YOU REVEAL YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING, RIDICULOUS, WHAT-WAS- I-THINKING MOMENTS.

“I was in charge of capturing my friend’s wedding on video. The ceremony started and just as they were announced as husband and wife, I realized I’d forgotten to push record! They had to repeat the vows all over again so I could get a video.…Oops.”

—MYRNELLE S., 31,

hairstylist, from Miami

1

WE KNOW YOU HAVE

CONFESSIONS TO SHARE....

E-MAIL THE DIRTY

DETAILS TO

CONFESSIONS@

COSMOPOLITAN.COM,

OR TWEET YOUR TALES TO

@COSMOPOLITAN!

CON F ESSIONS

E DITE D BY I

M A RINA K HIDE K E L I

PHOTOGR APHED BY MEREDITH JENKS 39

7

“I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SEXY TO IT GOT EVERYWHERE, EVEN IN MY

NICK M., 21,

artist, from France

NATALIA R., 31,

receptionist, from

Queens, NY

ELIDJA C., 20,

hostess, from Miami

“ONE NIGHT, I FELL ASLEEP ON A BUS, AND WHEN I WOKE UP, THE BUS WAS DARK AND EMPTY—I WAS AT THE BUS DEPOT AT NYC’S PORT AUTHORITY STATION IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I’D MISSED ALL THE STOPS AND THE BUS DRIVER MUST NOT HAVE SEEN ME. I WAS SO CONFUSED.”

“M Y GI R L F R I E N D WA S

GI V I NG M E M Y ‘BI RT H DAY

GI F T’ AT M I DN IGH T W H E N

H E R PA R E N T S WA L K E D

I N W I T H A BI RT H DAY C A K E

FOR M E. T H E Y C A NC E L E D

T H E PA RT Y, A N D I

WA SN’ T A L LOW E D BAC K.”

—MICHAEL D., 27

“I ’M A BIT OF A

SHOPAHOLIC, SO THERE

ARE THINGS WITH

TAGS IN MY CLOSET

THAT HAVE BEEN

THERE FOR, LIKE,

YEARS. THAT’S ME—

POP THE TAG AFTER

FOUR YEARS.”

“I’m an engineering

student, and our

class had an engi-

neer come talk to us

about postgrad

opportunities. It was

very clear that he

didn’t think women

were as qualified for

the field as the guys.

So when he went to

shake our hands

after class, I licked

mine beforehand.

So gratifying.”

—TAYLOR S., 21

G U Y C O N F E S S I O N

“I SH AV E D

M Y N I PPL ES

Y EST E R DAY.”

REPORTED BY ANNA BRESLAW AND RORI KOTCH

C ON F E SSIONS

G U Y C O N F E S S I O N4

6

35

2

40 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MAY 2015

THE

COSMO

GUYS K Y L A R A

S T I N

PHOTOGR APHED BY BEN WAT TS | ST YLED BY ADAM MANSUROGLU

TICKETS TO

PITCH PERFECT 2!

Cosmo is giving away 200 pairs of tickets (up to $25 total

value). Enter to win at Cosmopolitan.com/Fandango.

See page 243 for details.

We didn’t think it w

as possible for us to crush harder on Pitch

Perfect 2

’s adorable aca-fella. And then we talked to him.

T O TA L B A L L E R

I’m a huge Knicks fan, even though

they’re so bad. I grew up in New York,

and I still love going to the Garden.

A LWAY S O N T H E DV RI love The Bachelor and The Bachelorette! Thank god they switched the genders. It’s aridiculous show, but at least it’s balanced out—silly guys pining for a woman and vice versa.

GO

’ HE A D, G

I RL

I have no problems with forward behavior,

especially if it’s cuttin

g through BS. It

forces you to be more honest. I think

honesty breeds confidence.

C A R E E R C U RV E B A L L

I went from a competitive-sports camp to

theater camp in a year. My fifth-grade year-

book said I’d play for the Mets, but I got bit-

ten by the [acting] bug one hundred percent.

W H O A R E Y O U O B S E S S E D W I T H ? T W E E T @ C O S M O P O L I T A N # C O S M O G U Y A N D Y O U C O U L D S E E H I M O N T HIS PAGE !

R O UG H & R E A DYMy biggest sport these days is the

UFC, surprisingly. I train a little bit.

