If you are receiving this newsletter for the first time, it is because someone

has told us it might be helpful for you. We hope it is. We also invite you

to our monthly meetings at Hayes Barton Baptist Church. At these meet-

ings you may talk or choose not to say a word. There are no fees or dues.

We are sorry you have had to experience the death of a child (or chil-

dren) but we are here for you. We, too, are on this journey of grief and

extend our hearts and arms to you.

October 2016

Inside this Issue:

Love Gifts In Memory of Corey Haddon

2

Speaking from the Heart Masques

3

Loving Memory of Joe Lawley Worldwide Candle Lighting

4

Making Progress In Memory of Kimberly Johnson

5

Musings on Halloween 6

In Memory of Amanda Wall I’ve Lost Two Children

7

The Wisdom of Darcie Sims 8

Shared Thoughts on Fear Halloween Magic Fable

9

Phone and E-Mail List 10

Our October Children 11

The Wake County Chapter meets every second and fourth Tuesday of the month at Hayes Barton Baptist Church, 1800 Glenwood Avenue, at the corner of Glenwood Avenue and Whitaker Mill Road at Five Points in Raleigh. Enter from Whitaker Mill Road into Main Entrance of the Fam-ily Life Center which is attached to

and behind the church. Ask direc-tions to TCF meeting room at desk just inside the entrance door.

Tuesday, October 11th — The meeting will start at 7:30 pm.

Tuesday, October 25th — The meeting will start at 7:30 pm.

Attention: The Compassionate Friends meet in Room 224 on the2nd Floor of the Church Building. Go left past Information Desk and at the end of the long hallway turn right. Then half way down this hallway take elevator on the right to 2nd floor. Meeting room is across from the elevator.

If this is your first Newsletter

AUTUMN TEARS

We look back on September and we realize that somehow we made it through those dreaded

first days of school. Whether it was the anticipation or the actual days that were the worst, we

survived. We used our faith, our support systems or just plain hard work and made it over yet another

hurdle. We watched small children heading for their first day of kindergarten, listened to excited teen-

agers talk of high school, and heard stories of children leaving home to attend post-secondary school.

Somehow we rode the waves of grief and found ourselves ashore again. As these waves subside new

ones will build as we head into the holidays that speak of, and to, children. Halloween will soon

approach and for some, painful memories. Thanksgiving arrives to exemplify family and togetherness

and Christmas looms ahead. These special days are forever reminders of our loss… the costumes we'll

never sew, the empty chair at turkey dinner, the fun and magic we'll never share with

someone we love. Forever reminders that our child has died.

To survive when these events and anniversary days come around let's find time to think of the

good memories we have… the announcement of our long awaited pregnancy at Thanksgiving

dinner, the look of excitement on our son's first Halloween night, the vision of our daughter

helping prepare the turkey dinner. These holidays will always be reminders that our

child died — let us also make them reminders that our child lived!

They left us memories more precious than any others to hold and celebrate.

Penny Young, TCF Powel River, B.C.

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Please send Love Gifts to: Love Gifts — Wake County Chapter, The Compassionate Friends,

P.O. Box 6602, Raleigh, NC 27628-6602

Please e-mail pictures, articles & poems for newsletter to pattie.grif@gmail.com or Pattie Griffin, 30 Shepherd St, Raleigh NC 27607. Need by 26th for next month newsletter.

I N M E M O R Y OCTOBER LOVE GIFTS

Gifts Given In Loving Memory Of Children

Todd and Jeanne Alderson

In Loving Memory of Our Son

Jeff Alderson

Tito and Karen Castaneda

In Loving Memory of Our Son

Timothy Justin Castaneda

Chap, Diane, Erin, Dan and Maria Haddon

In Loving Memory of Our Daughter and Sister

Corey Chapman Haddon

Don and Rebecca Jones

In Loving Memory of Our Daughter

Amanda R. Wall

David and Nancy Turlington

In Loving Memory of Our Son

Charles Thomas “Chuck” Turlington

With loving thoughts and memories

of our precious daughter Corey

Love, Mom & Dad

Corey Chapman Haddon

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L O V E I was, still am -

the best part of you.

You are, will always be - the best part of me.

LOVE

Carried in the womb, Now cradled in the heart.

LOVE

Never ends…

Moments Of Time — Held, Eternal, Remembered

By Pamela Hagen

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Speaking from the Heart September 2016 by Alan Pedersen

I swear it was just a week or so ago when we filled the swimming pool anxiously an-ticipating the cool refreshing splashes awaiting us in the dog days of summer. Wasn’t it just a few days before we filled the pool when we put the garden in? Where did the time go? How can it be that

there is a big yellow school bus parked at the end of my street dropping off children every afternoon? Why is it that my body feels the sharpness of change even though it has been years since my own children were picked up or dropped off by a big yellow school bus?

