Just How Slippery is the Slope Between Same-Sex

Marriage and Polyamory? Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

Sheff Consulting GroupDragonCon 2012

PhD Sociology University of Colorado Boulder 2005

15-year longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children

Teaching families and families of sexual minorities to undergraduate and graduate students

Credentials

Also called “Argument of the Beard,” “Fallacy of the Beard,” or “Thin Edge of the Wedge”

If we allow something to happen (a), then these other increasingly bad things will inevitably happen (lmnop) until this really super bad thing happens (z) so we can not allow (a) to happen because it would be terrible if (z) happened.

Slippery Slope Logical Fallacy

Multiple partner marriage (polyamory) Uncles marrying nieces (incest) People marrying dogs and horses

(bestiality) People marrying cars and toasters

(cyborgamy?)

Same-sex marriage leads to…

No, seriously, how?

How exactly does this happen?

Same-sex families are doing fine◦ Often intentional, sometimes painstakingly

constructed◦ Multiple studies find lesbian and gay families have

positive parenting outcomes◦ When compared to kids in hetero families, kids in

same-sex families are very similar except more flexible gender roles and more open to being gay themselves

Meanwhile back in reality…

Race and class privilege give major advantages from the start

Careful introduction of partners More resources for parents and kids Easy to avoid stigma for now

Poly families are doing fine

Families are changing, and have always been changing

The “traditional” family ala Leave it to Beaver was fictitious even then and an exception today

Just more evidence that society is shifting and power could be up for grabs

So what is really the problem?

A culturally and historically specific form of relationship, not universal

Currently enjoying tremendous popularity Most likely here to stay at least for while

◦ Most people are heterosexual so same-sex marriage has appeal to limited audience

◦ Polyamory is not for everyone Can be time consuming and complex Some monogamous by orientation?

Monogamous heterosexual marriage

No longer monogamous in classical sense Skyrocketing expectations of spouse Dwindling commitment to permanency A lot of weight to freight on a relationship

cemented solely by the notoriously fickle bonds of romantic love

Why is the presence/absence of a sexual relationship between the adults relevant to parenting the children once they have been conceived?

Limits of “traditional” marriage

In the highly unlikely event that same-sex and poly marriages actually do obliterate monogamous, heterosexual marriage, it will result from the inadequacies of that “traditional” family form, not the “wickedness” of lesbigay and polyamorous families.

We can still treat each other ethically without morality-based rules determining laws ◦ Focus on consent not religion

A more skeptical conclusion