Commercial Correspondence Ashley

5/20/2018 Commercial Correspondence Ashley

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OXFORD HANDBOOK OF

Commercial

Correspondence

A.Ashley

O x f o r d

universitypress


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Introduction

age

5

1 Letters, faxes, and emails

2

Content and style

9

3 Enquiries

8

4

Replies and quotations

7

5

Orders

( 5

Payment

6

7

Complaints and adjustments

9

S

Credit

17

Banking

3 7

2t

Agents and agencies

68

Transportation and shipping

8 5

Insurance

21

Miscellaneous correspondence

4 1

1

,4

Memos and reports

50

a.Z

Personnel appointments

66

Answer key

82

Glossary

88

Index

97


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Co rrespondence, wh ether it is by letter, fax, or

email , is a key aspect of the wo rld of com merce

and b usiness. It reflects on the com petence and

professionalism o f the person wh o h as w ritten

it and the company he or she wo rks for. Clear,

effective co rrespondence is a n im portant part

of running an efficient business, and c an

promote go od relations. Unclear or confusing

correspondence can cause many problems,

and ca n lead to m isunderstandings, delays,

lost business, and poor relations between

individuals, departments, and com panies.

Therefore, w riting skills w hat is written and

how

it is expressed should be as m uch a part

of a business education as acco untancy or

economics.

The O xford Handbook of Com m ercial

Correspondence

is intended for people w ho

need to write com m ercial correspondence in

English as part of their work , and for students

of business and com merce w ho plan to ma ke a

career in the business world. It aim s to provide

practical help in writing com m ercial

correspondence o f all kinds, including letters,

faxes, emails, reports, memos, social

correspondence, and application letters and

cvs. It explains how to w rite clearly and

effectively, and dem onstrates how it is possible

to be polite without seeming timid, direct yet

not rude, concise rather than abrupt, and firm

but not inflexible.

Users of earlier editions of this boo k w ill

notice that, wh ile it retains the core elem ents

of previous editions, this third edition ha s been

revised and upda ted to reflect changes and

developments in com m ercial correspondence,

in particular the wider use of em ail in the

business world.

The b ook deals with the structure,

presentation, content, and style of all kinds of

correspondenc e. It covers various types of

transaction including enquiries, quotations,

orders, payments, credit, complaints, and

adjustments, and provides background

information and examples of com m ercial

correspondence from the main types of

com mercial organization, for exam ple banks,

insurance com panies, agencies, and

companies involved in transportation,

including shipping.

For the purposes of this book, we ha ve

chosen the blocked style of correspondence

with no punctuation and have used some

representative styles of presentation and

layout. You m ay find other ways of doing

things which are perfectly acceptable, and

individual com panies m ay have their own

preferred style for correspondence . The mo st

impo rtant thing is to be clear and c onsistent in

whatever you choose to do.

Unit 1 introduces the three ma in kinds of

com mercial correspondence letters, faxes,

and em ails. The characteristic features of each

are illustrated w ith exam ples, and guidance is

given on when each kind should be used. Unit 2,

again fully illustrated with examples, deals

with the im portant areas of content and style.

Each unit thereafter follows the sam e pattern:

An introduction to the topics covered in the

unit, and a n explanation of key terminology

and the functions of the organizations likely

to be involved.

An analysis of the objectives to aim for w hen

you are writing, w ith, wh ere appropriate,

lists of alterna tive phrases, sentences, or

paragraphs w hich you c an substitute in

different situations.

Exam ple correspondence and transactions,

together with comprehension questions

focusing on content, vocab ulary, style, and

the roles of the correspond ents.

At the end of the unit, a summ ary of key

information in 'Points to remem ber' to

refresh your m emory.

At the back of the book yo u will find:

An answer key to the comprehension

questions.

A new glossary of useful business and

com mercial vocabulary to help you

consolidate and build your know ledge.

A revised and extended index to help you

access information throughout the book

quickly and easily.

The acco mpanying Workbook provides

supplementary practice m aterial.

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The c orrespondence and do cuments used

reflect authentic transactions and supply

informa tion abo ut com mercial practice in the

UK. The Handbo ok also helps you to gain a

better understanding of the som etim es

confusing roles of different com merc ial

organizations, e.g. merchant bank s and

commercial banks, Lloyd's and other insurance

com panies, The Baltic Exc hange and the

Shipping Conference.

The Ox ford Handbook of Comm ercial

Correspondence

has been designed to provide

a co mprehensive guide and reference to the

essential writing skills needed in the

com mercial world. Above all, we hope that this

book will enable you to improve your writing

skills so that you can approach a ny business

writing task with increased confidence.

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O i p

Letters

8

LAYOUT 1

Lt)

8

Sender's address

8

Date

I

8

Inside address

Di

1 0

Attention line

1 0

Salutation

1 1

Body of the letter

1 1

Complimentary close

Signature

12 LAYOUT 2

12 Letterhead

12

References

14 Per pro

14 Job title

14 Enclosures

1 4

LAYOUT

3

14 Private and confidential

14 Subject title

14 Copies

1 4

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES

Faxes

16 INTRODUCTION

16

Preparing for transmission

16 STYLE

EXAMPLES

17

Advice of damaged consignment

18 Response to importer's enquiry

19 Fax accompanying an order

Emails

20 INTRODUCTION

zo Advantages

20

Disadvantages

20

Email and other forms of correspondence

20

Email addresses

21 LAYOUT

21 Header information

21

Message text

21 Signature

22 STYLE

22

Email abbreviations

EXAMPLES 23

Asking for an estimate

24

Making arrangements for an estimate

25

Asking for infcrmation

26 Request for goods on approval

27 Reply to request for goods on approval

Points to remember

28 Letters

28 Faxes

28 Emails


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Letters

LAYOUT 1>

The letter opposite is from a private individual

in Denmark to a com pany in the UK. It show s

the basic fea tures of a simple business letter.

Sender's address

In correspondence that does not have a

LET TERHEAD, the sender's address is placed in

the top right-hand co rner of the page. It is also

acceptable, but less comm on, to place it in the

top left-hand c orner. Punctuation is rarely used

in addresses these days.

The LOCKED STY LE is the most widely

used, i.e. each line starts directly below the one

above.

In contrast with practice in som e other

countries, in the UK it is not usual to w rite the

sender's nam e before h is or her address.

Date

The d ate is written directly below the sender's

address, separated from it by a space. In the

case of correspondence w ith a letterhead

t o - s e e

page 12,

it is usually written on the right-

hand side of the page.

The m onth in the date should not be written

in figures as this can be confusing; for exam ple

n.3.03

means

is March 2003

in British Eng lish,

where the sequence is daym onthyear, but

3 Novem ber 2oo3

in American English, where

the sequence is monthdayyear.

It is acceptable to w rite the da te with or

without the abbreviations

-th

and

-nd,

e . g .

24th O ctober

or

24

October,

and to transpose

the date and the month, e.g.

October 24

or

24 O ctober.

These are m atters of personal

preference, but wh atever you choose you

should be consistent throughout your

correspondence.

Inside address

The INSIDE ADDRESS is written below the

sender's address and on the left-hand side of

the page.

Surname known

If you know the nam e of the person you

are writing to, write it as the first line of the

add ress. Include either the person's initial/s or

his or her first given nam e, e.g.

Mr I.E. Smith

or

M r John Sm ith,

NOT

Mr S mith.

COURTESY TITLE

s used in addresses are as

follows:

Mr

(pronounced P m ista/) is the usual

courtesy title for a ma n. The unabbreviated

form

Mister

should not be used.

M r s

(pronounced /

m isiz/, no unabbreviated

form) is used for a m arried wom an.

Miss pronounced/I

m isl, not an

abb reviation) is used for an unmarried

woman .

M s

(pronounced /mu/ or /m as/, no

unabbreviated form) is used for b oth

ma rried and unm arried w om en. It is

advisable to use this form o f address wh en

you are unsure whether the wom an you are

writing to is married or not, or do not know

wh ich title she prefers.

Messrs

(pronounced /'mesaz /, abbreviation

for French

'Messieurs',

wh ich is never used) is

used occasionally for two or m ore men, e.g.

Messrs P Jones and B.L. Parker,

but more

com monly forms part of the name of a

com pany, e.g.

M essrs Collier, Clark & Co.

It is

rather o ld-fashioned.

