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DoNotDisturb:HowIDitchedMyPhoneandUnbrokeMyBrainhttps://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/23/business/cell-phone-addiction.html?rref=collection%2Ftimestopic%2FMental%20Health%20and%20Disorders&action=click&contentCollection=health®ion=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=4&pgtype=collection
MynameisKevin,andIhaveaphoneproblem.
Andifyou’reanythinglikeme—andthestatisticssuggestyouprobablyare,atleastwheresmartphonesareconcerned—youhaveone,too.
Idon’tlovereferringtowhatwehaveasan“addiction.”Thatseemstoosterileandclinicaltodescribewhat’shappeningtoourbrainsinthesmartphoneera.Unlikealcoholoropioids,phonesaren’tanaddictivesubstancesomuchasaspecies-levelenvironmentalshock.Wemightsomedayevolvethecorrectbiologicalhardwaretoliveinharmonywithportablesupercomputersthatsatisfyoureveryneedandconnectustoinfiniteamountsofstimulation.Butformostofus,ithasn’thappenedyet.
I’vebeenaheavyphoneuserformyentireadultlife.Butsometimelastyear,Icrossedtheinvisiblelineintoproblemterritory.Mysymptomswereallthetypicalones:Ifoundmyselfincapableofreadingbooks,watchingfull-lengthmoviesorhavinglonguninterruptedconversations.Socialmediamademeangryandanxious,andeventhedigitalspacesIoncefoundsoothing(grouptexts,podcasts,YouTubek-holes)weren’thelping.Itriedvarioustrickstocurbmyusage,likedeletingTwittereveryweekend,turningmyscreengrayscaleandinstallingapp-blockers.ButIalwaysrelapsed.
Eventually,inlateDecember,Idecidedthatenoughwasenough.IcalledCatherinePrice,asciencejournalistandtheauthorof“HowtoBreakUpWithYourPhone,”a30-dayguidetoeliminatingbadphonehabits.AndIbeggedherforhelp.Mercifully,sheagreedtobemyphonecoachforthemonthofJanuary,andwalkmethroughherplan,stepbystep.Together,wewouldbuildahealthyrelationshipwithmyphone,andtrytounbreakmybrain.
‘ABitHorrifying’
Iconfessthatenteringphonerehabfeelsclichéd,likegettingreallyintohealingcrystalsorPeloton.Digitalwellnessisabuddingindustrythesedays,withloadsofself-helpgurusofferingmiraclecuresforscreenaddiction.Someofthosesolutionsinvolvenewdevices—suchasthe“LightPhone,”adevicewithanextremelylimitedfeaturesetthatismeanttoweanusersofftime-suckingapps.Othersfocusoncuttingoutscreensentirelyforweeksonend.Youcannowbuy$299“digitaldetox”packagesatluxuryhotelsorjointhe“digitalsabbath”movement,whoseadherentsvowtospendonedayaweekusingnotechnologyatall.
Thankfully,Catherine’splanismorepractical.I’matechcolumnist,andwhileIdon’tbegrudgeanyonefortryingmoreextremeformsofdisconnection,myjobpreventsmefromgoingcoldturkey.
Instead,herprogramfocusesonaddressingtherootcausesofphoneaddiction,includingtheemotionaltriggersthatcauseyoutoreachforyourphoneinthefirstplace.Thepointisn’ttogetyouofftheinternet,orevenoffsocialmedia—you’restillallowedtouseFacebook,Twitterandothersocialplatformsonadesktoporlaptop,andthere’snohard-and-fasttimelimit.It’ssimplyaboutunhookingyourbrainfromtheharmfulroutinesithasadoptedaroundthisparticulardevice,andhookingittobetterthings.
Whenwestarted,Isenthermyscreentimestatistics,whichshowedthatIhadspent5hoursand37minutesonmyphonethatday,andpickeditup101times—roughlytwiceasmanyastheaverageAmerican.
“Thatisfranklyinsaneandmakesmewanttodie,”Iwrotetoher.
“Iwilladmitthatthosenumbersareabithorrifying,”shereplied.
CatherineencouragedmetosetupmentalspeedbumpssothatIwouldbeforcedtothinkforasecondbeforeengagingwithmyphone.Iputarubberbandaroundthedevice,forexample,andchangedmylockscreentoonethatshowedthreequestionstoaskmyselfeverytimeIunlockedmyphone:“Whatfor?Whynow?Whatelse?”
Fortherestoftheweek,IbecameacutelyawareofthebizarrephonehabitsI’ddeveloped.InoticedthatIreachformyphoneeverytimeIbrushmyteethorstepoutsidethefrontdoorofmyapartmentbuilding,andthat,forsomepathologicalreason,Ialwayscheckmyemailduringthethree-secondwindowbetweenwhenIinsertmycreditcardintoachipreaderatastoreandwhenthecardisaccepted.
