Hey DEVILer, I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised me by containing a make-a-paper-airplane option. I decided to give it a try. After I selected the plane I wanted, the software gave me a choice of accessories available for my plane, including a vertical tail, adjustable flaps and an AM/FM/CD player radio. Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM/CD player radio. The program responded with a message box stating: "Come on, be serious. These are just paper airplanes." Cy B., Newport, NJ

My wife and I were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music

blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said.

“It won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.” Roddy M., Gloucester City, NJ

Roger was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife

was really pissed off. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to

find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT

BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife

woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box

gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on

her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in

the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom

scale. Roger has been missing since Friday. submitted by Sandi M., Syracuse, NY

Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this

morning, Dallas, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a

retainer."

Dallas: "Did he keep it?"

Pickpocket: "He thinks he did."

I had a chance encounter with a club owner who told

me about a wonderful event last night. “We had a

singing group the that performed without instruments,”

he said.

“A cappella?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t remember the name of the

group.” submitted by Harry T. of Pedricktown, NJ

A doctor, a politician, a pastor, and a Boy Scout, were out for a Sunday

afternoon flight on a small private plane.

Suddenly, the plane developed engine

trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the

pilot, the plane started to go down.

Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled

to the passengers that they had better jump, and she bailed out.

Unfortunately there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must

live," and jumped out.

The politician then said "I'm the smartest man in the world, I’m Joe

Biden and I’m going to be the next president of the United States. He

grabbed a parachute and jumped, also.

The pastor looked at the little Boy Scout and said, "My son, I've lived a

long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The Boy Scout handed the parachute back to the pastor and said, "Not

to worry, Preacher. 'The smartest man in the world' and the next

president of the United States just jumped out with my back pack."

Mr. Deviler... my submission: Due to the

pandemic I was working from my home,

interviewing a famous socialite for an

article, when my 3-year-old announced he

had to go potty and waddled into the

bathroom. After some loud moans, he

yelled, “I did it, Mom! I pooped in the

toilet! I pooped on the floor too! But it

okay because I’ll clean it!”

There was an uncomfortable silence as I

realized the social-

ite had heard every

word. “Ha ha,” I

laughed nervously.

“Do you have

kids?” “NO!” she said, “and I never will!” Bonny M., Coatesville, PA

“I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were

exactly like mine : We were both crazy about girls.” Groucho Marx