Basic School Age Program 10 Handouts

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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton

OUR FAMILY ROUTINES

Write out your bedtime or after-schoolroutine here.




OUR FAMILY ROUTINES

Write out your morning routine here.




Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines

TALK ABOUT your household rules with your children.

Use the Household Rules handout to establish some of the rules you

think are most important regarding TV or computer time and homework.

Write these down on the household rules handout and bring the list to thenext meeting.

SET UP A REGULAR ROUTINE after school. Write it down and dis-

cuss with your children. Post it where children can see it (where, when,

and with whom homework will take place. Bring plan to next session.)

Implement a household chore for your children. Write it down on the

chore handout and explain to your child.

Call a group member to talk about household rules.

Handouts and review Chapter Four, Limit Setting, and Chapter Nine,

Helping Children Learn to Regulate their Emotions in The Incredible

Years

•

•

•

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Caution: Remember to continue special time!

To Read:

Home Activities for the Week




HOUSEHOLD RULES

Some Examples:

Bedtime is at 9:00 p.m.

No hitting allowed.

A seat belt must always be worn in the car.

Bicycle helmet must be worn when riding bike.

Homework must be finished before watching TV or playing computer games.

One hour of TV or computer per day.

No smoking, alcohol, or drug use.

Child lets me know where s/he is outside of school time.

Tell parent where you are, with whom and what you are doing.

Your List of Household Rules:

Every home needs a limited number of “house rules.”

If the list gets too long, no one will remember the rules.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

1.

2.

3.

4.




My Family’s Household Rules




HOUSEHOLD CHORES for ________________

Some Examples:

Feed Dog

Set Table

Empty Dishwasher

Your List of Household Chores:

1.

2.

3.

1.

2.

3.

4.




Household Chores for____________




H a

n g u p c o a t .

C h

a n g e i n t o h o m e c l o t h

e s .

S n a c k ! ! !

C h

e c k b o o k b a g

D o

h o m e w o r k

C h o r e C

a r d s

© P a r e n

t s a n

d C h i l d r

e n

V i d e o

t a p e

S e r i e s

A f t e r S c h o o l R o u t i n e

H a n g u p c

o a t .

C h a n g e i n

t o h o m e c l o t h e s .

S n a c k ! ! !

C h e c k b o o k b a g

D o h o m e w

o r k

C h o r e C a r d s

© P a r e n

t s a n

d C h i l d r e n

V i d e o

t a p e

S e r i e s

A f t e r S c h o o l R o u t i n e




C h o r e C

a r d s

© P a r e n

t s a n

d C h i l d r e n

V i d e o

t a p e

S e r i e s

C

l e a n i n g M y R o o m

P u

t d i r t y c l o t h e s i n t h e

l a u n d r y b a s k e t .

P u

t b o o k s o n t h e s h e l f .

P u

t g a m e s i n t h e c u p b o a r d .

M a k e t h e b e d .

C h o r e C a r d s

© P a r e n

t s a n

d C h i l d r e n

V i d e o

t a p e

S e r i e s

C l e a n i n g M y R o o m

P u t d i r t y c l o t h e s i n t h e

l a u n d r y b a s k e t .

P u t b o o k s

o n t h e s h e l f .

P u t g a m e s i n t h e c u p b o a r d .

M a k e t h e

b e d .



Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton

Brainstorm What are the possible benefits for your childrenhaving clear limits in your home?

What gets in the way of setting limits? Write down the benefits of having clear limits and your difficulties in doing it. See if you can find

any solutions to your barriers to setting clear limits.

1.

2.

Benefits of Setting Limits Difficulties in Doing This

Goal:

I will commit to reducing the number of commands or requests to those thatare most important. Instead, I will focus on giving choices when possible,using distractions and when-then commands.




Brainstorm Rewrite the following ineffective commands into positive, clear, respectful commands.

Ineffective Commands Rewrite

Shut up•

Quit shouting•

Stop running•

Watch it•

Why don’t we go to bed?•

Let’s clean up the living room•

Cut it out•

What is your coat doing there?•

Why are your shoes in the living room?•

Don’t shove salad in your mouth like a pig• Why is your bike still in the driveway?•

You look like a slob•

Stop bugging your sister •

You are never ready in the morning•

Why do you leave homework until the last

minute?

•

Your clothes are filthy•

You never put the garbage out•

Your room is a mess•

Don’t speak to me like that•

Why can’t you wear something better

than that?

•

You are late getting home again•

You are impossible•




P r o g r a m 1 0 : C l e a r a n d R e s p e c t f u

l L i m i t S e t t i n g P a r t 2

© C a r o l y n W e b

s t e r - S t r a t t o n

•

D o n

’ t g

i v e u n n e c e s s a r y c o m m a n

d s .

•

M a

k e o n e r e q u e s t a

t a

t i m e .

•

B e r e a

l i s t i c i n y o u r e x p e c

t a t i o n s

•

U s e

“ d o

” r e q u e s t s .

•

M a

k e r e q u e s t s p o s i t

i v e a n

d p o

l i t e .

•

D o n

’ t u s e

“ s t o p

” c o m m a n

d s .

•

G i v e c

h i l d r e n a m p l e

o p p o r t u n

i t y t o c o m p

l y .

•

G i v e w a r n

i n g s a n

d h

e l p f u l r e m

i n d e r s .

•

D o n

’ t t h r e a

t e n c

h i l d

r e n ; u s e

“ w

h e n …

t h e n

”

c o m m a n

d s .

•

G i v e c

h i l d r e n o p

t i o n

s w

h e n e v e r p o s s i b

l e .

•

M a

k e r e q u e s t s s h o r t

a n

d t o t h e p o

i n t .

•

S u p p o r t y o u r p a r t n e

r ’ s r e q u e s t s .

•

P r a

i s e c o m p

l i a n c e .

•

S t r i k e a

b a

l a n c e

b e t w

e e n p a r e n

t a n

d c

h i l d c o n

t r o l .

•

E n c o u r a g e p r o

b l e m

- s o l v i n g w

i t h c

h i l d r e n .

R E F R I G E R A T O R

N O T E S

A B O U T L I M I T S

E T T I N G

P r o g r a m 1 0 : C l e a r a n d R e s p e c t f u l L i m i t S e t t i n g P a r t 2

© C

a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n

R E F R I G E R A T O R N O T E S

A B O U T L

I M I T S E T T I N G

•

D o n

’ t g i v e u n n e c e s s a r y c o m m a n

d s .

•

M a

k e o n e

r e q u e s t a

t a

t i m e .

