Bullying Prevention Workshop for

Parents Debbie Kim

WVUSD Counselor

Sites: Castle Rock, Collegewood, Evergreen

Taken from: Dr. Amanda Nickerson, Ph. DDirector of the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention

Key Points of Presentation• What is Bullying?

• Recognize the Warning Signs

• “Bullyproofing” My Child

• My Child is Being Bullied

• My Child Might Be Bullying Others

• How Do I Get Help?

What is Bullying?

What is Bullying?

Intentional, usually repeated acts of verbal, physical, or written aggression by a peer (or group of peers) operating from a position of strength or power with the goal of hurting the victim physically or damaging status and/or social reputation

Olweus (1978); United States Department of Education (1998)

What are the Different Types of Bullying?

• Physical bullyingo punching, shoving, acts that hurt people

• Verbal bullyingo name calling, making offensive remarks

• Indirect bullyingo spreading rumors, excluding, ganging up

• Cyber bullyingo sending insulting messages, pictures or threats

by e-mail, text messaging, chat rooms

Hinduja & Patchin (2009)

How is Bullying Different from Teasing and Conflict?

Teasing: Fun, good-natured, “give-and-take” between friends to get both parties to laugh

Bullying: Based on a power imbalance; intent to cause psychological or physical harm; usually repeated

Conflict: A struggle, dispute, or misunderstanding between two equal forces

When and Where Does Bullying Occur?

• Pre-K through late high school (and beyond); peaks in grades 4-7

• Can happen anywhere, but it is most likely to occur in less closely supervised areas (bus, locker room, hallways, playground, online)

Is Bullying Different in Boys and Girls?

• Boyso More direct, physical bullyingo Bully more frequently than girlso Bully both boys and girls

• Girlso More indirect (harder to detect)o Often occurs in groups and with girls of same ageo Cyberbullying slightly more common than for

males

Banks (2000); Cook, Williams, Guerra, Kim, & Sadek, (2010); Crick & Grotpeter, (1995); Hinduja & Patchi (2009); Hoover & Oliver, (1996); Nansel et al., (2001); Olweus, (2002); Underwood, (2003)

What do we Know about Students who Bully?

• Desire for power and control

• Get satisfaction from others’ suffering

• Justify their behavior (“he deserved it”)

• More exposed to physical punishment

• More likely to be depressed

• May have other problem behaviors (alcohol and drug use, fighting)

Batsche & Knoff (1994); Beaver, Perron, & Howard, (2010); Olweus (1993); Swearer et al. (in press); Vaughn, Bender, DeLisi, (in press)

Recognize the Warning Signs

What are Signs that Child May be Bullying Others?

• Refer to others negatively (wimp, loser)• Lack empathy• Strong need to get his or her own way• Hostile/defiant attitude• Anger easily• Deny involvement or blame others when behavior

is addressed

What are Characteristics of Children who are Bullied?

• Have a position of relative weaknesso Age, ethnic background, financial status, disability, sexual orientation

• Most are passive and lack assertivenesso Do nothing to invite aggressiono Do not fight back when attachedo May relate better to adults than peers

• Some provoke otherso Offend, irritate, tease otherso Reactive; fight back when attacked

Boivin, Poulin, & Vitaro (1994); Hodges & Perry (1999); Olweus (1978, 1993, 2001); Schwartz (2000); Snyder et al. (2003)

What are Kids Bullied About?

• Appearance/body size

• Perceived sexual orientation

• How masculine or feminine they appear to be

• Ability at school (“invisible” disabilities)

• Race/ethnicity

• Money

• Religion

“If they look different, love different, or walk different”- Kevin Jennings

What are Signs that Child May be Bullied

• Unexplained illnesses, cuts/bruises

• Not wanting to go to school or be in social situations

• Any change in behavioro Not interested in doing things that he/she used to like doingo Withdrawn

What are Consequences for Youth who Bully?

