DISCerning LISTENING - INFOSERV

DISCerning LISTENING

#3 LISTENS WITH EMPATHY20

7 KEYS TO DISCERNING LISTENING

05

#4 LISTENS WITH AN APPRECIATION OF BEHAVIOURAL PREFERENCES21

#1 LISTENING WITH PURPOSE#2 LISTENING BEYOND THE SPOKEN WORD05 08

INTRODUCTION04

table of contents

02 https://successwithpeople.org DISCerning Listening

#5 LISTENS BY MANAGING BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 22

CALL TO ACTION24

ABOUT THE SUCCESS WITH PEOPLE ACADEMY25

#6 LISTENS WITH DISCERNMENT23

#7 LISTENS WITH A VIEW TO TAKING APPROPRIATE ACTION23


INTRODUCTION

LISTENING!Listening is far different from hearing. It requires training and practice and is a skill that is in short supply.

If we are in an important conversation, we take care to tune in our ears to ensure that we hear every word.

That is good. Inattentiveness is a relationship killer. Failing to listen is also the cause of so many misunderstandings, costly error and conflict.

However, finely tuned ears still miss a chunk of what is being communicated!

Whether it is really 7% or not, it is clear that words do not represent all that is being communicated.

When we develop our capacity to listen with more than our ears we get so much more from our interactions.

We become demonstrably more socially and emotionally intelligent and our people skills are dramatically improved.

THROUGH DECADES OF ACTIVE WORKING WITH

INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS, THERE IS ONE

COMPETENCE THAT IS WIDELY OVERLOOKED BUT

YET IS SO CENTRAL TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

Communication =7% Words

38% Tone

55% Body language


The DISCerning Listener:1. Listens with a purpose

2. Listens beyond the spoken word

3. Listens with empathy

4. Listens with appreciation of behavioural preferences

5. Listens by managing barriers to communication

6. Listens with discernment

7. Listens with a view to taking appropriate action

7 KEYS TO DISCERNING LISTENING

#1 LISTENING WITH PURPOSEThe mindset that you take into a listening event

is very important and makes a great deal of difference.

Reflect for a moment and whether you take care to be in the moment when you are about to cross a busy thoroughfare.

What about when you give your identification or credit card to someone. Do you focus on ensuring that you get them back?

What about when you are getting change from a purchase or cash from an ATM. Are you tuned into what is happening and have clarity as to what is to take place?

You do those things automatically now, because of long term practice and because of their importance.

You should accord the same importance to listening effectively. With practice and your recognition of the value of listening, it will soon become part of your muscle memory.

Here is a template that you can use to address the issue of the purpose related to a listening episode.

What are your goals related to this listening event?

▶ What do you want to take away from the exercise?

▶ How important is the information to you? ▶ What do you plan to do with the information?

What about the other parties, what are their objectives?

▶ What are the presenter’s expectations? ▶ What would you like them to take away from

the conversation? ▶ Is there something that you would hate for

them to experience in the interaction?

What is the context of the information exchange?The context will impact:

▶ Attention levels ▶ Need for interaction ▶ Posture ▶ Duration ▶ Potential responsibilities ▶ Possible implications


AttentionI am in writing this with my YouTube playlist in the background. I am not consciously listening. I am hearing it. At times, I listen to TedTalks, webinars and podcasts. If I am seeking value from them, I set aside all other activities and focus on the incoming information. I will rewind or replay in order to cement the learning.

As a DISCerning Listener you need to establish where along that scale you need to pitch your level of attention. Give thought to the purpose and act accordingly.

One critical area that most of us miss is how we listen during introductions. We play ourselves for not remembering names. However, in many instances we never learned it in the first place. The person said it, we heard it but it did not register.

Given how our names are to us, we could increase our interpersonal skills by listening and registering the names of others as if our lives depended on it. There are many techniques that will help you to better recall names. A google search will throw up many.

For now, the key is to be present and focused at the point of the sharing.

InteractionSpoiler alert: Listening is a two-way exchange!

Effective listening demands that you pose questions and provide feedback.

“Do I understand you to be saying…?”

“If I am getting this, it means that…”

“Could you clarify or expand on the last point?”

“How is this different from …?”