•

B e r e a

l i s t i c

i n y o u r e x p e c

t a t i o n s

•

U s e

“ d o ”

r e q u e s t s .

•

M a

k e r e q u e s t s p o s i t i v e a n

d p o

l i t e .

•

D o n

’ t u s e

“ s t o p

” c o m m a n

d s .

•

G i v e c

h i l d

r e n a m p

l e o p p o r t u n

i t y t o c o m p

l y .

•

G i v e w a r n

i n g s a n

d h e

l p f u l r e m

i n d e r s .

•

D o n

’ t t h r e a

t e n c

h i l d r e n ; u s e

“ w

h e n …

t h e n ”

c o m m a n d

s .

•

G i v e c

h i l d

r e n o p

t i o n s w

h e n e v e r p o s s i b

l e .

•

M a

k e r e q u e s t s s h o r t a n

d t o t h e p o

i n t .

•

S u p p o r t y

o u r p a r t n e r ’ s r e q u e s t s .

•

P r a

i s e c o m

p l i a n c e .

•

S t r i k e a b a

l a n c e

b e

t w e e n p a r e n

t a n

d c

h i l d c o n

t r o l .

•

E n c o u r a g e p r o

b l e m - s o

l v i n g w

i t h c

h i l d r e n .




Effective Limit Setting

“The Importance of being Clear, Predictable, and Positive”

DECREASE the number of requests/commands you give to those that are

most important.

When necessary, GIVE POSITIVE AND SPECIFIC REQUESTS.

Avoid using question commands, “let’s” commands, negative commands,

vague commands, and chain commands.

Monitor and record the frequency and type of requests you give at home

for a 30-minute period on the “Record Sheet: Commands” handout, and

record the child’s response to these requests.

PRAISE your child every time he or she complies with a request.

Call a group member to talk about giving commands.

Handouts and review Chapter Five, Ignore, and Chapter Nine, Helping

Children Learn to Regulate their Emotions in The Incredible Years

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•

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•


To Read:





Clear Commands/Requests—Start with a Please...

“Speak politely.” “Put out the garbage.”

“Keep the noise low on your music.” “Turn your computer off.”

“Please put your coat in the closet.” “Talk quietly.”“Hang up the bathroom towels.” “Feed the dog each day.”

“Come home at the agreed time.” “Set the table.”

“Put your laundry in the basket.” “Make your bed.”

“Phone to let me know where you are

if your agreed upon plans change.”

Unclear, Vague, Question or Negative Commands/Requests

“Let’s clean your bedroom.” “Quit that..”

“Why don’t we go to bed now?” “Shut up.”

“Be nice, be good, be careful!” “Don’t yell.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to go to bed now?” “Watch it.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” “Let’s don’t do that anymore.”

“ I see your coat is still on the floor.” “Do you know where your coat is

supposed to be?” “Why isn’t your coat put away?”




H o m e A c t i v i t i e s

R E C O R D S H

E E T : C O M M A N D S / R E Q U E S T

D a t e

T i m e

C o m

m a n

d s o r

R e q u e s t

G i v e n

C h i l d ’ s R e s p o n s e

P a r e n

t ’ s R e s p

o n s e

E x a m p l e 5 – 5 : 3 0 p . m .

“ H a n g

y o u r c o a t i n t h e c l o s e t . ”

C h i l d h a n g s u p c o a t .

“ T h a n k y o u f o r h a

n g i n g u p y o u r c o a t . ”

1 s t D a y

2 n d D a y

E x a m p

l e o f W h e n …

T h e n r e q u e s t ,

o r g i v i n g a c h o i c e c o m m a n d .

“ R e

d u c e y o u r c o

m m a n

d s

t o

t h e m o s t

i m p o r t a n t

o n e s .

”



Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton

Brainstorm

Behaviors such as pouting, sulking, screaming, swearing, and arguing are good candidatesfor ignoring. These behaviors are annoying, but they never really seem to hurt anyone,and the behaviors will disappear if they are systematically ignored. The ignoring technique shouldnot be used, however, with behaviors that could lead to physical injury, property damage, or in-tolerable disruption of an ongoing activity.

Parents often have trouble controlling their anger when dealing with misbehavior,and find it hard not to criticize the child. This emotional involvement can make itdifficult to ignore your child’s arguments or to praise compliance when it finally does occur. How-ever, ignoring is one of the most effective strategies you can use.

Goal: I will commit to ignoring _____________________________________

behavior whenever it occurs. I will praise _______________________________

behavior, the positive opposite of the behavior I am ignoring.

Child Behaviors I Will Ignore

e.g., eye rolling

sarcastic remarks




Brainstorm

When you first start ignoring misbehavior, the behavior will get worse before it gets bet-ter. It is important to be prepared to wait out this negative period. If you give into theoppositional behavior, this behavior will be reinforced and your child will learn that by protest- i n gloudly, he or she can get his/her own way.

It is important to stay calm while ignoring. Try to think ahead and brainstorm ways to remain calmwhen ignoring misbehavior.

Goal: I will commit to tell myself the following ________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

when my child protests.

Ways to Stay Calm While Ignoring

deep breaths

relaxation techniques

positive thoughts

walk away

turn on some music

Remember, all young children argue and protest to get what they want. This is not personal

but a reflection of their strive to be independent and to test the rules.




Using Selective Attention

Sometimes, children will show positive and negative behaviors during the same activity. For example,a child might follow directions (positive behavior) while whining or rolling their eyes (negative at-titude). Selective attention is the technique where a parent praises or rewards the part of the behaviorthat is positive while ignoring the negative behavior. For example, a parent might praise the child forfollowing directions, and pay no attention to the whining or negative attitude. This way, the childlearns that she will receive positive attention for some behaviors, but will not receive attention forother behavior (e.g., arguing).

Brainstorm

Think about some situations where this kind of selective attention could be effective.

Goal: I will commit to praising ______________________________________

behavior while ignoring _____________________________________________

behavior.

When Would Selective Attention be Effective?

e.g., when child is following directions but giving me “attitude” at the same time, I will

praise his compliance and ignore his attitude.




P r o g r a m 1 0 : I g n o r i n g M i s b e h a v i o r P a r t 3

© C a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n


N O T E S

• A v o i d e y e c o n t a c

t a n d d i s c u s s i o n w h i l e i g n o r i n g .

• P h y s i c a l l y m o v e

a w a y f r o m y o u r c h i l d b u t s t a y

i n t h e r o o m i f p o s s i b l e .

