A Christian Thing to DoA Christian Thing to DoMinistry with LGBT young adultsMinistry with LGBT young adults

“Its only love…guy who happens to be gay…I wish you could understand…I’m

sick of feeling totally alone, I want to have friends who like me for who I am, want a

family who loves me for who I am and not someone I pretend to be to keep their

love…I’m sick of hiding, of being sad, and scared…Do you have any idea…there must be more of you who feel like this,

like I do…just speak out…I’m gay…sorry mom, dad…you can bet you’re not the only parents with a gay son…It’s only

love, what’s everyone so scared about?”-Get Real

This conversation is essential.

This conversation is essential.

Why should this matter to me?Why should this matter to me?

When individuals are lost, confused, vulnerable, or hurt, they turn to

several sources:FamilyFriends

Ministers Educators

Counselors

When individuals are lost, confused, vulnerable, or hurt, they turn to

several sources:FamilyFriends

Ministers Educators

Counselors

What We FaceWhat We Face

“Lesser” Christian

Less human

Sinner

Abomination

Gay Youth StatisticsGay Youth Statistics

33% of all teen suicides are within the LGBT community

(Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey (1999). Massachusetts Department of Education, Health,

Safety, and Student Support Services. http://www.doe.mass.edu/hssss/yrbs99/letter.html and http://www.mass.gov/gcgly/)

50% of LGBT youth risk being rejected by their families

(Governor’s Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth. (1994). Making Schools Safe for Gay and Lesbian

Youth: Breaking the Silence in Schools and in Families. Feb. 25, 1993. 60 pages Boston, Massachusetts. http://www.mass.gov/gcgly/)

33% of all teen suicides are within the LGBT community

(Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey (1999). Massachusetts Department of Education, Health,

Safety, and Student Support Services. http://www.doe.mass.edu/hssss/yrbs99/letter.html and http://www.mass.gov/gcgly/)

50% of LGBT youth risk being rejected by their families

(Governor’s Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth. (1994). Making Schools Safe for Gay and Lesbian

Youth: Breaking the Silence in Schools and in Families. Feb. 25, 1993. 60 pages Boston, Massachusetts. http://www.mass.gov/gcgly/)

80% of students harassed about their sexual orientation identify

as heterosexual. (Safe Schools Coalition of Washington. (1999). 83,000 Youth Survey: Selected findings out of

eight population-based studies. http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/83000youth.pdf)

90% of school related shootings involve boys being taunted with anti-gay epithets for being quiet

or different. (Kimmel, Michael S., Mahler, Michael. (2003). Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and

Violence – Random School Shootings, 1982-2001. American Behavioral Scientist, Vol. 46, No. 10, 1439-1458. http://abs.sagepub.com/cgi/content/refs/46/10/1439 AND Vossekuil, B., Fein,

R. A., Ph.D., et. al. (2002). Final Report and Findings of the Safe School Initiative: Implications for the Prevention of School Attacks in the US. The US Secret Service and the US Department

of Education. Washington, DC. http://www.secretservice.gov/ntac/ssi_final_report.pdf)

80% of students harassed about their sexual orientation identify

as heterosexual. (Safe Schools Coalition of Washington. (1999). 83,000 Youth Survey: Selected findings out of

eight population-based studies. http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/83000youth.pdf)

90% of school related shootings involve boys being taunted with anti-gay epithets for being quiet

or different. (Kimmel, Michael S., Mahler, Michael. (2003). Adolescent Masculinity, Homophobia, and

Violence – Random School Shootings, 1982-2001. American Behavioral Scientist, Vol. 46, No. 10, 1439-1458. http://abs.sagepub.com/cgi/content/refs/46/10/1439 AND Vossekuil, B., Fein,

R. A., Ph.D., et. al. (2002). Final Report and Findings of the Safe School Initiative: Implications for the Prevention of School Attacks in the US. The US Secret Service and the US Department

of Education. Washington, DC. http://www.secretservice.gov/ntac/ssi_final_report.pdf)

The Love/Hate FallacyThe Love/Hate Fallacy Many Christians have been taught the

misconception that being gay is a sin. They are often told to “love the sinner,

but hate the sin”. But, is it possible to

incorporate this whentalking about sexual

identity?

Many Christians have been taught the misconception that being gay is a sin.

They are often told to “love the sinner, but hate the sin”.

But, is it possible toincorporate this when

talking about sexualidentity?

Biblical understanding of ideal love

Biblical understanding of ideal love

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is

not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always

protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is

not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always

protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

What does hate/hatred look like?

What does hate/hatred look like?