It is quite remarkable how once we have experienced pro-found loss, we carry within us an embedded calendar deep in our soul. We do not need to see the proof of leaves falling, snow melting, flowers blooming or days getting shorter to tell us what season of the year it is. Those of us on this grief jour-ney need only to close our eyes and take a breath to feel ex-actly what time of year it is.

Back-to-school brings triggers for many of us of that first day when we dropped them off and didn’t want them to see us cry so we bravely held our tears until they were out of sight. Back-to-school reminds us of the annual ritual of buying school supplies and clothes that had to be trendier and more in fashion with each passing year. Back-to-school reminds us that soon leaves will be falling and we will face Halloween without them as a collage of all of the different costumes they wore in Halloween’s past will dance through our head again and again.

Back-to-school reminds us that grief is a lifelong merry-go-round where the world constantly changes and stays the same simultaneously. Back-to-school reminds us that we are griev-ing, that as much as we have made progress we still feel the pain of loss. Back-to-school is an extra sensitive time of year for many of us, something which those outside of The Com-passionate Friends don’t fully understand.

Back-to-school is a great time to connect with others who

share a similar loss. We need each other all of the time, but there are certain times when we need each other even more. I hope all of you who are able will attend your next Chapter

meeting or share a post on our Facebook page or in an online chat so you can reach out to those who may be new and in excruciating pain at the sight of that yellow school bus. I hope

you will express your feelings to another in grief so they can reach out to you and remind you that you are not crazy for having that pit in your stomach as the first leaves hit the ground this fall.

I hope that you will reach out to The Compassionate Friends at any time of the year so that you are reminded that you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Thanks for the honor of allowing me to serve as your Executive Director,

Alan

Alan Pedersen alan@compassionatefriends.org 877-969-0010 ext. 308

Taken from TCF E-Newsletter September 2016

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From TCF We Need Not Walk Alone Spring/Summer 2016

In loving memory Joe Lawley

Sadly, The Compassionate Friends lost one of their founder par-ents when Joe Lawley died on June 13, 2016. Joe was a c h a r m i n g ,

lovely and loquacious gentleman who took great pride in sharing the story of how TCF came to be and the part that he and his wife Iris, and Bill and Joan Henderson, along with Reverend Simon Stephens, played in its begin-nings in Coventry, England.

Joe and Iris Lawley lost their son Kenneth to a car crash, and Bill and Joan Henderson, lost their son Billy to cancer, three days a part, in May of 1969 at Coventry and Warwickshire Hos-pital. Reverend Simon Stephens was the assistant to the Chaplain there. As he was standing with the group praying for Kenneth at his bedside, Reverend Stephens said simply, "If I can help....I am here, all of the time." He also made Joe aware of the Hender-son's whose son Billy was dying. After Billy died, Joe mentioned to Iris about his death, and Iris sug-gested that they send flowers to Billy's funeral. As Joe states, "We did not then know the signifi-cance of that act, but looking back, it might be said that The Compassionate Friends started there. Joan and Bill telephoned their thanks and we met for a cup of tea."

Reverend Stephens kept in close contact with Joe and Iris, Bill and Joan, and noticed how much comfort the Lawley's and the Henderson's received from each other each time they met around one of their kitchen ta-bles. Together, openly, they could share Kenneth's and Billy's lives, the sadness, pain and dev-astation of their deaths, the loss of dreams for their sons, and un-ashamedly cry together… and when any of them would nod their head and say, "I under-stand", they all knew that they truly did. Reverend Stephens said, "You are helping each other in a way which I, and virtually everyone else, am unable to do, because of your shared experi-ence; do you think it could work with other bereaved parents?" The names and stories of other bereaved parents whom Rev. Stephens encountered at the hospital were shared with Joe and the first actual meeting of TCF, with six in attendance, took place on January 28, 1969, in a small room at the hospital where Kenneth Lawley and Billy Hender-son died.

It was decided that they needed a name for this group of bereaved parents. And as Joe tells it, "The word 'compassion' had featured frequently in our conversation, and eventually The Society of the Compassionate Friends' emerged. It sounded right then, and now, in a slightly shorter form, it still sounds right - perhaps even inspired." And asthe saying goes, the rest is his-tory.

Upon learning of Joe Lawley's death, the UK Chair of Trustees,

Dr. Margaret Brearley, com-mented: "Joe and Iris, together with the Henderson's and Simon Stephens, created TCF in 1969 - now a worldwide group of caring organizations uniquely comforting bereaved parents. Their shared companionship and informal mu-tual support in their overwhelm-ing grief allowed them to turn outwards to seek other similarly grieving parents, with the result that literally hundreds of thou-sands of grieving parents have been given comfort and friend-ship - and in many countries - all this inspired by their example and their words."