Other courtesy titles include ac adem ic or

medical titles, e.g.

Doctor (Dr ), Professor (Prof);

m ilitary titles, e.g.

Captain (Capt),M ajor (Maj.),

Colonel (Col.), General (Gen.);

and aristocratic

titles, e.g.

Sir, Dame, Lord, Lady. Sir

m eans that

the addressee is a knight, and is always

followed b y a first name, e.g.

Sir John Brown,

never

Sir "Brown

or

Sir Brown.

It should not be

confused with the SALUTATION

Dear Sir.

Esq.,

abbreviation for

Esquire, is

seldom used

now . It can only be used instead of

Mr,

and is

placed after the nam e. Do not use

Esq.

and Mr

at the sam e time, e.g.

Bruce Hill Esq.,

NOT

Mr

B ruce Hill Esq.

All these courtesy titles, except

Esq.,

are also

used in salutations e-see

page io.

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Sender's address

0

Date

Bredgade 51

DK 1260

Copenhagen K

DENMARK

O

6 May 20

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G Inside address

Compuvision Ltd

Warwick House

Warwick Street

Forest Hill

L o n d o n S E 2 3 11F

U K

Attention line

Salutation

Body of the letter

Complimentary close

Signature

For the attention of the Sales Manager

Dear Sir or Madam

G

Please would you send me details of your DVD video systems.

am particularly interested in the Omega range.

0

Yours faithfully

O

8 .

K a A a S e P t .

(Ms) B. Kaasen

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Note that a full stop is often used at the end

of the ab breviation if it takes the form of the

first few letters of the word , e.g.

Prof. (Professor),

but is not necessary if it takes the form of the

first and last letter of the word, e.g.

Dr

(Doctor).

However, som e people prefer to write, e.g. Mr.,

Mrs., with a full stop. Again, w hatever you

cho ose to do, you should be co nsistent

throughout your co rrespondence.

Job title known

If you do not know the nam e of the person you

are w riting to, but know their job title, you can

use that, e.g. The Sales M anager, The Finance

Director,

in the inside ad dress.

Department known

Alternatively, you can add ress your letter to a

particular department of the compa ny, e.g.

The

Sales Departm ent, The A ccounts Department.

r-see letter on page 43.

Company known

Finally, if you know nothing about the

company and do not know w hich person or

department your letter should go to, you can

simply address the letter to the com pany itself,

e . g . Com puvision Ltd, M essrs Collier, Clark & Co.

Order of inside address

After the nam e of the person and / or com pany

receiving the letter, the recom mend ed order

and style of add resses in the UK is as fo llows:

Nam e of house or building

Number of b uilding and na me o f street,

road, avenue, etc.

Name o f town or c ity and postcode

Name of country

Industrial House

34-41 Craig R oad

Bolton

B1,4 8 TF

UK

In other European countries, the numb er of the

building may be placed after the name of the

street. It is also co mm on to substitute the nam e

of the country with a n initial befo re the district

code number. These two exam ples are from

Italy and Germany

('Deutschland') respectively.

Facoltei di Medicina

V ia Gentile 182

1-701oo B ari

Lehrschule fur Bodenkunde

A m alienstrasse

D-80000 M unchen 40

It is simplest to follow the above ord er and

style, though variations are possible: for

exam ple the nam e of the county, e.g.

Lancashire,

ma y, if know n, be included on the

line below the nam e of the town or city; the

postcode m ay be w ritten on a separate line; the

nam e of the town, as well as the country, may

be in c apital letters

1 3 ,-see also page 14.

Attention line

An alternative to including the recipient's

nam e or job title in the ad dress is to use an

ATTENTION LINE tesee

letter on page 9.

Salutation

Dear Sir

opens a letter written to a m an w hose

name you do not know.

Dear S irs

is used to add ress a company. (In

American Eng lish a letter to a com pany usually

opens with

Gentlemen.)

Dear M adam

is used to address a wom an,

wh ether single or married, whose nam e you do

not know.

Dear Sir or Madam

(or

Dear Sir / Madam)

is

used to address a person when you do not

know their nam e or sex. Notice that Ms Kaasen

in the letter on page 9 uses this form , i.e. she

does not assume that the sales manager of

Com puvision Ltd is a man t>

see also page 36.

Wh en you know the name o f the person you

are writing to, but do not know them well, the

salutation takes the form of

Dear

followed by a

courtesy title and the person's surname. Initials

or first names a re not used w ith courtesy titles,

e.g.

Dear Mr Sm ith,

NOT

Dear Mr I. Smith

or

Dear Mr Iohn Sm ith.

Business associates wh o

you know w ell can be addressed using just

their first nam e, e.g.

Dear John.

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A com ma after the salutation is optional, i.e.

Dear Mr Sm ith,

or

Dear Mr Sm ith.

(In American

English a colon is usually used after the

salutation, e.g.

Dear Mr Sm ith:, Gentlemen:).

ody of the letter

The bloc ked style is the one m ost often used for

the bod y of the letter. It is usual to leave a line

space between paragraphs.

Complimentary close

If the letter begins

Dear Sir, Dear Sirs,

Dear Madam,

or

Dear Sir or Madam,

the

COMPLIMENTARY CLOSE Should

be

Y ours

faithfully.

If the letter begins with a personal nam e,

e . g .

Dear Mr _Tames, D ear Mrs R obinson,

or

Dea r

Ms Jasmin,

it should be

Y ours sincerely.

A letter to someone you know well m ay

close with the mo re informal

Best wishes.

Note that Americans tend to close even form al

letters with

Y ours truly

or

Truly yours,

which

is unusual in the UK in com mercial

correspondence.

Avoid dosing with old-fa shioned phrases,

e . g .

W e remain yours faithfully, Respectfully

yours.

A com ma after the com plimentary dose is

optional, i.e.

Y ours faithfully,

or

Y ours faithfully.

The com plimentary close is usually placed

on the left, aligned under the rest of the letter.

Signature

Always type your nam e and, if relevant, your

job title, below yo ur handw ritten signature.

This is known as the S

IGNATURE BLOCK. Even

though you m ay think your handw riting is

easy to read , letters such as

a, e, o,

r, and v can

easily be co nfused.

It is, to som e extent, a matter of choice

wh ether you sign with your initial/s,

e . g .

D. Jenkins,

or your full given name,

e . g .

David Jenkins,

and wh ether you include

your courtesy title in your signature block as

in the letter on page 9. But if you include

neither your g iven name no r your title, your

correspondent will not be a ble to identify your

sex and m ay give you the wro ng title when he

or she replies.

TITLE

Mr

Mrs

Miss

Ms

S i r

Madam

Sir/Madam

STATUS

OMPLIMENTARY CLOSE

married or umarried male

ours sincerely

ma rried female

ours sincerely

unmarried female

ours sincerely

married or unmarried female

ours sincerely

male name not known

ours faithfully

female nam e not known

ours faithfully

wh en unsure whether you

ours fa ithfully

are addressing male or female

medical/academic/military

hese titles do not change whether

ours sincerely

e.g. Dr/Professor/General

ddressing a male or female

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LAYOUT 2B>

Opposite is the c om pany's reply to the letter

from the prospective custom er in Denma rk.

It shows som e mo re features of a typical

business letter.

Lettevhead

The printed letterhead of a c om pany gives a

great deal of inform ation about it.

Type of company

The abbreviation Ltd

after a company's name

indicates that it has LIMITED LIABIL ITY . This

mea ns that the individuals who ow n the

com pany, or part of it, i.e. the shareholders, are

only responsible for their holding (i.e. the

capital they have contributed) if the company

goes ba nkrupt. In other words, it indicates to

people giving the com pany credit that in

bankruptcy they can only be paid back from

wha t the company owns, and not from the

personal funds of its shareho lders.

The abbreviation PLC (P

UBLIC

LIMITED

COMPANY )

is used to show that a co mpa ny's

shares can be bough t and sold by the public,

unlike the sha res of private limited liability

com panies. In the USA the term INC.

(INCORPORATED) is used.

Com puvision Ltd

S P W holesalers plc

Hartley M ason Inc.

The abbreviation

AND ( ) CO.

indicates that

a co mpany is a partnership between two or

more people.

(And

is usually written as an

ampersand (&)

in English com pany names.) If

the com pany is a fam ily concern,

Son/s, B ros

(Brothers), or

Daughter/s

may be added.

