Approach Anxiety » Advanced Tactics to Turn Back the Tide

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Advanced Tactics to Turn Back the Tide

by Eric Disco

You met a girl. Got her number. Went out on a date. She likes you, but you got a little too clingy somehow. Maybyou texted her too much. Or pushed too hard for another meet up. Or your emotions got the best of you and you wmushy and sentimental when you should have been playful and challenging. Perhaps you got needy. You turned iwussy. You let your insecurity get the best of you and communicated that to her in some way.

You can sense her getting distant. Shes feeling a bit crowded. Shes into you, but you can tell shes pulling awayoccasionally reciprocates your overtures and occasionally initiates half-hearted overtures herself. But when it comdown to itspending time together or hooking up she has an attitude that says hands off. Youre just not a priorime. Youre just no good enough.

And youre left feeling like an emotional basket-case. All your game is suddenly out the window. You were onccool, playful and a challenge. Now youre hurting, confused, conflicted, and not sure what to do.

And you realize that if you dont change course, if you dont fix the situation, it will spiral down and eventually ethings.

How do you fix it?

The main idea to correcting something thats going off course is using time and space to your advantage. You are capitalizing on the fact that thereome interest there already. By showing a careful combination of initiative and lack of initiative, you can amp up her interest.

A great analogy to relationships is flying a kite. You pull a little bit and then you let go. You pull again and let go again. Pretty soon that kite is fls high as it can go.

Another analogy is starting a fire. If you throw a giant log on a small pile of smoldering kindling, it will crush out the flames. Sometimes its too fone to rescue. But other times, you can pull back and give that fire a lot ofair so that it builds back up again on its ownwithout you doing a whoot.

What youre doing here is playing with time and space. Giving her time to think about you. Youre pulling away. But not justulling away, you are doing it in a way that highlights the fact that you are pulling away.

You are contacting her less. You are spending less time with her.

But this DOES NOT mean that when you are with her you act disinterested and bored.


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ndeed, you are becoming scarce. But scarcity doesnt mean anything if the scarce product itself doesnt hold ANY value. It musthave SOME value. Even if the value isnt as high as gold or diamonds, the fact that its much scarcer could potentially make it evenmore valuable.

So when you do see her, text her or call her, you must show excellence. Do all the right things and do them hard. Be excited to see her. Flirt hard wher. Sexually escalate hard. Connect with her as deep as possible. And then at the high point, cut things off and leave her wanting more. This way pace that you are creating is hugely magnified and she really feels it.

Below are listed 15 tactics. Keep in mind, all these tactics capitalize on a girls interest in the first place. If there isnt any interest from her, these wwork. Shell just walk away.

Some of these are very gamey tactics in that it really doesnt build up a relationship in positive emotional ways. What it does is open up space toher start to take initiative and feel things.

These tactics are not inner game. Inner game is just as important as outer game, so in order to understand the inner game, read this post,What To DWhen You Think About Her Too Much. If your inner game is too messed up, she will sense it and no amount of outer game will help. She will hen your voice tone, in your body language, the way you are inhibited around her.

would not use these tactics on friends or when things are going well with someone. Some of these tactics may be things I would do naturally imanaging the distance in any relationship, but I would rarely premeditate any of these tactics or use them regularly if things were going well. I wounly use them if I were sensing a loss of interest and needed to get her focus back on me.

Some basic concepts:

Be busy.The main idea here is that you have a life. Youre doing exciting things, hanging out with cool friends, maybe seeing other great

women. Shes not treating you like a priority so in the same vein, you will only fit her into your exciting life when you get around to it.

Let her take initiative.I always talk about how taking initiative is the most important aspect of becoming a confident guy. Ironically, once are in some relationship with her, many times the nice guy will take too much initiative and fuck things up. He does this because hes insecuHe feels like if he doesnt take initiative, she wont. When you feel her pulling away, there is a tendency to want to take more initiative to fixsituation, show her more feelings and emotions. In actuality, this normally just crushes the relationship and makes it worse. Pulling back anwaiting for her to take initiative is almost always the best move.

Let her think about you.Let her miss you. Time is your greatest ally.

Here are some more specific tactics:

The drop-out.You are texting back and forth with her it seems almost every day. But she is distant and lethargic about it. Droput for a day or even two days. Dont take initiative to contact her for a period that seems longer than normal. It may scare you that

you might lose her, but thats exactly the point. She senses that you are okay with losing her and she begins to react. When you doinally get back in contact with her, be excited and animated.