Depending on the importance and context of the listening event, the dialogue could be enhanced by the judicious interjection of clarifying questions.

But even in casual conversation, active responsiveness on your part is important.

Ever tried conversing with someone who never goes beyond single word responses?

PostureHave you ever got too comfortable in a speech? Did you lose connection with the speaker and actually miss some of the key points that were made?


Imagine going to the doctor to get the results of an important test. Can you picture the difference in your posture as against having to be physically present in weekly meeting presentation that drags on and on?

Again, focusing on the purpose up front will guide you as to the appropriate listening response.

DurationThe anticipated length of the information exchange will have implications your for listening response. I urge that we be more proactive when entering into information exchanges – where we have an option. Instead of labouring through long, complex high stakes sessions, it might be wise to find out whether the session can be broken up or at least provide the opportunity for breaks.

Potential responsibilitiesIf the dialogue relates to giving you instructions or valuable advice, you need to be all in. Taking notes is advisable to aid your recall.

This is another instance in which questioning for clarification should be an integral component of the exchange.

Possible implicationsIt makes difference if the dialogue is around what a colleague did over the weekend as against a matter that has critical legal implications.

Not only should you be fully attentive but you might want to check the meaning of every statement and the basis on which they are being made. You might want to share as little of your own perspective as possible, since volunteering new information might implicate you.

Again, context and purpose are critical considerations impacting listening events.


#2 LISTENING BEYOND THE SPOKEN WORD

It is widely reported

in Communications

literature that words

represent 7% of what is

being communicated.

The DISCerning

Listener takes into

consideration:

• Body language

• Tone

• Use of language

• Physical

appearance

• Culture

• Behavioural Style

• Context

Here is a practical, fun exercise that you could conduct with your

colleagues.

■ Pair two individuals.

■ Give them a list of statements and have them note down whether they agree or disagree with the views conveyed by the statements.

■ Pick one topic on which they agree.

■ Instruct one player to present the opposite body language and pace of speech of the other unwitting player.

■ Notice that as the dialogue develops more and more areas of disagreement will arise.

■ Reverse the process with an item of disagreement. Have the other player go to pains to mimic (subtlety) the body language and tone of the other player.

■ Watch as differences take on less importance.

The goal is to observe the critical role of body language in communication.

The reality is that we like people who are like us. The more we see commonalities in others the more we are drawn to them. We become more open to being aligned with their views.

Body Language: Beyond Spoken Word – Exercise


If you want to connect better with someone, align your mannerisms, pace, postures, tone etc to theirs. BE CAREFUL not to appear to be mimicking them! They might think you are mocking them or that you are a fraud.

Modifying your pace subtly and things like leaning forward or back are usually safe bets. Avoid accents!

Tone Study.com indicates that tone of voice, inflection, volume, and pace of speech are that much more important when you’re speaking to someone over the phone. Because they cannot see you, customers will make judgments about your attitude, your willingness to help, and even your personality based on the way in which you speak.

I suggest that people make similar judgements in face-to-face encounters.

Interestingly, Psychology Today posts the following:

Whatever the content of the things we say, it’s our tone that communicates what we’re feeling when we say them. Our tone tells the truth even when our words don’t, even when we’re unaware of that truth ourselves. And it’s our tone to which others respond. We can even say “I love you” in a way that provokes bitterness and then innocently argue we’re being unfairly attacked when the person to whom we’ve said it quite rightly responds to our tone rather than our words.

Your tone of voice ultimately becomes your brand. You can be welcoming or off-putting. Similarly, A the tone you use when responding in listening episodes can evoke different results.

A firm, strident tone will send the message that you drawn a line in the sand and that you are resolute in your decision.

A warm accommodating tone sends a signal that you have an open mind.

Yes, listening is a complex skill that incorporates a range of competences. Can you see why there is so much misunderstanding and conflict?

Use of languageThis is a challenging one for me because I can’t address from a place of integrity without betraying a bias. I must confess that the use of language can be used to suggest to me the academic achievement of the speaker. Academic - not necessarily intellectual capacity. It only applies to the higher levels.

For example, if someone is explaining some complex economics theory or quantum physics and they have difficulty with basic grammar, I might be challenged to be fully invested in the listening process.