Partnerships may ha ve limited liability or

unlimited liability.

F. Lynch & Co. Ltd

R. Hughes & Son

If neither

Ltd

nor & Co.

appear after a

com pany's name, then it may be a SOLE

TRADER, i.e. a person wh o ow ns and runs a

business on their own.

Board of Directors

The nam e of the chairman (in the USA, the

president),

wh o runs the concern, m ay be given,

as well as the names of the directors, who

decide the overall policy of the com pany.

The m anaging director (in the US A, and

increasingly in the UK, termed the

chief

executive of ficer

or coo),

who takes an active

role in the day-today running of the com pany,

ma y be mentioned if he or she is not the sam e

person as the chairma n. In the UK, the

chairm an runs the Board o f Directors wh ile the

Chief Ex ecutive Officer runs the company.

Address

In addition to the address of the office from

wh ich the letter is being sent, the letterhead

ma y also give the add ress of the head o ffice or

registered office, if d ifferent, and the addresses of

any branches or other offices the com pany owns.

Telephone and fax numbers will also be

included and, if relevant, email and web site

addresses. A cable (telegram) ad dress may also

be included. It is important to remem ber that

although the m ajority of com panies are

connec ted to the Internet, there are ma ny

countries where fax and cable a re still

important ways of transmitting informa tion

or, where banks are concerned, m oney.

Registered number

Th is usually appears in sma ll print, sometim es

with the country or city in which the com pany

is registered.

I n t h e U K , t h e V A T ( V A L U E A D D E D T A X )

number ma y also be given >see, for example,

the letter on page 56.

Refevernces

REFERENCES are often quoted to indicate

wh at the letter refers to

(Y our ref.) and the cor-

respondence to refer to w hen replying (Our ref.).

References m ay either appear in figures, e.g.

661/17,

where

66i ma y refer to the number of

the letter and 17 to the number of the

department, or in letters, e.g. DS/MR, as in the

letter on page 13 , where D S stands for Donald

Sa mpson, the writer, and MR for h is assistant,

Mary Raynor.

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Your ref.

6 May 20-

G

Your ref.

DS/MR

Date

11 M ay 2 0

Ms B. Kaasen

Bredgade 51

DK 1260

Copenhagen K

DENMARK

Dear Ms Kaasen,

Thank you for your enquiry.

I enclose our catalogue and price-list for DVD video equipment . You will

find full details of the Omega range on pages 31-35.

Please contact us if you have any further questions or would like to place

an order.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Mary Raptor

p.p. Donald Sampson

Sales Manager

e

Enc .

e

References

e

Per pro

Job title

e

Enclosure

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Warwick House

Warwick Street

Forest Hill

London

5 E23 1 1

F

Telephone

+44 (0)20 85661861

Facsimile

+4.4. (0)20

85661385

Email

[email protected]

www.comvis.co.uk

Letterhead

C

pu

5 5

131,71

Ltd

Chairman

John Franks a E.

Directors

S.B.Allen m.sc. N.Ignot R. Lichens B.A.

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Note that the

Y our Ref. in the letter on

page 13 is a date, as Ms Kaasen did not give

any reference in h er original letter.

Per pro

The abbreviation

P.P.

sometimes a ppears in

signature block s. It means

PER PRO,

i.e.for

and

on behalf of,

and is used by adm inistrators or

personal a ssistants wh en signing letters on

behalf of their managers.

J

itle

W hen sending a letter or email on behalf of

your com pany, it is a good idea to include your

job title in the signature bloc k, especially if

your recipient has not dea lt with you before.

Enclosures

If there are any documents enclosed with a

letter, althoug h these may be m entioned in the

bod y of the letter, it is also com m on to write

Enc.

or

Enc/.

below the signature block. If there

are a number of docum ents, these can be

listed, e.g.:

Enc.

B ill of lading (3 copies)

Insurance c ertificate (i copy )

Certificate of origin (i copy)

B ill of ex change (i copy)

LAYOUT

3 r >

The final letter in this section show s some

further features of a business letter.

Private and conf ident ia l

This phrase may be w ritten at the head of a

letter and, more im portant, on the envelope, in

cases wh ere the letter is intended to be read

only by the add ressee.

There are m any variations of this phrase,

e.g. Confidential, S trictly confidential,

but little

difference in meaning.

Subject tim e

A s

UBJE CT TITLE

at the beg inning of a letter,

directly after the salutation, provides a further

reference, saves introducing the subject in the

first paragraph, im med iately draws a ttention

to the topic of the letter, and allow s the writer

to refer to it throughout.

It is not necessary to begin the subject title

with

R e. (with regard to),

e.g.

R e.: A pplication for

the post of w eb designer.

W hen sending email

messag es this ma y even be confusing as

RE i s

short for reply see page 48.

C pies

W hen copies are sent to people other than the

named recipient,

c. c.

(CARBON COPY )

is added,

usually at the end of a letter, before the nam e/s

of the recipient/s of the c opies.

Som etimes you will not want the named

recipient to know tha t other people have

received copies. In this case,

B . C . C.(BLIND

CARBON COPY ),

and the name/s of the

recipient/s, are added on the c opies themselves,

though not, of co urse, on the top copy.

These ab breviations are used in email, and

mean exa ctly the sam e thing

>see page 21.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES

Envelope add resses are written in a similar

way to inside ad dresses s>see pages 8io.

But in

the case of letters within or for the UK, the

nam e of the town and the co untry are written

in capital letters, and the postcode is usually

written on a line by itself.

Mr G. Penter

49 Memorial Road

ORPINGTON

Kent

BR69UA

Messrs W. B rown low & Co.

600 G rand S treet

LONDON

WIN

9UZ

UK

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Compuvision

Ltd

Warwick House

Warwick Street

Forest Hill

London

5E23 iiF

Telephone

+44 (0)20 8566 1861

Facsimile +44

(0)20 85661385

Email

[email protected]

www.comvis.co.uk

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Your ref.

Your ref.

DS/MR

Date

21 September 20--

Ms B. Kaasen

Bredgade 51

D K 1 2 6 0

Copenhagen K

D E N M A R K

Q Private and

confidential

Sub ject title

(b) C opies

Private and confidential

Dear Ms Kaasen

Non-paym ent of invoice 322/17

It appears from our records that, d espite several rem inders, the ab ove

invoice remains unpaid. Unless the ac count is cleared within 14 days from

the date of this letter, we shall' take legal a ction.

Yours sincerely

DOKAIOLS:4444e-COli

,

Donald Sam pson

Sales Manager

l

.c. Messrs Poole & Jackson L td, Solicitors

Chairman

John Franks BE.

Directors

5.B. Allen m.sc. N. Ignot R. Lichens B.A.

1 5


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Faxes

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INTRODUCTION

The wordfax com es from facsimile, which

means

an exact copy or reproduction. L i k e

email, the wordfax c an be used as a noun,

e . g .

I sent a fax

or as a verb, e.g.

W e will fax

you when w e have the inform ation.

A fax m essage is useful when speed is

important and the recipient does not have

ema ilit is especially useful for do cum ents

containing diagram s or drawings. Like email,

a fax c an be sent quickly to m any different

recipients at the sam e time. However, ag ain

like email, fax is an open system, i.e.

correspondence can easily be accessed by

outsiders, so it should not be used for

confidential information.

W hen sending handw ritten fax messages,

use a dark c olour and ma ke your writing large

and clear.

As faxes are co pies of docum ents, they

cannot be used w hen the originals are

required. For example, an original BILL

OF

LADING gives

TITLE to goods (i.e. you would

ow n the goods if you had the b ill in your

possession), and wo uld not be valid if it were a

faxed copy.

Faxes have b een 'court tested', and they tend

to be a ccepted in legal ca ses, along w ith letters,

as evidence in certain areas o f international

trade. However, an em ail containing similar

informa tion m ight not be c onsidered valid

under certain circumstances.

Different fax m ach ines offer a wide range

of facilities, including repeat dialling if the

receiver's fax m achine is engaged; a

transmission report which g ives details of the

time, date, sender, receiver, number of pages,

duration, and result; a verification m ark a t the

foot of the page to confirm the fax w as sent;

and a number m emory for frequently used

numbers. Check the manual of your fax

ma chine to find out wha t functions it can

perform.

It is also possible to send a fax from a

computer.

Preparing fore tzansm ission

Check that you have the correct fax number.

