A Thoroughly Goofy Son-In-Law

7/28/2019 A Thoroughly Goofy Son-In-Law

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A Thoroughly Goofy Son-in-Law(Taiwanese Tale)

There was once a young man who set out with a fine red curtain, a number of ducks, and traditional good-luck noodles to present at the birthday of his father-in-law. As he walked with his gifts past a lake, the ducks that he was carrying emitted

a "wah-wah" sort of a sound, which the young man interpreted to mean that theywere thirsty. He carried the ducks to the water's edge so that they might get adrink, but he was careless in holding them too lightly. In the twinkling of an eye,they were gone, their wings flapping happily as they half-swam, half-flew acrossthe lake. "Oh, well," the foolish young man thought, "maybe I'll find something toreplace those ducks that will be just as good a present for father-in-law."

He soon saw something that gave him the notion that he had found a suitablereplacement. A school of carp swam by in the same lake that had offered escapeto the ducks. The young man thought, "If d be a good enough trade-off if I couldcatch some of those carp to replace those ducks that swam away." The young man

looked around and noticed that a fisher's net lay just a few yards away. "Goodluck," he thought, "just like these good-luck carp!" The young man took the good-luck noodles and dangled them before the carp as if to entice them into the net.But the noodles broke apart as soon as they hit the water, floating away, thendown toward lake bottom. The foolish son-in-law now had no ducks, no noodles,and no carp.

As the foolish son-in-law walked on, the sound of "hua-hua" from nearbybamboo caught his attention. "Poor bamboo!" he thought. "They must be verycold. The air is damp and cool today, and the poor bamboo are groaning so." Thegood-hearted, if foolish, lad took the red curtain and spread it on the bamboo, only

to see the wind take the curtain and carry it out of sight. He now had no ducks, nonoodles, no carp, and no fine red curtain.

Yet the young man walked on, in time coming to spy a large number of fliesswarming around a pile of ox dung. As he drew near, the flies dispersed, and thefoolish son-in-law thought, "The flies seem fascinated by this stuff: Perhaps Ishould grab up some of it." And so he did, smelling much worse now than he hadwhen he began his journey to his father-in-law's birthday party.

As he moved on, the young man came to a farmer's house. He saw someonerepairing a lunch basket that said on one side, "New basket, old basket, and so thedays drift away." Thinking this some wise and profound saying, the young mancommitted these words to memory, resolving to impress people with his wisdom.

Then, he continued his journey.

In time the young man came to a river. As he was crossing the bridge, he heardan old man sitting on the shore say, "The waves of the river lap the same, but thecolor of the water varies." The young man said to himself, "Now, I wonder whatthat means? The man is old and must be full of wisdom. I'll memorize this as


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another saying with which to impress the guests at father-in-law's birthday party."And again, he walked on.

At last the foolish son-in-law came to his father-in-law's house, where a roomfull of guests greeted him with utmost courtesy. The young man felt pressed to saysomething in reply and blurted out with, "Flies like the taste of cow dung, so I triedsome too!" The guests' expressions turned to half-amusement and half-astonishment: They really didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

When as the meal began the foolish son-in-law discovered that all of thechopsticks placed at the table were ivory and that only he was using old bamboochopsticks, he quickly boomed out with, "New basket, old basket, and so the daysdrift away." Confused, but hearing how elegantly the young man spoke thesewords, everyone agreed that he should be given the sort of ivory chopsticks thateveryone else was using. His bamboo chopsticks were exchanged for ivory ones.

During the party, someone pulled a lousy trick on the young man, giving him a

glass of cheap liquor. When he realized what the person had done to him, hedecided it was the time to pull out one of those expressions that he had learned onthe way to the party. Without thinking too very hard about what he was doing, thefoolish son-in-law spoke thus: "The waves of the river lap the same, but the color of the water varies." Once again the young man's words stunned the crowd. Some of them thought that they understood enough of the intent of the message to swapthe young man's glass of low-grade liquor for the high-quality kind that everyoneelse had been served.

Meanwhile, the wife of the foolish son-in-law lived in constant fear that herhusband would do something embarrassing. She had worried for weeks about what

he was likely to do at her father's birthday party, especially when it came time toeat dinner. The young man had a terrific appetite and frequently gorged himself when an abundance of food was set before him. But at other times, he became sodistracted over something that someone had said or done that he would forget toeat entirely. His wife feared that he might offend her father and the other guests,either gobbling food or insulting the host by altogether ignoring the feast herfather had arranged.

The young wife had ultimately decided on a scheme that she hoped would helpher husband eat with proper manners. Just before the guests were to gather forthe feast, she tied a thread to her husband's foot, then looped the other end of the

thread to her own wrist. The young woman then instructed her husband, "If youfeel the thread tugging on your foot, that will be my signal to you that you shouldeat a bite." The young man had come to trust that his wife's plans usually workedout better than his own, so he agreed to become something of a puppet on herstring.

The plan worked beautifully for awhile. At first the young man ate with verygood manners, consuming neither too much nor too little. But then an unforeseenevent occurred. A little doggy playfully scooted under the table and got the thread


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wound around its paw. This scared the little animal so badly that it ran, jumped,and kicked this way and that, all around the dining room floor. The thread wentinto the same erratic motion, pulling constantly this way and that on the foolishson-in-law's foot. Ever obedient to his wife's instructions, the young man began toeat furiously, slamming down morsel after morsel of food. But the thread keptpulling and pulling, faster and faster, and the young man simply could not keep up.

Thinking that the next best thing would be to stuff all of the food somewhere, thefoolish son-in-law began to cram large portions of the feast into his pockets andunder his hat. This sent everyone at the feast falling over the table or out of theirchairs in loud, uncontrollable laughter.

Thus losing face before the entire crowd, the young man's wife went crazy withshame. She barged out of the house with the full intention of jumping in a pond todrown herself. When she came to the pond, though, she saw a man using a kind of rice scooping tool called a fanlo , on top of which rested a sieve. Watching him dipthe device into the water, she forgot about her plan to end her life. With greatcuriosity, the young wife stepped forward and asked, "May I ask you what you are

doing?""I dropped a needle that my wife entrusted to me into the pond, so I'm using

this sieve to help me retrieve it."

Now the young wife thought to herself, "How could I have ever thought thatthere would in the whole world be a husband more foolish that my own? And yetmine has never done anything so outlandish as this. Maybe my husband isn't thebrightest man in the world, but he's one of the best-hearted people on the planet.

That should be all I need to know about him."

Any thoughts of taking her own life flew away in the wind of this realization. Shelived happily with her foolish but kindhearted husband to the end of her days.

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A Thoroughly Goofy Son-In-Law