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Circles of Trust DVD Transcripts

Chapter 1: The Primacy of Soul

PARKER PALMER: WheneverIspeakwithpeopleaboutsoul,Ialwaystrytoacknowledgethefactthatthisisoneofthosewordsthathastobeheldverylightlybecauseitpointstowardsamystery.It'samysteryforwhichnobodyhasthetruenameortherealstory.EverytraditionhasIthink,adifferentnameforit.TheHasidicJewscallitthesparkofthedivineineveryhumanbeing.BuddhistsIthink,callitbigselfsometimes,orSelfwithacapitalS.ThomasMertoncalledittrueself.Quakers,I'maQuakerandwetendtocallittheinnerlight,ortheinnerteacher.Ithinkallofthesearesynonymsforthesamethingandwhatthatthingis,noonereallyknows.ThebestIcandoissayit'sthe‘being’in‘humanbeing.’Whatapersoncallsitdoesn'tmattertome,butthatwecallitsomethingmattersalot.Sincethesoulitselfisamysterythatnobodyhasanamefor,Ithinktheclosestyoucancomeiswithanimageormetaphor.ThemetaphorthatIlandedonsometimeago,Ijustfoundenormouslyhelpfulwhichisthis,thatthesoulasIexperienceitisverymuchlikeawildanimal.Ontheonehandawildanimalhasthecapacitytosurviveinthedeep,darkwoodsinverydifficultplaces,placeswherethere'shardlyanythingtoeat.Awildanimalhasstrengthandhasresilienceandakindofwiliness,andakindofknowingaboutsurvivalthatthehumansoulhas,onwhichwedepend.Ithinkeverybodywhoseeverbeeninareallytoughsituationwouldsay,somethinginsidemeallowedmetokeepgoing,somethinginsidemekeptcarryingmeforward.Thesoulhasthisstrengthbutatthesametime,justlikeawildanimal,thesoulisalsoveryshy.Weknowthatifwewanttoseeawildanimal,thelastthingweshoulddoisruncrashingintothewoodsyellingandscreamingforittocomeout.Whatweneedtodoistowalkintothewoodsquietly,sitatthebaseofatree,breathwiththeearthforawhileandeventuallythethingweseekmayputinanappearance.Ifitdoeswemayonlycatchitoutofthecornerofoureye,buttoseesomethingsooriginal,sowild,sonatural,soelemental,Ithinkformostofusisnevertoforgetit.

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Chapter 2: The Great Divide

PARKER PALMER: I'minterestedinthedividedlifeandthemovementtowardbecomingdividednomore,whichisn'tsomethingthatonebecomesinaninstantforalltime.It'sadecisionthatIthinkwemakeandremakethroughoutourlives.WOMAN NARRATOR: WearebornwiththeseedoftrueselfthatcontainsthespiritualDNAofouruniqueness,anencodedbirthrightknowledgeofwhoweare,whywearehere,andhowwearerelatedtoothers.Aswetravelthetrickyterrainbetweeninfancyandyoungadulthood,stillcloseenoughtoouroriginstobeintouchwithourinnertruth,butawareofthemountingpressuretoplayamoreguardedroleoutthereintheworld,ourtrueselfstartstofeelthreatened.PARKER PALMER: Theideaofadividedlifecomesfirstfrommyownexperience.I'mjustawareofhowofteninmylifeIhavefeltitnecessarytobuildawallofseparationbetweenwhatwasgoingoninsideofmeandwhatIwasexpressingoutsideofme.Weliveinaworldwhereitfeelsthreateningtoletourownidentityandintegrityrevealitself.Webuildthiswallpartlyforinteriorreasons.ThenIthinkaswegrowolder,weworkourwaythroughaseriesofinstitutions,especiallyschoolsandtheworkplace,wherewe'reactivelytaughttokeepthatwallhighandwideandthick.WOMAN NARRATOR: Astheouterworldmakesmoredemandsonus,westopdoingthethingschildrendotostayclosetotheirsouls,thingslikedaydreamingandplayacting.Thecloserwegettoadulthood,themorewestifletheimaginationthatthesethingsrequire.Why?Imaginingotherpossibilitiesforourliveswouldremindusofthepainfulgapbetweenwhowetrulyareandtheroleweplayintheso-calledrealworld.AsThomasMertononcesaid,"Mostofuslivelivesofself-impersonation."PARKER PALMER: Theproblemwiththis,obviously,isthattheself,thetrueself,notthelittleegoself,thelittleselfishself,butthetrueself,theselfasweweremeanttobe,wantstomakeitselfknownintheworld.Ultimately,it'stheonlygiftwehavetogive.WOMAN NARRATOR: Thesoulwantsustobegroundedandtrue,tokeepusconnectedtothecommunityinwhichwefindlife.Itwantsustotellthetruthaboutourselves,ourworld,andtherelationbetweenthetwo.Itwantstogiveuslife,anditwantsustopassthatgiftalongtoothers.PARKER PALMER: Ireallybelievethatthegiftwehavetogivetoeachotherandtheworldisnotfirstandforemostintheskillsthatwewenttoschooltolearnorthetrainedcapacitiesthatwe'vedeveloped.Thosearevaluable,sureenough.Theselfhoodthatwecanoffereachother,thegiftofidentityandintegrity,thegiftofpresencetolivealifeinwhichyou'renotofferingthatgift,Ithinkissomehow,weknowintuitivelythatthatkindoflifefallsshortofwhywe'rehere,whoweweremeanttobe,howweweremeanttobe.

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Chapter 3: Journey Toward an Undivided Life

PARKER PALMER: IwanttousethisverysimplepieceofpapertojustsayafewthingsabouthowIunderstandamovementthatwegothroughinlifethathastodowiththerelationofourouterlivestoourinnerlives.Ouronstagelivesonthefrontofthisstrip,andourbackstagelives.OnstageIthinkwe'reworriedaboutthingslikeinfluence,image,impact.AmImakingadifferenceintheworld?HowdoIlookwhileI'mdoingit?Dotheylikeme?Allofthosekindofegoquestionsthatcomewhenwe'reengagedwiththeoutsideworld.BackstageIthinkthelanguage,ortheconcerns,areverydifferent.Ithasbackheretodowithintuition,withinstinct,withvalueandbeliefwithfaith.UltimatelyIthinkwiththosedeepersourcesinusfromwhichallthiscomeswhichfinallyIcallSoul,theBeing,andHumanBeingforwhichtherearemanynamesandnooneknowsthetruename.WOMAN NARRATOR: Wearebornintowholenessandintegrity,withnoseparationbetweenourinnerandouterlives.Astimegoesonandwebecomemoreconcernedwithsurvivingandsucceedingintheexternalworld,weslowlylosetouchwithoursoulsanddisappearintoourroles.PARKER PALMER: There'sastagetwo,whichhappensforsomekidsathome,happensformostofusatschool,wherewestartrealizingthatit'snotsafetobeourbackstagetruthintheonstageworld.Thatifweweretorevealtoomuchofwhowereallyareandhowwe'rereallyfeeling,theworldwouldbecomeadangerousplaceforus.Westartbuildingthiswallofseparation.Ithinkwhathappensisthatthatlifebecomespainful.Thisdisconnectbetweentheinnerandtheouterbecomesverypainfulandsoatsomepointformanyofusthere'sadesiretobringourlivesintothisclassicshapeofthecirclewhichmeansthatIwantwhat'simportanttomeinwardlytobecometheprinciplesaroundwhichmyexternalliferevolvessothatthere'ssomethinglikeunityinmylife.Inalotofspiritualwritingwefindthewordthatdescribesthisshape,whichisthewordcentering.Iwanttobecomecenteredsothatmyvalues,mybeliefs,myconvictionsbecomethesortofplumlinearoundwhichmyexternalliferevolves.That'sagreatstepforwardandyetwhenyouturntheimagethiswayyourealizethatwhatyou'relookingat,itlookskindoflikegettingthewagonsinacircleoragatedcommunity,awalledgarden,wherethetenancyistosaytheonlypeoplewhocancomeinherearethepeoplewhoagreewithme.Iwillexcludeeverybodywhodoesn'tsharemycorebeliefsandprinciples.Idon'tthinkit'sunfairtosaythatweseealotintheworldwherepeople'sspiritualityisusedinexactlythiswaysothatthisbecomes,despiteitseleganceandgraceasashape,justanotherkindofwall.It'saprettierwall,butit'sstillawallinmanycases.WOMAN NARRATOR: Yet,that'snotouronlyalternative.

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PARKER PALMER: Wecanseparatetheendsofthatcircle,flipthemthisway,reconnectthem,andcreatethisveryinterestingshapecalledtheMobiusStrip,whichhasthefeatureofbeingcontinuousandunbrokensothatyoucanputyourfingerontheoutsidesurface,orwhatappearstobetheoutsidesurface.Keeptracingitaroundandprettysoonseamlesslyfindyourselfonwhatappearstobetheinsidesurface.Keeptracingthataroundandprettysooncomeoutonappearstobetheoutsidesurfaceagain.YouhavetokeepsayingwhatappearstobebecausethemessageoftheMobiusStripisthereisnoinnerandouter.Thetwoco-createeachotherandwhenIsawthatIthought,"Yeah,that'sexactlywhathappensinlife."Whateverisinsideofmeandofyouemergesintotheworld,interactswithwhat'soutsideofuswhichwetakeinandinternalize,andinthatinteraction,inthatexchange,weco-createwhatwecallreality.Itseemstomethatultimatelythere'sjustonequestion,formeatleast,thatonehastoaskaboutthismodelofadultwholenessandthatis,asItravelthisMobiusStripbetweenmybackstagelifeandmyonstagelife,constantlyco-creating,howcanIbecomesoawareofthatexchange,thatco-creativetransactionmomentbymoment,thatIcanincreasinglymakechoicesaboutitthatarelife-giving,ratherthandeath-dealing.Tomethat'saveryimportantquestionthatlinkstheinnerlifewiththeouterlife.IthinktheMobiusStripistheadultformofthewholenessintowhichwewereborn.