Ch eck that the paper on wh ich your message is

printed or w ritten is suitable. If it is too big, too

small, or in poor co ndition, photoco py the

message on paper that can be ac cepted by the

fax machine. Before using the machine, check

that you know ho w to dial, cancel, clear a paper

jam, and send.

Wh en you send a fax it is a good idea to use a

fax transmission cover form . This will help to

ensure that the fax rea ches its intended

recipient safely. Most com panies use their own

headed fa x transmission form , but you can

easily create one for yo urself, e.g.:

BRITISH CRY STAL Ltd.

Glazier House

Green Lane

Derby

DE1112T

FAX MESSAGE

T o :

From:

Fax no.:

Subject:

Date:

Page/s:

STYLE

Generally, fax es are similar to letters in style,

level of form ality, and the use of conventions .

How ever, a fax m ay be shorter and the

language m ore direct, like an em ail, as there

is a time element in the cost of sending them .

As with email m essages, beware of using too

informa l a tone with customers or suppliers

you do not know w ell.

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F. Lynch

Co. Ltd

Advice of dam aged

Head Office

onsignment

Nesson House

Newell Street

his fax is from Lynch

Birmingham

Co, who received a

B 3 3 E 1

amaged

CONSIGNMENT

Telephone:

+44

(0)21 236

65 71

nd were told by their

FaX:

+44 (o)21 236 8592

upplier, Satex S.p.A., to

return it ic.see page 106.

Email: [email protected]

www.lynch.com

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Fax message

T o

. C a u s i o , S a t e x S . p . A .

F r o m

Crane

Fax no. (06) 4815 473

subject Replacement of dam aged order no.14478

Date

9 October 20

Page/s 1

This is an urgent request for a co nsignment to replace the ab ove order,

which was da ma ged during delivery. We inform ed you about this in our

letter of 15 September.

Please airfreight the follow ing items:

C a t . N o .

uantity

R 3 0

0

R 2 0

0

N26

00

Th e dam aged co nsignment will be returned wh en we receive the

replacement.

P e t e r C r a n e ,

Peter Crane

Chief Buyer

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Response

to

importer's enquiry

This is a fax from

British Crystal to their

AGENTS,

S.A. Importers,

in Saudi Arabia

>see

correspondence on

pages 174-176.

This fax is quite

formal in style as the

companies have just

started their business

relationship. Notice

how Mr Oliver'sells'

the product to the

importers. >See

also

British Crystal s faxed

enquiry to Universal

Airways and the letter

reply on pages 194-195.

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B r i t i s h C r y s ta l L td

GLAZIER HOUSE GREEN LANE DERBY DE1 1RT

TELEPHONE: +44

(0)1332 45790FACSIMILE:

+44 (0)1332 51977

Email : o l iverh@crys ta l .com

www.britishcrystalcom

FAX MESSAGE

T o S.A. Importers

F r o m

H .

Oliver, Ma rketing Manager

F ax n o .

(966)134981

Subject

French Em pire designs

Date

16 August 20

Page/s

5, including this one

Th ank you for your enquiry about our French Em pire range of drinking

glasses. Th ere is a revival of interest in this period , so w e are not surprised

that these products have becom e popular with your customers.

I am sending with this fax pp.1-4 of o ur catalogue with C IF Riyadh prices,

as you said you would like an imm ediate preview of this range. I would

appreciate your com ments on the designs with regard to your m arket.

I look forw ard to hearing from you.

H. Oliver

H. Oliver (Mr)

Marketing Manager

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17/301

Fax accom panying

an order

To

From

Fax

Topic

No. of pages

Fax

igerian

Exploration

Company

Block D . Surulere Industrial Road

elephone (+234)1483608213/4/5

Ogba . lkeja . Lagos

acsimile (234)14837001

John Malcovitch, C hief Engineer

Tosin Om osade, United Drilling Inc. Managing Director

213-890-0740

Drilling Heads

1-5

With this fax, an

importer is sending

an official order and

specifications for the

drills he requires. He

says that a

CONFIRMED

LETTER OF CREDIT Will

be opened once

he has

the supplier's

COMMERCIAL INVOICE.

Notice that the fax is

c o p i e d

to his company's

accountant, and also the

chief engineer.

1

c.c. Kwam e Adeole (Accountant)

Vidal L amont (C hief Engineer)

Pages 2- 4 of this fax are specifications for the exploration drilling heads

that w e discussed on your visit here in October. Could you please supply

these heads as soon as possible?

I am also sending our official Order No. AT 320-1 046.1 shall mak e

arrangements to open a co nfirmed letter of credit with the Nigerian

International Bank a s soon as you h ave sent me your invoice and details of

shipment.

I look forward to hearing from you.

TO.riA r

OW -OS'ade/

Tosin Omosade (Mr)

Managing Director

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Emails

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INTRODUCTION

Email (short for

electronic m ail)

is a means of .

sending m essages between com puters.

To send and receive email you need access to

the Internet. An Internet Service Provider (r sp)

will provide you with connection software,

which is often free. This will give you Internet

access, storage for incoming m ail, and the

capability to read your m essages. Finally, you

need em ail software, generally already

installed in mod ern com puters, so that you can

write, send, receive, and read m essages.

Advantages

There are num erous advantages to em ail. It is

personal and easy to use. It can be used both

within and between com panies, and is an

effective way to communicate quickly and

easily with people all over the world. It is

especially useful for short messages and for

everyday correspondence, e.g. setting up a

m eeting, passing on informa tion, and m aking

or replying to a request.

You c an pick up your email messages,

even wh en you are travelling, via a laptop or

palm top. With compa tible systems, you can

access text and graphic docum ents, and

spreadsheets. And whatever you send or

receive can be quickly and easily filed.

Okadvantages

The disadvantages of em ail include technical

problems w hich m ay result in the unexpected

non-delivery of m essages, or a ttachm ents

arriving in unreadable form . A non-technical

disadvantage is that, paradoxically, the ease

with wh ich m essages can be sent results in

large am ounts of'junk' and unnecessary

com munication, which w aste time.

As with faxes, a m ajor drawba ck is the lack

of privacy and security. Do not use email to

communicate confidential information. It is

sometimes said that an em ail message is like

a postcard anyone can read what you have

written. However, digital signing and

encryption (co ding data, so that it can only be

read by authorized users), which both wo rk

along similar lines, mak e ema il more secure.

Erna and other forms of

correspondence

There a re several areas of business

com munication where more traditional forms

of correspondence are still the m ost suitable.

For exam ple, personal and sensitive

correspondence such as messages of

congratulation, condolence, or com plaint are

usually best done by letter. Confirmation of

contracts, mem os which are confidential and

must be signed to acknow ledge receipt, and

any correspondence which m ay be needed for

legal or insurance purposes should not

normally be sent by email. You m ight find a job

on the Internet, but most com panies would

still expect your a pplication to c onsist of a

com pleted form with a covering letter.

Em alP addresses

Typical ema il addresses look like this:

[email protected]

[email protected]

Th e first part of the ema il address is usually the

surnam e and initial of the person you are

contacting, or the nam e if it is a departm ent, or

a shortened version of it. The second part,

wh ich appears imm ediately after the @ (at), is

the name o f the is

P

or organization, or again

an ab breviation of it. Usually, the last part of

the address includes the dom ain name suffixes

referring to the type of organization (e.g. '.co'

for 'com pany', '.ac' ('academ ic') for a university)

and to the country from w hich the message

was sent (e.g. '.no' for Norwa y, '.uk' for the

United Kingdom ).

Other examples of dom ain name suffixes

referring to types of organization include:

. b i z

business

.gov

government office

.org

non-profit-m aking organization

(e.g. a charity)

.pro

profession (e.g. m edicine, law)

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Arial

ale` edit yie^v

7

717

Inspri.,T,FRrat

Ac.t io63..

-

H e l p

Compuvision Ltd

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If the nam e of a country in its main language

differs significantly from its name in E nglish,

this is reflected in its domain name suffix, e.g.:

.de

Deutschland

(Germany)

. e s

Espana

(Spain)

. z a

Z uid A frika

(South Africa)

LAYOUT

N Y

Below is a typical email message.

Header inform at ion

The hea der gives essential informa tion about

the m essage. In addition to the ba sic details

shown in the sample, it may include:

c . c .

This stands for carbon copies, which m eans

much the same as it does on a letter

r>see

page 14.

