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1 Unit 4, Module 2: Written feedback © Crown copyright 2004

Module 2: Written feedback

Objectives

• To recognise the types of written feedback that best help pupils to improve

• To focus written feedback on the learning objectives and planned learningoutcomes of lessons so that pupils can see the immediate relevance ofcomments

• To develop a strategy to provide written feedback that will better helppupils to improve

• To contribute to developing a whole-school policy linking and clarifying therelationship between oral and written feedback

Resources

Slides 4.2.1–4.2.8

Handouts 4.2.1–4.2.5

Session outline

4.1 Introduction 10 minutes

4.2 Developing written feedback 35 minutes

4.3 Using written feedback 25 minutes

4.4 Ready for more? 5 minutes

Total 75 minutes

Pre-course task

Participants need to select two pieces of pupils’ work from Years 7, 8 or 9 thatthey have recently marked.

Each piece of work should have with it the learning objectives and the plannedlearning outcomes for the lesson.

Unit

4

2 Whole-school development in assessment for learning | Presenter’s Notes © Crown copyright 2004

4.1 Introduction 10 minutes

Show slide 4.2.1.

You will find it helpful to remind participants of the introductory point made inmodule 1 of this unit, namely that modules 1 and 2 of this unit, ‘Oral feedback’and ‘Written feedback’, are closely interrelated. Both focus on improving thequality of regular constructive and informative feedback in order to help pupilstake the next steps in their learning and make progress towards their targets.

Module 2, ‘Written feedback’, focuses on providing high-quality, detailed andinformative marking on a selective basis rather than cursory surface marking forall pupils on every piece of work. This will involve a significant change in markingpolicy for many departments and schools. This approach to providing writtenfeedback cannot work unless oral feedback is detailed, personalised androutinely provides the information pupils need to make progress.

The relationship between oral and written feedback needs to be agreed andembodied in the whole-school policy and must be explicitly shared with pupilsand parents so that what pupils can expect to receive is clear. Schools mustcontinue to ensure that approaches to providing feedback and its quality remainconsistent across departments.

Tell participants that research provides strong evidence to show how effectivewritten feedback can promote learning.

Show slide 4.2.2.

Say that these are the guiding principles for written feedback and will need to beborne in mind when formulating whole-school policy. Issues such as theappropriate amount and regularity of detailed feedback and the form and placeof grades, marks and levels will also need to be agreed and applied consistentlyacross the school.

Slide 4.2.2

Slide 4.2.1


Show slide 4.2.3.

Explain the following.

• Effective feedback depends on pupils being clear about what is expected ofthem and what they can expect from the teacher. Pupils should expect thefeedback they receive to explain what they have done well with reasons, andwhere and how they can improve. Where this is the case they are more likelyto engage with its content.

• The learning objectives and learning outcomes should be used as thebenchmark for the teacher’s oral and written feedback. They should beshared and made clear to pupils in advance of attempting the task. Forexample, if the learning outcome for the pupil is to be able to write a letter toa headteacher persuading him to agree to a school council, it is notappropriate for the feedback to concentrate simply on spelling andgrammar – it should focus more on the use of appropriate conventions forpersuasive writing in a formal context which will have been taughtbeforehand.

• Pupils should be given written feedback that provides clear evaluation oftheir strengths and weaknesses, prompts further thought and reasoning,and identifies the next step in their learning.

• To be able to identify the next steps in pupils’ learning, teachers need anunderstanding of subject progression and to be able to recognise pupils’misconceptions and difficulties.

Slide 4.2.3


4.2 Developing written feedback 35 minutes

Introduce this section by displaying slide 4.2.4 to show some research findingsinto feedback and pupils’ response to it.

Explain the following.

• Changing the way teachers provide written feedback to pupils, includingthe marking of their work, to make feedback more focused and selectiverequires teachers, pupils and parents to understand the rationale andthe process.

• Clear guidance needs to be agreed as to the regularity of detailedwritten feedback and departments need to identify the key pieces of workto focus upon.

• The use of marks, grades and levels and how these are recorded andshared with parents need to be agreed at whole-school level.

Task A (20 minutes)

Tell participants the following.

• The task involves looking at a range of teacher comments and suggestingwhether they consider the feedback to the pupils to be helpful.

• The participants are provided with handout 4.2.1 which gives:– a number of teacher comments;– some criteria to help participants judge the helpfulness of the comments

to the pupils.

• The criteria have been adapted for the task from the research findingshighlighted at the start of the module.

Handout 4.2.1

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her

com

men

tD

oes

the

feed

bac

k p

rovi

de

info

rmat

ion

to th

e p

upil

abo

ut:

whe

ther

they

are

th

eir

limit

atio

ns a

nd

a w

ay to

imp

rove

a

way

to th

ink

thro

ugh

on

the

rig

ht tr

ack?

enco

urag

e th

em to

th

eir

lear

ning

?th

e an

swer

for

corr

ect w

ork

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emse

lves

?

You

star

ted

off w

ell.

Unf

ortu

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ly y

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ave

mad

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me

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r in

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last

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equ

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hat t

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You

may

find

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elpf

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idm

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ulph

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Att

ainm

ent 3

Effo

rt 2

Yo

u ha

ve m

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you

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dwrit

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Your

spe

lling

still

need

s w

ork.

I thi

nk w

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ed to

talk

abo

ut th

is w

ork

inm

ore

deta

il.Ye

t aga

in y

ou h

ave

not c

ompl

eted

the

wor

k.

Wel

l don

e S

imon

. Thi

s is

a v

ery

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essi

ve a

rtic

leab

out t

he p

ros

and

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of n

ucle

ar p

ower

. It w

as w

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conc

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rhap

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ome

furt

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on.

Slide 4.2.4

Handout 4.2.1

Teac

her

com

men

tD

oes

the

feed

bac

k p

rovi

de

info

rmat

ion

to th

e p

upil

abo

ut:

whe

ther

they

are

th

eir

limit

atio

ns a

nd

a w

ay to

imp

rove

a

way

to th

ink

thro

ugh

on

the

rig

ht tr

ack?

enco

urag

e th

em to

th

eir

lear

ning

?th

e an

swer

for

corr

ect w

ork

?th

emse

lves

?

Wel

l don

e –

1 m

erit

A g

ood

‘bes

t fit

grap

h’. T

he c

oncl

usio

n cl

early

exp

lain

sth

e re

latio

nshi

p be

twee

n th

efo

rce

and

the

exte

nsio

nof

the

sprin

g.

Ther

e ar

e a

lot o

f ina

ccur

acie

s in

this

wor

k. P

leas

ech

eck

it th

roug

h ag

ain.

This

wor

k sh

ows

you

have

cle

ar u

nder

stan

ding

of

findi

ng th

e ar

eas

and

perim

eter

s. W

hat s

trat

egie

s di

dyo

u us

e to

calc

ulat

e th

e an

swer

s? W

hat w

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impo

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t ste

ps fo

r you

?

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You

have

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mor

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, whi

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brin

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arac

ter a

live

on th

e pa

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ut y

our s

ente

nce

stru

ctur

e is

not

as

varie

d as

Joh

n’s.

Exp

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ent m

ore

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sing

com

plex

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es.

Cra

ckin

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ece

of w

ork.

I lik

e th

e di

agra

ms

and

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inte

rest

ing

way

you

pre

sent

ed th

eim

pact

of m

an o

nth

e en

viro

nmen

t. K

eep

it up

!

Handout 4.2.1 cont.


Ask participants to work in pairs. Allocate the examples between themaccording to numbers. Explain that they have 10 minutes for the task. It is notnecessary to consider all the teacher comments in this time, but ensure variety.

After 10 minutes take some feedback and use the key points on slide 4.2.5to summarise.

Show slide 4.2.5.

Ask participants to read handout 4.2.2 and briefly discuss with a partner andtraffic-light those statements in terms of how they reflect their own practice (e.g.red – rarely, amber – often, green – typically).

Make the following points.

• It is important that feedback to pupils is related to their performance againstthe learning objective, not to the work of other pupils. If their performance iscompared with that of other pupils it can lead to low self-esteem.

• Pupils need to be shown they are on the right track. Comments like Yourexplanation about … is … are helpful.

• Where pupils need to correct or develop their work it is important that theteacher provides the time for follow-up discussions and pupil action. Asignificant proportion of teacher comments in books say:– Complete this …– Re-draw the diagram!– Add in your ideas about …Rarely do pupils respond to these comments nor do the teachers check.Pupils can only respond to comments if they are given time to do so whenthe feedback the pupil has received is fresh in the mind.

• Teachers should resist the temptation of giving the pupils the correctanswers where there is a process that pupils can apply. In mathematics forexample, it is easier to provide the answer to calculations rather than takepupils through the process of thinking the problem through.

Continue by explaining the following.

• Pupils often report that comments like try harder or be more logical aredemoralising and do not match their own perception of the work. Suchcomments are often subjective. Focus on the specific learning objectivesand outcomes.

• Comments such as good work and well done or lots of ticks and merits maysignify approval and can motivate pupils, but are not enough, as they do not

Slide 4.2.5Handout 4.2.2


help the pupils bridge the gap between present performance andfuture targets.

• Research shows that pupils and parents are frequently confused by effortand attainment grades. Grades encourage pupils to look for ways to get thebest marks rather than find what they need to do to improve their learning.Effort grades are subjective and can engender feelings of injustice.

• Pupils’ perception of what marks such as A+, C–, 5/10 mean is oftendifferent from what the teacher intended. This is because the mark schemeor criteria have not been sufficiently shared with the pupils.

• Research on marking reported in Inside the black box: raising standardsthrough classroom assessment (Black and Wiliam, 1998) indicates thatgiving marks to pupils can act as a disincentive. For example, pupils whoreceive 2/10 can be disillusioned and the mark can serve to reinforce theirpoor performance. Those pupils given 9/10 receive satisfaction but noincentive to keep improving.

Task B (15 minutes)

Ask participants to skim-read handout 4.2.3, Fiona’s work, in pairs. Tell themto note the structure – it includes:

• the lesson objective;

• differentiated pupil outcomes;

• the work of one pupil (Fiona);

• the teacher’s response.

Say that it is important to highlight that not all of the pupils’ work is marked tothis level of detail. The science department identifies key objectives in theirscheme of work that represent milestones in pupils’ learning. Thesemilestones are assessed and marked in detail shown in Fiona’s work ondiffusion. Other ongoing work is acknowledged in different ways, clarified in theschool’s assessment and feedback policy.

After 5 minutes, ask for comments about the science teacher’s feedback.

Show slide 4.2.6 to conclude, elaborating with the following pointsas necessary.

Handout 4.2.3

Task B

The following example of work is from Fiona’s logbook. All pupils complete this type of logbookat the end of the week in Key Stage 3. Logbooks provide valuable information about what thepupils have learned. Some work is marked in detail as indicated below because these itemshave been identified as milestones in all pupils’ learning. The objectives are shared with pupilsand the teacher uses the expected pupils’ outcomes to interact with pupils while they completetheir logbooks. This can now be related to the yearly teaching objectives for Year 7.

The lesson objectives are:

To be able to use a simple particle model to explain:

• why diffusion only occurs in liquids and gases;

• what happens when air is heated in a can with a lid.

(These are shared with pupils.)

The expected pupils’ outcome is a way of showing how pupils of different ability maydemonstrate their achievement.

A Uses the correct terminology to describe the sequence of the process when:

• two different gases diffuse;

• air expands and pushes and releases the lid of the can.

This is broadly related to level 4.

B Explains using a simple particle model or using drawings:

• how the particles in a gas are constantly moving, bumping into each other and the walls ofthe container. When two gases are brought together such as bromine and air, the particles’continual movement allows them to gradually mix together. By the end, the particles of airand bromine have completely mixed. This process occurs independently of the density ofeach gas. Start to relate the process of diffusion to liquids.

• how air expands when it is heated. The particles move faster and faster as the temperatureincreases. Finally, the number of collisions on the lid is too great and it is released.

This shows aspects of the yearly teaching objectives for Year 7 and is broadly related to level 5.

C Is confident in explaining all the outcomes broadly related to level 5. In addition can explain oruse drawings to show:

• why the structure of the solid prohibits the process of diffusion occurring;

• how the increase in energy of the air particles is linked to the increase in the number ofcollisions between particles and the walls of the can. This increases the force on the walls ofthe can and its lid. Finally, the force is strong enough to release the lid.


Handout 4.2.3Fiona’s work

Handout 4.2.3 cont.


Make the following points.

• The teacher’s comments are directly linked to the lesson objectives and thelearning outcomes. Fiona is working broadly at level 5 and the teacher’scomments are encouraging her to develop the ideas associated with level 6.

• The teacher provides positive feedback about how Fiona has exemplifiedher learning. (Give example from the handout 4.2.3.)

• Through the use of questions, the teacher is encouraging Fiona to develop agreater depth of understanding. The teacher is therefore challenging Fionato think rather than provide the correct answer.

• The comments are written in an encouraging manner with an opportunity fordiscussion with the teacher. There is an opportunity in the logbooks forpupils to raise questions. This can be used as a starting point for discussionabout developing ways of learning.

• Work not responded to in detailed written feedback is responded to in avariety of other ways, e.g. through peer and self assessment, lighter touchmarking and oral feedback to groups or individuals.

• From Fiona’s marked work it is easy to check whether she has met theobjectives. Planning the expected outcomes for pupils of differing abilitieshelps the teacher to challenge them during the lesson. It also saves time insetting the next steps in the pupils’ learning. In this case the teacher prefersto use questions to which Fiona is expected to respond.

• Giving written feedback in this way is time-consuming and demanding forthe teacher. In practice, selective but detailed marking of books makeseffective use of teacher’s time.

• Pupils need to be prepared to respond to the teacher’s marking. This isoften easiest through comments phrased as questions.

• The frequency of such detailed feedback needs to be explained in thewhole-school policy which should clarify the different types of feedback andtheir expected use.

Slide 4.2.6


4.3 Using written feedback 25 minutes

Task C

Participants have been asked to provide two pieces of work that they havemarked recently. Each piece of work needs to have with it the learningobjectives and learning outcomes for the lesson.

Show slide 4.2.7.

Ask each participant to select and re-mark one piece of work, reflecting onwhat they have learned from this module of training and considering thequestions on slide 4.2.7.

After 5 minutes, ask participants to work in pairs and discuss their re-markedpupils’ work. Slide 4.2.7 can also be given out as handout 4.2.4, which can actas a self-evaluation checklist for future use.

Show slide 4.2.1 again to quickly review the module objectives.

4.4 Ready for more? 5 minutes

Explain that the ‘Ready for more?’ section provides a number of possibleactivities that encourage teachers to trial the principles outlined in the trainingunit in their teaching.

Show slides 4.2.8 and 4.2.9 (also handout 4.2.5) and explain that theseprovide a number of strategies that teachers may wish to trial.

Slide 4.2.7Handout 4.2.4

Slide 4.2.1


To encourage a consistent approach in subject areas direct participants to theSubject Development Tasks. Say that these build on the generic principles inthis training unit and are aimed at embedding this practice in a subject-specificcontext. Some of the development tasks will be long-term and need to beincorporated in the department’s improvement plan.

Emphasise that these are best coordinated by the subject leader to ensure thatthere is an agreed focus in the department for the area of development.

The subject development tasks are aimed at addressing, improving andembedding AfL within subject practice.

The tasks are designed according to the following process:

The presenter should refer to pages 13 and 14 of the Guidance for SeniorLeaders for details relating to how developments in subjects may beapproached.

Slide 4.2.8Slide 4.2.9Handout 4.2.5

Identify

Plan

Do

Review

Refine and improve practice


Unit 4.2 – Written feedback

PowerPoint slides


PowerPoint slides



Slide 4.2.1

Objectives

• To recognise the types of written feedback thatbest help pupils to improve

• To focus written feedback on the learningobjectives and planned learning outcomes oflessons so that pupils can see the immediaterelevance of comments

• To develop a strategy to provide written feedbackthat will better help pupils to improve

• To contribute to developing a whole-schoolpolicy linking and clarifying the relationshipbetween oral and written feedback


Slide 4.2.2

Quality feedback

• Feedback to any pupil should be about theparticular qualities of his or her work, with advice onwhat he or she can do to improve, and should avoidcomparisons with other pupils.

• Feedback has been shown to improve learningwhere it gives each pupil specific guidance onstrengths and weaknesses, preferably without anyoverall marks.

Inside the black box Black and Wiliam (1998)


Slide 4.2.3

Written feedback

Factors to consider:

• pupil expectation

• teacher expectation

• shared learning objectives

• shared learning outcomes

• ideas of progression

• recognition of pupil misconceptions and challenges


Slide 4.2.4

Developing quality written feedback

In order to improve the quality of feedback there mustbe explicit expectations about it. Teachers need toexplain to pupils that, in line with school policy:

• they will receive detailed written feedback on theirwork periodically and selectively

• such feedback will be focused on key priorities(the learning objectives)

• such feedback will identify what they need to doto improve

• seeking help is an essential part of theirlearning and leads to useful discussion aboutways of learning

• feedback will require interactivity/action by the pupil

Formative assessment:implications for classroom practice

McCallum, B (2000)


Slide 4.2.5

Some characteristics of constructivewritten feedback include:

• focusing on the learning objectives selectively

• confirming that pupils are on the right track

• stimulating the correction of errors or improvementof a piece of work

• scaffolding or supporting pupils’ next steps

• providing opportunities for pupils to think thingsthrough for themselves

• commenting on progress over a number of attempts

• avoiding comparisons with other pupils

• providing pupils with the opportunities to respond


Slide 4.2.6

Teacher’s comments

• Relate to the lesson objective

• Relate to differentiated learning outcomeslinked to progression

• Give specific advice for moving forward

• Give positive feedback

• Challenge the pupil to think for herself

• Provide a framework to discuss work withthe teacher

• Expect a response


Slide 4.2.7

Analysing teacher comments

• Do the comments reflect the subject?

• Is the pupil’s positive self-esteem promoted?

• Does the marking reflect the lesson objectivesand learning outcomes?

• Does the selected piece represent a milestone inthe pupil’s learning route?

• Are the pupil’s next steps easy to see?

• Are there further challenges set?

• How does this compare with the original marking?

• How might pupils benefit from this approach?


Slide 4.2.8

• In a department meeting, look at a sample of pupils’work from a year group alongside the relevant partof the scheme of work:

– How well does the observed work relate to theplanned learning objectives?

– How effectively is the written feedback focusedon the learning objectives?

• Sample pupils’ work in a year group or class toestablish whether there is evidence that objective-based written comments are being acted on, andthat there are opportunities given for pupils toaddress the comments.


• Over the month, plan time in lessons for pupils torespond and act upon their written comments.

• As a department, or in pairs, look at the pupils’ workand evaluate the impact of focusing on objectives.

• In your department, agree key pieces of workfor the next term that represent milestones inpupils’ learning.

• Establish the marking criteria and share themwith pupils with explicit reference to standards inthe subject.

• Focus your feedback on these criteria and guidepupils on how they could improve.

Slide 4.2.9


Handout 4.2.1

Teac

her

com

men

tD

oes

the

feed

bac

k p

rovi

de

info

rmat

ion

to th

e p

upil

abo

ut:

whe

ther

they

are

th

eir

limit

atio

ns a

nd

a w

ay to

imp

rove

a

way

to th

ink

thro

ugh

on

the

rig

ht tr

ack?

enco

urag

e th

em to

th

eir

lear

ning

?th

e an

swer

for

corr

ect w

ork

?th

emse

lves

?

You

star

ted

off w

ell.

Unf

ortu

nate

ly y

ou h

ave

mad

e th

esa

me

erro

r in

the

last

thre

equ

estio

ns. C

an y

ou s

eew

hat t

his

is?

You

may

find

it h

elpf

ul to

go

back

to th

egr

idm

etho

d.

Your

poe

m a

bout

cop

per s

ulph

ate

was

inte

rest

ing.

We

need

to d

iscu

ss h

ow y

outh

ink

copp

er c

ryst

als

are

mad

e.

Att

ainm

ent 3

Effo

rt 2

Yo

u ha

ve m

ade

good

pro

gres

s in

you

r han

dwrit

ing.

Your

spe

lling

still

need

s w

ork.

I thi

nk w

e ne

ed to

talk

abo

ut th

is w

ork

inm

ore

deta

il.Ye

t aga

in y

ou h

ave

not c

ompl

eted

the

wor

k.

Wel

l don

e S

imon

. Thi

s is

a v

ery

impr

essi

ve a

rtic

leab

out t

he p

ros

and

cons

of n

ucle

ar p

ower

. It w

as w

ell

pres

ente

d as

a n

ewsp

aper

art

icle

and

I lik

ed y

our

quot

es fr

om d

iffer

ent m

embe

rs o

f the

pub

lic.

The

conc

erns

you

sta

rted

to ra

ise

abou

t nuc

lear

was

tepe

rhap

s ne

ed s

ome

furt

herd

iscu

ssio

n. W

e ca

n ta

lkab

out t

his

next

less

on.


Teac

her

com

men

tD

oes

the

feed

bac

k p

rovi

de

info

rmat

ion

to th

e p

upil

abo

ut:

whe

ther

they

are

th

eir

limit

atio

ns a

nd

a w

ay to

imp

rove

a

way

to th

ink

thro

ugh

on

the

rig

ht tr

ack?

enco

urag

e th

em to

th

eir

lear

ning

?th

e an

swer

for

corr

ect w

ork

?th

emse

lves

?

Wel

l don

e –

1 m

erit

A g

ood

‘bes

t fit

grap

h’. T

he c

oncl

usio

n cl

early

exp

lain

sth

e re

latio

nshi

p be

twee

n th

efo

rce

and

the

exte

nsio

nof

the

sprin

g.

Ther

e ar

e a

lot o

f ina

ccur

acie

s in

this

wor

k. P

leas

ech

eck

it th

roug

h ag

ain.

This

wor

k sh

ows

you

have

cle

ar u

nder

stan

ding

of

findi

ng th

e ar

eas

and

perim

eter

s. W

hat s

trat

egie

s di

dyo

u us

e to

calc

ulat

e th

e an

swer

s? W

hat w

ere

the

impo

rtan

t ste

ps fo

r you

?

