And All She Saw Was Love

7/27/2019 And All She Saw Was Love

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Posted originally on the Archive of Our Ownathttp://archiveofourown.org/works/404888.

Rating: Teen And Up AudiencesArchive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive WarningsCategory: Gen

Fandom: SupernaturalCharacter: Dean Winchester, Sam WinchesterAdditional Tags: Angst, Family, POV Outsider, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort,

Medical, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Sam WinchesterStats: Published: 2012-05-13 Words: 2543

And All She Saw Was Love

by stillwaters01

Summary

A lot could happen in a week. God had created the whole world.And she had seen Dean Winchesters destroyed.

Notes

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. Just playing, with love andrespect to those who brought these characters to life.

Written: 2/15/12 2/16/12

Notes: Set during season seven, this story came out of nowhere,written in anunplanned, emotionally exhausting marathon at a

bookstore caf. When I sat down, the world faded out, and the onlything that existed was this tale, coming through my hands in fournonstop hours of writing. I truly hope I did the characters andemotions justice. Thank youfor reading.

See the end of the work for more notes

The day Sam Winchester was admitted to Angies unit, the resident cat
http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Choose%20Not%20To%20Use%20Archive%20Warningshttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Teen%20And%20Up%20Audienceshttp://archiveofourown.org/http://users/stillwaters01/pseuds/stillwaters01http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Hurt%20Sam%20Winchesterhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Emotional%20Hurt*s*Comforthttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Medicalhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Hurt*s*Comforthttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Character%20Studyhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/POV%20Outsiderhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Familyhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Angsthttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Sam%20Winchesterhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Dean%20Winchesterhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Supernaturalhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Genhttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Choose%20Not%20To%20Use%20Archive%20Warningshttp://archiveofourown.org/tags/Teen%20And%20Up%20Audienceshttp://archiveofourown.org/works/404888http://archiveofourown.org/


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hopped up on the bed, nuzzled Sams left hand and curled up on top of it.

Angie let him lie as long as she could, checking vitals, PEG tube patency,and sluggish to nonexistent reflexes. She skimmed the spotty H&P again several pages of medical jargon basically amounting to we have no idea whythis twenty-nine year old had a psychotic break and is now pretty much

brain dead. Noting the chest tattoo and scattered scars on her skinassessment, she stretched the time as long as she could before having toturn Sam over to check for pressure ulcers.

Cmon kiddo, some of us have to work, she chided the cat softly, dislodginghim from Sams hand and depositing him on the floor. She turned Samshands, adding the ugly scar on the left to her notes. As she looked back up,the silent pillar of shock standing rigidly across the bed suddenly steppedforward, lethal grace a startling juxtaposition to the gentleness of the handsthat pulled Sam toward him and onto one side so she could finish herassessment.

Thank you, Angie said with soft surprise. You didnt have to.

Dean Winchester met her eyes for the first time since Sam had been brought

in, a flash of what must have once been aforce

of a personality surging intoa split-second, unspoken, but crystal clear response: The hellI didnt.

Angie watched Deans calloused thumb rub Sams skin absently as sheworked; an unconscious, intimate comfort. When she finished, he carefullyrolled Sam onto his back again, tucking the blankets protectively around theshell of his brother. The rest of Angies standard welcome speech died onher lips as Sams eyes rolled open half-lidded, vacant hazel that sliduselessly to his right, to the presence of the brother he no longer knew.

Dean dropped a hand to squeeze Sams forearm and collapsed into thebedside chair. As he went down, Angie caught a fleeting glimpse of thosestartlingly green eyes before they shuttered with his bowed head, andwondered how they could be so filled with grief, yet more vacant than hisbrain-damaged brothers at the same time.

And they said Sam was the broken one.

Angie hoped the compassion overrode the almost laughable reminder for


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Dean to call them if he needed anything. She had just met him, but shealready knew that the only thing Dean would ever want or need was lyingempty under his hands; the one thing none of them could bring back.

Angie quietly headed for the sink by the door. As she washed her hands,she thought she heard a cracked, Sammy, a voice as sandpaper rough as

the stubbled face. But she couldnt be sure. As the water stopped with adull rattle of old pipes, silence settled over the room again like a funeralpall.and it was easy to believe she had only imagined it, that Dean had no

voice left; the only reason he ever had to speak lying in a living death infront of him.

Angie stepped over the threshold into the hall and bit back a curse as shenearly tripped over the cat. She swore she saw a flash of something in hiseyes, an almost indignant irritation at having been displaced; yet he didntgo back in when Angie gestured toward the bed.

But every time she passed Sams room that shift, the cat was posted rightoutside the door.

***

Three days later, as Angie was flushing liquid Tylenol through the PEG for astubborn fever, Sam had his first seizure.

It was ten agonizing minutes of spasms and involuntary vocalizations, thesounds seeming to hurt Dean even more than the silence had. Angie stayedwith the both of them, observing and timing the seizure characteristics as

Dean made it very clear, without a single word, that he would do thephysical protecting. Once Sam went limp, Dean tenderly wiped the blood-tinged saliva from Sams cheeks and moistened the cracked lips with a wetswab.