Glen Lord, President of the TCF/USA Board of Directors said, "In May of 1968 when Kenneth Lawley died, his father Joe Law-ley's life was forever changed. What Joe could never have seen is that on that same day his and his wife Iris's choice to survive their grief, along with the support of the Henderson's and Simon Stephens, would change the world's life forever. Joe has now joined his Kenneth. Thank you, Joe, for all the love; thank you for changing my life; all of our lives are the better for it."

Alan Pedersen, TCF/USA Ex-ecutive Director, added, "Joe Lawley's spirit lives on in every corner of the TCF world because his compassion was the kindling that ignited our organization."

The Compassionate Friends/USA expresses their deepest con-dolences to Joe's wife Iris and their daughters, as well as our entire TCF family in the United Kingdom.

Written by Cathy Seehuetter

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting can-dles for one hour to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit at 7:00 p.m. local time, hun-dreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of all these beloved children. The 20th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the world by TCF, cre-ates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Please join us as we light candles on December 11. — MORE DETAILS TO COME NEXT MONTH

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Making Progress

The day you died, my spirit sought

to turn away from life.

It could not face the pain

that pierced its being like a knife.

I wanted to go with you.

Why should my life go on?

I found no earthly reason

to arise and greet the dawn.

I could not find a purpose.

How pointless it all seemed.

Reality seemed distant,

was my life a bitter dream?

I seemed to be suspended

in a tiny piece of time,

simply going through the motions

like an actor or a mime.

Then, bit by bit, as I endured

each never ending day,

I learned to smile and laugh again

in a tenuous kind of way.

And now, although I miss you more

than any words could tell,

no longer am I mired in

a brutal, needless hell.

I know I cannot escape

my sadness and my pain,

but I need not give it power

to dominate again.

Once again I notice rainbows,

the stars adrift in space,

a flower's perfumed beauty,

and the sunshine on my face.

I need not search so desperately

to find some subtle meaning,

some purpose in the hours enclosed

between daybreak and evening.

I find delight recaptured

in hearing, touching, seeing.

Once more I've come to know

the peaceful joy of being.

Peggy Bociscin, Albuquerque, NM

We Love You

Denise Johnson, Your Mother Forever

“Suicide does not take away the pain, It gives it to someone else.”

One Hand On The Stars

How do we count the lives she touched,

the light she shed for years?

How do we see the difference she made,

while looking through the tears?

How do we know the things that are,

that never should have been,

without her valiant heart that dared,

to fight and fight again?

How do we know what flowers will bloom

from seeds of yesterday,

What songs are sung and dreams begun

because she passed this way?

How do we measure the shining place

that time can never pale,

In all the hearts that cheered her on

willing her to prevail?

How did her spirit soar

beyond the suffering and the scars?

To live with one hand clutching hope

and the other on the stars?

We may not know what she left behind

on the difficult path she trod . . .

But we know this much;

her life's brief touch was for the hand of God.

~ Author Unknown ~

In Memory of

Kimberly Johnson

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On the evening I type this, the nip in the October air is a reminder that the major holidays are just around the corner. Halloween decorations have been in the stores since July and Christmas decor even as early as August. For those of us who are bereaved parents, siblings and/or grandparents this means the sooner they are "in our face" the longer we have the constant reminders that we will be facing the holidays without our child. Whether it is your first Halloween following your child's death or years down the road, such as in my situation, the holiday season stirs the emotions bringing varying levels of sadness, anxiety and sometimes even anger. With Halloween, there is the sorrow of no longer having to find that perfect costume or witnessing the delight in your child's eyes when you found just the right one.

Many parents find Halloween a particularly hard one to get through. In the past, I always thought of it as innocuous enough; there were the costume parties with bobbing for apples, children excitedly dashing door to door trick-or-treating, pumpkin carving, and the occasional harmless prank. However, after my daughter Nina died, I became acutely aware of things that I never gave a second thought to in the past. For instance, my former neighbor made her whole front yard into a graveyard scene, complete with fake headstones that said R.I.P. with scary or silly epitaphs as well as hideous ghosts coming out of the earth with bony bloody fingers. Before Nina died, I too found the cemetery “creepy”, but now I look at it differently, even with a sort of reverence, and no longer have a problem going out to my daughter's gravesite, even in the middle of the night. I find the solitude of the historic countryside graveyard where she is

buried peaceful and dignified and worthy of respect, and I was hurt by what I felt was apparent ridicule and disdain for the final resting place of our loved ones' physical bodies to the point of tears and anger. Moreover, some of the masks and costumes portrayed faces of death in a way that I found highly offensive, especially since I knew many who lost their children to some of the means depicted. I took it personally and didn't appreciate what I perceived as a mockery of death.

