Coping with the Big Ca collection of poetry from cancer fighters, survivors and those who support them

illustration by Amie Hill

Message from Paralympic Gold Medallist

Richard Whitehead, patron of Sarcoma UK:

I hope Coping with the Big C helps anyone who has been affected by cancer or coping

with cancer right now.

Message from Marc Woods,

Paralympic gold medallist:

When I was diagnosed with an osteosarcoma at 17 I was placed onto a geriatric unit for treatment and whilst the staff were great it was clearly not an ideal

environment for me. The treatment was brutal and the anti-sickness drugs almost as bad. Teenage Cancer Trust

didn’t exist and research into this form of cancer was limited. That was back in 1987. Since then I have competed at five Paralympic Games and won 12 medals. More importantly though, Teenage Cancer Trust has built dozens of cancer

units and the Bone Cancer Research Trust are challenging the medical profession to find new ways

to treat this brutal disease. I’m delighted to be able to support this book and the good

work it does.

I was diagnosed with a benign tumour in 2005 at 18 and

osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in my sacrum at 21. I enjoyed doing art lessons whilst going

through chemotherapy at University College Hospital London. By creating this book with Fixers, I wanted to

show others the positive effect art and poetry can have to help you cope with what I call the BIG C. The final push to

physically get this project off the ground was when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2012.

I hope this helps anyone affected by cancer to feel that they’re not alone. Everyone’s experience of cancer is different. Do what feels right for you. You will have good and bad days, you’re only human.

Becki McGuinnessEditor

About Fixers

Fixers helps 16-25 year olds speak out about anything they want to change. Becki became a Fixer to produce this book, which she hopes will be a big encouragement to

anyone affected by cancer. For more information about Fixers,

please visit www.fixers.org.uk

Coping with the Big C

“You matter because you are you, and you matter to the

last moment of your life.” Dame Cicely Sanders

(1918-2005)

Becki dedicates this book to:

Leah Joseph, Julia Bennett, Nic Hughes, Chloe Drury,

Hannah Booth, Harry Moseley, Ben Edkins, Ellis Haggith,

Laura Lesley Shannon-Connolly and Derek a.k.a. ‘Del’ Slyfield

Cancer doesn’t DISCRIMINATE,if anything it manipulates!

The first day you’re diagnosed,Is like someone’s reached in and stolen your soul,

your heart and happiness all in one go.You nearly feel you can’t breathe,

With the disbelief of what you’re feeling.I’ll never forget that day I was diagnosed,

How I felt, how fast time went by.That moment in time it’s like a blur.You start welling up with emotions,

Rushing around your head like someone switched on a button!And you suddenly feel the most horrendous emotional pain with thoughts on overdrive.

Will I survive???What’s the percentage for survival rates with the cancer I have?

I’ve never wanted to know so many statistics,trying to work it out mathematically and concluding with the probability that I’ll get

worse.It’s easy to say think positive like the majority of people say to you with a serious illness BUT it’s very HARD to re-wire your emotional thoughts at that moment in

time.You’re only human, your instinct kicks in to cope with the bone cancer.

Even if you get the prognosis of full remission,There is always the fear of getting a different cancer from all the radiation treatment

and X-rays I’ve had.IT’S A CATCH 22! BUT WHAT AM I TO DO! :-(

Cancer doesn’t DISCRIMINATE,

if anything, it manipulates!

POEM:BeckI McGuinNessILLUSTRATION:Dan Evans

You have given us enough grief

Cancer you are a thief

You’ve taken too many precious lives

It takes a lot to survive

We want to make you aware

Cancer you are a huge nightmare

So we’re gunna take you on

Time for us to be strong

You ought to move on now

From the brain, lung and bowelWe are fiFIghters: we’ll beat you

Lose your place in the queue

So Cancer hope you now see

And consider our massive worldwide plea

Cancer I hope you will agree

You are not invited for tea!