• B e s u b t l e i n t h e w

a y y o u i g n o r e .

• B e p r e p a r e d f o r t

e s t i n g .

• B e c o n s i s t e n t .

• R e t u r n y o u r a t t e n

t i o n a s s o o n a s m i s b e h a v i o r

s t o p s .

• C o m b i n e d i s t r a c t i o n s w i t h i g n o r i n g .

• C h o o s e s p e c i c c h i l d b e h a v i o r s t o i g n o r e a n d

m a k e s u r e t h e y a r e o n e s y o u c a n

i g n o r e .

• L i m i t t h e n u m b e r o f b e h a v i o r s t o s y s t e m a t i c a l l y

i g n o r e .

• G i v e a t t e n t i o n t o

y o u r c h i l d ’ s p o s i t i v e b e h a v i o

r s .

P r o g r a m 1 0 : I g n o r i n g

M i s b e h a v i o r P a r t 3



• A v o i d e y e c o n t a c t a n d d i s c u s s i o n w h i l e i g n o r i n g .

• P h y s i c a l l y m o v e a w a y f r o m y o u r c h i l d b u t s t a y

i n t h e r o

o m i f p o s s i b l e .

• B e s u b t l e i n t h e w a y y o u i g n o r e .

• B e p r e p a r e d f o r t e s t i n g .

• B e c o n s i s t e n t .

• R e t u r n y

o u r a t t e n t i o n a s s o o n a s m i s b e h a v i o r

s t o p s .

• C o m b i n e d i s t r a c t i o n s w i t h i g n o r i n g .

• C h o o s e s p e c i c c h i l d b e h a v i o r s t o i g n

o r e a n d

m a k e s u r e t h e y a r e o n e s y o u c a n

i g n o

r e .

• L i m i t t h e n u m b e r o f b e h a v i o r s t o s y s t e m a t i c a l l y

i g n o r e .

• G i v e a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r c h i l d ’ s p o s i t i v e

b e h a v i o r s .




• On the Behavior Record handout, write a list of the behaviors you want to

see more of and less of.

• Select one negative behavior from the list of behaviors you want to see

less of (for example, whining or swearing), and practice ignoring the be-

havior every time it occurs during the week.

• For the negative behavior you listed in step #2 above, think of its positiveopposite. For example, the opposite of yelling is talking politely, and the

opposite of grabbing toys from others is sharing. Then systematically praise

this positive behavior every time it occurs during the week.

• On the Record Sheet: Praise and Ignore, write down the behavior you

ignored, the behavior your praised, and the child’s response

• Read and complete the handouts on self-control,

self-talk and positive coping statements.

• Use the Self-Talk in Problem Situations handout to record the upsetting

thoughts you have in problem situations, and write down some alternatecalming thoughts. Bring this handout to the next meeting.

Read Chapter 11, Controlling Upsetting Thoughts, in The Incredible Years

book.


To Read:





Calming Thoughts

“This child is testing to see if he can have his

own way. My job is to stay calm and help

him learn better ways to behave.”

“I need to talk to Michael about his clothes

lying around. If we discuss this calmly, we

should reach a good solution.”

“I can handle this. I am in control. He has

just learned some powerful ways to get con-

trol. I will teach him more appropriate ways

to behave.”

UpsettingThoughts

“That child is a monster. This is

getting ridiculous. He’ll never

change.”

“I’m sick of being his maid.

Things are going to change

or else!”

“He’s just like his father.

I can’t handle it when he’sangry.”

THOUGHT CONTROL

Researchers have demonstrated that there is a relationship between how we think and how we

behave. For example, if you view the child in hostile terms (“He is misbehaving because he hates

me — he likes to get me upset”), you are likely to become very angry. On the other hand, if your

thoughts emphasize your ability to cope (“I’m going to have to help him learn to control himself”),

this will help to bring about rational and effective responses. One of the first steps for improving

the way you think about your child is to replace upsetting thoughts and negative self-statements

with calming thoughts.

Handout

LEARNING SELF-CONTROL

Many family members find that in stressful situations they cannot maintain their self-control. Oth-

ers report they suffer from chronic anger, anxiety or depression, and they are easily set off by the

slightest event. However, when parents allow themselves to become so overwhelmed that they

overreact, the consequences can be unfortunate. Parents may say or do something they will regret. After they calm down, they may feel guilty and avoid dealing with the child for fear of repeating

the episode. It is frightening and anxiety-provoking for a child to see a parent lose control. Also,

the child learns to imitate these aggressive behaviors in other situations. These cycles of parental

overreaction and avoidance make it difficult to deal with the child in a consistent manner. The

best approach is to achieve a middle ground—not be so overwhelmed that you can’t respond or

so upset that you overreact.




Non-Constructive Thoughts

“John never helps. All I get is work, work,

work. I fix the food, take care of the house,the kids, everything. Boy, would I like to

throw this at him!”

“After working 10 hours, I’m tired and frus-

trated. When I get home, all I get are hassles.

The kids interrupt and yell, and Joan criticizes

me. This place is a mess. What does she do

all day? I feel like screaming or walking out

of here.”

Constructive Thoughts

“I’d better watch it and calm down before

I do something I’ll regret. What I need is

help. Maybe if I ask John in a nice way, he’llgive me some help. That’s the best way.

Then maybe I can have a relaxing bath.”

“Take it easy now. Take a few breaths.

What I really need is a few minutes of peace

to relax and read the paper. Maybe if I ask

Joan nicely to play with the kids while I read,

then I could give her a break and play with

the kids later. She needs a rest too. That’s

the most helpful way. I can already feel

myself relaxing.”

“I can handle this. I can stay in control.

“She’s just testing the limits. My job is to

stay calm and help her learn better ways.”

Handout

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER Identify and label your emotions when they first occur. Pay attention to how your body

feels (for example, tenseness, fidgeting, anger, headaches).

Decide what events make you feel frustrated.

Choose the most effective way to control yourself, and do it.

1.

2.

3.




Upsetting Thoughts Calming Thoughts

Handout

SELF-TALK IN PROBLEM SITUATIONS Identify a problem situation and the upsetting thoughts you have at the time. Write down some

alternative calming thoughts that you might use to redefine the situation. Next time you find

yourself using negative self-talk, give yourself some time to think positively and consider the alter-

natives available to you for dealing with the situation.

Problem Situation: ___________________________________




Write your own positive coping statements and

practice them during the week.




Handout

BEHAVIOR RECORD

Behaviors I want to see less of:

(e.g., yelling)

Positive opposite behavior I want to

see more of:

(e.g., polite voice)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.



Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton

Be polite.

Be prepared for testing.

Expect repeated learning trials.

Ignore child while in Time Out.

Support a partner’s use of Time Out.

Follow through with completing Time Out.

Use personal Time Out to relax and refuel energy.

Use Time Out consistently for chosen misbehaviors.

Monitor anger in order to avoid exploding suddenly; give warnings.

Give 5-minute Time Outs with 2 minutes of quiet at the end.

Carefully limit the number of behaviors for which Time Out is used

and use consistently.

Don’t threaten Time Out unless you’re prepared to follow through.

Use nonviolent approaches such as loss of privileges as a back-up

to Time Out.

Hold children responsible for cleaning messes in Time Out.Don’t rely exclusively on Time Out—use other discipline

techniques, such as, ignoring, logical consequences and problem-

solving for less severe misbehaviors.

Build up bank account with praise, love and support.

Use Time Out for destructive behaviors and times when your child’s

misbehavior cannot be ignored. Start by choosing just one behav-

ior to work on. When that behavior is no longer a problem, choose

another behavior to work on.

Give immediate Time Out for hitting and destructive acts, howeverfor noncompliance one warning may be given.

Ignore inappropriate behaviors such as screaming, whining teasing,

arguing, swearing and tantrums while the child is in Time Out.

Praise positive behavior as often as possible.

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REFRIGERATOR NOTES

ABOUT TIME OUT




R E F R I G E R A T O

R

N O T E S

A B O U T S T R E S S

A N D A N G E R

• S c a n y o u r b o d y f o r t e n s i o n , a n d b r e a t h e a n d r e l a x

o r

d o t h e e x e r c i s e s .

• N o t i c e a n y n e g a t i v

e s e l f - s t a t e m e n t s a n d r e p l a c e t h e m

w i t h s o o t h i n g s e l f -

e n c o u r a g e m e n t .

• A s k y o u r s e l f i f w h

a t i s m a k i n g y o u f e e l t e n s e i s r e -

a l l y t h a t i m p o r t a n t ? W i l l i t m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e a w e e k

f r o m n o w ? A y e a r

? W h e n y o u a r e 7 0 ?

• V i s u a l i z e s o m e m a

r v e l o u s p a s t e v e n t o r d r e a m o f t h e

f u t u r e .

• I n t h e m i d d l e o f c o

n i c t , b r e a t h e , c o o l o f f , g e t p l a y -

f u l , o r g e t a w a y f o r a f e w m i n u t e s .

• T a k e a b r e a k ( g o f o r a w a l k , t a k e a b a t h , r e a d a m a

g a -

z i n e ) .

P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u t C o n s e q u e

n c e s , P a r t 4




N O T E S

A B O U T S

T R E S S A N D A N G E R

• S c a n y o u

r b o d y f o r t e n s i o n , a n d b r e a t h e a n d r e l a x o r

d o t h e e x

e r c i s e s .

• N o t i c e a n

y n e g a t i v e s e l f - s t a t e m e n t s a n d r e p l a c e t h e m

w i t h s o o t h i n g s e l f - e n c o u r a g e m e n t .

• A s k y o u r

s e l f i f w h a t i s m a k i n g y o u f e e l t

e n s e i s r e -

a l l y t h a t i m p o r t a n t ? W i l l i t m a k e a d i f f e r

e n c e a w e e k

f r o m n o w

? A y e a r ? W h e n y o u a r e 7 0 ?

• V i s u a l i z e

s o m e m a r v e l o u s p a s t e v e n t o r d

r e a m o f t h e

f u t u r e .

• I n t h e m i

d d l e o f c o n i c t , b r e a t h e , c o o l o f

f , g e t p l a y -

f u l , o r g e

t a w a y f o r a f e w m i n u t e s .

• T a k e a b r

e a k ( g o f o r a w a l k , t a k e a b a t h , r e a d a m a g a -

z i n e ) .

P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u t C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 4

© C





T i m e O u

t f o r A g g r e s s i o n

C h i l d r

e n

A g e s

6 - 1

0

S c e n a r i o # 1 : C h i l d g o e s t o T i m e O u t .

C h i l d c a l m f o r

l a s t 2 m i n u t e s

C h i l d h i t s

C o m m a n d

“ Y o u h i t . Y o u n e e d

t o g o t o T . O . ”

( o n c h a i r f o r 4 - 5

m i n u t e s )

C h i l d g o e s t o T . O .

P a r e n t p r a i s e

s c h i l d ’ s

f r s t p o s i t i v e b

e h a v i o r .

“ T h a t ’ s s o f r i e n

d l y t h e

w a y y o u ’ r e s h a r i n g . ”

P a r e n t e n d s T . 0 . & r e e

n g a g e s c h i l d

“ Y o u r T . O .

i s f n i s h e d .

Y o u c a n p l a y w i t h y o u r

b l o c k s ”




5 m i n u t e s + e x t r a t i m e

e a r n

e d f o r d e l a y i n g , l a s t

2 m i n u t e s c h i l d i s c a l m

C h i l d g o e s t o T . O .

C h i l d h i t s

C o m m a n d


t o g o t o T . O . ”

C h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o

T . O .

“ T h a t i s o n e

e x t r a m i n u t e i n T i m e

O u t n o w . T h

a t ’ s 6 m i n u t e s . ”

( A d d t i m e u p

t o 9 m i n i f c h i l d

c o n t i n u e s t o

r e f u s e )

P a r e n t g i v e s w a r n i n g .

P a r e n t p r a i s e s c h i l d ’ s

f r s t p o s i t i v e b e h a v i o r .

“ T h a t ’ s s o f r i e n d l y t h e

w a y y o u ’ r e s h a r i n g . ”

P a r e n t e n d

s T . 0 . &

r e - e n g a g e s c h i l d

“ Y o u r T . O .

i s f

n i s h e d .

W o u l d y o u l i k e t o

m a k e c o o k i e s

? ”

S c e n a r i o # 2 B : C

h i l d i n i t i a l l y r e s i s t s g o i n g t o T i m e O u t .

H a n d l i n g M i s b e h

a v i o r P a r t 2 : V i g n e t t e s

1 4 - 1 5

S c

h o o l

A g e

C h i l d R

e s

i s t s G o

i n g

t o T i m e

O u

t

C h i l d r e n

A g e s

6 - 1

0




5 m i n u t e s + e

x t r a t i m e u p

t o 1 0 m i n , l a s

t 2 m i n u t e s

c h i l d i s c a l m

C h i l d g o e s

t o T . O .

