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How to Build Your Best Marriage in 5-Steps
Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!Bloom!How to Build Your Best Marriage in 5-Steps
© Mass Ignition1
Signs this Module will help youyouyouyou� You experience times of harsh language
� You feel or experience defensiveness in conversation with your spouse
� You feel your spouse is not as attentive during discussion with you
© Mass Ignition2
with you
� You use or receive sarcasm
� You use or receive “silence” as a form of punishment
� Your discussions or conversations feel draining instead of life-giving
� You or your spouse “snaps” in conversation
What you will learn from this Module� What are the four common types of responses people take that will lead into a Doom Cycle
� The 5-Step Antidote for each reaction that will deliver you into the Bloom Cycle
� What are key Biblical resources you can draw from to master the right words?
© Mass Ignition3
� How do you decipher what are the right words to use?� How can you go deep within yourself to understand why youreact in certain ways to certain words?
� How failure to intentionally deal with choosing the right words leads to the Doom Cycle
� How to discover the right power words to use that can spin your marriage into the Bloom Cycle
Doom Cycle
Bloom Cycle
Vs.
Whether you are fully aware of it or not, you are in one cycle or the other
© Mass Ignition4
Cycle CycleVs.
WHY WE DOOM
Finances
“ONENESS BROKEN”
Health
Passions/Hobbies
Family
5
Friends Culture
Kids Career
Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you…through painful toil…all the days… Gen. 3
AddictionsLoss
HOW WE BLOOM
Finances
“ONENESS SUSTAINED”
Kids
Health
Passions/Hobbies
Family
6
Friends Culture
KidsCareer
…they will become one flesh Gen. 2:24Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21
Addictions
Loss
WHY WE MUST BLOOM
7
God patterned them after Himself. Gen. 1:27…so that we can be mirrors that reflect His glory 2Cor. 3:18
What it takes to BLOOM!What it takes to BLOOM!The 5 key nutrients:The 5 key nutrients:
••Commit to LoveCommit to Love••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect
© Mass Ignition8
••Cherish & RespectCherish & Respect••Be Gracious & ForgiveBe Gracious & Forgive••Choose the Right WordsChoose the Right Words••Seek a Greater PurposeSeek a Greater Purpose
COMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVECOMMIT To “sacrificial” LOVEHOW FULL IS YOUR LOVE TANK?
AGAPE
Love LanguagesWordsQuality TimeGiftsActs of Service
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EROS
FILOActs of ServicePhysical Touch
with cherish
she responds
he responds without
“DOOM”“DOOM”
CHERISH & RESPECT CHERISH & RESPECT “LL=CR”“LL=CR”
© Mass Ignition10
with respect
respondsresponds
she reacts
he reacts
without respect
without cherish
“BLOOM”“BLOOM”
Without G&F Without G&F With G&F With G&F
BE GRACIOUS & FORGIVEBE GRACIOUS & FORGIVE
© Mass Ignition11
“oneness lost”“oneness lost” attitude + rec. process attitude + rec. process “oneness gained”“oneness gained”
DOOMING Myth #4: Communication gets better in time
© Mass Ignition12
BLOOMING Truth #3:Communication gets better when we learn deliberately how to choose the right words
Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle Here’s a story of a Doom Cycle
�Donna and Dan exhibit signs that they really need Module #4….
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Module #4….
Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle Here’s a story of a Bloom Cycle
�Barbara and Bob turned around their marriage through the
© Mass Ignition14
through the concepts found in Module #4
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSWhy?Why?
RELATIONSHIPS ARE EITHER DEVELOPED OR DESTROYEDBY THE WORDS THAT ARE CHOSEN
© Mass Ignition15
BY THE WORDS THAT ARE CHOSEN
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSBiblical PrinciplesBiblical Principles
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19
© Mass Ignition16
Proverbs 10:19
The tongue has the power of life and death… Proverbs 18:21
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSEveryone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
Argument REACTING the other
Destructive offensive, names, sarcasm, violent = scarring
© Mass Ignition17
Disagreement REACTING issue
Harsh defensive, personalities arise = separating
Normal dialogue RESPONDING each other
Kind attentive, encouraging = supporting
“SPIRITUAL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”“SPIRITUAL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE”
CIRCUMSTANCE
EMOTIONS Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy
THOUGHTS
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Hurt, Fear, Want, Joy
3 sec.
with self REACT“FLESH”
with GodRESPOND “SPIRIT”
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS
REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”
RESPOND
“GRACE
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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”
“GRACE
&
TRUTH”
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDSCHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS
REACT: “STAND OFF” REACT: “TELL OFF”
Listen
Clarify Thoughts
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REACT: “GIVE UP” REACT: “HOLD ON ”
Clarify Thoughts
Identify Feelings
Right Tone, Time, Words
Find Compromise
RESPONDING in GRACE & TRUTH“slowing down, staying centered”
HEAD = Clarifying Thoughts
EARS = Listening (3 levels)
21
HANDS = Praying, Compromising, Forgiving
MOUTH = Choosing Right Words, Tone, Time
HEART = Identifying Feelings
HOMEWORK: HOMEWORK:
CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS -awareness and action
1. See attached homework packet
© Mass Ignition22
Bonus: Within the next 6 weeks, write a note of recommitment