Yours (in no sympathy)

The Fighters (and Friends of patients)... of Cancer

Dear Cancer

POEMby Sarah Galley

ILLUSTRATIONby Carly Susman

POEMby Mel Charles

ILLUSTRATIONby Katie Harris

‘

I love my mommy.... The day we were told was the worst it can get

Four weeks to live, get ready, get set.Our family, so close and loving for sure

How could this be true, our mother, so pure?

Not a cigarette smoked nor a drink passed her lipsShe always ate well, always followed the ‘tips’She walked every day, and ate all her ‘greens’

Surely this can’t be as true as it seems?

So along came the treatment, the drugs and the pillsOne day she was well, the next was so ill.

Her friends rallied round, they always were thereThe love and support, the help and the care!

So weeks turned to months and a year came to passOur mum was so brave and daily we laughed.

Not a moment of pity nor a minute of painThe nurses came daily come sun or come rain.

She lived every day as if ‘twere a giftRejoiced in the love that gave her a ‘lift’

We laughed and we cried and spoke about lifeNo stone left unturned, we discussed every strife.

Our mum passed away just three months ago.Should we feel sad? A little, but NO!

We were given a year in which to rejoiceIt was far too soon but we had no choice.

We do not feel sorrow, no tears or regrets.That year was the best, the best it could get!We spent time together, discussing the past

And thanking each other for our love that will last.

So yes, mum had cancer, a terrible fearBut it wasn’t all sadness, wow! What a year

When she finally left us she was peaceful and calmNo need for hysterics, screams or alarm.

When she passed she was happy, relaxed and at restWe all knew her treatment was simply the best.

She lives on in our hearts and will always be hereHer love will continue, year after year.

Do not be afraid of this horrible wordCancer is not such a terrible sword.

We all have to die whether now or in time,Just rejoice in the day, we all wait in line.

The year, it was hard, not easy for sureBut the time we were given was joyful and pure.

We knew that her days were not to be longBut at last she’s at peace and still singing her song.

POEMby Emma Lownsborough

ILLUSTRATIONby Melanie Bamert

In memory of the most wonderful

mother, Janet James. 1939-2013.

The best!

Cancer is nothing

It’s not contagious, so you can’t catch itIts not communicable, so you can’t give itYou can do things like smoke that can help it developBut just as many don’t do it as do get sick too. We aren’t strong for survivingWe sure as hell aren’t weak for being killed.Cancer is nothing.Poem written by Acacia WarwickIllustrated by Lauren Nicholas (backwards flower pic) – waiting on high res version.

Balls aren’t everything.

But by god they mean a lot.

Check them now. Go cup.

You can fight us now, but one day we’ll find

the cure,you won’t defeat us.

HAIKU

Thom Norman

Dan Broadbent 

I can’t remember days gone past,Someone who always put themselves last,

Your selfless acts performed every day,Fixing problems in your special way.

You were always there to lend a hand,You never failed to understand.

Now you’re gone, all we can hear,Is just how many held you dear,

The messages have come from everywhere,From all your friends who show they care.

It’s clear to see, just how much,Peoples lives were graced by your touch,

We all enjoyed your smiles and smirks,And chuckled at your funny quirks,“Simon, Tim, Jon, Pete!” you’d say,

You’ll get our names right first time one day,Telling Jon and Tim off for things they’ve bought,

And Dad for watching too much sport,We really didn’t mind what you’d say,

We knew you loved us anyway.You always brought so much joy,To every Grandchild, girl and boy,

As stated by Adam, your little man,They’ll miss their Wonderful Super Nan,

We’ll always cherish your happy face,Now you’ve left us for a better place.

We all will really miss you Mum,You’ll always be our number one.