Though I still don't pretend to understand the allure of the above-mentioned Halloween depictions, they aren't as painful to me as they were the first few years after Nina died. During the early grief years, we become very hypersensitive to our surroundings and more keenly conscious of anything related to death. It is pretty hard to look past the general non-bereaved population's seeming nonchalance about something we take so personally. Though we wish there was more empathy and understanding, we also know all too well that they cannot truly sympathize unless they also have walked in our shoes. It is easy to forget that we too, before our children's deaths, may have shown the same indifference. I believe that we would like to think that we wouldn't have been so callous because we now personally know how much this hurts those affected; however, before we lost our “innocence”, truth be told, we probably didn't give any of it much thought. That being said, oftentimes it is still easier said than done.

On this 10th Halloween without Nina, I pretty much ignore all the ghoulishness surrounding this time of year. If I do find I am having difficulty, I try very hard to focus on positive and precious memories of Halloweens past, such as her belated birthday/Halloween party

where our basement became a makeshift haunted house where giggling blindfolded costumed witches and princesses plunged their hands into bowls full of peeled grape “eyeballs” and wet macaroni “brains” to the shrieks of “Yuck!”, or the photo taken of Nina on her last Halloween. No longer of trick-or-treat age, she stayed home to pass out the candy and carve an awesome Jack-O-Lantern that she is pictured proudly alongside, with her ever-present smile and that wonderful twinkle in her brown eyes. Or the photos I have of her in her costumes over the years from Care Bear to Punk Rocker. Because of my photographs and precious memories, I also realize that I was one of the “lucky” ones in that regard. There are those whose children died before they ever had the opportunity to create memories; there is the sorrow that they were never able to experience even one holiday with that child, yet alone several, and that saddens me very much.

For those with a missing trick-or-treater this Halloween or the conspicuous empty chair at Thanksgiving dinner this year, the first ones are the most difficult. Though I find they are easier to bear as time goes on, you never really forget the absence from the family holiday gatherings of one loved so much, nor do you want to forget, really. Please try to remember that this roller-coaster grief ride each year brings different feelings. It is important that you just allow those feelings and let them happen, Try not to be waylaid by other's expectations of you. Trust your instincts and go with them. Truly, only you know what you can or cannot handle.

With gentle thoughts,

Cathy Seehuetter TCF/St. Paul, MN

Musings on Halloween — Past and Present

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I've lost two children, I hear myself say. And that person I'm talking to, just turns away.

Now why did I tell them, I don't understand? It wasn't for sympathy, or to get a helping hand.

I just want them to know, we've lost something dear. I want them to know, that our children were here. They left something behind, which no one can see.

They made just two people into a family. So, if I've upset you, I'm sorry as can be.

You'll have to forgive me, I could not resist. I just wanted you to know, that our children did exist.

Betty Schreiber, N.E. Ohio TCF

In memory of

Amanda Wall

Amanda always put her friends and family above her-self. She seized the day, lived in the moment and never met a stranger. From the person delivering the mail to the per-son cleaning the office to children she encountered along the way, she made everyone in her path feel important and made their day a little brighter. She always made it a point to make her friends feel special, always putting them above herself. Amanda loved life and brightened any room with her vibrant, contagious smile that drew everyone to her.

We will never forget the strength and courage she dis-played during times when lesser people would have given up. She fought for life to the very end and will always and forever be a part of us. We miss you every day, but we know you are in a better place, not having to continue the battle against the dreadful disease of melanoma."

Mom and Dad Rebecca and Don Jones

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The late Darcie Sims wrote hun-dreds of articles over the years on grief and loss which have been extremely popular and shared in hundreds of TCF publications. We Need Not Walk Alone is proud to honor her by featuring selections of her work in a new column titled "The Wisdom of Darcie Sims."

The Wisdom of Darcie Sims

Somewhere It's Spring

It's spring in some places now. And in some places it will be winter for another coup le o f weeks (months?). Somewhere the tulips are beginning to push through the soft earth and somewhere the birds are returning to sing. Some-where the air is warmer, the breezes more gentle, the land be-gins to awaken from a frozen sleep. The trees are beginning to bud and even the air smells fresh and clean. Somewhere windows are open and the sound of the vac-uum can be heard, marking the beginning of spring cleaning... a ritual given to us long before our forefathers set sail for a new world. Somewhere the last holiday deco-ration is being packed away (those holiday diehards!) and somewhere a lawn mower is being readied for a new season.

As spring approaches, we begin to

shed our overcoats and stand in front of the mirror... examining the body for the extra lumps we've ac-cumulated during the hibernation season. We lace up our jogging shoes and make our way to the sidewalks, high school tracks and to the gym, eager to strip away the added inches that came because it was dark and gloomy and food seemed to soothe and comfort dur-ing the dark days of winter. Some-where someone is planning a wed-ding, a graduation, a family reun-ion. Vacation brochures begin to appear and plans are discussed in anticipation of summer.

