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Alex Clarke

Creative Writing 603-01

Broderick

25 June 2013

“Final Story”

The Mighty Maze

By: Alex Clarke

It all started one day in Boston downtown when Gertrude (Gerti) Samuels was

eating and trying to finish her homework at the same time. Her apartment was cold and

there was barely and heat. Trying to keep warm when it is cold ninety percent of the time

is not an easy task. Sitting at her desk was no picnic either, because it would have meant

kinks in her neck the size of potatoes. She has to load up on her sweaters and overcoats.

It’s most definitely going to be cold and how is she going to be able to concentrate when

all she can think about how cold she is? Gerti decides to look for a blanket and wrap

herself in it so she won’t have to be a human icicle. It wasn’t easy. Doing her homework

started to get grueling so she went to the kitchen for a red raspberry Snapple and an

English muffin sandwich with sausage. The color red reminds her of the Pope’s red robe.

It’s also pretty cozy.

When Gerti was a little girl, her parents Vincent and Reyna shoved church down

her throat. “The Lord is the Best Friend you’ll ever have Dear Gertrude” they would say

when she didn’t find any part of it interesting at all. Not like she would have any choice

in the matter. She’s forced to read the bible and pray every night. Like it would make a

difference. Nothing the bible says ever comes true anyway.

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This is Vincent. He was raised to be Catholic and taught to serve God for as long

as he lives while looking nice and plump. Reyna was raised and taught the same way

while sounding like she has a frog in her throat while wearing her Sunday clothes. They

consisted of a sun hat, a dress, tights and platforms.

It’s simply another day where an 8-year-old Gerti and her parents attended

Sunday school and Sunday service/mass. They make their way to their seats and the

Reverend dives in. Gerti chimes in, “Mom, Dad, do I really have to sit here and listen to

this nonsense?” (Reyna speaking in a firm tone) “Yes you do, now PAY ATTENTION!!”

“Your only duty is to obey the Lord.” As Reyna fires back, Vincent steps in with a few

choice words of his own for Gerti. “You will mind your mother young lady and do not

ever express disrespect in the House of the Lord!” “Yes Dad, I promise.” Weren’t those

two seconds fun?” “They were almost as fun as getting a root canal.” Gerti mumbles out

loud. Actually, a root canal would be a lot less painful. Oh the flashbacks! It’s amazing

what parents want their kids to sacrifice in the name of becoming politically correct.

So what does one do when they hate church that much? Well, pretend of course.

Gerti certainly has her eye-roller down to an art form. Avoiding the ever most dull and

boring service since McDonald’s drive thru. More like drive-by shooting when it comes

to nuggets and fries. Hey that sounds good. Clearly Gerti has had enough of the service

and she couldn’t care less about God, “Dad! Seriously, how much longer to I have to sit

through this. If I have to listen to one more “Praise the Lord” crock, I’ll really give him

something to praise.” “Like a new man dress!” “Just for that Gerti, no fast food for a

month.” As Gerti gears up for the final straw, she steams, “FINE! See if I care.” With

that, she makes her way to the nearest exit.

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Gerti was so young. She had no idea of the brainwashing that was ahead of her.

All she wanted to do was be a kid and focus on her playtime. She wasn’t ready for the

“adult” teachings of the adult world. Constantly wondering why she would have to be

exposed to it at such a young age? Stuck between both overbearing parents. How could

she possible escape them both? She had no power and she was overshadowed most of the

time. Gerti’s one wish in life is to live by the Golden Rule. “Treat others the way you

want to be treated”. She would scoff whenever she would hear the pastor preach about

morality and ethics, when half the time most of the people at that church don’t even

practice what they preach.

Although very young, Gerti understood the concept of hypocrisy all too well. Not

that her parents ever bothered to teach it to her. Their motto is, “Do as you’re told and

you don’t ever question it!” That rule doesn’t exactly bode well. She’s pretty headstrong.