Slow track.(Credit Brad P). Let her take initiative. This is at the heart of this game. What happens at the beginning of theelationship is that you start to get into a certain groove of contacting, and inviting her out. Perhaps you start to contact every dayr every other day. Perhaps you invited her out one too many times and she was resistant. If you still have her on the line, you starto pull back and contact her less often. And when you do contact her, you dont invite her out. So for example you might contact

her on Monday and be super flirty. Have a little go back and forth but then dont invite her out. Tell her how crazy busy your weeks. If she mentions hanging out or prods you to take initiative, you can say We should hang out but this week is crazy busy. Letsouch base early next week. And you can wait until then. This can go on indefinitely. Particularly if you are seeing other women,

you can really slow things down with this girl to the point where she is asking to meet up with you. Again, as stated earlier, youwant to be awesome and excited to see her when you do see her. But also let her know how busy you are.

ll give you a call later and then dont.This is an interesting tactic that really cant be used too often. Rarely will it work morehan once. But the idea is you say something like Ill give you a call later on tonight. And then you dont call. So far youve beenumping at every chance to talk to her. She starts to wonder, why didnt he call? Is he not as into me as I thought he was?

Set up a date and then dont confirm.(Credit Lee). You talk to her and say Lets hang out Monday. She agrees although shes a bit wishy wasnon-committal. You say Ill give you a call on Sunday to confirm. Then you DONT contact her on Sunday or Monday. Tuesday you send her a tbout how busy things have been and asking how she is.

A hint of jealousy.You simply throw something into a text or conversation hinting that women are making overtures to you. Thneeds to be EXTREMELY subtle though, because it can easily come offas bragging or gamey or even backfire. Something likeIm out partying at so and so. Its funny how hard these girls try.

A hint of lets-just-be-friends. If shes said something in seriousness like Youre not going to try to hook up with me are you?hows some other kind of resistance to moving out of friend zone, push back hard in the opposite direction. Tell her she can help you pick up chick


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when you go out. You also need to be careful with doing too much of this or she really will think you do intend to be friends with her. This works bwhen coupled with some sexual banter. Lets go out, but you have to promise not to hit on me.

Flirty texts vs. mushy texts.If you sense a girl is pulling away, you need to be very careful with sentimental texts. I miss you. Thinking aboutyou. Wish you were here. Lets say shes going to her hometown and might be hanging with her exboyfriend. Or is meeting up with some guy teally likes her. Or is just doing something super exciting like a modeling on a runway and will be getting a ton of attention. The last thing you wa

do is send her sentimental texts while other people are pouring on the validation. The best possible thing to do in that situation is shoot her a flirtyf some kind. CNN Newspoll: 65% of respondents say Im cuter than you. I think you should take me to the Coney Island and win me a stuffed

monkey.

Zero validation.If she is an attractive girl who likes attention, its possible she has a lot of guys showering her with lovey-doveycompliments. Do

e that guy. As above, keep it light and flirty. Or if you do validate, follow it up with banter. Youre so creative. I like that. Too bad youre such adork!

Dont return a call or text every once in a while. Again, you cant do this too often, but if it seems she is really preoccupied with other affairs anaking you for granted, you can simply not return a text or phone call. She may have ten guys professing their love to her, but the one guy that doeseturn her phone callor takes his sweet timeshell wonder about him. This is human nature.

Cut short phone calls, dates and interactions.This is huge. You be the one to end phone calls and dates. And tryo end it on a high note. Again, you are super busy. Gotta run. Dont talk longer than ten minutes on the phone ande out doing exciting things when you call. If youre out on a date with her, you could meet for one drink, be verylirtyand sexual and then tell her you have to run.

Let her be the last one to text.When you text back and forth, let her send the last text. Just drop off after that. Thisbviouslyhas its limitations but if you can work out the text exchange so that she sends the last one, its better.