You’

ve p

lott

ed s

ome

inte

rest

ing

shap

es. W

ell d

one!

You

have

incl

uded

mor

e ad

ject

ives

, whi

ch h

elp

brin

gth

e ch

arac

ter a

live

on th

e pa

ge, b

ut y

our s

ente

nce

stru

ctur

e is

not

as

varie

d as

Joh

n’s.

Exp

erim

ent m

ore

by u

sing

com

plex

sen

tenc

es.

Cra

ckin

g pi

ece

of w

ork.

I lik

e th

e di

agra

ms

and

the

inte

rest

ing

way

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Handout 4.2.1 cont.


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Handout 4.2.1 cont.


Teac

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bac

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Handout 4.2.1 cont.


Some characteristics of constructive written feedback:

• focusing on the learning objectives selectively

• confirming that pupils are on the right track

• stimulating the correction of errors or improvement of a piece of work

• scaffolding or supporting pupils’ next steps

• providing opportunities for pupils to think things through for themselves

• commenting on progress over a number of attempts

• avoiding comparisons with other pupils

• providing pupils with the opportunities to respond

Handout 4.2.2


Handout 4.2.3

Task B

The following example of work is from Fiona’s logbook. All pupils complete this type of logbookat the end of the week in Key Stage 3. Logbooks provide valuable information about what thepupils have learned. Some work is marked in detail as indicated below because these itemshave been identified as milestones in all pupils’ learning. The objectives are shared with pupilsand the teacher uses the expected pupils’ outcomes to interact with pupils while they completetheir logbooks. This can now be related to the yearly teaching objectives for Year 7.

The lesson objectives are:

To be able to use a simple particle model to explain:

• why diffusion only occurs in liquids and gases;

• what happens when air is heated in a can with a lid.

(These are shared with pupils.)

The expected pupils’ outcome is a way of showing how pupils of different ability maydemonstrate their achievement.

A Uses the correct terminology to describe the sequence of the process when:

• two different gases diffuse;

• air expands and pushes and releases the lid of the can.

This is broadly related to level 4.

B Explains using a simple particle model or using drawings:

• how the particles in a gas are constantly moving, bumping into each other and the walls ofthe container. When two gases are brought together such as bromine and air, the particles’continual movement allows them to gradually mix together. By the end, the particles of airand bromine have completely mixed. This process occurs independently of the density ofeach gas. Start to relate the process of diffusion to liquids.

• how air expands when it is heated. The particles move faster and faster as the temperatureincreases. Finally, the number of collisions on the lid is too great and it is released.


C Is confident in explaining all the outcomes broadly related to level 5. In addition can explain oruse drawings to show:

• why the structure of the solid prohibits the process of diffusion occurring;

• how the increase in energy of the air particles is linked to the increase in the number ofcollisions between particles and the walls of the can. This increases the force on the walls ofthe can and its lid. Finally, the force is strong enough to release the lid.



Fiona’s work

Handout 4.2.3 cont.


Handout 4.2.3 cont.

The teacher’s comments are transcribed below:

Well done, Fiona – an excellent explanation about the diffusion of bromine and air. Look at your particlediagram for liquids – how do you think the diffusion would have been different if we had used two liquids?

Why do you think diffusion does not happen in a solid?

If you are unsure about either of these questions, come and see me and we can talk about it.

Well done, Fiona – you really have a good idea about how the particles got more energy when we heatedthe can. But, why did this blow the lid off? Let’s see if you can fill in the gaps along the way … .

What happened to the movement of the air particles as you heated the air?

Why do faster moving particles put more force on the lid of the can?

(There are two reasons. Can you get them both? – a credit if you can!)

If you are unsure about these questions, come and see me and we can talk about it.

(John F. Kennedy School, Hertfordshire)


Analysing teacher comments

• Do the comments reflect the subject?

• Is the pupil’s positive self-esteem promoted?

• Does the marking reflect the lesson objectives and learning outcomes?

• Does the selected piece represent a milestone in the pupil’s learning route?

• Are the pupil’s next steps easy to see?

• Are there further challenges set?

• How does this compare with the original marking?

• How might pupils benefit from this approach?

Handout 4.2.4


• In a department meeting, look at a sample of pupils’ work from a year groupalongside the relevant part of the scheme of work:–How well does the observed work relate to the planned learning objectives?–How effectively is the written feedback focused on the learning objectives?

• Sample pupils’ work in a year group or class to establish whether there isevidence that objective-based written comments are being acted on, and thatthere are opportunities given for pupils to address the comments.

• Over the month, plan time in lessons for pupils to respond and act upon theirwritten comments.

• As a department, or in pairs, look at the pupils’ work and evaluate the impactof focusing on objectives.

• In your department, agree key pieces of work for the next term that representmilestones in pupils’ learning.

• Establish the marking criteria and share them with pupils with explicitreference to standards in the subject.

• Focus your feedback on these criteria and guide pupils on how theycould improve.

Handout 4.2.5


1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in A&D © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback in art and design

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important to consider how the key messages of the training apply to art and design. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subject developmentmaterial is intended to help you consider the key messages of the training unitand identify any areas requiring development in your department.

The following is a brief summary of the training unit.

Objectives

• To recognise the types of written feedback that help pupils to improve.

• To focus written feedback on the learning objectives and planned learningoutcomes of lessons so that pupils can see the immediate relevance ofcomments.

• To develop a strategy to provide written feedback that helps pupils toimprove.

• To contribute to developing a whole-school policy clarifying the relationshipbetween oral and written feedback.

Key messages

• The learning objectives and learning outcomes need to be the referencepoint for a teacher’s written feedback. These need to be shared and madeclear to pupils in advance of attempting the task.

• Effective feedback depends on the pupils being clear about what isexpected of them. Pupils should have an expectation that the feedback theyreceive will explain what they have done well, with reasons, and where andhow they can improve.

• Pupils should be given written feedback that provides clear evaluation oftheir strengths and weaknesses, prompts further thought and reasoningand identifies the next steps in their learning.

• To be able to identify the next steps in pupils’ learning, a teacher needs tohave a secure understanding of progression in the subject and be able torecognise pupils’ misconceptions and challenges in the context of thesubject.

The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach art and design.

To help you identify the appropriate starting point, the next section outlines a self-review that directs you to the material that will best support yourdepartmental development.

Unit

4Module 4.2


Reviewing existing practice in written feedback

The table below provides a tool for a department to self-review current practiceand to help identify an appropriate starting point.

As a department, agree and highlight the statements below that best reflect thepractice of the whole department. At the bottom of each column is a referenceto the tasks that will support your current practice and provide the appropriatematerial to develop from this point.

Having completed this review you should read ‘Making effective use of thesubject development material’ on the next page.

Focusing

The departmental policyfor providing writtenfeedback does not relateto whole-school policy.

The subject leader hasidentified:• a variety of disparate

approaches to writtenfeedback, e.g. amixture of commentsand different gradingswithin the department

• that written feedbackoften does not relatedirectly to the learningobjectives and learningoutcomes for thelesson in which thework was carried out

• that some teachers do not provideopportunities for pupilsto act on theirfeedback.

The subject leader hasidentified that:• pupils cannot connect

the written feedback tothe learning objectivesfor the lesson

• pupils typically do notunderstand thefeedback given

• pupils tend not to actupon written feedback.

Start with Task 4.2A

Developing

The departmental policyfor providing writtenfeedback relates to whole-school policy.

There is a consistency ofapproach to writtenfeedback developingacross the department.

Written feedback oftendirectly relates to thelearning objectives andoutcomes but this is notconsistent across thedepartment and/or keystages.

Written feedbackincreasingly clarifies forpupils precisely what theyneed to do to improve.Opportunities for pupils toact on teacher feedbackare usually provided.

Most pupils understandthat written feedback isrelated to the learningobjectives and outcomesof the lesson.

Most pupils in lessons canexplain what the writtenfeedback means and canact upon it.

Start with Task 4.2A or4.2B

Establishing

Whole-school anddepartmental policiesemphasise theimportance of referencinglearning objectives inwritten feedback.

The department hasidentified learningmilestones and key tasksthat will be marked indetail.

Written feedback helps allpupils understand whatthey have done well andhow they can improve.

Teachers routinely providetime for pupils to reflecton, and respond to,written feedback.

All pupils know that actionis expected in relation tofeedback.

All pupils routinely usewritten feedback toimprove their work.

Pupil work showsevidence of a response towritten feedback.

Start with Task 4.2C

Enhancing

Departmental policy andpractice is consistent withwhole-school policy inensuring that writtenfeedback is based onlearning objectives andoutcomes and focuses onimproving standards in thesubject.

Departments across theschool have a coherentand consistent approachto identifying learningmilestones and key tasksto be marked in detail.

Written feedback informspupil target setting in thesubject.

Written feedback clearlyidentifies next steps forlearning and regularopportunities are providedfor pupils to consider andact on it.

Pupils routinely use writtenfeedback to reflect on the strengths andweaknesses of their workand to identify ways inwhich they can improve.

Pupils understand howfeedback relates to theirlonger-term goals and canset their own targets forimprovement.

Pupils are clear where intheir work they haveimproved it in response tofeedback.


Teac

hers

Pup

ils


Making effective use of the subject developmentmaterial

The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in art and design and provide guidance on how toembed this into regular practice in art and design lessons.

The results of the self-review will have suggested the appropriate task(s) that willsupport your department’s development needs.

To make best use of the supporting material the following sequence will behelpful.

1 Read the task and the supporting exemplification.

This describes how a department has approached the task and worked througheach of its stages. It is given as an example of how the task might be addressed.It is not intended that you follow this approach, which is given as a guide to theprocess that will support improvements in your subject.

2 Identify what the department did and the impact it had on pupils.

Discuss as a team the example provided and establish the key areas that helpedto develop this practice and the impact it had on pupils. It will be helpful toidentify the changes in teachers’ practice and how these impacted on pupils’learning.

3 Agree and plan the actions that will develop your practice.

As a department, agree how you intend to approach this task. Clarify what you are focusing on and why. The example given will act as a guide, but bespecific about which classes, which lessons and which aspects of thecurriculum will be your points of focus.

4 Identify when and how you will evaluate its impact on pupils.

The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in art and design. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupilsto learn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.

5 Having evaluated these strategies, consider what steps arerequired to embed this practice.

You will need to undertake an honest evaluation of what you have tried and theimpact it has had on your teaching and on pupils’ learning. One outcome mightbe that you need to spend longer on improving this area or you may be in aposition to consider the next task.

Other departments in the school will have been focusing on this area and youshould find out about the progress they have made.

You may find that some teachers in the department will require further time todevelop and consolidate new practice, while others will be ready to progressfurther through the tasks in this area (while continuing to support theircolleagues). Practice across a department will need to be consolidated beforefocusing on a new area of Assessment for learning.


The subject development tasks

The following pages provide exemplification of each task.

Task 4.2A

In a department meeting, look at a sample of pupils’ work from a year groupalongside the relevant part of the scheme of work. How well does theobserved work relate to the planned learning objectives? How effectively is the written feedback focused on the learning objectives?

Depending on the outcome of the sample, you may need to consider thefollowing steps.

1 Select a series of lessons that you will be teaching in the near future.

2 Check and, where necessary, sharpen the learning objectives in yourplanning.

3 Share these objectives with pupils in accessible language.

4 Inform the pupils that written feedback will relate directly to the learningobjectives.

5 Focus your written feedback on the objectives.

Further guidance is given in Unit 3, Objective led lessons and the relatedsubject development materials.

Task 4.2B

Sample pupils’ work in a year group or class to establish whether there isevidence that objective-based written comments are being acted on andthat there are opportunities given for pupils to address the comments. (The pupils could usefully be the same as those in Task 4.2A.)

Over the next month, plan time in lessons for pupils to respond and act ontheir written comments.

As a department, or in pairs, look at the pupils’ work and evaluate theimpact of focusing on objectives.

Suggested steps:1 Identify evidence of improved pupils’ response to these comments.

2 Identify comments that prompt further thinking and indicate clearly thepupils’ next steps.

3 Identify examples of good practice and agree to trial these over half a term in relation to one or more key units.

4 Ensure time in a department meeting to evaluate the impact on pupils.

Task 4.2C

In your department, agree key pieces of work for the next term thatrepresent milestones in pupils’ learning.

Establish the marking criteria and share them with pupils with explicitreference to standards in the subject.

Focus your feedback on these criteria and guide pupils on how they couldimprove.


Task 4.2A

In a department meeting, look at a sample of pupils’ work from a yeargroup alongside the relevant part of the scheme of work. How well doesthe observed work relate to the planned learning objectives? Howeffectively is the written feedback focused on the learning objectives?

Depending on the outcome of the sample, you may need to considerthe following steps.


2 Check and, where necessary, sharpen the learning objectives inyour planning.


4 Inform the pupils that written feedback will relate directly to thelearning objectives.


Further guidance is given in Unit 3, Objective led lessons and therelated subject development materials.

Context

Members of the art and design team, as part of their departmental review,looked at examples of feedback comments they had written for Year 7 pupils,based on the QCA unit of work, Self-image.

Process

Each teacher brought an example of written feedback for a pupil of above,below or average attainment in art, together with the piece of homework orclasswork to which it related.

They noted that much of teachers’ assessment in art lessons is determinedthrough discussion and questioning with individuals and groups of pupils. Theyused written comments to further enable pupils to reflect independently on theirprogress, both during lessons and in their own time. The comments also servedto model writing, thus contributing to pupils’ skills and confidence in literacy.Written comments accumulated to provide a record of progress and form abasis for discussion at key points in the school year, not only between teachersand their pupils but also between pupils and the pupils and their parents.

About the unit Self-image

The unit the department chose and adapted for this work was about exploringpersonal identity through visual means and the pupils had been gathering visualimages and making notes to support their work on a self-portrait. The mainclassroom activity involved a two-dimensional composition in mixed media,including a montage of digital imagery.


The unit’s focus is the expressive use of colour and tone, and the way scale,proportion and viewpoint in pictorial composition can be used to tell a personalstory. The pupils were introduced to Holbein’s The Ambassadors,Gainsborough’s Mr and Mrs Andrews and the self-portraits of Rembrandt, VanGogh and Warhol. These portraits of known individuals were contrasted withthe schematic portraits found in ancient Egyptian and Greek cultures.

Through this process, the pupils developed a pictorial composition that appliedwhat they had been taught about colour and composition from looking at thework of these artists. They were taught to avoid copying the style of any oneartist and directed instead to incorporate the visual principles of this stimulusmaterial into their own work. The pupils were encouraged to explain theirchoices in terms of their own intentions.

Pupils were guided to explore and use a range of means of developing theircomposition through montage and collage. They used a digital camera andscanned their own photographs for further digital manipulation using imagemanipulation software.

Individual achievement in this unit was supported by evidence of:• informed exploration of and risk taking with ideas and media• skills in recording and organising visual and tactile qualities to communicate

ideas and feeling according to principles of colour and two-dimensionalcomposition

• the ability to compare and comment on their own and others’ ideas and torefine them in the light of developing knowledge and understanding

• to annotate their worksheets and sketchbooks to explain why they haveused a specific technique or media and to reflect on the evolution of ideas.

The teachers discussed the following examples of written feedback withreference to the learning objectives and intended outcomes they had sharedwith their pupils. The comments set out in the table below relate to the pupils’rough drafts of their work and their sketchbooks. The department consideredthe appropriateness of the language for different pupils and the clarity ofrecommended actions in relation to the objectives of the unit.


Evaluation

The department focused their review on looking at the relationship between thelearning objectives that they had shared with pupils plus the written comments.They recognised that, when identifying pupils’ achievements, it is important thatcomments reflect all four strands of the art programme of study. For example,they became aware that they should not place a disproportionate emphasis onpupils’ skills in making and that they should also recognise pupils’ capacity forexploration, analysis and evaluation of their artwork.

Learningobjective

We will be learningabout selectingimages that showhow colour andcomposition helpto tell stories aboutpeople in pictures.

We will learn howto combinedifferent colouredand texturesmaterials andimages tocommunicateparticular ideasand feelings in ourpictures.

We will learn aboutthe questions toask in finding outabout art fromdifferent culturesand periods ofhistory.

Learningoutcome

We will be able toexplain in picturesand words, spokenand written, whywe think self-portrait paintingslook the way theydo.

We will produce a pictorialcomposition thatuses colour,pattern and shapeto tell a story aboutour own lives.

We will understandthat portraits canhave differentpurposes andmeanings and beable to explain thisto others.

Examples of written feedback(NB Text in italics is related to the attainment level of the pupil)

Above average pupil

‘You have chosen an exciting selection of contrasting artists’ portraits andhave explained your thoughts about them well. You have arranged the shapesin your self-portrait studies to create strong patterns and rhythms. The brightcomplementary colours work well with this. The ancient Egyptian look to yourideas suggests that you might refine your work even more in this style.’

Average pupil

‘Lots of ideas in your sketchbook – good! Your notes show that you havethought carefully about the different artists’ work. You have skilfully usedscanned photographs of your favourite things in a montage. Well done! Whichidea tells us most about you? Do you need to add or take away anything fromthe background for your self-portrait? What sort of colours work best?Dark/light? Dull/bright? Primary or tertiary? Use these questions to help youchoose your main idea.’

Below average pupil

‘You have found one portrait of an important person and have told us whatmakes them look important; good. You need more artists’ pictures to choosefrom, so that you can compare them. You have included a lot of detail in yourdrawing and have been very careful, but the lines are heavy and hard tochange. Try lots of quick sketches using your pencil more lightly, so that thingscan be changed more easily; just get those ideas down!


Task 4.2B

Sample pupils’ work in a year group or class to establish whether thereis evidence that objective-based written comments are being acted on and that there are opportunities given for pupils to address thecomments. (The pupils could usefully be the same as those in Task 4.2A.)

Over the next month, plan time in lessons for pupils to respond and acton their written comments.



2 Identify comments that prompt further thinking and indicate clearlythe pupils’ next steps.

3 Identify examples of good practice and agree to trial these over halfa term in relation to one or more key units.

4 Ensure time in a department meeting to evaluate the impact onpupils.

Context

At a recent parents’ meeting, several parents said that the teachers’ writtenfeedback had helped them to understand and support their child’s progress inart. This was because the comments made it clear what the child needed to doto improve.

Process

Members of the art department decided to check on the impact that writtenfeedback had on the standard of pupils’ artwork over time. In a departmentmeeting they focused on pupils’ work from the completed Year 7 Unit, Self-image, from the QCA scheme of work.

They chose three sets of work from across the ability range: above, below andaverage as represented in each of their groups. Within the sample they aimedfor a balance of boys’ and girls’ work, which also reflected the ethnic diversity ofthe school.


Each pupil’s sample included a sketchbook and drafts, as well as the finishedpiece. The work was set out so that work done before and after writtenfeedback could be clearly identified. Before looking at the sample, the teachersrevisited the learning objectives and intended outcomes for the unit. Theyconsidered these in the light of the National Curriculum attainment target.

Evaluation

Teachers shared their views on the impact of written feedback on pupils’ workand explained their reasons. The following are examples from their discussions.

Learningobjective

We will be learningabout selectingimages that showhow colour andcomposition helpto tell stories aboutpeople in pictures.

We will learn howto combinedifferent colouredand texturesmaterials to createparticular effects inour pictures.

We will learn aboutthe questions toask in finding outabout art fromdifferent culturesand periods ofhistory.

Learningoutcome

We will be able toexplain in picturesand words why wethink self-portraitpaintings look theway they do.

We will produce a pictorialcomposition thatuses colour andcomposition to tella story about ourown lives.

We will understandthat portraits canhave differentpurposes andmeanings and beable to explain this.

How these contribute to the National Curriculum attainment target forart and design

Developing strategies for gathering visual information through:• drawing from observation, memory and imagination• selecting and manipulating imagery from secondary sources• gathering, assembling, collating visual information and notes to support

emerging ideas.

Developing skills in making through:• mark making• coordinating and assembling materials and images• using tools and techniques.

Developing strategies for refining artwork through:• critical skills• contextual knowledge.


Examples of effective written feedback

‘Good choice of artists and explanation. Yourquick and light touch drawing style has helpedyou to try lots of ideas. Now jot down yourthoughts about your different sketches to helpyou find the one that you want to use.’

‘Your drawing is expressive and full ofcharacter because you have included a fullrange of different mark-making techniques.You have used carefully painted harmoniouscolours in your studies for the main piece.Now try some combinations of contrastingcolours to compare the effects.’

Examples of ineffective written feedback

‘You need to collect more pictures to supportyour ideas …’

‘You need to work harder at this …’

‘You need to do more research …’

‘I would like to have seen more colour in this …’

‘The colours in this picture are too bright …’

‘Take more care in your drawing …’

What the pupil did in response

The pupil has added further notesto their preliminary sketches,revealing increasing clarity aboutwhat they want their self-portraitto say.

The pupil has produced a seriesof lively colour studies and hasreferred back to the brightcolours of Van Gogh and thechiaroscuro of Rembrandt,exploring the differentatmospheric possibilities of both.

The pupil has collected morepictures. Their collection is quiterandom and images are of poorquality, based more on what theycan find than on an informednotion of research.

These comments have made nodiscernible difference to thepupil’s work. The pupil has notreturned to the homework.

Teachers’ evaluation of theimpact

The comments support thepupil’s understanding of the artprocess and the importance ofthinking about how differentideas work.

The advice is specific,manageable and clearlyexplained. It balances praise withpractical advice. It leaves theinitiative with the pupil but offersuseful advice on the process.

Pupils’ responses to writtenfeedback may be morequantitative than qualitative,simply because they don’tunderstand the qualitativedimension of the task. Even if thenotion of research has beentaught, does this pupilunderstand?

These comments fail to explainthe underlying reasons for thesuggested actions. This takes the control away from the pupilplacing instead the emphasis on the teacher’s preferences.


Task 4.2C



Focus your feedback on these criteria and guide pupils on how theycould improve.

Context

The art department team wanted to identify ‘milestones’ in pupils’ learning overthe coming term, e.g. the giving of feedback in relation to the development ofkey techniques, such as the use of tone to define form and the expressive useof colour in painting.