C h i l d h i t s

C o m m a n d


t o g o t o T . O . ”

C

h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o T

. O .

“ T h a t i s o n e e x t r a m i n u t e i n T i m e

O u t n o w . ” ( A d d

t i m e u p t o 9 m i n

i f c h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s e a n d

g i v e w a r n i n g )

P a r e n t g i v e

s w a r n i n g .

P a r e n t p r a i s e s c h i l d ’ s

f r s t p o s i t i v e b e h a v i o r .

“ T h a t ’ s s o f r i e n

d l y t h e

w a y y o u ’ r e s h a

r i n g . ”

P a

r e n t e n d s T . 0 .

&

r e - e n g a g e s

c h

i l d

“ Y o

u r T . O .

i s f n i s h e d .

C o m e s e e w h a t I ’ v e

m a

d e f o r d e s s e r t . ” ”

S c e n a r i o # 2 C : C

h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s e t o g o t o T i m e

O u t .

S c h o o l A g

e C h i l d C o n t i n u e s t o R e s i s t G o i n g t o T i m

e O u t

C h i l d r e n

A g e s

6 - 1

0

“ T h a t ‘ s 1 0 m i n u

t e s n o w , i f y o u

d o n ’ t g o t o T i m e

O u t n o w y o u w i l l

l o s e T V t o n i g h t . ”

P a r e n t e x p l a i n s c

o n s e q u e n c e .

N o t e : i f c h i l d d o e s n o t g o w h e n c o n s e q u e n

c e i s e x p l a i n e d , p a r -

e n t f o l l o w s

t h r o u g h w i t h c o n s e q u e n c e , T i m

e O u t d r o p p e d .




C h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o T . O .

C h i l d h i t s

C o m m a n d


t o g o t o T . O . ”

C

h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o T

. O .

“ T h a t i s o n e e x t r a m i n u t e i n T i m e

O u t n o w . ” ( A d d

t i m e u p t o 9 m i n

i f c h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s e a n d

g i v e w a r n i n g )

P a r e n t g i v e

s w a r n i n g .

P a r e n t f o l l o w s

t h r o u g h w i t h c o n s

e q u e n c e

& i g n o r e s p r o t e s t s .

N o t e : c o n s e q u e n c e

s h o u l d b e c a r r i e d o

u t

s a m e d a y .

P

a r e n t e n d s

p o w e r s t r u g g l e

“ Y o u ’ v e l o s t

y

o u r T V p r i v i l e g e s . ”

( T i m e O u t i s d r o p p e d )

S c e n a r i o # 2 D : C

h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s

e t o g o t o T i m e

O u t .

C h i l d

r e n

A g e s

6 - 1

0

“ T h a t ‘ s 1 0 m i n u

t e s n o w , i f y o u

d o n ’ t g o t o T i m e

O u t n o w y o u w i l l

l o s e T V t o n i g h t . ”

P a r e n t e x p l a i n s

c o n s e q u e n c e .

H a n d l i n g M i s b e h

a v i o r P a r t 2 : V i g n e t t e 1 6

S

c h o o l A g e C h

i l d R e f u s e s T

i m e O u t




• CHOOSE A SPECIFIC MISBEHAVIOR to work on by USING Time

Out; for example, ghting or hitting. Write the results on the “Record

Sheet: Commands and Time Out” handout.

• Choose a positive behavior (the opposite of the behavior which will be

timed-out) to systematically give attention to through the use of praise,

reinforcement and comments.

• Describe a situation in which the child continues to misbehave, and try to

analyze why this is happening. Bring this to the next session.

• Read the handouts on caring days, losing control, and new problems.

Read Chapter 6, Time Out and Chapter 12 Time Out from Stress and Anger inThe Incredible Years book.


To Read:





CARING DAYS

Strengthening Support Between Partners

Marital discord can make it very difficult for parents to be effective in managing their children’s

behavior. The following exercise is designed to strengthen your relationship.

Identify 10 to 20 “caring” behaviors that your spouse could do that you would enjoy. Ask your

spouse to do this also. List these behaviors on a piece of paper and post them. Each day you

and your spouse should try to select one or two items from the list and do them for one another.These caring behaviors should be (a) positive, (b) specific, (c) small, and (d) something that is not

the subject of a recent conflict.

Examples: Ask how I spent the day and listen.

Offer to get the cream or sugar for me.

Listen to “mood music” when we set the clock radio to go to sleep.

Hold my hand when we go for walks.

Massage my back.

Arrange for a baby-sitter and go out.

Let me work late one night without a hassle.

Have a quiet dinner without the children. Offer to watch the children while I make dinner, read the newspaper, etc.

Allow me to sleep in one morning on the weekend.

By doing this exercise, you will obtain a record of each other’s efforts and become more observant

of how the other person tries to please. We have noticed that parents are often quite willing to

please their partner if they understand precisely what their partner wants and know that their ef-

forts will be recognized.

Support for Single Parents

If you do not have a partner, it is important to arrange some “caring days” for yourself. You

could do this by developing a list of pleasurable things you would like to do for yourself. Each

week pick some of the items from your list to give yourself.

Examples: Have dinner with a friend.

Go to a movie.

Arrange for a back rub.

Take a piano lesson.

Walk to the park.

Have a bubble bath.

Buy and read a fun magazine.

It is also important for single parents to set up a support system. This might be done by meet-

ing regularly with other parents, close friends, or family members. Organizations such as Parents

Without Partners, church groups, recreational groups, and political groups can be sources of sup-port and stimulation.




Handout

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUFEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING CONTROL

1. Step back from the situation for a moment and ask yourself:

• What is my goal?

• What am I doing now?

• Is what I am doing helping me to reach my goal?

• What do I need to do differently?

2. Practice the relaxation technique:

• Slow down your breathing. • Count from one to ten as far as you are able to in a single breath.

• Repeat deep, slow inhaling and exhaling while counting until you

feel relaxed.

3. Recognize your upsetting thoughts. Rephrase these thoughts into alterna-

tive, calming thoughts. For example:

Upsetting Thoughts

“That child is a monster. That is ridicu-lous. He’ll never change.”

“I’m sick of being this mad. Things

are going to change around here, or

else.”

Calming Thoughts

“This is a child who is testing to seeif he can get his own way. My job is

to stay calm an d help him learn better

ways to behave.”

“I need to talk to Michael about

leaving his clothes lying around. If

we discuss this constructively and

calmly we should be able to reach a

good solution.