• More likely to experience legal or criminal troubles as adults

• Poor ability to develop and maintain positive relationships in later life

Andershed, Kerr, & Stattin (2001); Farrington (2009);Farrington, & Ttofi (2009, 2011); Oliver, Hoover, & Hazler

(1994); Olweus (1993); Ttofi & Farrington (2008)

What are Consequences for Targets of Bullying?

• Emotional distress• Loneliness, peer rejection• Desire to avoid school• Increased anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation;

low self-esteem • In some cases, may respond with extreme violence

Boivin, Hymel, & Bukowski (1995); Boulton & Underwood (1992);Crick & Bigbee (1998); Egan & Perry (1998); Hinduja, & Patchin, (2009);Kochenderfer & Ladd (1996);Nickerson & Sltater (2009);Olweus (1993); Perry et al. (1988)

“Bullyproofing” My Child

Be a Positive Role Model

• Talk with and listen to your child (about school, peers, interests

• Listen to and validate concerns about friends and other students

• Treat others with dignity and respect

• Avoid using derogatory terms toward or about others in person and/or electronically

(View Think Before You Speak video)

Hymel, Nickerson, & Swearer Education.com

Get and Stay Involved

• Get involved in school, in community, and at homeo Do so in a developmentally appropriate way (mindful of child’s and

school’s preference)

• Visit school’s website and read newsletters

• Know the school’s policies in terms of bullying prevention and intervention

• Join the your school’s Community Club and volunteer

• Attend extracurricular and sporting eventso Support child’s talents and competenceo Get to know coaches, counselors, and leaders

Teach Children Good Habits Early and Consistently

• Have high expectations for behavior and a low tolerance for being mean

• Be specific about how specific words and behaviors can hurt others

• Teach better ways to respond (All feelings are OK – but not all behaviors are OK)

• Emphasize the importance of being a friend

Talk Openly about Bullying, Friendship, and Relationships

Visit gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenterfor other resources and conversation starters

Teach Children to be Upstanders, not Bystanders• Don’t join in… speak up if it is safe to do so

• Band together as a group against bullies

• Tell an adult about the bullyingo Tattling/ratting = telling an adult to get someone in troubleo Telling/reporting = telling an adult because someone’s behavior is

unsafe or hurtful to another

• Reach out to isolated peers, offer support

Cyberbullying Prevention

• Teach responsible use of technologyo Only communicate things that you would be OK

about your parents seeingo Follow rules (no Facebook under age of 13)o Beware of anonymous sites like Formspringo Use the “off” switch

• Do not respond to upsetting communications

• Supervise and limit activities (no 24/7)o Have computers in common areas (not in

bedroom)o Know child’s passwordo Be friend on Facebooko Bring cell phones, computers to parents’ room to

charge overnight

My Child is Being Bullied

If Your Child is Being Bullied

• Listen and empathizeo “Tell me what happened”o “That must have been very scary for you”o Thank child for telling you

• Take it seriouslyo Do not minimize of trivialize

If Your Child is Being Bullied

• Work with child to find out more about situation and to problem-solveo Responses like “just ignore it,” “give him a good whack,” what did you

do to bother him or her?” won’t help

• Work in partnership with school and with outside professionals if needed

• Follow-up

My Child Might Be Bullying

Others

If Your Child is Bullying Others

• Send clear, firm, and supportive message that the behavior is not OK and that you are going to work with child to change it (meaningful consequences)

• Try to figure out why your child is bullyingo Desire for social power or status?o Temperament issue that needs more adult regulation?o Going along with peers?o Being bullied by others and lashing out?

If Your Child is Bullying Others

• Work with teacher or counselor to plan for change o Involve child in developing alternate behaviors or ideas to gain

leadership and “social status” that don’t involve bullying others

• Provide specific examples (from your experience; carefully screened books and media)

How Do I Get Help?

Know that there are Resources Available

• Talk to your child’s teacher• Talk to the school

counselor/psychologist• Talk to the principal

Referrals for Students in Crisis

• 1-800-273-TALK (Suicide Lifeline)• 1-866-4-U-Trevor (LGBTQ Youth Suicide

Hotline)