Spring is the reawakening sea-son... the great wake up call for the earth. Somewhere, someone is answering that get up call... greet-ing the new season with vim, vigor, and vitality. There are smiles and renewed energy and hope seems to simply float on the sof-tened air. Somewhere... all of that is occurring, but not within me. It's still snowing inside my being. It's still winter inside here and there aren't any tulips about to burst open in my spirit. I've still got my snow boots on and the sun hasn't quite made it to my world. It's still winter inside me... I wonder if spring will ever come.

Oh, there have been moments of spring in the past. Wonderful, warm fleeting moments; moments when I "forgot" about the pain, the emptiness, the despair, the grief. Moments when the world was right side up and the music made me dance. But they were only mo-ments and I'm waiting for spring to arrive in me.

Hope... the major ingredient in spring, seems to elude my grasp. Just when I think there might be some hope, a memory comes creeping across my soul and it's

winter again in my heart. It's this lack of hope that seems especially cruel during springtime. I thought this winter inside me would end and I was looking forward to a more peaceful time in my life. I thought we would settle down, plant a garden and live our life filled with memories and the op-portunity to make new ones. HA! I thought grief would end at some point. The books all say it will… everyone else looks like their grief has subsided... how come spring missed us?! A season without hope is the ulti-mate in despair and I've spent too many such seasons. Where does hope go and how do I get it back?

Hope is that elusive something that keeps us moving, even in the dark. We are only powerless when we have no hope, no vision, no faith in our own abilities. We may be help-less at times. We may question the arrival of spring but we are only truly powerless when we have no hope, no dreams...

Don't lose the hope! Search for it! Fight for it! Demand its return. Hope changes as we do and it can be so disguised that we may not recognize it, but it can be found— in the moments of our memories. We probably won't ever have to-tally happy lives again... We proba-bly didn't have that kind of life anyway; we just thought we did.

Don't let death rob you of the mo-ments of joy still to be remem-bered, and found. Don't let grief rob you of those spring places where love and joy live forever in the heart. Somewhere it is spring... Deal with the anger, the guilt, the depression as it comes and then let it go as you can... so there is room for joy to come again. Let hope come in... it's spring.

ON PICKING UP THE PIECES

A few months after my son died someone said to me she was glad to see I was "picking up the

pieces and going on." Well, I was picking up the pieces all right, but what she didn't know was they were almost

a whole set of new pieces. I haven't been able to go on as though nothing about me has changed since my child

died. I'm a different me now and I am still learning how the new me reacts to old situations. I have found the

new set of pieces doesn't exactly fit together all nice and neat like a jigsaw puzzle because some of the old pieces

are hanging in there and they don't quite mesh with the newer ones. I am and have been in the process of grind-

ing off the edges, hoping for a better fit; one I could live with more comfortably. Time, patience and hard work

are helping me accomplish this. How are the rough edges on your new pieces coming along?

— Mary Cleckley

Lovingly Lifted from TCF We Need Not Walk Alone Spring/Summer 2016

9

FABLE There once lived a family who felt they had been especially

blessed by God. They had good health, they felt secure in their love of God and their love for each other.

On the mantel of their fireplace stood a vase. It was a strong, sturdy vase - attractive, but not extravagant. It had been a wedding gift to them. It symbolized their family. It had withstood the bumps of moving and toddlers' antics as the family had withstood the bumps and ordeals of life. The scars and chips could be detected only on very close scrutiny.

The day the oldest son in the family died, the vase was found on the mantel, shattered into many pieces. No one bothered to gather up the pieces. It was left for some time in its broken condition on the mantel. After some time had passed, thought was given to putting the vase back together. Little enthusiasm was generated, but eventually the task was begun. The family worked together, each adding a piece or suggestion about getting it mended. Each one of the family members got discouraged and more than once, some of them were heard to say, "It can't be done".

Finally after many months the vase was back in its normal place on the mantel. To the casual observer, it looked strong and sturdy and no one would guess it was less than perfect. But on close examination, it obviously had been shattered and put back together, and on turning it around, one could see one large piece was permanently missing. It had never been found and served to remind the family that although their hearts could mend and heal, their lives would never be the same.

Jeanette Isley, TCF, Topeka, Kansas

HALLOWEEN MAGIC Halloween has always been a special holiday time. I regret that our son only had a one-time experience at this magical time of year. I remember - as though it were yesterday - the wonder in his face, how he tried to eat the candy through his mask, how he said thank you without coaxing. Then I think of all the parents whose child never had the opportunity and I am grate-ful for that one time. It's hard watching all the other children trick-or-treating, and yet there is something special about this season that comforts me. As I watch the trees around me, I am reminded that there is a beauty even in their dying leaves. There's a special aroma, or breathtaking color scheme, and if you lis-ten, a rustling in the air. I believe there is a message in fall. I believe God wants us to know that death is like a change of seasons, that our children now know far more beauty than we can ever imagine. Like the tree that lives on through the barren winter and comes alive again in spring, our children are not gone. They live!