Handout

WHAT TO DO WHEN NEW PROBLEMS ARISE

“Relapses” of misbehaviors are normal , so be prepared for them! Often a relapseis triggered by some type of crisis or change in family life (illness, death, vaca-

tion, new job, financial stress). This generally results in an increase in children’s

inappropriate behaviors. The following are some ways to reinstate the program

and get yourself on track again.

1. Set up a time when you are not upset to talk about the problem with your

partner, a friend, or to think quietly on your own.

2. Clarify what child behaviors you want and don’t want.

3. List the problems from most to least important. Concentrate on dealing

with only the most pressing problem.

4. Brainstorm as many solutions as possible (review handouts):

Reinforcements

(praise, tangible rewards, play sessions)

Discipline

(ignore, Time Out, loss of privileges, work chores, logical

consequences, problem solving)

Techniques that help parents maintain self-control

(self-talk, relaxation)

5. Monitor weekly progress, and revise the program when necessary.

6. Reinforce your efforts.

Remember : There is a tendency for parents to use strategies with short-term

benefits (for example, obtaining immediate compliance by yelling, hitting or

criticizing the child) that have long-term negative consequences (the child learns

to yell and hit instead of using nonviolent approaches to solving problems). Par-

ents need to use skills such as praising and ignoring literally hundreds of times

in order to change children’s behavior, and this takes a lot of work. Over thelong run, however, this approach teaches children how to behave appropriately,

builds essential skills for getting along with others, and fosters children’s positive

self-image. This is a little like flossing your teeth — you need to keep doing it

to realize the long-term benefits!




MAINTAINING OBJECTIVITY Another approach to maintaining self-control is to ask yourself during

moments of conflict whether what you are doing is helping you reach

your goal.

• What is my goal? (for my child to improve his behavior)

• What am I doing now? (getting angry)

• Is what I’m doing helping me reach my goal? (no, we’re arguing)

• If it isn’t, what do I need to do differently? (relax, take some time to

think about what is going on, and clearly state what I want)

RELAXATION PROCEDURESMany people must learn to relax before they can control their self-state-

ments. The following is a relaxation procedure that can be learned without

extensive training.

1. Get comfortable in your chair. Close your eyes.

2. Become aware of your breathing.

3. As you breathe in and out, slow your breathing down.

4. As you slow down your breathing, with your next deep breath slowly

count from 1 to 10 as far as you are able to in that single breath.

5. Now exhale slowly, and count from 1 to 10 again until you are out of

breath.

6. Visualize yourself calm and in control.

7. Tell yourself that you are doing a good job and making progress.

8. Repeat this deep, slow inhaling and exhaling while counting, until

you feel relaxed.

Remember, there will be times when it is difficult to use these self-control

techniques. Relapses are to be expected. With practice, however, you

will find it much easier to relax.




H o m e A c t i v i t i e s

R E C O R D S H E E T : C O M M A N D S A N D

T i m e O u t

D a t e

T i m e

C o m

m a n

d / W a r n

i n g

C h i l d ’ s R e s p o n s e

R e w a r d

/ A t t e n

d

T i m e

O u

t C h a i r

U s e o

f R o o m

f o r

C o m p

l i a n c

e

D u r a

t i o n




Scenario #1

Anger Trap:

Who Is Reinforced for What Behavior?

Parent Request:"Turn the TV off now,

it's time for bed."

Child:

"No, I won't. I'm in themiddle of a show."

Parent Threat:"If you don't go to bed

now, I'll give you a

smacking."

Child:"You butt-head."(and grudgingly

turns off TV)

Parent (angry):

"Don't you ever talk tome like that!"

(Wait 5 seconds.)




Scenario #2

Avoidance Trap:


Parent:"Turn the TV off now,

it's time for bed."

Child:"No I won't. I'm in the

middle of a show."

Parent Withdraws:(thinks to self, "I don't want

to cause a scene.")"Well, okay. Leave him

there, I don't care."

Child continuesto watch TV.




Brainstorm

It is important to think about what behaviors will result in Time Out ahead of time. That way,when the behavior occurs, you are prepared to follow through with the Time Out. It is alsoimportant for children to know which behaviors will result in Time Out. Try brainstormingsome of these here:

Behaviors Appropriate for Time Out to Calm Down

e.g., hitting others

Be sure to define what you mean by hitting. Redirection and distractions usu-ally work to separate children and get them focused on something else. How-ever, violent and hurtful hitting should have immediate removal of child to aTime Out spot where s/he cannot hurt another child. Remember to practicein advance how to calm down in Time Out by taking deep breaths and telling yourself, “I can do it, I can calm down.”




Brainstorm

Pros and Cons of Time Out to Calm Down

Think about the advantages to Time Out and write them down on your notepad.

List the disadvantages.

Time Out to Calm Down

advantages

disadvantages

Considerations

Thinking About Time Out Advantages and Disadvantages

Look at the lists and notice who the advantages are to and who experiences the disadvantages

(child or parent). Also look at whether the disadvantages are short term or long term for you or

your child.




Brainstorm

Think about ways to stay calm, assertive and patient when using Time Out.

Practice challenging negative self-talk and substituting positive self-talk and copingstatements. On your notepad, write down some self-talk that you can use when you feel anger mounting.

Positive Self-Talk

I can handle this…

I can control my anger…

I will take a brief Time Out myself…

Challenge irrational thoughts




Brainstorm

What emotional responses do you experience when using Time Out? Parents often havetrouble controlling their anger when dealing with a child’s aggression or oppositionalbehavior, and find it hard not to criticize the child. This emotional involvement can make it difficultto ignore your child’s arguments or to praise compliance when it finally does occur. What strategiescould you use to stay calm? Write them on your notepad.

My emotional responses when

giving Time Out

Strategies to stay calm




Scenario #3

Justifi cation Trap:

Who Gets Reinforced for What Behavior?

Parent Request:"Turn off the TV now,

it is time for bed."

Child:

"No, I won't. I'm in themiddle of a show."

Parent Explains:"Come on now, if you

don't go to bed, you will

be tired in the morning.

You will have troublegetting up in the morning

and will be grumpy."

Child:

"I'll be fine. I won't

be tired."

Parent:"Yes, you will be tired,

you won't get up when Icall you and will miss

breakfast and notconcentrate in school."




Scenario #4

Giving In Trap:


Parent:

"Come to dinner,

please."

Child:

"What's for dinner?"

Parent:

"Meatloaf."

Child:

"Yuck, I hate meat loaf.

I won't eat it."