I don’t have a problem with someone who is not using their native tongue or someone whose dropped out of school early. It is an admitted bias. And biases distort communication!

The message for me is to stop being distracted by grammatical errors and to pay attention to the content so as to improve my learning!


NOTE: Like me, you are likely to be taking some beliefs or habits that acts a barriers to your effective receipt of incoming information. Pay attention and see if you can identify them and take corrective action.

Physical appearanceMaybe this is yours 😊!

Apply my use of language admonition. Learn to avoid being overly influenced negatively or positively by physical appearances.

We are also susceptible to being swayed by someone who is very well put together. It is easy to fall into the trap of immediately ascribing to them wisdom and professionalism.

The discerning listener takes all these issues into consideration but takes care to evaluate them appropriately.

CultureThis is a potential minefield.

Gert Hofstede produced a widely used body of work with respect to understanding cultures. He identifies 6 dimensions.

Power of Distance How much inequality should there be among us?

Uncertainty Avoidance How afraid are we of unknown people and ideas?

Individualism / Collectivism How dependent are we on our (extended) family?

Masculinity / Femininity How should a man feel and behave, how a woman?

Long/ Short-Term Orientation Do we focus on the future, the present or the past?

Indulgence / Restraint May we have fun or is life a serious matter?

Hofstede Dimensions of National Cultures ■ Power distance index (PDI): The power distance index is defined as “the extent to which the less powerful

members of organizations and institutions (like the family) accept and expect that power is distributed unequally”. In this dimension, inequality and power is perceived from the followers, or the lower strata. A higher degree of the Index indicates that hierarchy is clearly established and executed in society, without doubt or reason. A lower degree of the Index signifies that people question authority and attempt to distribute power.

■ Individualism vs. collectivism (IDV): This index explores the “degree to which people in a society are integrated into groups”. Individualistic societies have loose ties that often only relate an individual to his/her immediate family. They emphasize the “I” versus the “we”. Its counterpart, collectivism, describes a society in which tightly-integrated relationships tie extended families and others into in-groups. These in-groups are laced with undoubted loyalty and support each other when a conflict arises with another in-group.


■ Uncertainty avoidance (UAI): The uncertainty avoidance index is defined as “a society’s tolerance for ambiguity”, in which people embrace or avert an event of something unexpected, unknown, or away from the status quo. Societies that score a high degree in this index opt for stiff codes of behaviour, guidelines, laws, and generally rely on absolute truth, or the belief that one lone truth dictates everything and people know what it is. A lower degree in this index shows more acceptance of differing thoughts or ideas. Society tends to impose fewer regulations, ambiguity is more accustomed to, and the environment is more free-flowing.

■ Masculinity vs. femininity (MAS): In this dimension, masculinity is defined as “a preference in society for achievement, heroism, assertiveness and material rewards for success”. Its counterpart represents “a preference for cooperation, modesty, caring for the weak and quality of life”. Women in the respective societies tend to display different values. In feminine societies, they share modest and caring views equally with men. In more masculine societies, women are somewhat assertive and competitive, but notably less than men. In other words, they still recognize a gap between male and female values. This dimension is frequently viewed as taboo in highly masculine societies.

■ Long-term orientation vs. short-term orientation (LTO): This dimension associates the connection of the past with the current and future actions/challenges. A lower degree of this index (short-term) indicates that traditions are honoured and kept, while steadfastness is valued. Societies with a high degree in this index (long-term) view adaptation and circumstantial, pragmatic problem-solving as a necessity. A poor country that is short-term oriented usually has little to no economic development, while long-term oriented countries continue to develop to a point.

■ Indulgence vs. restraint (IND): This dimension refers to the degree of freedom that societal norms give to citizens in fulfilling their human desires. Indulgence is defined as “a society that allows relatively free gratification of basic and natural human desires related to enjoying life and having fun”. Its counterpart is defined as “a society that controls gratification of needs and regulates it by means of strict social norms”.

Putting together national scores (from 1 for the lowest to 100 for the highest), Hofstede’s six-dimensions model allows international comparison between cultures, also called comparative research:

• Power distance index shows very high scores for Latin and Asian countries, African areas and the Arab world. On the other hand, Germanic countries, including Anglophone countries, have a lower power distance (only 11 for Austria and 18 for Denmark).