Nancy Cassell, TCF, Monmouth Co, NJ

SHARED THOUGHTS ON FEAR After losing a child or sibling, we quickly real-

ize that we are very vulnerable to death. Those terrible tragedies that normally happen to other people have now come into our own home.

Before we even get through the stages of shock or denial, we fear losing another family member. Our interest in daily living and our-selves is at a very low ebb, but often the con-cern for surviving children or family members increases to the point of smothering them. If there are no other children, the concern fre-quently is transferred to the mate.

As my youngest surviving son once said, "Can I not live because my brother died?" (He was then 16, the age our Doug died in an auto acci-dent.) This helped me to realize that robbing him of the carefree feeling that belongs to teenagers was wrong. I certainly did not want him to worry to the extent I did. As frightened as we are, we have to accept the fact we can not control or protect our children against all dangers. I chose to back off, and just prayed a lot.

The fear of "going crazy" is very common. I had this fear because I was not healing at the same rate as when my siblings and parents died. It would have been helpful had I been go-ing to The Compassionate Friends, and known a bereaved parent's grief is different, and for me much longer and more intense. Even though the fear of suicide and going crazy is very common, I have never known a bereaved parent who at-tended The Compassionate Friends to do either.

If we share our grief and pain with someone who has been in the same depth of despair, they can sometimes help us to sort out our feelings. The longer bereaved parents and siblings can help us through our bad times, just by letting us know they "were there" and survived, that they too had intense exaggerated fears, which even-tually left, a certain residue of fear remains with us, but this degree of fear we can live with.

Sharing is probably the one thing that helps us most. It helps us to look at ourselves more ob-jectively, and sometimes realize when we are unduly alarmed. We fear forgetting our child, how they looked, laughed, their voice, and the things they did, we can't bear losing anything pertaining to our child, but these things we never forget.

Our children are no longer with us to touch and hold, but our love and memories are very much alive. It bothers me terribly when others say, "but you have six other children left". Our love for our child that died can not be trans-ferred to another. Our relationship was between the two of us. Some people say a part of them died with their child. I like to say a part of me is reserved for the memories of Doug. This is its only function. So I need to keep the memories alive to use this part of me.

