How to ask forgivenesswith

8 Steps to asking forgiveness

1. Ask what exactly what bothers them2. Empathy Statement3. State the Error4. Conflict Resolution5. Specifically Ask Forgiveness6. State How You Will Do Differently Moving

Forward7. Make an Offering8. Bonus: Embedded Commands

1: Ask exactly what bothers them

• Accept that you have offended• Have the courage to hear what you did from

their perspective• Allow the other to express and get it off their

chest• Listen actively• Look for key words that you can repeat back to

them during your apology

2: Empathy Statement3: State the Error

• I understand that you are upset because (repeat their key grievence) and I want you to know that I love and respect you. I am sorry I messed up by (repeate more of what they said). It wasn’t my intention.

4: Conflict Resolution

• If you did intend to offend, perhaps subconciously or in the heat of the moment, to hurt them because back, admit this. *but don’t wallow in it*

• Tell them, without charged emotion, what they did to hurt you.

• When you (action) I feel (name the emotion) because (describe the emotion or thoughts).

• What I really want is…. (Paint an image of what you want. Give power and direction toward what you really want).

5: Specifically Ask Forgiveness

• I am sorry. Can you please find it in your heart to forgive me?

• By Asking For the forgiveness the other person is actively deciding to let it go.

• You may not feel that you are the only one in error, but because your heart wants to feel better, and you compassionately want them to feel better too, you must ask the foregiveness so that resentment has no fertilizer to grow.

6: State how you will do differently moving forward.

• Shift the focus from what is not wanted to what IS wanted.

• Use words that are the opposite from their grievance key words.

Pivoting up the Scale of Conciouseness using oposite feelings

Resistent- Life Taking• Pride• Anger• Desire• Fear• Grief• Apathy• Guilt• Shame• Dead

Allowing- Life Giving• Enlightenment• Peace• Joy• Love• Reason• Willingness• Neutrality• Courage

7: Make an Offering

• Imagine the person feeling relieved but show compassion if they do not accept the gift

• Present with two hands• Bowing shows that you revere and honor • Smile hopefully with your chin down to show

humility• Step back and give space until the other is

ready to invite you closer

Why offerings are important:• Demonstrates willingness and acceptance from a place of love to a place of

peace• The ceremony and reverent action give the other a sense of importance which

allows them to center and feel grounded again.• Serves as proof that you were thinking fondly of them and doing your best to

repent• They may not accept the action, but at least you are more likely to avoid

vengence. • If the person is indifferent, you now know that they lack courage and integrity

to admit their own mistakes and move up the scale with you. This gives you a definable oportunity to evaluate their character. Perhaps you will reconsider if this person should retain the same important role in your life.

• If they react well, then you have definitively restored life giving energy to the relationship and resolved the conflict in the most postitive, loving, and assertive way possible.

8: Embedded Commands• Thank you for your patience while I learn and grow.• I know it isn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile is easy, right?• I’m so thankful you have now become willing to….• You are so beautiful and graceful. I love how easy it is to move forward with

you. • I know I messed up. • You are right, AND moving forward I (trust/hope/know) that you will give

me the benefit of the doubt because YOU (trust/hope/know) that I have learned from this mistake, right? Perfect.

• I’m so glad we could forgive and forget this. You feel better, right? Perfect, then it’s been a successful day.

• I know that sometimes things may seem imperfect, but look at how much we’ve learned and how much stronger our relationship is as a result now. Thank you for giving me space to learn and grow with you.