For example, the United States has a 40 on the cultural scale of Hofstede’s analysis. Compared to Guatemala where the power distance is very high (95) and Israel where it is very low (13), the United States is in the middle.

• Germany scores a high UAI (65) and Belgium even more (94) compared to Sweden (29) or Denmark (23) despite their geographic proximity. However, few countries have very low UAI.

Differences between cultures on the values dimensions


• Masculinity is extremely low in Nordic countries: Norway scores 8 and Sweden only 5. In contrast, Masculinity is very high in Japan (95), and in European countries like Hungary, Austria and Switzerland influenced by German culture. In the Anglo world, masculinity scores are relatively high with 66 for the United Kingdom for example. Latin countries present contrasting scores: for example, Venezuela has a 73-point score whereas Chile’s is only 28.

• High long-term orientation scores are typically found in East Asia, with China having 118, Hong Kong 96 and Japan 88. They are moderate in Eastern and Western Europe, and low in the Anglo countries, Africa and in Latin America. However, there is less data about this dimension.

• There is even less data about the sixth dimension. Indulgence scores are highest in Latin America, parts of Africa, the Anglo world and Nordic Europe; restraint is mostly found in East Asia and Eastern Europe

Ref: en.wikipedia.org


Behavioural StyleBehavioural style preferences are perhaps the most prevalent obstacles to undistorted, clear, conflict-free communication.

We simply speak different languages behaviourally. Consequently, we struggle to send messages that accurately represents our intention. Similarly, we fail to receive and process incoming communication that way it was conceived

Image courtesy of Extended DISC Intl

We will explore this further with a mini-lesson about Listening in the context of the DISCerning Communication Framework (image above refers).

Lesson Objectives: At the end of this lesson, (1) you should be able to identify the styles that require the greatest adjustments if they are charged with communication that requires a balance between listening and talking.

(2) You should have an appreciation of the behavioral styles that are most comfortable being engaged in communication that requires a balance between listening and talking.

(3) You should be able to identify effective strategies for coping with being engaged in communication that requires a balance between listening and talking.


Context:The circumstances to be dealt with in this session relate to having an equal capacity for achieving each of the following:

1. Active participation in keeping discussions alive.

2. Listening and understanding situations from the point of view of the other communicators.

1. What styles are more challenged being engaged in communication that requires a delicate balance between listening and talking?

All styles are able to bring some energy to listening and well as talking in their communication.

It usually takes more energy for the right side of the Extended DISC diamond (D and I styles) to be perform the type of balanced communication that is described.

D style (Outgoing/Task-Oriented)The D style likes to be in control of the communication process. The primary intent is usually to get their message across to others. That tends to tip the scales in favor of talking as against listening.

It is not unusual to for the D style to cut off incoming communication before the entire message has been sent.

In pressure situations, it might be difficult for other persons to finish their sentences.




Funecdote: “That answer would be er…..”The Schools’ Challenge Quiz televised on TVJ has a highly competitive ‘buzzer’ section towards the end of the quiz. In that section, the team that presses the buzzer first gets to answer the question that is posed. There is a bonus for correct answers and a penalty for wrong answers.

Teams sometimes try to get an edge by pressing the buzzer before the question is completed. That requires a dangerous level of assumption since the quiz master stops at the point of the interruption. In many instances, teams find themselves offering answers to questions that were not asked.

Tips for D style adjustment1. The quiz situation highlights the dangers you face when you fail to listen carefully to all that is being communicated to you. You may miss important details that could be important for the overall outcome.

2. You should also take time to notice the body language of the sender of the message and the conditions surrounding the communication.

3. You should note that people often get the uncomfortable feeling that you are only catching your breath or collecting your thoughts when it is their turn to speak. There is a feeling that you are not really listening to what they have to say and that what they are saying has little impact on your responses.

4. It might be corny, but it might be useful for you to think of your conversations as taking place over a two-way radio system. Each party has to pass the ‘right to speak’ over to the other when they have finished what they want to say.

Just try to get some signal that the other person is finished before you start. It will send a different kind of message to others and increase the effectiveness of your communication.