Not that would convince her parents to let her develop her own personality. Why was

being different a bad thing to Vincent and Reyna? To them, everything has to be the same

and “serving the Lord” was the most important thing a person could do. To Gerti, nothing

was going to stop her from becoming an individual.

It’s now 17 years later and apparently Pope John Paul the second would be

making a special appearance in Boston and Gerti had been anxious about for weeks. This

was her idol and there was nothing in the world that was more important. All of a sudden,

Gerti gets a really strange phone call from an unknown number. It’s unrecognizable and

she doesn’t know whether or not she should answer it? Inhale and exhale. Now it’s time

to answer the phone. “Ring! Ring!” she answers the phone, “Hi! It’s the Pope. “THE

POPE!” she screams. This was just the kind of answer that she had been looking for. She

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near broke the phone with her butter fingers. “I heard you were a big fan of mine and I

was wondering if you would like to come down to the church and have an interview with

me?” Gerti shouts at the top of her lungs, ”ARE YOU KIDDING? I’D LOVE TO!”

“Great! See you Friday then.” Gerti is bursting with excitement, “You bet!” Now this

HAD to be one of the best moments of her life. Gerti was on Cloud 9 and there was no

coming down from this.

She could barely contain her feelings, because this is the moment she had bee

wanting and has idolized the Pope ever since she could remember. Her parents tried to

talk her out of it saying how it was a bad idea and she wouldn’t get anything out of it.

Nevertheless, she persevered and eventually lady luck was on her side. Nothing could top

this for her. Not even new shoes at the mall.

It’s all day everyday and she doesn’t want be buried in it. It’s too much. For

crying out loud she has to put up with so much at work and now this. Nobody deserves

this torture. She should feel full for a good amount of time. She wants and needs to be

filled. It should be a conscious decision. She wants to feel she can have anything she

wants. She looks at the café and the nearest grocery store and makes her decision.

Granted, maybe not one of the best decisions, but they’re her decisions.

Gertrude Samuels has one of the biggest appetites on the planet. She can eat

anything she wants and her metabolism will never fail her. It’s like a shower drain that

will keep on swirling. She is so hungry she could eat a horse. But that would be too much

of a cliché. She eats every two hours on the hour and she doesn’t care who’s looking. “I

don’t want to be a pig!” she thinks to herself, but she may have to. She just loves food a

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lot. Gerti’s friends don’t understand her constant need for food though. They thinks it’s a

disgusting habit that should just not be encouraged at all.

It turns out that the Pope has the same problem she does, but she doesn’t know it

yet. She has been waiting her whole life for this moment. The day when the Pope would

treat her like royalty and share the same things she does. This is a dream come true for

her and nothing could spoil this. It would be like she already knew him.

They say meeting a celebrity is supposed to be a very exciting moment. Once she

meets the Pope, then her life will be complete. He is the best thing to ever happen to her

life since the very first invention of the iPhone. As calm as she normally is, she will not

be able to contain her enthusiasm once he’s around. That’s because she normally doesn’t

get that excited about too many things. But this in particular is what she has been waiting

for. She’s practically a stalker, but she wouldn’t dream of harassing him. Then again,

maybe she would risk going to jail for him. Is he really that worth it? She thinks he is.

Not even the Bishop or Reverend could make her feel this happy. The Pope tops it all and

she won’t share this experience with anyone else. She wants the Pope all for herself.

Nobody else can have him. If they try, she will be waiting with a machine gun and tons of

things that she probably can’t mention.

The best part about waiting to meet her idol is that when she finally does it will be

all the more special. She can prepare the perfect outfit and the perfect speech to tell him

how much she loves and respects him. In the clouds, the stars shine and Gerti and the

Pope are best friends and they learn everything about each other. They will go to the mall

and have coffee like “girlfriends” except the Pope’s a man, so that would be weird, unless

the Pope would like to be with her?

