Choices in Relationships

Chapter Eleven: Parenting

Roles Involved in Parenting

• Caregiver

• Emotional Resource

• Economic Resource

• Teacher

Roles Involved in Parenting

• Protector

• Ritual Bearer

Roles Involved in Parenting

Choices Perspective of Parenting

• Nature of Parenting Choices

– The absence of a parental decision is a decision.

– Parental choices involve trade-offs.

– View bad choices positively.

Choices Perspective of Parenting

• Five Basic Parenting Choices

– The five basic choices parents make include:

• Deciding whether to have a child

• Deciding the number of children

• Deciding the interval between children

• Deciding one’s method of discipline and guidance

• Deciding the degree to which one will be invested in the role of parent

Transition to Parenthood

• Transition to Motherhood– Although childbirth is sometimes thought of

as a painful ordeal, some women describe the experience as fantastic, joyful, and unsurpassed.

– Emotional bonding may be temporarily impeded by a mild depression, characterized by irritability, crying, loss of appetite, and difficulty in sleeping.

Transition to Parenthood

• Transition to Fatherhood– Children from intact homes or those in which

fathers maintained an active involvement in their lives after divorce tend to:

• Make good grades • Be less involved in crime• Have good health/self-concept • Have a strong work ethic• Have durable marriages • Have a strong moral conscience• Have higher life satisfaction

Transition to Parenthood

• Transition to Fatherhood– Children from intact homes or those in which

fathers maintained an active involvement in their lives after divorce tend to:

• Have higher incomes as adults• Have higher education levels • Form close friendships• Have stable jobs • Have fewer premarital births• Have lower child sex abuse • Exhibit fewer anorectic symptoms

Transition to Parenthood

• Transition from a Couple to a Family

– Researchers disagree over whether children have a negative or positive impact on a couple’s marital relationship.

– Regardless of how children affect the feelings spouses have about their marriage, spouses report more commitment to their relationship once they have children.

Transition to Parenthood

Parenthood: Some Facts

• Each Child Is Unique– Parents soon become aware of the uniqueness

of each child—of her or his difference from every other child they know.

• Parents Are Only One Influence in a Child’s Development

• Siblings• Teachers• Media• Internet

Parenthood: Some Facts

• Parenting Styles Differ

– Permissive parents are high on responsiveness and low on demandingness.

– Authoritarian parents are high on demandingness and low in responsiveness.

– Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive.

– Uninvolved parents are low in responsiveness and demandingness.

Principles of Effective Parenting

• Give Time, Love, Praise, and Encouragement

– Since children depend first on their parents for the development of their sense of emotional security, it is critical that parents provide a warm emotional context in which the children can develop.

Principles of Effective Parenting

• Monitor Child’s Activities

– Abundant research suggests that parents who monitor their children—know where their children are, who they are with, etc.—are less likely to report that their adolescents are involved in delinquent behavior and drinking alcohol, poor academic performance, and sexual activity.

Principles of Effective Parenting

• Set Limits and Discipline Children for Inappropriate Behavior

– The goal of guidance is self-control.

– Guidance may involve reinforcing desired behavior or providing limits to children’s behavior.

Principles of Effective Parenting

• Provide Security– Security provides children with the needed

self-assurance to venture beyond the family.

• Encourage Responsibility– Giving children increased responsibility

encourages the autonomy and independence they need to be assertive and independent.

Principles of Effective Parenting

• Provide Sex Education– Although they are reluctant to discuss safe

sex, their doing so often has positive consequences.

• Express Confidence– If the parents show the child that they have

confidence in him or her, the child begins to accept these social definitions as real and becomes more self-confident.

Principles of Effective Parenting

• Respond to Teen Years Creatively

– Catch them doing what you like rather than criticizing them for what you don’t like.

– Be direct when necessary.

– Provide information rather than answers.

– Be tolerant of high activity levels.

– Engage in some activity with your teenagers.

Gay Parenting Issues

• Several issues unique to gay parents:

– Identity issues

– Concerns about parenting effectiveness

– New intimate relationships

– Boundary issues

Approaches to Childrearing

• Developmental-Maturational Approach– “Ages-and-stages” approach to childrearing

• Behavioral Approach– Behavior is learned through classical and

operant conditioning.

Approaches to Childrearing

• Parent Effectiveness Training Approach– Parent effectiveness training focuses on what

children feel and experience in the here and now—how they see the world.

• Socioteleological Approach– Because children feel powerless in the face of

adult superiority, they try to compensate by gaining attention, exerting power, seeking revenge, and acting inadequate.

Approaches to Childrearing

• Attachment Parenting

– Overall, the ultimate goal is for parents to get connected with their baby.

– Once parents are connected, it is easy for parents to figure out what works for them and to develop a parenting style that fits them and their baby.

Approaches to Childrearing