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1 Copyright 2014 Tech Mahindra. All rights reserved. 1
2 Copyright 2014 Tech Mahindra. All rights reserved.
2014
Tech Mahindra
3 Copyright 2014 Tech Mahindra. All rights reserved.
2014
Tech Mahindra
4 Copyright 2014 Tech Mahindra. All rights reserved.
Business communication (Assertive
Communication)
Kavita Lal
Leadership Learning Services
5 Copyright 2014 Tech Mahindra. All rights reserved.
Course Outcomes
Communicate with increased confidence and ease
Communicate assertively in difficult situations
Participate effectively in meetings & teleconferences
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Customer Issues
Communicate clearly and precisely
Share our views and concerns at the right time
Understand their concerns and move towards a workable compromise
Participate effectively in virtual as well as face to face meetings
Paraphrase our understanding of the situation during the conversation
Ask the right questions at the right time and summarize the action items
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What is Communication?
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Understanding Assertive Communication
7% Words
38% Voice 55% Body Language
Congruence
Context Gestures
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Communication
Communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system
of symbols, signs or behaviors
Communication is a two way process
Business professionals spend about 70% to 85% of their work time in communication, be it speaking, listening,
writing or reading
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Communication
Body language
Para language
Language
55%
38%
7%
100%
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Barriers in Effective Business Communication
Time Pressure in all Business Communication Internal Frameworks of understanding information Internal filters of missing out and capturing information Importance of Language in which we think and speak Assumptions made when we are listening and collecting
information
Perceptions
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Your Style
Fill up the questionnaire with complete honesty
Give your first response and do not deliberate too much on any particular question
Give your responses considering the way you behave and not the way you should behave
Time allotted: 10 minutes
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Exercise Your Style
Thinking about your behavior at work, write a score
against each statement to represent
which best typifies your behavior.
4= Agree Strongly
3= Agree Somewhat
2= Disagree Somewhat
1= Disagree Strongly
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Exercise Your Style
1. I express my opinions in an honest and appropriate manner___
2. I can get angry and let this show___________
3. I find it difficult to say No___________
4. If I do not agree with a task that my boss has given me, I find a way of dragging my feet on it._____
5. I feel comfortable in asking for help from somebody if they know more than me______
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Your Style
6. I feel guilty if I leave on time for a valid reason and other people
are still working______
7. I can be sarcastic_________
8. I think my way of doing things is better than other people_____
9. If someone takes advantage of me, I find a way of evening the score_______
10. I feel I have the right to say no to other peoples request and find a way of making the score even________
11. If I am in a large meeting, I find myself not speaking up____
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Your Style
12. I like to be in control of a situation_____________
13. I stare at people____________
14. I make good eye contact with people________
15. If I am unsure of a task that I have been given I find it uncomfortable to ask for help_______
16. I talk about other people behind their backs_________
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Your Style
17. When I have to deal with someone in authority, I find it difficult
to look them directly in the eye.__________
18. I am a good listener and think that people listen attentively to what I have to say._______
19. Rather than confronting someone on an issue, I would rather drop hints that I am not happy._____
20. I am not afraid to be direct with someone even if they think I am being rude.______
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Your Style
Self Assessment
Transfer the scores of each of the statements to the boxes
given below and
then total each of the columns downwards.
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Q1 Q3 Q4 Q2
Q5 Q6 Q7 Q8
Q10 Q11 Q9 Q12
Q14 Q15 Q16 Q13
Q18 Q17 Q19 Q20
total total total total
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Your Style: Exercise Debrief
Aggressive Communication Style
Tend to offend others
Highly opinionated
Passive Communication Style
Submissive
Hesitant to voice their opinions
Avoid conflicts
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Your Style: Exercise Debrief
Passive Aggressive Communication Style
Never talk to the right person or at the right time
Tend to generate discontent amongst others
Assertive Communication Style:
Express oneself openly and honestly without denying the rights
of others
Not scared to ask why
Strike a workable compromise and understand the other person
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CHOICE is yours...
