the short end of a close de-cision In the flyweight division.

Frith CapturesLightw't Title

t NanaimArmy Camp TakeFinal To Island

"The Canadian basket -ball finals are not going

to be held on the campus ,Thus stated Pat Flynn ,

outstanding pivot man forthe Thunderbird cage team,as he sat in the caf yesterday .

"Because of the militarytraining," the truthful Flynnstated, "the playoffs for theCanadian championship willbe moved to the site of theUniversity military camp, a tNanaimo, '

Real facts on the announcementby the Irishman were later givenby the Canadian Basketball As -sedation representative on th ecampus, Stew McMorran, able red -headed business managar of th e

• Paton's Percolato rUBYSSEY SPORTS OFFIC E

March 28, 1041Dear Dominoes :0 Thanks for the wonderful time we had in Victoria last week-en d

at your expense. It was very good of you to let our Thunderbird sfinish their llttlg job of taking the Provincial Basketball Champion -ship Friday night so that we all had more time to celebrate .

In case you haven't heard, we really did celebrate. You know,we started right after the final gong by swarming onto the floor (al l78 of us) and staging one' of U.B .C .'s famous snake-parades around theWillows gym singing "Hail V .B .C." Those cultured Englishmen yourcity Is noted for really didn't bother us very much, although theytried their darndest to break up our little party. We took care ofthem, however, In true Varsity style when they followed us downtownby soundly thrashing the ring-leaders in the middle of the cornerat Fort and Douglas Streets.

Then our chain-gang wormed its hooting way through your maindrags, waking up all the sleeping citizens, until we found ourelve sin front of your magnificent Empress Hotel . And right here, boys ,we want to express our deepest appreciation for your thoughtfulnes sIn having over 700 gorgeous gals from Stephen College, Missouri, com eto visit your city the same week-end as we did. It was also swellof you to have them all stay in the Empress, because it was sohandy for us to stand down there on the street looking up at windowsfull of beautiful heads In night attire yelling Varsity cheers and"Ain't ya comin' out?" at the top of our fool heady .

The southern beauties responded very well, thank you, and al -though their chaperons didn't let them come down at that late hour ,they rendered us their own college songs in return for ours . Oh, yes,they gave us a great reception — why, one gal even threw a bucket o fwater (?) on our heads to wish us good-bye .

You have a fine asset in your Crystal Gardens, Dominoes, and wemade good use of it Saturday . In the morning a bunch of us wentswimming there and met some of the American lassies at close range.Those two killers on the cage court didn't do so bad at the pool ,either, Jim Scott and Sandy Hay grabbing two of the Missouri misse sand showing them the town .

Saturday night we painted your fair city red — but for furtherdetails you'd better contact some of the fellows who had blind date sfor the hop at the Crystal . We wouldn't know anything about that.

Incidentally, this Is our swan song, and next year when Varsitycomes over to lick you Dominoes, Jake McKinley will be in thedriver's seat on the Ubyssey Sport Page, the best in the paper.

See you at the cage finals in Nanalmo,.. . .ARCHIE PATON .

tries must have a signed 11st often honest citizens who'll verifyto their will power.

The contestants will be dividedInto two groups, naturally boys onone side and girls on the other.

Entries may be left at the pu bor with the genial referee of th econtest, Stew McMorran, Lastdate for entries will be set a tApril 1 . '

Winners will be judged by theirability of wooing. Thom that canwoo the loudest and longest willemerge the winners. So startpractising your wooing now, fel-lows .

Can you woo a girl or can't you ?

team said ."All that can be done has bee n

done about moving the series to.the Island. Personally I'd like togo Lack to Victoria. "

Details about the change havenot as yet been issued but wordfrom the east is expected any mo-ment .

Most of the team are in the agedraft class and will have to attendthe camp. Another point that isbothering many is the number ofhours that some of the team haveto make up. Thirty hours and up-wards is n lot of time doing fatigueduty .

In case anyone has read this farask the undoubtable Flynn wheth-er this is true or not .

Woo ContestSponsored BySports Staff

Can you woo a girl or can' tyou?

Flushed with the success of theChink Contest, the sponsors of thegame came out with the announce-ment today that a WOO contest ofthe hottest degree will soon star ton the campus.

Conestants for this Woo contes tneed only one requirement besidesthe entry fee of ten cents. All en-

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