Mostly,IbecameawareofhowprofoundlyuncomfortableIamwithstillness.Foryears,I’veusedmyphoneeverytimeI’vehadasparemomentinanelevatororaboringmeeting.Ilistentopodcastsandwriteemailsonthesubway.IwatchYouTubevideoswhilefoldinglaundry.Ievenuseanapptopretendtomeditate.
IfIwasgoingtorepairmybrain,Ineededtopracticedoingnothing.Soduringmymorningwalktotheoffice,Ilookedupatthebuildingsaroundme,spottingarchitecturaldetailsI’dnevernoticedbefore.Onthesubway,Ikeptmyphoneinmypocketandpeople-watched—noticingthenattilydressedmanintheyellowhat,theteenseatinghotTakisandlaughing,thekidwithVelcroshoes.Whenafriendranlateforourlunch,IsatstillandstaredoutthewindowinsteadofcheckingTwitter.
It’sanunnervingsensation,beingalonewithyourthoughtsintheyear2019.CatherinehadwarnedmethatImightfeelexistentialmalaisewhenIwasn’tdistractingmyselfwithmyphone.Shealsosaidpayingmore
attentiontomysurroundingswouldmakemerealizehowmanyotherpeopleusedtheirphonestocopewithboredomandanxiety.
“Icompareittoseeingafamilymembernaked,”shesaid.“Onceyoulookaroundtheelevatorandseethezombiescheckingtheirphones,youcan’tunseeit.”
WithdrawalSetsIn
Next,IgavemyphonetheMarieKondotreatment—lookingatallmyappsandkeepingtheonesthatsparkedjoyandcontributedtohealthyhabitsandtossingthosethatdidn’t.
Forme,thatmeantdeletingTwitter,Facebookandallothersocialmediaapps,alongwithnewsappsandgames.IkeptmessagingserviceslikeWhatsAppandSignal,andnon-distractingutilitieslikecookingandnavigationapps.Iprunedmyhomescreentojusttheessentials:calendar,emailandpasswordmanager.AndIdisabledpushnotificationsforeverythingotherthanphonecallsandmessagesfromapresetlistofpeoplethatincludedmyeditor,mywifeandahandfulofclosefriends.
[MorefromKevinRoose:IsTechTooEasytoUse?]
Whereyoukeepyourphoneisalsoimportant.Studieshaveshownthatpeoplewhodon’tchargetheirphonesintheirbedroomsaresignificantlyhappierthanthosewhodo.Catherinechargesherphoneinacloset;forme,sherecommendedalockingmini-safe.Iboughtoneandstartedstoringmyphoneinside,whichsimultaneouslyreducedmynighttimeusageandmademefeellikeIwasguardingthequeen’sjewels.
AndIpursuedactivitiesthatcouldreplacemyphonehabit.OntherecommendationofmycolleagueFarhadManjoo,Isignedupforpotteryclasses.Asitturnedout,potterymakesaperfectphonesubstitute.It’smanuallychallenginganddemandsconcentrationforhoursonend.Itgetsyourhandsdirty,too,whichisagooddeterrenttofiddlingwithexpensiveelectronics.
Afterapotteryclass,Iupdatedmywifeonmyprogress.Itoldherthatwhileitfeltgreattodisconnect,IstillworriedthatIwasmissingsomethingimportant.Ilikedhavingaconstantstreamofnewsatmyfingertips,andIwantedtodomoreofthethingsIactuallylikeaboutsocialmedia,likekeepingtabsonmyfriends’babiesandmaintainingambientKardashianawareness.
“I’msadthatyou’rehavingtroublewiththis,”shesaid,“becauseit’sbeengreatforme.”
Sheexplainedthatsincemyphonedetoxstarted,I’dbeenmorepresentandattentiveathome.Ispentmoretimelisteningtoher,andlesstimedistractedlynoddingandmumblingwhilecheckingmyinboxortappingouttweets.
Psychologistshaveanameforthis:“phubbing,”orsnubbingapersoninfavorofyourphone.Studieshaveshownthatexcessivephubbingdecreasesrelationshipsatisfactionandcontributestofeelingsofdepressionandalienation.
Foryears,I’vejustifiedmyphubbingbytreatingitasaprofessionalnecessity.Isn’titmyjobtoknowwhennewshappens?Won’tIbeneglectingmydutiesifittakesmeanextrahourtolearnthatJeffBezosisgettingdivorced,oranotherYouTuberdidsomethingracist?
IputthisquestiontoCatherine,whoreassuredmethatIwasn’tjeopardizingmycareerbybeingslightlylatertothenews.SheremindedmethatI’dbeenhappiersinceIdialeddownmyscreentime,andshegentlyencouragedmetofocusontheothersideofthecost-benefitanalysis.“Thinkofthebiggerpictureofwhatyou’regettingbynotbeingonTwitterallthetime.”