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Chapter 4: Circles of Trust

WOMAN NARRATOR: Onourjourneytowardwholeness,weexperienceaparadox.Weneedsolitudetohearandhonortheinnerteacher,andyetweneedcommunityaswell.Weneedthecomfortandthechallengeofotherpeoplewhocanhelpusdiscernourinnertruthandsupportusinthedemandsofembracingit.Weneedwiseanddependablesupportifwearetotakeanhonestandsustainedjourneytowardanundividedlife.PARKER PALMER: Onceyou'vesaidthatthesoulhasprimacyorsomekindofveryfundamentalandimportantroletoplayinhumanlife,notonlyinindividuallifebutincollectivelife,thenyouhavetoaskthequestion,"Howdowegetaccesstothat?Howtoweinvitethattocomeintoview?"Oneofthechallenges,Ithink,beforemeformanyyearswastotrytounderstandwhatitmightlookliketoeducatethesoulintheoriginalmeaningofthatword"educate,"toinviteoutfromwithin,tocreateaspaceinwhichthesoulcanputinanappearanceandspeakitsvoiceandmakeitsclaimonourlives.WOMAN NARRATOR: ACircleofTrusthasnoagendaotherthantosupporttheinnerjourneyofeachpersoninthegroup,tomakeeachsoulfeelsafeenoughtoshowupandspeakitstruth,tohelpeachpersonlistentohisorherinnerteacher.Unfortunatelyinourculture,communitytoooftenmeansagroupofpeoplewhogocrashingthroughthewoodstogether,scaringtheshysoulaway.PARKER PALMER: WhenIwaswritingthebookAHiddenWholeness,andIwassearchingforanamethatwoulddescribethisformofcommunitythatweinvitepeopleintoofbeingalonetogether,ofmakingaspacethathonorstheinnertruthofeveryindividualinthecommunity,thephrase"circleoftrust"cameveryquicklytomind.Atrust,atthislevel,isverycounter-culturalinourworld,butwhatIthinkwedobycallingitaCircleofTrustispreciselywhatLincolnhadinmindwhenhesaidwemustinvite“thebetterangelsofournature”ontotheplayingfield,intothepublicarena.Ithink,likeeverythingwedo,thisisinvitational.Itinvitesthattrustingandtrustworthypartofourselvestoshowup.WOMAN NARRATOR: Communityisvitalinhelpingusdevelopasenseoftrueself,whereonlyincommunitycantheselfexerciseandfulfillitsnature:givingandtaking,listeningandspeaking,beinganddoing.Yettrueselfwillshowuponlyincommunitiesthatmakeitfeelsafe.Asweinvitepeopleintothesecircles,wemustbeabletomakereliablepromisesabouttheprotectionstheywillfindoncetheygetthere.PARKER PALMER: Oneofthepromissorynotesiswewillestablishtheconditionsherethatwillbehospitabletoyoursoul,thatwillbewelcomingtoyoursoul,thatyoursoulwillfindtrustworthy.We'veoperationalizedthatnotionwithallkindsofcarefullythoughtoutgroundrulesandallkindsofcarefullythoughtoutpracticessothatwhathappensalmostallthetimeisthatthisinvitationtobeaCircleofTrustbecomes,infact,arealCircleofTrust.

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Chapter 5: Establishing Conditions for a Circle of Trust

PARKER PALMER: ItseemstomethatinourkindofworldweneedtothinkcarefullyabouttheconditionsthatmakeCirclesofTrustaccessible,available,possibleforrealpeoplewholeadreallives,andfiveofthoseconditionshaveoccurredtomeovertheyears.BythatImeanawholebunchofthingsbutespeciallyclearlimitsonthetimecommitmentinvolved.Wetrytobeveryclearwithpeopleabouthowmuchtimethey'reaskedtogivetothisandthenwetrytokeeptimeverycarefully.Ithinkoneofthethingsthatmakesthesoulfeelsafeisleadershipthatcomesthroughonitspromisesandoneofthepromiseswemakeishowwe'regoingtousethattime.There'sanotherpieceofclaritythathastodowiththeintentionalityofthisgroup,whyitiswe'retogetherandwhereitiswe'retryingtogotogetherwhichconstantlyrevertsbacktothatTouchstoneofhonoringthesoul,ofmakingsafespaceforyoutolistentoyourinnerteacher,beingalonetogetherinacommunityofpeoplewhereyoucanbothhearyourself,anddosomesortingandsiftingofthatinnertruthinthepresenceofothersgainingalsotheirencouragement,andclaritytooaboutthegroundrulesthatmakeallofthatpossiblesothatthere'sintentionalitynotonlyaboutwherewe'regoingbutabouthowwe'regoingtogetthere.There'sveryspecificguidancethatpeopledon'tfindconfiningbutliberatingthathelpsshapeourrelationshipsandthatendupmakingthesegroupsformostpeopleI'vetalkedtonotaheavyaddontoanalreadybusyschedulebutthekindoftimeandspacethatactuallyliberatesotherpartsoftheirlives.Itactuallyliftssomethingofftheirshouldersandgivesthemamorespacioussenseoftime,andwork,andrelationships,andallofthosethingsthatwemaygetjammedupwithotherwise.ThisisalittletrickyonetotalkaboutbecauseaCircleofTrustcanconsistoftwoofthreepeoplewhoknowhowtoholdsafespaceforthesoulandI'mnotsuggestingthattheyneedafacilitatorbuttheydoneedalotofsensibility,andahighdegreeofawareness,andadisciplinedpracticeabouthowtokeepthespacesafeforeachother.Asacirclegrowslarger,andtypicallyourcirclesmighthave25peopleinthem,askilledleaderisveryimportantbecauseeverythingthatwe'redoingiscounter-cultural.Thisbasicnormwehave,nofixing,nosaving,noadvising,nosettingstraight.Thatgoesrightupstreamagainsteverythinginourcultureandafacilitatorneedstoholdaspaceinwhichthatnormisliftedup,andinsistedupon.It'sreallyoneofournon-negotiablesbecausewhenwebreakthatrulethesoultendstogobackintohiding.Becauseit'scriticalwe'reverycarefulaboutwhoitisthatweacceptintofacilitatorpreparation.Wetakeatleastayeartopreparethosepeopleandoftenmorethanayearbecausetheyhaveamentoringrelationshipthatgivesthemanotheryearofsortofpractice,inmanycases,beforetheystrikeoutontheirown.Ithinkifacommunityisgoingtoholditsownagainstthecurrentofthemainstreamculture,leadershipisaveryimportantcomponent.It'sakindofleadershipthatnotonlydemandsthatIbegrantedauthoritybythegroupbutthatalsorequiresmetoauthorizeeachandeverypersoninthatgrouptocomefromtheinsideout.Toliveouthisorherbeliefs,values,commitmentsinwordsandactions.It'samutualgiftofrejoiningthesoulandrole,ofbringingwhoyouaretowhatyoudo.

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Chapter 6: Characteristics of a Circle of Trust

PARKER PALMER: Ithinkthethirdconditionforacircleoftrustisthatitbeinvitational,openlyinvitational.BythatImean,nooneiscompelledtogothere,thatthisisnotsomethingthatanemployercanassignemployeestodo,oraschooldistrictcansendpeopletoasaremedialcourse.Thisissomethingthathastobechosenbecausethat'stheonlywaythesouliswillingtooperate.Thesoulisthefreestpartofusanditoperatesunderitsownsteampower.Itdoesn'ttakeorderswell.Notonlydopeoplehavetocomeintoacirclefreely,butoncetheygetthere,everythingthatwedowiththemhastobeofferedupasinvitation,asfreedomofchoice.Whenwegiveintoacircle,forexample,andwewantonthatfirsteveningtogiveeveryoneachancetointroduceherselforhimself,wedonotsay,Idon'tsayasfacilitator,“Let'sstartonmyleftwithGeorgeandthengoaroundthecirclewithself-introductions,”becauseassoonasIdothat,I'veintroducedanelementofcoercion.ThatGeorgehastogofirstandwhoeverisnexttoGeorgehastogonext.That'snotfree,that'snotfreedom,that'snotinvitational.Wesay,“Whoeverwantstointroducethemselvesfirst,pleasefeelfreetodoso.Whoeverwantstogonext,feelfreetodoso,andwe'lljustsithereuntileveryonewhowantsthechancetointroducethemselveshasdoneso.”Wetakethisinvitationalprincipleveryseriouslyineverythingwedo,evenself-introductions.Noforcedmarchesaroundthecircle.Wesaytopeople,ifIasfacilitatorinviteasmallgroupopportunity,you'refreetojointhatornot,dependingonwhatyoufeelyouneed.Maybewhatyouneedatthatpointissomesilenttime,somejournaling,awalkinthewoods,anap.Whoknows?Yoursoulknowsbetterthanwedowhatyouneed.Wereallymeanthatyouhaveaninnerauthoritythatexceedsours.WhatwefindhappeningunderthoseinvitationalcircumstancesisIthink,acoupleofthings.Oneisthatpeoplereallydohaveachancetohearwhat'sarisinginsideofthemandtotakeitseriouslyinawaythatgoesfarbeyondanythingwecouldputintotheirmindsorhearts.Secondly,becausetheyarefree,theyinvestthemselvesatanextraordinarylevelofintensity.Hardlyeverdoessomeonetakethatfreedomtoleavetheroom.Theytakeittoembracethisopportunitywithanewdepthandvigor.We'llworkformaybeanhour,dialoguestylewithapoem.We'llthengivepeopleahalfhourofsilentbreaktodosomejournaling.We'llthengointosmallgroupsforpeople,triads,wherepeoplecantalkmoreintimatelywithoneanotherandgetmoreairtimethenyoucaninalargegroup,andthenbacktothelargecircleforaverysimpleprocessofsharinginsights,whichwedon'tdiscuss,wejustreceiveintothecenterofthecircle.Whenyouthinkaboutthatkindofrhythmicpedagogy,youstartrealizing,welleverybodyhassomewayofparticipatinginthisandpeoplewhoarenotcomfortableinthelargecirclecanbecomfortableinsolitudeorthesmallgroup.Ithinkwhenyouputallthistogether,theseelementsofgracefulambiance,thisslowingdown,thisdoingmorewithless,thispayingattentiontorhythm—whatyouhaveisthegroupprocessequivalentofwalkingintothewoods,sittingquietlyatthebaseofthetree,breathingwiththeearthandwaitingforthesoultoputinanappearanceanditdoes.