Passive Aggressive
Assertive
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The 3 As of assertive communication
Acknowledge Emotions
Accept Facts
Assure for solutions and come up to a Workable
Compromise
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Exercise 1
Analyze Case 1 and 2 on Assertiveness Identify the communication styles displayed by the characters Identify the behaviors demonstrated by the characters based on the
communication styles ( Aggressive, Passive , Assertive)
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CASE 1
Manoj: Amit tells me that you were late this morning. Is that right? Anand: Yes, Im very sorry. Manoj: In fact, you were more than half-an hour late? Am I correct? Anand: Yes (mumbled) Manoj: To be completely accurate and you know I like to have my facts right, you
have been more than half-an-hour late every day this week, have you not? Anand: Yes Manoj: Well, this firm does not tolerate laziness and unpunctuality. I am a fair man
(as you know), but dont beat about the bush. If this occurs more than once, we will start the disciplinary procedure against you. Do I make myself clear?
Anand: Yes
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Characters Communication Style Why?
Manoj
Anand
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Draft an assertive response
Anands response to Manoj
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Anands Assertive response
Youre right Manoj. I have been late this week, in fact half an hour every morning this week. I shouldve have informed you in advance. Im sorry about it.
I understand that the company policy expects punctuality .I do
respect it and will adhere to it.
In the current circumstances that Im facing, however, I am sure the company will empathize and support me. Your point is well taken and I shall endeavor to be on time in the future.
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CASE 2
Alex: Amit tells me that you were over half-an-hour late this morning and in fact, every morning this week. Is that correct?
Shekhar: Yes, Im very sorry. Alex: Tell me, why were you late? Shekhar: Well, the traffics been bad. Alex: Well, the traffics been bad, and you normally come to work on time. So
whats the problem? Shekhar: Wellmy mother is extremely sick. Alex: Im sorry to hear that Shekhar; it must be very tough for you, as you are
very close to your mother. Shekhar: Yes, Alex its tough alright. Alex: (pause): But, I dont see why you are late Shekhar.
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CASE 2 Cont.. Shekhar: Well, my mother now needs our full time care and
attention. She cant be left even for a minute. Namita, my wife works nights and doesnt come until half past eight. I immediately set off for work, but because of the traffic Im late.
Alex: I have no problems with that at all Shekhar. This whole
position must be causing you and Namita a lot of stress. Are there any alternatives we can think of that will help mattersI wonder. Have you tried to get help from Home Help for instance?
Shekhar: No we havent actually. This all happened very suddenlylast weekend in fact.
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CASE 2- Cont. Alex: Well, why dont you take the rest of the day off and see if you can set the wheels in motion. Then we can have a chat tomorrow on progress. We have to get the short term fix quickly, but there is also the longer term one to consider. Besides, you need to complete your deliverable by the end of this month. In view of our HR policies, lets all come to work on time.
Shekhar: Thanks ever so much Alex. I appreciate the urgency. May be I will have to stretch a bit to get things done by the end of this month. That should be fine.
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Characters Communication Style Why?