Temper your text response time.The response time to her texts is in some cases more important than the actualontent of the texts. In these situations, I would normallywait a minimum of ten minutes to reply to her texts. Youre a busy guy out having fun, afll. If she is a slow texter, you want to mirror what she does. If she takes 45 minutes to return a text, take at least that time to return her texts. And he is particularly slow and it seems like she is making little effort, you could double-mirror. Take 90 minutes to return a text if she took 45 minutehe takes a day to text you back, wait two days to text her again.

f she asks for space or flakes, give it back twice as hard.This is huge. If a woman ever says anything like I need space. or hints that you areetting too close to her, you want to give her twice the space she asks for. This can actually be more effective in a serious relationship, because peo

dont generallyask for space when the relationship is at a more casual stage. So lets say you are seeing a woman, and she says I need space. I neake a week to think about things. Your response should be Thats a great idea. Lets take two weeks. This concept is important because when yre in an emotionally subordinate position, it is painful to give her that space. And she knows it. If you simply agreed to the space she asked for, yo

would be right back to where you started a week previous. But if you move forward and open the space up yourself, she starts to feel a yearning.

Do not ever push for her to come out and meet you. Let her take initiative. If she isnt taking initiative to invite you to meet up and you feel youo do this, invite her out, but if there is ANY resistance, do not push, get pouty or call her lame. Be as cool as possible with it and continue with sof the other tactics.

Do not ask her how she feels.At casual points in the relationship, asking her how she feels about you or yorelationship with her is 95% futile. Words rarely rarely change anything and only serve to dig you in deeper.Instead, take action. Pull away and see how she responds.

Do not tell her how you feel.If you sense a disinterest from her, that is the exact wrong time to tell her how yofeel and show interest in her. It will only crowd her worse and make you seem like less of a challenge. This is nsay that you cant connect with her in deep rapport. Deep rapport is the foundation for her feelings for you. Butthere is a big difference between you pouring out emotional neediness, i.e. I miss you and want to see you mor

ften vs. getting her to share her deepest and inner most thoughts about life, her passion, her childhood etc.

The above tactics can be very useful in a lot of situations, but they obviously have their limitations. Its up to you to decide whether they should be nto play.

ust like too much smothering can crush a burgeoning relationship, any of these creating space tactics can destroy a relationship in the otherdirection. Letting that kite go too much can send it crashing just as pulling too much can.

Posted inRelationships| 37 Comments

37 Responses

1. JayAllensays:August 7, 2009 at 3:13 pm


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Holy shit dude! its as if you wrote this directly about the last year of my life.

This is the most useful post you have ever written, because approaching is tough but its only a small part of the bigger picture.

I have discoved some of these on my own and I feel I have made some of the mistakes on my own. All and all, when used correctly, these tacare the most important part of maintaining your value in a relationship BRAVO 5 stars!

~J~

Reply2. petesays:

August 7, 2009 at 4:59 pm

Hey Eric, another great post !

All your tactics are great but i really think they are meant when the girl you are seeing is not that attracted to you yet or you don,t know how feels about you.

For example, i had a date last night, things were AWESOME ! it lasted 6 hours ! not a single dull moment, right after i left, she texted me sait was the best day of her summer :)

Come forward to today, i called (5pm) , no answer, i left a message saying it would be nice to see each other the day after I,m, in a way noputting pressure on her and giving her time to set up her night with me. Was i being needy because i called the day after ? i don,t think soshows i had a great time and i want to see her again. (she knows i aint busy im on vacation for another 2 weeks)

Reply3. Eric Discosays:August 7, 2009 at 8:29 pm

All your tactics are great but i really think they are meant when the girl you are seeing is not that attracted to you yet or you don,tknow how she feels about you.

No. You need SOME attraction or these tactics wont work. If theres nothing there in the first place, she wont miss it when you take it away

You are not using these tactics to get sexual attraction or to get out of friend zone. Thats done in other ways by being confident, being flirty,being sexual.

For example, i had a date last night, things were AWESOME ! it lasted 6 hours ! not a single dull moment, right after i left, shetexted me saying it was the best day of her summer

Come forward to today, i called (5pm) , no answer, i left a message saying it would be nice to see each other the day afterI,m, in a way not putting pressure on her and giving her time to set up her night with me. Was i being needy because i called the dayafter ? i don,t think so just shows i had a great time and i want to see her again. (she knows i aint busy im on vacation for another 2 weeks)

From what youve said, I wouldnt worry too much. It sounds like shes really into you.

But this is actually a really good example of using a bit of space to get her to yearn for you.

Spending six hours with a girl is a lot for when you first meet her. But okay, you had a great time and went with it. No problem.

