First Tobacco ceremony (Fri afternoon)With Victor NietoDrinking special tobacco mixture and vomiting. Mostly for purging before Ayahuasca ceremony tonight

First Ayahuasca Ceremony (Fri evening)With Victor Nieto

Victor is opening the ceremony. It is around 10 PM. We are all (around 15 of us) sitting around hall, leaning against the walls. He is lighting special tobacco, purifying the space.

Taking half of glass (like for shooters) of Ayahuasca in front of Victor and then getting back to my place. After a while he starts singing ikaros (songs of Ayahuasca). I can’t feel anything yet… After half an hour or so he offers more Ayahuasca for those who want. I am taking another half a glass and this time it starts working straight away. I can feel my body starts buzzing and my mind unraveling. Victor starts ikaros again (they are all different) and it takes me with it! I start thinking that there are so many of me – different ones. Who do I want to be? Which one? Every moment of my life I choose to act in certain way. I do have a choice to choose my reactions and behavior.

Touching my face with fingers, exploring, like I feel it for the first time. Thinking: is this how I look like? Is this (body) where I am?

Seeing myself as a little girl. She is so magical. Such a beauty, so precious. I can feel so much love from both of my parents towards me. They love that little girl do much. I choose to be the best parent ever to this beautiful, magical girl.

I am becoming aware of the room around me and seeing silhouettes of people moving – they look quite different than their physical bodies. They look more like elongated white figures. Victor, who is singing and walking in the middle of the room, looks huge and tall, like an old Indian shaman with crest of eagle feathers all along his back. He is truly an ancient shaman.

As Victor is singing ikaros the universe in front of my eyes dances and whirls in beautiful bright fractal patterns. Rotating and making figure eights, forming mandalas, winding and unwinding constantly. Whole galaxy is dancing to ikaros! I can see the sound vibrations making lines and patterns. I have the biggest smile on my face for a long time.

My body feels so weak, can’t even lift my arm. And the I had to go to the toilet! Some people vomit occasionally and some, like me, go the other route. I felt so much buzzing that I had to be helped there. My body was so weak. Victor helped me with breathing techniques which helped a lot.

I am getting in and out of the visions. Feels almost like practicing mindfulness. I can be back in the room and I can go along with ikaros into the visions. I am doing that for a while – in and out (like focus and un-focus). And then I realize that visions are so beautiful that I want to be with them. I feel safe to go with it!

When intensity subsided a little, I started thinking about my immediate past and future – couple of days before and after the ceremony. Just analyzing and thinking. Then I managed to come back again into the room and focus on ikaros more. No more visuals now…

Ceremony lasted probably around 4-5 hours. Last hour or so I was not so much peaking any more. Afterwards most of us stayed lying down in the hall. Some still buzzing, some just resting. Some soothing music was played and slowly sleep came. As I lied down I started getting nauseous. Eventually, I vomited and felt more grounded afterwards.

Second Tobacco ceremony (Sat afternoon)With Victor NietoPhysically same as previous. Afterwards we were resting and lying down in our rooms or outside. Now I got some pretty intense realizations. Lying in my bed, I realised how much love I am surrounded with! There is so much love in me to give! Every cell in my body is filled with love and radiating! All is love! Love is in the air around me. As I breathe, I receive love and as I breathe out, I give love. All the energy in the universe is pure love! Love is the essence of all! Second Ayahuasca Ceremony (Sat evening)With Victor NietoJust half a glass tonight and it’s working straight away – as soon as Victor starts singing the ikaros.

Feeling love all around. Breathing deeply with my mouth open all that love in the air. Like I was thirsty for it for so long!

My facial expressions are changing. I am moving my lips and face into snake. Becoming a snake. Pushing my upper lip forward. Feeling the snake energy. Hissing…Then changing into jaguar. My lower lip going down, exposing teeth. My jaw is moving as well. My whole head is so heavy, but my face is animated.

Culmination comes when one of the songs brings on the patterns again and I start feeling them deeply flowing into my body, especially arms. There is so much energy flowing from my center through my arms and legs. My arms hurt. I feel like my healing hands are being activated. I want the song to stop, it is too much to handle. My hole being is trembling and my physical body is vibrating at such a rate that I don’t know how it keeps together. The most intense physical sensations ever! Calling on mother earth to help me, I am her child! I am thinking this is how it feels like to fully experience my spirit, while I am still in physical body. No wonder we are so ignorant to it (our spirit) while in this body. It is so magnificent (our spirit self) that we can barely contain it! It is too much for our bodies to experience on this dense level.

At the end of each song (ikaros) Victor makes a whooshing sound and that somehow freezes the vision which stays static then for a while. Then slowly it dissolves into silence (just blackness). When he starts another song it lifts me up straight away. Like someone turned on the fireworks!

Slowly and gradually visions subside and at the end I am just resting, not wanting to take more ayahuasca. Think my body has had enough. Being gentle to it now. Just breathing.

After the ceremony going to sleep. Didn’t get sick tonight. Very calm. Full of gentle energy of love. I think I was breathing heavily through my wide-open mouth throughout the ceremony.

What an experience!

Will do it again for sure. For now there is still so much to process. I can still feel ayahuasca in my system (Thursday). Gentle knowing that everything is love permeates my life…