Number one Mum

POEMby Tim Eastwood

ILLUSTRATIONby Victoria Goldsmith

POEMby Charlotte Newman

ILLUSTRATIONby Katie Harris

I find I have a squatterThat’s sneaked in to my placeIt’s trying to control meAnd grab itself more space

But now I know it’s in thereI’m gonna kick it outQuietly if possibleBut if I must, I’ll shout

It’s been there for a while nowBut I’ve just become awareMy squatter’s realisingThat I’m difficult to scareI’m getting help in bucketloads

In oh, so many waysThe squatter’s time is running outI really won’t be fazed

My squatter is just mutant cellsThat sit there in a massSo get your bags packed cancer,I’m gonna kick your ass

Evicting My Squatter

POEMby Marian Dunn

© KB 2013

Poem written by Kester Brewin (Becki’s old teacher)Illustrated by Amie Hill

We are all clear:you multiply

and then divideand multiply againalways subtracting

never addingany good thing.

We remain clear thattoo many unknowns remainfor us, yet, to find a solution

to break you downopen up your dark mechanisms -

yet, be clear,we will become equal to you

greater than, indeed,and in time, we believe

you will decrease.You are not a battle

not a personto be fought or overcome.

You are shadowsand disease

faceless, heartless,a small error magnified

that we will correctthrough our tireless working:

strength and love and brilliancewill prove you wrongand pass on to others

in a future still to cometwo great words

to cross out your fearyou are 100%you are now:

All Clear.

ALL CLEAR

You were born to be a joker and a dancerput smiles on people’s faces everywhere you go

cut your moves fast and slowjust like a one man show

You were born to be a lover not a fighterthere’s nobody could dislike your ways

every room was so brighteryou could turn the darkest night into day

Now you’re up there with the angels on highI bet you’ve got ‘em rolling in the aisles

they’re so glad to have you thereto put some atmosphere in their air

Now you’re gone but you’re not forgottenyou put your handprint on every heart

you’re the joker and the dancerto the joy of life you are the answer

YOU WERE BORN TO BE A JOKER & A DANCER

Poem by Neil Bradman in memory of his son who passed away from cancer in 2010, aged 25

ILLUSTRATION: by Salma

POEMby Kester Brewin(Becki’s former teacher)

‘‘Behind Dave Kirkwood’s MicroMob Twitter art is the belief in strength through

numbers and that only together can we beginCOPING WITH THE BIG C’’

Dom conlon

ILLUSTRATION‘Micromob’© Dave Kirkwood Studio 2013

Alien invasion“The Alien” my nine year old named itSize of a grape in July, large satsuma by SeptemberNestled in the bottom of my bra: triple negative – no rhyme nor reasonA pregnancy in reverse the experienceFirst the hospital admission – distant smiling consultantCaring for the scar like a newbornBreast Care nurses like experienced midwivesReassure “this is all perfectly normal – don’t worry”Then the clinics – blood tests, morning sickness, changing body shape, restricted dietSharing banter once a month with the rest of the cancer clan.Last the scans, exposing your body, technicians measuring, lying prone on a table – has it really gone?Now a year later the return to normality; almost forgottenJust a gap in the right eyelashAnd a neat horizontal scar to remind me ofMy right breastAlways the biggest, served its purposeNourished two children, then redundant before the squatter invadedNow gone foreverReplaced by a beanbag.

POEMby Mandy Davidson

ILLUSTRATIONby Neomi

Aged 30 I was told I had cancer and being upset wasn’t the answer,A Sarcoma, which is very rare, I was scared of losing my hair.

My treatment was urgently needed, Save my life to the doctor I pleaded.I was going to lose my leg below the knee but I knew this would never stop me.

To my wonderful friend and angel Ben, in heaven one day we will meet again.The last ten months I’ve been through hell but now with my new leg I’m doing so well.

I thought I would die but oh how I was wrong, I never knew that I could be so strong.

Now the tumour is gone and I’m cancer free but I’ll live my life as an amputee.

To the love of my life there’s a lot I owe thee and to you I say that you complete me.

The one last thing that I want to make clear, hope is the only thing stronger than fear………

POEMby Peter Daintree

ILLUSTRATIONby Wayne Chisnall

ChancerAugust 29th will we ever forget?