But seeing her too soon afterward can feel like rushing into a relationship. She may start to feel crowded, question how much she likes you, Readwhy you should start all relationships casual.

Giving her a phone call the day after spending six hours on a first date is a bit much. And on top of that, asking her out in a voicemail is a NNo.

You would have been better off shooting her a flirty text. This would allow you to feel out the water a bit, see how shes feeling.

Hanging out the following day would have been a bit much also. You want to put some space in there, let her think about you. Let her miss

I recently had a client who went through the same thing. He met a girl, spent two intense days with her, and then it went no where.

Where do you go from there? Do you really want to spend that much time with a person every single day of your life even if shes your girlfri

It seems like this girl is into you, so I would just play it chilly. Be a cool guy. Let her take some initiative.


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Eric

Reply4. Nicosays:


holy shit! is just what i needed in the right moment of my life. Thanks man , i really appreciate it, is a life saver.

Reply5. petesays:


Well, she called me back after i left her the message and said she had something on saturday but sunday she is free. She asked me if i had anplans, i said something along the lines of :humm, im not sure, i dont think so trying to play it cool lol

She says shes going to a club with couple of friends (guys and girls which i alrdy know a bit) and she invited me to go with them should or wait for sunday ?

Reply6. petesays:


oh and by the way, your article about starting things as casual i read it already i would say 4-5 times because before, i was like the guy yogirl friend was seeing. Was always calling, txting, etc ,but now, i would say that i really improved, but as you can see, theres still room forimprovement

Reply7. Jon Jon Mackysays:


Great post, Eric.

I am dealing with this situation right now and these tactics are really helpful.

Reply8. Eric Discosays:


She says shes going to a club with couple of friends (guys and girls which i alrdy know a bit) and she invited me to go

with them should i go or wait for sunday ?

I think youre fine either way. How far have you gone sexually with this girl?

If I had already slept with her, I might be okay hanging out and meeting her friends.

But if there wasnt that much sexual escalation, you probably want to do something more intimate than go clubbing, unless you have a gamefor getting sexual. You dont want to hang out with her too much without getting sexual.

And, seeing her and her friends is a bit relationshippy. So my suggestion would be to wait until Sunday at least.

Eric

Reply9. petesays:

August 7, 2009 at 10:26 pm

there was some kino on the date but that is it we went for a motorcycle ride and she was really holding on ;) but besides that not that muview the clubbing as a nice opportunity to bring the kino to another level, since its loud i have to talk into her ear, be more close to each othdance i think it would be a good preparation and sexual tension builder for the date on sunday

Reply10. Bensays:

August 7, 2009 at 10:47 pm

This might be my favorite ofyour posts, Eric. I have been in this situation and have probably made every mistake you listed. I will internalizmuch of this as I can. Thanks for the advice.

Reply


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11. Eric Discosays:August 8, 2009 at 11:38 am

there was some kino on the date but that is it we went for a motorcycle ride and she was really holding on but besides that not that much. I view the clubbing as a nice opportunity to bring the kino to another level, since its loud i have totalk into her ear, be more close to each other, dance i think it would be a good preparation and sexual tension builder for thedate on sunday

When you say you are on vaction for two weeks, does that mean you wont be in the same city as her any more?

Hanging out with a girl for 6 hours on Thursday and then Saturday and Sunday is a lot. With women Ive been seeing for months I dont han

out with them that much. Even when I was in a monogamous committed relationship last year, I would not have hung out with the girl thatmuch.

There are people who are happy hanging around with each other that much, so I may be an outlier. But certainly this soon in the relationshipthats a lot.

Its a lot because you dont know each other that well yet.

Ive seen situations like this work out okay, but its not the healthiest way of ramping up into a relationship and feeling each other out.

Secondly, spending too much time with a woman without sexually escalating puts you too precariously into friend zone. Im not saying everneeds to be Master Pickup Artist and have this girl in bed in under three hours, even though thats my M.O.

But.

You need to start escalating the sexual interaction in *some* way. You must. This could start with simple hand-holding. And you dont neehold her hand for an hour. Hold her hand for a minute or two and then let go again and do it later.

Or is sit down next to her and put your hand in her lap. Anything to get the ball rolling.

Speaking into her ear is not enough. Its a good start, but you do that with your friends. You need to start bridging the gap.

Yes, dancing close with her will work.

