ANALYSIS PAPERSFeedback and tips for revision

DEFINE “THING”

“Thing” can be used sometimes Look for each occurrence of the word; if it can be

replaced with a better, more descriptive word – do that!

Example: Instead of “The homeless shelter provides food,

housing, and many other things to people in need.” Try to create sentences such as: “The homeless shelter provides food, housing, and many other services to people in need.”

DEVELOP A THESIS STATEMENT

Your thesis statement should: Mention your topic (the problem behind the

organization, or the organization itself) Breakdown that topic Preview the rest of your paper

Example: In analyzing the homeless shelter’s operations, it is clear that many people suffer from hunger, poverty, and unemployment.

PROOF READ

Proof read silently Catch spelling and grammar

issues Proof read aloud

Catch confusing phrases or misworded sentences

WRITE OBJECTIVELY Avoid first person POV: the use of “I” or “we” You can use first person POV when absolutely necessary

(discussing the specific details of your senior project experience) This should not be a lengthy portion of the paper!

Keep this section to about a paragraph, with small references to your project as needed throughout

Discuss the problem in terms of “people” Originally: I’ve seen first hand that hunger and poverty

affects so many families. It’s important for us to raise money and give back to these people.

Improved: Hunger and poverty affects many families. It’s important for more fortunate people to give back to the needy.

WRITE OBJECTIVELY

Use a third person objective POV when explaining the significance of a quote or paraphrase

Originally: “Sample quote” (Smith 4). This quote spoke to me and got me to truly understand the harmful effects of poverty.

Improved: “Sample quote” (Smith 4). This quote clearly discusses the harmful effects of poverty.

AVOID CLICHÉS

Clichés take away from originality Try to locate and replace clichés with original phrasing

Cliché examples: It was a dark and stormy night… Just In the nick of time, What goes around comes around Read between the lines One thing led to another and… Little did he know that…

CITE YOUR SOURCES

In text citations: “The Evansville Homeless Shelter seeks to help the

needy” (Smith 4). Works cited page

"Blueprint Lays Out Clear Path for Climate Action." Environmental Defense Fund. Environmental Defense Fund, 8 May 2007. Web. 24 May 2009.

Clinton, Bill. Interview by Andrew C. Revkin. “Clinton on Climate Change.” New York Times. New York Times, May 2007. Web. 25 May 2009.

WRITE FORMALLY

Your papers should be written academically.

Don’t use the same language you’d use chatting with friends or family

Seek to elevate your writing and word choice!

WRITE FORMALLY

Formal (Written to an unknown audience): I am applying for the receptionist position advertised in the local paper. I am an excellent candidate for the job because of my significant secretarial experience, good language skills, and sense of organization.

Semi-formal (Written to a well-known individual): I am applying for the receptionist position that is currently open in the company. As you are aware, I have worked as a temporary employee with your company in this position before. As such, I not only have experience and knowledge of this position, but also already understand the company's needs and requirements for this job.

Informal (Incorrect): Hi! I read in the paper that ya'll were looking for a receptionist. I think that I am good for that job because I've done stuff like it in the past, am good with words, and am incredibly well organized.