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She wanted to figure out what his favorite color is and what kind of food he likes

to eat. She has never been in the presence of royalty before. It’s all so new to her and she

is left breathless. As luck would have it, she gets the courage to talk to the Pope and finds

out that he has a secret addiction to Raspberry Juices and English Muffin Sandwiches

too. It was a match made in heaven in her mind. The Pope sits at a desk all day filling out

paperwork trying to keep the church as “holy as possible”. With not jumping the first

woman he sees or smokes or drinks. Except when it comes to a secret stash of Twinkies

and Oreos. Then there is absolutely NO self-control whatsoever. The Pope now wants to

get to know her better. Something he has been waiting for his whole life. Nothing could

wipe the smiles off both their faces. They were too stoked to even talk or think. Maybe

they could join rehab together after all that food?

It’s now Friday and Gerti has made it to the Pistol Church where the Pope awaits

for her highly anticipated interview. Gerti makes her “grand entrance” Do come in

Gerti.” “Thank You!” So it begins. “So Gerti, tell me why you think you would be right

for this church?” “Well, I’m a hard worker and I’m punctual and I would most definitely

get the job done if you hired me.” The Pope thinks to himself, “Hmm!” she’ll get the

“job” done will she?” Looking back at Gerti, “You’re Hired!” “I am, really?” “Yep! You

start on Monday.” “ I have to pinch myself, because I must be dreaming.” Gerti makes

her way out of the church looking forward to starting her new gig as an Assistant to the

POPE!

On Gerti’s first day, what about rehab? What facility will they go to? Will they be

able to get the help they need and how long will it take? These are important questions

worth asking. The worst part about waiting is that she has to wait. She doesn’t want to

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wait a lifetime to talk to her idle. Gertrude wants to do it now so she’ll have a peace of

mind about how she is going to tackle her addiction. When she finally does meet the

Pope, they start researching the types of facilities nearest them. Gerti and the Pope head

towards the Knolls Treatment Center and check themselves in. They meet everybody and

try to get settled as best they can. They don’t know what to think as they step in for the

first time. Everyone is battling some sort of addiction and her and the Pope’s addictions

are nothing compared to everyone else’s. Gerti and the Pope don’t want to necessarily

want to be broadcasting it all over the center because they find it embarrassing. They try

to keep it to themselves and make sure that they deal with it quietly and not cause a fuss.

Gerti and the Pope have now entered the Red Ring Rehabilitation Facility with

hopes of a speedy recovery. Mental patients everywhere she went. The ceilings looked

like finger paintings and all the food was mashed potatoes and stiff steak. Not exactly the

plush hotel she was expecting. Everything was empty and looked like it belonged in the

garbage. Icky! Icky! And more Icky! Gerti looks at the Pope in disbelief, “Are YOU sure

this is going to help cure us?” The Pope responds with reassurance, “Yes of course! Why

wouldn’t it?” Gerti isn’t backing down, “Because there is always something that can go

horribly wrong, just look at how many people actually complete a rehab program, it’s

ridiculous.” The Pope starts to roll his eyes, “Gerti, you’ll be fine! There is absolutely

nothing to worry about I promise.” Like she’ll actually believe him.

Two weeks have gone by and both of them are about to lose their minds.

Everything is a blur to them and they don’t say much. How did they manage to get

themselves into these situations? Gerti doesn’t really know and neither does the Pope. Oh

the horror and the shame! There is nothing worse then two hungry hippos with the

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appetites of horses and they are battling one of the worst addictions they can battle. Gerti

had to do weekly talk sessions with a therapist every Tuesday and then if she was good

then she got more privileges. The same for the Pope, except his was every Wednesday.

They both have to be crammed into tiny rooms with nothing but a window and a cot. The

metal bars were rusty and extremely dangerous if not handled the right way. A definite

concussion waiting to happen and the Pope thinks he won’t be able to pull it off. What

will Gerti think of him now?

The Pope tries to warn Gerti that this won’t be easy. Kicking an addiction is not

an overnight process. Like a salmon, she’s brave. Like a tiger, she’s fierce. It’s all a

matter of willpower. Now the question is, who has the most willpower? When it comes to

that, it’s Gerti vs. the Pope. Who will come out on top? The jury is still out. It may take a

while, but the verdict will probably come out EXACTLY like everyone thinks.