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Chapter 7: Common Ground & Third Things

PARKER PALMER: Thequestionbecomes:how,inanofficiallysecularandhighlypluralisticsociety,doyougivepeoplecommonground,asortoflevelplayingfieldasitweretoexploreinnerlifeissueswithoutseemingtocomeatthemfromthestandpointofaparticulartradition,letaloneacreedorbeliefsystem?ThewholepurposeandobjectiveoftheCircleofTrustistomakesafespaceforthesoul.Oneofthewayswedothatisbyusingwhatwe'vecometocall“thirdthings”asthefocusofthetensionatcertainmomentsintheCircleofTrust.Bythirdthing,whatImeanisthatwenowhaveapresenceintheroomwhichisotherthanfacilitatororoneoftheparticipants.Itcouldbeapoem,itcouldbeateachingstoryfromoneofthewisdomtraditions,itcouldbeacasestudyfromtheprofessionthatwe'reworkingwith.Itmightbeapieceofmusicorapieceorart,butthepointistoinvitethegrouptointeractwiththisthirdthingastheywouldwithalivingbeing,togetindialoguewithit,togetinsideitandtoletitgetinsideofthemandtoletitevokefromthemwhateveritisthatthesoulwantstosay.ThesethirdthingshavethewonderfulqualitythatwasnamedbyEmilyDickinsoninoneofherpoemswhensheadmonishedusto“tellthetruthandtellitslant.”Youcantalkaboutthepoemanditsjourney,itsdepictionofjourney,towardsself-hoodandsayalotofthingsaboutyourselfwithoutattachingyourownnametoit.ThathappensuntilpeoplestarttorealizethisreallyisaCircleofTrust.Thisreallyisasafeplace,andnowIcanattachmynametosomeofwhatI'msayingmediatedbythegracious,hospitablepowerofthesethirdthingswhichbecome,forus,likeanotherpersonintheroom,awelcoming,inviting,evocativepersonwithwhomwe'reindialogueandwithwhomwe'relearning.Whenweworkwiththirdthings,andweinvitepeopleinthegrouptorespondtothepoem,thestory,thecasestudy,thepieceofmusic,whateveritmaybe,wedon'tdothetypicalacademicthingofdebatingaboutit,aboutwhatitreallymeans.Theinvitationisratherforeachpersontospeakfromhisorhercentertothecenterofthecircleandtoletthoseaffirmations,thosevexations,theblessings,whatevertheymaybe,liethereinjuxtapositionwithoneanotheratfirst.EventuallywhathappensisthatthesecommentsstartweavingthemselvestogetherinwhatI'vecometocalla“tapestryoftruth,”whichisaverycomplexthingthatemergesoverthelifeofagroup.Youcanseepeoplestudyingthattapestryandsaying,"Oh,thatthreadthatIputinyesterdayisnowonethatIcanwithdraw,becauseathreadthatsomeoneelseputinhasclarifiedthatissueforme."Peoplearelearningpowerfullyinawaythat's,again,verycounter-cultural.They'renotlearningthroughotherpeople'sattemptstopersuadethemtothinkdifferentlyortoarguethemintosomeotherposition.They'relearningincommunity,becausethistapestrykeepsgettingwovenandrewoven.They'relearningfromwithin.Thesenseofcommunityispalpableandthesenseofpeoplebeingintouchwiththeirowninnertruthispalpableaswell.

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Chapter 8: Clearness Committee

PARKER PALMER: Wehaveallkindsofsacredquestionsinsideofus.What'sthemeaningofourlives?What'sthepurposeofourlives?Whataboutdeath?AllthesedeepquestionsofmeaningandsoitseemstomethateverywisdomtraditionthatIknowanythingabout,eastandwest,isinthefirstinstanceawayofknowingthatinvitesusintounderstandingtheunityofallthingsandlearningabouthowtointegrateourselvesmoredeeplyintotheunitythatweareandtheunitythat'sallaroundus,theoneness.Everywisdomtraditiongivesuspracticesthathelpthathappen,thathelpusclaimwholeness.TheClearnessCommitteeisapracticeinventedinthemiddleoftheseventeenthcenturybytheearlyQuakerswhobelieveddeeply,asIbelieve,thateverypersonhasaninnerteacher,asourceofinnertruth,whichformeisthesameassoulorself-hoodoridentityandintegrity.Thequestionwashowtohelppeoplegetintouchwiththat,howtoopenaperson'slifetohearthatinnertruthmoredeeplybecauseweallknowhowdifficultthatisinthenoiseoftheworldandintherushofourlivesandwithourownegosconstantlyatwork.Asmallgroupofpeople,fiveorsixpeople,gatherfortwohourswithapersonwho'sgotaquestionthatheorsheiswrestlingwith:anissue,aproblem,adecisionthey'retryingtomake,adiscernmentthey'retryingtomake.Fortwofullhoursthosefiveorsixcaring,competentadultsoperatewithaverysimplerule.Theycannotspeaktothatso-calledfocusperson,thepersonwiththeissue,inanyotherwayexcepttoaskanhonest,openquestion.Itsoundssimplebutifyouimaginenotonlythelengthoftimeinvolved,twohours,butwhat'sinvolvedinaskinghonest,openquestionswhichturnsouttobeverychallengingandverydemanding.Haveyouthoughtaboutseeingatherapistisnotanhonest,openquestion.Itrepresentsthekindofquestionweliketoask,whichhasbuilt-inadvice.Weaskaquestionasifwehadaquestionwheninfactwe'retryingtoadvisesomeone.Thepurposeofthisprocessistolayallofouradviceaside,allofourwisdom,allofourguidance,allofourthoughtsaboutwhatthispersonoughttodo,andtocreateaspacethat'stobeoccupiedbythatpersonandthatpersonalone,tolistenascloselyaspossibletohisorherinnerteacheraidedbyquestionsthatstripawaywhateverobstaclesmayliebetweenmyearsandmytruth.Ifeelahugesenseofresponsibilityaboutthis.IalwayshaveandIalwayswill.IfeelfierceaboutitbecauseI'mthepersonwhohassaidtoseveralpeople,inthiscaseincludingmyself,“We'regoingtocreateaspacehereinwhichyoursoulwillbesafe.”I'veofferedthatasapromissorynoteandItakethatveryseriously.I'vebeenaroundthehumanpotentialmovementtoolongandI'veseentoomanypeoplewounded.Eventhoughsafetywaspromisedtheywereinvaded,exploited,andmanipulated.Idonotwantthattohappenonmywatch,period.Amen.Iwanttoputthisinsuchawaythatyougetalittlescaredaboutyourresponsibility.Youshouldbe.Notsoscaredyou'reparalyzedandnotabletodoit,butawarethatwearesuspendingthenormalrulesofsocialdiscourseinaveryprofoundway,andinvitingyouintoaparalleluniverse,analternatereality.Thecoreofthatalternaterealityisverysimple.Itistheconvictionthatthispersonhasaninnerteacher,haswisdomandtruthwithinherselforhimself,doesnotneedatthismomentintimeourwisdom,ourinnerteacher,ourguidance.Instead,needsaccesstothatvoicewithin,which,asweallknow,getsobscuredandblockedbyallkindsofthings:externalstatic,internalstatic.Wecan,intwohoursthis

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morning,createaquietspacewiththosehonest,openquestionsthathelppeopleremovewhateveritisthatstandsbetweentheirawarenessandtheirinnerteacher.TheClearnessCommitteeisinalotofwaysamicrocosmofthewholeCircleofTrustprocessandwhenweaskpeople,aswe'vebeendoingformorethanadecadenow,ofallthethingswedidinaCircleofTrust,theworkingwithpoetry,thesilence,thejournaling,thesmallgroups.Whatwouldyousayisthepearlofgreatprice?ManypeoplesayitwastheClearnessCommitteethatbroughtthisallhomeandthatreallywastransformative.

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Chapter 9: Inner Work can change the Outer World

PARKER PALMER: Everygreatmovementforsocialchangehasbeenanimatedbypeoplewhodidseriousinnerworktoconstellate,consolidate,andgivetrajectorytothepowersofthehumanheart,becausethoseweretheonlypowerstheyhad.Everythingelsehadbeentakenawayfromthem.Allexternalformsofpower.Onlybytakingtheinnerlifeseriouslyandlearninghowtoaccessandaimthepowerthat'sinus,notonlyindividuallybutcollectively,couldanyofthesegreatmovementsforchangehavehappened.Theblackliberationmovementinthiscountry,theliberationmovementinSouthAfricatogetoutfromunderApartheid,inEasternEuropetogetoutfromundercommunism,inLatinAmericatogetoutfromunderrawexploitationofmanysorts.Thoseare,ofcourse,ongoingmovements.IfyouaskyourselfwhatmakesaRosaParks,orwhatmakesaVaclavHavelorwhatmakesaNelsonMandela,whospent38yearsinprison—whatmakesthesepeopleistheircapacitytotaketheinnerlifeseriously,andtotapthesourcesofpowerthatliewithinus,thatareasimportantinthetransformationofinstitutionsandsocietiesasanyoftheexternalpowersthatwegivesomuchcreditto.Ourtheoryofchangecertainlybeginswiththatworkofindividualtransformation,whichwedon'tforceonpeople.Peoplehavetochoosethat.Peoplehavetoenterafreeandsafespacetoletthatemergewithinthemselves.That'swhatourCircleofTrustisallabout.TheCircleofTrustisalsoaboutacommunityoffolkswhobothevokethatinnerworkfromeachotherandthensupportandaffirmeachother,blesseachotherreally,incarryingthatinnerworkforward,becauseeveryoneofthosepeopleIhavenamed,theRosaParks',theVaclavHavels,theNelsonMandelas,needednotonlyinnerworkbutexternalcommunitytohelpthemholdthefruitsofthatworkandfaceintothechallengesofbeingtruetotheinnerteacher.That'snotaneasythingtodo.Oneneedsacommunityofsupportinordertodoit.Webelieve,Ibelieve,thattheworkwehelppeopledoinwardlyhasconsequencesinthelargerworld.Ithinkwhatwe'redoinginCirclesofTrust,forusordinarymortals,whichthosethreepeoplearetoo,ordinarymortals,Ithinkwe'rehelpingeachotherreclaimselfhood,identityandintegrity,thepowerofourownhearts,inawaythat'sheldwithdisciplineandintentionalitythatcanflowtowardsthetransformationofinstitutionsandlargersocialsystems.