Oxford Dictionaryverb:

1: feel intense dislike for or a strong aversion towardsnoun:

1: intense dislike; strong aversion2: before a noun denoting hostile actions motivated

by intense dislike or prejudice

Wikipedia.com “An unending desire to avoid, remove,

restrict the person.”

Oxford Dictionaryverb:

1: feel intense dislike for or a strong aversion towardsnoun:

1: intense dislike; strong aversion2: before a noun denoting hostile actions motivated

by intense dislike or prejudice

Wikipedia.com “An unending desire to avoid, remove,

restrict the person.”

Can the two coexist?Can the two coexist?

“Love is patient, love is kind.”

“Intense revulsion, distaste, enmity.”

“Love is patient, love is kind.”

“Intense revulsion, distaste, enmity.”

“Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

“Disgust.”

“Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

“Disgust.”

“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily

angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

“An unending desire to avoid, remove, restrict the person.”

“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily

angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

“An unending desire to avoid, remove, restrict the person.”

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

“Prejudice, condemnation.”

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

“Prejudice, condemnation.”

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always

perseveres.”

“Fear, misunderstanding.”

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always

perseveres.”

“Fear, misunderstanding.”

Is it possible?Is it possible?

Effects rejection can haveEffects rejection can have Many of us have been kicked out of a group, ministry, or church

simply for loving beyond the norm…the pain can be a trauma. A traumatic event is an experience that goes beyond our ability to

cope. Trauma and its experience is individual; it will vary from person to

person The teachings of the Church and the negative reactions of others

can lead to: trauma and shame self hate…internalized homophobia excessive guilt = never good enough alienation and isolation acceptance based on a condition greater anxiety lower self esteem suicide limbo feeling - world in question sense of worthlessness belief that one deserves to be mistreated God hates me.

Many of us have been kicked out of a group, ministry, or church simply for loving beyond the norm…the pain can be a trauma.

A traumatic event is an experience that goes beyond our ability to cope.

Trauma and its experience is individual; it will vary from person to person

The teachings of the Church and the negative reactions of others can lead to:

trauma and shame self hate…internalized homophobia excessive guilt = never good enough alienation and isolation acceptance based on a condition greater anxiety lower self esteem suicide limbo feeling - world in question sense of worthlessness belief that one deserves to be mistreated God hates me.

Social and interpersonal harmAlienation, loneliness, and social

isolationLoss of social supportsPhysical and verbal abuse, hate

crimes Spiritual harm

Loss of faithSense of betrayal from religious

leadersAnger at clinicians who introduced

punitive and shaming concepts of GOD

excommunication

Social and interpersonal harmAlienation, loneliness, and social

isolationLoss of social supportsPhysical and verbal abuse, hate

crimes Spiritual harm

Loss of faithSense of betrayal from religious

leadersAnger at clinicians who introduced

punitive and shaming concepts of GOD

excommunication

Being abandoned by the faith community into which one is

born is devastating…if our faith meant nothing to us, we would

have just walked away…for many of us our faith and

spiritual heritage cannot be simply left behind…like our sexual orientation, our faith and spiritual heritage are integral part of our lives

(Loseke & Cavendish, 2001, p. 350).

Being abandoned by the faith community into which one is

born is devastating…if our faith meant nothing to us, we would

have just walked away…for many of us our faith and

spiritual heritage cannot be simply left behind…like our sexual orientation, our faith and spiritual heritage are integral part of our lives

(Loseke & Cavendish, 2001, p. 350).

What can I do if I have a LGBT relative, friend, or

classmate?

What is an ally?

An ally, as defined by the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, is a straight person aware of and in support of

positive LGBT issues. These things include the right to marry, the right to

serve openly in the armed services, the inclusion of LGBT individuals in worship,

or simplifying the adoption process.

Why be an ally?

• Scripture tells us to be an ally.• Jesus was an ally.

• It’s the Christian thing to do.

What does the Bible say?

“Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart

and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor

as yourself.'”Matthew 22:34-39

One of the overarching themes in the Bible is God’s love for creation expressed through

Jesus. Scriptures teach us to love and serve each other as

Christ did. Jesus embraced all who were outsiders such as tax

collectors, prostitutes, foreigners, and those who were

considered to be unclean by society.

Jesus As An AllyJesus As An Ally

Matthew 25:41-45Matthew 25:41-45“Then He will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal

fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in… I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for

me.’”

“Then He will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal

fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in… I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for

me.’”

Matthew 11:28-30Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am

gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and

my burden is light.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am

gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and

my burden is light.”