Dammit Sammy, he choked, smoothing the long hair back with one hand ashis other skimmed over Sams chest, wrist, and forehead; an action thatmade Angie wonder if the vitals she was currently taking had any credibilityat all.

As she left to call Sams doctor about reassessing his anticonvulsant meds,the cat strode past her into the room. Fifteen minutes later, one of the


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CNAs came through the nurses station after changing Sam, paper towelsslapped over her freshly bleeding arm.

The cat had refused to leave the bed.

***

On the fourth day, Sam seized three times during her shift, and Dean startedtalking. Rambling. Remembering and soothing in an instinctive rush ofcomfort for the both of them. Childhood memories, urban legends, snatchesof classic rock songs, detailed mechanics of a 67 Impala a whirlwindglimpse of two lives cut down in their prime. Angie learned that Sam andDean were both horror fans, the stories pouring from Deans lips as vividly

as if he had lived them. And while their admission paperwork didnt specifya religious preference, she swore she heard snippets of Latin around talesof angels and demons.

The hoarse voice should have been a relief after days of stricken silence, butAngie almost yearned for those earlier days, because the desperation, grief,fondness, and sheer, earth-shattering lovein that voice..it was all shecould do not to break down sobbing every time she walked into the room.

Dean respectfully, but firmly, declined blood work to check the levels ofSams seizure meds, or to get another neuro consult, while continuing togratefully accept position changes, water and swabs for Sams mouth, andpain meds at regular intervals to ease any discomfort Sam may have beenfeeling..if he still felt anything at all. It was a laypersons unspokenhospice order comfort measures only for a body refusing to realize that itwas already dead.

So Angie honored Deans wishes, walking in and out of the soothing stream

of the young mans voice, as invisible to the weary, memory-laden green eyesas the rumbling bundle of fur that had Deans hand sandwiched between itsbelly and Sams chest.

***

On the fifth day, Dean finally asked.

Whats with the cat?


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He lives here at the facility earns his keep as a therapy animal. Youd beamazed at what a pet can do in this environment, especially with thedementia patients, Angie replied, turning the thermometer screen so Deancould see the result.

Huh. Dean looked at the cat curled alongside his and Sams hands,honestly seeing him for the first time. He earn a name?

Yeah, but were not the most creative bunch, she allowed herself achuckle.

Deans lips quirked, a gift of an attempted smile. You named him Catdidnt you? he groaned.

Were notthatbad, Angie laughed. His names Bobby.

Dean froze.

Angie frowned, gesturing at the lump of folded tissue where the cats tailhad once been. You know, cause of the bobbed tail? she tried to clarify.

Dean swallowed roughly, shuddered tremors running through impossiblystiff shoulders, a shine of tears filming his eyes.

Oh God, what had she done?

I..Im sorry, Angie apologized profusely for whatever she had justcaused. You want me to move him?

Dean blocked her advance with a firm, but gentle, grip on her arm. The cat

was looking up at him now, brown eyes focused on Dean with an almostuncomfortable intensity, and Angie suddenly felt like an intruder on aprivate reunion. Dean somehow seemed to tense and calm at the same time,until his whole body finally relaxed, air escaping lax lips with a sound equalparts relief and laughter. When he finally spoke, his voice was shaking


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under brimming eyes, but his mouth had eased into a soft smile ripplingwith too many emotions to count one she had a feeling only Sam could havetranslated.

His eyes never left the cat. I wouldnt dream of it.

***

On the seventh day, Angie walked in to disconnect the tube feed to findDean shaving Sams face. Dude, you never couldgrow a beard worth acrap. You could totally be rocking the evil Spock right now, he sighed inmock disappointment, dipping the razor into the soapy kidney basin andgoing back to shave the stubbled goatee he had left on his brothers face.

Angie snorted back a laugh as she moved into Deans line of sight. Eversince Bobbys name was revealed, something had shifted in Dean therewas a lightness to his movements, life in his eyes it was as if the roomsuddenly breathedagain.

Deans eyes sparked appreciatively at the understanding in Angies laugh,even as his attention and conversation remained fully with Sam. Man,Uhura was hotin that one, wasnt she?

Angie must not have hidden her blush as well as she thought, because whenshe looked back up, Dean was wincing guiltily.

Sorry, he grimaced.

She waved off the apology. Dont be. Id stillkill to have her figure.

She was rewarded with a bright bark of laughter as, with a final visualinspection, he set the basin aside, swapping it for a wet washcloth to tacklethe lingering shaving cream.

The girls will be by in a few minutes to bring Sam for his shower, Angiefilled him in.


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Sam, you sly dog, Dean grinned, grabbing a fresh washcloth and pattingSams face dry. Twochicks in the shower? Pretty naughty there, kiddo.