Process

The department decided that key aspects of the work in the chosen unit wouldbecome the focus for detailed written feedback to pupils. The purpose of thiswritten feedback was to help pupils understand their achievement, progressand opportunities for improvement in relation to National Curriculum levels ofattainment in art and design over the whole key stage. The written feedbackwas intended to relate to the skills, knowledge and understanding thatunderpinned all activities in the subject, as well as those that related specificallyto the chosen unit.

Given the significance of these milestones, it was agreed that the process ofwritten assessment should be carefully managed to allow teachers time tomake meaningful written responses to the work in as much detail as necessary.This involved spreading the process of writing feedback for individual pupilsover several weeks during the unit and limiting the feedback to, for example, fivepupils’ work per week. Opportunities were also provided for pupils to respondto the feedback, thus reinforcing the need for the individual tutorial approach,which was felt to be good practice in art and design teaching, to be formalisedin a way that maximised impact and minimised workload.

The milestones were shared with the pupils, and teachers explained to them howthe marking policy would be applied and on what evidence it would be based.

About the unit Animating art

The teachers chose to focus their work on milestones with Year 8. The pupilsfollowed Unit 8B, Animating art, from the QCA scheme of work. Thedepartment’s interpretation of this unit was concerned with the use of narrativein art from different periods and cultures. They explored this theme through stilland moving images, and used traditional and new media. They used thejuxtaposition of imagery from the fine art tradition with imagery from modernpopular culture to show pupils how the human fascination with visual storieshas remained unchanged across the ages although the medium has changedalong with changes in cultures. For example, they compared narrative paintingson early Florentine renaissance wedding chests with Marvel comics. The unitlasted 10 weeks.


The marking criteria

The teachers’ written feedback directed pupils’ attention to the things theyknow, understand and could do at that point in their art education – the‘milestones’ in their learning.

It also indicated the things they needed to do to improve. Comments focusedon the pupils’ complete body of work at that point in time, including thesketchbook and drafts of the main piece.

The teachers identified the key strengths and opportunities for development intheir pupils’ work and related these to previous achievements and futurepossibilities.

The marking criteria related to the different strands of the National Curriculumprogramme of study for art and design with the ‘Knowledge andunderstanding’ strand underpinning the whole process.


The following examples are from the school.

Learningobjective

We will be learningabout the wayartists have usednew tools andprocesses toorganise ideas intosequences.

We will learn howto combine andsequence still andmoving images intelling a visualstory, usingtraditional anddigital media.

We will learn aboutthe way our workneeds to beadapted to aparticularaudience.

Learningoutcome

We will be able tomake connectionsbetween new andtraditional arttechniques.

We will produce ashort animated filmtogether withsketches andstoryboards to beshown to anaudience.

We will be able tochange anddevelop our workaccording to ourintended audience.

MilestonesThe criteria for marking pupils’ artwork are:

Exploring and developing ideasWorking beyond the expectationPupils’ drawings/plans/diagrams/studies/notes are freely and confidentlyexecuted. They are informed by a strong sense of personal direction, and areenhanced by the use of a range of media and sources.

Working at the level expectedPupils’ drawings/plans/diagrams/studies/notes use observation, memoryand imagination effectively to explore the visual possibilities of their chosenstory.

Working towards the level expectedPupils’ drawings/plans/diagrams/studies/notes are limited in theirdevelopment of observation, memory or imagination. This is because theyhave not used an approach to drawing that allows them to work quickly andfreely.

Investigating and making art, craft and designWorking beyond the expectation Pupils understand media and techniques and use them with skill andconfidence to express their personal interpretation of the theme.

Working at the level expectedPupils use media and techniques effectively to interpret the theme. Their workshows an effective understanding of the way drawing, composition and colourcan be combined to communicate meaning in their work.

Working towards the level expectedPupils’ difficulties with media and techniques mean that their ideas are noteffectively communicated.

Evaluating and developing workWorking beyond the expectationA high level of knowledge and understanding of the broad sweep of art historysupports pupils’ reflection on and development of their work. They use thisknowledge and understanding to enhance the personal dimension of their work.

Working at the level expectedPupils reflect on their work and make changes, adapting and refining theirideas and imagery to match their intentions and the demands of theiraudience. A good understanding of historical and cultural contexts supports this.

Working towards the level expectedPupils’ work shows little evidence of reflection or adaptation, instead keepingrigidly to entrenched patterns. They have not shown an understanding of thewider context for their work.


Evaluation

At the end of this process, the department used one of their scheduledmeetings to evaluate and review the progress they had made. They confirmedtheir earlier ideas about the process and suggested the following guidelines fortheir future work using milestones:• carefully manage the process of written assessment to allow teachers time

to make meaningful written responses to the work• spread the process of writing feedback for individual pupils over several

weeks during the unit• limit the feedback to a manageable number of pupils’ work per week• provide opportunities for pupils to respond to the feedback• recognise the importance of the individual tutorial approach, but ensure that

it was used in a way that maximised impact and minimised workload.

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in D&T © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback indesign and technology

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to design and technology. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subject developmentmaterial is intended to help you consider the key messages of the training unitand identify any areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach design and technology.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in D&T and provide guidance on how to embedthis into regular practice in D&T lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in design and technology. You will need to be clear on what hashelped pupils to learn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be howyour practice has adapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what hasworked well and which areas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A



1 Select a series of lessons that you will be teaching in the nearfuture.






Context

Members of the design and technology (D&T) team, as part of their departmentreview, looked at examples of feedback comments they had written for Year 7pupils. The comments were based on the QCA unit of work Designing andmaking for yourself. Each teacher brought an example of written feedback for apupil of above, below or average attainment in D&T. In addition to the comment,the piece of homework or class work to which it related was included.

They noted that teachers’ assessment in D&T lessons is determined throughdiscussion and questioning with individuals and groups of pupils. Teachersused written comments to further enable pupils to reflect independently on theirprogress, during lessons and in their own time. The comments served to modelwriting, thus contributing to pupils’ skills and confidence in literacy. Writtencomments accumulated to provide a record of progress and formed the basisfor discussion at key points in the school year. The discussions were not onlybetween pupils and teachers but also between pupils and their parents.

Process

The department focused its review on looking at the relationship between thelearning objectives that they had shared with pupils and the written comments.They recognised that when identifying pupils’ achievements it is important thatcomments reflect all the knowledge and understanding strands of the D&Tprogramme of study. For example, they became aware that they shouldn’tplace a disproportionate emphasis on pupils’ skills in making, but should alsorecognise pupils’ capacity for developing, planning and communicating ideas,and evaluating processes and products.


About the unit Designing and making for yourself

The unit the department chose for this work was about exploring designing formanufacture and manufacturing. The main classroom activity in the resistantmaterials’ area involved making a puzzle in a box for a manufacturer to giveaway as a promotional device. The box had to be made to given dimensionsand the puzzle designed as an interesting gift to fit inside it. The box thenneeded to be decorated to suit the design of the gift and to be finished in a suitable way.

The unit focuses on:• the use of prototypes, models or mock-ups in the manufacturing process• evaluating and modifying prototypes before starting a production run• using a range of manufacturing techniques and hand tools to cut, shape

and form materials safely.

Through this unit the pupils developed a prototype of their product that applieswhat they have been taught about materials, selecting and using tools and thecriteria that designers need to think about when designing and making aparticular product.

Pupils were encouraged to select and use specific hand-held tools andequipment to cut, join and form specific materials safely and accurately, and touse appropriate forming materials. They made a prototype for their product andused this to model their ideas.

Individual achievement in this unit was supported by evidence of:• informed exploration of materials and risk taking with design ideas• skills in modelling and prototyping, and selecting and using tools• the refinement of ideas in the light of developing knowledge and

understanding.

The teachers discussed the following examples of written feedback withreference to the learning objectives and intended outcomes they had sharedwith their pupils. The comments relate to the pupils’ rough drafts of their work,prototypes and their designing journals. The department considered theappropriateness of the language for different pupils and the clarity ofrecommended actions.


Learning objective

We will be learningwhat a designer needsto think about (designcriteria) whendesigning and making.

We will learn how touse a range of cutting,shaping and formingprocesses, e.g.sawing, and how touse specified hand-tools to cut and formspecific materialssafely.

We will learn to useprototypes, modelsand mock-ups whendesigning.

Learning outcome

We will be able to listthe criteria that adesigner might havethought about, e.g.cost, size, safety,maintenance, productlife, when designingand making aparticular product.

We will select and usespecified hand-toolsand equipment to cut,join and form specificmaterials safely andaccurately, and to useappropriate formingmaterials.

We will understandhow to make our ownprototypes, e.g. acardboard prototype,models and mock-ups, and know whenthese will be mostuseful.

Examples of written feedback

Above average pupil ‘You have chosen an exciting selection of additional sources ofinformation for your research and used these to develop a lot ofinteresting ideas. You have explored all your ideas well and used yourprototype and models to test your thinking. Well done! I like the wayyou have used the formal drawing methods we discussed to showhow your ideas have developed and how the testing you’ve done hasinfluenced your final design. It really helped me to understand thethinking you went through. I agree with you that your final designmeets your original design criteria. The recommendations you makesuggest that you have some good ideas for how to further developthis design. I’d really like to see some of these ideas.’

Average pupil‘Lots of ideas in your designing journal – good! Your notes show thatyou have thought carefully about the needs and requirements of theuser of your product. Your labelled sketches, your prototype andmodels help to show your reasons for choosing between ideas –good. You worked safely and quite accurately when you were makingyour product, and it is good to see you using a range of tools andmaterials. You have skilfully used ICT to model some of your ideas.Well done! Which elements of your design have worked the best?How have these helped you to meet the design criteria? Do you needto add or take away anything from your product to improve it? Usethese questions to help you complete your evaluation.’

Below average pupil‘You have generated one good idea from your research and yoursketches, model and prototype, though not quite complete, helpedyou to choose that idea – good. You need more sources ofinformation to help you develop your ideas – such as? You workedquite accurately and were able to select the correct tools. Try toremember the safety checks we need to use when working with tools.Use some of the other designing strategies we have tried to developyour ideas further and more quickly – just get those ideas down!’


Task 4.2B








Context

At a recent parents’ meeting, several parents said that the teachers’ writtenfeedback had helped them to understand and support their child’s progress inD&T. This was because the comments made it clear what the child needed todo to improve.

Process

Members of the design and technology (D&T) department decided to check onthe impact that written feedback had on the standard of pupils’ work over time.In a department meeting they focused on pupils’ work from the completed Year 7 unit Designing and making for yourself from the QCA scheme of work.

They chose three sets of work from across the ability range: above, below andaverage as represented in each of their groups. Within the sample they aimedfor a balance of boys’ and girls’ work, which also reflected the ethnic diversity ofthe school.

Each pupil’s sample included a designing journal, a prototype and a model, aswell as the finished product. The work was set out so that work done beforeand after written feedback could be clearly identified. Before looking at thesample, the teachers revisited the learning objectives and intended outcomesfor the unit. They considered these in the light of the National Curriculumattainment target.


Teachers shared their views on the impact of written feedback on pupils’ workand explained their reasons. The following are examples from the school.

Learning objective

We will be learningwhat a designer needsto think about (designcriteria) whendesigning and making.

We will learn how touse a range of cutting,shaping and formingprocesses, e.g.sawing, and how touse specified hand-tools to cut and formspecific materialssafely.

We will learn to useprototypes, modelsand mock-ups whendesigning.

Learning outcome

We will be able to listthe criteria that adesigner might havethought about, e.g.cost, size, safety,maintenance, productlife, when designingand making aparticular product.

We will select and usespecified hand-toolsand equipment to cut,join and form specificmaterials safely andaccurately, and to useappropriate formingmaterials.

We will understandhow to make our ownprototypes, e.g. acardboard prototype,models and mock-ups, and know whenthese will be mostuseful.

How these contribute to the National Curriculum attainmenttarget for D&T

Developing strategies for developing planning and communicatingideas through:• identifying and using relevant sources of information, including

ICT• developing criteria for their designs• generating design proposals that match the criteria.

Developing skills in working with tools, equipment, materials andcomponents to produce quality products through:• taking account of the working properties of materials• joining and combining materials and ready-made components• selecting and using tools, equipment and processes.

Developing strategies for refining D&T work through:• evaluating their design ideas and using models, mock-ups and

prototypes to test and explore their work• identifying and using criteria to judge the quality of products.


‘Good range of ideas and explanation. Yourresearch and models have helped you to trylots of ideas. Now develop your designproposal in line with the design criteria tohelp you decide which of your ideas youwant to develop.’

‘Your making skills are accurate, with goodattention to safety considerations. Now, tryto plan the stages of your making. Use theflowchart model you learnt about in your lasttextiles unit. Try to predict the time you thinkyou will need for each stage. This will help tomake sure that you complete your producton time.’

‘Now try some “red hat thinking” to come upwith some creative solutions for thedecorative design for your product.’ [Redhat thinking is an approach drawn from thethinking hats work of Edward de Bono in Sixthinking hats, published by Penguin (2000)]


The pupil has developed theirdesign proposal and decidedwhich of their ideas they want todevelop further. They have begunto make a prototype of their idea,revealing increasing clarity aboutwhat they want their final productto be like.

The pupil has produced aneffective plan for developing andcompleting their work within thetime allowed. They have drawn ontechniques used in other D&Tareas and transferred their skillseffectively.


The comments support the pupil’sunderstanding of the designingand making process and theimportance of thinking about howdifferent ideas can be developed.

The advice is specific, manageableand clearly explained. It balancespraise with practical advice. Itleaves the initiative with the pupilbut offers useful advice on theprocess.


Examples of ineffective writtenfeedback

‘You need to come up with some more ideas …’

‘You need to work harder at this …’

‘You need to do more …’

‘I would like to have seen a prototype of this …’

‘Your product is not finished off very well …’


The pupil has come up with a fewmore ideas but they are quiterandom and are of poor quality,based more on the first thing thepupil thought of rather than on aninformed notion of research.

These comments have made nodiscernible difference to the pupil’swork. The pupil has not completedall of their work.


Pupils’ responses to writtenfeedback may be morequantitative than qualitative simplybecause they don’t understand thequalitative dimension of the task.Even if the notion of research hasbeen taught, does this pupilunderstand?

These comments fail to explain theunderlying reasons for thesuggested actions. This takes thecontrol away from the pupil insteadplacing the emphasis on theteacher’s preferences.


Task 4.2C




Context

The design and technology (D&T) department team wanted to identify‘milestones’ in pupils’ learning over the coming term. It was decided that keyaspects of the work in the chosen unit would become the focus for detailedwritten feedback to pupils. The purpose of this written feedback was to helppupils to understand their achievement, progress and opportunities forimprovement in relation to National Curriculum levels of attainment in designand technology over the whole key stage. The written feedback was intendedto relate to the skills, knowledge and understanding that underpinned allactivities in the subject, as well as those that related specifically to the chosenunit.

Given the significance of these milestones it was agreed that the process ofwritten assessment should be carefully managed to allow teachers time tomake meaningful written responses to the work in as much detail as necessary.This involved spreading the process of writing feedback for individual pupilsover several weeks during the unit and limiting the feedback to, for example, fivepupils’ work per week. Opportunities were also provided for pupils to respondto the feedback, thus reinforcing the need for the individual tutorial approach,which was felt to be good practice in D&T teaching, to be formalised in a waythat maximised impact and minimised workload.

The milestones were shared with the pupils and teachers explained to themhow the marking policy would be applied and on what evidence it would bebased.

Process

The D&T department decided to identify opportunities for detailed writtenfeedback within their unit of work based on QCA Unit 8B (i & ii) Designing forclients. The main aim of this unit is to develop pupils’ designing skills and toteach them about designing for clients.

In the food unit, pupils tackle a design and make assignment (DMA) on thetheme ‘Develop a food product range’. They redevelop an existing food productthat is either local or famous, presenting a basic design that can be varied orpersonalised for particular clients.

In the resistant materials’ unit, pupils tackle a DMA on the theme ‘Personal lightsource’. They develop a torch that uses a membrane switch and can be easilystored in a personal organiser. Their torch should carry promotional graphicsand be of a basic design that can be varied or personalised for particular clients.


As a team, the food and resistant materials’ teachers identified two relatedpieces within the unit that would allow students to apply learning from the firstpiece to the second piece. They chose the following written outcomes fromtheir medium-term plan.

1 Their designing journal/folio of research evidence.

2 Their written evaluation of their product.

The unit lasted eight weeks.


The teachers’ written feedback directed pupils’ attention to the things theyknow, understand and could do at that point in their D&T education – the‘milestones’ in their learning.

It also indicated the things they needed to do to improve. Comments focusedon the pupils’ complete body of work at that point in time, including thesketchbook, folios of work and drafts of their evaluations.

The teachers identified the key strengths and opportunities for development intheir pupils’ work, and related these to previous achievements and futurepossibilities.

The marking criteria related to the different strands of the National Curriculumprogramme of study for design and technology with the ‘Knowledge andunderstanding’ strand underpinning the whole process.

The examples on the following page are from the school.


Learning objective

We will be learningabout the waydesigners usesketchbooks andfolios to recordthoughts and designexplorations.

We will learn how toevaluate the productwe have developed,and explain how wehave achieved ourdesign proposals and makerecommendations forfurther development ofthis product.

Learning outcome

We will produce ourown sketchbook andfolio source material,and show that weunderstandconventions forselecting andrecording sources ofideas and inspiration.

We will produce apiece of written workabout ourinterpretation of ourproduct against ouroriginal designproposals, drawing onthe skills we usedwhen we evaluatedthe products designedby others in ouroriginal research.

MilestonesThe criteria for marking pupils’ D&T work are:

Developing, planning and communicating ideas

Working towards the level expectedCollect and use information from sources given by the teacher (e.g. alimited range of products, product labels or text books), carry outproduct evaluation on existing products, produce findings fromresearch.

Working at the level expected(In addition) carry out some research without the help of the teacher,use various sources of information (e.g. a retail surveyor Internetsearch), choose appropriate criteria to compare those products,produce findings and conclusions that will help clarify design ideas.

Working beyond the expectation(In addition) research users’ views, evaluate both the form and functionof existing products (e.g. a chart with an analysis of the appearance ofa range of products and how this impacts on what the products aremeant to do) and use this information to clarify design thinking.

Evaluating processes and products

Working towards the level expectedCompare the product with the design specification, and identifysuccessful and weak parts of the work.

Working at the level expectedEvaluate how well they have achieved their original design proposaland make recommendations for further development of the product.

Working beyond the expectation Choose and use suitable criteria (including user opinion and practicaltesting) to evaluate the performance of their design ideas and theirproduct in development, and implement suggested improvements.

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in English © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback inEnglish

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to English. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subject development material isintended to help you consider the key messages of the training unit and identifyany areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach English.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development or extension of written feedback in English and provide guidance on how toembed this into regular practice in English lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in English. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupils tolearn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

The English department in school J had noted that in the previous summer’stest papers pupils were generally weaker at writing than reading but also thathigher band marks were rare on the Shakespeare answers. Departmentmembers wanted to see how their feedback to pupils assisted them in movingon and how this might be made more effective.

Process

The department sampled a cross-section of Year 9 pupils’ work covering allpupil groups and teaching sets. It followed the guidelines set out in Organising a work sample, page 6.

Six golden rules for effective work sampling

• Begin with a clear and explicit focus, hypothesis or lead question.

• Establish who is to be responsible for the organisation, management,coordination and evaluative summarising of the activity.

• Prepare a guiding aide-memoire that provides a framework for enquiry.

• Select a sample of pupils’ work, based on existing knowledge, which willprovide the best evidence, within the constraints of time available.

• Discuss and agree the main features that emerge from the work seen.

• Draw up a practicable action plan that can be implemented by subjectdepartments and track its impact by re-sampling pupils over time.


The sample of pupils’ work

The sample of pupils’ work covered the middle section of the department’sscheme of work on Macbeth. The main written outcome from this section was a balanced analysis of two film versions of Macbeth. The Year 9 Frameworkobjectives from the scheme of work relating to this piece of writing were R10and Wr16.

R10: Comment on interpretations of the same text or idea in differentmedia, using terms appropriate for critical analysis.

This was expressed to the pupils as: To understand how two film directors caninterpret the same scene in different ways.

Examples of success features

• Can understand an idea in the original text.

• Can describe different interpretations of that idea.

• Can explain how an idea is presented in different media in different ways.

• Can explain the impact of different interpretations of an idea on thereader/viewer.

• Can use appropriate terms for critical analysis.

Wr16: Present a balanced analysis of a situation, text, issue or set ofideas, taking into account a range of evidence and opinions.

This was expressed to the pupils as: To be able to write a balanced analysis,giving evidence to back up your views.

Examples of success features

• Can use an overall structure appropriate to purpose and audience, e.g. useintroduction, development and conclusion in a discursive essay.

• Can sequence information, arguments and ideas logically and helpfully forthe reader.

• Can structure paragraphs appropriate to the task, e.g. presenting one sideof the argument first, then the opposing arguments in a sequence ofparagraphs; comparing and contrasting arguments or viewpoints within thesame paragraph.

• Can use connectives to signal the links between ideas, opinions orevidence.

• Can write in a formal, impersonal style, e.g. use of the passive voice, use ofthe third person.

• Can write using the vocabulary and grammar of standard English.

• Can integrate supporting evidence, e.g. quotations, references.

Department members were clear about focusing their teaching on theseobjectives and shared the success features with the pupils. The departmentused the Key objectives bank and Example QCA mark schemes, end of Year 9curriculum tests to establish the success features. The pupils were set thefollowing task.


Task: Write a balanced analysis of the two film versions of Macbethseen in class. Discuss the two productions, focusing on particularscenes, such as when Macbeth meets the witches. Refer to the textappropriately.

Once the task was completed the teachers came together at a departmentmeeting. They worked in groups and discussed different samples of work. Theyagreed that each group would write a commentary to share with the rest of thedepartment using the same sub-headings.

The following shows a sample pupil script that was considered in the scrutiny.

The two versions of Macbeth that we have seen both havestrengths and weaknesses. The Polanski version is eerie anddramatic but set in the correct historical period for theevents depicted. The television version is modern but isnonetheless disturbing as it shows the relevance of thethemes in the play to life today.

