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Courtship and Dating
ANSWERS – Reading Guide – Figure 3.8
See p. 68 – 70, 75 – 77 for additional information.
1. Source and Author
Source 1
Manners and Social Usages (1884) by Mary Elizabeth Wilson Sherwood 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Upper middle/upper class. As a young woman, Sherwood was the hostess for social events of in her father, a member of Congress, in their Washington D.C. home.
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
All ages. The advice suggests that she is writing for an audience that was seeking to move up in social status and wanted to know how to act in social situations.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Male or female.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
Men seek to visit women in their homes, but the woman must extend the invitation. Chaperones should be present when unmarried women are in the company of unmarried men. The last two paragraphs are advice especially for women that did not apply to men.
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Propriety, mutual respect, and American chivalry are expected of American men
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Exclusion from the society/social class that followed these rules. A “bad” marriage for a woman to a man of a lower social status. For women, the loss of respect of her social class/community.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
People of a lower social class (working class, immigrants), servants– but the middle/upper class or people that aspired to move up usually believed that people lower them in status should learn and follow middle/upper class rules of behavior.
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
upholding conservative traditions The following phrase suggests that the author endorses new forms of behavior - Gentlemen and ladies walk together in the daytime unattended, but if they ride on horseback a groom is always in attendance on the lady. In rural neighborhoods where there are not grooms, and where a young lady and gentleman go off for a drive unattended, they have thrown Old-World etiquette out of the window, and must make a new etiquette of their own. – but the rest of the advice is very traditional
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 2
Etiquette (1922) by Emily Post 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Emily Post was upper middle/upper class. Her father was a professional, she attended a “finishing” school and married a prominent New York banker in 1892 (divorced in 1905).
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
All ages. The advice suggests that she is writing for an audience that was seeking to move up in social status and wanted to know how to act in social situations. She also seems to be advising older people of the new customs of courtship and behavior between young men and women.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Male or female.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
The opening line suggests that women MUST have and use calling cards (more than men). WHO was it that said—in the Victorian era probably, and a man of course—“The only mechanical tool ever needed by a woman is a hair-pin”? He might have added that with a hair-pin and a visiting card, she is ready to meet most emergencies. In the Engagement section, Post notes that the rules of courtship have changed so that young men and women are more equal. - In winter at balls they sit at the same table for supper, they have little dances at their own homes, where scarcely any but themselves are invited; they play bridge, they have tea together, but whatever they do, they stay in the pack
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Post notes that the form of courtship in which the man and women “each was acting a role, he of an admirer and she of a siren” was going out of style.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Exclusion from the society/social class that followed these rules. A “bad” marriage for a woman to a man of a lower social status. For women, the loss of respect of her social class/community.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
People of a lower social class (working class, immigrants), servants– but the middle/upper class or people that aspired to move up usually believed that people lower them in status should learn and follow middle/upper class rules of behavior.
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
She seems receptive to the new styles of courtship in her descriptions and notes that the changes are In more than one way this group habit is excellent
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 3
Hints on Etiquette (1924) by Esther Floyd 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Unknown
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
The Little Blue Books were extremely popular educational booklets printed from 1919 to 1978 on hundreds of different topics. These inexpensive books would have been affordable to all social classes, which suggests that the author was writing for an audience that was seeking to move up in social status and wanted to know how to act in social situations.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
This excerpt seems to be more focused on a female audience.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
The author gives a lot of rules for young women in the “best society” – a long list of things NOT to do so that people will not think she is “cheap”.
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Men should not “honk” in the driveway for a woman to come to the car – the man should go to the door and meet the parents.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Exclusion from the society/social class that followed these rules. A “bad” marriage for a woman to a man of a lower social status. For women, the loss of respect of her social class/community.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary This advice would not apply of the man did not own a car or did not have the money to pay for a “date” that costs money.
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
upholding conservative traditions – but does recognize that new conservative rules must be developed because of new technology (an automobile) must
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 4 Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage (1940) by Emily Post
2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Emily Post was upper middle/upper class. Her father was a professional, she attended a “finishing” school and married a prominent New York banker in 1892 (divorced in 1905).
