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7/30/2019 Boys Night Out
1/26
Boys Night Out
By Owen O'Neill
7/30/2019 Boys Night Out
2/26
INT - SMALL APARTMENT
SEBASTIAN, standing at around 5'9, is seen walking into a barely
furnished apartment. There is a box in his hand, and he places it on
the floor. FRANCIS, standing at around 6'0, is seen rummaging through
a box on a counter.
SEBASTIAN
That's the last one!
FRANCIS
What the hell are you talking about?
That's the first box that you've brought
up. We literally just started.
SEBASTIAN
But it's the last box that I'll be bringing
up. There are way too many stairs in this
god forsaken place. Besides, that's not the
first box that I brought up."
SEBASTIAN walks over to a refridgerator and grabs a beer from a box
of beer. He then sits on a couch in the middle of the room.
FRANCIS
You're already drinking?
SEBASTIAN
There's nothing wrong with casually
checking the endurance of my liver.
FRANCIS
What?
SEBASTIAN
People go to the doctor's to make sure their
body is working fine - but there are some
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things you can test yourself. I'm just
making sure my liver is still in good shape
FRANCIS
Can't you wait until later, or at least
until we're done with this?
SEBASTIAN
Why can't I start drinking now?
FRANCIS
You know who asks that? Alcoholics.
SEBASTIAN
What are you trying to say...?
There is a knock at the door. FRANCIS walks over to answer it.
SEBASTIAN
I gotta piss.
SEBASTIAN exits to the bathroom. FRANCIS opens the door to see a
poorly dressed man with a beard, wearing a baseball cap. He doesn't
look like he's been living well.
STRANGE MAN
Er..hello. I live across the hall and I
saw you guys moving boxes from outside
so I thought I could give you a hand.
STRANGE MAN looks shifty and socially awkward. FRANCIS pays no
attention to the weird tendencies of the man.
FRANCIS
Yes! That would be perfect! I'll show
you where I parked.
The STRANGE MAN chuckles briefly.
STRANGE MAN
You have a car?
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FRANCIS
Why wouldn't I?
STRANGE MAN
Nobody drives in the city - there's too
much traffic.
EXT: PARKING LOT
The sun is high in the sky, it's a beautiful day. FRANCIS and STRANGE
MAN approach a small car cramped with boxes.
FRANCIS
Here she is!
FRANCIS opens the trunk of his car and grabs a box and hands it to
the STRANGE MAN
STRANGE MAN
Kinda light, what's in here?
FRANCIS
I think it might be clothes...
FRANCIS turns his back to the STRANGE MAN and starts rummaging
through his trunk again. He continues his sentence.
FRANCIS
(CON'T)...but I'm not entirely sure.
I'd have to open it up to see.
FRANCIS turns around with a new box in his hand and notices that the
STRANGE MAN has vanished and is awkwardly running down the street. He
is running as if he has feces in his pants.
FRANCIS
Hey man what the hell!
A laugh is heard off screen. The camera pans to a well dressed man
(DAVE) who screams success. DAVE walks over to FRANCIS with a grin on
his face.
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DAVE
First time in the big city?
FRANCIS:
Yeah - what gave it away?
DAVE
The fact that you just got robbed by
a homeless guy.
FRANCIS
He was homeless?
DAVE:
You fell for the ole 'homeless guy sneaks
into apartment building of new resident
and offers to lend a hand'. Oldest trick
in the book.
FRANCIS
In my defense, he was inside my apartment
building. I don't know how he got inside.
DAVE
The building has a lock on it to keep the
homeless out - someone must have let him in.
FRANCIS
What idiot would do that?
DAVE
I'm not sure - but don't be too hard on
them. The homeless are crafty. They are
always thinking of clever ways to do things.
They can be incredibly persuasive.
FLASH BACK - EXT - OUTSIDE APARTMENT BUILDING
SEBASTIAN is walking towards the aprtment building door, as he opens
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it a voice is heard.
STRANGE MAN
Can you hold the door?
SEBASTIAN
Yeah, sure
The STRANGE MAN runs from behind SEBASTIAN and walks into the
building. SEBASTIAN holds the door open and nods at the STRANGE MAN
as he walks inside
BACK TO MODERN TIME - EXT - PARKING LOT
DAVE
At least you have one less box to
carry up.