Parent:

"Want some cereal?"



U s

i n g T i m e O u t

f o r C o m p l i a n

c e T r a i n i n g

Y o u n

g e r C h i l d

“ Y

o u c a n w a l k t o T i m e O u t l i k e a b i g b o y / g i r l

o r I ’ l l t a k e y o u t h e r e . ”

O l d e

r C h i l d

A d d 1 m i n u t e a t a t i m e , u p t o 9 m

i n u t e s .

A t 9 m i n u t e s , t a k e a w a y a p r i v i l e g e .

“ G o t o

T

i m e O u t ”

W h e n t i m e o u t

i s o v e r , r e p e a t

t h e c o m m a n d

W a i t

5

s e c o n

d s

P r a i s e

C o m p l i e s

B r i e f , p o l i t e ,

s t

a r t u p c o m m a n d

C

o m m a n d

T r a n s i t i o

n

S t a t e m e n t

“ I n 5 m i n u t e s .

. . . ”

C h i l d r e f u s e s

t

o g o t o

t

i m e o u t

W

a i t 5

s e

c o n d s C

o m p l i e s

P r a i s e

I f

… T h e n …

W

a r n i n g

D o e s n ’ t

C o m p l y

S a f e ,

b o r i n g p l a c e

N o A t t e n t i o n f r o m a n y o n e

1 m i n u t e p e r y e a r o f a g e

u p t o 5 m i n u t e s

D

o e s n ’ t

C

o m p l y

C h i l d c o m e s

o u t b e f o r e

i t ’ s o v e r

“ I

f y o u c a n ’ t s t a y i n t h e

T i m e O u t C h a i r ( p l a c e ) ,

t h e n y o u ’ l l g o t o t h e

T i m e O u t R o o m . ”

H a n d l i n g M i s b

e h a v i o r , # # # # # # #

©

T h e I n c r e d i b

l e Y e a r s C u r r i c u l u m

P a r t

4




•

N o

t i c e w

h e n y o u

r c

h i l d i s s t a r t i n g

t o g e

t f r u s t r a t e

d

a n

d a n g r y .

•

E n c o u r a g e y o u r c

h i l d t o t a l k a

b o u

t h i s o r

h e r

f e e

l i n g

s .

•

C u e y o u r c

h i l d b

y s a y

i n g ,

“ T e

l l y o u r s e

l f t o S T O

P ,

c a

l m

d o w n ,

a n d

t a k e

t h r e e

b i g b r e a

t h s .

”

•

E n c o u r a g e y o u r

c h i l d t o u s e p o s i t i v e s e

l f - t a l k b y

s a y

i n g ,

“ T e l l y o u r s e l f , ‘ I c a n c a l m d o w n ; I c a

n

h a n d l e t h i s , ’ ”

o r “ E v e r y o n e m a k e s m i s t a k e

s ;

w i t h p r a c t i c e I

c a n d o i t . ”

•

P r a

i s e y o u r c

h i l d ’ s s e

l f - c o n

t r o l a n

d a p p r o p r i a

t e e

x -

p r e s s i o n o

f f e e l i n

g s w

h e n e v e r y o u n o

t i c e

i t .

•

M o

d e

l s e

l f - c o n t r o

l a n

d a p p r o p r i a

t e f e e

l i n g

t a l k .


F O R T E A C H I N G

C H I L D R E N T O

M A N A G E T H

E I R A N G E R

P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u t C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 4


P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u

t C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 4


•

N o

t i c e w

h e n y o u r c

h i l d i s s t a r t i n g

t o g e

t f r u s t r a

t e d

a n

d a n g r y .

•

E n c o u r a

g e y o u r c h

i l d t o t a l k a

b o u

t h i s o r

h e r

f e e

l i n g s .

•

C u e y o u r c

h i l d b y s a y

i n g ,

“ T e

l l y o u r s e

l f t o S T O P ,

c a

l m d o

w n ,

a n

d t a k e

t h r e e

b i g b r e a

t h s . ”

•

E n c o u r a g e y o u r c

h i l d t o u s e p o s i t i v e

s e l f - t a l k b y

s a y

i n g ,

“ T e l l y o u r s e l f , ‘ I c a n c a l m d o

w n ; I c a n

h a n d l e

t h i s , ’ ” o r “ E v e r y o n e m a k e s

m i s t a k e s ;

w i t h p

r a c t i c e I c a n d o i t . ”

•

P r a

i s e y

o u r c

h i l d ’ s s e

l f - c o n

t r o l a n

d a p p r o p r i a

t e e x -

p r e s s i o n

o f f e e

l i n g s w

h e n e v e r y o u n o t i c e

i t .

•

M o

d e l s e

l f - c o n

t r o l a n

d a p p r o p r i a

t e f e e l i n g

t a l k

.

R E F

R I G E R A T O R N O T E S

F O R T E

A C H I N G C H I L D R E N T O

M A N A G E T H E I R A N G E R




T i n y ’ s

A n g e r M a n a g e

m e n t S t e p s




Yelling

Hitting

Threatening

Withdrawing

Stonewalling

Criticizing

Difficulty listening

Thinking narrow

Less open to new ideas

Calm

Pleasant

Able to problem-solve

Able to listen

Physiological

Signs

Behaviors Feelings

Furious

Contemptuous

Angry

Defensive

Guilt

Withdrawn

Frustrated

Depression

Irritated

Anxious

Worried

Alert/Interested

Receptive/Open to

Influence/Flexible

Calm

Happy

Confident

Content

Loving/Affectionate

Heart racing

Neck muscles tight

Chest Tight

Clenched fists

Teeth clenched

Headache

Shallow rapid breathing

Increased perspiration

Muscles tense

Pacing

Headache developing




Feelings

Furious

Contemptuous

Angry

Defensive

Guilt

Withdrawn

Frustrated

Depression

Irritated

Anxious

Worried

Alert/Interested

Receptive/Open to

Influence/Flexible

Calm

Happy

Confident

Content

Loving/Affectionate

I’m so mad I could hurt…

S/he deserves to be…

S/he is no good/rotten.

What did I do to deserve…

It’s not my fault; it’s his/hers.S/he’s just like…

I was never like this.

I think s/he’ll end up in jail.

I don’t have time to deal with this.

I’m a bad parent (partner). I’m hopeless

Why me? This is too stressful.

It’s not working to stay calm.

It’s useless…

There’s no point in doing anything for him/her.

It never helps.No matter what I do, nothing changes.

S/he just throws it back at me.

