Critical ConversationsCrucial conversations

Structure of difficult conversations

1. The "What Happened" ConversationDisagreement about what happened, blame. Right vs wrong.

2. The Feelings ConversationWhat about the other person?

3. The Identity ConversationSelf-imageSelf-esteem

What makes conversations difficult?

1. Unpleasant, difficult to talk about

2. Dilemma: Avoid or confront

3. Delivering a difficult message

Target

-What we can’t change/ +what we canExplore each others’ stories

The Steps to Prepare

1. Get unstuckWhat is the right conversation to have?

What is at the heart of the matter?

2. Start with “heart”

What do I really want for myself,

the other person,

the relationship.

Steps

3. Make it safe

Our mutual purpose

Create mutual respect

4. Master the stories

What story is the other person telling?

Steps: STATEShare the facts…. “what”

Noncontroversial, persuasive, non-insulting

Tell my story as a storyConfidence, safety problems, contrasts

Ask questions to understandBe tentative

Talk tentativelyEncourage testing

Invite opposing views, mean it, devil’s advocate