Looking for an answer to a few pounds lostand a bit of an ache

A long day of testingThen meeting the doctor

Who couldn’t dress up what he had to present.A chancer was squatting deep in my home

Spreading its poison within different rooms.

A home invasion without provocationA shock to our senses which knocked us for six.

All is not lost, he said to us thenAs we gathered our courage and prepared to dig-in.

I’m keeping you in until plans have been madeI need a biopsy to confirm my belief

And you need a port to assist your relief.I know an oncologist whose speciality is that

He’ll get you sorted I’ve no fear of that.

At last time together to assemble our thoughtsAnd this new emotion and this awful word.

Fear and CancerCancer and Fear.

A quick prayer together then made a few callsTo family and friends who rallied around.

We were taken to a ward to wait on our fateAnd messages arriving asking us to ‘Keep the Faith’.

Days passed and procedures took placeAnd Pio’s relic arrived from our North-Western shore.

Then I was transferred to‘Our Lady of Knock’

With views one would pay for, or, maybe notAs it was also known as Oncology.

I met the man who would lead the attackWho would rout the chancer, which had invaded my life.

It would open with Oxaliplatin, his heaviest weaponThen Irinotecan to pummel the chancer

And finish with 5FU in concentrated form.

A plan will last until the war begins then changesAs collateral damage begins.

Treatment was scheduled to the Day-unit we wentOur first day went by in a daze

With briefings and introductions to chemos and staff.Trolleys with needles, contraptions and tubesPatients with newspapers, prayers and iTunes.

Nurses all chat and jolly in whiteThen clad in protection as they started the fight.

A cycle had started each lasting two weeksThe chemo, the pump, the flush and the needle.

The cold, the appetite loss, the weariness and the runs.Unnoticed at first, an odd one here and thereBut soon all around us were clumps of hair.

February came and twelve cycles were done.

Oncology stood down but the team carried on.John Morgan, Joe Gallagher, Saints Pio, Peregrine, Teresa and Martin

Our Lady, our Guardian Angels, our families, our friendsAnd we, we carry on.

POEMby John McGuinness, pancreatic cancer fighter and Becki’s dad

ILLUSTRATIONby Jenny Jackson

Cancer is nothing

It’s not contagious, so you can’t catch itIts not communicable, so you can’t give it

You can do things like smoke that can help it developBut just as many don’t do it as do get sick too.

We aren’t strong for survivingWe sure as hell aren’t weak for being killed.

Cancer is nothing.

POEMby Acacia Warwick

Recommended Blogs and website links www.copingwiththebigc.co.uk

ninajoy.com/

http://paperdollybird.blogspot.co.uk/

drkategranger.wordpress.com/2013/08/04/painting-the-picture

http://jsjcreations-edenrose.blogspot.co.uk

http://chris-cancercommunity.blogspot.co.uk/

https://www.myhealth.london.nhs.uk/health-communities/get-to-know-cancer

http://www.butterflygiving.org.uk/

http://www.makingartpersonal.org/

http://www.cancerbuddiesnetwork.org/index.php

http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk

www.hhho.org.uk/

www.teenagecancertrust.org

A big thanks to

The poets and illustrators from around the world who contributed to this book.

My family for supportingme.

A big thanks to my dad for helping me with the content and for contributing a poem

Bone Cancer Research Trustwww.bcrt.org.uk

and

Sarcoma UKwww.sarcoma.org.uk

for their advice and support

A final message from Becki’s oncologist

“I feel privileged to have been Becki’s oncologist since she was first diagnosed with an osteosarcoma in 2008. I have watched her cope with the challenging side effects of intensive chemotherapy and radiotherapy, the longer term effects of her cancer and its treatment and learning to live with the uncertainty of the future.

She continues to amaze and surprise me and this book is a testament to her will to raise awareness and help others like her and their supporters. She is a true inspiration!”

Dr Sandra Strauss MRCP PhDSenior Clinical Lecturer and Consultant Medical Oncologist

ILLUSTRATIONby SpreadGlitters