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Chapter 10: Standing in the Tragic Gap

PARKER PALMER: Ithinkit'sprettyobvioustoalotofpeoplethatweliveinverybrokentimes.Weliveintimeswithlotsandlotsofgapsbetweenthedifficultrealitiesoflifeandwhatweknowtobepossiblehumanly.Weknowthatweliveinaworldatwarbutwealsoknowthatitispossibletoliveatpeace.That'sabigexample.Weknowthatweliveinasituationwherehealthcareisnotavailabletoprobablythepeoplewhoneeditmostandweknowthathumanlyitwouldbepossibletomakeitavailable,soon,andon,andonitgoes.EverybodywouldhavetheirownexampleofwhatI'vecometocallthesetragicgaps.I'vecometobelievethatoneofthemostimportantqualitiesthatapersoncanhaveinourtime,apersonwhowantstotakeleadership,whetherthat'spositionalleadershipornon-positionalleadership,peoplewhowantsimplytohelpmakethisabetterworld,oneofthemostimportantcapacitiestheycanhaveisthecapacitytostandinthetragicgaphoweverthatmaybedefinedintheirlives.Tostandtherewithoutflippingoutoneitherside,toflipoutonthesideoftoomuchrealityistobecomecynical.It'sajungleoutthereandI'llfindsomewaytofightandsurvive.Thatcynicismthatsimplycontributestomakingtheworldaharderplace.Ifyouflipoutontheothersideintotoomuchpossibilitythenyoubecome,Ithink,akindofirrelevantidealistwhosimplyfliesabovethebattlewithouteverreallydescendingtoengageitinhumanterms.WOMAN NARRATOR: Itisnoteasytoliveinthismiddlegroundinthespacebetweenwhatisandwhatcouldbe.Infact,itisuncomfortableandscary,soweneedcommunitiesofsupportwherewecandeveloptheinnerstrengthnecessarytoholdboththeworld’sreality,andourhopesforthefuture.PARKER PALMER: ThecapacitytostandinthistragicgapandtoholdthosetensionsistomeoneofthegreathumanqualitiesthatIthinkwehelpcultivateinCirclesofTrustbygivingpeoplemoreaccesstothatinnergroundwhereyoucanstandandholdwhatappeartoberadicaloppositesinawaythathelpsyoubecomeaco-creativeagentoffindinganewwaythrough,anewwayahead.Notthatthetragicgapwilleverdisappear.ImeanIdon'tbelievethatperfectionisgoingtohappeninmylifetimeanywaybutthatthequalityofholdingthattensionisaqualitythathelpsmoveusforwardindividuallyandcollectivelyintosomethingthat'salittlebetter,alittlebetter,alittlebetter,invitingthosebetterangelsofournatureontothescene.WOMAN NARRATOR: Standinginthetragicgapcanbeaheartbreakingexperience,butinsteadofbreakingintopiecestheheartcanbebrokenopenintolargercapacity,newpossibilitiesandmorelife-givingresponsestothestrugglesofourtimes.PARKER PALMER: Thewholequestionofhowtoallowthattightclenchedfistofamusclecalledtheheart,toallowittoopenintoalargermorecapaciousvessel—Ithinkthat'sonethatweworkonconstantlyinourCirclesofTrust.Ithinktheopeningoftheheartinwaysthatallowustostandinthistragicgapisoneofthemostimportantcontributionsthatthiskindofworkcanmaketothesufferingworld.

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Chapter 11: Nonviolence in Everyday Life

WOMAN NARRATOR: OneofthegiftswearegiveninaCircleofTrustisachancetoseehowabnormalviolenceis.Here,surroundedbygroundrulesthathelpusrelatetoothersinlife-givingways,weexperienceourinnatecapacitytohonor,notviolate,theidentityandintegrityofeveryhumanbeing,includingourselves.Aswecreateasafespaceforeachother'ssoul,wediscoverwhatitmeanstolivenonviolentlyandwedevelopavisionofhowwemightlivethatwayindailylife.PARKER PALMER: It'snotjustinrelationtowarintheworld,asimportantasitisthatwetakeanonviolentpositiontowardsproblem-solvingonaglobalscale,Ibelieve,butthattheworkplacewhichisthebattlefieldofmanypeople'slivesinthesensethatit'swheretheyfeeltheiridentityandintegritythreatenedsooften.Asthatdoctordoes,thatsaidtomeafewmonthsago,"IworkinasituationwhereeverydaytheyhavemerightontheedgeofviolatingmyHippocraticoath."Wellthat'sviolence.That'sinstitutionalviolence.Weunderstandthatviolenceisn'tsomethingwedoonlywithbombsandbullets,orwithpunchesandkicks,butwedoitinstitutionally.Wedoitverbally.Wedoitinourrelationshipstoeachotherbyviolatingtheintegrityoftheotherperson'ssoul.Howdoyoukeepfromviolatingtheintegrityofanotherperson'ssoul?Ithinkyoustartbylearningtohonortheintegrityofyourown.Youcannotgivetoanotherpersonwhatyoudon'tgivetoyourself.It'sjustimpossible.WOMAN NARRATOR: Nonviolencemeansacommitmenttoactineverysituationinwaysthathonorthesoul.InCirclesofTrust,webegintoseehowthePrinciplesandPracticesofthecirclecanbeexportedtootherpartsofourworlds:tothefamily,theneighborhood,theworkplace,andthepublicarena.PARKER PALMER: Veryconcretely,withsomeofourteachersforexample,theyreportthathavinglearnedincirclesoftrustanonviolentwayofreceivingideasthattheydisagreewithwherenormallytheywouldhaverunatthatideaoratthepersonholdingthatideawiththeirownopinionandcreatedthehead-oncollisionwhichisournormalmodelofhowwe'resupposedtoengageinchange.Theylearninsteadtobereceptive,tobeopen,toturntowonderaboutwherethiscomesfrominthisperson'slifeandthentoaskanhonest,openquestion,whichnotonlyhelpshearthatotherintodeeperspeech,butsometimeswillhelpme,thequestioner,hearthatthere'smorethatwehaveincommonthanIthoughtatfirstblush.Ittakestime.It'sslow.Itdoesn'thappenovernight,butifyou'repersistent,somemutualunderstandingstartingtobuild,whichIthinkrepresentsveryconcretelynonviolenceintheworkplaceandcreatesbothamorepeaceableandmorefruitfuloutcomeforpeopleinworkingsituationswhentheylearnhowtohonorthesouloftheother,whichiswhatImeanbynonviolence.

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Chapter 12: The Soul of the Citizen

PARKER PALMER: WethinkalotthesedaysaboutCirclesofTrustassomethingofamodelofthekindofcommunitythatneedstobeoutthereforcitizenstorecovertheircapacitytoapproachourcommonlifeinthiscountrywithdecency,withopenness,withgenerosity,andwithalackoffear,whichagainistherootproblemthatCouragetoTeach,CouragetoLead,CouragetoServe,istryingtoaddress.Thefearthatsooftenparalyzesusandshutsusdown.Ofcourse,inoursocietythesedays,nationallyandglobally,thefearinaverysharpandparalyzingwayisafearoftheother,whoeverthatmaybe,thepersonofanothercolor,thepersonofanotherreligion,thepersonofanotherethnicity.Ifwearegoingtorecoverthecitizenlyhabitsthatmakeademocracywork,weneedtohavethiscountrydotted,throughourchurchesandsynagoguesandmosques,throughourschools,eveninourworkplaces,allkindsofinstitutionalsettings.Weneedtohavethiscountrydottedwithcirclesofpeoplewhoarelearningtotalktooneanotherinacreativewayaboutcommonproblemsonwhichtheyhavequitedifferentopinions.Iremember,someyearsago,visitingaplaceinTennessee,calledtheHighlanderFolkCenter.Ithinkit'snowcalledtheHighlanderResearchCenter,andtheHighlanderResearchCenter,whenIvisitedit,wasessentiallyafarmhousewithsomeotherbuildingsoutinthemiddleoftheTennesseecountryside.Inthelivingroom,thebigoldlivingroomofthisbigoldfarmhouse,therewereabout20Tennesseerockingchairsinacircle.Iwaspowerfullyremindedthatitwasinthatcircle,atthatplace,thatpeoplelikeMartinLutherKing,Jr.,andRosaParksandFannieLouHamer,andlotsofotherswhosenameswedon'tknowthatwell,gatheredtogetherinthe'50s,whitesandblacksinthesamecircle,togetheracrossraciallines,forthefirsttime,inthateraofSouthernlife,talkingaboutwhatitwasliketobeablackpersonandtobeawhitepersoninahighlysegregatedsocietyandthepricethateverybodywaspayingforthat.Outoftellingthosestoriesandoutofthemutualunderstandingthatemerged,andthenoutofsomeveryspecifictrainingandnon-violence,whichmadethosecirclesdifferentfromCirclesofTrustasweholdthem,butoutofthatsittingincircle,tellingstories,sharingoflives,touchingthesoul,rejoiningitwiththecitizenlyrole,cameaCivilRightsMovement,whichwasoneofthegreatactsofcitizenshipofthe20thcentury.Ahistorylikethatandthefactthatsomuchhashappenedoutofthesesmallcirclesofpeople,learningtotelleachotherthetruth,inagenerousandhospitableway,neithergivingnortakingoffense,astorylikethatremindsmeofthepowerofCirclesofTrusttorestorethesoulofthecitizenand,inturn,tohelprestorethesoulofdemocracy.

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Extra: A Conversation with Rick & Marcy Jackson and Parker Palmer

PARKER PALMER: MynameisParkerPalmer.I'mherewithmygoodfriendsandcolleaguesRickJacksonandMarcyJackson,co-directorsoftheCenterforCourageandRenewal.Withthejoyofsometimetohaveaconversationaboutthefriendshipandworkwehavesharedfortwenty-fiveyearsnow,ofwegoallthewayback.Itreallydoesamazingme,Rick,firstofallthatyouandImettwenty-fiveyearsago,IguessonthebasisofapieceofwritingIhaddone.ThenIrememberafewyearslater,justmaybefiveyearslater,thatwasinmaybe'82,meetingMarcyatyourhomeinMinneapoliswhenweweretogetherplanningaretreatforKelloggNationalFellows,inwhichnotonlythefellows,butthespousesweretobefullyinvolved.WewentaheadindidthatinTaos,NewMexico.It'samazingtolookbackformetosay,"Twenty-fiveyearsago,youandImeet.Twentyyearsago,ImeetMarcy.Fifteenyearsago,westartworkingtogethertocreateaprogramcalledtheCouragetoTeach.Tenyearsago,theCenterforCourageandRenewalisestablished.Youbecometheco-directors.Ibecomeyourclosepartnerinallofthat,youmine."Herewearetodaytotalkaboutastreamofworkthathasgrownfromatrickletoafloodaroundthecountry,servingsomanypeople,notleastus,wonderfullywell.Todaywe'reabletolookaroundthecountryandseeahundredfiftyfacilitatorsworkinginthirtystatesandfiftycities,hostingtheseCirclesofTrustforteachersandadministratorsandlawyersandphysicians.Doingremarkabletransformationalworkinthelivesofthesepeople,hundreds,maybethousandsofpeopleandtheinstitutionstheyserve.Iguesswhatstrikesmeatthismomentishowallofthatisrootedinafriendshipthatstartedalongtimeago.Thewayinwhichsomehowfriendshipandvocationseemtogotogetherinamysteriousandwonderfulway,thatwhenyoumeetsomeonethatyouidentifyasafriend,somehowpartofthatisrecognizingthatyoushareareasonforbeingonEarth.Youshareapurposeoramission.DoyouknowwhatI'msaying?RICK JACKSON: Ido,Parker.Iremembermeetingyoufirst,asmanypeoplemeetyoufirst,inapieceofyourwriting.Iwasincampusministry,andyouweredoingalotofworkwithcampusministriesthroughtheDanforthFoundationatthattime.You'dwrittenapiececalledCampusMinistry:APastoralandPoliticalVocation,holdingaparadoxassomuchofyourwritingdoes.Ifeltfound.IfeltdiscoveredatthatpointasIreadthat.Asitturns,withinayear,wewereabletomeet,andyouspoketoanationalgatheringoffolks.PARKER PALMER: Irememberwhenwemet,Ijustfelt,"Here'saguywhoseheartisintherightplace,whosemindisrighttherewithhisheart."That'showIfeltwhenImetMarcytoo,someonewhosegiftsjustcouldhelpcarrythisworkforwardandalsokindofhelpmeexpandmyownlife.Imean,Ithinkthat'showIfeltaboutbothofyou.Wonderful,sharedsenseoffriendshipandvocation.It'samazingtolookbackatthoseearly,almostunconsciousorigins.Tosaythenthatintheearly'90swiththehelpofourfriendsattheFetzerInstitute,westarted,Iatfirst,startedputtingtogethera