Yeah, the guy who sang a cappella in

Pitch Perfect likes cage fighting!—RACHEL MOSELY

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50

HOW TO HAVE

A CONVERSATION

WITH A STRANGER

I’m cool showing up at a party alone. I just wander around until I find someone to talk to. But there was one party I went to by myself recently where I stood aimlessly in the middle of the room for a little too long. Another girl walked up, looked me in the eye, and said, “Hi!” Instant friends. It really is that easy. All you have to do is say hello. —H.J.

HOW TO BE THE

LIFE OF THE PARTYThere’s an episode of Broad City where BFFs Ilana and Abbi go from party to party in search of “the Narnia of partyas.” One party rates a 7. The next is an 8.5. They’re looking for a 10. We are all, in a way, the thing that we’re doing. So how do you get to turnt up? You turn up. Whether you’re hosting or coasting, if you want a good time, commit. One hundred percent. Party your ass off, and Narnia will appear.

TEMPERATURE

+ SPA VIBE (75 DEGREES)

LIGHTING

+DIM

+ SEXY

BATHROOM

+CLEAN

+STOCKED

+CANDLELIT

DESIGNATE YOURSELF THE HOUSE PHO-TOGRAPHER. GET PEOPLE

TO POSE, AND TAKE PICTURES.

IT’S A GREAT, EASY WAY TO INTRODUCE

YOURSELF TO PEOPLE. (IF YOU SHARE

THE PICTURES WITH THE

HOST, SHE’LL LOVE THAT.)

A PURPOSE OR CONCEPT

MAKES A PARTY SPECIAL.

APPLY THE SECRET SAUCE

LIBERALLY BE STOKED

TO BE THERE

Someone put in time, money, and effort to make this party

happen. If you’re not there to have fun, why

are you there?

BE COMPLETELY

PRESENT

Your IG feed rightfully demands your

attention every other minute of your life,

but during a party, it’s best to focus on the

humans in front of you.

REMEMBER THEIR

NAMES

“People love to hear their own name,”

says party planner Bronson Van Wyck.

So keep working your new friend’s name

into the conversation as a way to tattoo it on

your brain.

PART Y WISDOM

“Create an environment where every single person feels like it’s their birthday.” —MEGHAN EDWARDS, CREATOR OF UNDERGROUND PARTY TOP40

Let It Be LegendaryI N V I T E T H E

R I G H T M I X

Guests make a party. You want

each attendee to be seriously dope.

M A K E T H E

E X P E R I E N C E U N I Q U E

A good party makes you feel like you were a part of something that’s never going to

happen again.

C O N S I D E R E V E R Y

E L E M E N T

Details matter. Think about the greeting, the bar, where coats

go. Little things make a huge impact.

A RE

YOU THE

ODD M A N

OUT?

M A KE

THEM

FEEL AT

HOME

GI V E IT

A RE ASON

FOR

BEING

W H AT TRIP

WOULD

YOU TA KE

IF MONE Y

W ERE NO

OBJECT?

W H AT ’ S

YOUR

FAVORITE

PL ACE TO

E AT THE SE

DAYS?

W HERE ’D

YOU GET

THOSE

SHOE S?

W H AT ’ S

THE BE ST

THING TH AT

H A PPENED

TO YOU

TODAY ?

W H AT SHOW

A RE YOU

WATCHING

RIGHT

NOW?

MAKE AN ENTRANCE > Arrive 20 minutes late. That grace period is priceless. If you get there any earlier, you’re not giving the host any margin for error. > If you’re the host, make your guests feel at home as soon as they show up. Take coats, make introductions, and offer them drinks.

PR

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156

1 (750-milliliter) bottle pineapple-infused rum, chilled (see below)

2 cups homemade sour mix (see below)

1 cup Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur

2 cups club soda, chilled

2 (750-milliliter) bottles brut white sparkling wine or brut rosé, chilled

Ice mold

3 pints rainbow sherbet, or other assorted sherbets such as mango, pineapple, and lemon

PUNCH

Stir rum, sour mix, ginger

liqueur, and club soda together

in a punch or other serving

bowl. When ready to serve, stir

in sparkling wine, and slide in

ice mold. Scoop all sherbet into

the punch, or scoop individual

portions into serving cups

and ladle punch over sherbet.

Serve immediately.

PINEAPPLE RUM

Infuse 1 (750-milliliter) bottle

light or golden rum with

1 small pineapple, peeled,

cored, and cubed.

