Chapter 12

Relationships and Communication: Getting from Here to There

Social Exchange Theorists

• View stages of development as reflecting the unfolding of social exchanges.

• Involves rewards and costs of maintaining verses dissolving a relationship

Levinger’s ABC(DE) model

• A = attraction

• B = building

• C = continuation

• D = deterioration

• E = ending

• During each stage + builds, - deteriorates

A (attraction)

• Positive Factors: repeated meetings, positive emotions, personality qualities

• Negative Factors: physical distance, negative emotions, low need for affiliation

• Important things: first impressions, good moods• National Survey of where met spouse:

• 35% thru mutual friends• 32% introduced self

B (building)

• Positive Factors: matching physical attractiveness, attitudinal similarities, mutual positive evaluation

• Negative Factors: major differences in physical appearance, attitudinal dissimilarities, mutual negative evaluation

• How do you approach someone/get someone’s attention that you are attracted to?

• What’s the first thing you want to know about someone you’ve just met?

C (continuation)

Positive Factors: looking at ways to enhance, showing evidence of continuing positive evaluation, absence of jealousy, perceived equality, mutual overall satisfaction.

Aspects of: Trust, caring, mutuality, commitment, jealousy, equality

Jealousy: WHAT IS IT OFTEN CAUSED BY?Gender differences

Males = sexual infidelityFemales = emotional infidelity

D (deterioration)

• Positive Factors (prevent deterioration)– investment of time and effort, working at improving, being patient.

• Negative Factors (advance deterioration) – lack of investment of time and effort, deciding to end relationship, simply allowing to continue

• Active and Passive Responding

E (ending)

• When negative factors are greater than positive factors.

• When little satisfaction is found.

• Often problems with jealousy or commitment are most common reasons for ending.

Marriage

• The most common lifestyle, and people see marriage as a permanent arrangement.

• Most marriages: • based on homogamy (like marrying like)• 9 in 10 are of same religion• Husbands are 2 to 3 years older than wife• Remarriage or later life first marriage is less

likely to be close in age

Marital Satisfaction

• What is important for a marriage to be satisfying and positive?

• Communication

• Focus time

• Sharing values

• Physical intimacy

• Emotional Closeness

Extramarital Affairs

• Reasons• Sake of vanity• Break from routine• Ways of expressing hostility• Retaliation

• About 9 out of 10 Americans say that affairs are “always wrong” or “almost always wrong”

Domestic Violence• 1 in 8 women are subject to violence at the hands

of their partner each year• More likely to occur from current or past partner• Usually follows triggering event.• Phases of domestic violence:

• Lenore Walker presented the model of a "Cycle of Violence" which consists of three basic phases: Honeymoon Phase:Characterized by affection, apology, apparent end of violence. ;Tension Building Phase:Characterized by poor communication, tension, fear of causing outbursts, ;Acting-out Phase:Characterized by outbursts of violent, abusive incidents.

Divorce

• 1920 : 1 in 7

• 1960 : 1 in 4

• Today : 1 in 2

• What are some reasons for increase in divorce?

The Singles Scene

• There has been a significant increase in the number of singles.

• What are some factors for this increase?

• Negative aspects of being single• Family sees as something wrong

• Viewed as sexually loose

• Others?

Cohabitation

• An intimate relationship in which individuals live as though they are married, but without legal sanction.

• Quadrupled in past 25 years• 1980 – 1.6 million• Today – 5 million

• Over ½ of marriage over past 10 years precede living together

• Reasons?

• Styles of Cohabitation• Part Time/ Limited

• Premarital

• Substitute marriage