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programforteacherscalledTheCouragetoTeach,whichcreatedthesehospitalspaces,liketheoneswecreatedatTaosorthoseKelloggFellowsandspouses.Thenwhenitbecameclearthatthisprogramforteacherswassomethingtheywantedandneeded,andthattheFetzerInstitutewantedtohelpmultiplyaroundthecountry,andthequestionarose,"Whoshould,whoshouldhelpusinstitutionalizethisprogramandleadthatinstitutionalization?"Youweretheones.Youweretheones.RICK JACKSON: Inlightofwhatwewerejusttalkingabout,italsostrikesmeasveryinterestingthatnoneofushaveeversaid,"CanIhireyoutodothisorthat?"There'sbeenakindofdeeplistening,followedbyinvitationsthatjustkindofkeepgoing.Ithinkthat'scertainlynotlimitedtous.It'skindofflowedrightoutintothiswonderful,leadership-richnetworkofcolleagueswehavearoundthecountrythatIthinkismarkedmostlybythisqualityofinvitationalleadership.Giftsarerecognized.Giftsareinvitedforward.Somethingaboutthecontributingofthosegiftsenlivensthecollectivist,aswellasbringsalivenesstotheindividual.That'scertainlybeenthecaseforme,Ithinkforus,Parker,inworkingwithyou.PARKER PALMER: Itremindsme,Rick,oftheimmediateprehistoryoftheCenterforCourageandRenewal,whichatthetimewewerecallingtheCenterforTeacherFormation,becausewewereworkingwithteachersalmostexclusively,andonlylaterstartedgettingthesecallsfromphysiciansandlawyersandothers,whichledtothenamechange.IrememberveryclearlyhavingdonethatpilotgroupofKthroughtwelveteachersattheFetzerInstituteinwhat?'93,'94,Ithinkitwas…MARCY JACKSON: '94to'96.PARKER PALMER: '94to'96,that'sright.AndtheFetzerInstitutedeciding,"Thisisgoodstuff.Weneedtoseeifitcanbereplicatedaroundthecountry.DoesitworkwhenParkerisn'tthere?Doesitworkwhenwe'renotoperatingatourlovelyretreatcenter?"MARCY JACKSON: Irememberintheearlydayswhenwebeganmeeting.Thatwasactuallyafterjustthefirstsixofuswereidentified,Ithinktohelpyoufigureoutwhattheheckyouweredoing,andhowwecouldtakeittoworkwithothergroups.Wemetinyourfamilyroom.Wekindofjust,welearneditbydoingsomeofthesethingstogether,workingwithpoetry,doingwhatever.Wealsohadalotoflaughs.PARKER PALMER: WehadaseriesofgatheringsatFetzer,frompeoplewhosaid,"We'reinterestedinthis."Ofcourse,youtwowerepartofthat.Outofaseriesofmeetings,wedidthisdiscernmentthatyouwerejusttalkingabout,like,"Whoisreallycalledtothis,andwhofeelslikekindredspirit?"Youknow.Outofthatcameyoutwoandfourotherpeoplewhothen,eithersoloorinpairs,replicatedtheprograminfourlocationsaroundthecountry.Thatwastheperiodthatyouwerejusttalkingabout,Marcy.

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MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.PARKER PALMER: Whenwemetatourhouse,betweeneachofthoseretreats.Itwasthiseightretreatseries,meetingseasonallyoveratwo-yearperiod.Ijustrememberthosemeetingsassorichwhenwe'dbesittingdownandsaying,"Now,whatjusthappened?Whatwentwell?Whatdidn'tgosowell?Whatdoesitmeantofacilitateagroupwherethepurposeistomakesafespaceforthesoul,sopeoplecanheartheinnerteacherspeak,makeaclaimontheirlives?Then,what'sgoingtohappen,what'slikelytohappennextbasedonParker'sexperiencewiththepilotgroup?"Thoseweresuchrichcommunitybuildingdays.Tobesittingthatwayinasharedvocationwasreallyextraordinary.Sincethen,ofcourse,thingshavegottensomuchbigger.MARCY JACKSON: IwasthinkingabouthowitwasreallyoutofthoseexperiencesthatwhenwecametobegintheCenter,andthenconsiderhowwearegoingtodoaFacilitatorPreparationorinviteotherpeopleintoleadership,becausesurprise,surprise,thesetestsiteswereallsuccessfulaswell.PARKER PALMER: Very.MARCY JACKSON: Verywellreceived.Therewasmoreinterestandcallforthesekindsofprogram.Ijustrememberoutofthatexperienceofhowwesatwithyouandpickedyourbrainabout,notonlypickedyourbrain,reallyexperiencedsomeoftheworktogether,sharedourexperiences.Werealizedthiswasnevergoingtobeatrainthetrainermodel.Thatitreallywaspreparationratherthantraining,andthatitwasakindof...Ithinkofitnowasakindofembodiedleadershipdevelopmentprocessthatbeginswithpeoplehavingsomedeepexperienceoftheirownwiththisapproachbeforetheyimagineleadingitforothers.Ifeellikewehavestayedtruetosomeoftheoriginalwaysthatwekindofstumbledintohowtodothisinthebeginningthroughourconversationswithyou.PARKER PALMER: Yes.Yeah.MARCY JACKSON: Together.PARKER PALMER: Reallyemergingoutofcommunityandoutoftheidentityandintegrityofeachfacilitator.MARCY JACKSON: Right.

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PARKER PALMER: Findingaprocessthat,Ithinkthisisoneofthemanyareaswhereyoutwohavebeenbrilliantinyourleadership.Tofindaprocessthatcouldreplicatethisthingthatwentoninourlivingroom,butdoitonanationalscaleinmuchmoreorganizationalterms.Ireallyfeelthatyou'vebeenfaithfultothat.That'sthecontinuingtooperate,asyousay,notoutofatrainingmodelwhereyousay,"Okay,here'sthenotebook.We'renowgoingtogothroughandteachyouhowtoturnthecrankonthismethod,"butreallystartingeachtimewith,"Whoareyouinrelationtothisintentionality?Howcanyoulearntoholdaspacethat'ssafeforotherpeople'ssouls?Howcanyoudothatinawaythathonorsthecoreprinciplesthatwehavebeenabletoarticulate,thatwetakeveryseriouslyandholdverydearly,andyetembodythoseprinciplesorhonorthoseprinciplesinyourownuniqueway?"Tofindaprocessthatsupportsthathasbeenfabulous.Now,what?Almostahundredfiftyfacilitators.MARCY JACKSON: Youmentioneditbeinganationalprogram,whichistrue.Yet,we'vecontinuedtohavethesecohortsovertheselasttenyearsbequitesmallintermsofwhatwefeltwasappropriateforthekindofprocesswewantedtohavewiththesepeople,andthedepthwewanttogowiththem.AnotherthingIwasjustthinkingaboutthatyousaidwastherefromthebeginning,andwe'vecarriedthisonisaverycarefuldiscernmentprocessthatinvolvesneverjusttakingsomebodyonpaperbecausetheythinkthisiswhattheyarenexttobedoing.Insteadtokindof,insomewaystakeajourneywiththem,haveachanceforthemtomeetus,ustomeetthem,toreallylookattheircapacitytocreatethatkindofhospitableyetchargedspace.Where,youmentionedthewords,Ithink,compassion,competent,andI'dsaycompellingaswell,assomethingthatwe'recreatinghere.PARKER PALMER: Absolutely.MARCY JACKSON: It'sbeenincreasinglydifficultto,Ithinkengageinthatdiscernmentprocess,butIthinknolessimportantformaintainingtheintegrityandthequalityoftheleadershipofthiswork.PARKER PALMER: Difficult,why?Becauseofsize,scale?MARCY JACKSON: Yeah,becausethere'smoreinterestnow,whichis,youknow,that'sthegoodnews.I'dsaythere'smoreinterestofpeoplethatmayreadyourbooks,nothavehadanyexperienceofthis,butimaginethattheyjustwanttojumprightintobecomingafacilitator.Justalotofconversationsaboutwhywefeelthatitneedstobeapproachedfromabasisofsomeexperienceaheadoftime.Theotherthingthat'sdifficult,butisalsoagreatgiftforus,iswetendtodrawpeoplewhoarealreadyverycompetentandskilledintheirownfield.They'vebeendoingotherkindsoffacilitationorteachingorconsultingorwhateveritis,andareoftenskilled,whetherit'sphysicians,teachers,educationalleaders,clergy,allofthose.Wehavepeopleinallofthoseprofessionsinournetwork.

