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Family Life, Military Style
The Silent RanksI wear no uniform, no dress blues or army greens.
But I am among the military ranks rarely seen.
I have no rank upon my shoulder. Salutes I do not give.But the military is the world in which I live.
I’m not the one who fires the weapons, who puts my life on the line.But my job is just as tough, I’m the one that’s left behind.
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man, and the call to Serve his country, not everyone can understand.
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free.My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do my children and me.
I love the man I man I married. Soldering is life.But I stand among the silent ranks known as the military wife.
Author Unknown
Types of military service
• Active Duty – USA, USMC, USN, USAF, USCG• AGR - Active Guard/Reserve• NGB - National Guard• Reserves – USAR, USMCR, USNR, USAFR, USCGR
Types of veteransVeteran Combat Veteran
Impact of deployment
History has taught Reunions/Reintegrations are more stressful than separation
• People grow and change• Expectations are different• Experiences were different
Being part of the military requires 2 sets of skills
“Military Skills” are not always the same as “Civilian Skills”
• Service members– need both War Zone/Military and Civilian skills
• Family members – part of a military community while living among civilians
• Communities – Don’t always understand challenges faced by service members and
military families
• “Normal” behavior for a military family is often not understood by other family members, friends, co-workers or our communities.
Mission Oriented
Military
• Mission assigned-unrelated tasks are unimportant
• Decisions need to quick, clear, accurate
• No time for discussion
“one person talks - everyone listens”
Civilian
• Multi-tasking – can cause confusion
• Difficulty in cooperative decision making
• Frustration with others
“everyone talks - no one listens
Talking
Military• May be limited - need to
know • Can be little or no time to
talk about powerful events• Don’t want to be seen as
“weak”• Civilians don’t
understand/ask too many questions
Civilian• “Civilianeze” foreign
language• Social chatter is a waste• Give little information• More comfortable with
other service members/battle buddies
Safety and Trust
Military
• Vigilance pays off• Never relax• Assume everyone is the
enemy
Civilian• Avoid getting involved• Always on guard• Suspicious of everyone• Test people to earn trust
• Difficulty attending activities, going out in public or large crowds or feeling safe with anyone but other service members or veterans
“Not talking about your emotions in war (strength)can lead to can’t talk about emotions at home (weakness)
Military• Control emotions• Numbing• Anger-useful, protective,
is a survival skill
Civilian• Appear insensitive to others• Decreased ability to read
others emotions• Decreased emotional
enjoyment• Irritability/defensiveness/ increased aggression
Emotions / Anger
Authority
Military• Little room for choice – no
discussion/debate• May be in leadership role,
gives orders• May not have much
authority• May not have faith in
authority
Civilian• May resent authority• May be reluctant to let
others have authority• May take on too much
authority, or want none at all
• May lead to increased confrontations
Closeness
Military
• Can create intense relationships
• Strong bonds – depend on each other for survival
• If losses, learn to avoid closeness
Civilian
• Long term intimacy more complicated
• May expect same level of intensity at home
• May push loved ones away• Loved ones may push them
away
StressorsService Member
• Focus on mission • Worry about family at home• May worry if still needed at
home• May not share information
with family• May share too much
information with family• Feeling of safety
Family Member• Worry about SM • Holding down the fort • Emotions - may hold back to
protect them or dump emotions if no other support system available
• May have increased emotional needs
• May not have support of a military community
MILITARY SKILLSDo not automatically change when they come
home
Reestablishing roles can be challenging
READJUSTMENT No definite time period
Can take weeks, months or years (depending on length of separation, experiences, resources, understanding by civilians)
Requires NEW WAYS OF THINKING
Reintegration
● Sharing responsibilities & decisions may be difficult
● Interdependence
● Understanding & patience
● Hard to give up independence
● New or different perspectives
FOCUS ON ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE
How have family members changed?
More independent Used to making their own decisions New friends/relationships Children may be significantly different New routines New perspectives Changes in the environment
KIDS’ REACTIONS TO CHANGES IN FAMILY DYNAMIC
Remember - the children have gone through this too……
o Vary by age of child
o Shouldn’t be taken personally by parents
o Address emotions
o Predictable overall
What to do for military families…• Ask them how they are doing before asking
anything else!• Be Respectful• Be Competent• Be Culturally Competent• Simplify complicated procedures• Consider schedules, needs, resources• Include military systems as appropriate• Refer to Military Family Assistance Center (FAC) • Contact FAC Specialists
POINTS TO PONDER !!!!!
“No One Comes Back Unchanged”(COL (DR.) Tom Burke, DOD, Director of Mental Health Policy)
War changes persons for the better too!
Help is available
“They” is “Us” – they’re our families, our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers
Resources WI Service Member Support Division (SMSD) -for Service
Members, Veterans and Family Members of all Service Branches www.wisconsinmilitary.org
Military OneSource – for Service Members and Dependents www.militaryonesource.mil
Real Warriors – building resilience, supporting reintegration and more www.realwarriors.net
National Military Family Association – for Service Members, Veterans and their families
www.militaryfamily.org
Center for Deployment Psychology – topic page on Military Families and Deployment
www.deploymentpsych.org/topics-desorders/military-families-and-deplendents
Resources Operation Homefront - for Service Members and Dependents.
www.operationhomefront.net/centralmidwest/wehelp.aspx Operation Military Kids - to connect military kids and enhance
their well-being www.militarykids.org
Military Kids Connect - an interactive website for military kidswww.militarykidsconnect.org
Joining Community Forces – for communities to join together in providing resources for our military population.
www.whitehouse.gov/joiningforces
This is just a very small sampling of resources available. If you want more specific resources, contact the Military Family Assistance Center at 1.800.292.9464 option 3
Thank you military families for your service
Thank you veterans and service members for
your service