Chapter 7:The Path to Commitment:Attraction, Dating, Partnering, and Cohabitation

Interpersonal Attraction• The Evolutionary Theory• Sexual selection–Members of one sex compete among

themselves for opportunities to mate• One person chooses to mate with a

specific person• Some are more preferable than others

Interpersonal Attraction• The Right Stuff: What Men Want• Men are concerned with quantity according

to evolutionists• Men select women who possess fertility cues–Physical attractiveness–Certain physiological features important

• Reproductive Promise: Youth– Youth equals attractiveness and

beauty–Nip and tuck• Surgical and non-surgical

procedures on women and men increased dramatically

Interpersonal Attraction

Interpersonal Attraction• Reproductive Promise: The Language of

Curves–Puberty signals changes in body shape for

males and females–Waist-to-hip ratio contributes to

attractiveness–Means woman is capable of reproducing

Interpersonal Attraction• The Right Stuff: What Women Want• Sexual selection – women more selective

than men• Concerned with the quality of children• Look for positive genetic traits and

characteristics

Interpersonal Attraction• Provider/Protector Cues• Women want man who:–Can provide and protect– Is willing to provide and protect–Attraction based on protector/provider

cues

Interpersonal Attraction• Women seek men who are culturally

successful• Display dominant behaviors• Ambition- determination and motivation• Industry- hard work, diligence, productivity• Good financial prospects- ability for

economic gain

Social Exchange Theory• Key Concepts –All behavior is a series of varying exchanges–All individuals seek to maximize their

rewards and minimize their costs–When rewards are received, the benefactor

feels obligated to reciprocate–Rewards minus costs equal the outcome of

the interpersonal exchange

Figure 7.1: The Filter Theory of Mate Selection

Filter Theory of Mate Selection• Individuals use a filtering mechanism to sort out a

potential mate from the pool of candidates• Filters– Propinquity: geographic closeness– Homogamy: someone who is similar to you• Exogamy – outside a particular group• Endogamy – inside a certain group• Heterogamy – partners of different races

Filter Theory of Mate Selection• Physical attractiveness filter – individuals are

attracted to those who are at least as attractive as they are

• Balance sheet filter – refers to reciprocity– look for someone who can offer us

something others cannot

Dating• Purposes of dating– Socialization: dating provides time for

interaction–Recreation: provides time to enjoy each

other’s company and have fun–Mate selection: provides opportunity to

compare and contrast personality traits of different people

Table 7.1: Scripted Events for a Typical Date

Table 7.2: Scripts for Hypothetical and Actual First Dates for Gay Men and Lesbians

Dating in the 21st Century• Speed dating - Allows people to meet each

other face to face and if they are interested, then they can arrange for a more extended date

• Internet Dating – internet chat rooms are replacing bars as a meeting place for available singles

Figure 7.3: Sexual Acts in College Hookups

Dating in the 21st Century

• “Hookin’ up” – physical interactions without absence or commitment or affection, gaining popularity on college campuses

• “Friends with benefits” or “booty call” – people who have regular sex but do not relate as a couple

Figure 7.2: Dating–Related Activities Online

Figure 7.3: Sexual Acts in College Hookups

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model• Initiation – couples present their public

selves, observe the traits of the other person• Experimenting/exploration – information

gathering stage• Intensification – formal interactions give way

to less formal, more spontaneous conversation

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model• Integrating – become a couple and are

identified as a couple• Bonding/intimacy – couple reaches a shared

level of interdependence

Duck’s Relationship Filtering Model• Sociological or incidental cue – a person’s

location or position• Pre-interaction cue – at a glance information

helps to decide if they would want to date a person

• Interaction cues – make assessments about whether they want to get to know someone better

Duck’s Relationship Filtering Model• Cognitive cues – when we decide to spend

more time with someone, these cues tell us more about a person than just superficial information

Commitment• Commitment is the result of 3 factors:– Growing satisfaction with each other’s ability

to meet and gratify important needs– Decreasing reliance on friends and family to

meet needs that the couple provides for each other

– Increasing investments in the relationship such as time, material resources and emotional/personal investment

CommitmentA long term orientation• 3 types of commitment:–Personal commitment: feeling, thoughts,

beliefs about a life mate–Moral commitment: a person’s value and

belief system– Structural commitment: commitments

bound by institutions such as marriage

Table 7.3: Distress/Protest Reactions to Breaking Up

Cohabitation• The living arrangements of unmarried,

intimate partners• Rates of cohabitation vary by– Regions– Religion– Age– Race– Social class– Educational attainment

Figure 7.4: Percentages of Persons of the Opposite Sex sharing Living Quarters across regions of the United States

Figure 7.5: Living Together without Getting Married

Figure 7.6: Rates of Cohabitation by Race

Figure 7.7: Percentage of Parents Who were Married or Cohabitating at the Birth of Their First Child, by Race/Ethnicity and Sex

Does Cohabitation Work?• Relationship dissatisfaction and marital

failure – cohabitation before marriage correlated with high relationship dissatisfaction and higher risk of divorce

• Relationship Violence – cohabitation before marriage has an increased risk of violence against women and children