The scene where Macbeth goes to see the witches shows howdifferent the interpretations are. In Polanski ’s Macbeth, thescene is set in isolated countryside on a desolate beach andthe witches are really old and ugly. This makes us think theyare evil. Also they cackle a lot so their voices are scary.However, some people thought they were funny because of theway they looked and talked. They probably didn ’tunderstand the evil in their words.

In the television version, the witches are younger and arewearing masks so they seem weird. They skate aroundMacbeth on rollerblades in a car park so it is more modernbut some people find it difficult to understand why they arethere. One person thought they were disturbing because it islike a nightmare with evil things going round and roundyou making you feel trapped. They are like bullies on theplayground. This is frightening because it is something wecan relate to. I think this scene is more effective in thetelevision production because it is different. The witchesaren ’t just typical witches but are like something that wouldbe evil today.

Good effort. I like your introduction. Where’s the conclusion?

The teachers agreed that the task clearly reflected the objectives that wereplanned and taught for. They wrote the following commentary.

Commentary

How well does the pupil’s work relate to the taught learning objectives?

R10: The pupil has commented on the different interpretations of Macbeth inthe two film versions albeit at a basic and superficial level. There is no referenceto the play in text form and little use of appropriate terminology for ananalysis of this kind.


Wr16: Although lacking in a conclusion, the writing is clearly structured witheach paragraph focusing on a particular idea. The pupil refers to different viewsabout the film interpretations. The pupil adopts a formal style in places butdoes not sustain this. Greater use of complex sentences would allow the pupilto express ideas more fluently.

How effectively is the written feedback focused on the learning objectives?

The teacher has correctly identified the strength of the introduction and the lackof conclusion, though the comments are not clear enough in identifying exactlywhich features make for success. No clear indication is given about why theintroduction is effective or what steps the pupil might take to improve the piecein terms of writing a balanced analysis. There is no comment pertaining to thequality of the pupil’s analysis of the different interpretations of the text. Thecomment therefore reflects only one of the objectives taught.

Other books showed that quality and quantity of feedback varied greatly fromthe detailed and overwhelming to the scant.

Evaluation

The department agreed that the exercise had been valuable and membersnoted down the main points they had found useful that would inform their futurework. Their notes are shown below.

To improve written feedback in the department we will do the following.

1 Share learning objectives more effectively with pupils, using successfeatures to illustrate the component parts of the learning outcome andattempt to focus particular pupils or groups on specific areas fordevelopment.

2 Inform pupils that written feedback will relate directly to learning objectivesand success features. The learning objective will be written at the beginningof writing outcomes and we will trial various ways of ensuring that thesuccess features will always be visible during the writing process.

3 Focus written feedback directly and solely on the objectives and successfeatures with an indication of how the pupil might ‘close the gap’ betweenwhat is expected and what is produced.

4 Highlight in teachers’ comments at least two aspects of success and then amaximum of two areas for improvement along with an indication of what thepupil needs to do to achieve this.

5 Repeat the scrutiny at half term to see if there is increased consistency andto check that comments are more clearly related to success features of thelearning objectives.


Task 4.2B

Sample pupils’ work in a year group or class to establish whether there isevidence that objective-based written comments are being acted on andthat there are opportunities given for pupils to address the comments.(The pupils could usefully be the same as those in Task 4.2A.)







Context

Having sampled a year group’s exercise books (following the process outlinedin Task 4.2A), an English department decided to mark key pieces of pupils’work, focusing written feedback directly on learning objectives and successfeatures.

Process

It was agreed that teachers in the department would provide one action or activity to indicate a key way the pupil might improve the particular piece of work in relation to the stated learning objectives and success features. The action prompt would be differentiated to allow all pupils to respondindependently as far as possible to the teacher’s comment. Any other areas for development were to be ignored.

On receipt of their marked exercise books, pupils would be allowed 10 minutes’in silence to act on the teacher’s feedback. The time to respond to the actionprompts would be planned into lessons: the activity could be placed at thebeginning of a lesson, occasionally replacing the starter activity; time could beallowed during an independent practice phase of a lesson or as an activity to becompleted while the teacher was conducting a guided session.

Evaluation

After a month, the department met to evaluate the impact of focusing writtenfeedback on learning objectives and providing pupils with one clear way toimprove their written work. Teachers agreed to interview a small sample ofpupils from their class and complete the following grid of their findings topresent to the department.


After the department had discussed their findings, they agreed on the followingactions.

• To present learning objectives as sharply as possible and provide successfeatures.

• To continue to mark pupils’ written work giving feedback related to learningobjectives and success features.

• To ensure that time is allocated for pupils to act on feedback productivelyand to build this into short-term planning.

• To differentiate action prompts to allow all pupils to respond asindependently as possible (e.g. give specific choices for lower attainingpupils; provide a focused, precise question for most pupils; provide abroader, more open prompt for higher-attaining pupils).

• To respond to improvements briefly when next marking exercise books, ororally during guided work sessions.

Teachercomment/actionprompt

You have a clearintroduction, main bodyand conclusion to youranalysis. Can you find away of sequencing theideas in paragraph 3more helpfully for thereader? Redraft theparagraph.

You have maintained aformal tone in most of thepiece – good. Chooseone of these phrases toreplace the phrase ‘acouple of old blokes’ inparagraph 2: ‘two oldgentlemen’ or ‘a pair ofelderly men’.

You have used a goodrange of people’sopinions to support yourarguments. Sometimesthey need to be betterintegrated into yourwriting. The section onthe witches’ scene isgood. Use this to improvetwo other paragraphs.

What the pupilproduced in responseto the comment

The pupil re-ordered theideas into a more logicalsequence.

The pupil decided tochoose a different phrasefrom the ones suggested.She reworded the wholesentence, resulting in amore formal tone.

The pupil redrafted twoparagraphs. Rather thanquoting at length, heembedded some phrasesin comment sentences.

The quality of theresponse

Although the paragraphfollowed a more logicalline of thinking, ideaswere still not linked usingconnectives.

The resulting sentencewas much more effectiveand appropriate for ananalysis of this kind. Notonly did the pupil changethis phrase but also shechanged two others.

Given that the pupil onlyhad 10 minutes, he didvery well to re-draft twoparagraphs. The variationin the way opinions wereintegrated resulted in amore fluent andinteresting piece ofanalysis.

Other comments

The action promptneeded to be morefocused on connectivesto ensure that the pupilwas clear about what to do.

Giving this lower attainingpupil the choice of phraseprovided a clear model ofwhat was expected. Thepupil said the examplesreally helped and ‘got hergoing’ on the right track,enabling her to improveother phrases andvocabulary.

This able pupil couldcope with identifying thefeatures of the successfulsection unaided and thentransferring them to otherparagraphs. Afterwards,the pupil could explaindifferent ways ofintegrating opinions intowriting very clearly.


Task 4.2C




Context

An English department decided to identify opportunities for detailed writtenfeedback within its scheme of work on Macbeth. It wanted to identify tworelated pieces within the scheme that would allow pupils to apply learning fromthe first piece to the second piece.

Process

The department chose the following written outcomes from its medium-termplan.

The department decided to relate the marking criteria to National Curriculumlevels and marking bands from Example QCA mark schemes, end of Year 9curriculum tests. The criteria were shared with the pupils before writing and allwritten feedback related to the criteria. Pupils were shown models of answersat each level, with key features highlighted to demonstrate what the markingcriteria meant in context, referring to aspects of reading and writing separately.

When

Week 2

Week 5

Written outcome

Write a balanced analysis of the two film versions ofMacbeth seen in class. Discuss the two productions,focusing on particular scenes, such as when Macbethmeets the witches. Refer to the text appropriately.

You are the director in a team filming a low-budgetschool production of Macbeth. Explain how you woulddirect Act 5 Scene 5.

Reason for choosingparticular written outcome

This piece of work requires pupilsto produce an analysis of differentinterpretations of the text withreference to the printed version aswell. The notion of interpretation iskey to success in the piece.

Although not an analysis in thesame sense, pupils are required towrite about their interpretation ofthe scene. They need to be able toexplain an interpretation in muchthe same way as in the previouspiece. Able pupils will also be ableto compare their interpretationwith that seen in other films, againdrawing on the prior learning.


The marking criteria selected with reference to National Curriculum levels andprevious QCA mark schemes are shown in the table below.

Pupils’ work for the first piece was marked against the criteria and, as well asmaking immediate improvements, targets were identified for each pupil, to beworked on for the second piece. Pupils recorded this target at the beginning ofthe second piece to serve as a reminder to themselves when writing and to theteachers when marking. Time was allocated on both occasions for pupils to actimmediately on the written feedback provided by the teacher. The level for thesecond piece formed part of the termly assessment.

The department consulted the Reading and writing matrices for indicativeexamples of pupil targets. The writing matrix can be found in Englishdepartment training 2003, Improving writing. The reading matrix will be introduced in the core training Increasing pupils’ rates of progress in English 2004.

Evaluation

As a result of completing these tasks, the department met to evaluate theimpact on teaching in the subject and how pupils responded, particularly inrelation to standards. The following questions helped to structure theirevaluation.

• How has teaching been adapted to the key messages of effective writtenfeedback?

• How has providing written feedback related to learning objectives impactedon pupils’ learning?

• What more do we need to do to be more effective with written feedback?

Level

4

5

6

Reading Your interpretation of the scenes shows thefollowing.

• You understand the main themes.• You understand the character of Macbeth.• You refer to the text when explaining your

ideas.

• You can identify and understand the keythemes and ideas.

• You have a good understanding of thecharacter of Macbeth supported by relevantand appropriate quotations from the text.

• You understand that the text can have differentmeanings.

• You understand the effect differentinterpretations can have on the final outcome.

• You can justify your interpretation throughreference to the text.

Writing

• Your ideas are organised into paragraphs.• You use appropriate vocabulary and mostly

use a formal style.• You use some complex sentences to explain

complex ideas.• You use some connectives to link ideas.

• Your ideas are well organised into paragraphs.• You write in a formal style appropriate for the

task.• You use sentences that vary in length and

structure to express your ideas clearly.• You use a range of connectives to link your

ideas effectively.

• Your ideas are organised into paragraphs,which are linked backwards and forwards.

• You write in a formal, impersonal style.• You use a variety of sentences, recognising

their effect on the reader.• You choose connectives to develop your

ideas effectively.


• How do pupils respond to this approach to written feedback?

• How has it impacted on pupils’ standards?

The department agreed that the approach had been effective and that thisactivity had improved the quality of the pupils’ work.

Subject-specific references

Organising a work sample (DfES 0390/2003), page 6.

English key objectives banks, Years 7, 8 and 9 (DfES 0207/2002, DfES0206/2002, DfES 0203/2002) – assessment criteria can be used as successfeatures

English department training 2003, Improving writing (including writing matrix),(DfES 0505/2003)

English department training 2003, Improving writing – Improving writingthrough marking and response (DfES 0418/2003, DfES 0409/2003)

Assessment for learning materials – Reading, speaking and listening matrices(Unit 6, appendix 1)

Example QCA mark schemes, end of Year 9 curriculum tests (QCA,www.qca.org.uk)

QCA example schemes of work (QCA, www.qca.org.uk) – expectations sectionon front page of schemes can be used as support to differentiate comments

Testbase software – commentaries on standards relating to example answersin previous KS3 English tests

National curriculum in action (www.ncaction.org.uk) – commentaries onstandards relating to example pieces of pupils’ work.

Language across the curriculum, Module 11, Marking for literacy(DfES 0235/2001) – suggests ways of making marking time effective

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in geog © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback ingeography

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to geography. As part ofthe whole-school focus on this, the following subject development material isintended to help you consider the key messages of the training unit and identifyany areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach geography.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in geography and provide guidance on how toembed this into regular practice in geography lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in geography. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupils tolearn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

Following their whole-school training in written feedback, the head ofgeography in School A identified a variety of disparate approaches to writtenfeedback from the three teachers in the department. He was also aware thatlearning objectives and learning outcomes were not routinely referred to inwritten feedback. It was more usual for teachers to comment on the level ofeffort made by pupils in their work.

Process

The department agreed to select samples of work from three pupils in each oftheir Year 8 classes (one low-, one middle- and one high-attaining pupil) with aview to investigating how effectively pupil work and written teacher feedbackfocused on the learning objectives. Each department was asked to focus on an aspect of learning where they had already identified pupil weaknesses. (A methodology of how to sample pupils’ work is provided in Module 3,Sampling pupils’ work and views in the briefing pack for school strategymanagers, DfES 0389/2002.)

After some initial discussion and consideration, the geography departmentagreed to consider the annotation of field sketches as an area for development.Teachers in the department had found that this particular skill was under-developed, but had the potential to enable pupils to gain much higher levels ofattainment – particularly those for whom extended writing was challenging.Often, in work involving annotation, pupils simply added labels to an image andonly expanded on these by making simple statements of fact based onobservation. The teachers wanted pupils to move beyond simply naming andidentifying to describing and explaining geographical patterns and processesthrough the skill of annotation.


For this reason, the department decided to sample field sketches from their Year 8 rivers fieldwork enquiry. Appendices 4.2A.1 and 4.2A.2 provide twoexamples of work from two pupils of similar ability but in different classes taughtby two different teachers. The learning objectives and outcomes identified foreach class were identical.

The learning objectives were to:• be able to annotate a field sketch to show how river processes create

named river landforms• describe and explain how people have tried to manage river erosion.

The learning outcomes were to be able to:• name and describe the river landforms on the sketch• describe the river processes and explain how they interact to produce

landforms• recognise and explain how human actions have had an impact on the

landscape.

The lesson was pitched at National Curriculum levels 4 to 6 and required pupilsto engage with basic topic knowledge such as naming and describing, as wellas developing the skill of explaining and suggesting how people have impactedon the environment in order to manage it.

Evaluation

When the work was marked, both teachers provided formative writtenfeedback related to the lesson objectives and outcomes (see appendices4.2A.1 and 4.2A.2). The comments around the edges are those made by theteachers when they analysed the sample of pupils’ work at their departmentalmeeting.

In the first example (appendix 4.2A.1), the teachers’ comments providesupport in developing the skills needed to competently annotate an image.These ‘learning skills’ are identified as those that are necessary and transferableacross all areas of the curriculum, e.g. the ability to identify, describe andexplain. The intention of the written feedback was to provide achievableprogressive steps that would enable this pupil to write more complex and‘higher order’ annotations in future pieces of work.

In the second example (appendix 4.2A.2), the feedback comments are topic-specific outcomes of the lesson such as subject-based vocabulary anddefinitions.

In both of the examples provided, the type of teacher feedback has relevance tolearning and progression in geography. However, the second example focuseson the subject-specific knowledge, while the first emphasises levels ofunderstanding and transferable skills.


Task 4.2B








Context

Six months after the initial work sampling exercise (outlined in Task 4.2A) thedeputy head with responsibility for staff CPD (continuing professionaldevelopment) asked departments to sample the same pupils’ work to monitorwhether the formative teacher comments had been acted upon by the pupilsand to evaluate whether they made a difference to their attainment.

Process

The geography department had planned a lesson involving the annotation ofphotographs into their next Year 8 unit of work on urban land use, which wouldbuild on the field sketch annotation objectives they had set for the rivers enquiry.

The teachers had identified that there was often insufficient time for re-drafting oramending work immediately after receiving written feedback and, often, the topicis not revisited until the next key stage. This highlighted, for them, the importanceof emphasising the transferable skills from one topic to the next. By making theseexplicit through the objectives and outcomes of the lesson, pupils were far morelikely to transfer their learning from one learning context to another.

In the urban photograph annotation lesson, the learning objectives were to:• develop the skills of photograph interpretation• describe and explain how the decline of industry impacts on the urban

landscape and land use.


The learning outcomes were to have:• recognised, identified and described the key features of urban

re-development and land use• explained how industrial change impacts on urban land use• selected evidence from the photograph and from personal experiences to

support explanations of changing land use.

In the lesson, pupils were asked to reflect on the written feedback provided bytheir teachers on their rivers enquiry field sketches and to use this to inform theirwork on urban land use photograph interpretation. Appendices 4.2B.1 and4.2B.2 show examples of work from the same two pupils whose rivers fieldsketches are shown in appendices 4.2A.1 and 4.2A.2.

Evaluation

By analysing work from the same pupils, department members were able toevaluate the success of their written feedback. The comments are those madeby the geography teachers when they discussed the work sample during adepartmental meeting.

It is apparent that pupil 1 (appendix 4.2B.1) has made more progress whencompared with pupil 2 (appendix 4.2B.2), as he was able to transfer the writtenfeedback from one context (rivers) to the second context (urban landscapes)and use it to identify ‘next steps’ for improvement.

Pupil 2 maintains the same quality of work in both samples without makingprogress when judged by using ‘patterns and process’ aspects of the NationalCurriculum level descriptions for geography.

As a result of this work, the department agreed to repeat the exercise, focusingnext time on developing pupils’ independent use of enquiry skills in Year 9.


Task 4.2C




Context

The following case study relates to a geography department well advanced inits development of Assessment for learning. The focus of their previous year’saction plan was to collaboratively identify lesson objectives and outcomes fromtheir medium-term plans and to improve their sharing of the learning objectivesand outcomes with pupils. Following their whole-school training in writtenfeedback, they agreed to focus on identifying key pieces of work that representmilestones in pupils’ learning.

Process

The department began with a Year 9 unit of work called Flood disaster – how dopeople cope? Their starting point was to take the short-term objectives andoutcomes they had established in their previous development work and, usingthe National Curriculum level descriptions for geography, to identifyopportunities for progression both within individual lessons and across the unitof work. Having done this, they sharpened the learning outcomes they wouldbe both sharing with the pupils and using to establish marking criteria to showprogression within outcomes for each objective.

Appendix 4.2C.1 shows an extract from their planning for a sequence of sixlessons from the unit Flooding – how do people cope? The words in boldprovide a strong indication of progression that they identified as a department.Each of the six lessons had a broad learning objective as well as three specificprogressive learning outcomes. These were used by the teachers as themarking criteria, which would provide specific written feedback to pupils aboutthe success of their work and how they might improve.

The department recognised that although all lessons may represent milestonesin pupil learning there was a value in identifying specific areas to focus on withthe pupils for progress in attainment. In the example given, the targeted areasfor assessment were patterns of processes, views, values and attitude links andthe use of evidence.

Lesson 4 was chosen as a milestone in pupils’ learning and as a key task forwritten feedback because the objectives provide an opportunity for extendedwritten response as a useful summative assessment of each pupil’s capabilities aswell as the opportunity for constructive formative feedback. Furthermore, withinthis task there is a broad range of possible outcomes and levels of attainmentfrom describing patterns and processes, explaining different viewpoints, selectiveand evaluative evidence and recognising and highlighting links.


In the work example provided in appendix 4.2C.2, the pupil has engaged withsome specific milestones in learning, e.g. to select and evaluate sources ofevidence about a particular flood and to write a discursive account of the eventssurrounding the flood. Finally, the pupil is given the opportunity to formulate andjustify their opinions about why the flood occurred and to suggest who or whatwas to blame for its impact.

The comments in speech-bubbles in appendix 4.2C.2 indicate where there areopportunities for detailed written feedback and provide guidance on how thismight be done. They also suggest how feedback can relate to future objectivesand outcomes that the pupil will encounter later in the medium-term plan.

Evaluation

After they had delivered the unit of work, the department met to discuss theimpact of their use of the milestones on pupils’ learning. They noted in particularthat the sharing of the marking criteria not only had a positive effect on pupils’motivation but also better enabled them to transfer generic skills from one pieceof work to another. The department then decided to plan milestones into thenext term’s units of work and progressively to extend them across the wholekey stage.


Pupil 1: Example of work

Appendix 4.2A.1

In th

is s

ampl

e of

wor

k, th

ere

is e

vide

nce

that

the

pupi

l iscl

ear a

bout

the

task

with

out b

eing

cle

ar a

bout

the

inte

nded

lear

ning

out

com

es.

This

pup

il has

eng

aged

with

the

first

out

com

e of

nam

ing

and

des

crib

ing

the

feat

ures

in th

e sk

etch

but

has

not

mad

e a

grea

t dea

l pro

gres

s be

yond

this

to e

ngag

e w

ith th

ehi

gher

-ord

er s

kill o

f exp

lana

tio

n. In

this

exa

mpl

e, w

hile

cont

ent a

nd to

pic

know

ledg

e ar

e no

t ign

ored

, the

teac

her

feed

back

tend

s to

be

stru

ctur

ed a

roun

d th

e de

velo

pmen

tof

lear

ning

ski

lls. T

his

can

be c

lear

ly s

een

in s

ome

of th

eco

mm

ents

and

als

o in

the

targ

et fo

r im

prov

emen

t.

The

teac

her

prai

ses

the

atta

inm

ent a

ndm

akes

exp

licit

refe

renc

e to

the

skills

hig

hlig

hted

in th

e fir

stou

tcom

e (to

nam

e/id

entif

yan

d de

scrib

e).

How

ever

, thi

spa

rtic

ular

com

men

t doe

sno

t sug

gest

how

the

pupi

l cou

ldim

prov

e th

epi

ece

of w

ork

and

mov

e on

tohi

gher

-ord

ersk

ills.

This

pro

mpt

(and

oth

ers

like

it)su

gges

ts to

the

pupi

l tha

t an

exp

lana

tio

nw

ould

impr

ove

the

anno

tatio

n an

d w

ould

hel

pto

mee

t the

sec

ond

lear

ning

outc

ome.

The

teac

her s

ugge

sts

mea

ning

ful t

arge

ts fo

rim

prov

emen

t tha

t foc

us o

n th

e sk

ill of

expl

anat

ion.

Oth

er k

ey w

ords

suc

h as

‘pro

cess

’ and

‘fea

ture

’ are

str

esse

d, a

s is

ast

rong

link

to th

e ‘g

eogr

aphy

’ in

the

task

. Thi

sre

flect

s th

e le

arni

ng o

utco

mes

whe

re p

upils

are

aske

d to

nam

ean

d id

enti

fyla

ndfo

rms

but a

lso

stre

sses

the

links

bet

wee

n th

is s

kill

and

exp

lain

ing

the

pro

cess

esin

volv

ed in

the

form

atio

n of

the

land

form

.