My advice is this. When you do hang out with her, be sexual and fun with her. Do some sexual escalation. But dont be all over her. Talk toeveryone there. Let her see you talking to everyone. Be friendly with all her friends and get to know them. Really connect with them. Do not

by her side 100% of the time. There are few things that turn a woman on more than to see the guy shes with confidently interact with herfriendsboth male and female friends.

Eric

Reply12. stabZsays:

August 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Thanks for the feedback Eric. As for the kino speaking, this was always a tough part for me. Even with guy and girl friends, im not the kindguy who will touch a lot. Ive been working on it though.

Ive talked to some friends about it and some says go for it, others are not sure. I was thinking of asking her if shes doing a girls night out anso, let her be with her friends. Show her i have no problem with that :) and if i end up going, well like you said, i was planning to be the fun and talk to her friends and such.

Reply13. Wondermansays:


Im dealing with a tough ass girl right now and your post was a life saver.Thank you Eric.I have a question for you though:What would you you asked a girl out twice but for some lame reason you couldnt meet and then she asked you out after some comfort building but then cancethe date saying she was sick? How long would you wait to contact her? How long would you wait to ask her out again?

Reply14. Eric Discosays:


she asked me out after some comfort building but then canceled the date saying she was sick? How long would you wait to contacther? How long would you wait to ask her out again?


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In a day or two, ping hersend her a flirty text without inviting her out. See how she responds.

If its positive you could invite her out again. But I would suggest a day thats three or four days away since she is the one who canceled on without suggesting another date.

If she isnt receptive to your ping, send another in a few days.

Eric

Reply15. petesays:

August 8, 2009 at 10:56 pm

well, i took your advice eric. She texted me tonight saying im am i doing? i said im having a beer with some friends, what about you ? she me she is going to a club but not leaving too late (shes working in the morning).

So i said have a good night and text me tomorrow after your work, well do something.

Wow, for the first time in my life i wasnt being needy ! Now hopefully shell text me tomorrow ! lol if not, there goes my needyness that is gunleash !! (hopefully ill control it :) )

Reply16. Marksays:

August 9, 2009 at 11:02 am

I have a question regarding spending too much time together too soonNow that Im dating for the first time since college (its been a few years), learning how the real world handles dating has been difficult. Tcouple girls Ive truly dated have been very text-happy, talk on the phone a lot, and want to see each other a lot (one we saw each other 5 tim9 days! The other 3 times in 8 days, but talked on the phone for about an hour 3-4 times. Eek!).

Im not completely innocent in it all, but a majority of these interactions were initiated by the girl. Shed call, be the first to text, or ask if Iwanted to hang out or do something.

In hindsight Ive realized (in large part due to reading your posts, Eric) that this was obviouslywhat doomed any potential we had. But it waTHEY who called things off. I always initiated the first date (and was the first to call them after I got their number), but after that they seeme

be initiatingbut then once we talked or spent too much time together too soon, they surely felt things were going too fast.

So I guess what Im asking is how do you handle this? IM not feeling them being too needy or whatever, but somehow Im apparently comi

across as needy to them even though Im not the one initiating the conversations.I guess being busy is the easiest way to avoid seeing each other too much, but what about the texting and phone calls?

Reply17. Shivasays:


Great post Eric! Im waiting for your book, when will it be out, approx?

@pete..Great job controlling your neediness. But you need to work on it some more. Also its high time you got more flirty-sexual with hewhile amusing yourself. Send her these txt msgs at random times, even if she doesnt text you.

thinking of me? ;)

-

you : do u floss?she: yesyou : lucky girl !she : whyyou : i might let u kiss me ;)

you : do u floss?she : no


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you : i feel sorry for ushe : whyyou : i cant let u kiss me now

after a minute

you : stop sulking, just start flossing n maybe ill let u ;)

you : do u floss?

she : no replyyou (after a few mins) : I knew you dont.ewwww :(

Be unpredictable, have fun, tease her.

Alsogoing by your postsyou have been too available to her.

Have something to do tomorrow, dont meet her, be busy, have a life, if she texts u tomorrow, send an abrupt busy, later and dont text again all day.

Then, the next day tell her you are going to xyz on Tuesday night at 8 and ask her whether she wants to tag along ?

