Creating Conversations That Matter

Elaine Broe October 18 – 19, 2016

•  Increase your awareness on how to engage your community meaningfully

•  Assess your strengths and skill as a communicator

•  Practice deepening your empathy skills and identifying assumptions

•  Craft thoughtful questions to connect with your community members in new ways

Objectives

Why are we here?

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Who is Your Community?

Think back to a meaningful conversation you’ve had with someone in your life: •  What was it about? •  Who was it with? •  Why did it matter?

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Invitation Possibility Ownership Dissent Promises & Commitments Gifts

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6 Conversations: Peter Block

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Invitation conversation. Transformation occurs through choice, Invitation is the call to create an alternative future. What is the invitation we can make to support people to participate and own the relationships, tasks, and process that lead to success? Possibility conversation. What do we want our future to be as opposed to problem solving the past. Free people to innovate, challenge status quo and create futures that make a difference. Ownership conversation. Whose organization or task is this? How have I contributed to creating current reality? Confusion, blame and waiting for someone else to change are a defense against ownership and personal power. Dissent conversation. This gives people the space to say no. If you can’t say no, your yes has no meaning. Give people a chance to express their doubts and reservations, as a way of clarifying their roles, needs and yearnings within the vision and mission. Commitment conversation. Making promises to peers about your contribution to the success. It asks: What promise am I willing to make to this enterprise? It is a promise for the sake of a larger purpose, not for personal return. Gifts conversation. Rather than focus on deficiencies and weaknesses, we focus on the gifts and assets we bring and capitalize on those to make the best and highest contribution. Confront people with their core gifts that can make the difference and change lives.

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6 Conversations: Peter Block

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The Work of Innovation

Design Thinking

Design Thinking Flow

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Time Spent Communicating

Why do we Listen?

•  Obtain information •  To understand •  For enjoyment •  To Learn

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Level 1 : Internal Listening

Awareness is on ourselves. We listen to words but our attention is on what it means to us personally. Spotlight is on “me and information I want to hear or share”.

Level 2 : Focused Listening

Awareness is completely on the other person. You are a focused laser. You reflect tone, energy, and very aware of the impact of your listening. You take their lead, actively listening and checking.

Level 3 : Global Listening

You are at the centre of the universe with the person you’re listening to - receiving information through senses: see, hear, smell, feel. You are aware of the action, inaction and interaction. Your intuition and energy are alert.

Communication Styles

•  Recommendation: Advising & evaluating, action orientated, driver

•  Critical: Analyzing & interpreting, time orientated, analytical

•  Empathetic: Reassuring & supporting, paraphrasing, people orientated, amiable

•  Seeking Information: Questioning & probing, content orientated, expressive

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Person A: •  Speak for 3 minutes about that story. Person B:

•  Listen mindfully in silence •  Pay attention to what they are sharing •  At the end of 3 minutes, you will repeat

back a summary of what you heard •  Person A may correct or add on to

what you capture and repeat back.

What is a story about others that you tell yourself, that you need to let go of?

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Ownership Conversation

What is a story about about others or yourself that you tell yourself, that you might need to let go of?

•  What assumptions exist (stories you’ve created)

•  How might taking ownership impact your work?

•  What are you committed to paying attention to?

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PowerfulQues,ons

Powerful Questions

•  What is a memorable question that changed you?

•  How do you feel when someone

asks you a good question? •  What are your favorite questions to

ask?

•  Good questions are Personal, Ambiguous, Anxiety Provoking

Close Ended Questions

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Close ended questions: •  Can be answered with a short phrase or single word; “yes” or “no” Close ended questions: •  Give you facts •  Are quick and easy to answer •  Keep control of the conversation with the questioner Close ended questions often begin with: do, would, are, will, if.

Open Ended Questions An open ended question is likely to receive a long answer.

•  Open ended questions: •  Ask the respondent to think and

reflect. •  Give you opinions and feelings. •  Hand control of conversation to the

respondent.

Open ended questions often begin with: why, what, how, describe.

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3 Parts to a Question

•  The construction of a question •  The Scope of a question •  The Assumptions within questions

Construction of a Question why

how

what

who, when, where

which / yes or no questions

Scope of a Question

•  How can we best manage our work group?

•  How can we best manage our company?

•  How can we best manage our supply chain?

Exploring and seeking to understand instead of

asking for answers

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Conversations Start broad Don’t go straight for the jugular. Explore the wider context before honing in. They may surprise you with a different angle on it

Be curious: dig deeper “Tell me more about that” “I noticed....” “Why do you think that is?” “What would be an example of that?” “What did you feel about that?”

Ask for stories “Tell us about the last time you ....” Ask them to show you how they do something Help them to dream a bit “If you could have any resources, what would you do?”

Listen ... for what they want to say, not what you want to hear Don’t look for ‘the answer’ Don’t ask them what they want or try to validate assumptions at this stage. Your job is to understand their experience. Let them lead you Leave space for them to tell you things you’re not asking about. Silence is fine, don’t fill it. Stay neutral It’s not your job to judge or defend Don’t presume, e.g. don’t say “Don’t you hate it when...” In their own words... Take verbatim notes. The turn of phrase they use often has much greater richness and brings insights to life.

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Design Thinking: Empathy

Empathy

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Empathy consists of two parts: •  The intellectual identification with the

feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

•  The vicarious experiencing of those feelings, thoughts, or attitudes

•  It is not sympathy, which is a third person emotional response

•  Empathy involves putting oneself in another person’s shoes

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What do they

Think and Feel? What really counts

Major preoccupations Worries and Aspirations

What do they

See? Environment

Friends What the market offers

What do they

Hear? What friends say What boss say What influencers say

What do they

Say and Do? Attitude in public

Appearance Behaviors towards others

Pain Fears Frustrations Obstacles

Who are they

Gain Wants & needs

Measure of success Desire to achieve

Empathy Map Instructions Create the Map on the Flipchart

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•  Think about someone in your community you’d like to understand more •  Share briefly what might be most interesting to explore:

•  Gender, Age, Where do they live, what is their life like •  Land on a general theme with your group

•  As a team, create a persona together: a “real” person •  Could be an amalgamation of real people you know •  Pay attention to when you’re creating assumptions. •  Make the person come to life •  Call them by name

Debrief

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The work is to change the conversation, or more precisely, to have a conversation we have not had before. One that has the power to create something new. Peter Block