The

teac

her h

as a

ttem

pted

to d

evel

op th

is a

nnot

atio

nfro

m a

sim

ple

desc

riptio

nto

the

high

er-le

vel o

utco

me

of e

xpla

natio

n. H

owev

er,

he c

ould

be

mor

e ex

plic

itab

out h

ow c

onne

ctiv

eshe

lp to

gen

erat

e be

tter

anno

tatio

ns. T

here

is a

mis

sed

oppo

rtun

ity to

enga

ge w

ith th

e th

irdle

arni

ng o

utco

me

–co

nsid

erin

g th

e hu

man

impa

ct.



Appendix 4.2A.2

The

teac

her p

rovi

des

anan

swer

with

out

expl

aini

ng w

hy it

is a

nim

prov

emen

t or h

owth

e pu

pil m

ight

ach

ieve

this

inde

pend

ently

. The

oppo

rtun

ity to

sug

gest

the

use

of c

onne

ctiv

esto

gen

erat

e ex

tend

edex

plan

atio

ns is

mis

sed.

Rat

her t

han

give

an

exam

ple

of h

ow to

exte

nd th

e w

ritte

nre

spon

se, t

hete

ache

r cou

ldm

odel

pro

gres

sion

from

des

crib

ing

toex

plai

ning

, and

high

light

how

this

exte

nsio

n im

prov

esst

anda

rds

and

wou

ld h

elp

the

pupi

l to

achi

eve

the

seco

nd a

nd th

irdle

arni

ng o

utco

mes

for t

he le

sson

.

The

teac

her i

sse

cure

with

prog

ress

ion

inth

is to

pic

and

sugg

ests

that

the

wor

k ca

n be

impr

oved

by

enga

ging

with

the

skill

ofex

plan

atio

n(s

econ

dle

arni

ngou

tcom

e).

This

targ

et p

rovi

des

subj

ect-

spec

ific

supp

ort,

with

pro

gres

sion

linke

d cl

osel

y to

geog

raph

ical

con

tent

.

This

task

is a

ppro

pria

te to

the

lear

ning

obj

ectiv

es a

nd p

rovi

des

pupi

ls w

ithop

port

uniti

es fo

r pro

gres

sion

from

leve

ls 2

to 6

of t

he N

atio

nal C

urric

ulum

for

geog

raph

y –

from

nam

ing

and

desc

ribin

g fe

atur

es a

nd p

roce

sses

to e

xpla

inin

gin

tera

ctio

ns b

etw

een

proc

esse

s. H

owev

er, t

he w

ritte

n fe

edba

ck p

rovi

ded

focu

ses

mai

nly

on to

pic

cont

ent.

The

writ

ten

prom

pts

mai

nly

enco

urag

eim

prov

emen

ts to

the

use

of g

eogr

aphi

cal t

erm

inol

ogy

in th

e an

nota

tions

.S

uppo

rt fo

r dev

elop

ing

expl

anat

ions

and

des

crip

tions

is n

ot e

xplic

it en

ough

.

The

teac

her p

rais

esac

hiev

emen

t but

does

not

pro

vide

ata

rget

for

prog

ress

ion.

Inad

ditio

n, th

ere

is n

ore

fere

nce

to th

ele

arni

ng o

bjec

tives

.

The

teac

her

prov

ides

feed

back

with

resp

ect t

o th

efir

st le

arni

ngou

tcom

e –

tona

me

and

desc

ribe

the

river

land

form

son

the

sket

ch.

This

com

men

tde

mon

stra

tes

to th

e pu

pi h

owto

impr

ove

the

anno

tatio

n fro

msi

mpl

yid

entif

ying

afe

atur

e to

expl

aini

ng h

owit

form

ed.



Appendix 4.2B.1

The

teac

her c

redi

ts th

e qu

ality

of t

he p

upil’s

ans

wer

and

unpi

cks

it to

hig

hlig

ht w

hy it

is g

ood.

She

cou

ld h

ave

been

mor

e sp

ecifi

c in

the

use

of la

ngua

ge to

rela

te th

is to

the

inte

nded

out

com

es a

nd to

rein

forc

e th

e le

arni

ng g

oals

, e.g

.by

usi

ng th

e te

rms

‘des

crip

tio

n’, ‘

exp

lana

tio

n’ a

nd ‘t

heus

e o

f evi

den

ce’.

The

teac

her

ackn

owle

dges

the

prog

ress

mad

e an

dm

akes

a c

lear

refe

renc

e to

sta

ndar

dsof

att

ainm

ent,

usin

gth

e sa

me

lang

uage

of

the

obje

ctiv

es a

ndou

tcom

es fo

r the

less

on.

The

pupi

l des

crib

esth

eim

pact

new

road

s m

ayha

ve o

n th

e ar

ea. T

hete

ache

r’s c

omm

ent

enco

urag

es a

resp

onse

that

pro

vide

s an

exp

lana

tio

nas

spe

cifie

din

the

third

lear

ning

outc

ome.

The

teac

her h

ighl

ight

s th

e qu

ality

of t

hed

escr

ipti

on

but a

sks

the

pupi

l to

exte

ndhi

s re

spon

se, t

o m

eet t

he th

ird le

arni

ngou

tcom

e, b

y p

rovi

din

g e

vid

ence

from

the

imag

e to

sup

port

the

anno

tatio

n.

In th

is w

ork

sam

ple,

ther

e is

cle

ar e

vide

nce

that

the

obje

ctiv

es h

ave

been

eng

aged

with

and

the

writ

ten

feed

back

from

the

river

fiel

d sk

etch

(App

endi

x 4.

2A.1

)ha

s be

en a

cted

on.

Spe

cific

ally,

the

pupi

l has

dev

elop

edth

e qu

ality

of h

is e

xpla

natio

ns in

the

anno

tatio

ns a

nd h

asen

gage

d m

uch

mor

e fu

lly w

ith th

e hi

gher

-leve

l out

com

eof

sel

ectin

g ev

iden

ce to

sup

port

find

ings

.

The

pict

ure

is s

howi

ng h

ow la

ndus

e is

cha

ngin

g he

re. I

thin

k tha

tol

d bu

ildin

gs a

re b

eing

knoc

ked

down

to

mak

e wa

y for

hou

sing

–th

is m

eans

tha

t th

e po

pula

tion

coul

d be

get

ting

mor

e.

Port

able

cab

ins

and

park

ed c

ars

and

a wo

rkin

g cr

ane

all s

how

that

the

site

is b

eing

bui

lt o

n.

I thi

nk t

hat

mor

e ho

uses

will

gohe

re. T

he n

ew h

ouse

s ac

ross

the

pict

ure

show

tha

t th

eir i

s a

dem

and

for h

omes

.

Mod

ern

hous

ing

proj

ect

that

cou

ld b

ere

plac

ing

olde

rsl

um h

ousi

ng.

Ther

e ar

e no

hou

ses

inth

e di

stan

ce w

hich

show

s th

at t

his

plac

eis

on

the

edge

of a

cit

y.

Good

poin

t, b

ut

try

to b

ack

up

you

r pr

edic

tion

wit

h e

vid

ence

to

supp

ort

you

rst

ate

men

t.

This

is a

bro

wnfie

ld s

ite.

It m

ay h

ave

had

anol

d fa

ctor

y on

it o

r may

be s

lum

hou

ses.

The

fact

ory c

ould

hav

e cl

osed

dow

n du

e to

fore

ign

impo

rts,

com

peti

tion

, lack

of s

pace

or p

oor

tran

spor

t lin

ks.

Supe

rb a

nsw

er, y

ou

ha

ve m

ad

ea

n e

xce

llen

t pr

edic

tion

an

dju

stif

ied

you

r a

nsw

er b

yba

ckin

g i

t u

p w

ith

evi

den

ce.

Use

ful po

int,

su

mm

ari

sin

gw

ell.

You

’ ve

clea

rly

ma

de

prog

ress

an

d m

ad

e a

nef

fort

to a

dd

expl

an

ati

on

an

dju

stif

ica

tion

to y

ou

ra

nn

ota

tion

s.W

ell d

on

e.

This

off

ice

bloc

k loo

ks lik

e it

was

bui

lt

in t

he 19

70s

or 19

60

s. It

is b

eing

dem

olis

hed.

Thi

s m

ay a

lso

be u

sed

for

hous

es o

r may

be a

sch

ool.

New

road

s m

ake

bett

ertr

ansp

ort

links

Wh

y is

th

isa

ttra

ctiv

e fo

rn

ew i

nd

ust

ry?

Evid

ence

of

tipp

ing

wast

eon

der

elic

t la

nd.

This

cou

ld b

edu

e to

crim

e or

lack

of f

acilit

ies.



Appendix 4.2B.2

It is

pos

sibl

e th

at th

e pu

pil m

ayha

ve m

ade

mor

e pr

ogre

ss if

the

writ

ten

teac

her f

eedb

ack

prov

ided

on th

e riv

er fi

eld

sket

ch (a

pp

end

ix4.

2A.2

) had

pro

mpt

ed b

ette

rex

pect

atio

ns. T

he p

upil m

ay, a

s a

resu

lt, h

ave

prod

uced

mor

eex

tend

ed a

nsw

ers.

Teac

her c

redi

ts a

chie

vem

ent a

ndex

pres

ses

this

in te

rms

of th

e fir

stle

arni

ng o

utco

me,

but

mis

ses

the

oppo

rtun

ity to

iden

tify

the

next

step

s in

lear

ning

.

The

task

pro

vide

s an

opp

ortu

nity

for p

upils

to a

ct o

n th

e w

ritte

nfe

edba

ck p

rovi

ded

on ri

ver f

ield

ske

tch

anno

tatio

ns (a

pp

end

ix4.

2A.2

).Th

ere

is e

vide

nce

that

the

pupi

l has

mai

ntai

ned

the

abilit

y to

reco

gni

sean

d d

escr

ibe

geog

raph

ical

feat

ures

. She

has

tran

sfer

red

this

to a

new

geo

grap

hica

l con

text

– u

rban

rege

nera

tion.

The

re is

limite

d ev

iden

ce th

at th

e pu

pil h

as fu

llyen

gage

d w

ith h

ighe

r lev

el in

tend

ed le

arni

ng o

utco

mes

suc

h as

des

crip

tio

nan

d ex

pla

nati

on.

Cran

e

Build

er c

abin

Build

er’s

car

sugg

esti

ng w

ork

in p

rogr

ess.

New

hous

ing

proj

ect

Was

te la

nd. C

ould

hav

e be

en u

sed

for f

acto

rybu

ildin

gs, o

ld s

lum

hou

sing

.

Good

. Yo

u’ v

e m

ove

d b

eyon

d s

impl

yn

am

ing

an

d i

den

tify

ing

.

Sit

e wo

uld

be fo

rm

ore

new

hous

ing.

Thi

sm

ight

be

due

tom

ore

dem

and

for h

ouse

s in

the

area

.

Th

is i

s a

use

ful

an

d i

nsi

gh

tfu

lli

nk t

o m

ake

bri

ng

ing

in

rele

van

tin

form

ati

on

tha

t ca

nn

ot

be

seen

dir

ectl

yfr

om

th

eph

oto

gra

ph.

Wel

l d

on

e.

19

70

s st

yle

off

ice

blo

ck –

ma

y be

kn

ock

ed d

ow

nin

th

e fu

ture

. Wh

at’

s yo

ur

evid

ence

to s

upp

ort

this

sta

tem

ent?

This

is a

pos

itive

spec

ific

com

men

thi

ghlig

htin

g w

here

the

pupi

l has

prog

ress

edbe

yond

the

first

lear

ning

out

com

eof

sim

ply

iden

tify

ing

and

des

crib

ing

. The

feed

back

doe

s no

tsu

gges

t tha

t the

pupi

l sho

uld

appl

yth

is le

arni

ng to

othe

r are

as o

f the

imag

e.


Flood disaster – how do people cope?Learning objectives and outcomes

1 By the end of the lesson, you will be able to identify and describe the main causes of river flooding and will be able tostart to explain why some rivers flood and others do not.• All of you will be able to list a range of causes of flooding and will be able to describe some of them.• Most of you will be able to describe how some of the causes of flooding are linked and therefore make floods

more likely.• Some of you will use this information to recognise and explain why some rivers flood and others do not.

2 By the end of the lesson you will be able to recognise that flooding has a wide range of impacts that spread beyondthe area affected. In addition, you will recognise that some of these impacts are linked and be able to explain how andwhy this is so.• All of you will be able to classify the effects of flooding into short-, medium- and long-term effects.• Most of you will be able to explain how some effects lead to other problems.• Some of you will be able to explain how things that happen in one place have unintended consequences

elsewhere.

3 By the end of this lesson you will be able to sequence and classify the causes, effects and impacts of flooding inNorthamptonshire in 1998 (an MEDC – more economically developed country). You will learn to speculate on themain causes of flooding and be able to justify your opinion.• All of you will be able to order a sequence of events that lead to and follow flooding.• Most of you will be able to classify information using geographical terms and vocabulary.• Some of you will be able to speculate and discuss the main causes of flooding for a particular event.

Milestone in learning4 By the end of the lesson, you will be able to be selective with evidence to distinguish between fact and opinion

in the Northamptonshire floods case study. You will use this knowledge to produce an article using both reportand discursive genre presenting more than one viewpoint.• All of you will be able to distinguish between evidence about flooding that is factual from that which is opinion.• Most of you will be able to select and evaluate evidence to structure a report giving a factual account of the

events.• Some of you will write a detailed discussion, using both fact and opinion to support presenting differing views.

5 By the end of the lesson, you will be able to select evidence from a range of sources to help you to identify thecauses, effects and responses of flooding in Mozambique (an LEDC – less economically developed country).• All of you will be able to recognise the difference between cause, effect and response using the evidence

available.• Most of you will be able to discriminate between causes, effects and responses that are natural and those that are

human.• Some of you will be able to judge the value of evidence and be able to explain why some pieces of evidence are

more reliable than others.

6 By the end of the lesson, you will be able to compare and contrast flooding in Northamptonshire (an MEDC) withflooding in Mozambique (an LEDC), and will be able to give reasons and evaluate the differences in themanagement of the flood hazard.• All of you will be able to describe some of the similarities and differences of flooding in Northamptonshire and

Mozambique.• Most of you will be able to explain how the causes and effects of flooding result in different responses from one

place to another.• Some of you will be able to evaluate the different ways in which people try to manage the flood hazard in

Northamptonshire compared to Mozambique.

Appendix 4.2C.1


Pupil outcome

Appendix 4.2C.2

The teacher promptsfor further thoughtand reasoning, and islater explicit about theimportance ofquestioning thevalidity or reliability ofevidence. This relatesto the learningoutcomes,particularly toselecting evidence.

The teacher highlightsthe use of persuasivelanguage as specified inthe third learningoutcome, but doesn’tsuggest how thissupports more effectivediscursive argument.

The teacher has highlighted and praised the strengths within thetext and is explicit about what has been successfully achieved andwhy. Suggestions for further improvement focus on transferringthese skills and concepts into new contexts in the future.

The teacher is clearly secure in herunderstanding of progression againstthe learning objectives for the lesson.

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in history © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback inhistory

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to history. As part of thewhole-school focus on this, the following subject development material isintended to help you consider the key messages of the training unit and identifyany areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach history.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in history and provide guidance on how to embedthis into regular practice in history lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in history. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupils to learnmore effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

Following their whole-school training on written feedback, the history departmentdecided they would focus Task 4.2A on the concept of causation. This was anarea in which they felt pupils had had real difficulties in the past, and it had beenhighlighted as an area for development in the Key Stage 3 strategy subject audit.They decided to use only a few pieces of pupils’ work in their scrutiny.

Process

The subject leader collected a sample of marked pupils’ work thatdemonstrated the concept of causation from Year 7 groups, together with therelevant part of the scheme of work. She selected pupils’ work from across theattainment range and from different teaching groups within the year. Thesubject leader chose work at different levels of attainment to help thedepartment consider whether there were any inconsistencies in the feedback tospecific groups of pupils. The subject leader then collated the work sample,ensuring there was enough for teachers to work in pairs.

At a departmental meeting, the subject leader took the department through the sampling process using an example from Year 7, ‘What was the role of the parish priest?’ First, she asked teachers to consider how well the observedwork related to the planned learning objective, which was: ‘To select relevantinformation from a range of sources and to combine and summarise theinformation.’ The two outcomes were a piece of descriptive writing on the role of the parish priest or a presentation using ICT on the role of the parishpriest. This was drawn from QCA Unit 4 How did the medieval church affectpeople’s lives?


They then looked at the piece of work in appendix 1 of the QCA unit (seeappendix 4.2A.1) to see how far the teacher comments were based on theobjectives.

The subject leader led a discussion and the following points were made.

Some of the written comments were felt to show good practice. For example,the teacher opened with a positive statement about the first paragraph. Thenext two remarks were phrased as questions that required a response andencouraged the pupil to think. The final two comments about source 6 and aconclusion were felt to be less constructive. Teachers felt they could easily beignored or misunderstood by the pupil. The teachers agreed that the overallcomment started by focusing on the learning objective but did not give aspecific point for moving forward related to progression. The teacher whosemarking was being used suggested that a more helpful comment would havebeen: ‘In future, quote from sources to back up what you are saying and toshow you are finding information that is most relevant to the question.’

One teacher noted that no literacy errors had been corrected. The subjectleader knew that there was a module called Marking for literacy in the Languageacross the curriculum folder, and the department decided this would be worthpursuing in a future departmental meeting, as many teachers were not reallysure whether they should be marking such errors.

The department then worked in pairs and looked at a different sample of work.At the end of the session, the subject leader took some feedback and they allagreed an action plan.

Each member of staff would select a series of lessons that they would beteaching in the next five weeks. They would check and, if necessary, sharpenthe learning objectives in their planning. They would ensure that they sharedthese objectives with pupils in accessible language and would then make suretheir written feedback was based directly on the learning objectives.

Evaluation

The department agreed that they would bring a sample of their own work to adepartment meeting in six weeks’ time. They would then repeat the task aboveto judge how successful they had been at basing their feedback on theirobjectives.


Task 4.2B








Context

After the initial work sampling exercise outlined in Task 4.2A, the historyteachers wanted to see whether the comments they were giving were making adifference. The subject leader therefore suggested that teachers might like totry Task 4.2B.

Process

A group of five teachers working in Year 7 identified opportunities where pupilshad practised the same skill (causation) in the unit of work the teachers had justtaught. They then selected some key pieces of work that had been marked indetail. They chose the work of three pupils who represented a broad spread ofattainment in the school. They considered whether there was any evidence inthe later pieces of work that pupils were acting on the teacher’s previous writtencomments.

The pieces they chose came from a lengthy unit on Britain 1066–1500. Thelearning objectives and outcomes for the selected samples were as follows.

• To understand how and why King John argued with his barons (QCA Unit 2).One outcome was a summary explanation on why John lost the support ofthe barons.

• To understand that men and women became monks and nuns for a varietyof reasons (QCA Unit 4). The outcome was that pupils demonstratedunderstanding of why people became monks and nuns through either anannotated picture or a mind-map.


• To understand about the causes of the Peasants’ Revolt and to start tomake links between causes. The outcome was that pupils identified causesand made links and connections between them in an extended piece ofwriting.

The teachers felt that these objectives showed progression in causation acrossYear 7, with the final piece of work possibly enabling pupils to attain level 5 andabove.

When the teachers looked at the pupils’ work, they found clear evidence thatthey had been able to build on the comments teachers had given. However,they also noticed that the most effective comments were those that required thepupil to actually use the information given in the next lesson or when teachershad allowed time in the lesson for homework to be revised. For example, acomment such as ‘I like the way you gave an example to support the pointabout why money was so important in causing unrest. This means you arebeginning to explain the causes instead of just describing them. Can you findanother reason where you could have given an example but didn’t?’ was onlyeffective where pupils had been given a chance to complete the task.

As a result, the pupils who had fewer comments relating to learning objectivesin history were making slower progress than other pupils. However, bothteachers felt they could plan different ways of helping pupils to act oncomments in order to raise attainment. Over the following month, they plannedtime for pupils to respond and act on written comments. They also trialled thefollowing two strategies.

1 Pupils numbered the pages in their exercise books. At the back of their bookthey created a ‘comment log’ where they summarised the teacher’scomment in their own words as a target. Periodically they were given time inthe plenary to look through their books to find examples in subsequent workwhere they had addressed the comment or target. They wrote down thenumber of the page where they had evidence of achieving the target so thatthe teacher could monitor progress.

2 One teacher identified at random two pupils in every lesson to whom shewould speak individually about their progress in history. The brief discussionfocused on what the pupils were pleased with about their work in historyand what they thought they could do better, using the written feedback as astarting point. Over half a term, the teacher managed to have individualdiscussions with every pupil in the class.

This group of teachers then reported their progress with Task 4.2B back to thefull department.

Evaluation

After discussing the group’s findings, other teachers decided they would alsolike to look for evidence of pupils using feedback in their own work. They agreedthat they would all bring samples of work that identified evidence of improvedpupil response to a teacher comment to the departmental meeting in onemonth’s time, and they identified comments that prompted further thinking andindicated clearly the next steps in pupils’ learning.


Task 4.2C




Context

By the summer term, the history teachers in School M were well advanced inthe development of assessment for learning. They had already completedTasks 4.2A and 4.2B, and they wanted to extend their work on marking further.They decided to tackle Task 4.2C.

Process

The department defined a milestone as ‘a key piece of work that represents animportant opportunity for pupils to demonstrate progression and which ismarked and assessed in detail’.

A group of five teachers continued to work on the idea of causation. Theystarted by identifying milestones in causation for the last term in Year 7 from aunit of work on Elizabeth I. They chose to examine an enquiry task on ‘Why wasMary, Queen of Scots, executed?’, because it provided a good opportunity toinvestigate short-term and long-term causes and took into account the skillsacquired in the last piece of causation work on the Peasants’ Revolt.

Another small group of teachers identified milestones for the last term of Year 8in a unit of work on industrial change in the local area. They identified the finalpiece of work in this unit as a milestone, because it gave some pupils theopportunity to analyse causes for the growth and decline of coal mining andtherefore enabled some of the pupils to produce work at level 7.