5. Recognize that in the circumstances being addressed here, listening and understanding situations from the point of view of the other communicators is of equal importance as keeping the discussion going.

This requires the discipline to actually listen to what is being said and to try to understand the message. This is so even if you disagree with what is being communicated.

6. The first step in achieving this objective is counting the cost. You need to focus on the negative effects of not understanding the other party’s point of view.

Funecdote: Whose views?

The organization decided that it wanted to get feedback from its staff on the work environment and related issues. Cliff, the Special Projects Manager, was assigned the task of consulting one-on-one with the staff to record their views.

Cliff put a lot of energy into the interview process and captured what people were saying even before they had fully expressed their thoughts. The study was completed quickly, and the report submitted in short order.

During the presentation of the findings there were blank stares across the room. Finally, one hand went up to point out that a significant issue that they had raised was not reported. Then another hand, and another, and another…..


7. Combat your desire to move on without undue delay by placing a value on the information that you can glean from listening carefully for just a while longer.

Missing some vital information could set you back so far that it could derail the entire process. That is not a winning strategy!

8. Stretch yourself into adopting a more S-style/C-style posture in these special circumstances: Listening with empathy; genuine interest in what the other person has to say; slow to speak; considerate; diplomatic.

9. Adopting the S-style/C-style posture is perhaps best achieved if you accept that the speed at which things go is not the most important factor in these cases.

If you recognize that moving quickly may actually cause you to lose a competitive edge it will help in getting you to muster the level of patience that you will require.

10. One key to your ‘game strategy’ in these circumstances is to use your capacity for responding quickly to build your arguments on the platform of what others say.

You wait until something is said. This gives you some insight into what the other party is thinking. You then make a response that seeks to move the discussion in the direction that you want.

You then await the next comment and follow the same strategy.

When it comes down to the bottom line, effective listening is a most powerful weapon.

You are going to achieve considerably more success as you improve your listening skills.

I style (Outgoing/People-Oriented)The I style challenges will primarily relate to the need for careful listening to exactly what is being said.

Funecdote: Gate prize winner?

Jag was at the re-union and fund raising function. He was really in his element. He had so much to share with his colleagues.

In Jag’s background, the MC was announcing the number of the winning ticket for the gate prize. He repeated the number several times. He went on to draw another ticket for the prize.

Jag’s attention is finally drawn to what was taking place on stage. He finds his ticket. It is the original winning ticket – alas too late!

Tips for the I style1. You are already conscious of the listening challenges that you face. You need to identify those times when it is absolutely critical that you focus on just one thing. Getting clear on when multi-tasking is undesirable is a big step forward.

2. Your adjustment with respect to doing multiple things at the same time can be helped by looking at what is at stake. If you very life depended on hearing the next few words, it would make sense for you to stop doing anything that could distract you from hearing those words. Some situations require you to give that same kind of undivided attention.

3. If you are not sure how critical the information that is being passed is, it is best to give it the ‘life or death’ treatment and focus all your attention on what is being communicated.


4. As you are aware timing and relevance are key ingredients in making what you say interesting to others.

If you can keep a close tab on what others are trying to communicate you have a great chance of being able to say the right thing at the right time.

Try feeding off what others say and see if you do not receive a better response in your conversations.

5. Keep reminding yourself that communication is a two-way street. Focus on how interesting it is to learn what the other party is thinking. You already know what is in your mind.

6. Get into the habit of confirming what you ‘hear’ with the sender of the message. “Do I understand you to be saying that….?”

7. That approach helps you to gather your thoughts so that you can make just the right response. It also puts you in a situation where you become a far more effective listener.

8. Test the theory that in effective communication it is more important to be able to receive messages than to be able to send messages.

9. You have a natural gift in sending messages. Enhance your overall skills by paying more attention to incoming messages. Once you receive a message correctly and in good time, you will find the appropriate response.

10. Get some practice. Set up some listening games that will set you on the right track. One useful one is to draw lots. The person who wins gives 4 or so details about themselves. Each one adds their personal information and recounts all the details presented before. For example, the last person must recall the personal details of everyone who went before.