FRANCIS
My clothes were in that box!
DAVE
Yeah, but I'm sure you've got another
box filled with clothes. You'll be fine.
INT - APARTMENT BUILDING
FRANCIS is looking through a box with a nervous look on his face.
SEBASTIAN and DAVE are both standing in the room with him.
FRANCIS
Socks, underwear, a few t-shirts...and some
pajamas. Fantastic.
SEBASTIAN
You still have pajamas?
FRANCIS
Don't you?
SEBASTIAN laughs under his breath
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SEBASTIAN
I'm a grown man of course I don't
wear pajamas.
DAVE
The last time I wore pajamas is when
it was socially acceptable for me to go
to the bathroom in my pants.
FRANCIS
Well what do you sleep in?
DAVE
I dunno, boxers or something.
SEBASTIAN
I used to do that but then my balls started
getting claustrophobic during the summer
months.
FRANCIS
Aw man gross! I don't want to be hearing
about that shit - and I'm sure our guest
doesn't either!
DAVE
I know exactly what you mean. I get the
same feeling on those long August nights
when your underwear feels like a Chinese sauna.
I'm DAVE by the way.
SEBASTIAN
I'm SEBASTIAN. Can I get you a beer?
DAVE
Absolutely! It's never too early for a
beer.
SEBASTIAN walks towards the fridge staring at FRANCIS with a dumb
look on his face the entire time.
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FRANCIS
I can't believe I have to share a bed
with you and I'm just finding out that
you sleep naked.
DAVE
You guys are sharing a bed? Are you..
FRANCIS
What? No!
SEBASTIAN:
We're just two dudes sleeping and living
together. It's completely hetereosexual.
It's not even a bed. It's more of a mattress
on the floor.
FRANCIS:
That counts as a bed.
SEBASTIAN
Pssh - maybe in Japan.
DAVE laughs
DAVE
So what brings you to the Big City?
FRANCIS
Just needing a fresh start I guess.
SEBASTIAN
Women.
DAVE
Hey! I know women. I could introduce you
to Rose and Michelle. They live in the
building and are both incredibly lonely.
SEBASTIAN
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Let's do it!
FRANCIS
Let's not.
SEBASTIAN:
Oh come on. Don'tbe that guy.
FRANCIS
I'm being that guy.
SEBASTIAN
Yeah, but don't be.
DAVE
Come on FRANCIS! Sure you were just
robbed, and out smarted by a homeless man,
and you have little to no clothes - AND
probably no money since you just moved...but
that doesn't mean you can't come out tonight!
FRANCIS
That's exactly what that means. I start
my new job tomorrow. I don't want to behungover.
DAVE
Your boss won't care! You can just play
it off like you're nervous. It'll be fine.
SEBASTIAN
We won't even drink to the point that
we're hungover! We'll have a few beers,
and wake up feeling better than ever.
INT - THE APARTMENT - THE NEXT DAY
An alarm goes off, FRANCIS is lying on the floor.SEBASTIAN has taken
over the entire matress. He is fully naked, but slightly covered by a
thin blanket.
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FRANCIS:
Oh my god...my head.
FRANCIS lifts his head up off the floor and notices there is a
strange fluid on the side of his face. He touches it with his fingers
and smells it. His head jerks back.
FRANCIS:
I don't even want to know.
SEBASTIAN:
Turn off that goddamn alarm.
FRANCIS swings an arm up to the night stand to disable his alarm
clock.
FRANCIS
Relax. You get to sleep in - I don't
have anything to wear to work and I'm
incredibly hungover.
SEBASTIAN
Just borrow one of my suits
FRANCIS
You're way shorter than I am!
SEBASTIAN
Pssh. Barely. Like an inch.
FRANCIS:
Like six.
SEBASTIAN
It's that - or you can go in your
adorable ACDC pajamas.
CUT TO INT - OFFICE ELEVATOR
FRANCIS is seen looking incrdibly hungover, messy hair, with a look
of dread in his face. He is wearing a suit that is far too tight, and
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too small for him. His pants look like kapris, and his dress shirt is
more of a collared belly top. A MAN enters the elevator looking sharp
as ever, and is in an incredibly good mood.