The teachers met up to discuss their thoughts and to ensure that themilestones identified for both Year 7 and Year 8 represented appropriateprogression in causation. They then used the National Curriculum leveldescriptions from the history attainment target, together with the QCA schemeof work, with particular reference to the Expectations section at the beginning ofeach unit to agree appropriate marking criteria. They found they also wanted toinclude a literacy objective from the framework for teaching history in theirmarking criteria.

They agreed that the criteria for the local history task in Year 8 should be asfollows:• Describe more than one cause of an event.• Explain more than one cause of an event.• Show how the causes can be sorted into different categories.• Show how causes are connected to each other.• Reach a conclusion that explains whether you think some causes are more

important than others.• Each paragraph to start with a topic sentence.


Evaluation

The teachers shared their work at a departmental meeting and agreed theywould teach the unit using the agreed marking criteria. After the unit was overthey brought their findings back to another department meeting. They all feltthey had learned from the experience but that they had not been clear enoughabout the link between the learning objectives and the criteria they were using.They therefore decided that in the next term’s work they would plan to makethis link more explicit.


Appendix 4.2A.1

The parish priest had a very busy life in themedieval times. He wasn’t allowed to have awife or children because he was supposed tolook after all the people in the village instead.

Source 1 shows me that the priest had to lookafter the sick people. It also says that insource 3 he had to call on the sick. He alsohad to visit old people and make sure they hadenough food.

Most of the things the priest had to do were inthe church. He had to do weddings andfunerals and take the mass. Source 2 showsme a priest brying somebody and in souce 4 Ican see the priest marrying a couple. Source 5says that the preist rang the bell so peopleknew what time it was.

Some priests were good and some were bad.The bad ones used to go out hunting insteadof helping people. In source 5 it says that thepriest couldn’t read the Bible properly or singthe Mass. So the people in the village wouldn’treally know what was going on.

I feel a bit sorry for the priest because hedidn’t have much money and it must of been alonely life so I’m not surprised some of themweren’t very good.

What was the role of the parish priest?

Overall Comments

A good effort overall. I think your best bit was the secondparagraph where you combined information from two picturesources and one written one to say what the priest did in church.

You missed out the information on collecting the tithe andfarming the glebe.

Listen out in class for the sorts of things we need to say in aconclusion.

Could you find aquote from thesource to back this up please?

What about source 6?

Some interestinggeneral points tostart off with-good

You haveattempted aconclusion here.

I like the way you started thisparagraph with a topic sentence.Where else couldyou have donethis?

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in ICT © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback in ICT

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to ICT. As part of thewhole-school focus on this, the following subject development material isintended to help you consider the key messages of the training unit and identifyany areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach ICT.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in ICT and provide guidance on how to embedthis into regular practice in ICT lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in ICT. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupils to learnmore effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A


Depending on the outcome of the sample you may need to consider thefollowing steps.






Further guidance is given in Unit 3 Objective led lessons and the relatedsubject development materials.

Context

Three teachers in Year 8 in School M were about to start teaching sampleteaching unit 8.5, An ICT system: Integrating applications to find solutions. They were aware that this unit drew together many aspects of the ICT pupilshad previously been taught in Years 7 and 8. The pupils had previously workedthrough all the sample teaching units for Year 7 and sample teaching units 8.1,8.2 and 8.4. Pupils had therefore done some introductory work in Year 7 onflowcharting and as part of this project in Year 8 they would be developing asystem to automate the environmental control in a greenhouse.

The ICT department consists of four full-time ICT teachers, plus eight teacherswho teach ICT for four or more periods a week at Key Stages 3 or 4.

Process

The subject leader in School M introduced Task 4.2A at a departmentalmeeting. He shared some pupils’ work from lessons 4, 5 and 6 from sampleteaching unit 8.5, which had been completed by the previous cohort. The workhad been kept in electronic format, and pupils and teachers had annotated itelectronically.

The department team discussed the work in pairs and were surprised that thewritten feedback was limited to highlighting errors and omissions. Teachersagreed that this did not help to move pupils forward.


They also realised that the work showed that many pupils had not understoodthe concept of efficiency in the context of control (although the pupils were ableto develop working systems which would produce the outcome of a solution tocontrol a greenhouse). This led to an interesting discussion among them aboutwhat ‘efficiency’ actually meant. They agreed that they would explain anefficient system as one that has no pieces of code that are not used and wherethe final solution is as simple and short as possible. They also discussed how toexplain the relationship between efficiency and sampling rate to the pupils, as itwas clear from the pupils’ work that this was an additional area of weakness.

The Framework objectives for the lessons 4, 5 and 6 were as follows.

Control and monitoring

Develop and test a system to monitor and control events by:• using sensors efficiently• developing, testing and refining efficient sequences of instructions and

procedures• assessing the effects of sampling and transmission rates on the accuracy of

data from sensors.

The teachers decided to rewrite the learning objectives and outcomes forlesson 6 to ensure the concept of efficiency was clearer. The rewordedobjectives they agreed to use were:• to be able to control events efficiently using flowcharts• to know how to test my flowchart to see if it works the way I designed it• to be able to keep the control code as simple as possible, e.g. by using

procedures or subroutines• to understand that values from sensors can be taken less frequently without

making the control system any less effective.

The teachers agreed the learning outcome was a working set of flowcharts thathad annotations to provide evidence of attainment related to the intendedlearning objectives.

The subject leader then asked the department to work in small groups andrevisit some of the work they had looked at earlier from lesson 6. He asked themto consider how they would have annotated this work if it had been producedwith the objectives and outcomes above.

An example from one group is in appendix 4.2A.1. They realised that thecomments they were producing were very different to those they had looked at earlier and almost always led on to some further work in the next lesson. The department agreed that they had found the session extremely helpful and it would help focus their feedback in the next unit. This led the subjectleader to plan to cover Task 4.2B in a departmental meeting planned for thenext half term.


Task 4.2B








Context

After their work on Task 4.2A, three teachers in School M’s ICT departmentwent on to teach the lessons from sample teaching unit 8.5, An ICT system:Integrating applications to find solutions with the reworded objectives above.

Process

Throughout the lessons they explained to pupils that they were going to receivedetailed written feedback on their work and they would have time to act on thisfeedback. They extended the number of lessons for sample teaching unit 8.5 to allow pupils time to assimilate and act upon the detailed feedback that was being provided. Pupils were encouraged to make use of ‘Save as’ todemonstrate the progress in their work and to annotate their new version toshow where they had made use of the written feedback on an earlier version.

When the pupils had reached the stage of producing their greenhouse controlsystem solution, the department met again to review the impact on pupils’ workof focusing feedback on objectives and giving pupils time to respond. The threeteachers, who had been working on sample teaching unit 8.5, brought samplesof their pupils’ work using printed drafts in the order of production and their ownfeedback. The teachers had chosen samples of work from pupils of a range ofabilities and both sexes. The subject leader led the session reminding staff oftheir definition of efficiency and their previous discussion on this undertaken aspart of Task 4.2A. He also reminded the department that understandingefficiency was key to understanding the progression in the unit. They would beparticularly looking at pupils’ understanding of efficiency in control solutions andtheir understanding of the effects of sampling rates when sensing.


He reminded teachers that the relevant key characteristics of pupils working atlevels 5 and 6 produced by QCA were as follows.

A characteristic of pupils working at level 5 is that they create sequences ofinstructions to control events, and understand the need for precision.

A characteristic of pupils working at level 6 is that they develop, try out andrefine sequences of instructions to monitor, measure and control events and toshow efficiency in framing these instructions.

The department then worked in groups and identified where, in the samples ofwork from teaching unit 8.5, pupils had assimilated the feedback given andunderstood the learning objectives. They then jointly highlighted where the workshowed the impact of the written feedback on attainment.

Evaluation

The department returned to working in small groups and evaluated some of thecomments they had each written. They found most were helpful and very clear.However, where they felt the comment could have been more effective theyrewrote it with a comment to explain why they had not found it effective. Someexamples are given in the table that follows.

Comment

This flowchart will work but it hasmany parts to it.

I like the use of two thresholdvariables in your heater controlflowchart. Putting a delay into theprogram between samplesshows that you have thoughtabout flutter in the system as well.Where else in your system woulda low sample rate be possible?Think about this and then we candiscuss it next lesson.

Make one flowchart for the heaterand the fan please.

Effectiveness

Poor. The comment does notrelate to the objective, nor does itgive any advice for movingforward. There is also noexpectation of a response.

Good. Positive feedback is givenand the feedback povides adiscussion prompt for the teacherand challenges the pupil to thinkfor themselves. This comment isalso expecting a response andprovides a framework fordiscussion work with the teacher.

Poor. There is no reason for therequest given and there is noreference to efficiency. There isimplied dissatisfaction with thework produced and the pupil doesnot have any learning objective.

Possible alternative

Well done, this is a workingsolution. An efficient system isone that is simple and as short aspossible. Try to use a loop tomake your flowchart moreefficient. Annotate your nextversion to explain what you havedone to improve the efficiency ofyour solution.

Your flowcharts are very good forcontrolling the temperature. Theyboth have similar code and aremeasuring from the same sensor.If you think about our definition ofefficient code, this doesn’t quitefit does it? How might youimprove the efficiency of the codeused to control the temperature?


The subject leader then led a discussion about how this work had helped thethree members of the department during sample teaching unit 8.5. They allreported that focusing on their comments had been very helpful but that thewording of the objectives was more important to this than they had realised.They had all changed objectives (often subtly) during their teaching, and feltthey now had a clearer view of how the objectives and their feedback shouldwork together. They also all reported that there were additional classroommanagement issues when pupils had been given very different feedback. They had, over the course of the unit, started to group pupils to make themanagement easier.


Task 4.2C




Context

The subject leader in School K asked the department to work in groups andtackle Task 4.2C with the next unit of work they were going to teach. Fourteachers had planned to use sample teaching unit 8.2, Publishing on the weband therefore worked together.

Process (with evaluations)

There are eight lessons in sample teaching unit 8.2. The teachers read throughthe unit and identified that the underlying themes were the need for pupils todevelop their awareness of audience as well as their technical competence andunderstanding. The teachers worked through the unit and identified the keypieces of work that represented milestones in pupils’ learning. They highlightedthree milestones (see text that follows). They then discussed and tried toestablish the marking criteria they would use for these milestones and how theywould share these with pupils.

Milestone 1

The department identified the homework set at the end of lesson 2 (page 27 ofsample teaching unit 8.2) as milestone 1. This homework asks pupils toevaluate the use of a word processor to create a web page. This comes after anintroduction to text mark-up language (HTML) in lesson 1 and a comparison ofmethods of producing web pages in lesson 2. The teachers felt that thishomework would clearly show whether pupils had understood the conceptstaught in lessons 1 and 2 and would therefore offer very useful insight intopupils’ progress and whether they were ready to move on to lesson 3.

The teachers discussed what they would expect a pupil to produce for thishomework and decided they might well receive a simple list of advantages anddisadvantages. However, they were clear that although being able to identifythese would be positive and show some understanding, the key to this piece ofwork was whether pupils could justify their choices in terms of efficiency andawareness of audience. They therefore decided that they would explicitly tellpupils, as they set the homework, that they would be marked on theirappropriate identification of advantages and disadvantages and whether theyhad justified their choices in terms of efficiency and awareness of audience.These amendments were added to page 27 of the teaching unit. They alsodecided that these two aspects would be the focus of their feedback.


Milestone 2

The next milestone the teachers identified was that, by the end of lesson 5,pupils would have created a front page for their website and would have mademany decisions about style and audience (see pages 47–51 of sample teachingunit 8.2). To do this they would also have applied prior knowledge from otherwork on text and graphics. The plenary (page 51) would give teachers anopportunity to evaluate and feed back on two or three groups’ work, but theteachers agreed they would want to give all groups feedback on this task.

Again, teachers discussed the criteria they would use for marking the work anddecided that these were already explicit in the design criteria given in lessons 3,4 and 5. However, they decided they would make the marking criteria clearer bytelling pupils that their work would be judged at the end of the lesson using thequestions and statements on slides 2 and 3 (page 50).

Milestone 3

The teachers identified the end of the unit (lesson 8) as the final milestone. In thislesson, pupils complete and evaluate the project, namely creating a websiteshowing a virtual visit to the school for parents, new pupils and other visitors.During this lesson, pupils have time to review and refine their work beforeevaluating it.

Once more, the teachers discussed the criteria they would use to judge thewebsites and again felt these had already been shared with pupils in the unit.However they decided they would highlight the criteria on page 66 of theteaching unit with pupils, so pupils were clear that this is what they would bejudged against. These criteria concentrate on three main areas:• the design of the website• the structure of the site• the quality of information.

They decided they would give detailed written feedback to focus the pupils onthese criteria and make explicit how they might improve their work in future.This would help pupils to set their personal targets.


Sample teaching unit 8.2, Publishing on the web (DfES 0167/2003-12-20)

Sample teaching unit 8.5, An ICT system: Integrating applications to findsolutions (DfES 0229/2003 www.ncaction.org.uk)

Virtual teacher’s centre (VTC) – www.vtc.ngfl.gov.uk


Appendix 4.2A.1

This is the completedsystem. It has 4 subsystems that I designedand tested separately.They run at the sametime to control thegreenhouse.

This uses twoconditions tocheck if thelight level ismore than 20and less than50. If it is, thelight comes on.

I used a variable totest the systembecause I did nothave a light sensor. IfI change this numberI can see if the systemworks.

Start

Is Val 1 < 13Turn

Output 1 on

Turn Output 1 off

Start Start

Is n > 20

Is Val 4 < 10

Is n < 50

Turn Output 3 off

Turn Output 4 on

Turn Output 4 off

Turn Output 3 on

Start

Is Val 1 > 15Turn

Output 2 on

Turn Output 2 off

Let n = 60

Delay 10

Val 4 isattached to awater sensor. Ifit falls below10 the tap isturned on.After 10 secs itis turned off

All these flowcharts make agood overall system. Couldyou perhaps make oneflowchart which works both thefan and the heater? I haveasked Margaret the samequestion. Perhaps you twocould work together nextlesson to try this.

Well done John. You haveproduced a system which willcontrol the greenhouse andwhich makes use of loops andkeeps the code short. I like theway you have used two values inthe light sensor flowchart and theuse of test data.

Could you do something similarwith the heater and the fan? Itlooks as if the temperature wouldgo up as soon as the heater is onand then when it reaches 13 theheater goes off and it cools downand then goes on again and so on.

The temperature sensor is beingmonitored all the time. Do youneed to measure the temperature10 times a second? This could beimportant if we were logging thedata and storing it on disccouldn’t it?

I think we should discuss thisduring next lesson? Rememberthe work we did about sound filesand sampling rates last term,does that seem to be related tothis at all?

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in maths © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback inmathematics

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important to consider how the key messages of the training apply to mathematics. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subject developmentmaterial is intended to help you consider the key messages of the training unitand identify any areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach mathematics.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in mathematics and provide guidance on how toembed this into regular practice in mathematics lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in mathematics. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupilsto learn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

Following the whole-school training on Assessment for learning, themathematics department decided to review the approach to marking pupils’work. The whole school was focusing on providing effective written feedback topupils. The mathematics department knew that they needed to address theircurrent heavy marking load to make time for meaningful written feedback.

Process

The department set up a system to involve pupils with marking routineexercises, as this had the potential to encourage self-assessment and developindependence. The head of department explained the changes to parentsthrough the school newsletter, and all teachers introduced the new ways ofworking to pupils. (Appendix 4.2A.1 outlines the department’s approach.)

Teachers found that the new approach gave more time for detailed writtenfeedback on the questions pupils identified and on some extended pieces ofwork. They also found that, where teachers ensured adequate time for pupils toread the teacher’s written comments, this had an impact on the quality of thepupils’ later work (see Task 4.2B).


A month after introducing the new approach, the head of department sampledsome pupils’ exercise books to look at written feedback on a lesson ongeometrical reasoning. The learning objectives for this lesson are given below.

The head of department found that few written comments were focused on thelearning objectives. To demonstrate this, she produced a handout withrepresentative written responses to the same piece of pupil work (seeappendix 4.2A.2). She used this and the questions below to stimulatediscussion.

• Which written feedback is most useful to the pupil?

• How could the written feedback be improved?

Evaluation

The teachers found the learning objectives helpful when working on improvingthe examples of the written feedback and decided to use this approach for thenext term. They had been sharing objectives in most of their lessons for sometime, and so agreed to communicate their intention to focus written feedbackon the same objectives with pupils. They also felt that written feedback in theform of a question (as in example 2 of appendix 4.2A.2) had the potential tohelp the pupil to engage in using the feedback to improve the work (see Task 4.2B).

Teaching objective

Understand a proof that the exteriorangle of a triangle is equal to the sumof the two interior opposite angles.

Learning objectives

To be able to:• identify interior and exterior angles

on a triangle• label triangles accurately using

agreed conventions• prove that the exterior angle at any

vertex of a triangle is equal to thesum of the other two interiorangles.

Learning outcomes

All of you will label the diagram withsome statements showing some anglefacts.

Most of you will label the diagram andtext with statements that link togetherand lead to the correct conclusion,and be able to explain these.

Some of you will present a coherentset of written statements explainingwhat fact has been used for each stepleading to the conclusion.


Task 4.2B








Context

Following the whole-school training on Assessment for learning, themathematics department decided to review the approach to marking pupils’work. The whole school was focusing on providing effective written feedback to pupils.

Process

Having worked on using learning objectives to focus written comments for aterm, the department came together to review progress. The head ofdepartment asked each teacher to bring three or four exercise books thatcontained examples of focused written feedback. Teachers worked in pairs,looking at the written feedback and looking for evidence of impact in the pupils’ work.

They found inconsistencies, so they shared ideas for strategies to get pupils toact on written feedback. They agreed the following.

• When giving marked work back to pupils, teachers will allocate between five and ten minutes, usually at the start of the lesson, for pupils to read andrespond.

• Where appropriate pupils should discuss their feedback in pairs.

• Pupils should be encouraged to write a written response to the feedback, socreating a written dialogue with the teacher.

• Pupils should be encouraged to go back to earlier written feedback tocheck they have acted on suggestions and resolved the problem.


Evaluation

Teachers agreed to experiment with these strategies over the next half term.They then repeated the process with the same exercise books to reviewprogress.


Task 4.2C




Context

A department that had done extensive work on developing written feedback forpupils identified a weakness in pupils’ written explanations through theiranalysis of the 2003 test papers and Key Stage 4 handling data coursework.This was viewed as critical in further raising pupils’ standards of achievement,so the department explored a range of strategies to strengthen this area.

Process

The department used the ‘Revising explanations’ materials from Securingprogression in handling data to extend their teaching approaches (seeappendices 4.2C.1 and 4.2C.2). This work focuses on the Year 9 learningobjective.

• Interpret graphs and diagrams and draw inferences to support or castdoubt on initial conjectures.

In order to focus pupils on the important qualities of written explanations, thedepartment identified the marking criteria and produced the following asguidance for pupils while doing the work.

Guidance on writing explanations in interpreting charts

You will need to select key features from the chart to justify your reasoning.Your written explanation should include:• a clear concise statement in response to the question• relevant information, including either proportions (fractions, decimals or

percentages) or totals to show you can read the charts• comparisons between the two sets of data to support your statement.

The explanation should be about three or four sentences long.


Teachers used this guidance when marking the work. They did this in stagesover the two-week unit so that pupils had the opportunity to improve theirexplanations using the feedback, redrafting their previous attempts. (Someexamples from the Securing progression in handling data materials areprovided in appendix 4.2C.3.)

Evaluation

Year 9 pupils’ explanations in the context of handling data improvedsignificantly, with evidence observed in written work that the guidance hadhelped pupils to devise clear concise explanations. The department thenlooked at the handling data units taught in Years 7 and 8 and decided to sharethe marking criteria with pupils and focus written feedback on these whenteaching units in the spring term of each year.

Following the developments in your subject as a result of completing thesetasks, you should evaluate its impact on teaching in the subject and how pupilshave responded, particularly in relation to standards. The following questionsmay help to structure this.

• How has teaching been adapted to the key messages of effective writtenfeedback?

• How has providing written feedback related to learning objectives impactedon pupils’ learning?

• What more do we need to do to be more effective with written feedback?

• How do pupils respond to this approach to written feedback?

• How has it impacted on pupils’ standards in your subject?


Referenced strategy materials

Securing progression in handling data (DfES 0658/2003). These materials canbe found at www.standards.dfes.gov.uk/keystage3 by selecting ‘mathematics’and then ‘mathematics publications’.

Other strategy materials of interest

Interacting with mathematics in Key Stage 3: Year 9 geometrical reasoningmini-pack (DfES 0588/2002). These materials can be found atwww.standards.dfes.gov.uk/keystage3 by selecting ‘mathematics’ and then‘mathematics publications’.

QCA materials

Using assessment to raise achievement in mathematics. Section 3 explores thepurposes of marking and feedback, and provides pointers to how they can beimproved (QCA, www.qca.org.uk).

Ofsted materials

Good assessment practice in mathematics (Ofsted, www.ofsted.gov.uk).


Involving pupils in marking their work

1 Pupils check all their own work initially. If appropriate, pupils ‘mark’ it as correct or incorrect.

2 Any incorrect work is then clearly coded by the pupil using the ‘traffic light’ system.

• A ‘silly mistake’ made through carelessness (this is something they really do understand), for example:5x + 3 = 8 5x = 8 + 3 coded green5x = 11x = 2.2

• An error that needs the teacher’s attention (this is something they are struggling with), for example:5(a + 3) – 2 (3 – a) = 105a + 15 –6 –2a = 10 coded red3a + 9 = 103a = 1 a = 1/3

3 Where the pupil uses the red code, the teacher then provides written feedback to help the pupil improve thework, for example:

5(a + 3) – 2 (3 – a) = 105a + 15 –6 –2a = 103a + 9 = 103a = 1a = 1/3

4 Lessons are planned so that there is an opportunity for pupils to act on any such comments and again self-check. Any remaining errors will then be the subject of a conversation between teacher and pupil.

These examples relate to the following.

Appendix 4.2A.1

Teaching objective

Construct and solve linear equationswith integer coefficients usingappropriate methods

Learning objectives (for a sequence of lessons)

To be able to:• form an equation from a given

context• appreciate other forms of the same

equation• solve the equation and check the

solution• relate the solution to the original

context.