Having fun with Pope is the most fun Gerti has ever had in her life. Even with her

own friends she’s felt like she can’t have the same kind of fun with them that she had

with the Pope. Assuming she knows everything she needs to know about him. What Gerti

doesn’t know is the Pope has been keeping some secrets underneath his “Holy”

personality. She will be in for one rude awakening. The Pope’s secrets are so dark and so

dire, that it will make her regret ever wanting to meet him in the first place. That’ll

certainly put a damper on “friendly” vacations to Cape Cod. Oh Joy! Apparently, the

Pope has had a secret crush on Gerti since he first met her. He never bothered to tell her,

because she’s 25 and he’s almost 50. Quite the age difference and even Gerti would find

that disgusting.

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So what exactly are these deep dark secrets that the Pope hides in the wake? Well,

let’s see: first of all, he had a secret stash of M&Ms he was hiding in his sock drawer and

snuck some before he went to rehab. Then he would go out for McDonalds and then

Dairy Queen. How could Gerti possibly not know about this? Wouldn’t be the first time

he kept her in the dark. All of a sudden, she felt duped. How could the one person she

idolized most in the world be nothing but a fake? It’s not what she pictured for herself at

all. She thought he wanted to beat his addiction and get better. Instead, she had to base

her own recovery around this guy. What a disappointment she must feel!

But that’s not all. The Pope has also been hiding the fact that he has not touched a

vegetable since he’s been out of rehab. All that hard work that he supposedly put in had

been for nothing. If that’s not bad enough, he’s trying to get little kids into the bad habit

by offering them candy and Taco Bell on the streets. Gerti would be so ashamed to call

him her idle. How could he go down this path of treachery and deceit? He ought to be

tried for his crimes and forced to eat fruits and vegetables for the rest of his life. This will

be a very sad day once Gerti realizes this. The Pope has now gone from the one she could

trust to the one she’ll want to bust. She’ll have to wait and see.

It’s now three months later and Gerti has come to her own conclusion that the

Pope is to no longer be trusted. He lies and scams until he gets what he wants. “I really

hate you!” she mumbles to herself. “I’m sorry to hear that Gerti” the Pope replied as he

walks toward her. Things just got real. So much for being discrete and now she felt more

crummy then a graham cracker, now what's she going to do? “Well, I kind of do for

making me think you’re perfect.” Gerti boiled. “How exactly did I do that?” the Pope

chimed in. “I thought you could relate to me, because I’m struggling with the same

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thing.” Gerti explained. “Sometimes it’s just not that easy for me Gerti” the Pope tried to

reassure her. That comment REALLY made her blood boil. How in the heck is she

supposed to take him seriously now? All her hard work is now for nothing.

Now what’s next? With all the skeletons in the Pope’s closet, Gerti is considering

looking for a new role model. The Pope just isn’t the guy she thought he was, which is

too bad, because they really could have had a good friendship going. Struggling to figure

out her next move, Gerti tries to figure out what she wants from life now. If she doesn’t

have an idol, then what will she achieve in life? It’s nothing but Questions, Questions and

more Questions.

The best part about being indecisive for Gerti is she doesn’t have to stick to any

idol in particular. She can change it whenever she wants. Considering what’s she’s going

through with the Pope, she may want a change of idol. On the other hand, it was a huge

blow to her ego and she may never find another idol as open and honest as she thought

the he was. What’s a girl to do anyway? She still feels so lost and can’t seem to find her

way. What to do? What to do?

This feeling of hers still won’t go away. It lingers and lingers and she doesn’t

know what to do with it. The feeling of disappointment is still with her and she didn’t

even get an apology from the Pope. Apparently he was too high and mighty to realize

he’d done anything wrong. On top of being a liar he’s self-righteous. Gerti didn’t even

know that about him. There was a lot she didn’t know. How could she have been so

wrong about him? Popes are NOT supposed to be liars. They are supposed to help people

find their way if they get lost. A huge contradiction to what Popes is supposed to stand

for.