Here you insert the em ail

addresses of anyone you w ant to send copies

of the m essage to.

b.c.c.

This stands for blind carbon copies, which, as

in a letter, you should use if you do no t want

the ma in recipient to know wh o has received

copies rsee

page 14.

Attachments

Icons

of any

ATTACHMENTS

will appear here.

The am ount of header informa tion, and the

order in which it appears, will vary acco rding

to the software being used, so do not w orry if

the messages you send and receive do not look

exactly like the one in the exam ple.

Message tex t

The presentation of the text in an em ail is

usually less formal than in a letter. In this

exam ple Ms Kaasen has used the form al

Dear Sir / Madam,

but she could simply have

headed her m essage

For the attention of the

Sales Manager.

Rather than ending w ith

Y ours faithfully,

she uses the less forma l

I look forward to hearing f rom y ou.

Signature

Th is is like the signature bloc k in a letter,

although it usually includes m ore details, e.g.

the sender's com pany or private add ress, and

telephone and fax numbers. You can program

your ema il software to add your signature

autom atically to the end of outgoing

messages.

Q

Header information

e

Message text

Signature block

SubjeCt.. _ .

Quad sound

systems

. .

a

Dear Sir /

M adam

Please would you send me details of your quad sound systems, advertised in the

April edition of 'Sound Monthly'?

I am particularly interested in the Omega range.

I look forward to hearing f rom you.

Beatr ix Kaasen (Ms)

B r e dgade 51

DK 1260

Copenhagen K

Te l / Fax: (+45) 7415 83


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S T Y L E

Em ail is a relatively recent development, and

because it is perceived as a quick and inform al

mea ns of comm unication, people are often

unclear ab out the style and conventions they

should use in business situations.

As a general rule, although ema il

correspondence ma y tend towards informality

it should follo w the sam e principles as any

other form of business correspondence.

Here are some basic tips about style:

In general, email messages follo w the style

and c onventions used in letters or faxes. For

exam ple, you can use salutations such as

Dear M r Pinto or Dear Tom,

and

com plimentary doses such as

Y ours sincerely

or

B est wishes.

However, if you know the

recipient well, or if you are excha nging a

series of m essages with one person, you may

dispense with the salutation and

complimentary close.

Do not confuse personal m essages with

business messages. In a b usiness m essage,

the same rules of w riting apply as for a

letter: write clearly, carefully, and

courteously; consider a udience, purpose,

clarity, consistency, conciseness, and tone.

Use correct gram ma r, spelling,

capitalization, and punctuation, as you

wo uld in any other form of c orrespondence.

Do not w rite w ords in capital letters in an

ema il message. This can be seen as the

equivalent of shouting and therefore have a

negative effect. If you w ant to stress a w ord,

put asterisks on each sid e of it, e.g.

*urgent*.

Keep your email messages short and to the

point. People often receive a lot of em ails at

wo rk, so c onciseness is especially important.

In general, imit yourself to o ne topic per

message. Th is helps to keep the message

brief and m akes it easier for the recipient

to answ er, file, and retrieve it later.

Check your ema il message for mistakes

before you send it, just as you would chec k

a letter or a fax m essage.

Email abbreviations

TLAs (three-letter acronyms)

In order to keep em ail messages short, people

sometimes use abbreviations for comm on

expressions, just as they do in text m essaging.

These are know n as TL As (three-letter

acronyms), although some o f them are m ore

than three letters long. Here is a list of som e

of the most comm only used TLAs:

AFAIK

as faraslknow

BFN ye f or now

BTW

y the way

COB

lose of business

FYI

or your information

IOW

n other words

NRN

o reply necessary

OTOH

on the other hand

Use TL As with great care, and only wh en

you have established a friendly, informal

relationship with your correspondent. They

should not be b e used in letters and faxes.

Emoticons

Em oticons (a com bination of the words

emotion and

icon),

also know as smileys, are

often used in informa l ema il correspondence.

They express emotions which m ay not be

evident from the words a lone, e.g.:

:-) a smile

:-( a frown

;-) a wink

On the w hole, it is better not to use them in

business messag es, as they may be co nsidered

unprofessional, especially if you do no t know

the recipient well or a re not sure that he or she

will understand them .

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Peter Lane

777

7_77 : ,

"

f

': "

: . . .

.7 z

77 77 :

-:..

-7 7

7;

Refit of Halton Road store

Plan of premises

pecification list

rchitect's drawings

With

reference to our phone conversation this morning, I would like one of your

representatives to visit our store at 443 Halton Road, London, SE4 3TN, to give an estimate

for a complete refit. Please could you contact me to arrange an appointment?

As I mentioned on the phone, it is essential that work is completed before the end of

February 20, and this would be stated in the contract.

I attach the plans and specifications.

Jean Landman (Ms)

Assistant to K. Bellon, Managing Drector

Superbuys Ltd, Superbuy House

Wolverton Road, London SW16 7DN

Te l. : 0 20 8 327 1 651

F a x: 02 0 83 2 7 1 93 5

[email protected]

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Ask ing fov an

estimate

Here is an example of

an email asking for an

ESTIMATE to

refit a

store.There are three

attachments. Notice

that the email is quite

short. It is acceptable,

as here, to omit the

salutation and the

complimentary close

when the sender and

recipient have been in

touch with each other

previously.

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Dear Ms Landman

Our surveyor, John Pelham, is available to inspect the premises and discuss your exact

requirements. Could you please contact John on [email protected] , or on his mobile

(71292 89541), to arrange a convenient time for him to visit the store?

From your attached specifications, I estimate the work could be completed within the time

you give, and we would be willing to sign a contract to this effect.

Peter Lane

Drector, Wembley Shopfitters Ltd

Wycombe Road, Wembley, Mddlesex HA9 6DA

Telephone: 020 8903 2323

Fax: 020 8903 2349


Original message

From: Jean Landman

Sent:

To:

eter Lane

Subject: Refit of Halton Road store

Dear Mr Lane

With reference to our phone conversation this morning, I would like one of your

representatives to visit our store at 443 Halton Road, London, SE4 3TN, to give an

estimate for a complete refit. Please could you contact me to arrange an appointment?

As I mentioned on the phone, it is essential that work is completed before the end of

February 20, and this would be stated in the contract.

I attach the plans and specifications.

Jean Landman (Ms)

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Making

arrangements for

an estimate

Peter Lane replies to

Jean Landman, copying

the message to the

surveyor,John Pelham.

Notice that this message

fulfils the requirements

for correspondence

dealing with an enquiry,

i.e.the reply is sent as

soon as possible and

covers the points

mentioned in the

enquiry.The style is

quite informal but still

polite and businesslike.

The letters

RE:appear

before the subject title

in the header

information.This

indicates that Peter Lane

has selected the 'reply'

option.The original

message appears below

his reply.

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'

Allan Rubain

RE : Sato Inc .

Asking for

inf. rmation

A company has ernailed

their local

CHAMBER OF

COMMERCE

to ask for

some information about

their prospective

DISTRIBUTORS,SatO

Inc.

In this reply,the answers

given by the chamber of

commerce have been

inserted at the relevant

points in the original

message.They are

preceded by the '>'

symbol.

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Dear Mr Rubain

> P lease f ind answe rs to your quer ies be low.

How long has the company been in business?

> The company has traded for 24 years under its current name.

How many showrooms does it have?

> It has a chain of 30 showrooms throughout the country.

What is i ts turnover every year?

> I ts reg istered turnover th is year was $410 mi l l ion.

Will its products compete with mine?

> I t spe cial ize s in fore ign cars yours wi l l be un ique to your country.

How is i t regarded in Japan?

> It has an excellent reputation.

I hope this information is useful.

Kyoko Mamura (Ms)

Assistant to Trade Information Officer

Sakuragi Bldg, Minami Aoyama, Minato-ku, Tokyo 109

Te l : (+81) 3 4507 685 1

Fax: (+81) 3 4507 8 890


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Order No B1463

Dear Mr Cliff

A lot of customers have been asking about your bookcase and coffee-table assembly kits

(above cat. nos). We would like to test the market and have 6 sets of each kit on approval

before placing a firm order. I can supply trade references if necessary.

I attach a provisional order (No. B1463) in anticipation of your agreement. There is no hurry,

so you can send these with your next delivery to Swansea.