Learning outcomes (for a sequence of lessons)

All of you will be able to form and solveequations with the unknown on oneside of the equation.

Most of you will form and solveequations with the unknown on bothsides and involving brackets.

Some of you will solve equationsinvolving negative signs anywhere inthe equation and involving negativesolutions.

Your mistake is in this linebecause the second bracket is multiplied by negative 2, so:–2 x 3 and –2 x –a


Representative written responses to the same piece of pupil work

Appendix 4.2A.2


Revising explanations (Year 9): prompts

These following tasks use resources available from the Year 9 folder on the Securing progression in handling data CD-ROM. Select from these according to the needs of your class.

• Handling data question bank provides a set of ten questions ranging from level 4 to level 7 drawn from previous Key Stage 3 tests.

• Responses gives examples of pupils’ responses to the ‘explaining’ part of each question.

Task 1 (whole class): Developing explanations

The teacher leads the class through the process of composing an explanation to a selected question.

Preliminary stepIn some questions the ‘explain’ part is presented towards the end. Where this is the case it would be useful to workthrough the preceding parts, dealing with any misunderstandings, before starting this activity on composingexplanations. This might be done in an earlier lesson.

Explaining stageFocus on the ‘explain’ part of the selected question. Emphasise that pupils should not think of this as a test question.They are to imagine that they are putting the chart and the requested explanation into a magazine article. The explanationshould be about three or four sentences long.

The following steps may be ordered differently to suit a particular class.

1 Model how to compose a written explanation, explaining your thinking aloud and pointing out key features such ascorrect use of technical vocabulary or appropriate use of words such as whereas, though, while, unless, however,equally and also.1

2 Ask pupils to work in pairs to compose one written explanation (perhaps on a whiteboard).

3 Select a response to the chosen question (either from your class or from the CD-ROM). Show it to the class andtogether with the pupils, analyse, annotate and perhaps revise the response. (Examples of annotated scripts areavailable on the CD-ROM to illustrate what this step might look like.)

4 Ask pairs to review their own explanation in light of the whole-class discussion.

1 For more guidance on the use of connectives for contrast or comparison, see Literacy across the curriculum module 2,Literacy in mathematics (available on the Key Stage 3 website from January 2004).

Appendix 4.2C.1


Task 2 (groups): Discussing and revising

Pupils evaluate each others’ explanations.

• Select an appropriate question. Ask pairs of pupils to write their joint explanation on whiteboards, then join withanother pair to discuss and evaluate the two responses. Guidance on The role of the review partner (CD-ROM) willhelp here.

• Tell the four to agree a final form of the explanation in the light of their discussion.

• Select one or two examples, discuss the explanations with the class and ask pupils to explain how their discussionsimproved their writing.

Task 3 (whole class): Assessing explanations

Pupils assess other people’s answers in test conditions.

• Select a question and six brief explanations written under test conditions (available on the CD-ROM). Display ordistribute these to the class. Explain that three answers would gain full marks and three would not. One of each isalready identified.

• Together with the pupils, ‘mark’ the remaining answers, showing why some are deficient and how they should be improved. Correct and incorrect responses are identified for teacher use on the Test answer summary sheet(CD-ROM).

Appendix 4.2C.1 cont.


Key Stage 3 test question (2000 A2 17): Teachers

1. TeachersA newspaper predicts what the ages of secondary school teachers will be in six years’ time.

They print this chart.

(a) The chart shows 24% of male teachers will be aged 40 to 49

About what percentage of female teachers will be aged 40 to 49?

…………… %

1 mark

(b) About what percentage of female teachers will be aged 50+?

…………… %

1 mark

(c) The newspaper predicts there will be about 20 000 male teachers aged 40 to 49

Estimate the number of male teachers that will be aged 50+

………………

1 mark

Appendix 4.2C.2


(d) Assume the total number of male teachers will be about the same as the total number of female teachers.

Use the chart to decide which statement is correct.

Tick (�) your answer.

Generally, male teachers will tend to be younger than female teachers.

Generally, female teachers will tend to be younger than male teachers.

Explain how you used the chart to decide.

1 mark

Total 4 marks



Appendix 4.2C.3

Revising explanations: Annotated pupils’ scripts

Cycling

At point P Gary & Nesta were both at orreaching Torbridge. Gary had got to Torbridge & had started his journey back to Ashbury. He had also just overtaken Nesta. Nesta was not far from Torbridge but had about another quarter of a km to go.

Not true.

Teachers

Generally, female teachers will tend

to be younger than male teachers.

This is because there is

37% of 50+ female teachers and

50% of 50+ male teachers

and then there is 24% of 40–49 male

teachers and 20% female teachers,

20% of 30–39 female teachers, 10%

of 30–39 male teachers.

Under 50 for females is round 62%

for males it is 50%.

Inaccurate – Gary hadalready passed Torbridge.

True, but the answerwould be improved with astatement like “at point P,Gary and Nesta passeach other travelling inopposite directions.”

A clear, concise statement

Key information

This does not addanything important

Accurate but could bebetter expressed, e.g.“62% of females are under50 whereas 50% of malesare under 50”

The final sentence does not add anything important.

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in MFL © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback inmodern foreign languages

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to modern foreignlanguages. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subjectdevelopment material is intended to help you consider the key messages of thetraining unit and identify any areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach modern foreign languages.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in MFL and provide guidance on how to embedthis into regular practice in MFL lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in modern foreign languages. You will need to be clear on what hashelped pupils to learn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be howyour practice has adapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what hasworked well and which areas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

As part of their departmental review, members of the MFL team looked atexamples of feedback comments they had written for Year 8 pupils, based onthe unit of work Comment tu t’amuses? from the MFL scheme of work for KeyStage 3 (QCA/DfES). Although this unit is designed for Year 7, the departmenthad decided to complete it at the beginning of Year 8 as it built on much of theprior learning in the previous Year 7 units and provided pupils with anopportunity to do further work on combining sentences. They decided toaddress some Year 8 MFL framework objectives through the unit in the contextof hobbies and interests.

The department noted that many of their teacher assessments in MFL lessonswere determined through questioning and discussion with individuals andgroups of pupils. They used written comments to further enable pupils to reflectindependently on their progress, both during lessons and in their own time. Thecomments were written as often as possible in the target language and, in thatsense, also served to model writing in the foreign language. However, morecomplex and sophisticated comments, which were beyond pupils’ currentability to read the foreign language, were written in modern foreign languages.Written comments accumulated to provide a record of progress, and were abasis for discussion between them and their pupils and between pupils andparents, at key points in the school year.

The department focused their review on the relation between the learningobjectives they had shared with pupils and their written comments. Theyrecognised that, when identifying pupils’ achievements, it was important thatcomments reflected a balance of the knowledge, skills and understandingrequired by the MFL programme of study.


About the unit Comment tu t’amuses?

The unit the department chose for this work focused on developing pupils’ability to adapt their previous learning, e.g. on applying negatives to newcontexts, such as communicating about sports and musical instruments theydid and did not play, and becoming more confident in composing complexsentences. Specific emphasis was placed on the following Frameworkobjectives.

• 8S2: Pupils should be taught how complex and compound sentences arebuilt up using connectives, phrases and clauses.

• 8T5: Pupils should be taught how to extend, link and develop sentences toform continuous text.

The main product of the unit was to be a leaflet advertising the sportsopportunities of their own or a fictitious town.

Pupils were encouraged to skim and scan a range of authentic texts on leisurepursuits, some of them web based, and to use a range of means of developingtheir leaflet including the use of a digital camera and their own scannedphotographs for further digital manipulation. They were also encouraged to usecomputers to re-draft their text and improve its accuracy and presentation.

Individual achievement in this unit was supported by evidence of the following.

• Pupils will have produced a leaflet about sports opportunities in their own oran imaginary town, containing longer and more interesting sentences.

• Pupils will have re-used some language they have already met in a new andinteresting way.

Process

The teachers were asked to bring to a department meeting samples of recentwritten feedback they had given to pupils of average, above average and belowaverage ability (see appendix 4.2A.1). The feedback was on rough drafts of thepupils’ leaflets as far as they had been completed and was to relate to thelearning objectives and intended outcomes they had shared with their pupils.Teachers were asked to include in their sample some feedback in modernforeign languages and in the target language. The head of department wantedto consider the appropriateness of the language and the clarity ofrecommended actions for pupils of different levels of ability.

Evaluation

In general, the department felt that recommended actions were generally clearand that there was a good match with the levels of attainment. In the examplesrelating to average pupils, however, there were felt to be less explicit links withthe levels of attainment. They wondered if this was related to target languageuse. The department resolved to carry out further development work on thisarea over the next term and to meet again in eight weeks’ time to review theirwritten feedback to pupils attaining average outcomes for Year 8.


Task 4.2B








Context

High school A is a mixed 11 to 16 comprehensive school offering French andGerman as target language 1. There is no provision for target language 1. Mostpupils study a foreign language to the end of Key Stage 4, apart from a smallpercentage of pupils who receive an alternative curriculum.

At a recent parents’ meeting, several parents said that the teachers’ writtenfeedback had helped them to understand and support their child’s progress inMFL. This was because the comments made it clear what the child needed todo to improve.

Members of the MFL department decided to check on the impact that writtenfeedback had on the standard of pupils’ work over time. In a departmentmeeting, they focused on Unit 7, Les autres pays, based on the MFL scheme ofwork for Key Stage 3 (QCA/DfES), which their medium-term plan followed, aswell as including the following MFL framework objectives.

• 8W4: Pupils learn about regular patterns of word change linked to genderand plural forms.

• 8S4: Pupils learn to understand and use a variety of question types,including some reflecting an attitude or expectation.

• 8T6: Pupils learn to use a given text as a source of information, languageand stimulus for their own writing.

• 8T7: Pupils learn how to check routinely for points of word ending and wordorder.

The teaching of the unit was to last for eight weeks.


Process

The department targeted the spring term to sample pupils’ work. Theyidentified one key piece of writing per fortnight, which they wanted to use aspart of their formative assessment and on which they wanted to providedetailed feedback to encourage pupils to take more control over their learningand to be better aware of the progress they made.

They chose three sets of work from across the ability range: above, below andaverage, as represented in each of their groups. Within the sample, they aimedfor a gender balance, which also reflected the ethnic diversity of the school.

Each pupil’s sample included classwork, homework and drafts, as well asfinished pieces. The samples were set out so that work done before and afterwritten feedback could be clearly identified. Before considering the sample, theteachers revisited the learning objectives and intended outcomes for the unit.They considered these in the light of the National Curriculum attainment target(see table below). Examples of the effective and weaker feedback theyidentified as a department are shown in appendix 4.2B.1.

Evaluation

The teachers met to discuss the impact of more detailed written feedback onpupils’ work and noted the immediacy of the pupils’ response. They realised thepotential for an ongoing pupil–teacher dialogue and decided to encouragepupils to write regularly a short reply or question about the teacher’s comment.They also wanted to try to write more of their feedback in the target language,and over the next term they planned into their scheme of work for Year 8 theteaching of appropriate language items for this purpose. They would review theimpact of this development at the end of that term and consider extending theplanning into Year 9. It was also agreed that they would use oral feedback toreinforce targets and written feedback on classwork whenever appropriate.

Learning objectives for the unit

• You will know the kinds ofchanges words go throughdepending on whetherthey are masculine,feminine or plural.

• You will understand somenew kinds of questionsthat ask for our attitudesas well as facts.

• You will know the commonmistakes that are madewith word endings.

Learning outcome for the unit

You will have:• written a description of a

country you have visited,using the correctmasculine/feminine/pluralendings

• read about life in a French-speaking country

• carried out a dialogue witha partner exchanging yourviews on the country.

How these contribute to the National Curriculumattainment target for MFL

• Encouraging the application of grammaticalknowledge in new contexts.

• Giving pupils opportunities to take part in shortconversations, seeking and conveying informationand opinions in simple terms.

• Pupils become confident in the use of dictionaries,glossaries and other reference materials to checkwords they have learnt and to look up unknownwords.


Task 4.2C




Context

The MFL department team at High School A wanted to identify ‘milestones’ inpupils’ learning over the coming term. It was decided that key aspects of thework in the chosen unit would become the focus for detailed written feedbackto pupils. The purpose of this written feedback was to help pupils understandtheir achievement, progress and opportunities for improvement in relation toNational Curriculum levels of attainment in MFL and specifically in French, overthe whole key stage. The written feedback was intended to relate to the skills,knowledge and understanding that underpinned all activities in the subject, aswell as those that related specifically to the chosen unit.

About the unit Fais ceci … faites cela!

The teachers chose to focus their work on milestones with Year 8. Theyselected Unit 8 Fais ceci … faites cela! based on the MFL scheme of work forKey Stage 3 (QCA/DfES) as a focus for their initial developments. The objectivescontained in the unit concerned the language of travel, the use of a variety ofquestion forms to ask for and give directions to locations around the town andthe use of the imperative and of verb tables.

Over the six-week period, the pupils prepared written questions, usinginformation from a visitor’s guide, brochures or the Internet, for an interview withthe mayor of their French twin town. The questionnaire was then e-mailed to thetown hall. Pupils were encouraged to draw on all the language learned in theunit and to prepare a photo guide, with captions or longer text, of their own oran imaginary town.

The unit gave pupils the opportunity to demonstrate understanding of writteninformation texts including written responses to their e-mailed questionnaires.

Process

The department met to establish the milestones that were underpinned by theNational Curriculum programme of study for MFL, especially the ‘Knowledgeand understanding’ strand. They also referred to the four attainment targets forMFL and took level 6 to indicate a performance well above the expectation andlevel 1 to indicate a performance working towards the expectation.


Given the significance of these milestones, it was agreed that the process ofwritten assessment should be carefully managed to allow teachers time tomake meaningful, written responses to the work in as much detail as necessary.This involved spreading the process of writing feedback for individual pupilsover several weeks during the unit and limiting the feedback to, for example, fivepupils’ work per week.

Opportunities were also provided for pupils to respond to the feedback, thusreinforcing the need, where possible, for the individual tutorial approach to beformalised in a way that maximised impact and minimised workload.

The milestones were shared with the pupils, and teachers explained to themhow the marking policy would be applied and on what evidence it would bebased.


The teachers’ written feedback directed pupils’ attention to the things theyknew, understood and could do at that point in their MFL education – the‘milestones’ in their learning, which are included in appendix 4.2C.1.

The feedback also indicated the things pupils needed to do to improve.Comments focused on the pupils’ complete body of work at that point in time,including work across all four skills in both classwork and homework.

The teachers identified the key strengths and opportunities for development intheir pupils’ work and related these to previous achievements and futurepossibilities.

The marking criteria were derived from what the department considered to bethe main elements in the descriptors for levels 6, 4 and 1 in the four attainmenttargets.

The examples shown in appendix 4.2C.1 Parts 1 and 2 are from thedepartment.

Evaluation

At the end of the six weeks, the department met to discuss the impact of theuse of the milestones on pupils’ learning. They noted in particular that thesharing of the marking criteria not only had a positive effect on pupils’motivation but also better enabled them to begin to transfer their knowledgeand skills across the four attainment targets. The department then decided toplan milestones into the next term’s units of work and progressively to extendthem across the whole key stage.


Samples of written feedback

Appendix 4.2A.1

Main learningobjective for the unit

You will learn moreabout how to linksentences together toform an interesting text.

You will learn how totake language youalready know and re-use it in a new way or anew situation.

Learning outcome

In your leaflet you willhave written somesentences that arelinked usingconnectives, e.g., timeexpressions.

You will have written atleast one sentence thatcontains somevocabulary or astructure that theteacher is not expectingbecause you haveadapted it from anothertopic.

Examples of written feedback(text in bold is related to the attainment level of the pupil)

Above average pupil

‘Bravo: des phrases très complexes!’You have included a lot of information and opinions in yourparagraph and the sentences link together really well.

You remembered that we can use je vais and an infinitive to talkabout the future too. You could use your glossary to find somereally unusual hobbies!

Average pupil‘Les connecteurs, c’est bien, tu es un petit peu sportif et tu aimesla musique! Pour améliorer ton texte:• Quelle musique est-ce-que tu aimes?• Quels sports est-ce que tu pratiques?’

Your spelling is generally good and you’ve included oneopinion but it would be good to include one or two more. See ifyou can choose some from last week’s homework.

Below average pupil‘You have copied all the right connectives from the sheet to fillthe gaps in your sentences. Well done! Now let’s see if you cando the next one from memory.’


Examples of written feedback

Appendix 4.2B.1

What the pupil did inresponse

In his next draft, Peterincluded a wider range ofadjectives foundindependently from thedictionary. He also wrotetwo sentences correctlyformed in the perfect tense.

The pupil’s next piece ofwork included someconnectives that the pupilhad not used before. Hewrote a three-clausesentence containing ‘qui’.

The pupil remembered toinclude the date and title onthe next piece of work, butthe teacher’s commentmade no discernibledifference to the quality ofthe pupil’s written French,as demonstrated bysubsequent pieces in thesample.

The pupil’s next piece ofwork contains a long list ofpoorly spelt nouns with noattempt to form them intocomplex sentences or evenphrases.

Teachers’ evaluation ofthe impact

The comments are specificand clearly explain fourelements of a good piece ofwriting. There is anappropriate balance ofpraise and advice.

This is exemplary feedback.The advice is specific,manageable and clearlyexplained and exemplified.It makes the pupil feelvalued as an individual, tellsthem what they are doingwell and is challenging thepupil to improve his writingfurther.

These comments fail toexplain the elements thatmake this a good piece ofwork. The pupil thereforehas no possibility ofapplying the knowledge andskills displayed in this pieceto other contexts.

The teacher is relating to thepupil on an emotional level,which is important formotivation. But there is noindication here of what thepupil must do to improveher standard of work, andshe perceives wrongly thatthe quantity of the languagematters more than thequality.


‘This is a good piece of writing, Peter! Your use of adjectives(arrows point to examples) adds interest to the piece and youhave used time expressions really well to make extendedsentences. In your next piece, try writing at least onesentence in the past tense.’

‘Your use of connectives is great. You are using plural formsvery effectively and have understood that nouns needdeterminers. As a result, you are producing interesting writingand I am enjoying reading it! The next step is for you to focuson writing more complex sentences. For instance: “J’ai unfrère qui adore les bananes” could become “Mon frère, quis’appelle Sam, adore les bananes.”’

‘An excellent description; well done! Please don’t forget thedate and title.’

‘The description of the meal you had in Paris is really funny!And so many dishes … you must have felt really full by theend!’


Part 1

Appendix 4.2C.1

Learning objective

You willunderstand andknow how tocarry outinstructionsabout travel.

You will know avariety ofquestions to askabout travel.

Learning outcome

You will haveunderstooddialogues inwhich people aretalking aboutlocations in andaround a French-speaking countryor town.

You will haveproduced aquestionnaire foruse in aninterview with themayor of ourFrench twin town,to ask forinformation aboutthe town.

Milestones(The criteria for marking pupils’ work in MFL)

Listening and respondingWorking beyond the expectation Pupils understand what they hear in the past, present and future. Theyunderstand words in new situations even when there is background noise. Theyusually only need to listen once to get the big messages and most of the words.

Working at the level expectedPupils understand longer passages, made up of words they know in simplesentences. They find it hard if there is background noise or people speakquickly. They can get the big messages of the story and some details, if theycan hear it several times.

Working towards the level expectedPupils understand simple instructions and questions from the teacher or ontape, as long as it is clear. If the teacher mimes and repeats the story they canunderstand a lot.

SpeakingWorking beyond the expectationPupils can use past, present and future. They can work out the meaning ofwords in new situations. They use the foreign language often in the classroomand people usually understand what they say.

Working at the level expectedPupils can take part in simple conversations if the teacher prompts them with,e.g., a picture. They can change words to talk about themselves. Theypronounce the language well.

Working towards the level expectedPupils can give short answers to questions if the teacher gives them a lot ofhelp, perhaps by showing them a picture. There are quite a few words they findhard to say.


Part 2


Learning objective

You will havelearned how torecognise andrespond toinstructions andother writteninformationrelating to travel.

You will learn towrite informationabout travel usinglonger and moreinterestingsentences.

Learning outcome

You will haveunderstoodwritten text inbrochures,visitors’ guidesand Web-basedmaterial abouttowns in French-speakingcountries.

You will haveproduced aphoto guide, withcaptions orlonger text, of ourown town or animaginary town in a French-speaking country.

Milestones(The criteria for marking pupils’ work in MFL)

Reading and respondingWorking beyond the expectationPupils understand different kinds of texts in past, present and future events andin some new situations. They can pick out main points and details, includingopinions. They choose books or texts to read on their own. They can work outthe meaning of language they do not know.

Working at the level expectedPupils understand short stories and factual texts, printed or clearly handwritten.They can pick out main points and some details. They can look up words in adictionary and can work out the meaning of some new words from the context.

Working towards the level expectedPupils show that they understand single words presented in clear script in afamiliar context. They may need visual cues.

Writing Working beyond the expectationPupils write several paragraphs to make simple descriptions in the past,present and future. They can use the rules they know to write about newsituations. Although there may be a few mistakes, the meaning is usually clear.

Working at the level expectedPupils write paragraphs of about three or four simple sentences from memory.They can change phrases and sentences to write about themselves. They arebeginning to use dictionaries to check words.

Working towards the level expectedPupils copy single familiar words correctly. They label items and selectappropriate words to complete short phrases or sentences.

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in RE © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback inreligious education

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to religious education. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subject developmentmaterial is intended to help you consider the key messages of the training unitand identify any areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach religious education.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in religious education and provide guidance onhow to embed this into regular practice in religious education lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in religious education. You will need to be clear on what has helpedpupils to learn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how yourpractice has adapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has workedwell and which areas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

Having completed the Key Stage 3 subject audit the RE department highlightedthat their written feedback did not help pupils to recognise the specific elementsof their work that had been done well, nor those areas that could be improved.Their current marking policy required them to provide an effort and attainmentgrade and an evaluative comment. Having sampled a range of pupils’ writtenwork across Years 7, 8 and 9, this policy was generally carried out.