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So if meeting the Pope was a huge contradiction for Gerti, then does that mean

going to church every Sunday was a waste? Who knows with Gerti, but now the Pope is

making her question everything she has believed in from the time she was little. How

dare he make her question her choices! That’s low even for a Pope. Why is a Pope even a

Pope in the first place? That goes back to plenty of discussions and conversations Gerti

may have had with her parents. They’ve always taught her to stand up for what she

believes in and to never let anyone else tell her otherwise. There are plenty of diamonds

to choose from and she can’t go wrong if she picks the one that’s right for her. If not,

then everything she believes about church life is a lie.

It’s now 6 months later and Gerti may have found someone else to idolize. It’s

funny how someone can be so easily replaced in someone’s mind. With the Pope being a

huge disappointment and all. Gerti eventually got over it. This was not supposed to be

that easy of a decision. But now, Gerti doesn’t care if she never sees that joke of a Pope

ever again. He’s now off somewhere trying to manipulate some other sucker who will

believe anything that’s advertised on TV. That’s the worst part about being tricked by

moneymakers; she doesn’t know when they are tricking her.

It’s now Sunday, and as Gerti gets ready for church, she realizes that a new Pope

will be taking over real soon. “Oh Great!” she thinks to herself. Another Pope she has to

deal with. Is she doomed to deal with Popes for the rest of her life? It looks that way to

her. There’s a part of her that can’t get her head around that fact. Why oh why must Gerti

be tortured by “religious” figures? It’s a curse really. “I’m starting to think all this church

business is a crock”, she thinks to herself. Maybe she should stop watching television

since it doesn’t seem to be working out for her?

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Let’s all thank Gerti’s parents for getting her into church related activities

everyday after school. They were the ones that wanted her to be close to God and serve

him for the rest of her life. Gerti herself even wanted to possibly run her own church

someday. Maybe she still could, but she’s too upset to make any permanent decisions of

that nature. As she continues to wallow in what could have been, she wants to start

focusing on what could be. After all, she could always join a nunnery.

Is Gerti really going to let a so-called “idol” define her? She has relied on idols

for so long that she doesn’t even know who she is. If she doesn’t know who she is, then

how will she be able to know what she wants from life? Nobody else is going to figure it

out for her. Not even if she hired a personal assistant to do it for her. Hey that’s a great

idea! Gerti should hire a personal assistant to do the thinking for her. That way, she

wouldn’t have to worry about laying eyes on another Pope ever again. She starts looking

online and taking down phone numbers. This is just sick. A 50-year-old man should not

be having a crush on Gerti. Just another reason she hates his guts.

Gerti is normally a smart girl with issues all her own and thinking she can’t

function without someone telling her what to do. Gerit now puts on her thinking cap and

tries to think if there is any chance she may have misplaced it and her imagination got the

best of her. Not really. She would have known if it was misplaced. Someone had to have

taken it and who besides Sheri would have been in the house whenever they weren’t

home? It’s highly unlikely.

The world just isn’t being fair to Gerti. She uses people to make her own

problems seem like they don’t exist. The more she tries to have problems to validate an

idol, the unhappier she’ll become. It’s a very sad but true fact. Gerti doesn’t really know

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how to be a friend. Sheri probably wasted some of the best time with her. How will she

be able to escape this one? Now nobody is going to want to work for her. What will

become of her? Maybe if Gerti had been a better boss and friend then she wouldn’t have

made a break for it. It’s a really sad day when friendships are based off of selfishness

instead of selflessness. Going back to rehab might be the best thing for Gerti. It might

teach her how to be a better friend in the future.