I deserve this for what I did when…

My parents told me I was…(a criticism)

What’s going to happen when s/he’s a teenager?

I’m getting stressed; I need to take a personal Time Out.

Maybe this is too much for me to handle.

Maybe I’m not a good parent/spouse.I’m not sure I can do this.

When change occurs, it’s supposed to get worse

before it gets better.

I can make a difference to our future.

Stress is a normal part of any relationship.

This stage won’t last forever. Things will get better.

I can handle this; I can control my anger.

I can teach him to…

Problems occur so we can all learn to manage conflict.

I can talk to him about…and come up with some solutions.

We’ll manage; we all need learning trials.

Everyone makes mistakes.

I can help by…

His/her positive qualities are…

I’m a caring parent/partner because I’m trying by…

I stay calm most of the time.

I enjoy being with him/her, especially when we…

I love (appreciate)…

Self-Talk



Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton

Continue using Time Out for aggressive behaviors.

Use the principle of “logical consequences” or privilege removal or work

chore for a misbehavior that occurs during the week and write the results

on the Record Sheet: Logical Consequences handout.

Choose a positive behavior to systematically give attention to through the

use of praise, reinforcement, and comments.

Describe a situation in which the child continues to misbehave, and try to

analyze why this is happening.

Chapter Seven, Natural and Logical Consequences, in The Incredible Years.

•

•

•

•


To Read:





Parents Working Like Detectives: See What You’ve Learned!

Make a list of what strategies you would use for the following misbehaviors. Add

other misbehaviors you are wanting to manage.

Misbehavior Discipline Strategy

1. Hitting and shoving ______________________________

2. Refusal to do what parent asks ______________________________

3. Stealing ______________________________

4. Lying ______________________________

5. Refusing to do homework ______________________________

6. Not being home after school on time ______________________________

7. Smart talk/arguing ______________________________

8. Resisting doing homework ______________________________

9. Stomach aches and headaches ______________________________

10. Inattentiveness and impulsivity ______________________________

11. Leaving family room in a mess ______________________________










12. Criticizing / ghting with a sibling ______________________________

13. Chores not done ______________________________

14. Missing school bus ______________________________

15. Leaving bike, other toys, and ______________________________other sports equipment outside

16. Exploding in anger / screaming ______________________________

17. Watching too much TV or computer games ______________________________

18. Hiding notes from the teacher ______________________________

19. Acting like a younger child ______________________________

20. Refusing to go to bed at bedtime ______________________________

21. Phone calls to/from friends when ______________________________homework/chores not nished

22. Swearing ______________________________




Handout

RECORD SHEET: LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES

Example of Logical Consequences Child’s Response

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- loss of computer privilege for evening

(TV or telephone also options)




Handout

RECORD SHEET: WORK CHORES

Example of Work Chores Child’s Response

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- 30 minutes of work (e.g., vacuum

downstairs, sort laundry, wash

windows, rake leaves)




Write your own positive coping statements and

practice them during the week.




Upsetting Thoughts Calming Thoughts

Handout

SELF-TALK IN PROBLEM SITUATIONS Identify a problem situation and the upsetting thoughts you have at the time. Write down some

alternative calming thoughts that you might use to redefine the situation. Next time you find

yourself using negative self-talk, give yourself some time to think positively and consider the alter-

natives available to you for dealing with the situation.

Problem Situation: ___________________________________





N O T E S

A B O U T N A T U R A L A N D

L O G I C A L C O N S E

Q U E N C E S

P r o g r a m 1 0 : L o g i c a l C o n s e q u e n c

e s , P a r t 5



R E F R I G E

R A T O R N O T E S

A B O U T N

A T U R A L A N D

L O G I C A L

C O N S E Q U E N C E S

• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s a g e - a p p r o p r i a t e a n d f a i r .

• B e s u r e y o u

c a n l i v e w i t h c o n s e q u e n c e s y o u s e t u p .

• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s i m m e d i a t e .

• G i v e c h i l d c

h o i c e o f c o n s e q u e n c e a h e a d o f t i m e .

• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e n a t u r a l a n d n o n p u n i t i v e .

• I n v o l v e c h i l d w h e n e v e r p o s s i b l e .

• B e f r i e n d l y a n d p o s i t i v e .

• U s e c o n s e q u e n c e s t h a t a r e s h o r t a n d t o t h e p o i n t .

• Q u i c k l y o f f e r n e w l e a r n i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o b e

s u c c e s s f u l .

R e m e m b e r o n

c e t h e c o n s e q u e n c e i s c o m p l e t e d t o s t a r t o v e r

f r e s h w i t h a c l e a n s l a t e .

P r o g r a m 1 0 : L o g i c a l C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 5

© C


• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s a g e - a p p r o p r i a t e a n d f a i r .

• B e s u r e y o u c a n l i v e w i t h c o n s e q u e n c e s y o u s e t u p .

• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s i m m e d i a t e .

• G i v e c h i l d c h o i c e o f c o n s e q u e n c e a h e a d o f t i m e .

• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e n a t u

r a l a n d n o n p u n i t i v e .

• I n v o l v e c h i l d w h e n e v e r

p o s s i b l e .

• B e f r i e n d l y a n d p o s i t i v e .

• U s e c o n s e q u e n c e s t h a t a r e s h o r t a n d t o t h e p o i n t .

• Q u i c k l y o f f e r n e w l e a r n

i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o b e

s u c c e s s f u l .

R e m e m b e r o n c e t h e c o n s

e q u e n c e i s c o m p l e t e d t o s t a r t o v e r

f r e s h w i t h a c l e a n s l a t e

.








1. Hitting and shoving ______________________________

2. Refusal to do what parent asks ______________________________

3. Stealing ______________________________

4. Lying ______________________________

5. Refusing to do homework ______________________________

6. Not being home after school on time ______________________________

7. Smart talk/arguing ______________________________

8. Resisting doing homework ______________________________

9. Stomach aches and headaches ______________________________

10. Inattentiveness and impulsivity ______________________________

11. Leaving family room in a mess ______________________________









12. Criticizing / ghting with a sibling ______________________________

13. Chores not done ______________________________

14. Missing school bus ______________________________

15. Leaving bike, other toys, and ______________________________other sports equipment outside

16. Exploding in anger / screaming ______________________________

17. Watching too much TV or computer games ______________________________

18. Hiding notes from the teacher ______________________________

19. Acting like a younger child ______________________________

20. Refusing to go to bed at bedtime ______________________________

21. Phone calls to/from friends when ______________________________

Documents

Basic School Age Program 10 Handouts