CONFIDENCE AT WORK - English UK€¢Coping with Conflict •Dealing with Requests - saying “NO” •Handling Criticism •Giving Criticism •Managing put-downs © Gladeana McMahon,

© Gladeana McMahon, 2014 1

CONFIDENCE AT WORK

Gladeana McMahon FBACP, FAC, FIMS, FRSA. FISMA.


Why does Confidence Matter?

• Reaching full potential

• Taking risks

• Communicating and engaging

• Effective leadership

• Personal well-being


Confidence

• What is Confidence?

• How do you know if someone is

confident?


Confidence Programme

Has 4 parts:

Confident Manner (Body Language and social

skills)

Confident Thoughts (thinking styles)

Confident Feelings (emotions)

Confident Behaviour (acting confidently)


Confidence and Genetics

The Bad News 50% Genetic 10% Life Experiences


Confidence and Genetics

The good news 40% is within your control

Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9, 111-131. USA.


Confident manner Body Language

Understanding First impressions

•Body language

•Eye contact

•Facial expressions


Confident Manner Body Language

•Posture

•Gestures

•Modelling confident people

•Standing in front of the mirror to practice


Confident Manner Social Skills

•Open Questions what, where, when, how and

why?

•OPEN Model (occupation, personal relationships,

environment, non-work time)

•Risk Taking

•Listening skills (LEARN - Listen, Evaluate and

Respond Now)

Confident Manner A Different Perspective

Useful Feedback

Choose two people and ask them 4 questions:

• What do you like most about me?

• What aspect about my personality would you like

to change and why?

© Gladeana McMahon, 2014

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Confident Manner A Different Perspective

• How do you think I come across to new people?

• What could I do to give new people a better

impression of me?


Confident Manner What motivates you?

Money

Status

Security

Achievement

Power

Friendship

Love

Praise


Confident Thoughts Keeping a Diary

• Event (date, time, where, when, who was involved?) • Appraisal (the thoughts that go through your

mind) • Emotion (what you felt) • Response (what you did) • Review of What you could have done differently? (e.g. thoughts, actions etc.)


Confident Thoughts Robinson’s Learning Stages

STAGE ONE

Unconsciously incompetent

STAGE TWO

Unconsciously incompetent

STAGE THREE

Consciously competent

STAGE FOUR

Unconsciously competent


Confident Thoughts Optimism versus Pessimism

Exercise • Name 3 people you feel optimistic around and say why? • Name 3 situations where you have felt optimistic and say why?



Exercise • Name 3 people you feel pessimistic around and say why? • Name 3 situations you feel pessimistic about and say why?



Exercise

• Improve your optimism

• List 3 good things that have happened to you at the end of each day and say why they were good

• Replace negative thinking with realistic thinking

• Make a list of positive “inner dialogue” and repeat on a daily basis e.g. “I am getting better at x and can do more than I could before”


Confident Thoughts Types of Cognitive Distortions

• All or nothing thinking ("I pass or I fail", "you win or you lose"," it's right or it's wrong") • Mind reading ("she didn't look at me therefore she I must have done something to

upset her") • Fortune telling ("I just know they think I am boring") • Magnification

("Oh my God this is SO dreadful")


Confident Thoughts Types of Cognitive Distortions

• Blame ("It's all his/her/my fault") • Overgeneralization

("all men/women are untrustworthy", “people will always laugh at me")

• Shoulds, Musts, Have to's and Ought

("I/you/she/he/they must..have to..ought to”)

• Emotive language (strong language to self reducing confidence)


Confident Thoughts Thought Stopping

• Imagine a “stop sign” • Shout “stop” in your head • Place an elastic band round your wrist and “ping” it


Confident Thoughts Helping Yourself

• Put it in writing - identify error

• Find counter examples • Befriend your self • Test your assumptions • Think in increments

• Talk to other people • Clarify your meaning • Edit your thoughts • Broaden the picture • Visualization


Confident Thoughts Other Techniques

• Modelling yourself on someone you think handles situations well - what to they do/say?

