Becoming an Assertive Professional

Share with your partner and then with the group

NAME,

ORGANISATION

and

JOB ROLE

TRICKY

SITUATIONS?

WHAT WOULD CHANGE IF YOU

WERE MORE ASSERTIVE?

Welcome and Introductions

AIMS IN

ATTENDING

TRAINING

Working Together• Time Keeping• Confidentiality• There’s no such thing as a silly question• Experiment and take risks – see possibilities not limits• Respect – space and values for others• Participation – involvement/contribution• Bit of fun!

What does the term ‘assertiveness’mean to you?

Discussion in Groups

• A learned behaviour• A chosen behaviour• Linked to thinking and feeling

What does the term ‘assertiveness’ mean?

Assertiveness is called upon in our management role when • Making requests• Refusing requests• Affirming position• Giving feedback/difficult messages• Challenging others• Managing conflict• . . . And many more times a day!!!

Passive

Aggressive

Manipulative

Working in Groups•Basic stance/intention

•Behaviours – words, actions gestures

•Effect on others

•Short term payoffs

•Long term consequences

. . . Aaaahhhhhh!

Whatever you think you can do or think you can’t, you’re right.

Barrier Beliefs:• I must be perfect• Not good enough• Attack best form of defence• I must keep my head down to be

safe• I should put others first• I am not as important as others• I am superior

Assertive beliefs:• I am responsible for what happens

to me• I can chose how to behave• I am in control• I can change• I can initiate actions• I can learn from feedback• I believe assertiveness gets

positive results

How do you modify beliefs:• Contrast the belief with the

knowledge you now have• Where you respect someone –

what are their beliefs?• Look for instances that disprove the

belief• Act as if you hold a different belief

So, what does it mean to be more assertive?

STRESS FRUSTRATION QUIET LIFE CONTROL

RESPECT REWARD PRIDE ACHIEVEMENT

SECURITY RISK CHALLENGE CONFRONTATION FEAR

FRIENDS HAPPINESS DISCONTENT KNOWLEDGE

EXPERIENCE POWER POSITION ADVANCEMENT

GROWTH RIGHTS RESPONSIBILITIES

CHALLENGE POSSIBLITIES LIMITS

SELF DOUBT TIME WORRY ANGER

CO-OPERATION BEING HEARD BEING IGNORED

AGREEMENT COMPLAINTS INFLUENCE CHOISE

SUPPORT PRESSURE DEVELOPMENT SKILLS

Gains and Losses

LUNCH

Thoughts Create Feelings

Optimistic and upbeat thoughts• We get optimistic and uplifting emotions.

• We feel good

Pessimistic and negative thoughts

• We get pessimistic and downbeat

emotions.

• We feel bad

Thinking Styles

It’s not the event that causes the feeling – it’s how you think about it.

John suspected that once again someone had slipped him a spoon

with the concave side reversed

Assertiveness

Toolkit

Adopting new physiology

Broken

Record

FOUNDATIONSSelf Esteem and Confidence

Managing Feedback

Refusing requests / saying no

ReframingWorkable

Compromise

Fogging

Three Step Approach3. Focus on the future

2. Focus on  feelings/ fallout/impact

1. Focus on facts

Three Step Approach3. Focus on the futureCould we agree that in future if you need to extend a deadline we could talk about it and agree the best way forward

2. Focus on  feelings/ fallout/impactBecause I didn’t get x in time, I had to stay late to compile data myself and had to delay my report to/meeting with ….

1. Focus on factsJo, we agreed I’d have x by ‘date/time’ and I didn’t get it from you. I appreciate you have competing priorities and so do I.

Making Assertive Requests

Remember your audienceExplicitly state what you wantQualify it Understand world mapsEmotional control Simple language and straightforward approach Time consciousness

Assertiveness

Toolkit

Adopting new physiology

Broken

Record

FOUNDATIONSSelf Esteem and Confidence

Managing Feedback

Refusing requests / saying no

ReframingWorkable

Compromise

Fogging

5 Top Tips for Saying No and Refusing Requests

Say NoAlternativesYour ReasonsNeeds/prioritiesOpen to change

Saying No• Assert belief that helps – people have right to

ask, you have right to say ‘no’.• Acknowledge, thank but give real reason

(rather than invent excuse).• Make ‘no’ polite.• Be concise.• Avoid profuse apology• Identify yourself with your decision• Ask for more time if you need it• Firm steady voice, good eye contact• If other party persists, say no with firmness

Assertiveness

Toolkit

Adopting new physiology

Broken

Record

FOUNDATIONSSelf Esteem and Confidence

Managing Feedback

Refusing requests / saying no

ReframingWorkable

Compromise

Fogging

Where does it come from?

Dr Morris Rosenberg

• Self-esteem is a positive or negative orientation toward oneself;

• an overall evaluation of one's worth or value

Portraying Confidence

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the

shadow of death, I will fear no evil. PS. 23:4

“ The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them."

If you always do

what you’ve always done,

You will always get

what you always got

Thank you for choosing DSC for your training.

DSC will forward an on line Evaluation Form for you to complete. We welcome your feedback on what worked and what can be improved

If you would like to discuss your training and development further, please do contact me – I love talking learning!!

Chrissie Wright

Senior consultant & Performance Coach

chrissie.wright@outlook.com 07851629590