Diary of a Cricket God (excerpt)

7/31/2019 Diary of a Cricket God (excerpt)

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2/12

2

Its a worse day than when I scored that own goalwith my bottom . . . and some smart alec took aphoto for the school magazine.

(My Diary of a Soccer Starhas details of that awful day.)

TODAY IS WORSE THAN ALL THOSE DAYS PUTTOGETHER!!!

You see, Dads decided that justbecause I scored in thatsoccer tournament a fewmonths back (with myfeet, not my bottom)

that I have aGIFT for SPORT.

Right, Dad it was a fluke!!!


3/12

3

He thinks that I have aFUTURE in SPORT.

Get real, Dad Iscored when no one waspaying attention it

doesnt mean anything!!!

He thinks Nike or Adidas or Puma might beinterested in me . . .

PUMA?

Isnt that some sort of mountain lion?A mountain lion might be interested in me?Is he threatening me?


4/12

Yes, but Usain Bolt can run really fast! He doesnthave to be afraid.

Is Dad going to feed me to the lions if I donthave a FUTURE in SPORT?

What sort of dad are you???

I dont say that out loud. I dont know wherehes keeping these pumas and I dont want totake a chance.

I may not have a GIFT for SPORT, but Im notcompletely DUMB, so there.


5/12

5

Back to the reason that this is the WORST DAYOF MY LIFE, EVER . . .

Dad wants me to play cricket.

Dad wants me to play cricket!!!

Isnt a cricket some

sort of insect?

Dad wants me toplay a game thatsnamed after aninsect?


6/12

6

Dad is a marketing guru.

I know that becauseit says so on his namecard . . .

and on his door,letterhead,envelopes andeven a T-shirt(he had it specially made).


7/12

MY CRICKET DIARY

Today is the worst day ofmy life EVER.

EVER, EVER, EVER . . .

Im not kidding!!

Its a worse daythan when JT(the school bully)hid my clothes

after swimming

. . . and I had to go to class in my Speedos.

Its a worse daythan when JTstuck a note onmy back sayingKICK ME

. . . and kids followed me around all day aimingswipes at my bottom.


8/12

7

I thought marketing was something you did at thesupermarket with Mum.

I thought a guru was some sort of deer.

A marketing guru?A MARKETING GURU?

What sort of job is that?


9/12

Later, Gemma(my oldersister) told methat a guru is ateacher.

A kudu is a sort of deer. Easy mistake.Anyone could have made it.

And marketing means being good at selling stuff.

I get it now Dad teaches people how to sellstuff.


10/12

9

Actually, I dont get it why does that mean Ihave to play CRICKET??

Yeah, right.


11/12

0

Dads written a book calledPull Yourself Up by YourOwn Bootstraps!

Hes always quoting bits from it.Its incredibly ANNOYING.

Actually, I tried the you are what you believe thing.

I believed I was Michael Jackson.

Nope, didnt work.


12/12

1

I believed that JT and I were best mates!!

Nope, that didnt work.

I believed I could fly!!!

Nope, that reallydidnt work.

Documents

Diary of a Cricket God (excerpt)