Many thanks

Robert Hughes

R. Hughes & Son Ltd

T e l: 0 1792 5 8441

Fax: 01792 59472


Rchard Cliff

Cat.

Nos KT3

and KT14 on approval

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Request for g ods

n approval

Mr Cliff of Homemakers

is a furniture

manufacturer and

supplies Mr Hughes's

shop with a wide range

of goods. In this

example, Mr Hughes

wants two new products

ON APPROVAL.

1 Why does Mr Hughes

What does Mr

What sort of order

Is this an urgent

want the goods on

ughes think might

as been sent, and

equest?

approval?

e required to get

ow has it been sent?

01

oods on approval?

26


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-

Fite

Edit '.Vie4

iseit Fonnet

z . ,

...ActiObe

To.......

ober t Hughes

s"ub lea I RE : Cat . Nos KT3 and KT1 4 on approval

Reply to request

for goods on

approval

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Dear Mr Hughes

Thank you for your enquiry about our assem bly ki ts. We'd be pleased to se nd you 6 of each

on app roval. They should be with you by noon on M onday.

There's no need to supply references. The provisional order (81463) you sent is suf f ic ient,

but p lease return any unsold ki ts in two months.

Let us know i f we can be of any fur ther help.

Richard Cl i f f

Director, Home make rs Ltd

54-59 R ivers ide, Cardi f f CF1 1JW

Direct l ine: +44 (0)29 20 49723

Fax: +44 (0)29 20 4993 7

Em ai l: r c li f f@hom em akers.com

1 Does Mr Cliff agree

What sort of

to send the goods on

eferences are

approval?

equired?

3 What should Mr

Hughes do with any

unsold kits?

4

What phrase does

Mr Cliff use to offer

more help?

so

fD

O

N

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Points to remember

Letters

Many of these points apply to faxes and em ails

as well.

1 T he layout and presentation of your letter

are impo rtant as they give the recipient the

first impression of your com pany's

efficiency.

2 W rite both the sender's and the recipient's

address in as muc h detail as possible and in

the correct order.

3 Ma ke sure you use the recipient's correct

title in the add ress and salutation. If in doubt

as to whether a wo ma n is single or married,

use Ms.

4 Do not write the month o f the date in

figures.

5 Choo se the correct salutation and

complimentary close:

Dear Sir/Madam with

Y ours faithfully

Dear Mr/Ms S mith with

Y ours sincerely

6 Mak e sure your references are correct.

7 Mak e sure your signature block tells your

reader what he or she needs to know about

you.

1 Fax is an open system, so it should not be

used for confidential correspondence.

2 W rite clearly when sending handw ritten

messages.

3 Faxes are copies, and cannot be used when

original documents are required.

4 Prepare your transmission carefully before

you send it.

5 In general, the language of fax es is much like

that of letters, although fa xes can be briefer

and m ore direct, like em ail messages.

1 E ma il is very fast and effective, but there are

areas w here it is preferable to use letters, e.g.

personal, confidential, or legal

correspondence.

2 Em ail addresses usually give the nam e of the

person or department, then the @ (a t)

symbol, followed by the name of the

com pany or institution, and finally the

dom ain names, which indicate the type of

organization and the country from wh ich

the message w as sent

3 The language of em ails can be quite

informal, but if you do not know the

recipient well, it is better to keep to the usual

writing conventions. You can become more

informal as you establish a working

relationship.

4 It is possible to use special abbreviations, e.g.

TLAS

and em oticons, but do not confuse your

recipient by using abb reviations he o r she

ma y not know or understand.

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30 LENGTH

3o Too long

31 Too short

31 The right length

32 ORDER AND SEQUENCE

32 Unclear sequence

32 Clear sequence

3 3

PLANNING

33 First paragraph

33 Middle paragraphs

33 Final paragraph

34 STYLE AND LANGUAGE

34 Simplicity

34 Courtesy

35 Idioms and colloquial language

36

C L A R I T Y

36 Abbreviations and initials

36 Numbers

36 Prepositions

36 ACCURACY

36 Spelling

36 Titles, names, and addresses

36 References

37 Prices, measurements, etc.

37 Enclosures and attachments

3 7 Points to remember


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LENGTH

All correspondence should be long enough to

explain exactly what the sender needs to say

and the receiver needs to know . You m ust

decide how much informa tion you put in the

letter: you may give too m uch

.see the letter

on this page,

in which c ase your letter will be

too long, o r too little .

see the letter on page 31,

in which ca se it will be too sho rt. Your style and

the kind of language you use can also affect

the length.

The fo llow ing three letters are written by

different people in reply to the same enquiry

from a Mr Arrand about their compa ny's

products.

To long

There are a number of things wrong w ith this

letter. Though it tries to advertise the products,

and the co mpany itself, it is too wordy. T here is

no need to explain that stores are buying in

stock for Ch ristmas - Mr Arrand is awa re of

this. Rather than draw ing attention to certain

items he m ight be interested in, the letter only

explains what he ca n already see, that there is

a wide selection of watches in the catalogue

covering the full range of ma rket prices. In

addition, the writer goes on unnecessarily to

explain which c ountries the com pany sells to,

to give its history, and to quote its rather

unimpressive m otto.

Dear Mr Arrand

Tha nk you very much for your enquiry of 5 Novemb er which we

received today. W e often receive enquiries from large stores and

alw ays welcom e them, particularly at this time of the year when

we kno w that you w ill be buying in stock fo r Christmas.

W e have enclosed our w inter catalogue and are sure you will be

extremely impressed by our wide range of watches. Yo u will see

that they include ranges for men, wo men, and c hildren, with prices

that should suit all your customers, from watc hes costing only a

few pound s to those in the luxury bracket priced at several

hundred pounds. But wh atever price bracket you a re interested in,

we guarantee all our products for two years.

Enclosed you will also find our price list giving full details of prices

to Lo ndon (inclusive of cost, insurance, and freight) and explaining

our discounts, which we think you w ill find very generous and

which w e hope you w ill take full advantage of.

W e are always available to offer you further information about

our products and ca n promise you personal attention wh enever

you require it. Th is service is given to all our c ustomers througho ut

the world, and as you probably know, w e deal with countries from

the Far East to Europe and La tin America. This fact alone bears out

our reputation, which has been established for m ore than a

hundred years and has mad e our motto 'Time for everyone'-

familiar worldwide.

Once again, may w e thank you for your enquiry and say that we

look forw ard to hearing from you in the near future?

Yo urs sincerely

30


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Too short

There are a numb er of problems w ith this

letter:

1 It should have begun

Dear Mr A rrand

and

ended

Y ours sincerely

as the writer knew Mr

Arrand's name from his letter of enquiry.

2 Neither the date nor the reference number

of the enquiry are quoted.

3 Ideally, a catalogue should be endosed with

a reply to an enquiry about a co mpany's

products or indication of a w ebsite if the

com pany has one.

4 W hen a ca talogue is sent, attention should be

draw n to items wh ich might be of particular

interest to the enquirer. New products should

also be pointed out.

5 A price list should be included if prices are

not given in the ca talogue. Any disco unts

should be quoted and, if possible, delivery

dates.

Dear Sir

Thank you for your enquiry. We h ave a wide selection of watches

which we are sure you will like. We will be sending a catalogue

soon.

Yours faithfully

e

k

p

u

p

w

The right length

Here is a m ore suitable letter. It is neither too

short nor too long. It provides all the relevant

information Mr Arrand m ight need, and draw s

his attention to some specific products which

ma y be of interest to him.

.See page 33 for the plan for this letter.

Dear Mr Arrand

Thank you fo r your enquiry of 5 Novem ber.

We enclose our winter catalogue, and a price list giving details of

CIF Lo ndon prices, discounts, and delivery dates.

Though yo u will see we offer a w ide selection of watches, ma y we

draw your attention to pp. 23-2 8, and pp. 31 -36 , where there are

styles we think might suit the m arket you describe? On page 25 you

will find our latest designs in pendant wa tches, which are already

selling well.

All our products are fully guaranteed, and b acked by our w orldwide

reputation.

If you need any further information, please contact us. We look

forwa rd to hearing from you soon.

Yo urs sincerely

31


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ORDER AND SEQUENCE

As well as c ontaining the right am ount of

information, your letter should also mak e all

the necessary points in a logical sequence,

with each idea or piece of information linking

up with the previous one in a pattern that ca n

be followed. Do not make a statement, switch

to other subjects, then refer back to the po int

you mad e a few sentences or paragraphs

before, as in the exam ple.