Alex
Shekhar
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Skills in Developing Assertiveness
Have basic Believes:
The right to say No The right to be listened to The right to be treated with respect The right to hold and express different views from other people. The right to ask for what you want. The right to be consulted about decisions affecting you. The right to privacy The right not to give reasons/excuses for your behavior. The right to make mistakes
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Skills in Developing Assertiveness
Verbal Structure 1) Push Statements:
1) Stating Expectations______
2) Stating Views/opinions stated with a reason_______
3) Offering incentives and stating Consequences______
4) Disclosing Feelings_____ 2) Pull Statements:
1) Active Listening________
2) Asking open questions to increase understanding______
3) Building common ground of agreement________
4) Being open in order to help in the situation______
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I Statements
Three parts of an I Statement: Description of specific behavior Description of your specific feelings Description of the tangible effects on you of the specific
behavior
Example: When you ask me to take on another job with a tight
deadline (Specific behavior) I feel pressured (your Specific Feeling) because I dont have the adequate time to do the new job and carry out the other work that I have to do. (tangible effects on you)
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How of Communication: Voice
Tone
Unfriendly ---------------------------- Friendly
Insincere ------------------------------ Sincere
Intonation
Monotonous ---------------------------------- Varied
Pitch
Unclear ----------------------------------------- Clear
High ---------------------------------------------- Low
Speed
Slow -------------------------------------------- Fast
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How of Communication: Body Language
Dos
Open posture Look directly at the speaker Smile Orient your shoulder towards the person Lean forward slightly Nod Dont
Slouch Crossed arms Hands in the pocket Swinging of legs Hands handcuffed behind Nose touching
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Watch Yourself and Others
Category Aggressive Assertive Passive
How am I thinking of
myself
Superior/inferior but
desperate o hide it.
Having equal rights
with every one
Inferior- not as
important as others
What are my hands
and arms doing
Fists on the waist
Arms folded across
the chest Hands
clenched tightly Fist
thumping and finger
pointing Hand
crunching
handshakes or over
hard slaps on the
back.
Open hand
movements Inviting
to speak Arms
comfortably by sides
or arms folded
loosely
Hugging the body
Hands are tightly
clasped Wringing or
covering hand with
mouth.
How am I standing Trying to be
physically higher
Upright with head in
the air Leaning
forward to emphasize
my point.
Relaxed well
balanced Facing the
other person directly
Round shouldered
head down Crest
cramped Turning
away from others
Staying at a lower
level.
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Watch Yourself and Others
Category Aggressive Assertive Passive
What are my legs and
feet doing
Feet firmly apart.
Sitting stiffly upright
Foot tapping-
swinging When
moving striding
impatiently
Feet about shoulder
width apart Weight
equally distributed
on both feet Standing
still
Shifting weight from
one foot to the other
Rolling one foot onto
its side Stepping
back, shrugging,
shuffling Standing
with weight on one
foot
Where am I looking Looking through or
past a person
Glaring-staring a
hard gaze Narrowing
of the eyes-
unblinking
Looking directly at
same level Gentle and
relaxed look Looking
away often yet
coming to back to
look at the person
Looking down and
away Avoiding eye
contact Quick furtive
glances
What is my voice like Cold-sarcastic Very
loud. Sharp
Threatening Abrupt
Clipped
Steady-firm-low
pitched Medium
volume Clear speech
Warm tones
Quiet-strained-
wobbly-whining and
child like Dull
monotone
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Techniques Coping Skills Broken Record Fogging Negative Assertion 3 Line Assertion Message
Conversation Skills Self Disclosure Workable Compromise
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Positive Assertion Techniques
Broken Record Technique:
Repeat over again, calmly
Dont rehearse arguments / repeat angry feelings
Stick quietly to your point, saying it in various different ways
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Positive Assertion Techniques
Particularly useful when:
You are not getting what you are entitled to
You are dealing with people of authority or you feel that that the
other person has more expertise than you
The other person is likely to use put-downs or attack you verbally
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Positive Assertion Techniques
Broken Record Technique: Through calm repetition stick to your point - when someone is avoiding an issue
- when someone is pressing you to do something you wish to refuse
Example You: Im not satisfied with the service, I would like to see the
Manager.
Reply: He is busy right now
You: Im sure he is, but I would still like to see him
Reply: He doesnt usually get involved in these matters
You: I can understand that but I want to see him
Reply: You will have to make an appointment and write in
You: That may be your procedure but Id like to see him now.
Reply: Well, if you would like to wait for an hour Ill see what I can do
You: Thank you but Ill wait till I meet him.