HOMEMADE SOUR MIX

Pulse 1 cup granulated sugar,

3 tablespoons finely grated

lemon zest, and 3 tablespoons

finely grated lime zest in a food

processor until sugar is damp and

no zest strands remain. Combine

sugar mixture and 1 cup water in

a medium saucepan, and cook

over medium heat, stirring, until

sugar is dissolved. Let syrup cool

to room temperature, and then

stir in 1 cup each fresh lemon

and lime juices. Refrigerate in

an airtight container for up to

one month. Shake before using.

Makes 1 quart.

Have, Just, Oceans of BoozeBUT NOT EVERYBODY DRINKS,

SO MAKE A FEW OF THESE TOOSHIRLEY TEMPLE / SERVES 1

Combine 3 ounces ginger ale, 3 ounces lemon-lime soda, and a dash of grenadine (or more to taste) in an ice-filled glass, and stir gently to combine. Garnish with a maraschino cherry and serve.

PART Y WISDOM

“If it’s raining, keep them dry. If it’s cold, keep them warm. If they’re thirsty, serve them a drink. If they’re hungry, give them food. The rest is semantics.” —BRONSON VAN WYCK

POUR THIS

PART Y LIBATION

RAINBOW SHERBET PUNCHDessert and booze? What kind of crazy brilliance is this? Try this recipe from María del Mar Sacasa’s Summer

Cocktails.

HOW

MUCH

L IQUID?

TWO DRINKS

PER

PERSON

PER

HOUR

+MORE JUST

IN CASE

PA RT Y FOUL

You can’t show up to

a BYOB thing

empty-handed. Similarly, if

it’s a theme or

costume party, get

on board.

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R/S

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158 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MAY 2015

ARE YOU A GHOST? > No? Then please thank your host before you bail. Even a quick thank-you wave works. > If you need to shut this party down, turn off the music, turn up the lights, and you’ll find that everyone magically wants to go home. Peace!

Every Party Has a Rhythm

THE INVITE SAYS 9,

NOT THE ACTUAL

CALL TIME.

THE PARTY WARRIORS

ARRIVE AROUND 9:30. THINGS ARE HEATING UP.

WHEN THE REAL EXODUS

STARTS AROUND

MIDNIGHT, PEOPLE EMPTY OUT QUICKLY.

IT’S 10 P.M. OUT OF NOWHERE, YOU HAVE A

PACKED HOUSE.

A FEW PEOPLE BOUNCE AROUND 11 P.M., BUT THEN YOU GET A

SECOND WAVE (USUALLY THE WILD ANIMALS).

NU

MB

ER

OF

BO

DIE

S

HANDLE ANY AWKWARD SITCH

NO ONE SHOWS UP

Act like that was the point. It was meant to be exclusive!

YOU BURNED THE FOOD

Open windows; order pizzas.

YOUR FRENEMY’S THERE

Be honorable. Say hi ASAP to get it out of the way.

YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH

Switch to water, and enlist a trusted friend as instant cohost.

PA RT Y FOUL

If you drop a tapa

or spill a drink on the rug,

do the right thing.

Help mop it up, and offer

to get it professionally

cleaned—deep

cleaned.

DON’T START THE MUSIC TOO HARD.

EASE PEOPLE INTO IT WITH A SLOW VIBE, AND STEADILY

BUILD TO YOUR CLUB-

GOIN’-UP RAGER.

L AY

DOW N

SOME

TUNE S

How the night (or day) goes from dead to bangin’ and back.

9 P.M. 10 P.M. 11 P.M. 12 A.M. FR

OM

TO

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HIV

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160 _ COSMOPOLITAN _ MAY 2015

manthropoYOUR GUIDE TO THE MALE BRAIN

FROM THE

MOUTH OF BAES

THE LIES GUYS TELL FOR LOVEHe’s using his family dog to get you in bed.

BY MARISSA GAINSBURG

WHY IT’S HOT: He’ll see that you

live a cool life and feel like he’s

missing out on the fun. If he likes

you, he’ll respond. If not, there’s

really nothing here for him to reject!

WHY IT’S HOT:

Saying your

burger was

arousing shows

you can find the

hotness

anywhere. He’ll

be strangely

turned on next

time he orders a

Quarter Pounder.