MAN
Well, don't you look like a sparkling
ray of sunshine
FRANCIS looks at the MAN and doesn't say anything.
MAN
That suit is a little small for you,
eh?
FRANCIS:
Oh really? I didn't notice.
MAN
Yeesh, rough morning. Late night? We've
all been there, I know I have. Even THE BOSS
is known to come in a little hungover.
Sometimes he's still drunk.
FRANCIS
Were you incredibly hungover on your first
day?
MAN
No, I'm not an alcoholic.
FRANCIS
I have a meeting with the boss in 15 minutes. I
really hope he doesn't notice the smell of liquor
and shame that is leaking out of my skin rightnow.
MAN
Is that what that was?
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER INT - OFFICE CUBICLE
7/30/2019 Boys Night Out
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FRANCIS is sitting at his desk staring at the clock on the wall. He
looks around nervously as he overhears the chatter of co workers, and
phones ringing. His headache appeares to be bothering him. DAVE
enters from around the corner of the cubicle.
DAVE:
Good morning...
DAVE looks down at his clipboard.
DAVE:
(CONT'D)...FRANCIS! Nice suit. I'm DAVE,
I'll be your department supervisor. Since
you're new here, I was hoping we could get
to know each other a little better.
FRANCIS
DAVE, I know who you are. We got
belligerently drunk last night and sang karaoke.
DAVE
Yeah I know. I was just messin' with ya.
Were we any good?
FRANCIS
From what I remember - no.
FLASH BACK INT - KARAOKE BAR
DAVE and FRANCIS have their arms wrapped behind each others backs.
They are standing in the middle of the stage, drunkinly rocking back
and fourth. The two men are singing 'WE BELONG' by PAT BENATAR. As
the song progresses to the chorus, the two men are trying to fight
back tears as they look into each other's eyes.
MODERN TIME INT - OFFICE CUBICLE
DAVE:
That sounds like something I would
do. Where was SEBASTIAN?
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FLASH BACK INT - KARAOKE BAR
DAVE and FRANCIS are holding each other as 'WE BELONG' plays in the
background. The two men are crying relentlessly.
SEBASTIAN:
"YOU SUCK!"
MODERN TIME INT - OFFICE CUBICLE
DAVE
I thought we were pretty good.
FRANCIS
I don't want to ever have that flash
back again.
DAVE
I want to relive that moment for the rest of
my life. It was romantic.
FRANCIS
It was romantic in the same way that getting
married in Vegas is romantic.
DAVE
My parents married in Vegas.
FRANCIS
I'm sure it was very romantic.
DAVE
It was, until my mom popped me out in the
middle of the ceremony and Elvis almost
sued them for staining the carpet.
There is an awkward pause - DAVE's pager starts vibrating. He checks
it and then sighs.
DAVE
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Look, I gotta go. Keep up the good work
and don't come in to work hungover again.
DAVE starts to walk away.
FRANCIS:
What am I supposed to be doing?
DAVE doesn't hear what FRANCIS says and continues to walk away.
FRANCIS looks at his desk with a clueless expression.
EXT - PARK
SEBASTIAN is seen sitting on a park bench staring at a flock of
birds, and on the other side sits a group of school children. There
are joggers running by him. SEBASTIAN is in a deep stare and isn't
blinking - he looks incredibly hungover and is wearing track pants
and a hoodie.
TEACHER
Sir. Sir? Can you please leave?
SEBASTIAN snaps out of his stare.
SEBASTIAN
Huh?
TEACHER
Can you please leave?
SEBASTIAN
What? What did I do?
TEACHER
The school children are becoming frightened
that a homeless man is staring at them while they
eat.
SEBASTIAN
What? I'm not homeless. I'm just looking at the
birds!
TEACHER
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I'm not judging you or your life decisions.
SEBASTIAN
What are you talking about?
TEACHER
You smell like liquor and shame, haven't shaved
in what appears to be months, and you're just
sitting in a park staring at "birds". Who does
that?
SEBASTIAN
People that really like birds.
TEACHER
For the safety and comfort of these children,
please leave.
SEBASTIAN
You can't tell me what to do.
A POLICE OFFICER walks over to investigate the situation.