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Thisisaskingtheminasensetostepback,tobecomealearneragainofadifferentway.Awaythatismorespareandmuchlessabout...It'snotsageonthestage.It'smuchmoreguideontheside.It'smuchmoreaskingmetocreateaspaceofalmostspaciousnessinmyselfbeforeIcancreatethatforthegroup.It'ssubtle.PARKER PALMER: Yeah,yeah,yeah.MARCY JACKSON: Andexciting,Ithink.PARKER PALMER: Ithinkoneveryexcitingformeandverysubtle,andonethingthatwe'vealwayssaidthatIthink,Iunderstandthetruthofthismoreeveryday.Youhavetobedoingthisforyourselfinordertobedoingitforothers.Tocomeintothisprogramandseekpreparationasafacilitatormeansacommitmenttobeonyourownjourneytowardinnertruth,innerteacherrejoiningsoulandrole.MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.PARKER PALMER: Youtypicallypreparenomorethanwhat?Fifteenpeopleeveryyear.MARCY JACKSON: Yeah.Initiallyitwastwelve.Nowourcohort'saresay,I'dsaysixteentotwentypeopleayear.PARKER PALMER: Thatmany?MARCY JACKSON: Itinvolvesmentoring,amentoringprocess.Wehaveourexperiencedfacilitatorsservinginthatroleandcreatingareallynicesenseofpartnershipandthenbeinganencouragerandaconversationpartnerandsoforthwiththem.PARKER PALMER: Yeah.This,andIknowRickinyourworkinorganizationaldevelopmentonbehalfofthecenterandfinancialdevelopment,youoftencomeunderpressuretorampitup,whichisthemodelofsuccessinoursocietythatfliesrightinthefaceofthesethingsMarcyistalkingabout,right?RICK JACKSON: Yeswedo.AandB,everyadditionalpersonthatcomesintoournetworkofrelationshipsbringswiththemtheirownorganizationalexperienceordefaultmode.Sometimesthat'sveryhelpful.Asisusuallythecaseforeachofus,there'salsosomedisappointmentsorwoundsthere.Weholdalotofparadoxesinthiswork.Wedrawourleadformyourthinking,Parker,intherichnessofparadox.Oneofthefundamentalonesorganizationallyistoholdmovementsensibilities.Sensibilitiesthatbeginwithour

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ownsenseofintegrity,andthedifficultdecisionsthatmayneedtobemade,sothatI'monmyownpathofalivenessandservice.Movementsensibilitiesalongsideorganizationalsensibilities.OurquestionearlyonwheninvitedtoformtheCenterwas,"Howcanwecreatestructurestosupportamovement,andhowdoweholdthatparadoxtogetherrealizingthatweareaneducationalnonprofitnow?"Weareanorganization,andyetwearewantingtobeinserviceofintegrityofindividualsandakindofwholeheartednessonthepartoforganizationallife.PARKER PALMER: Yeah.OneofthephrasesI'vealwayslovedisthatemergedbetweenandbetwixtus.Ithinkallofthisworkemergesbetweenandbetwixtus.It'snotfull.Itdoesn'tcomefullblownfromtheheadofZeus.It'swhatMartinBubermeantwhenhesaid,"Allreallivingismeeting,andwhathappensbetweenthepartieswhomeet."I'velovedthisphrasethatemergedbetweenus,thatwhatwe'reattemptingtodo,whatwe'recommittedtodoingisbuildingachainofintegrity.RICK JACKSON: Right.PARKER PALMER: Everylinkinthatchain,whetherit'safinanciallinkorapersonallinkintermsoffacilitatorsoraninstitutionalpartnership,whateveritmaybe.Staffrelationshipshavethesameintegrityasthelinkbefore.MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.PARKER PALMER: Ifwecanstaywiththat,wewillhavewhatIthinkweknowhave,whichisanorganizationthatisbecomingmorevisible.Thebookshavesoldwonderfullywell.We'vetouchedthousandsandthousandsoflivesdirectly.We'vemadeacontributiontothenationaldiscourseindirectlyinaverylargeway.Constantly,constantlytestingthatinthesesmall-scaleCirclesofTrust,wherewelearnwhatweneedtolearnaboutourselvesandthepeoplewewishtoserve,wherewetestourownintegrity,wherewegeneratetheideasthatwethenwanttoarticulate.Atthesametimewithallthatkindofsuccess,resistingtheconventionalmodelofsuccess,whichisMcDonald'severywhere,franchises.RICK JACKSON: Turnitintoanotebook.PARKER PALMER: Anotebookandatrainingmodel.Ifeelonbehalfofus,Ifeelvery,veryproudaboutthat.You'retheoneswhohavereallyshepherdedthatprocessatalltheselevels.ThesearenotgiftsthatIhave.Idon'thavethepatiencetodothat.Ibarelyhavethepatiencetogetabookwritten.Idon'thavethepatiencetodoallthenegotiatingneededtorunacomplexorganization,especiallyinthiscountercultureorupstreamway.

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Thisnotionoffriendship,vocation,andsharedgifts,diversegiftsthatwehonorineachother,andthatgetsharedtocreateasumthat'sawholethat'slargerthanthesumofitsparts.Thisispowerful,notjustmetaphorforus,butformenow,it'slivedexperience.Ifindthatvery,youknow,very,veryexciting.ToactuallyhavelivedintothingsthatasayoungerpersonIthought,"Ibelievethat.Ithinkthat'strue.Ilikethatideaalot.NotsureI'veeverseenit."NowI'veseenit.Bynow,I'veseenit.MARCY JACKSON: It'sbeenatremendousgiftforus.NotjustingivingleadershiptotheCenterovertheselasttenyears,buttoworksocloselywithyouindoingthat,andbeginningsomeofourearlyworkoffacilitatorpreparationinyourhomeandgrowingthisamazingcommunityofcolleagues,nowaroundthecountrythatarecarryingthisworkforward.Itjustcontinuestobeagreatgift.RICK JACKSON: Thisconversationishelpingmethinkofthearcinmyownlifeofthiswork,fromwhenwefirstmet,Iwasfairlyyoungincampusministry,workingwithyoungadultsaround,asafriendofourscallsit,the“bigquestionsandworthydreams”thatsomebodyintheirearlytwentieshopefullyisnaturallyholding.Nowinthisworkwithpeopleinvariousprofessions,asyousay,educatorsandpeopleinavarietyofvery,veryimportant,andyetverychallengingservingprofessions,thisworkishelpingusallreengagethosebigquestionsandworthydreams.Yetatamaturepointinourlives,realizingthatwereallystillwanttobringourverybest,ourwholesthearts,asitwere,tothiswork.Thatisbothchallenging,andyetit'swhywe'rehere.PARKER PALMER: It'samazing.Whenweask,"Well,whatisitthatIhavetobringinmywork?"Ourmindssooftenturntotheskillswelearnedatschoolortheknowledgethatwe'vegatheredthere.Ofcoursethat'simportant.Thepeopleweworkwitharedoingworkwherethetechnicaldemandsareconsiderable.Yet,theultimategiftthatanyonehastobring,thedeepestandthemostimportantgiftisfullengagementoftheself,fullengagementoftheheartwiththemindandtheskilledhand.Whenthatheartisn'tthere,allthatskillandallthatknowledgenotonlykindofshowupinweakerandweakerform,butcanactuallykindofturntothedarkside.Imean,itcanbecomemanipulation.Itcanbecomepowerandcontrol.Itcanbecomethedoctorwhotreatsthepatientlikeamachinetobefixed,ratherthanahumanbeingtobeengagedinhisorherhealing.Aswetalkaboutthisstuff,wegetintoverycomplexstuffaboutmind,body,spirit,heartinteraction,andtheresearchthatshowsthatstudentslearnbetterwhenthey'reinthepresenceofawholeteacher,orsickpeoplegetwellfasterorlearntoholdtheirincurablediseaseinamorelife-givingwayinthepresenceofawhole-heartedphysician.Thesimplerealitybehindallofthatis,youhavetoestablishhospitalityandgenerositytoletthatintotheworld.MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.

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PARKER PALMER: Aslongasthesettingsinwhichweworkdon'thavethosequalities,that'snotgoingtocomeforth.Peoplearegoingtokeepthattuckedaway,becauseitmakesthemvulnerable.ThegreatgiftIthinkthatwe'vediscoveredisoutof...Imean,I'mthinkingofthefactthatinthetwenty-fiveyearsthatwe've,inonewayoranother,journeyedtogether,we'vehadourownstrugglesoftheheart.We'vehadourownpainsandsuffering.Whohasn'toverthatperiodoftime?Thisfriendshipthathashelpedeachofuscarrysomeofthatinourownlives,thathasgiventhehospitablespaceandthegenerosityofhearttoletapersondealwiththoseissuesinhisorherowntimeandownlevelandownway,thatpersonalgiftthatwegiveeachotherisallintheworldwewanttogivetoanybodyelse.MARCY JACKSON: Right.RICK JACKSON: That’sright.MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.OneofthethingsI'mthinkingaboutishowsoconsistentlyovertheseyears,you'vecontinuedtoaskyourselfaboutwhereisyourownvocationleadingyouorcallingyou.You'veconsistentlyaskedustoreflectonthataswell.Neverjustassumingthatwe'vecreatedthisthingtogether,andnowit'skindofoutonit'sown,andwejustserveit,butthatit'sadynamicrelationship,thatit'severevolving.Ourworkwithyouiseverunfolding.That'sbeenoneoftherealexcitingthingsaboutitaswe'vegottento,notjustpartnerwithyouonprograms,butthewritingthatyou'vebeendoing,andhowthatsocontributedthiswhole,thegrowthofthismovement.YourrelationshipeventotheCenterasanorganization.PARKER PALMER: Right,that'sbeenaveryimportant,asyouknow,pieceofthisforme.SincetheCentergotupandrunningasaformalorganizationinwhat?1997?MARCY JACKSON: '97.PARKER PALMER: '97,sotenyearsofthecenternowwiththisprehistoryasnecessaryfoundationtothatsortofdemonstrationplot,seedbed.Sincethecentergotupandrunning,I'vepublished,what?TheCouragetoTeach,LetyourLifeSpeak,AHiddenWholeness.Together,we'veworkedonTeachingwithFire:ThePoetrythatSustainstheCouragetoTeach,StoriesoftheCouragetoTeach.Thesebooks,ofcourse,withourgoodfriendsSamIntratorandMeganScribner,somanyamazingcollaborators,colleagues,andalsofriendswithasharedvocation,whoIwishwereintheroomwithus.MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.