1. What styles are most comfortable listening to every word that is being spoken?

D I S C

2. The I style likes to operate in situations where they have to listen more than they talk.

True False

3. Getting confirmation on the message you receive is an important strategy for avoiding misunderstanding. True or False

4. Playing effective listening games is a good strategy for getting more comfortable with balanced communication. True False

5. Wanting to move quickly and impatience have no real impact on an individual’s capacity to handle the type of balanced communication that some situations demand. True False

6. Some styles would benefit from recognizing that others may be upset by what appears to be a lack of interest in what is being said to them. True False

7. Focusing on the net benefits that may accrue from a different approach to balanced communication is an important motivation for making the required adjustment. True False

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1. S C 2. False 3. True 4. True 5. False 6. True 7. True

Lesson exercise


DISCerning Listening: Practical Exercises

1. Attention to detail & RecallSelect a talk on YouTube (TedTalk or other) on a subject with which you are not familiar. Duration should be 10 – 15 minutes. Make mental notes of the key issues. Replay the talk to see whether you had captured the essence of the presentation and if you missed potentially valuable pointers.

2. Attention to detail & Recall 2

Get a willing volunteer to share an experience that they found interesting. Have them share for 10 or more minutes. Recount what you got from the story. Ask your volunteer to identify details that you missed.

Up the stakes by sharing how you think the experience would have impacted the volunteer and see if they concur with your assessment.

You can actually use this in real life situations for example at work. You could have a colleague share on an issue that concerns them. Then re-state what you have heard and have them validate whether you have captured the gravamen of their perspective.

3. DISCerning Communication Framework Application 1

Watch a TV series or movie and work at identifying the behavioural style that each player is using. Reflect on whether that draws you closer to them or drives you apart.

This will sharpen your skill in identifying what behavioural toolkit is being used. It will also make you aware that you might have built-in bias linked to different behavioural styles.

4. Mulberry bushHave a volunteer (workshop participant) share an active issue that is a challenge for them. However, they are to deliberately leave out key details and take a roundabout route to hint at others. The process should go on for 7 – 10 minutes without them making it clear what is the core challenge and related details.

Your role is to use DISCerning Listening techniques to get to the central issues. Have them validate if you were on point.

5. Solutions Guru Reach out to someone (your coachee) who wants to share on a matter of concern to them. As you listen, make a mental note of the instances where there was an itch for you to offer a solution.

The learning from this is that in many instances, individuals are not seeking solutions. They just need a listening ear. Coaches need to learn to listen just for listening’s sake.

Note: You can also use TV or movies for this exercise. Listen as someone shares their story or expresses their feelings and monitor your inner voice and the prescriptions that it puts forward.

6. Moving forwardThis might be difficult to set up, however, you may have an unresolved issue with someone. It has been hanging for a while. Make a decision to move the process forward. Think about how you will engage the other party with a focus on moving the issue towards resolution.

What comments do you anticipate and how will you re-direct them towards resolution?


What about your stumbling blocks? How will you re-package them in resolution clothing without losing face?

Will you be willing to make yourself vulnerable? If so, how does that play out?

If the other party makes themselves vulnerable or steps back from firmly held positions, how will you handle that so that both parties leave the process feeling satisfied with the outcome?

7. Starting pointGet a child to be your volunteer. Share with them a concept that is beyond knowledge base.

Pay attention to the nature and frequency of their questioning. Alternatively, watch how quickly you lose their attention or they change the subject.

You should take away the importance of starting at the place where your listener is located. Wrong starting points will result in losing the listener or having to retrace your steps to where they are.

8. Mini-surveyAsk friends or colleagues to recall a situation in which they wanted to be heard and was disappointed with the response that they got.

Get them to describe as best as possible the response they thought they got and what they were hoping to get. The more graphic and heartfelt the descriptions the better.

You can take those descriptions and craft them into a Do’s and Don’ts framework for DISCerning Listening.

9. Power cut

A game we played as a family when electricity was lost at night is helpful.

The exercise is to create a story that is contributed to by all parties. Someone starts with whatever they have on their minds. The key is that they stop abruptly and the next in line must finish the sentence and incorporate some of the details presented to keep the thread going while being free to make dramatic deviations from the storyline. Each individual takes a turn.