POLICE OFFICER
Is there a problem here?
TEACHER
This man is scaring the children while they are
eating lunch and I kindly asked him to move.
POLICE OFFICER
Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
SEBASTIAN
What? Why? Because I look homeless?
POLICE OFFICER
No not because you look homeless - but you
can't be sitting by yourself staring at children,
or be loitering in a public
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park.
The POLICE OFFICER points to a sign that says 'NO LOITERING'
SEBASTIAN
I can't loiter in a public park? Then who
the hell put benches for people to sit?
POLICE OFFICER
I don't like the attitude. You can't sit
around all day staring at a bunch of school
children.
SEBASTIAN
I'm not staring at the school children I'm
staring at the birds!
POLICE OFFICER
Who does that?
SEBASTIAN
A man who really likes birds. Has nobody here
every stopped to look at a flock of birds before?
The park is shown - people are doing a variety of recreationalactivity and ignoring the birds.
POLICE OFFICER:
I'm not going to ask you again.
SEBASTIAN
It's a public park! This is a free country!
If I want to sit on this bench and stare a
flock of seagulls, then by God I am going
to do it! I dream of a world where I can be
beyong hungover and sit in public places
without being questioned! I will not stand
for this oppression! There is nothing you
can do to stop me from sitting here.
INT - OFFICE CUBICLE
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FRANCIS is sitting his chair staring at the clock on the wall. His
cell phone starts ringing obnoxiously. He panics and answers it.
FRANCIS
Hello?
SEBASTIAN [on the phone]
Hey man.
FRANCIS
SEBASTIAN? Why the hell are you calling
me at work?
CUT TO SEBASTIAN standing at a pay phone in a police station. His
hair is messed up, clothes are torn, and his eyes are incredibly red
and watery.
SEBASTIAN
Oh you know...just thought I'd let you know
that I missed you. And I wanted to see how
your first day was going?
CUT BACK TO FRANCIS
FRANCIS
Awful. DAVE is my boss, everyone is laughing at
this pathetic excuse for a suit, I'm hungover,
and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.
I don't even know what this office does - I just
applied and faked my way through the interview.
SEBASTIAN
How do you not know what the office does?
FRANCIS:
I was applying to so many jobs I just
sort of lost track.
SEBASTIAN
Right. Anyway, if you could swing by the
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'ole police station to pick me up on your
way home from work that would be fantastic.
FRANCIS
You were arrested?!
SEBASTIAN
Not so much arrested, more detained.
FRANCIS
What did you do?
SEBASTIAN
Well, apparently I look like a homeless
pedophile. I just need you to pick me up.
FRANCIS
I'll come by when I leave work. Try
to survive until then.
CUT TO SEBASTIAN - a large white male is staring at him with a
sinsiter grin.
SEBASTIAN
I can't make any promises.
SEBASTIAN hangs up the phone.
CUT TO FRANCIS
FRANCIS (under breath)
I just have to keep myself busy for a
few more hours - don't let anyone know
you've been doing nothing all morning.
DAVE enters
DAVE
Hey bud! Keepin' busy?
FRANCIS
Absolutely.
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DAVE
I hope you haven't been working too hard
today - you know, because it's your first
day and all you think you might have to
prove yourself. How's the Neilson file
coming?
FRANCIS pauses.
FRANCIS
A lot can be said about that Neilson file,
let me tell you.
DAVE
Really? Like what?
DAVE becomes suddenly suspicious and FRANCIS begins to panic.
FRANCIS
You know - nothing interesting. It's
a file about...Neilson. And...ugh.
DAVE
You haven't started it, have you?
FRANCIS
I haven't done anything all morning.
I've literally been sitting at my desk
staring at the clock.
DAVE
Oh really? And what time is it?
FRANCIS:
...3:15
DAVE
3.15! Do you hear that everyone? FRANCIS
has been sitting here, in this office,
doing absolutely nothing, for close to
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6 hours - and nobody has noticed.
There is a hush in the office.
DAVE
...we've got a new winner!
There is a thunderous applause as FRANCIS' co-workers clap and
whistle for him.
FRANCIS
Winner?