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PARKER PALMER: Itwouldneedamuchbiggerroom.MARCY JACKSON: Don'tforgetLivingtheQuestions.PARKER PALMER: Living,well,LivingtheQuestions,right,right.MARCY JACKSON: Whichwasabookof,thatcollectionofamazingwritingaboutthewayyourworkhasimpactedsomany.PARKER PALMER: Ican'timagineanyofthesebookscomingouthadIjustbeenoutthereonmylonesome,tryingtowrite.Thesearesuchcommunal,collaborativeeffortsfromwhereIsit.Sodeeplyinfluencedbydialoguesthatwe'vehadandofcourse,mywifeSharonPalmerhasbeenverymuchpartofthehostingoftheprogramaswellofthewritingandthedevelopmentofthebooks.Iseeallofthisassoprofoundlycommunal.HereIamnow,nothoweveroldIwaswhenwemet.Youmentionedbeingyoungawhileago,andI'dforgottenaboutthatpartofmylife,eventhoughinsomewaysIstillfeelveryyoung.RICK JACKSON: Idon'tthinkyou'veforgotten.PARKER PALMER: I'msixty-eightyearsold,andI'vehadfortwenty-fiveyearsavocationthathastakenmealloverthecountry,onairplanes,differenthoteleverynight,audiencesrangingfromafewtoafewthousand,workshops,lectures.AkindofscattershotapproachthatIguessJohnnyAppleseedforaQuakermightbeabetterimage,youknow,ratherthantheshotgunmetaphor.Tryingtospreadseedsofpossibility.Ivalue.Ivaluethoseopportunities,andthemanygoodpeoplethey'vebeenable,that'senabledmetomeet,andthewayinwhichtheseedgotspread.Someofitdidgerminateandgrow.Inthelastfewyears,I'verealizedthatI'maveryluckypersoninthatthissharedworkthatwe'vebeendoingtogetherhasnow...Isnolongerabunchofseparatelittletrickles.It'saconsiderablestream.Alotofpeoplehavebeenableto,what?Launchtheirboatsonit.MARCY JACKSON: Right,right.PARKER PALMER: Drinkfromit,justaswehave.It'sworkweneedasmuchasanybodyelse.Iwantincreasinglyinthenext,howevermanyyearsI'mgiven,formypersonalworktobecomemorepubliclyidentifiedaswhatitalreadyis,whichisourcollectivework,sothatmyinstitutionalaffiliationnowbecomeswiththeCenterforCourageandRenewal.EverythingIdoispubliclyidentifiedinrelationtothatvehicle.Thesepartnerships,thesefriendships,thissharedvocationisforme,thepearlofgreatprice.That'spricelessbeyondmeasure.Iwanttonameitandclaimitassuch.

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RICK JACKSON: Thankyou,Parker.MARCY JACKSON: Yes,thankyou.

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Extra: The Clearness Committee in Greater Detail

PARKER PALMER: It'shardworktothinkaboutstandinginthetragicgap,notpassivelybutinawaythathelpssomethinghappentherethat'sforthecommongood.It'shardworktodrawdeepforthosesourcesofcourageinourownlifeandtoembracethefactthatwebothhavecourageandarecalledtocourage.Thequestionariseswheredoesonefindnourishmentandsustenanceforthathardwork?IwanttosuggestthattheClearnessCommittee,orthiswayofholdingeachotherontheshoulder,isoneanswertothat.It'snottheonlyanswer,butoneanswer,andananswerthatinmylifeandinthelivesofanumberofpeopleIknowhasbeenapowerfulone,apowerfulsourceofnurtureandsustenance.Letmeturntotheschedulenowandjustwalkthroughthisprocessbeforewestartdiggingintothedepthsofit.At9:45,thereabouts,we'regoingtositdowninsilenceinthesespacesinasmallface-to-facecircleandthesilencewillbebrokenbythefocuspersonwhenheorsheisreadytobegin.Rightawayourjobistoholdaquiet,centered,focusedspacewithoutchitchat.Forseveralhoursthismorningwearesuspendingthenormalrulesofsocialinteractionandwe'regoingtodosomethingverydifferentforreasonsI'lltrytoexplaininamoment.From9:45to10:00thefocuspersonwilldescribehisorherissuewhilecommitteememberslistenwithoutinterruption.Theymaystopbefore10:00.Theycertainlywon'tgoonmuchlongerthanthatandourjobduringthattimeistolisten.Theywillgiveusaclearsignalwhentheyarereadytostartreceivingquestions.From10:00to11:30theruleisquestionsonly.Committeemembersmaynotspeaktothefocuspersoninanywayexcepttoaskbrief,honest,openquestions.Thisiswherewe'regoingtodosomeworkthismorningaboutwhatisruledoutandwhatisruledinbecauseourbehaviorduringthistime,ourverbalbehaviorandournonverbalbehaviorisveryimportant.It'sthecoreandtheheartoftheprocess.Mirroringcanbeaveryvaluablemomentinthisprocess.You'vesatandlisteneddeeplytothispersonforanhourandthreequarter,hourandahalf,andyetit'salsothatslipperyslopewherewemightslidebacktowardstryingtoadvise,fix,save,setsomeonestraight.Ifyoucanrememberduringthistimethatyouservethispersonbestbybeingaliteralmirror,andIwillillustratewhatImean.Ifyousaytothefocusperson,"Whenyouwereaskedthisquestion,thisishowyouanswered."Amen.Isimplyinviteyoutolookatthatasthesubtext,theimplicitmessage.Youdon'tsaywhyyouthinkthat'simportant.Youobviouslythinkit'simportantbutyoudon'ttellthemwhy.Youdon'tdoanythingexceptholdupamirrorthatremindsthemofaquestionthatwasaskedandananswerthatwasgiven.Thereisasecondkindofmirroringwhereyousay,"Iinviteyoutolookatthreequestionsandthreeanswerssimultaneously."Youobviouslyhaveatheoryaboutwhythosehangtogetherinsomewaybutyouarenottosaywhatthattheoryis.Youaresimplytomirrorthatthesethreequestionswereaskedandthesethreeanswersweregiven.Youletthefocuspersonmakeofthatwhateverheorshewantstomakeofit.Constantlytheefforthereistowithdrawalourowndesiretoshapethisprocessortointerpretwhat'sgoingonortoimportourownwisdomandsimplytoletthepersongetaclearbeadontheinnerteacher,ontheirowninnerwisdom.Bodylanguagemirroringcanbeveryvaluable.It'seventrickier.It'shardertodo.Youhavetobeaphenomenologicaltodoit.Goodmirroringwouldsay,"WhenyouwereaskedaboutjobA,yourvoice

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grewsoftandyoureyesweredowncast.WhenyouwereaskedaboutjobB,yourheadwaserectandyourvoicewasloud."You'llnoticewhatIdidn'tdothere.Ididn'tsay,"WhenyouwereaskedaboutjobAyouseemedsubduedanddepressed.WhenyouwereaskedaboutjobByouseemedenthusiasticandexcited.Don'tyouthinkit'sjobB?Whydon'tyougosignuprightnow?"Thepointbeing,eventhoughIthinkIknow,Ihavenoideawhatthosedowncasteyesandthatsoftvoicereallymean.Quitethecontraryitmaynotbedepression.ItmaybethisisthemostseriouspossibilityI'velookedatforalongtimeandI'mconsideringitdeeply.Ican'tgetinsideanotherpersonandinterpretthem.Myjobhereistorememberthatandtonotinvadethisperson'ssoul,thisperson'sinnerspace.Ifthefocuspersoninvitesmirroring,thosearethedisciplinesweneedtopracticeanditcanbeenormouslyvaluableinthatlastfifteenminutestohelpapersonre-gatherthingsthathavecomefromwithinherselforhimselfandsimplyhaveachancetolookatthemagainbeforethegroupdisbands.Withfiveminutesleftsomeoneisgoingtosay,"Wenowinviteaffirmationsandcelebrations"andI'lltellyouwhatItoldthefocuspersonslastnight.Inthedozensanddozens,maybeoverahundredbynowClearnessCommitteesI'vedone,Ihaveneverknownthoseaffirmationsandcelebrationstobegratuitousorforced.They'vealwaysbeenauthenticanddeeplyfelt.It'ssimplyanenormousprivilegetobeinthepresenceofanotherperson'ssoulandtwohourslateryouwillfeelthatprivilegeandyouwillfeelthemysteryofthehumanselfandyouwillwanttocelebratethesharedjourneyandthispersonwhohasgivenyouthegiftofapeaceofhisorherlifeandbecausewevaluethatgiftandthisofferingthatthesethreepeoplearemakingtoussodeeply,wewillabidefaithfullybytheruleofdoubleconfidentiality,whichmeansA)nothingsaidbythefocuspersoninthisgrouporanyofthequestionsaskedwilleverberepeatedtoanothersoulevenifthatpersonwasinthegroup.Groupmemberswillnottalkaboutthiswhenit'sover.Ourjobwhenit'soveristocontinuetoholdthefocuspersoninourthoughtsandthelightinwhateverwayyouholdpeople.Secondly,thesecondpartofdoubleconfidentialityisthatnoneofusisatlibertyaftertheClearnessCommitteetocomeuptothepersonadaylater,aweeklater,amonthlaterandsay,"Yourememberwhenyousaidthis?Ihadathoughtaboutthat."Weholdthissacredspaceforever,henceforthandevermore.Wedonotlaterinvadethefocuspersonwithourfixes,counsels,andadvices.FocuspeoplehavesaidtimeandagainthatsecondpartoftheconfidentialityruleliberatedmetodowhatIneededtobedoinghere,whichistohavethedeepestpossibleconversationwithmyselfknowingthatitwillstopthereandifoneofthemwantstocometousandsay,"Wouldyousitandtalkwithme?"They'reatlibertytodothat.We'renotatlibertytoapproachthem.Yourjobasmembersofthecommitteethismorningistocreateaspacethatistobeoccupiedbythefocuspersonandthefocuspersonalonefortwohours.Ifyoucanremembertokeepyourselfoutofthatspace,bothinaverbalwayandinanenergeticway,rightnowI'mleaningintothisspace,right?MyenergeticsaretakingmetothemiddleofthisbecauseI'vegotamessageI'mtryingtoconvey.IfI'mamemberofacommitteethismorning,Ineedtoleanback,breathedeep,notleanin,andsimplyholdthespaceforthispersontooccupyherselforhimselfwithoutmebeinginthere.Thishasallkindofpracticalimplications.IfthefocuspersonstartstocryI'mlikelytodothatthismorningbecauseI'mgoingtobedealingwithsomestuffthattouchesmyemotionallifeprettydeeply.Membersofmycommitteearenotlibertytocomfortme.They'renotatlibertytomoveintothatspacewithaKleenexorahandonthearmthatsaysallwillbewellbecauseassoonastheydothattheyhaveoccupiedmyspaceandtheyhavechangedthisfrommydialoguewithmyinnerteacher,toasocial