To add rigour to the exercise, require each presenter to include some detail from earlier story tellers in their presentation.

This will improve skills related to attentiveness, attention to details as well as understanding the importance of being engaging in communication.

10. JuryGet reported information on a low-profile case that went before the courts. Present the information to different individuals and solicit their views. Ask them to share what were the factors that influenced their thoughts.

The goal here is mainly to appreciate that there are a variety of trigger issues that impact our judgement. Being able to uncover the framework of trigger issues that is guiding an individual will be useful in coaching or leading them.


▶ Takes an active interest in the presenter

Active interest is manifested as

• Making eye contact

• Nodding

• Making vocal sounds suggesting attentiveness

• Asking questions

• Making comments

• Taking notes

• Paraphrasing

• Mirroring

▶ Listens from inside the presenter’s shoes

• Encourages, accepts, explores and reinforces expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs, suggestions, etc.

▶ Reflects on “What if the roles were reversed?”

• What if you were the presenter, how would you like your message to be received?

• What kind of environment would you prefer?

#3 LISTENS WITH EMPATHY

The DISCerning Listener:


#4 LISTENS WITH AN APPRECIATION OF BEHAVIOURAL PREFERENCESThe DISCerning Listener:Understands that individuals have different behavioural preferences

▶ Differences in behavioural preferences impact

• Overall communication style

• Pace of delivery

• Tone of delivery

• Body language

• Ratio of speaking to listening

• Attention span

• Nature of the interaction

• Risk of misunderstanding

• Likely take away and follow up action


The DISCerning Listener:Is aware of documented barriers to communication and works to minimize their impact.Barriers include:

▶ Presenter distortions:

• Imprecise crafting of message for intended audience

• Physical distractions like background noises and faulty microphones

• Physical appearance

• Use of language

• Speech pattern

• Gender, culture, age

▶ Listener Distortions

Messages are not received as intended for a variety of reasons including:

• Listener pre-occupation with a distraction

• Listener bias

• Listener assumptions

• Faulty interpretation

• Language challenges

• Physical communication challenges on the listener’s end

• Gender, culture, age

#5 LISTENS BY MANAGING BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

Exercise

• Al enjoys working as an experienced pilot.

• Al often longs for time spent with the family.

• Al now has an important decision to make.

• There is an addition coming to the family.

• Al is mulling over how much leave to apply for.

• Al seeks your advice, what would you suggest?


#6 LISTENS WITH DISCERNMENT

#7 LISTENS WITH A VIEW TO TAKING APPROPRIATE ACTION

The previous section was about listening with discernment. ▶ It incorporates:

Processing incoming information without built-in assumptionsYou might have been tempted to assume that Al was a man and suggested a shorter leave period than if it were a female.

1. Linking the information to other sources and evaluating their respective merits and validity.

2. Integrating and building on ideas and suggestions.

3. Giving voice to your personal experience and intuition.

4. Being willing to postpone decision-making subject to further analysis and information gathering.

The DISCerning Listener:• Reflects on the potential value and application of incoming information.

• Removes distortions including venting without judgment or attachment in order to move on to next steps.

• Stores information in ways to facilitate easy retrieval when related situations arise.

• Moves the dialogue to conclusion efficiently.

• Establishes guidelines and time frames for treatment of incoming information – Store, Share, Shred, Substantiate, Start, Stop.


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ABOUT THE SUCCESS WITH PEOPLE ACADEMY

We guide the development of High Performance Teams.

We are interpersonal relations, group dynamics and performance enhancement specialists.

We provide learning and productivity enhancement technology solutions.

We offer behavioural Assessments from Extended DISC on the revolutionary FinxS Platform.

We work with organization to develop Competency Frameworks using an electronic platform that simplifies the process. The platform includes a fully-developed e-Competency Framework for easy customization.

Our revolutionary SPIKE Technology Solutions include an e-Onboarding feature to manage the process from the candidate accepts your offer through to their orientation and ultimate confirmation.

SPIKE also includes Work Plan tracking and ongoing Performance Tracking.

Trevor E S SmithSuccess with People Academy

E-mail: [email protected]


Trevor E S SmithSuccess with People Academy

E-mail: [email protected]

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DISCerning LISTENING - INFOSERV