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Positive Assertion Techniques
Fogging Involves training yourself to stay calm in the face of criticism and agreeing with
whatever maybe fair and useful in it. By refusing to be provoked and upset, you
remove its destructive power
The point of fogging is that it robs your critics words of their destructive power. While superficially it may seem submissive, it is in fact assertive because of what it
implies. Youre denying your critic the satisfaction of seeing you being intimidated
and disempowered.
So, if for instance someone calls you stupid, you can agree that sometimes you are. After all, everyone does foolish things sometimes.
If someone criticizes your work, you could probably agree that it could be better. Even if it is already pretty good, there are still ways in which you could always
make it better
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Positive Assertion Techniques
Fogging Example Phrases like..
That could be true. I can see that you think it was a stupid way
that I behaved
Youre probably right!
Sometimes I think so myself.
You always make mistakes. To err is human
You were the last person to submit the assignment Thats right ..I did hand it in very close to the deadline
NOT
Whats the sweat? I wasnt late!
Im so sorry not to have handed it over earlier.
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Positive Assertion Techniques
Power words Certain words are very powerful indeed and used in the
correct context are exceptionally persuasive
Power words and phrases are:
No
Thank you!
If
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Positive Assertion Techniques
How to say NO Just say No Do not preface it with an Im sorry but Do not always feel obliged to give an explanation of your feelings:
It does not feel right to
I dont like to
I would feel compromised to
Dont feel you have to explain your reasons: Because Im already committed
Because I dont have the time
Checklist Do I really want this or am I pleasing someone else? What benefit is it to me for saying a Yes? If I do it, will I enjoy it?
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Positive Assertion Techniques
The powerful Thank you! We are taught to say a please when we want something.
We are taught to say a Thank you when weve received what we asked for.
It is interesting to note what happens when instead of a
please we use the Thank you! The thank you becomes
assumptive (you assume what youve asked for will be given)
I would like some silence now. Thank you! I want you to help me. Thank you I would like your complete attention. Thank you
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Positive Assertion Techniques
The Big If
The conjunction If is exceptionally powerful when you want to
make a concession or give something away.
It acts like an elastic with which you can pull back the concession,
if you dont get what you want.
If you help me with the leftover work, then I could accompany
you to the party this evening
If you get better grades, I will speak to your dad about the
Europe trip
Notice how a low priority option is coupled with a high priority
choice.
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Assertion Guidelines
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1. When expressing your desires, thoughts, feelings
Be as specific and clear as possible about what you:
Want
Think
Feel
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2.When giving feedback
Be Direct
Deliver the message to the person for whom it is intended and not the group
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3. When expressing your point of view
Own your message : I Messages
We dont agree with you vs I think differently on this I have a different view point on this
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4.When not sure of what people
think, feel about your actions
Ask for feedback
Am I being clear? How do you see this situation? What do you want to do?
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5.Listening(4 R)
Listen Empathetically( I feel with you)
People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel- Bonny Jean
Recognize( the root of the matter) Reflect( think) Respect Respond( communicate: commit , answer, suggest.)
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6. Body Language
People listen with their eyes and not with their ears
What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Be prepared for
Surprise even opposition
Set small milestones
Expect failure and use it
Allow for slippage
It takes time
SMART goals
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Tips for being more assertive
Deliver your message directly to the recipient Use statements that make what you want, think and feel as clear
as possible
Avoid becoming emotional when you state how you feel Own your message e.g Id really appreciate it if you Dont use generalizations such as You always or You never Do not be apologetic about your feelings, rights or opinions. Say
NO to unreasonable requests
Ask for and encourage clear specific feedback Avoid why questions to reduce the likelihood of the other person
becoming defensive
Maintain eye contact and use tone of voice and body language to reinforce your message.
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"Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood"
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Questions
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Thank You!
Wed love to hear from you. Please do feel free to write to us with
your comments/ suggestions/queries at