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relationshipwiththeminwhichInowhavetoworryaboutwhatthey'rethinkingaboutmyconditionandmakingthemfeellikethey'regoodcaregivers.Thisisexactlywhatneedsnottohappen.Thisisnotyourfather'sOldsmobile.IneedaspaceinwhichIcansitthereandaskmyselfwhatarethosetearsreallyaboutandmaybesomecaringpersoninthecirclewillaskthatasanhonest,openquestion."Wheredoyouthinkthosetearsarecomingfrom?"That'safairquestion,butcomfortingmeortryingtohelpmegetridofthosetearsorbeingembarrassedonmybehalfaboutthetearsisnotservingmewellinthissituation.Alwayskeepingyourselfoutofthespace,leaningback,andyetbeingfullyattentivejustintensewithyourintentionalitybeingtosupportmeandmyinnerdialogue.Imaygetoffagoodjoke.You'recertainlyfreetosmilegently.Youarenotfreetojoinmeinruckuslaughter.It'sbeenpointedouttomemorethanoncethatI'malwaysthefirstpersontolaughatmyjokesandsometimestheonlyperson.Inthissetting,youdon'tjoinmeinlaughterbecauseIneedachancetoaskmyselfamIusingmysenseofhumortoblowoffanissuethat'sreallykindofpainfultome?Idothatsometimes.Thistwo-hourperiodisanopportunitytoreflectonthatbutthatopportunityistakenfrommeifyoujoinmeinlaughterandturnthisintoasocialoccasion.You'reholdingthespacewithasimpleintentionality,asimplefocus,asimpleattentiveness,arememberingthatit'smyinnerteacherthatcounts.Youaren'tgoinglikethis,whichisinattentiveanddisrespectfulnorareyouleaningin.Youareneitherinvadingnorevading.YouaresimplyholdingmepresentandintentionalitythatImighthaveadialoguewithmyinnerteacher.Now,there'soneotherthinginthisregardbeforeIgettothequestionsthatItalkedtothefocuspeopleaboutlastnight.Youhavebeendoingsomethinginthefifteenminuteswe'vebeentogethersofarthat'shelpfultomeunderthesecircumstances.You'vebeennoddingwhenyougetit.You'vebeenlookingpuzzledwhenyoudon'tgetit.You'vebeengivingmecluesaboutwhatIhavetosaymoreaboutorwhatI'vesaidenoughabout.Underthesecircumstancesthat'shelpfulbutinaClearnessCommitteethesenonverbalsignalsthatwegiveeachotherareradicallyunhelpfulbecausetheyturnitbackintoaconventionalsocialsituationwheremyjob,andI'mgoingtobeafocuspersonthismorning,subtlybecomespersuadingyouthatI'montherighttracksothatIgetyougoinglikethisratherthanlikethis,right?That'shardstufftobreak.It'sveryhardforyou,asmembersofthecommittee,whenyouhearmyproblemandI'mstrugglingwithsomethingnottolooksympatheticandtonodandtosmileandtoencouragemebutindoingso,youmaybeleadingmedowntheworstgoattrailofmylifeanddeprivingmeofachancetofindmyownpath.Howdoyoudealwiththat?Simple.I'vesaidtothefocuspeopleyouareatlibertytocloseyoureyesforthefulltwohourstohearthosequestionswithyoureyesclosed,torespondtothemwithyoureyesclosed.Ifthat'snotcomfortableyoucanlookatthecenterofthecirclewhileyouhearthequestionsandanswerthequestionsoryoucanlookattheceilingoroutthewindow.Membersofthecommitteearetoholdthispersoninsteadyattention,butthefocuspersonistodisengagefromusasmuchaspossiblesothatyouarereally,thefocuspersonisreally,havingaconversationwithherselforhimself.Thisisverycounter-cultural.Thisiswhatyoucallrudeundernormalcircumstancesbutinthesecircumstancesit'stheonlythingthatworksandIwilltellyouexactly.ItcametomeinaClearnessCommitteeseveralyearsago.Thepowerofthis,formeasafocusperson,thepoweristhatatsomepointinthisprocessthismorningIwillbeaskedaquestionthatwilltakemetoaplaceoftruththatIdon'twanttotalkabout.IfmyeyesareclosedandIhavegottenthemessageinwardlythatthisisnotaboutpersuadinganybodyofanything,ofseekingapprovalorbeingworriedaboutdisapproval,Iwillbe

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sittingtherethinkingtheonlypersonIhavetofoolhereismyselfandwhywouldIwanttodothat?Iwillthereforebeencouragedtoanswerhonestly.Questionsonly.Honest,openquestions.I'veneverfoundanironcladwaytogeneralizeaboutwhatanhonest,openquestionis.Here'stheclosestIcancome.Anhonest,openquestionisoneyouaskwithoutpossiblybeingabletositthereandthinkIknowtherightanswerorthebestanswertothisquestionandIsurehopeyougiveittome.Ifthere'sanyenergylikethatinyou,sitonthequestion.Don'taskit.Anhonest,openquestionisoneyouaskwithoutpossiblybeingabletoimaginewhattherightansweris.Letmegiveyouacoupleofexamples.IfIask,ifI'mamemberofthecommitteeandIaskthefocusperson,"Thesituationyoujutdescribed.Howdidyoufeelaboutthat?"That'sagoodhonest,openquestion.ItallowsthatpersontonamesomeemotionsbutifIlistentothatlistofemotionsandInoticethatangerismissingandI'msayingtomyself,"Boy,ifI'dbeeninthatsituationIwouldhavefeltangry"andthenIaskthequestion,"Whataboutanger?"That'snotagoodhonest,openquestion.Nowthat'salevelofsubtlythat'shardtoattendtobutwhatI'vedoneineffect,givenwherethatquestioncamefrom,isImightaswellhavesaid,"YouknowifI'dbeenthereIwouldhadfeltangry.Whydidn'tyou?"That'sinvasiveandyoudon'twanttodothat.Youmustnotdothat.Isaidtothefocuspeoplelastnight,"Everybodyinthiscircleisgoingtobetryingveryhardtokeeptherulesandsometimeswe'regoingtoscrewupandwecanforgiveeachotherforthat."Ialsosaidtothem,"Ifanythinghappensinthiscirclethatdoesnotserveyoursoulyou,thefocusperson,areatlibertytosaythatdoesn'tfeellikeanhonest,openquestiontomeorthingsaremovingtoofasthereorI'mbeingpressedinanareathatIdon'twanttoexplore."Ifthefocuspersonsaysthat,thepersontowhomtheysayitisnotatlibertytodefendherselforhimselfortoexplainherselforhimselfbecauseagain,that'stoinvadethespacewithyouragenda."Oh,IsaidthatbecauseyousaidthisandIthoughtthatandthereforeorpleaseforgiveme."Nothing.Youronlyoptionistolistentothat,tositback,andtrytoreentertheprocesslaterinamorehelpfulway.That'stheonlyoptionyouhave.Thepacingofthequestionsisimportant.It'snotagrillingoracross-examination.Lettherebespacesbetweenquestionsandresponses.Thefocuspersonmayaskustoslowitdownifit'smovingtooquicklyforhimorher.Ifyoufindyourselfaskingaquestionyoumaywellfeelaneedforafollowupquestionandthat'sfine,butifyoufindyourselfabouttoaskthethirdquestioninarowbeforesomeoneelsehasaskedaquestion,you'reprobablygettingintotrouble.Takethatasaboundarymarkerandpullback.Openupthatspace.Justafinalimageortwo,there'ssomanyimagesthathavehelpedmetrytoserveotherpeoplewellinthisprocess.Oneofthem,frankly,istheimageofsittingatthebedsideofadyingperson.Iknowthatsoundsalittleoddbutthere'sapowerfulparallelhere.I'vedonethatatimeortwoandI'velearnedtwothingsthatIhopetoremember.OneisthatinthismomentIrealize,maybeforthefirsttimeinawhile,thatIdon'thaveafixforthisproblem.Myjobisnottofixthispersonupbutistobarewitness,tobefullypresent,toofferloveandcompassioninaquiet,holdingway.I'mnottoinvadebecauseIcan'tdoanythinginthere.IcanjustholdtheminmypresenceandatthesametimeIlearnnottoevade,thatthemostdisrespectfulthingwouldbetorunfromtheroombecausewhatI'mlookingatistooproblematicortoostrugglingortoodifficulttowanttobear.I'mgoingtokeepmyeyesonthem.I'mgoingtoholdtheminmyattentionbecauseitwouldbedisrespectfulnotto.Maybeforsomeofus,

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rememberingthatthisislikesittingatthebedsideofadyingperson,whereyouneitherinvadenorevadecouldbeahelpfulimage.TheimageIalwaysliketoclosewithisthisverysimpleone,thatforthenexttwohourswe'regoingtobedoingsomethingthatisverymuchlikeholdingasmallbirdinouropenhands,ouropenminds,ouropenhearts,andduringthosetwohourswe'regoingtofaceatleastthreetemptations.Oneisthatinthefirstfifteenortwentyorthirtyminutes,thehandsstarttoclosearoundthatbirdandwewanttopluckthefeathersandsortofdothisdissectingthingwedowithourminds,analyzethispersontopieces,trytofigureoutwhattheheckisgoingonhereandwhydon'ttheyseewhatIsee.That'sthewaythemindworksandwearetoresistthattemptation.Ourtaskissimplytokeepourhandsopenandholdthebird.We'renotgoingtododissectingwithourmindsthismorningandifwedon'tdoitwithourmindswewon'tdoitwithourmouths.Thesecondtemptationthatcomesafteranhourortwo,andwe'repastthatdissectingthing,we'renotsortofintothemysteryofanotherlifethatisbeingsharedatadeeplevelandwe'vecomeintothatmorerespectfulreceptivemode,isthatthehandsaregoingtogetwearyandwe'regoingtowanttolaythisdownforawhile.Thatmeanstheattentionwanders.TheintentionalitydisappearsandIjustwanttosaytousabirdisaverylightthingtohold.Asoulisevenlighter.Wecandothisfortwohours.Wehaveenoughupperbodystrengthtodothatfortwohours.Allwehavetodoispayattentiontoit.Thethirdandfinaltemptationcomesmaybetowardtheend,whichissortoflikethis.Please,fly.Showusthatyou'vesolvedyourproblem.Weputallthistimeandenergyintoyou.Weneedtorememberthatthisbirdwillflyonitsownscheduleandthatthefruitofourworkthismorning,theproofthatwehavedonethiswell,isnotthatthebirdfliesbutthatwecansaywefaithfullyheldfortwohoursandwhenthetwohoursareoverthosehandscanwithdrawalintotheheartandwecanholdthatpersonforalong,longtimetocome.That'sallwe'reaskedtodo.Tobefaithfultotheholding,theholdingofthespace,wherethispersoncanhaveaconversationaboutsomethingimportantwithhimorherself.