Uncleav sequence

This letter is difficult to understand b ecause

there is no dear sequence or logica l order.

C

en

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dem. sequence

Here is a better version of the sam e letter, in

which the ideas and informa tion are in a

logical order.

Dear Sir / Madam

W e are interested in your security systems. W e wo uld like to know

mo re about the prices and discounts you offer.

A business associate of ours, DMS (W holesalers) Ltd, mentioned

your name to us and show ed us a catalogue. They w ere impressed

with the security system you installed for them , so we a re writing

to you ab out it. Do you give guarantees w ith the installations?

In your catalogue we saw the Secure 15 wh ich looks as though it

might suit our purposes. DMS had the Secure 1 8 installed, but as we

mentioned, they are who lesalers, wh ile we are a chain of stores. We

would like something that can prevent robbery and shoplifting, so

the Secure 15 might suit us.

How long would it take to install a system tha t would serve all

departm ents? Could yo u send an inspector or adviser to see us soon?

If you can o ffer com petitive prices and guarantees we wo uld put

your system in all o ur outlets, but initially w e w ould only install

the system in our main branch.

We w ould like to m ake a decision on this soon, so we wo uld

appreciate an ea rly reply.

Yo urs faithfully

Dear Mr Larry

We are a ch ain of retail stores and are looking for an efficient

security system. Yo u were recom m ended to us by our associates,

DMS (W holesalers) Ltd, fo r whom you recently installed the Secure

18 alarm system.

W e need a system w hich wo uld give us com prehensive protection

against robbery and sho plifting throughout all departments, and

the Secure 15 featured in your current catalogue w ould appear to

suit us. Howe ver, it wo uld be h elpful if one of yo ur representatives

could visit us so that we c an discuss details of the available systems.

Initially we w ould test the system we select in our ma in branch,

and, if it proves satisfactory, install it throughout our o ther

branches. Our choice wo uld, of course, be influenced by a

com petitive quotation and full guarantees for m aintenance and

service.

Please reply as soon as possible as we w ould like to m ake a d ecision

within the next few m onths.

Yours sincerely

32


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PLANNING

The w ay to m ake sure you include the right

am ount of information, and in the right order,

is by planning. Ask yourself what the purpose

of the letter is, and w hat response you would

like to receive. Note down everything you wa nt

to include before yo u start writing, then read

your notes to ch eck that you ha ve included all

the necessary information, that it is relevant,

and tha t you have put it in the right ord er.

Here, for example, is the plan for the letter on

p a g e 3 1 .

is t para. A cknow ledge enquiry

znd para. Enclose c atalogue, price list

3rd para. Draw attention to w atches

suitable f orA rrand, and latest

designs

4th para. Men tion guarantees and

reputation

5th para. Encourage further contact

First paragraph

The opening sentence or paragra ph is

important as it sets the tone of the letter and

creates a first impression. Generally speaking,

you wo uld thank your correspondent for their

letter (if replying to an enquiry), if necessary

introduce yourself and your com pany, state the

subject of the letter, and set out its purpose.

Here are two exam ples of opening paragraphs.

Thank y ou for your enquiry dated 8 July in

which y ou asked us about our range of

cosmetics. As y ou probably k now from our

advertising, we appeal to a w ide age g roup

from the teenage m arket through to m ore

m ature w om en, and our products are retailed

in leading stores throughout the w orld.

Thank y ou foryour letter of 19 A ugust, which I

received today. W e can certainly supply you

with the industrial floor coverings y ou asked

about. Enclosed you will find a catalogue

illustrating our wide range of products

currently used in factories and offices

throughout the w orld.

Middle paragraphs

The m ain part of your letter will concern the

points that need to be m ade, answ ers you wish

to give, or questions you want to ask. As this

depends on the type of letter that you are

writing, these topics w ill be dea lt with in later

units. In the m iddle parag raphs, planning is

mo st impo rtant to m ake sure your points are

ma de dearly, fully, and in a logical sequence.

Final paragraph

At the end of your letter, if it is a reply and you

have not do ne so at the beginning, you should

thank your c orrespondent for writing. If

appropriate, encourage further enquiries or

correspondence, m entioning that you look

forward to hearing from him or her soon. You

ma y want to restate, briefly, one or two of the

most important points you m ade in the m ain

part of your letter. Here are some exam ples of

final paragraphs.

Once again thank y ou for w riting to us. Please

contact us if y ou would like any further

information. To sum marize: all prices are

quoted

CIF

Y okohama, delivery w ould be six

we eks f rom receipt of order, and paym ent

should be m ade by bank draft. I look forw ard

to hearing from you soon.

I hope I have cov ered all the questions you

asked, but please contact m e if there are any

other details you require. If y ou w ould like to

place an order, may I suggest that you do so

before the end of this month so that it can be

m et in good time f or the start of the summ er

season? I hope to hearfrom you in the near

future.

W e are confident that you have made the

right choice as this line is a leading seller. If

there is any advice or further information you

need, we w ould be happy to supply it and look

forward to hearing from y ou.

33


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STYLE AND LANGUAGE

SliffitAcKy

Commercial correspondence often suffers

from an old- fashioned, pompous style of

English w hich com plicates the message and

gives readers the feeling that they are reading

som ething w ritten in an unfam iliar language.

In this letter, all the writer is trying to d o is

explain why he delayed paying his account

but, because of the style, it is too long and is

difficult to understand.

C

e

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Here is a simpler version of the letter. Mr

Aldine will be satisfied w ith it because it tells

him simply and clearly what he wants to

know . First, his custom er uses his name.

Second, he has apologized. Third, Mr Aldine

know s his wa s not the only acco unt that wa s

not paid when d ue, and know s why. Finally, he

has his cheque.

Dear Sir / Madam

I beg to acknow ledge receipt of your letter of the 1 5th inst. in

connection with our not clearing our account, which wa s

outstanding as of the end of J une.

Please accept our profuse apologies. We w ere unable to settle

this matter due to the sudden dem ise of Mr Noel, our Accountant,

and as a result were unaware of those acc ounts which were to be

cleared. We now , however, have managed to trace all our

com mitments and tak e pleasure in enclosing our remittance

for 2 ,120, w hich w e trust will rectify m atters.

W e hope that this unforeseen incident did not in any wa y

inconvenience you, nor lead you to believe that our not clea ring

our balanc e on the due date wa s an intention on our part to delay

payment.

W e remain, yours, etc

Dear Mr Aldine

I am replying to your letter of 15 July asking us to clear our June

balance.

I apolog ize for not settling the acc ount sooner, but due to the

unfortunate death of Mr Noel, our Acco untant, there have been

delays in settling all o f our o utstanding ba lances.

Please find enclosed our cheque for 2,12 0, and accept our apologies

for a ny inconvenience.

Yo urs sincerely

Yo ur style should not, how ever, be so simple

that it becom es rude. Here is an exam ple of a

letter that is too short and sim ple.

Dear Mr Rohn

I've already w ritten to you co ncerning your debt of 1,99 4. This

should have been cleared three months ago . You seem unwilling to

co-operate in paying us. We'll sue you if you do no t clear your debt

within the next ten days.

Yours, etc.

34


33/301

Dear Mr Rohn

I refer to our previous letter sent on 10 October in which you

were asked to clear the balance of 1,9 94 on your account, which

has been outstanding since July. As there has been no reply, I

shall have to c onsider handing over the ma tter to our solicitors.

However, I am reluctant to do this and am offering a further ten

days for the a ccount to be settled.

Yo urs sincerely

a

p

p

u

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u

o

In the version of the sam e letter, notice the

stylistic devices that are used to make it more

polite: complex sentences, joined by

conjunctions, rather than sho rt sentences

(e.g....

the balance of 1,194, which has been

outstanding ...

rather than

. . .your debt of

.1,994. T his should have been cleared ...);

the

use of full rather than ab breviated forms

( e . g .

I shall have to consider...

rather than

W e'll sue ...) ;

and the use of passive form s

and indirect language that avoids sounding

aggressive

(e.g.... for the account to be settled ...

rather than ...

if y ou do not clear your debt ...).

lolltrns and collog ulal langua ge

It is important to try to get the right 'tone'

in your letter. This means that, generally

speaking, you should aim f or a neutral tone,

avoiding pompous languag e on the one hand

and language which is too informal or

colloquial on the other.