You lead and she follows. Thats what women want.Reply

18. T. AKA Ricky Rawsays:August 9, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Good stuff. Pretty comprehensive.

Reply19. Cameronsays:


Eric, if only your post had come a couple months sooner. Had a give me space convo with a girl Id been with for a few months, and ratherthan doing exactly that I pushed it further and exactly as predicted got absolutelynowhere.

Your posts never cease to impress me with accuracy.

Reply20. petesays:

August 9, 2009 at 10:55 pm

ahhhhh eric eric eric :)

I just kissed the girl im seeing !wow ! what a feeling, i remembered you said somewhere to kiss before the end because you get rid of thatakward feeling at the end. I kissed her just before opening her door. She was SOOOO ready for it and it is sooo true, girls are sexually recep

but they wont take the initiative !!!

Reply21. petesays:

August 9, 2009 at 11:10 pm

To resume what happened on the second date :

We went to play a big of mini-golf. I greeted her with the usual kiss on the cheek (near the mouth) and put my hand on her back while doing

We went to play and i thought her how to hold her club, doing so required me touching her hands and playing with her a bit. Then later on i let me show you how to swing it and i got behind her, the way you grind a girl in a club, and showed her how to swing. I had to think of cars

bike trying not to get a hard on lol

We then went to a bar where we talked, and was close to each other so i could touch her knee, her arm, etc.


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We left and as i was going to open the door of my car for her, i closed it, turned around to her and kissed her. She was waiting for it becausejust started kissing back, like she knew i was gonna go for it. She told me i was reading her mind (about the kiss).

I took her hands in mine, pushed her on my car and kissed her deeply, even went on her neck and collarbone, god it was good lol

Great fucking night !

Reply22. nonstopsays:

August 10, 2009 at 2:53 am

nice one pete.

Reply23. stabZsays:

August 10, 2009 at 7:39 am

Thanks !! :)

now, next step for me is not to be needy/clingy and smother her with phone calls Let her know i want her but not in a creepy way.

Reply24. busosays:

August 10, 2009 at 5:02 pm

GREAT post as always you got to get that book out ericReply

25. Marksays:August 11, 2009 at 9:41 am

thats an awesome post. I wish i had read that when I was back at uni!

Reply26. Javier_DCsays:

August 17, 2009 at 8:16 am

Erik,

This is a wicked sweet post. I wish I had read something like this a while ago to prevent messing up some pretty great opportunities with soladies. I can see this being applied as soon as you meet someone. Awesome!

I am curious if you have written anything on (similar to this advanced tactics post) on how to get out of the friend zone with a girl. You sai

You are not using these tactics to get sexual attraction or to get out of friend zone. Thats done in other ways by being confident, beflirty, being sexual.

Keep up these awesome posts!

Javier_DC

Reply27. John-esays:

September 13, 2009 at 8:49 am

holy cow, this post could not have come at a better time. Im basically in the same situation and realized my my mistake right after I made it

I hung out for the 3rd time with this girl my friend introduced me to and said was really into me. Friday night, I hang out with her and herfriendsgreat time, drinks, dinner, karaoke. At the end of the night, on the way back home in the car, I grab her hand and hold it for a little and put it back down. This goes on for a little bit until we reach my car. We talk for a bit, and I basically go for a kiss by asking if she wantekiss me, ive done that before where it worked, but my body language was offTHEN I asked if she wanted to date me!Damn, mistake #2. that time I realized my insecurity had come out so I stopped right there. She basically responded by saying that she felt it was too fast, and thwe could hangout, talk, and dance. Its a little awkward because I recruited her onto my kickball team and Ill see her again because of thatand we share some mutual friends..

Any thoughts?

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28. johnsays:November 7, 2009 at 12:56 am

hi . my problem she gave me hr numbr but whn ever i call she says i will call u later i am busy an never calls. i havnt meet hr frm past 6 monan she havnt saved my number also i called hr on hr birthday but she reply like ho is this. whn ever i call hr nw wht to do. need help.

Reply29. johnsays:

November 7, 2009 at 1:04 am

i have been seing frm past 2 years we r hi buy kind friends. i aave givn my best to to keep hr happy but not working. i flirt with hr but she do

like flirting to much. just 1 compliment an she smiles. an she even dnt like tocking to much whilee doing work outs. i just get 5 minutes hardtock to hr. i if i call she i am busy.if i asked hr out she will say i am busy. she is beautiful an she wants people attention. i used not to give hrattention thn she comes an tock somtimes she never stares also an she comes only2 days in a gym. dnt no wht to do. she realy ignores me. wmeet hr .