God Bless, Marie Hofmockel , TCF Valley Forge

10

Betsy Allen, 18 year old daughter, fire suffocation ........................... kiddiekottage@gmail.com ................. 919-981-0767 Janet Anderton, 29 year old son, unknown ..................................... janbaglady@hotmail.com .................. 586-214-4000 Marye Badgett, 11 year old son, accidental gun shot ....................... mlbadgett@outlook.com ................... 919-901-4084 Dee Bell-Phillips, 22 year old son, unknown .................................... deebellphillips@gmail.com................. 919-559-2543 Shalika Bethel, stillborn, unknown ................................................ shalika.b14@gmail.com .................... 919-864-9895 Kati Bourque, 2 day old daughter, diaphragmatic hernia .................. frogsducksanddoc@hotmail.com ........ 919-637-9544 and 38 year old brother, heart attack ....................................... frogsducksanddoc@hotmail.com ........ 919-637-9544 Debbie & Steve Brady, 31 yr old son, accidental prescription drug toxicity .. bizmen@aol.com ............................... 919-441-0967 Kathleen Breland, 17 year old son, suicide ..................................... ksabreland@gmail.com ..................... 919-463-9409 Diane Brinkerhoff, 29 year old daughter, auto accident .................... dbrinkerhoff@nc.rr.com .................... 919-781-1765 Mindy Burgin, 25 year old daughter, suicide ................................... dafvd.12@yahoo.com ....................... 703-244-2133 Mechelle Champion, 1 month old son, congenital heart failure ........... mchampion91@aol.com .................... 919-753-7511 Mary Lou Clarkson, 21 year old son, leukemia ................................ ..................................................... 919-501-7769 Kathleen Combs, 20 yr old daughter, seizure .................................. kat6119@yahoo.com ........................ 919-292-1251 Elise Cope, 15 year old son, auto accident ...................................... surrid@aol.com ............................... 919-656-5005 Rebecca Creech, 14 day old daughter, heart defect ......................... leonaselena0105@aol.com ............... 919-803-5889 Chris Crosier, 25 year old son, motorcycle accident ......................... cc71236@gmail.com ........................ 440-223-1765 Teresa Cyr, 24 year old son, complications from drug overdose ......... teresacyr@gmail.com ....................... 919-215-2641 Kimberly Edens, 16 year old daughter, auto accident ....................... kedens1015@gmail.com ................... 919-971-6975 LaTonya Ellis, 18 year old daughter, sickle cell anemia ..................... latonya.s.ellis@gmail.com ................. 919-706-2348 Cate Forrester, 21 year old son, undiagnosed heart defect ................ kittycate521@gmail.com ................... 919-621-9666 Susan Gray, 27 year old daughter, auto accident ............................ scmusic62@gmail.com...................... 919-757-1664 Mary Chris Griffin, 44 year old son, heart disease ............................ mcgriffin48@gmail.com .................... 919-552-4440 Diane Haddon, 26 year old daughter, metastatic melanoma .............. dkhaddon@nc.rr.com ....................... 919-363-9721 Natisha Hall, 8 week old daughter, oral procedure—frenulum cut ....... natisha.leonora@gmail.com ............... 919-638-6561 Nan Hamilton, 5 year old daughter, accident .................................. ..................................................... 919-605-5557 Diane and Robert Harkness, 47 year old daughter, cancer ................ dharkness.home@gmail.com ............. 919-803-1134 Sosan Harlan, 30 year old son, drug overdose ................................ sharlan48@gmail.com ...................... 508-789-0839 Becky Hart, 16 year old son, auto accident ..................................... bhart@rl-law.com Terra and Kati Hodge, 19 year old son, drug overdose ..................... terrahodge@gmail.com ..................... June Jeffreys, 25 year old son, drug overdose................................. jmjrdh13@yahoo.com ...................... 919-839-1015 D. Marie Jones, 13 year old son, struck by hit & run driver ............... jones9807@att.net........................... 910-218-0754 Sharon Jones 21 year old daughter, brain tumor ............................. shabrownjones@gmail.com ............... 919-971-1606 Cathy Joostema, 28 year old son, stroke ........................................ joostema2@hotmail.com ................... 919-341-8434 Christi (Cathy’s daughter) 28 year old brother, stroke ................. christif@workplaceoptions.com .......... 919-880-8135 Gloria Jusino, 28 year old son, heart attack .................................... ghjusino3@gmail.com ...................... 919-208-7360 Ellen King, infant son .................................................................. divabella2000@yahoo.com ................ 919-740-8799 Debra Lamberis, 25 year old son, drug overdose ............................. coohousdeb@gmail.com.................... 919-693-9922 Mara Lewis, 15 year old son, osteosarcoma .................................... mlewisnc@gmail.com ....................... 919-655-5659 Jackie McCoy, 8 hour old son, complications of birth ........................ 1204jacmcc@gmail.com ................... 919-633-2136 Cindy McLeod, 23 year old son, blunt force trauma .......................... cindymcleod1954@att.net ................. 330-926-7771 Sue Mellott, 21 year old son, suicide ............................................. suemellott@yahoo.com ..................... Jen Menard, 4 year old daughter, genetic illness ............................. jenmenard3@yahoo.com .................. 919-610-6781 Malissa Obonyo, 18 year old son, murder ....................................... ann.mitzi@yahoo.com ...................... 919-798-2831 Charlene Peacock, 22 year old son, congenital heart tumor............... peacockbig@aol.com ........................ 919-706-9176 Faira Pearce, 3.5 month old son, pneumonia .................................. fairaharris@yahoo.com ..................... 919-427-7169 Dolly and Rick Richardson, 38 year old son, suicide ......................... rricha2595@aol.com ........................ 919-790-0485 Ann Riddick, 33 year old daughter, breast cancer ............................ ann.riddick@gmail.com ..................... 252-939-0295 Ora Riggs, 30 year old son, primary brain tumor ............................. orasriggs@gmail.com ....................... 919-274-2769 Cori Rochford, 20 day old son, kidney failure .................................. cori.rochford@gmail.com .................. 919-701-5066 Michelle Rosoff, 17 year old daughter, electrocuted in pool ............... rosoffmichelle@yahoo.com ................ 919-624-2248 Ron & Cindy Salyer, 21 year old son, motorcycle accident ................ salyer86@hotmail.com ..................... 919-868-7542 Angie Selvia, 25 year old daughter, murder .................................... kaiser22006@hotmail.com ................ 910-893-9607 Carol Shelton, 40 year old son, .................................................... yaelsgma@bellsouth.net ................... 919-460-0694 Amber Silvers, stillborn daughter .................................................. silversa0226@gmail.com .................. 919-400-3077 Linda Strother, 15 year old son, colon cancer ................................. ljstrother@yahoo.com ...................... 919-294-6842 Barbara Thorp, 40 year old son, flue complications .......................... bstaw@aol.com ............................... 919-847-7787 Rita Tolley, 23 year old son, auto accident ..................................... ritatolley123@bellsouth.net ............... 919-215-0401 Christine Torricelli, 17 year old son, suicide .................................... mom3boysalways@yahoo.com ........... Libbie Toth, 36 year old daughter, prescription drug overdose ........... libbie318@att.net ............................ 919-848-1876 Jade and Bill Tsao, 24 year old son, accidental overdose .................. billandjade@suddenlink.net ............... 252-560-9187 Lisa Tucker, 26 year old daughter, suicide ...................................... phototucker@gmail.com ................... 919-938-9651 Nancy Turlington, 19 year old son, car accident .............................. dhttntt2@gmail.com ......................... 919-553-4995 Mercedes Vedock, 24 year old daughter, accidental overdose ............ mevedock@hotmail.com ................... 919-656-2364 Edith Weiner, 30 year old son, murdered ....................................... edithweiner1025@gmail.com ............. 919-559-0194 Risa Wolfzahn, 23 year old son, gun shot ....................................... risenshine321@gmail.com ................. 984-232-0055

Friends Supporting Friends — Telephone and E-Mail Contact List

IF YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY… NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO…

WE ARE THERE FOR YOU...

