3256 El Suyo Drive San Ramon, CA 94583 925-828-3434 e-mail: [email protected] http:SLGLLC.com iPowered - Self-management Stonefield Learning Group Your

3256 El Suyo Drive San Ramon, CA 94583 925-828-3434 e-mail: [email protected] http:SLGLLC.com

iPowered - Self-management

StonefieldLearning

Group

Your aspirations-our passion.

© 2008 Stonefield Learning Group

Environmental Pressure

Optimal Response

?Survive-Thrive-Evolve

Nutrients

Space / Time Product Lifecycles Knowledge Lifecycle

Globalizatio Innovation / New Knowledge

Technological Organizational

Committees, Matrices, Dotted Lines Role / Relationship Instability

Cross Blurred Boundary Conversations Different – Cultures / Mindsets / Generations

Technical and Social Complexity Rate of Disruptive Change

Chaos – “Commanders”, “Bullies”------“Hiders”

Resistance, Stress, Unproductive Conversations, Conflict, Toxic Behavior


Peter’s Universal Law of Success- All Living Systems

Sense and Response Agility

Accurate Sensing

Survive, Thrive, EvolveNutrients

Affiliation

Independence

Enhance Fit

Effect Change

Environment Situation Context Opportunity Potential Threats

Effective Responses Agility

Self-manageReactive TendenciesCreate and Manage

Multiple Adaptive Specializations

Law of Requisite Variety: In any system of humans or machines , the element in the system with the greatest variability in it’s behavior will control the system. Ross Ashby

Situational Effectiveness

Law of Requisite Behavior: Cells that organize themselves with the greatest range of effective behavioral responses will not only have the greatest chance of survival but will lead the other cells.


How Toxic Colleagues Corrode Performance

48% decreased their work effort, 47% decreased their time at work, 38% decreased their work quality, 66% said their performance declined, 80% lost work time worrying about the incident, 63% lost time avoiding the offender, 78% said their commitment to the organization declined.

Harvard Business Review 5/2009

80% of problems encountered by organizations are related to human relationships


Self-management Problems

How often do people get emotionally upset, frustrated, defensive, angry? How often do people get very critical or judgmental of self or others? How often do people get into unproductive conflict? How often do people get anxious or fearful? How often do old habits or “Success Strategies” limit effectiveness? How often do people have difficulty sustaining motivation when faced with the less

enjoyable aspects of their job? How often people set goals and not follow through? How resilient or adaptive are people when faced with change?

Do you believe there are skills, behaviors, or attitudes, that would cause people to be much more effective? What prevents them from acquiring them?


Who am I?Collection of “Success Strategies”- Roles / Habits / Adaptive Specializations

Context / Need Satisfiers Challenges Opportunities Big tasks. Need to get it done..

Current Portfolio

“i”

“i”

“Doer”

“Engineer” / “Techy” “Manager”“Subordinate”“Commander”“The Greatest” “Achiever”“Diplomat” “Doubter”“Joker”“Perfectionist”“Father”-”Mother”“Golfer”“Traveler”Defensive Strategies“Judge” / “Victim” / “Fighter”“Justifier”

“i”

We tend to reflexively identify with whatever “success strategy” is associated with the context. We, in effect, “switch heads” with out thinking about it.


Negative Thought Anger

FrustrationFear/AnxietyAgitationResentment

Confusion Worry

Sense and Response- Reactive Identification Process

We tend to identify with what ever has the greatest pull on our I-ness.

Reactive Stress ResponseFreeze-Fight–Flight

“pebbles”

“Judge” /

“Victim” “Fighter”“Justifier”“Saboteur”“Gossiper”“Complainer”“Protector”

Defensive Strategies

“i”

Outcomes

Ineffectiveness“pebbles”

StressWasted Energy

Lost TimeLost Opportunity

Reinforce DefensiveStrategies

Initial Purpose Intention

Corrupted PurposeIntention

“i”

Sense Response

“i”

Virtually all interaction breakdowns and conflicts are a result of over-identification.