AThoreauCleansing
Thebiggesttestcamewitha“trialseparation”—a48-hourperiodduringwhichIwasn’tallowedtousemyphoneoranyotherdigitaldevice.(Catherine’sprogramcallsfora24-hourseparation,butIdecidedtotryamorehard-coreversion.)
Ihaddreadedthisideaattheoutset,butwhentheweekendactuallyarrived,Igotgiddywithexcitement.Irentedanoff-the-gridAirbnbintheCatskills,warnedmyeditorthatI’dbeofflinefortheweekendandtookoff.
Aphone-freeweekendinvolvedsomecomplications.WithoutGoogleMaps,Igotlostandhadtopulloverfordirections.WithoutYelp,Ihadtroublefindingopenrestaurants.
Butmostly,itwasgreat.Fortwosoliddays,Ibaskedin19th-centuryleisure,feelingmynervessofteningandmyattentionspanstretchingbackout.Ireadbooks.Ididthecrosswordpuzzle.Ilitafireandlookedatthestars.IfeltlikeThoreau,ifThoreauperiodicallywonderedwhatwashappeningonAlexandriaOcasio-Cortez’sInstagramstory.
Ialsofelttwingesofanger—atmyself,formissingoutonthisfeelingofrestorativeboredomforsomanyyears;attheengineersinSiliconValleywhospendtheirdaysprofitablyexploitingourcognitiveweaknesses;attheentirephone-industrialcomplexthathasconvincedusthatasix-inchglass-and-steelrectangleistheidealconduitforworldlyexperiences.
Sadly,thereisnowaytotalkaboutthebenefitsofdigitaldisconnectionwithoutsoundinglikeaGoopsubscriberoraneo-Luddite.Performativewellnessisobnoxious,asisreflexivetechnophobia.
ButIcannotstressenoughthatundertherightconditions,spendinganentireweekendwithoutaphoneinyourimmediatevicinityisincredible.Youhavetotryit.
RewiredandRenewed
Allowmeabitofbragging:Overthecourseof30days,myaveragedailyphonetime,asmeasuredbytheiPhone’sbuilt-inscreentimetracker,hasdwindledfromaroundfivehourstojustoveranhour.Inowpickupmyphoneonlyabout20timesaday,downfrommorethan100.Istillusemyphoneforemailandtexting—
andI’mstillusingmylaptopplenty—butIdon’titchforsocialmedia,andIoftengohourswithoutsomuchasapeekatanyscreen.
Inoneofourconversations,IaskedCatherineifsheworriedthatIwouldrelapse.Shesaiditwaspossible,giventheaddictivepropertiesofphonesandthelikelihoodthatthey’llonlykeepgettingmoreessential.ButshesaidthataslongasIremainedawareofmyrelationshipwithmyphone,andcontinuedtonoticewhenandhowIusedit,I’dhavegottensomethingvaluable.
“Yourlifeiswhatyoupayattentionto,”shesaid.“IfyouwanttospenditonvideogamesorTwitter,that’syourbusiness.Butitshouldbeaconsciouschoice.”
Oneofthemostunexpectedbenefitsofthisprogramisthatbygettingsomeemotionaldistancefrommyphone,I’vestartedtoappreciateitagain.Ikeepthinking:Righthere,inmypocket,isadevicethatcansummonfood,carsandmillionsofotherconsumergoodstomydoor.IcantalkwitheveryoneI’veevermet,createandstoreaphotographicrecordofmyentirelife,andtapintotheentirecorpusofhumanknowledgewithafewswipes.
SteveJobswasn’texaggeratingwhenhedescribedtheiPhoneasakindofmagicalobject,andit’strulywildthatinthespanofafewyears,we’vemanagedtoturntheseamazingtalismanictoolsintostress-inducingalbatrosses.It’sasifscientistshadinventedapillthatgaveustheabilitytofly,onlytofindoutthatitalsogaveusdementia.
Butthereisawayout.Ihaven’ttakenanM.R.I.orundergoneapsychiatricevaluation,butI’dbetthatsomethingfundamentalhasshiftedinsidemybraininthepastmonth.Afewweeksago,theworldonmyphoneseemedmorecompellingthantheofflineworld—morecolorful,faster-movingandwithabiggerscopeofrewards.
Istilllovethatworld,andprobablyalwayswill.Butnow,thephysicalworldexcitesme,too—theonethathasroomforboredom,idlehandsandspaceforthinking.InolongerfeelphantombuzzesinmypocketorhavedreamsaboutcheckingmyTwitterreplies.Ilookpeopleintheeyeandlistenwhentheytalk.Iridetheelevatorempty-handed.AndwhenIgetsuckedintomyphone,Inoticeandself-correct.
It’snotafullrecovery,andI’llhavetostayvigilant.Butforthefirsttimeinalongtime,I’mstartingtofeellikeahumanagain.KevinRooseisacolumnistforBusinessandawriter-at-largeforTheNewYorkTimesMagazine.Hiscolumn,“TheShift,”examinestheintersectionoftechnology,businessandculture.@kevinroose•Facebook