“WHEN YOU FEEL YOU NO LONGER NEED THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS,

REMEMBER WE NEED YOU!”

11

OUR OCTOBER CHILDREN

Loved and Alwa

ys Remembered

Moments Of Time — Held, Eternal, Remembered

by Pamela Hagen

Birthday J.R. Butler Son Linda & Michael Godwin Daniel Lee Winn Son Pat Winn Altman Lee Michael Neisz Son Ann Neisz Amy Elizabeth Uhland Daughter Mary Uhland Andy Katchuk Son Pam Katchuk Tiffany Pemberton Daughter Angie & Greg Selvia

Sister Nicole Hodges Hillarie J. Denning Daughter Judy & Buddy Johnson Jonathan Thee Son Marcia & Bill Thee Greg Schrieber Son Joanne & Randy Schrieber Perrin Smith Son Dawn Smith Amy Elizabeth Brinson Daughter Brenda Hoffee Kevin Harlan Son Sosan Harlan Curtis "Curt" Gardener Son David & Helen Gardener Shreya Rastogi Daughter Sudhir Rustogi & Neerja Rastogi Carlo Hargraves Son Stephanie Ellis Priya Balagopal Daughter Geetha & Nair Balagopal Alyssa Camejo Daughter Mercedes & Matthew Vedock Christopher Johnson Son Libby & Richard Johnson Hayward Woo Young, Jr., MD Son Jacqueline Young Kemp Jefferson Son Lynn Morris Amanda Wall Daughter Rebecca & Don Jones Thomas Austin Cope Son Elise Carroll Cope Andrew Kintzele Son Terra & Kati Hodge Marcellus Robert Lennon Son Morgan & Michael Lennon Amari Bethel Son Shalika & Adrian Bethel William Michael Scherpereel Son Janice L. Scherpereel Nathanael Holt Son Terri & Bill Holt

Anniversary Billy Buckley Son William & Therese Buckley Patrick Lee Son Cheryl Lee Willie Herskowitz Son Risa Wolfzahn Joey Ward Son Merle Ward

Anna Christine Brinkerhoff Helms Daughter Diane Brinkerhoff Mark Bidwell Son Pat & Larry Bidwell Garrett Whitt Son Mitch and Robin Macon Whitt Timothy Justin Castaneda Son Karen & Tito Castaneda Antony Smith Son Eric & Laura Smith Whitney Mebane Daughter Betsy Mebane Louis Canino Son Chris & Pat Canino Kyle DuBose Son Debbi & Kevin DuBose Jonathan Thee Son Marcia & Bill Thee Nathan Pribble Son Robin & Bill Pribble Stephen House Son Jay & Judith House Brian Avery Burdette Son Rick & Karen Burdette Kimberly Johnson Daughter Denise Johnson Jeffrey Alderson Son Todd & Jeanne Alderson Zachary Taylor Son Diane & Larry Barbour Corey Chapman Haddon Daughter Diane & Chap Haddon Eliana Brynn Navy Daughter Cecilia & Frank Navy Derrick Palmer Son Renie Palmer John M. "Jay" Swecker III Son John & Katie Swecker Amari Bethel Son Shalika & Adrian Bethel Wade Halford Son Maggie & Scott Halford

Chapter Leader: Dennis Riggs…919-740-6387 (e-mail: dennisr711@gmail.com)

Bereavement Letters: Mara Lewis...919-655-5659 (e-mail: mlewisnc@gmail.com)

Treasurer: Gary Yurcak...919-847-1780 (e-mail: gyurcak@bellsouth.net)

Newsletter Editor

& Membership Info: Pattie Griffin...919-829-1982 (e-mail: pattie.grif@gmail.com)

Website: www.TCFWake.com (e-mail: dennisr711@gmail.com)

Wake TCF Phone Line: Cathy Joostema...919-833-4022 (e-mail: joostema2@hotmail.com)

National Office Information: 1000 Jorie Blvd, Suite 140, Oak Brook, IL 60523 Toll-Free: 877-969-0010 / Ph: 630-990-0010 Website: www.compassionatefriends.org Email: nationaloffice@compassionatefriends.org

The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Wake County Chapter PO Box 6602 Raleigh, NC 27628-6602

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, INC. Wake County Chapter PO Box 6602 Raleigh, NC 27628-6602

October 2016