Situation/ThreatDifferent POV/ExpectationDisrespect/Put down/Criticism Defensive Behavior Lack of AcceptanceInconvenienceChange

Symbolic ThreatMy Identity: Who I am Power/Authority Belief/Value Sense of competence Status within the group Self-respect

“Success Strategy”Mindset/PurposeBeliefs

Threat Radar


Reactive Identification Interpersonal Situations

Situation-Perceived as symbolic threat.

Stress Response Earliest tensions/feelings/thoughts.

“Defensive Strategies”

You are proposing something. Someone says, “this sucks!”

Ugh. Deflated. Disappointment. “Judge” agrees, “it is bad.” “Victim” “Why am I so stupid” Hurt, pain. Oh my God, I better make it up somehow.”

You are making a point. Someone says, “you gotta be kidding me! This is ………”

Stress. Tightening of upper back. Shortness of breath.

“Judge” “He doesn’t know didilly.” “Fighter” Anger-“What the hell do you know?” You’re wrong…I know what I’m talking about.” “Justifier” He is so…Rationalizes anger.

You are reporting …. Your Manager says, “did you not hear me? Were you not at the meeting?”

Contraction in stomach. Anxiety, fear. Thought “how dare you.”

“Fighter” Talks about the person behind their back. Spreads rumors. “Justifier” Rationalizes gossiping. ‘Pebble’

Someone states a different POV.

Felt misunderstood and criticized.Moody.

“Judge” “He deliberately misrepresented what I was trying to say. I have to straighten him out.” “Fighter” “Why did you misrepresent………..?” “Judge” “What a deceptive….!” ‘Pebble’

Manager finds out something won’t be done right or on time.

Anxiety. “Things are out of control.” Anger, clenched jaw, knot in the stomach.

Manager’s “Judge” “You screwed up. I will not tolerate…! The next time this…..!” “Justifier” “Sometimes you just have to kick …” Fear and punishment work.


Reactive Identification Perceptions in Unproductive Conflict

People tend to identify with defensive strategies “Judge” - “Justifier” in conflicts

and search for causes of their own and others’ behavior.

The “Justifier” attributes the cause of their errant behavior to the context of the

situation. “I walked out because you provoked me”.

The “Judge” attributes the cause of the other party’s behavior to a flaw in personality. “You were late for the meeting because you’re irresponsible”.

We tend to project out responsibility and personalize the problem. This is a major cause of “Pebbles” and sustained unproductive conflict.

“i”


Triggers/Early Warning Signs (EWS)

All behavioral patterns, overpowering feelings and unproductive stress first show up physically, emotionally and mentally.

Physical Attitudes and Tensions Folded arms, passive or aggressive stances. Tension or tightening of the neck, jaw, stomach, leg or

back muscles as well as shallow breathing and rapid heart rate.

Emotions Irritation, anger, frustration, hurt, fear, guilt, inadequacy, worry, anxiety or avoidance. Shut down,

lose your sense of humor, become numb, tune out and stop listening.

Thinking Procrastination, rationalization, tunnel vision, close-mindedness, thinking in extremes of black and

white, good and bad, all or nothing, right and wrong and then awfulizing an extreme .


Discover Empower Deeper “I”Awareness and Will

Awareness We don’t have a choice until we see a choice.

Early warning signs of stress responses and defensive strategies. Over identification with any “Success Strategy” or habit.

Hidden assumptions / beliefs. Our purpose or intention in the situation.

Will We can’t choose without the will power to overcome the momentum.

Learn how to dis-identify and identify. Understand / apply stages of the act of will. Leverage skillful will.


Self-management Discover “I”

We are dominated by everything we become identified with. We can master, direct, and utilize everything from which we dis-identify ourselves. Roberto Assagioli, MD, Psychosynthesis

One of the purposes of all meditative techniques is to give you that ¼ inch of space between you and your “Success Strategies”, thoughts and emotions.

iPower™

AwarenessWill

A system that can see itself and act on what it sees is inherently more effective and agile.