While the scheme of work was robust and constructed from clearly definedlearning objectives and learning outcomes, neither their policy nor practiceincluded making effective use of them as an integral part of the written feedbackto pupils. There were some incidences where feedback was provided on anindividual basis, but there was general consensus in the department thatfeedback could be more targeted and focused on the shared learningobjectives and learning outcomes with pupils. This seemed a logical next stepto the best practice they had established in involving pupils in reviewing againstshared learning outcomes in lessons.

Process

Having identified this issue, the department agreed to focus on a particularactivity in the next unit of work that they could use as a focus for improving thequality of written feedback. They chose a task that had the learning objective‘To explain how and why Pesach has meaning for Jewish people today’. Thisgave pupils the opportunity to demonstrate their ability to use historical andcontemporary evidence to respond to this key question. When setting the taskthe teachers shared the learning objectives and learning outcomes with thepupils, as was their normal practice.


The learning objective was:• ‘We are learning to explain how and why Pesach has meaning for Jewish

people today.’

The intended learning outcome was:• ‘What I’m looking for is for you to produce a written response to the

question “Is Pesach a relevant festival for the Jewish people of today?”.’

Year 9 pupils were asked to use the evidence collected from a range ofhistorical and contemporary sources, including the views of members of theJewish community (AT1) and pupils’ own thoughts and feelings (AT2).

Evaluation

During the department meeting the written feedback on the example scriptswas scrutinised. It was clearly evident that teachers had paid attention to theuse of key vocabulary and they were consistent in their approach to spellingand punctuation. All pieces of work were graded and most pieces had anevaluative comment.

The head of department focused the team on redrafting written comments forthe samples in the work scrutiny. This helped the department to agree whatconstituted an effective piece of feedback. It was agreed that members of thedepartment would work together to produce exemplar comments for a Year 7and a Year 8 unit of work. See appendices 4.2A.1 and 4.2A.2 for examples ofthe Year 9 work submitted.

The teacher commentary highlights the pupil’s success and shows that they areon the right track. However, it doesn’t indicate what could have been done tofurther improve it. There is no direct relation to the learning objectives. Wherethe pupil evaluates the relevance of the festival’s celebration for Jews today, theteacher gives non-specific negative feedback, i.e. ‘But do all races and religionsremember the Passover?’

There is no clear indication as to how the pupil could address the learningobjective fully and what steps need to be taken to do so. The question raised bythe teacher in the commentary could be framed to encourage a more openresponse. For example, the teacher could have written: ‘You are right to pointout that many races and religions are aware that Passover is an importantannual festival for Jews. You could develop this further by detailing the differingresponses of other races and religions to the celebration of this festival offreedom by Jews in the light of current events in Israel.’

Other examples of pupils’ work showed that the quality and quantity offeedback varied greatly. In response to their findings the department agreed thefollowing procedures when setting tasks and providing written feedback.

• Ensure intended learning outcomes are displayed by teachers and recordedby pupils to focus particular pupils or groups on specific areas fordevelopment.

• Inform pupils that written feedback will relate directly to learning objectivesand learning outcomes.


• Provide written feedback directly and solely on the learning objectives andsuccess features with an indication of how the pupil might close the gapbetween what was expected and what was produced.

• Teachers’ comments will highlight at least two aspects of success and thena maximum of two areas for improvement, along with an indication of whatthe pupil needed to do to achieve this.

• The department will repeat the scrutiny regularly to see if there wasincreased consistency and to check that comments were more clearlyrelated to success features of the learning objectives.

• The department will review with a small sample group of pupils to determinethe impact of this strategy on pupils’ attitude to work and progress andattainment in the subject.


Task 4.2B








Context

The department had been focusing on the quality of written comments inrelation to their planning and sharing of learning objectives with pupils. Theywanted to ensure that this was having impact by linking their written feedbackdirectly to these and involving pupils more actively in this process.

The department chose the next piece of significant work in Year 8 as a focus forthis development in their practice. It was focused on a key question: ‘Is Pesacha relevant festival for the Jewish people of today? Consider this from thestandpoint of a Jew.’

Process

The following structure was used by the department to focus on this task.

• Plan to sample pupils’ work on a chosen task.

• Teach to shared learning objectives and intended learning outcomes.

• Set the assessment task ensuring that both AT1 and AT2 are covered.

• Provide pupils with the success criteria in advance.

• Assess the task and provide both written and oral feedback with referenceto AT1 and AT2.

• Give pupils the opportunity to respond and act on the feedback.

• Identify pupils across the ability range and teaching groups for the samplingexercise.


• Identify comments that prompt further thinking and indicate clearly their nextsteps.

• Identify examples of good practice and agree to trial these over a period oftime in relation to one or more key units.

• Through a later sampling exercise, attempt to identify evidence of improvedpupil response to these comments.

• Ensure time in a department meeting to identify and evaluate the impact onstandards in pupils’ work.

The department established a set of features that would progressively describeattainment. This agreement of features across the department helped to focusthe written feedback of all teachers and also helped to formulate their planningand questioning. The pupil who shows evidence of working at level 3 would begiven feedback showing what they would need to include in their work to maketheir next steps toward level 4, e.g.:

You have correctly identified some of the symbols of Pesach. To improve yourwork you need to make sure that you have spelt the keywords correctly. You willalso need to explain how the symbols are used during the Seder meal.

The department used the level descriptors to help formulate their feedback, butthe levels themselves were not shared with pupils, to ensure a focus on relevantnext steps and not on numerical outcomes.

Level features What pupils can do

3 Pupils can describe some of the symbols used in the festival of Pesach and say how they are used.

4 Pupils can describe the symbols of Pesach using keywords correctly. They can make links between the meanings of the symbols and how they are used in the festival.

5 Pupils can explain how the symbols of Pesach relate to the beliefs and teachings of Judaism on the festival of Pesach.

6 Pupils can explain how different communities and individuals within Judaism vary in the importance they attribute the significance and relevance of the festival of Pesach.

7 Pupils can relate forms of religious expression practised by Jews at Pesach to their historical and cultural context.


Evaluation

Effective prompts: ‘Do you think that all Jews believe that Pesach is relevanttoday? Please give me some of your thoughts about Pesach and reasons whyyou think that way.’

In response to this written feedback the pupil went on to explain why differentopinions might be held. She supported her own personal opinion with reasonedargument. Some of this was clarified orally with the whole class after pupils hadmade their own individual response to the teacher’s feedback.

Less effective prompts: ‘A good question 3; you didn’t really interpret question 1.’

This comment does not give any guidance as to why the pupil succeeded inanswering question 3 and failed to answer question 1 appropriately. Morehelpfully, the teacher should have highlighted what the pupil had included inanswer 3 to make it successful and identified what should have been includedin answer 1 to complete it correctly.


Task 4.2C




Context

Having explored the significance of the festival of Pesach in Judaism in today’sworld, the department decided to identify other opportunities for further writtenfeedback within this scheme of work. They identified two key opportunities onwhich to build on pupils’ prior achievements. These are outlined in the tablebelow.

Process

In week 5, pupils produce a report that aims to answer the key question ‘Is Pesach a relevant festival forthe Jewish people today?’ through the use of evidence collected from a range of sources, and whichincludes the views of members of the Jewish community (AT1) and pupils’ own thoughts and feelings(AT2). This piece of work required pupils to identify main historical events; explain the meaning of symbolicartefacts; justify choice of evidence; consider own and others’ perspectives.

In week 8, pupils are given the following task: ‘You are a TV news reporter who has been sent on anassignment to Jerusalem. The focus of the report is “Who should Jerusalem belong to?” In order toaddress this issue you will need to gather evidence from a variety of sources. Written sources as well asinterviews with local people, visitors and faith leaders of the three main religions found in the city should beincluded in your report.’ This exercise builds on the skills used in the previous task. However, in thisinstance pupils are required to compare and contrast a number of sources. The nature of the task willallow more able pupils to achieve the higher levels. In this exercise department members have agreed tofocus on the pupils’ response to the written feedback given in the previous task.

Stage 3: Pupils explain therelevance of the festival of Pesachtoday by relating the historical,religious and cultural contexts ofthe festival to contemporaryJudaism.

Stage 2: Pupils use evidence andexamples to explain how and whythe importance and relevance ofcelebrating Pesach varies amongindividuals and communities inJudaism today.

Stage 1: Pupils include in theiranswer the story of Passover anda description of how Jewscelebrate Pesach today.

Stage 3: Pupils make a responseto the question using a variety ofsources to present the claims ofownership made by Christianity,Islam and Judaism. The historicaland cultural contexts for each ofthe religions are included. Aconclusion based on evidenceand personal opinion is reached.

Stage 2: Pupils compare theclaims of ownership forJerusalem made by Christianity,Islam and Judaism. They use arange of sources to support theclaims. They present their ownopinion based on their findings.

Stage 1: Pupils express theirown opinion about the ownershipof Jerusalem based on evidencegathered. Reference is made toat least one claim made by eachof the three main religions foundin the city.


Evaluation

The department used the non-statutory QCA levels for RE to inform theirmarking criteria, although they were not intending to provide a level for the pieceof work. The criteria were shared with pupils prior to the task, and this was usedto shape both the oral and written feedback to pupils.

Pupils’ work for the first piece was marked against the criteria and, as well asmaking immediate improvements, relevant and specific targets were identifiedfor each pupil, to be worked on for the second piece. Pupils recorded theirtarget at the beginning of the second piece to serve as a reminder: tothemselves, when writing, and for the teacher when marking.

Time was allocated on both occasions for pupils to act on the written feedbackprovided by the teacher.

Pupils responded to the direction that sharing the criteria gave. Some pupilsrequired more scaffolding of the criteria to help them identify what theseoutcomes looked like.

The department was able to use the outcomes from this trial to provideexemplars for future classes on what the outcomes might look like. Pieces ofwork used in this way were presented anonymously for other classes to use asmodels and to help establish a standard for the teachers and the pupils.


Appendix 4.2A.1

Conclusion: Passover projectThroughout this project the aim was to try and come to aconclusion: ‘Does the Festival of Passover have any relevanceto Jews today?’

We as a group have come to the conclusion that Passover isextremely relevant to the Jewish society of the modern world, asthey celebrate it annually and include it as an important partof their lives. If Passover was not relevant, then it would be aminor part of Jewish history. Instead, it is a huge historicalevent on the Jewish calendar known and remembered bymillions all around the world, across many different races andreligions. The Jews’ main reason for the continued celebrationof Passover is that they feel they owe God their freedom from theEgyptians, as it was him who drove the Pharoah to let them go,it was him who parted the seas to aid their escape and most ofall it was him who led them to the promised land, Israel! Forall of this the Jews feel they have been given something worthfighting for and will never give it up, even today they fend offconstant attacks from Palestinian terrorists and other Islamicextremists.

In the modern world, Jews celebrate Passover in April, this year(2003) it was celebrated on the 6th to the 13th, in 2004 it is tobe celebrated on the 9th to around the 16th.

‘You have tried hard to link the celebration both with the past and current time but do all races andreligions remember the Passover?’

(Teacher notes: With reference to AT1 there is an indication that some historical and contemporarysources have been referred to in support of the conclusion. With reference to AT2 the pupil’sconclusion is based largely on personal views in response to the question. The arguments presentedare justified with reference to some factual evidence but most arise from personal opinions.)


Appendix 4.2A.2

‘‘WWHHAATT IISS TTHHEE RREELLEEVVAANNCCEE OOFFTTHHEE PPAASSSSOOVVEERR TTOODDAAYY??’’

For most Jewish families the highlight of Passover is the Seder. For that matter, for mostJews the only part of Passover is the Seder. It seems that even as Jews have grownestranged from their religion, the Passover Seder beckons to them to return home. What is there about this special night that is different from all other nights?

It could be the opportunity to get together with family. Butafter studying the sociological interactions of the averageJewish family I know it can’t be that. I guess there is a senseof history, of connecting to something that stretches waybeyond the living memory of anyone within living memory.An understanding that we Jews had an experience over3300 years ago in Egypt that has stayed with us down to

our own days. Yet it’s curious that Jews who are jettisoning so much of Jewish tradition still cling to some form of a Passover Seder. Why has this ceremony remained more than everything else?

The Sages of the Talmud teach us that when Moshe came to take the Jews out of Egypt,they had by then sunk to the lowest possible level of spirituality. Don’t get me wrong, I’mnot saying they weren’t nice people. They maintained their original Hebrew names, theystill spoke ancient Hebrew (known as Yiddish) and wouldn’t speak poorly about people.They also remained loyal to their spouses. In many ways they would seem to have beendoing a lot better than many people today.

But they were only a few generations away from Abraham,Isaac and Jacob. They had contact with prophecy withintheir grandparents’ lifetime. The power of spirituality, to sense God was profound. That made theirdisconnectedness much more powerful. So when we aretold that they were swept into the idolatrous cults of ancientEgypt, it meant that they would not be able to survive asJews for much longer. The Bible tells us that they left in haste, which the Sages explain,means that much longer and they would not have been saved. You can only savesomething that still exists – once it’s all gone, salvation becomes a moot point.

That experience of thousands of years ago is lodged in our collective subconscious. Weremember how close we were to being lost as a people and what it took to bring us backto life. It’s interesting that studies show that the two rituals that Jews as a whole observethe most are circumcision and the Passover Seder. That little voice inside of us saying ‘I want to connect to my people’.

So despite the food, the family dynamics, the hours ofpreparation, millions of Jews will join together this Passoverevening to relive the Passover Seder for the three thousandthree hundred and twelfth time. And in the search for meaningthere will be those who will feel their Jewish blood start to flowand they will look for a sense of personal redemption to carrythem further up the ladder.

‘You have expressed your

own views very clearly,

this work was a pleasure

to read.’

(Teacher notes: With

reference to AT1 this pupil

has very good knowledge

and has clearly expressed

a personal understanding

of the historical events of

the Exodus linked to the

celebration today. In

terms of AT2 this

exercise has provided an

opportunity for this pupil

to explore, reflect on and

express very clearly a

personal view in response

to the key question. To

improve this work this

pupil could be guided to

give actual quotes from

his sources and if

possible to identify the

authors. He could also be

encouraged to compare

and contrast his findings

with those of

contemporary sources.)

1 Assessment for learning Unit 4, Module 4.2: Developing written feedback in science © Crown copyright 2004

Developing written feedback inscience

Following the training in the generic unit Written feedback, it is important toconsider how the key messages of the training apply to science. As part of the whole-school focus on this, the following subject development material isintended to help you consider the key messages of the training unit and identifyany areas requiring development in your department.


Objectives





Key messages





The following material builds on the tasks outlined in the ‘Ready for more?’section of the Written feedback training unit and it is intended for all those thatteach science.


Unit

4Module 4.2






Focusing











Developing








Establishing









Enhancing









Teac

hers

Pup

ils



The tasks you have been referred to are intended to support the development orextension of written feedback in science and provide guidance on how toembed this into regular practice in science lessons.










The purpose of focusing on this is to improve pupils’ achievement andattainment in science. You will need to be clear on what has helped pupils tolearn more effectively in your subject. Part of this will be how your practice hasadapted to allow this. You should jointly identify what has worked well and whichareas require further attention.








Task 4.2A









Task 4.2B








Task 4.2C





Task 4.2A









Context

The department’s analysis of end of Key Stage test results and pupils’ writtenwork showed that explanations and conclusions derived from scientific enquiryare frequently weak. They decided that they would improve their pupils’performance by providing clear written feedback linking learning objectives tothe task. They also decided that their pupils should be given early opportunitiesto improve their work based on the teacher’s comments.

Process

At one of their departmental meetings the head of department provided asample of pupils’ work together with the learning objective for that lesson. Thedepartment were asked to look at a sample of a pupil’s work alongside therelevant learning objective and consider the following questions.

• How well does the observed work relate to the planned learning objectives?• How effectively is the written feedback focused on the learning objectives?

The following is an example of a conclusion written by a pupil following aninvestigation into the effect of acids on carbonates.

My results show me that some rocks fizz and some do not when acid is added.I know that carbonates react with acid to produce a gas. Hydrochloric acidmade calcium carbonate fizz, sulphuric acid made sodium carbonate fizz andcopper carbonate made hydrochloric acid fizz. Fizzing also happened betweenzinc carbonate and nitric acid and iron carbonate and hydrochloric acid. Noneof the other rocks fizzed. The reason for this is that there is a reaction betweensome types of minerals that might be in rocks and acids. You could use this as atest for some minerals, but you could not tell which is which. The bubbles meanthat a gas is being made and a reaction is taking place. The gases I know about


from my science lessons are hydrogen, oxygen and carbon dioxide, it could beone of these. If I collected some of the gas I could then use one of the tests Iknow for gases e.g. does it make limewater go cloudy then its carbon dioxide.I think that it might be carbon dioxide because of the reactions we did withcarbonates and acid.

The learning objectives relating to this piece of work are shown in the tablebelow.

The department worked in pairs and reviewed the comments in the table,considering which most closely matched the learning objectives.

Then they devised some written feedback for this pupil that was more closelylinked to the lesson objectives and gave the pupil some guidance for improvingtheir skill at writing conclusions.

Examples of written comments

• ‘The pattern you have identified is a bit vague.’

• ‘You don’t need to list all the results.’

• ‘Not a bad attempt, but use paragraphs next time.’

• ‘Which gas do you think it was? Why?’

• ‘Explain your results.’

The department then shared their ideas.

In discussion the department decided that one of the barriers to using writtenfeedback on a regular basis was the time it took teachers to think of and writeappropriate comments on pupils’ work. They decided that they needed toprepare a bank of comments that could be used for a unit of work. It was notintended that these would be exclusive, nor that they would be used instead ofmore individual feedback.

Teaching objectives

To identify patterns inobservations.

To be able to write aconclusion based onevidence.

Learning objectives

To be able to:• point out any patterns

you notice in the wayacids react withcarbonates

• write a conclusion usingthe results of yourinvestigation.

Learning outcomes

To have:• described the pattern in

the way acids react withcarbonates

• summarised yourresults to answer theoriginal question abouthow carbonates reactwhen they come intocontact with acids

• explained whathappens using yourcurrent knowledgeabout acids,carbonates, particlesand reactions.


In pairs they chose a series of lessons that they would be teaching in the nearfuture and conducted the following activity.

• Identify the learning objectives and the outcomes.

• Plan some written feedback comments linked to the learning objectives.

• Begin to develop a bank of statements for providing written feedback topupils.

• Trial the comments with the pupils.

Evaluation

The department agreed to meet a month later to evaluate the process and theeffectiveness of the comments they trialled. In the light of this, revisions weremade to existing comments and new ones produced.

Further guidance is given in Assessment for learning: whole-school trainingmaterials in Unit 3 Objective led lessons and the related subject developmenttasks.


Task 4.2B








Context

Later in the year the department decided to evaluate whether the pupils wereacting on the written comments provided.

Process

They agreed to sample pupils’ work across Year 9 to establish whether therewas evidence that objective-based written comments were being acted on,and that there were opportunities given for pupils to address the comments.They also agreed to plan time in lessons for pupils to respond to and act on their written comments.

They collected samples of pupils’ work from a completed Year 9 unit. Workingin small groups they conducted the following activity:• Identify evidence of pupils’ responses to the written comments.• Summarise the responses you have found and share with the others.• Identify comments that prompt further thinking and indicate clearly their next

steps.• Share these and collate for the whole department.• Identify examples of good practice and agree to trial these over half a term in

relation to one or more units.

Evaluation

The department identified time in a subsequent departmental meeting toevaluate the impact on pupils.


Task 4.2C




Context

Many teachers use some form of planning scaffold to support pupils as theydevelop their skills in scientific enquiry.

Process

The department used a copy of level statements relating to planning aninvestigation from Assessing progress in science (QCA, 2003), and threeexamples of pupils’ work.

The pupils had been asked to think of a question they would like to investigateabout dissolving a tablet, and then to complete the form. For further details seepage 9, Unit 1, Scientific enquiry in Assessing progress in science.

For each of the three examples of pupil work, teachers discussed and thenagreed some written feedback that would give each pupil an indication of whatthey needed to do to improve their performance in planning an investigation.Teacher comments are provided for Pupil A.

Pupil A work (pupil’s responses in italics)

Write the question you plan to investigate.

Which tablet will dissolve most quickly?

Write down the one factor you plan to change as you carry out yourinvestigation – the independent variable.

The tablet used.

Write down the one factor you plan to observe or measure to collect yourresults – the dependent variable.

Dissolving.

If you decide to measure the outcome of your investigation, give details ofexactly how and what you would measure.

The time it takes to disappear.

Write one variable you should keep the same to make your test fair.

The temperature of the water.


Teacher’s comment

I have a good idea about what you are going to do, but need you to provide mewith a little more detail and precision in your responses to my questions. If youanswer the extra questions I have added below, this should help to developyour answers.

• What type of tablet?

• What will you dissolve it in? Will you crush it or stir it?

• What are you changing about the tablet? Brand, size, colour?

Imagine I am in Year 5 (about 10 years old). Explain step by step how and whatyou will be measuring so that I should be able to follow your instructions and dothe investigation myself with little or no help.

I look forward to your responses.

Pupil B work


How quickly does an indigestion tablet dissolve in water?


The tablet dissolves.


Temperature of water tablet dissolves in.


The temperature of water the tablet dissolves in. If the tablet was crushed or not.


Same amount of tablets.

Pupil C work


Does an indigestion tablet dissolve quicker in hot or cold water?


The temperature.



Temperature – measure.

Time to dissolve – measure.


Temperature – thermometer; time to dissolve – stopwatch and your eyes.


Amount of tablet, amount of water.

The department used the level statements to assist them in developing andexemplifying a notion of levelness and to serve as a reminder of the need forprogression in planning.

The department decided to focus on teaching pupils to plan investigations.They agreed a sequence of planning tasks and how written feedback was to beused to encourage progression in pupils’ planning abilities.

Evaluation

After they had taught this sequence of planning tasks, they met as adepartment and, using samples of pupils’ work, reviewed the effectiveness ofthe feedback in improving pupils’ planning skills.

Subject-specific reference

Unit 1, Scientific enquiry in Assessing progress in science (QCA/03/1144) page 9.

Copies of the 10 units may be obtained from QCA Publications, PO Box 99,Sudbury, Suffolk CO10 2SN. Tel: 01787 884444.

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