Reply30. Grifter101says:

July 14, 2010 at 6:15 am

This advanced tactics is a great refresher, i knew some of those tactics already but its good to have reminders.

Reply31. Brandonsays:

November 24, 2010 at 9:18 pm

Hey Eric, I notice that you advise to mirror a womans text/callback time if you feel she is taking you for granted. If you have already been don a casual level but you feel that she is loosing interest, would you use this technique?

For example, what if you text her Monday and she doesnt get back to you til Wednesday or Thursday should you slow track it to the point thyou are waiting a whole week to get back to her (essentially ignoring her texts and phone calls)?

This is a situation Im dealing with as of the last couple weeks. Reaching out to her, hearing nothing back from her for a while and then gettflooded with texts and calls as though my initial text or invitation was never sent. In the past when she did this I wouldnt get right back to heI didnt straight ignore her for days either. Is that something I should do?

Reply32. Guy-Without-A-Cluesays:

January24, 2011 at 5:25 am

Man, I so wish I would have found your site a month or so back. Talked online to a woman for 90 solid days before I ever got a date, after1 time going out I went face down on the pavement. She started not answering her phone, being busy all the time, totally blindsided me, aneedless to say, I just freaked. I whined, cried and complained, got mad and said nasty things. Sorry to say I was clueless to her game. Noshes told me to get lost, thinks Im a dangerous nutcase, and is back on the dating site where the two of us originally met. We had so much common and I found her very attractive to boot. Its reallyhard to take that Ive probably lost her for good,

Reply33. michaelsays:

June 23, 2011 at 9:26 pm

oh. my. god. this may have just saved my current relationship, thank you so much, im actually mind blown, i realize now i have what is callsocial anxiety and all the things i need to work on it

Reply34. RKsays:

September 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I can relate completely to this. My last stable relationship was over three years ago and in early 2010 I met a friend of a friend who was terrifWe connected a lot and she even took a bit of initiative at the start to email me and all but after a couple of dates (which were enthusiasticallaccepted) I started to make all the blunders described by Eric above. I texted more than was necessary, tried to call her each week even thougshe was either busy or engaged and did not return the earlier calls, in short I was a textbook case of how to appear needy and desperate. Inhindsight I cringe at the memories and the persistent texts that I sent so not me! Needless to say, she ignored me and emailed me months l

by which time my feelings had cooled.

Im again seeing someone and this time Ive taken care a course correction of sorts to avoid a repeat. It may be too early to say anything certainty but I now follow a principle of not texting first unless two-three days have passed and not following that up AT ALL. Rigid thoughmay sound, shes the one whos taken the initiative for the last two and a half weeks without a miss and suddenly I feel so much secure in th


13/13


knowledge that shes the one who wants to text me or talk to me. I know at some level I feel like a jerk but I dont want to open up too muchemotionallyuntil Im certain that shes totally into me.

This is the best piece youve written on this site Eric. Thanks !

Reply35. Suave.Dollsays:

October 12, 2011 at 8:18 pm

This was amazing advise, Im a very free spirited girl and tbh I find the amount of attention I get from men bombarding and irritatinghowthere is this one guy whose grabbed my attention more than any other guy Ive ever met, Im so hooked and intrigued and he does all these th

but to an even bigger extent probably because I am so free spirited and I think if all men did this especially with free spirited or attractive girthey would be very successful, especially if there is a natural chemistry or attraction. Men dont realise they can ruin very good chemistry by

being too needy, revealing too much and saying too much. LESS IS MORE.

Reply36. eltatasays:

November 28, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Thank you Eric, this is such a great article and piece of advice.

Now, you talk about a drop out, let her take all the initiative , etc., how do you bait her into doing this (take all the initiative)? Is it reallysomething automatic once you pull out she will suddenly start calling you, asking you out, etc., some women will display some more interonce you do as you instruct on your article but very few (due to social norms) in my opinion will go as far as to chase you like water in the donly because you pull out? what is your insight? Still great post.

Thanks,

Reply37. voxsays:

March 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I wish I had read this a year ago.. or found out about this site anyways. Ive been doing a lot of stuff wrong with many women after hooking uNot anymore though, this gots to stop! Thanks.

Reply

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