Einstein’s famous words perennially remind us, our problems cannot be solved by the same consciousness that created them in the first place.


iPower™ CD

iDirect Best PracticePeripheral Sensing/Will Dis-identification/Identification

Agile Learning--Staying one step ahead. Magnetic Learning Best Practice Creative Identification Catalyze Self-organizationAccelerate Learning

iDiscover Best PracticeDiscovering a deeper IPeripheral Sensing / Awareness

Cut and Paste Best PracticesManagingFrustration/AngerAnxiety/Fear

IQ Boosting Music

“i”


Self-management Awareness – Accurate Sensing

“I” Peripheral Awareness

EWS “Success Strategies” - Habits Perceptions-Thinking Assumptions Beliefs Context - Needs / Purposes in Play


Will is the inner power to make choices independent of identification, impulse, thought, feeling or desire.

Dis-identification Overcome the momentum of habits, dis-identify and choose. Does not mean ‘getting rid of.’

Manage or change feelings, thoughts, “Defensive Strategies” and “Success Strategies” Manage stress and distractions. Control or reject unnecessary or harmful impulses. Choose the behavior most appropriate to the purpose of the situation .

Stages of the Act of Will.*

Increases motivation and energy. Overcomes laziness and procrastination. Accelerates change and the learning of new “Success Strategies.”

The saying, "We are what we will be," expresses the intimate relationship of the will to the core of human existence.

Purpose Vision Commit Plan Act Learn

*adapted from R. Assagioli’s Act of Will


Triggers/Early Warning Signs (EWS) Peripheral Awareness

All behavioral patterns, over-identification, overpowering feelings, resistance to change and unproductive stress first show up physically, emotionally and mentally.

Physical Attitudes and Tensions Folded arms, passive or aggressive stances. Tension or tightening of the neck, jaw, stomach, leg or

back muscles as well as shallow breathing and rapid heart rate.

Emotions Irritation, anger, frustration, hurt, fear, guilt, inadequacy, worry, anxiety or avoidance. Shut down,

lose your sense of humor, become numb, tune out and stop listening.

Thinking Procrastination, rationalization, tunnel vision, close-mindedness, thinking in extremes of black and

white, good and bad, all or nothing, right and wrong and then awfulizing an extreme .

iPower™

Peripheral AwarenessSelf-management / Will

Thought

PhysicalAttitude

Feeling

+


Skillfull Will - CUT and PASTE Energy Follows Attention, Thought and Identification

Sense Early Warning Signs

CUT Thoughts associated with a particular feeling.

PASTE Thoughts Images Physical attitudes Symbol

+iPower™


The power to think yourself into misery lies within you, but so does the power to think yourself into effectiveness.

Change state of mind and feelings.


Self-management -Adapting

Accelerate Evolutionary Learning

“There is something called learning at a rather small level of organization. At a much higher gestalt level, learning is called evolution". Gregory Bateson

“The mainspring of creativity appears to be man's tendency to actualize potentialities as the organism forms new relationships to the environment. This tendency may become deeply buried and awaits only the proper conditions to be released and

expressed.” Carl Rogers

“Not much can happen until and unless management changes it’s self-image.” W.E. Deming

Everything organizes around identity.

iPower™



Self-management - Create New Adaptive Specializations Vision - Personality as Instrument

Situation Environment Context Pressure Need Satisfiers Threats

Agile Leadership Cluster “Creator”

“Inquirer” “Advocate” “Negotiator” “Delegator” “Coach” “Conflict Manager” “Change Manager” “Talent Scout” “Thought Leader” “Knowledge Manager” “Collaborative Leader” “Systems Thinker”

Law of Requisite Behavior : Cells that organize themselves with the greatest range of effective behavioral responses will not only have the greatest chance of survival but will lead the other cells.

iPower™


Agile Evolutionary Learning- Create new “Success Strategy” Building Adaptive Capacity

iPower™

Self-organizing Inquiry Natural Creative Process-Image.

