Coercion and control in pre-teen relationship cultures including young people in a whole education approach Professor Emma Over 20 years of research with children and young people on gender and sexual violence in schools (age 3-18) Conflict, coercion and control experienced by children as an inevitable part of their own young relationships (see also Lombard 2014). Children and young people live and grow up in a world where sexism and many forms of sexual violence are commonplace and normalized For some pre-teen boys, having a girlfriend could secure social popularity and prove their masculinity credentials to their peers. At my school you just had to [go out with someone], it was a virtual rule (Nico, age 11) They say, change your ways and if you look prettier then we will go out with you (Kayley, age 10) Many girls felt that their status as girlfriends objectified them, and they didnt like being passed around and fought over by boys who wanted to claim them as their girlfriend. They ask someone to ask the same girl out again and again, they like pass you around (Rachel, age 11) Some boys, like, if theres a girl, and theres two boys, the other boy might say to the other boys, oh youre not strong, you dont deserve to have her, I do, because Im strong enough (Veronique, age 10) Girls who rejected the world of boyfriends and girlfriends were often targets of sexual and gender bullying being called a lesbian or frigid I get called lesbian a lot cause when I play with all girls and theyre always saying that I do stuff like that (Jane, age 10) They call all the girls [who dont go out boys] tramps If we wouldnt [hug and kiss], theyd call us a fridge (Kelsey, age 12) If a girl breaks off a relationship with a boy] they slag her off like, innit they get really angry (Alun, age 12) PRESSURE TO COUPLE-UP Boys and girls struggled to be friends, sit together in school, play together or even complete a learning task together without someone (hetero)sexualising their interaction. Darryn was just talking to a girl and then all the girls went, oh theyre flirting, ooh aaah (Aaron, age 11) Its annoying cause we were learning partners, because you know, if youre learning partners, you have to talk, but you cant (Darryn, age 11) Non-consensual boyfriend-girlfriend cultures: a social process Sexual consent and sexual harassment often extend beyond the boyfriend-girlfriend couple to include wider peer group pressures INT:Does a girl ever go out with a boy when she doesnt really want to? Karina: Yes, because their friends force them sometimes Sadie: Sometimes you dont like them Karina: You end up giving in sometimes Sadie: You give up because they keep nagging Tessa: People try and push you together Myra: And I think that the only reason I went out with this person because it was like on text, and I felt really bad about saying no. You cant like say no. So you are like, okay Sadie: They (boys) go to their friend and say, its your decision and so the boys make up the other boys mind for them INT: So you could end up going out with a boy because another boy said yes? Sadie: Yeah Negotiating abusive relationships: romance, gender and violence There was a connection between boys who struggled with their masculinity and the sexual harassment of girls. This included repeatedly asking a girl out, or sending abusive texts to girls who refused to go out with them or ended the relationship They [staff on dinner duty] go the more the boys hit and chase you the more they love you (Kayley, age 10) They will say, will you go out with me, and if they [girls] say no they wont actually do it, but they will say (via text) well go out with me or I will hate you or something like that. And then the girls will get scared and they will go with them (Maisy, age 10) Some boys just pick on girls because they like them I dont know where they get that from (Aneria age 12) A whole school approach informed by a gender equalities and human rights framework. Successful programmes of change are embedded in gender equalities framework and local cultures (Jamal et al. 2015) Foregrounding children and young peoples OWN experiences of sexual harassment and sexual well- being (Article 12): age appropriate and experience near? Involve children and young people directly in preventative pedagogies and social and cultural change (e.g. arts-based practices) Creatively and safely promoting gender equalities for respectful relationships: A Young Peoples Guide (forthcoming 2016) Getting involved in local, national and international campaigns and awareness days can create opportunities for children and young people, staff and parents/care-givers to reinforce the learning and work together to end violence against women, domestic abuse and sexual violence. (Good Practice Guide: A whole education approach to violence against women, domestic abuse and sexual vioelnce, 2015) RELEVANT REFERENCES Barter, C. et al. (2009) Partner exploitation and violence in teenage intimate relationships. NSPCC/University of Bristol Ellis, J. and Thiara, R.K. (2014) (eds) Preventing violence against women and girls. Educational work with children and young people, Bristol Policy Press. Jamal, F. et al. (2015) Lets talk about sex: gender norms and sexual health in English schools, Sexual Health, 12, pp,1-3 Lombard, N. (2015) Young Peoples Understanding of Mens Violence Towards Women. Ashgate. Renold, E. (2013) Girls and Boys Speak Out: A qualitative Study of Childrens Gender and Sexual Cultures (age 10-12). Cardiff University. Renold, E. et al. (2015) (eds.) Children, Sexuality and Sexualisation. Palgrave. Ringrose et al. (2012) A Qualitative Study of Children, Young People and Sexting. NSPCC.