Jesus’ ministry as a model to follow

Jesus’ ministry as a model to follow

• Circle widener• Met people where they were socially,

spiritually, emotionally…notice how each of these words ends in ally

• Did not impose conditions onto those He reached out to…only to love– John 13: 34

• Circle widener• Met people where they were socially,

spiritually, emotionally…notice how each of these words ends in ally

• Did not impose conditions onto those He reached out to…only to love– John 13: 34

How To Be A Personal AllyHow To Be A Personal Ally

• Love the person.• Self awareness: recognize one’s own personal

biases and internalized homophobia. (We all have it.)

• Create safe and empowering spaces- no judgments.

• Education: Research facts so as to debunk myths & misunderstandings.

• Love the person.• Self awareness: recognize one’s own personal

biases and internalized homophobia. (We all have it.)

• Create safe and empowering spaces- no judgments.

• Education: Research facts so as to debunk myths & misunderstandings.

Get to know resources within the community for referrals

Campus: Inclusion is not complete by saying “we allow gay students on campus”…it is not toleration but celebration.

Campus: provide forums/spaces/ classes for all viewpoints and perspectives to be considered…challenge people to think outside the box.

Get to know resources within the community for referrals

Campus: Inclusion is not complete by saying “we allow gay students on campus”…it is not toleration but celebration.

Campus: provide forums/spaces/ classes for all viewpoints and perspectives to be considered…challenge people to think outside the box.

• Abide by professional ethics• recognize the inherent worth of the

individual.• do not treat the person as if they had a

disease, were broken, or are abnormal.• respect the individual’s self

determination…serve as a guide to the best decision for the individual.

• do not impose beliefs onto individual.• begin where the individual is on their

journey…respect their journey

• Be mindful of language• Words that are generally off-limits:

Homosexual, Homosexuality = clinical terms that reduce person to behavior

• Better choices: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender; Sexual orientation; Gender identity

• Abide by professional ethics• recognize the inherent worth of the

individual.• do not treat the person as if they had a

disease, were broken, or are abnormal.• respect the individual’s self

determination…serve as a guide to the best decision for the individual.

• do not impose beliefs onto individual.• begin where the individual is on their

journey…respect their journey

• Be mindful of language• Words that are generally off-limits:

Homosexual, Homosexuality = clinical terms that reduce person to behavior

• Better choices: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender; Sexual orientation; Gender identity

Benefits of Gay-Affirming HelpBenefits of Gay-Affirming HelpPsychological benefits

Increased sense of hopeInsightCoping strategiesImprovement of self esteem

Social benefitsIncreased sense of belongingImproved relationships with family and friends

Spiritual benefitsSense of well-beingFeeling embraced and affirmed by the DivineBeing able to believe and live…GOD loves me…

“GOD don’t make no junk”

Psychological benefitsIncreased sense of hopeInsightCoping strategiesImprovement of self esteem

Social benefitsIncreased sense of belongingImproved relationships with family and friends

Spiritual benefitsSense of well-beingFeeling embraced and affirmed by the DivineBeing able to believe and live…GOD loves me…

“GOD don’t make no junk”

ResourcesResourcesResearch:

Journal of Lesbian and Gay studiesNASW, APA, ASA

Websites:www.soulforce.orgwww.transfaithonline.org

Groups:New Ways ministryIntegrityDignityMore LightReconciling communities

Research: Journal of Lesbian and Gay studiesNASW, APA, ASA

Websites:www.soulforce.orgwww.transfaithonline.org

Groups:New Ways ministryIntegrityDignityMore LightReconciling communities

What does the Christian thing to do look like?

What does the Christian thing to do look like?

In all those times of wrestling with tough issues, with Church leaders, with each other, with disease, I have been pinned down and squeezed, touched, massaged, embraced, cuddled, and, yes, pleasured by a challenging and

ever-loving God. I have been transformed and reconciled. No longer frightened or ashamed, I am learning to

confide in God’s love and the love of my fellow wrestlers. After the match is over, I look forward to walking humbly with my God, even if it is with a limp

(Calegari, 1994, p. 9).

In all those times of wrestling with tough issues, with Church leaders, with each other, with disease, I have been pinned down and squeezed, touched, massaged, embraced, cuddled, and, yes, pleasured by a challenging and

ever-loving God. I have been transformed and reconciled. No longer frightened or ashamed, I am learning to

confide in God’s love and the love of my fellow wrestlers. After the match is over, I look forward to walking humbly with my God, even if it is with a limp

(Calegari, 1994, p. 9).

Produced by

Delfin Bautista, M.Div candidate ‘09Yale Divinity School

In conjunction with course requirements for “Pastoral Care with Young Adults”, Instructor, Kristen Leslie, PhD.

Send inquiries to Kristen.Leslie@yale.edu