WHY IT’S HOT:

You never ask if he

wants to come. A

confident woman just

assumes that he

does. The easy way

to make your texts

sexier? Lose the

question marks.

WHY IT’S HOT: It’s a great tease that

lets him know you’re having naughty

thoughts about him. Plus, he’ll feel

special knowing you’d rather see him

naked than a ripped celebrity.

WHY IT’S HOT:

Making the two

of you together

seem like a bad

idea (for all the

right reasons) will

drive him wild

with desire.

Thank me later for

the massive

sexual tension at

parties.

I WANT YOUR TEXT

FIVE TEXTS EVERY GUY SECRETLY WANTSSad but true: Most of us are offensively boring via text (“wut up?”). It doesn’t have to be this way. Dating guru Matthew Hussey suggests new texting strategies that will really vibrate in his pants.

I’m at that new lounge that just opened. The music is amazing. Why aren’t you here?

Just saw The Avengers. Chris Evans is pretty, but I’d rather watch you take your shirt off for an hour.

You. Me. Tonight. Game of Thrones. Pizza. Be there.

I just had the most life-changing burger. Almost sexual.

It’s a good thing you’re just my friend’s brother or you and I would be trouble for each other.…

FOR MORE OF

MATTHEW’S SECRETS

ON DATING AND

RELATIONSHIPS, VISIT

HOWTOGETTHEGUY

.COM

206

logyGTFO

CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING CHEAT SHEET When is ghosting no longer okay? Let’s standardize the breakup system for posterity. BY ANNA BRESLAW

“Calm down” is a handy cop-out when guys are feeling lazy (which is often). As one friend said, “When I’m confused and don’t have much to say, I just tell her to calm down.”

But really, “calm down” is all about conflict avoidance. We’re scared that if you get emotional, things will escalate from a five-minute spat to a five-hour cry-fest, and we’ll have to talk about our feelings. The fact that doing so might clear the air or resolve issues? Irrelevant! We’d rather bottle up our emotions, then unleash them

days later by doing something weird like yelling at the cable guy. Genius, right?

Ever since our Little League coach told us to “rub some dirt on the wound” and get back in the game, we were nudged toward a code of “strong silent type” machismo. So the next time he plays the “calm down” card, remember he’s not heartless—he just lacks your savvy in how to deal.

—JEFF WILSER, AUTHOR

OF THE MAXIMS OF MANHOOD

GUYWITNESS NEWS

WHY DO GUYS ALWAYS SAY “CALM DOWN” DURING FIGHTS?The two dirty little words are a frustrating fallback for boyfriends across the nation. One man explains.

E DIT E D BY

MICHE L L E RUIZ

“I tell girls my dog lives with

me, even though he lives

with my parents. I look much

cuter next to a puppy.”

–STEVE J., 25

“For a first date,

I take girls to a coffee

shop I ‘love.’ I

secretly hate coffee.

I just don’t want to

drop cash on dinner

until the second or

third date.”

—TEDDY G., 25

75

ONE DATE

Drop off the face of the earth.

No explanation necessary.

Smell you later.

TWO DATES Classic “this is a craaazy week for me” text, followed by a slow fade.

THREE

MONTHS

Polite, half-honest phone call…

preferably longer than Joe Jonas’s

infamous 27-second

dumping of Taylor Swift.

SIX MONTHS

Mature conversation about how you’re just in “really different

places right now.” (Like, you want to be on top of another dude.)

ONE YEAR

One full day of crying, laughing, throwing

crockery, and deciding to stay Facebook friends.

THREE YEARS

An entire weekend of negotiation about why you have to part ways,

plus a custody battle over his T-shirts.

TEN YEARS

Divorce lawyer o’clock.

%

“I’ve been known to wear a random

sling around my arm or medical boot on

my foot at bars. Girls seem to have a

thing for the injured, vulnerable guy.”

—GARRETT B., 24

“I’m a tennis player,

but I tell girls I’m a coach.

Girls love an older guy

who’s ‘helping kids.’”

—ALEX C., 21

“I masturbate every

day. When girls I’m

dating ask, I say

three times a week.

It makes me seem

less horny.”

—JAY S., 26

OF ME N COP TO

M A K ING A SE X TA PE .

SCORSE SE -ME ETS -

SK INE M A X A LE RT!

SOURCE: STATISTICBRAIN.COM 2014 STUDY

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