• Reviewing situations and thinking what went well and what you could have done differently?

• Exercises such as a simple walk can help

• Nutrition is important caffeine, blood sugar levels etc.



• Sleep needs to be regular if possible

• Act as if you are confident

• Stress makes things worse



• Big I little I

• Thoughts Form

• Responsibility Pie


Confident Feelings Responsibility Pie


Cost / Benefit Analysis

Name Date Problem

COST BENEFIT

Write down the problem you are experiencing and, on the right hand side, write down all of the benefits of continuing to stay as you are. Then on the left hand side write down all the costs (emotional, practical, financial etc.) of continuing.


Confident Feelings Confidence Draining Negative Emotions

Anxiety

Some tips for dealing with Anxiety include:

• Keeping a worry book

• Limiting worrying to half an hour a day at a specified time

• Relaxation


Confident Acts Problem Solving

6 Stage Model:

Stage One = Identify the Problem “What’s

Wrong?”

Stage Two = Selecting Goals “What do I want

to happen?”



Stage Three = Options and Consequences

“How can I get what I want and what are

the pros and cons of doing this?”

Stage Four = Decision Making “This is what

I’ll do”



Stage Five = Action “I’m doing it now”

Stage Six = Evaluating the Outcome “What

went well and what could I have done

differently?”


Confident Acts Assertiveness

Personality Types:

• Passive / Non-Assertive

• Aggressive

• Passive-Aggressive/Indirectly Aggressive

• Assertive



Impact:

• How I feel?

• What I think?

• How I behave?

• How others behave towards me?



Skills:

• 3 step-model

• Repetition/broken record

• Negative Feelings Assertion

• Workable Compromise



Skills:

• Deflecting

• Discrepancy Assertion

• Thinking it over time



Skills for particular situations:

• Coping with Conflict

• Dealing with Requests - saying “NO”

• Handling Criticism

• Giving Criticism

• Managing put-downs


Confident Acts Predict and Response Plan

Predict

• What could happen

• All the things that could happen

Prepare

• What can be done to deal with the problems

Practice

• Strategies


Confident Acts Predict and Response Plan Practice

• When will I practice?

• Where will I practice?

• With whom?

Lazarus 1992


Confident Acts: PR Plan Worksheet

Situation:

Feeling (rate 0-10)

(1) Predict what bad things might happen if you did this.

(2) Prepare coping resources. What could you do when this happens?

A)

A)

B)

B)

C)

C)

D)

D)

E)

E)

F)

F)


Further Reading : CBC Performance Coaching for Dummies, McMahon, G. Leimon, A. John Wiley & Sons (2008) Essential Business Coaching. Leimon, A, Moscovici, F, McMahon, G. London: Brunner Routledge (2006) Life Coaching: A Cognitive Behavioural Approach. Neenan, M. and Dryden, W. London: Brunner-Routledge. (2000) Confidence Works – Learn to be your own Life Coach. McMahon. G. London: Sheldon Press, (2001) No More Anxiety – be your own Anxiety Coach. McMahon. London: G. H, Karnac (Books) Ltd (2005) Achieving Excellence in your Coaching Practice. McMahon, G, Palmer, S, Wilding, C. London: Brunner-Routledge (2006) No More Anger, McMahon, G, Karnac (Books) Ltd (2008) No More Stress, McMahon, G, Karnac(Books) Ltd (2009) Cognitive Behavioural Coaching Techniques for Dummies, H, Whitten. John Wiley & Sons (2009)


Thank you for listening

[email protected] www.cognitivebehaviouralcoachingworks.com

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.cognitivebehaviouralcoachingworks.com/

Documents

CONFIDENCE AT WORK - English UK€¢Coping with Conflict •Dealing with Requests - saying “NO” •Handling Criticism •Giving Criticism •Managing put-downs © Gladeana McMahon,