Magnetic Learning Identification with image. Role play-architecture, opening lines and scripts. Positive feedback.

Everything organizes around identity.Energy follows attention, thought and identification.

“I”

New Role“Inquirer”

“SuccessStrategies”

Thinking/Feelings

“DefensiveStrategies”

+


“Inquirer” “Success Strategy”- Adaptive Specialization Self-organization - Magnetic Learning

Everything organizes around identity.

+Reinforcing

QualitiesEmpathic

UnderstandingMindsetSeek to

Understand

Communication Architecture

Language Building Blocks

Role Play

Partial Identity

“Inquirer”

Catalytic Image / Idea

Vision

CharacteristicsInquisitive

“I”Purpose

To Understand

Info

InInfo Out

Context

iPower™

AwarenessWill

Purpose Vision Commit Plan Act Learn


Inquirer - Mindset / Skills

Purpose: To: accurately Sense or understand the mindsets, problems, needs, opportunities, threats,

purposes and complexities in play. Deploys Leadership Process. Presence.

Relaxed, Focused and Fully Present in the Moment. Reads Body Language. Attentive Listening and Curiosity.

Clarifying Interpretations and Understandings. Understanding a Problem. Clarifying / Exploring Other’s Thinking / Reasoning . Positive Re-framing - Addressing Negative Inferences / Toxic Statements. Addressing Snap-judgments - Facilitating Dis-identification in Others. Confirming Understanding of Agreements. Calming Defensive Behavior in Others. Clearing “Pebbles”.

iPower Define Shared Purpose

Create Shared Vision

Forge Shared Commitments

Design Shared Plan

Lead SynergisticAction

Learn FromOutcomes


Addressing Negative Inferences Toxic Statements

“Well, John is a difficult person.” “He never makes a decision.” “He is such a bully.” “They are so uncooperative.” “She is such a b-----”

Toxic statements tend to take root and spread like a virus.


Explore Negative Inferences About OthersToxic Statements

Direction: Approach, language, or opening lines.

Explore negative inferences aboutothers and toxic statements.Clear about your purpose.Check out data that led people tothe inference.

Rather than just accept that inference atface value you may want to inquire.

Carefully restate the meaning whileeliminating the polarizing part of thedeclaration.

Say some more about that and give me an example.

Follow up with:Well, how often have you seen that happen?

Might there be any other possible explanations ofthose specific behaviors?

Might you have a “pebble” in your shoe with….?

“What I hear you saying is that you are deeply concernedabout……..Am I understanding you correctly?”

iPower

Energy and body language speaks louder than words.

Example:Polarizing Statement: “That group is a gene pool that just won't make it! We need fresh blood with the talent to compete in today's markets.”

Restatement: “What I hear you saying is that you are deeply concerned that our current employees may not have the skills and experience to compete. In your opinion, the need is so urgent and the skill gap so great that the only reasonable solution is to bring in fresh talent. Am I understanding you clearly?”


iPower™ CD

iDirect Best PracticePeripheral Sensing/Will Dis-identification/Identification

Agile Learning--Staying one step ahead. Magnetic Learning Best Practice Creative Identification Catalyze Self-organizationAccelerate Learning

iDiscover Best PracticeDiscovering a deeper IPeripheral Sensing / Awareness

Cut and Paste Best PracticesManagingFrustration/AngerAnxiety/Fear

IQ Boosting Music

“i”


Articles http://www.slgllc.com/Articles.htm

Leadership as a Stage Play Knowledge Bullies

How much are they costing you and what to do about it. Adapt or Die-It's an AND World Natural Leadership

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3256 El Suyo Drive San Ramon, CA 94583 925-828-3434 e-mail: [email protected] http:SLGLLC.com iPowered - Self-management Stonefield Learning Group Your