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
All ages. The advice suggests that she is writing for an audience that was seeking to move up in social status and wanted to know how to act in social situations. She also seems to be advising older people of the new customs of courtship and behavior between young men and women.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
This Question/Answer excerpt is aimed specially at a question from a female.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
Post sends mixed messages. First, she says that a “great lady” should not “see” social class, If you were a truly great lady it would not even occur to you that anyone could be embarrassed under your roof – ever! but at the end of the excerpt notes breaking an engagement is acceptable if social class lines to matter And if the car track boundaries still seem to you those of a foreign country, break your engagement
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Behavior not recommended for men in this excerpt
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Exclusion from the society/social class that followed these rules. A “bad” marriage for a woman to a man of a lower social status. For women, the loss of respect of her social class/community.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Mixed messages – she seems to say that the woman seeking advice should ignore social class distinctions but that social class distinctions between a husband and wife do matter
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 5
When We Meet Socially, A Guidebook to Good Form in Social Conventions (1940) by M’Ledge Moffett, Ph.D
2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Dean of Women, State Teachers College, Radford, Virginia Educated / middle class
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
This book was written to be a textbook in a high school or university classroom.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Could be for both men and women, but more likely to have been read by women in “home economics” classes.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
A woman always receives physical protection from a man. – suggests physically women are weaker A man must give a woman moral protection. – suggests women are morally weaker
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Men are expected to be physically stronger and help women into vehicles, chairs, out of a room Men are expected to avoid promiscuous petting to protect the morality of women
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Exclusion from the society/social class that followed these rules. A “bad” marriage for a woman to a man of a lower social status. For women, the loss of respect of her social class/community. Often fewer consequences when men broke these “rules.”
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Very conservative – still recommends some type of chaperone – . If the home contact is impossible, he should ask the lady to invite a sister or intimate friend to accompany them. Many young people who do not the protection of their own home or a suitable hostess available . . . arrange to “double date” with a couple who do have this protection.
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 6
Amy Vanderbilt’s Compete Book of Etiquette, A Guide to Gracious Living (1954) 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Amy Vanderbilt grew up in a middle class/upper middle class home but was probably a distant cousin of the very wealthy Vanderbilt family.
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
Parents of teens
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Parents of teens – both male and female, but more rules given for girls than boys
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
a girl should receive an attentive man in her own home a girl to know and become familiar with his background and interests.
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
a boy usually does pay for the entertainment of his special date boys should learn early to be unembarrassedly frank with girls about what entertainment they can afford to offer
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Exclusion from the society/social class that followed these rules. A “bad” marriage/ For women, the loss of respect of her social class/community. Often fewer consequences when men broke these “rules.”
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Describes the “new” types of dating but most of the advice is very traditional and like previous generations
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 7
The Art of Dating (1958) by Evelyn Millis Duvall 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
wrote or was co-author of a wide range of teen advice books and textbooks in the 1940s – 70s and was active in organizations dedicated to marriage, child development, and sex education. She taught in the sociology department at the University of Chicago.
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
teenagers
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Seems to be both – but really advice for females
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
No girl wants to appear “too easy.”
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Some sophisticated fellows say, “Sure I try, but I don’t really expect to get a good-night kiss the first date.” If such a fellow does get the kiss, he may wonder about how many other boys have also been favored.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Girls that gave out too many kisses might be labeled as “too easy” but no consequences for the boys.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
conservative traditions
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 8
McCall’s Book of Everyday Etiquette, A Guide to Modern Manners (1960) 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
McCall’s Magazine was a popular monthly women’s magazine of the 20th century, published from 1897 – 2002. The peak of its circulation was in the 1960s with over 8 million subscribers.
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
Adult women of all ages.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Female
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
Excerpt suggest that women are no longer consider the inferior sex, but that manners still are based on that assumptions That is, on the question of what time to come home after a date, you don’t allow your daughter to stay out most of the night because one under supervised girl in her class does. Neither do you make her come home two hours earlier than most of the others just because your neighbor’s daughter does. Girls can go out at a younger age than boys. - Girls of fourteen to sixteen (and slightly older boys, usually) go to the theatre and late movies, and occasionally even respectable night clubs
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
The excerpt does not mention a time for boys to be home. Boys are to protect the morals of girls - But you should teach your son that he neither goes himself nor takes a girl to a place with an unsavory reputation such as a pool hall or a questionable night club.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Girls that did not follow the “rules” might get an “unsavory reputation”
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Advocating some new patterns of behavior by acknowledging the expectations vary in different locations and among different groups of people - – notes that there is a wide variety of teenage behavior “among communities and social groups” and says parents’ decisions about teen behavior “depends on where you live, whom you know – and above all what the other kids do.” - but also follows very conservative expectations that are different for boys and girls
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 9
Sex and the Single Girl (1962) by Helen Gurley Brown 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
best known as the editor of Cosmopolitan magazine from 1965 – 1997
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
Unmarried women
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Female
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
This authors suggests that women do not need men and do not have to get married, but recommends that women act very feminine around men (be attractive physically, talk about things that interest men, wear fashionable clothing) to attract a man
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
The qualities of men are not directly described, but the author suggests that they are easily fooled by smart, attractive women.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Answers will vary.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answer will vary
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
While it seems to be advocating new patterns of behavior (women did not have to be married and could have fun before marriage) – the author suggests throughout the book that a woman needs a man (and his money) – whether she marries him or not. The author does not say that men and women were equal or should act the same.