DAVE
Every time there is a new employee, we
purposely don't tell them what to do andsee how long they'll go before they ask
for guidance. You, however, just sat here,
the entire time. You sir, have too much pride
to admit you're a clueless idiot. I like that.
FRANCIS
Wow.
DAVE
It takes a lot of patience to sit here for six
hours doing absolutely nothing. Congratulations.
FRANCIS
Thanks?
DAVE:
Now, let me tell you what we do here.
INT - PRISON CELL
SEBASTIAN is sitting in the corner of the cell rocking back and
forth. with a group of large men with a 'career criminal' look to
them.
PRISONER 1
What's wrong with him?
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PRISONER 2
I think he might be scared.
PRISONER 1
[angry] Scared of what? Hey!
Fresh meat!
The prisoner hits the bars of the cell in a fit of rage.
PRISONER 1
HEY. I'm talking to you! Are you
scared of me?
SEBASTIAN
Mortified.
PRISONER 1
[more angry] Why? I'm a nice guy.
Don't you think I'm a nice guy?
PRISONER 2
You're the nicest guy I've ever met.
PRISONER 1
I better be.
SEBASTIAN
[panicking] Someone help me! He's
going to kill me!
PRISONER 1 puts a menacing grin on his face.
PRISONER 1
Oh, I'm not going to kill you. Don't
worry sweet cheeks.
INT - OFFICE CUBICLE
DAVE is standing while FRANCIS is sitting in his office chair.
DAVE
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So yeah, we run a pretty simple operation.
Just remember do the do's and don't do
the don'ts. What's Sebastian up to today?
FRANCIS
He's in jail for being a homeless
pedophile.
DAVE
Wow - you think you know someone.
FRANCIS
I've got to pick him up on the way
home from work.
DAVE
Ooh, rough, think he'll survive?
FRANCIS
How bad could it be? It's just
prison.
DAVE and FRANCIS have a sudden realization.
DAVE
You should probably go get
him now.
FRANCIS
I can just leave?
DAVE
Meh, you weren't doing anything
anyway.
FRANCIS
Thank you so much, Dave. I owe
you one.
DAVE
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You can repay me by never forgetting
that beautiful night we had together.
FRANCIS:
Deal.
FRANCIS exits the office. DAVE slowly walks away singing WE BELONG.
INT - PRISON CELL
SEBASTIAN seems a lot more relaxed. The inmates are sitting in a
circle on the floor - much like a support group.
PRISONER 1
You just have to say to yourself, 'I'mnot going to be a homeless pedophile
anymore'. You need to turn your life
around.
SEBASTIAN
You're right, unnamed prisoner. I think
if I really apply myself I can change
that.
PRISONER 1 and SEBASTIAN hug each other. While in the middle of a
hug, SEBASTIAN starts speaking
SEBASTIAN
So how did a nice, caring man like you
end up in this place?
PRISONER 1
I killed a man with my bare hands.
SEBASTIAN stops hugging PRISONER 1 and becomes worried again. FRANCIS
approaches the bars of the cell.
FRANCIS
Yep, that's my homeless guy.
A prison guard unlocks the doors to the cell.
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SEBASTIAN
Where the hell have you been?
FRANCIS:
I'm here earlier than I said - you
should be happy.
SEBASTIAN:
I have lost all sense of time. I feel like
it's 20 years in the future and you're not
even FRANCIS. You could be FRANCIS' child.
How long was I in there for?
PRISON GUARD
About an hour.
FRANCIS
Wow, you really did hard time
today.
SEBASTIAN
I may never recover.
FRANCIS and SEBASTIAN start walking down the hallway out of theprison.
SEBASTIAN
So what are we going to get up to
tonight?
FRANCIS
You're kidding.
SEBASTIAN
What's DAVE doing? Let's hit the bar.
FRANCIS:
No. No. No. We are not going out again.
My body can't handle it.You aren't going
to trick me this time. You may be cunning
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and crafty, but I just bailed you out of
prison, so I think that you owe m-
INT - APARTMENT
FRANCIS is lying in a similar position as he was after his first
night on the town. SEBASTIAN is lying across the entire mattress
again - still covered by a thin sheet. He touches his face to find a
similiar fluid on his cheek.
FRANCIS
[shouting] I still don't even know what
this is!
Fin.
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