The future doesn’t look all that good anyway. There is so much to see do and

consider and Gerti wants to try and take advantage of it, but her issues always manage to

hold her back. Who will be by her side when she gets a craving and tells her not to eat it

or trying to break the record of the most push-ups beyond 100? She doesn’t know. Not

too many go to rehab for food addictions, unless it’s a serious eating disorder that

requires professional attention. Junk food is banned anyway. How will she survive?

Update: The Pope. He has officially been relieved of his duties at the church as

the Pope (for stealing from the refreshment table) and is now working a 9-5 at a

McDonalds nearby. Some change of pace for him. Instead of handing out advice, he’ll be

handing out burgers and fries. If only Gerti could see him now. It would do wonders for

her ego, which has been so heavily bruised. It would take a miracle for that to happen.

Well, she’ll always have the Me/Myself and I channel to fall back on if all else fails.

The church is supposed to teach good values and to be who you are no matter

what, but Gerti wasn’t buying into that. She’s not even buying into having “friends” or

so-called “idols” to lean on. They just let you down and they are not useful when you

need them. Gerti continues to wallow in her own misery surrounding by herself and her

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thoughts. They are some pretty powerful thoughts and they form into a rainbow of colors

in her head.

Hypocrisy knotted Gerti into a pretzel and not even her parents could understand

why she couldn’t get into the ultimate sin against humanity. Her Human Form was on the

horizon of every Sunday Mass and Gerti just wanted to sulk in her room. “Why do Mom

and Dad have to make me do this every single Sunday? Can they not see that I won’t

always have the same interests as them?” “Please do let them understand eventually!”

Gerti groans to herself. “What religious fanatics they are!” Talk about bitter. She must

have had one mighty foul tasting cup of coffee when she finally woke up. No shocker

there. She doesn’t even take cream or sugar with her coffee. Pure dark black gets her

through the day. Just like the other dark souls at the church just waiting to be fueled.

There’s now only one thing on Gerti’s mind. “How do I get a divorce from Christianity?”

Not so simple considering the majority of churches frown up divorce.

Gerti comes up with a plan and goes to confession to get the “paperwork” started

to file for this divorce. “I can’t believe I’m going to confess to a priest that I hate

church?” Gerti thinks to herself. As she makes her way to confession, the wind howls

with laughter as they see her make her way inside the building. “Great! Even the wind is

laughing at me.” Gerti bellows. Now, if only she could get it to shut-up, she could get this

over with. Requiring careful consideration, Gerti realizes that this “divorce” could take at

least 6 months to be finalized.

No matter how ridiculous the situation, Gerti has hopefully learned by now to let

her parents know exactly what she believes in. They should know by now that she won’t

agree with everything about their lives and what they feel is best for her. She carefully

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considers how to tell them about the “break-up”, but then feels it’s not necessary. She

doesn’t have to explain anything to them as she takes advantage of this important adult

decision.

Gerti continuously spent a lot of time thinking about her opposing views from her

parents. She finally realized that they were never going to change their minds and she

was never going to change hers and that was good enough for her. Hopefully one day her

parents will understand her better. Wandering around in her own thoughts, she

contemplates the cost of having her own set of rules. Her parents would soon realize that

continuing to fight about it would be pointless.

As a teacher, Gerti would have to teach students the importance of following their

own individual goals. Using her experience, she tries to help her students understand and

take charge of their own lives. Being raised a certain way doesn’t take away from have

dreams and living them to the fullest. The best part about being a teacher is that she can

teach whatever she wants without interference from her parents. If they were the teachers,

then for sure they would take over and force their way of thinking on them. If Vincent

and Reyna had their way, their students would be reading from the bible everyday before

and after classes.

Talk about a whirlwind of surprises. Gerti now learns that no matter how many

people she idolizes, she can’t keep expecting everyone to have the answers for her. She’ll

feel more satisfied when she comes up with answers herself. She even discontinued going

to church without having to discuss it with her parents. The best teacher is experience

and boy does she have a lesson to learn about whom she can and can’t trust. There are

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many people who try to prey off people’s insecurities. Exactly like the Pope with Gerti.

Her battle continues, but she WILL win the war.