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 10
Modern Etiquette (1963) 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
unknown
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
Dating teens and parents
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
The advice in this excerpt is mostly for girls.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
Girls who act like ladies are treated like ladies. Several rules are given for girls that are not recommended to the boys. Girls must pretend to have a good time, whether they do or not.
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Boys must plan and pay for the date, open the doors, help the girl.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Answers will vary.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary.
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Mostly conservative traditions but the author does say that a boy can try for a goodnight kiss (instead of recommending against all physical contact as earlier advice books were likely to do)
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 11
Amy Vanderbilt’s Etiquette (1972) by Amy Vanderbilt 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Amy Vanderbilt grew up in a middle class/upper middle class home but was probably a distant cousin of the very wealthy Vanderbilt family.
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
Parents, teens, single adults.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Both but most of the advice is for the behavior of girls.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
Girls were to be responsible for birth control. Girls should NOT “barge ahead like a militant woman” but should pretend to be weaker. Girls should not “denigrate the masculine role” because it “can also be destructive to the relationship”
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities.
No specific advice for boys in this excerpt but boys were assumed to be easily discouraged if they are not allowed to “to think of themselves as strong and protective”
Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Answers will vary.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary.
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Mostly conservative tradition as the author suggests that even though men and women are equal, the woman should pretend that she is weaker.
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
1. Source and Author
Source 12
Emily Post’s Etiquette, 14th edition (1985) by Elizabeth L. Post 2. Year of Publication
3. Social status of author
Elizabeth L. Post was the granddaughter-in-law of etiquette writer Emily Post. She succeeded Emily Post at The Emily Post Institute and revised the works of Emily Post from 1865 to 1992, as well as writing on etiquette for several magazines.
4. Age and role of intended audience Parents, teenagers, single adults? Other groups?
Parents, teens, single adults.
5. Is intended audience male or female or both?
Both but most of the advice is for the behavior of women.
6. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable feminine qualities Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer
women should pretend to be the weaker sex so that they do not threaten a man – If a young woman wants a young man to like her – and presumable she does if she wants to ask him out – she will be much wiser to let him think that it is his idea than to be too obvious. Of course, she can do all the asking she wants, and she probably won’t even be criticized with the current approval of woman’s independence, but she may find that she is alienating the very person she wants to impress. A young woman who knows how to use her femininity and her charm to attract the man she wants, instead of displaying her independence and “strength” to bowl him over, has a far better chance of success.
7. Words/phrases that describe socially acceptable masculine qualities. Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
No specific advice for men in this excerpt but men were assumed to be easily discouraged if women are too aggressive.
8. Did the intended audience actually follow this advice? Why or why not?
Some did, some did not.
9. What were the consequences of not following this advice?
Answers will vary.
10. To what groups of people might this advice NOT apply or be appropriate?
Answers will vary.
11. Is the author upholding conservative traditions of the past OR advocating new patterns of behavior Cite or circle the sentences or phrases that support your answer.
Mostly conservative tradition as the author suggests that even though men and women are equal, the woman should pretend that she is weaker.
12. Is this advice still given today? If not, what is the modern expectation for behavior?
Answers will vary
13. Are the assumptions about sex roles and gender in this advice still present today? If not, what are the modern assumptions about sex and gender?
Answers will vary
Copyright © 2017 by Cynthia W. Resor. All rights reserved.
From companion website http://teachingwiththemes.com/
for
Exploring Vacation and Etiquette Themes in Social Studies: Primary Source Inquiry for Middle and High School by Cynthia Williams Resor. Published by Rowman and Littlefield (2017)