Bobby resumed residence on Sams chest as Dean discarded the used

washcloth on the bedside table. You get fur on his face, Im gonna shaveyou next, he threatened.

Angie swore, were cats capable of doing it, that Bobby would have rolled hiseyes just then. Instead, he stared at Dean for a long moment before finallycurling up but an inch or two further away from Sams chin.

Damn straight, Dean growled.

Angie dipped her head to hide the grin, and took down the PEG dressing toclean the site.

Hey Angie, you said I could sign Sam out for a few hours, right? Dean waswatching her work with an almost clinical eye, a hint of apology under his

question for not recalling her welcome speech that first day.

Of course. Just let us know when and well have him ready for you.

I, uh, was wondering if I could pick him up tonight. Take him for a ride.Theres supposed to be this awesome meteor shower and.

Angie glanced up at Deans strangled attempt to clear his throat andwatched his gaze slide to Sams face, something too intimate to be namedpassing through his eyes.

Well, the drinking might be a bit one-sided, he chuckled, an odd dichotomyof fond memory and breathtaking grief, but Sams always had a thing for

the stars.

Angie swallowed at the unspoken history there; a lifetime of devotedbrotherhood. Sounds perfect, she somehow kept her voice from cracking.


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Seven oclock okay?

Yeah, thanks, Dean cleared his throat again, a flush of embarrassmentcoloring his cheeks. Angie taped the new dressing in place, cleared off thetray table, and headed for the sink. Just before she turned on the water,she heard Dean mutter, See what happens, Sammy? You leave and I

become the emo one. That is sonot cool.

Later that evening, before reporting off to the oncoming nurse, Angie gaveSam a final check as he was settled in the wheelchair. Cmon Bobby, shelifted the cat from Sams lap after Dean assured her, once again, that hedidnt need any help getting Sam into the car, time to let these two go.

Dean gave Bobby another one of those layered looks Angie only wishedshecould decipher, before turning to her with a soft, thanks.

Youre welcome. Enjoy the show, she smiled.

Deans eyes slid to Bobby one last time before he got behind the wheelchair,slapped Sams shoulder, and pushed him into the hall. Okay Sasquatch,here we go.

The night nurse nearly jumped out of her skin when, at midnight, Bobby letout an agonizing yowl.

***

The meteor shower had been spectacular - one of the best in decades.

The Impala was found early that morning, parked in the open field of amountain overlook; a tiny black spot under tendrils of rising sunlightspreading through a sky that seemed to go on forever.

Theyd had one hell of a view.


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Wheelchair tracks to the surrounding woods led police to the ashes of afuneral pyre, a handgun, and two spent shell casings. Best they couldfigure, Dean had put a bullet in Sams head, laid down next to his brother onthe pyre, lit the fire, then shot himself.

The police called it horrific.

Angie called it love.

Hindsight was a tricky thing. Angie knew that Bobby settled in withpatients about to die, so she should have started watching and preparingfor Sams death, even if it wasa little odd how early Bobby had stepped inwith the Winchesters. She also knew enough about suicidal warning signs

that Deans suddenly bright mood should have set off serious alarm bells.Maybe it did.

Maybe she saw it all.

And maybe she just let it be.

All she knew was that she felt no regret, even as tightly controlled tearsburned the back of her throat just a wistful sadness for all those whowould never know the kind of love and devotion that had brought Dean tothe overlook, and that final gift under the stars.

After her morning rounds, Angie ended up in Sams room, finding Bobbycurled up on his pillow. She sank down onto the bed next to him, wishingshe could just curl into a mourning ball herself. I miss them too, shesighed. She had only known Sam and Dean for seven days..but a lot couldhappen in a week. God had created the whole world.

And she had seen Dean Winchesters destroyed.

Angie swallowed back a surging sob and reached for Bobby. Cmon kiddo,weve got work to do.

But Bobbys work was done.


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It took fifteen minutes of hysterical sobbing and rocking the cats cold bodybefore she felt her nurse managers hands. Another fifteen before shecalmed enough to convince everyone she could drive home. Housekeepinggot her a box and some linens and she tucked Bobby into her front seat.The rest of the staff had wanted to bury him, but Angie, in a voice that

wasnt her own, had insisted on cremation.

Three days later, as midnight brushed the mountaintops, Angie duckedunder moonlit crime scene tape and scattered Bobbys ashes over whatremained of Sam and Deans.

When she got back in the car, Ramble On came on the radio. She had

never been a Led Zeppelin fan, but she rolled down the windows, turned itup as far as it would go, and belted the lyrics down the open stretch of road.

And found only peace in how she suddenly knew all the words.

End Notes

- A PEG (percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy) tube is a feedingtube in the abdomen, inserted directed into the patients stomach.

- H&P stands for history and physical.

- CNA stands for certified nursing assistant.

- The episode of Star Trek: The Original Series that Dean isreferring to is Mirror, Mirror, where an evil Spock in a paralleluniverse has a goatee.

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And All She Saw Was Love