Yo u ma y set the w rong tone by using

the wrong voc abulary or idioms, or using

short form s inappropriately. Here are a few

exam ples, together with a preferred

alternative.

INA PPROPRIATE

FORM

you've probably

guessed

y ou'll get y our

money back

prices

are at

rock

bottom

prices have g one

through the roof

PREFERRED

ALTERNATIVE

y ou are probably

aware

the loan will be repaid

prices are very low

prices have increased

rapidly

On the whole, it is better to avoid using

colloquial language or slang. Apart from the

danger of b eing misunderstood if your

correspondent's first language is not English,

he or she m ay think you are being too fam iliar.

3 5


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CLARITY

Yo ur correspondent must be able to

understand what you have written. Confusion

in correspondence often arises through a la ck

of thought and ca re, and there are a numb er of

ways in which this can happen.

Abb reviations and initials

Abbreviations can be useful because they are

quick to write and easy to read. But both

correspondents need to know wha t the

abbreviations stand for.

The a bbreviations c IF and

FOB,

for example,

are

INCOTERMS

wh ich m ean, respectively,

Cost, Insurance, and Freight and Free On Board.

But can you be sure that your c orrespondent

know s that

p p

means

postage and packing?

Som e international organizations, e.g.

NAT

O

(North Atlantic Treaty Organization), are

know n in all countries by the same set of

initials, but m any are not, e.g.

EU

(European

Union) and

UN

(United Nations). National

organizations, e.g. in the UK, c B

(Co nfederation of British Industry) and

TUc

(Trades Union C ongress), are unlikely to be

fam iliar to correspond ents in other countries.

A range of ab breviations are used in email

correspondence r>

see page 22,

but many of

them a re not widely known. If you are not

absolutely certain that an ab breviation or set

of initials will be ea sily recognized, it is best

not to use it.

We saw on page 8 that the use of figures

instead of w ords for da tes can create problem s.

Numerical expressions can also cause

confusion. For exam ple, the decimal point in

British and Am erican usage is a full stop, but a

com ma is used in most continental European

countries, so that a British or American person

wo uld write 4.255

wh ere a French person

wo uld write

4,255

(which to a British or

American person would

meanfour thousand

two hundred and fif ty-five).

If there is the possibility of c onfusion, write

the expression in both figures and wo rds, e.g.

10,575.90 (ten thousand five hundred and

seventy-five pounds, ninety pence).

Preposit ions

Special ca re should be taken when using

prepositions. Th ere is a big d ifference between

The price has been increased

to

450.00,


by 45o.00,

and


from

450.00.

ACCURACY

Spell ing

Careless mistakes in a letter can give readers a

bad impression. Spelling, punctuation, and

gramm ar should all be checked carefully. Many

people have com e to rely on the spellchecker in

their com puters to ensure that there are no

spelling mistakes. But a word spelt incorrectly

ma y form a co mpletely different wo rd, e.g.

Please give it some though

(the writer means

thought); I saw it their

(the writer means

there).

A spell checker w ould m iss these mistakes.

Th ere is no substitute for ca refully reading, or

proofreading a letter that you ha ve written.

Th ies, nam es, and add resses

Use the c orrect title in the address and

salutation. Spell your correspondent's name

correctly (nothing creates a w orse impression

than a m isspelled name), and write their

address a ccurately.

If you do not know your correspondent, do

not assume that they are one sex or the other,

i.e. use

Dear Sir /Madam

rather than

Dear Sir

or

Dear Madam.

If you know a correspondent's

nam e but not their sex, use Mr

/Ms,

e . g . Dear Mr

/Ms Barron.

References

Wh en replying to a letter, fax, or em ail, quote

all references accurately so that it is immediately

clear to your reader w hat you are w riting

about.

36


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Pr i ces , measu rem ents , e tc .

Special care should be taken when quoting

prices or giving specifications such as

mea surements or weights. Quoting these

incorrectly can cause serious

misunderstandings.

Enclosures and attachments

Always check that you have actually enclosed

the docum ents you have m entioned in your

letter, or attached them to your email

>see page 14.

Check , too, that you have

enclosed or attached the right docum ents. If,

for exam ple, the doc ument you are enclosing is

invoice

PI,

/ 23 1, m ake sure you do not enclose

invoice

PL/213.

Wh en ordering, ma ke sure you quote the

order number correctly, especially in

international trade where m istakes ca n be

very expensive in both time and m oney.

Points to remember

1 Include the right amo unt of informa tion. If

you are responding to an enquiry, mak e sure

you ha ve answered all the w riter's questions.

2 Pla n before yo u start writing. Make sure you

say everything you want to say, and in a

logical sequence.

3 Use a simple but polite style of language.

4 Make sure that everything you write is clear

and ea sy to understand. Do not use

colloquial languag e or abbreviations that

your reader ma y not understand. W rite

numbers in word s as well a s figures.

5 Accuracy is important. Pay special attention

to details such as titles and names, and

references and prices, and remem ber to

check enclo sures or attachm ents.

6 C heck w hat you have written when you

have f inished. Make sure everything is as it

should be.

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3 9

MAKING ENQUIRIES

39 Opening

39 Asking for catalogues, price lists, etc.

39 Asking for details

40 Asking for samples, patterns, and demonstrations

4o Suggesting terms, methods of payment and discounts

4o Asking for goods on approval, or on sale or return

41 Asking for an estimate or tender

41 Closing

EXAMPLES 42

R.equest for

2

catalogue and price list

42

Request for 2

prospectus

42

Reques's for general information

43 Reply to an advertisement

44

Enquiry from a buying agent

45

Enquiry from a retailer .o a foreign rnanulac'surer

46

Points to remember


37/301

MAKING ENQUIRIES

A simple enquiry can be mad e by email,

fax, or ca ble. The contents of an enquiry will

depend on three things: how w ell you know

the supplier, whether the supplier is based in

your country or abroad, and the type of go ods

or services you are enquiring abo ut. There is

a difference between asking a com puter

com pany about the cost of installing a

com plex computer network and asking a

publisher about the price of a bo ok.

Tell your supplier wh at sort of organization

you are.

W e are a co-operative wholesale society based

in Zurich.

Our company is a subsidiary of U niversal

B usiness Machines and we specialize in...

W e are one of the main producers of industrial

chemicals in Germany, and we are interested

in ...

How did you hear abo ut the com pany you are

contacting? It m ight be useful to point out that

you know their associates, or that they were

recomm ended to you by a consulate or trade

association.

W e were given your name by the Hoteliers'

A ssociation in Paris.

Y ou were recomm ended to us by M r John King,

of L awsom & Davies, Merchant B ankers.

W e were advised by S pett. Marco Gennovisa of

Milan

that

y ou are interested in supplying ...

The B ritish Consulate in Madrid has told us

that you are looking for an agent in S pain to

represent you.

It is possible to use oth er references.

W e were impressed by the selection of

gardening tools display ed on your stand at

this year's Ham burg G ardening E xhibition.

Our associates in the packaging industry

speak highly of y our Zeta packing m achines,

and we w ould like to have more information

about them. Could you send us ...

Aglaqa5

c'ealiW egues, palca Has, etc.

It is not necessary to give a lot of information

abo ut yourself when asking for

CATALOGUE

S ,

price lists, etc. This ca n be do ne by letter, fax,

or ema il, but remem ber to give your postal

address. It is also helpful to point out briefly

any particular items you are interested in.

Could y ou please send your current catalogue

and price list for exhibition stands? W e are

particularly interested in stands suitable for

displaying furniture.

W e have heard about your latest equipment

in laser surgery and would like more details.

Please send us any inform ation you can

supply, m arking the letter For the A ttention of

Professor K azuhiro: T oky o G eneral Hospital,

K inuta-Setagayaku, T oky o, Japan.

I am planning to come and study in L ondon

next autumn and would be grateful if you

could send m e a prospectus and details of

y ourfees. lam particularly interested in

courses in com puting.

Please would y ou send me an up-to-date

price list for your building materials.

i Z o C a n g s

I I C J U

deWL

W hen asking for good s or services you should

be specific and state exactly wh at you want.

If replying to a n advertisem ent, you should

mention the journal or new spaper and its date,

and quote any Box

NUMBER

or department

number give

Documents

Commercial Correspondence Ashley